Cut to the Chaste

New Year in Chastity and New Beginning

By Chaste on Monday, January 1, 2024

After a successful Denial December, 2024 is a new year in chastity and new beginning.

Happy New Year to everyone. Whether you had a good 2023 or were glad to see it end, it’s a new year in chastity and new beginning. This marks the start of my fifth year in chastity and my second month with Amanda as my keyholder.

I completed the hat trick with a successful Denial December after finishing Locktober and NOvember. Shortly after midnight, Amanda graciously allowed me my first release after 245 days of denial. So, for me, it is literally a new beginning. For the first time in about eight months, I’m starting those first few days of being locked post-orgasm. I really needed the reset because I have languished in plateaued arousal since about the last week of Locktober.

New Year’s Resolutions

I’m not really big on making New Year’s resolutions, but I often begin each year with a few specific, measurable, attainable, and relevant goals. I think setting goals gives your life direction, and boosts your motivation. The specific, measurable, attainable, and relevant part of it means I don’t just make random resolutions like losing weight or getting fitter, two common New Year’s resolutions that usually go by the wayside for most people before the end of January or first week in February. I try to get more specific than that.

One goal is to determine by month’s end if Amanda is the right keyholder for me for the foreseeable future. She is a good person who I’ve grown to like, but December didn’t come as close to meeting my expectations as I had hoped. To be fair, the last month of the year always features the distractions of the end-of-year and start of a new year’s holidays. So, I felt it was only fair to us both to agree to another month with Amanda. Unfortunately, she is beginning a new job this month, which I fear may be even more of a distraction than the holidays. All I know is a lot of improvement will need to happen if we’re to continue past the end of January. If we don’t, I’ll face a decision about whether to look for a new keyholder or to just go back to self-locking until Lucie returns to the game. I feel like she will, but just can’t predict when.

Planned Device Reviews for 2024

My goal is to review four new devices this year, one per quarter. I’ll be reviewing my new Kink3D Fusion Pink Cobra N+ next. I have ideas for the next two devices I want to buy and review, but haven’t any ideas for the fourth yet. So we’ll see.

Hopefully, 2024 turns out an auspicious year for us all. Yet considering the accelerated, continued decay and decline so obvious in this country and the dark forces at work in the world, I’m not feeling optimistic. But that’s a topic for another day and another blog. Happy New Year all.

male chastity

A Debate Over Orgasm Denial and Chastity

By Chaste on Friday, December 29, 2023

Quite often I see it suggested in forum discussions and blogs about male chastity that orgasm denial is not only the height of it but the whole point of chastity. Sentiments to the effect that we shouldn’t even call it chastity but enforced orgasm denial. Though I agree orgasm denial powers much of the experiences that we derive from it, I think there is a lot more to chastity than just orgasm denial.

To begin with, let’s define what orgasm denial means. Concisely put, it is the practice of delaying or denying orgasm to either oneself or a partner during some sexual activity. Whether we’re approaching it from the perspective of ancient texts such as the Kama Sutra, or the view from BDSM, which in modern times has played a significant role in popularizing and normalizing orgasm denial, many people engage in the practice for its various benefits. Having more intense and pleasurable orgasms later on after building up your sexual desire by delaying gratification is but one of the physical and psychological benefits of orgasm denial.

Psychologically, orgasm denial can serve as a form of power exchange between partners, with one person taking control and the other submitting. It can also be a way to explore and push boundaries, as well as to deepen intimacy and trust in a relationship. There are various ways to practice orgasm denial, with edging, teasing, and total denial being some of the more common techniques. There are a lot of ways to incorporate orgasm denial into a relationship. One of those ways is using a chastity device.

Male Chastity

Here the focus is on male chastity, not only because that is the subject of this blog. It’s also because men are more interested in practicing chastity than women. Not to say there aren’t chastity belts women can wear. There are and some women enjoy wearing them and practicing chastity, but the numbers are not even close to the number of men who want to wear chastity devices.

Having some experience with subjecting women to orgasm denial in the context of dominance and submission, here is what I’ve observed. With only a few exceptions, I have observed that women don’t enjoy long periods of orgasm denial. Most, after only a short period, become irritable, disagreeable, and frustrated.

Instead of increasing sexual desire, persisting with orgasm denial past a certain point causes women to lose all interest in sexual activity. Many men, on the other hand, thrive when denied orgasms for long periods and for them, desire rises and can remain at high levels consistently for weeks as long as they receive regular teasing. While I have no human sexuality research training or qualifications, I suspect from what I’ve observed, the difference in response to orgasm denial is simply a product of the difference between the male and female libido. And that is why the practice of chastity is more popular with men than women.

Too Much of a Good Thing

I respond to orgasm denial in the same way as most males. When wearing a chastity device and denied, my desire rises and stays at a high level for weeks on end with consistent teasing. I find that pleasurable because desire feels good. Yes, I also experience frustration, but it’s a sweet form of torture. I take a lot longer to reach it than women, but eventually, just like women, I too arrive at a point when the denial goes on too long where my desire falls and I lose interest in sexual activity.

At least in my experience, there comes a point when orgasm denial can become too much of a good thing and no longer feels pleasurable. When that happens, no amount of teasing increases my desire. That doesn’t change until I orgasm and my body resets. Then I’m ready for another round. That is one reason I have never viewed orgasm denial as the be all and end all of chastity as some do. To me, chastity and wearing chastity devices specifically are more about orgasm control than orgasm denial. While some conflate them, permanent chastity and permanent denial are not the same thing.

Orgasm Control Versus Orgasm Denial

It’s actually difficult to find an accurate definition of orgasm control with a web search these days, which wasn’t true when I first got involved in kink. Why? Because these days, most people treat orgasm control and orgasm denial as if the terms are interchangeable. They aren’t. In the context of male chastity, orgasm control can include orgasm denial, but it is so much more than just that. Orgasm control can mean any of several sexual activities involving delaying, denying, allowing, or even forcing orgasm, sometimes in combination. Viewing male chastity as nothing more than total orgasm denial is at best a myopic perspective. Yet more and more people embracing the male chastity kink are simultaneously embracing this point of view.

Among the male wearers of chastity devices, crowing about how many months or years have passed since your last unlock and last orgasm or when your partner last allowed you to have sex with them have become the currency of the various forums and blogs devoted to male chastity discussions. For more and more keyholders, from spouses to partners to professionals, the mantra is to keep your male permanently locked and denied. This is the cornerstone of happiness for both you and him. Many keyholders believe it best to strike a balance between keeping their male completely denied while not extinguishing all hope that he might at some future time gain sexual release. Meanwhile, the keyholder gets her sexual needs met by her dedicated male pleasuring her whenever and however she wants it, or better yet, by cuckolding him and having another less submissive and better endowed male pleasuring her sexually. I think this total orgasm denial approach is the way where madness lies and it is also more the stuff of fantasy than reality.

Could Orgasm Control Chastity Be the More Realistic Approach?

By definition, wearing a chastity device with another holding the keys means ceding control of both your penis and your access to sexual pleasure and orgasms to another. And for it to work, you must allow the keyholder to exercise control or else the entire arrangement is a sham and unworkable. But giving up such control does not mean you’ve acquiesced to a permanent orgasm embargo.

Like any kink, chastity requires the consent of both parties. I’m fine with wearing a chastity device and surrendering control to a keyholder on a more or less continuous basis. But I don’t see the wisdom of consenting to never getting an orgasm or even getting only one or two per year. That’s because I know that’s unrealistic.

I know that when orgasm denial goes on for too long, my arousal plateaus and no amount of teasing will revive it. Absent those powerfully pleasing feelings of constant heightened arousal, I will no longer desire chastity. In fact, I will grow to resent it. Yes, I understand a keyholder may much prefer the locked and denied me over me who has had an orgasm recently. But I know she will also not prefer the plateaued me that she has kept in denial for too long when I become resentful, surly, and uncooperative.

Yes, she is entitled to exercise the control I’ve surrendered to her. She may deny me at her whim, but only within reason, for both our sakes. That’s why a wise keyholder employs all the tools from the orgasm control arsenal, not just continual total denial. I think orgasm denial in chastity is best thought of in terms of delay rather than complete negation. While the keyholder most definitely should decide the when, it should never be a question of if regarding a chastised male’s opportunity to orgasm. That doesn’t mean she should allow orgasms liberally, but should allow them regularly.

Length of Denial Best Practices

There is a school of thought shared by many experienced keyholders I agree with. Once a male has acclimated to wearing a chastity device more or less comfortably for an extended period, the initial lockup period should be 90 days. That is the minimum time necessary to give him an experience like none he has ever had before. And at the end of the 90 days, when the keyholder, after lots of teasing, finally lets him cum, it will happen quickly and feel almost too intense for his body to handle. The 90 days will also allow him time to truly embrace chastity and for the keyholder to establish her authority.

After the initial lockup, I see no valid reason for a keyholder to keep her male locked and denied for over three months ever again. There are different views about how often a keyholder should allow her male to cum after the initial denial period. But the measure used should be weeks, not months and definitely not years if a keyholder and her male expect the best results.

For a younger male, the keyholder may let him have an orgasm about once a week. That’s still a large reduction for someone who probably masturbated to orgasm daily besides any sex he enjoyed. For keyholders with older males, the period between orgasms might be about 14 days, 21 days, or even a month. It should never be exactly the same number of days because the keyholder doesn’t want her male to predict when she will allow him an orgasm. And it needn’t always be a full, unrestricted orgasm.

Ruined orgasms can work just as well without decreasing the male’s level of arousal much at all. Yet a ruined orgasm will prevent his arousal from plateauing, which a keyholder should always want to avoid.

Establishing the proper interval between orgasms is a function of observation. After the initial 90-day lockup and first release, a keyholder need only observe her male after relocking him to see how long he stays in that “sweet spot” of increased focus and attentiveness. Once he becomes surly or resentful, even with consistent teasing, that shows it is time she should allow him a release or some type.

Another technique a keyholder can use is milking (stimulating the prostate gland until the male expresses prostate fluid). Milking accomplished a similar purpose as ruined orgasms, avoiding plateauing while only modestly lowering a male’s arousal. He won’t have to start over at ground zero before his desire peaks again. Yet another tactic a keyholder can use is allowing only an in cage orgasm with the application of a powerful vibrator to the cage. Many men describe in cage orgasms as feeling similar to ruined orgasms. That’s because it’s an orgasm in the absence of a full erection. These alternative techniques help the occasional full, unrestricted orgasm to remain something special for the male, allowed by the keyholder only on special occasions.

Total Denial Chastity May Not Be Healthy

Having read many chastity forum and blog posts, I’ve noticed something I find disturbing. It seems many men kept in near total orgasm denial develop almost a version of Stockholm syndrome, a condition seen in hostage-taking, kidnapping, and abusive relationships.

The power imbalance is so great and the psychological connection between the chastised male and keyholder so profound that the male grows so sympathetic to his keyholder’s needs and desires he loses the ability to consider his own. He believes he is unworthy of even having penetrative sex with his spouse or partner because his penis is inadequate to give her the pleasure and satisfaction she deserves. This makes him feel unworthy of even engaging in self-pleasure or of having orgasms.

From there, it becomes quite easy for him to rationalize his keyholder has every right to get her sexual gratification from another, more well-endowed male capable of satisfying her. He not only approves of it, but encourages it and some will eagerly help procure more worthy sexual partners for their wife or partner. And these days, there are plenty of books and blogs written by FLR advocates who encourage keyholders to embrace cuckolding and give them tips on how to sell the idea to their chastised males.

Just like the actual Stockholm syndrome, this chastity version brought about by total denial chastity is unhealthy, bordering on abuse. There are powerful, naturally produced chemicals circulating in the brains of a man denied orgasms for an extended period. I’m convinced the longer this goes on, the less able a man is to make good decisions on his own behalf. After all, these same chemicals have given rise to the maxim that “men think with their penis” justified because many men, during times of extreme sexual arousal, often make poor decisions that they end up regretting in the interest of sexual gratification. I think there can come a point where a denied male isn’t even capable of giving informed consent. Could this explain the current rising popularity of cuckolding and feminization in chastity circles?

For me, the best and healthiest approach is to separate chastity fantasy from chastity reality. And doing that means not viewing male chastity as the zero-sum game of total denial (or near to it) as the pinnacle of the chastity experience. Instead, I believe it’s orgasm control that should be the focus. It isn’t up to me to prescribe a right way or judge a wrong way of doing chastity. Here I’m speaking only about myself. And I believe there is a lot more to chastity than just orgasm denial. At least, I think there should be.

elust posts

Welcome to Chaste’s Elust 168

By Chaste on Friday, December 15, 2023

After learning from a post I read on Miss Pearl’s excellent blog last month that Elust was back, I decided to participate and submitted my first post. I used to be part of the Elust blogging community years ago when I published a different blog on another topic. It’s great to be back. Elust is now run courtesy of UK blogger Oz. Welcome to Chaste’s Elust 168.

Image courtesy of Adrianna Assante.

For those unfamiliar, Elust features some of the brightest and hottest sex bloggers each month all in one place. I can’t even count the number of favorite blogs I have discovered on Elust. I’m pretty sure that’s how I first discovered Thumper’s chastity blog. In this month’s edition, Elust 168, you will find book and movie reviews, articles about kink and fetish, erotica, sex work discussions, toy reviews, and relationship advice, all just a link click away.

Books and Movies

Book Review: Principle Decisions by Thea Belmont

Fans of romance with a dominance and submission twist will enjoy Sally Bend’s fascinating book review of Principle Decisions by Thea Belmont.

I Love a Man in Uniform (1993): The Celluloid Dungeon

The Celluloid Dungeon’s immersive review of the 1993 Canadian psychological drama, I Love a Man in Uniform.

Exit To Eden, by Anne Rice

Oz’s review of Exit to Eden, the tale of a private island kink club playground for the wealthy and powerful, written by Anne Rice, perhaps best known for her Vampire Chronicles series.

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

What’s Wrong With Forced Feminization?

My contribution to Elust 168, a discussion of what some people think is wrong with the forced feminization kink, and whether I think they’re right.

A little pick me up.

A fascinating post from the barefoot sub about the multi-faceted ways rope play has affected and contributed positively to her life.

BDSM Aftercare

The pursuit of subspace and domspace is what captures much of our focus, but what happens when play time ends and we get suddenly thrust back into reality? This article from Disorderly House talks about that and the critical importance of aftercare.

Unlocking Pleasure: 14 Essential Prodomme Tips for Baby Subs

If you’ve ever thought about engaging with a pro domme but aren’t sure how to start, Podopheleus has you covered with these 14 insightful tips.

Erotic Fiction

Tender Domination

Sexy and classy story of a dominant wife who puts her submissive husband through the paces with tenderness, but decisively with a dominance not to be challenged.

End

On her drive home after a pleasurable reunion with a paramour of twenty years earlier, a woman in lust pulls off the road in a remote area for a little self pleasuring to go with the pleasant recent memories. Steamy and visual.

Sexy Ghost Story – Mia’s Books

A snippet from a sexy ghost story like no other penned by Tabitha Rayne that will leave you wanting more.

Sex Work

Squeeze me Please Me

Escort Kristina-J Huddersfield introduces readers to the ins and out of cock rings. Interesting and authoritative information for penis owning humans.

Double Deflowering

Dominatrix Lady Phoenix takes a young twenty something guy’s virginity in more ways than one.

Happy Poo Emoji

Dominatrix Sandra recounts a scat fetish session that even the scat squeamish can appreciate.

What to Do When Your Sexual Expectations Fail You?

Ms. Sapora Knight shares 5 simple yet insightful practices to help ease sexual performance anxiety.

Revolting Prostitutes Book Review

Review of Revolting Prostitutes by Juno Mac and Molly Smith, a thought-provoking book that tackles the complex subject of sex work with an impressive blend of scholarship and activism.

Product Reviews

Tracy’s Dog Flowliper Vibrator – Innovative Features and Honest Insights

In depth review of an innovative vibe aimed at women.

Review: Velvet Thruster Prime

Detailed review of a thrusting dildo that might hit the spot for anyone.

RawLoveStudio Moonbean Unicorn Dildo

Review of an exotic dildo suitable for all.

Uncle Bob Silicone Dildo From John Thomas Toys

Review of some seriously large silicon dildos that pack a punch.

Qiui BeatPat Electro-Spanker Review: Is This Thing Even On?

Review of an electro-spanker that doesn’t impress.

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Keeping Your Toys Clean: A Guide to Protecting Your Health and Pleasure

A useful tutorial from the Buzz Vibe Team that explains why keeping your toys clean is important, along with tips for doing it properly to extend the life of your toys.

mail call

Mail Call: Chastity Related Questions December 2023

By Chaste on Tuesday, December 12, 2023

It’s time for the December 2023 edition of Mail Call, where I answer reader submitted chastity related questions.

This month, I’ve received three questions from readers about things I think might hold interest for our wider audience, so let’s get to them.

Hasn’t Quite Cracked the Right Fit and Style for Long-Term Wear

This question comes from reader ML…

Hey,
I’ve been a (not very great) chastity user for around 6 years now. Unfortunately, due to cost and difficulties finding a comfy fit, I’m still yet to wear one for more than 4 days. It’s great to see blogs and info on people who really enjoy wearing them too! I’ve mostly got on with metal ones. But want to figure out an affordable option for a light but secure material for longer term wear. What advice would you have for someone who still hasn’t quite cracked the right fit and style in finding one? My concern is I’ll spend big money on one. But the money will be wasted due to the fit not being quite right.
Any advice welcome! Stay locked!

There are two main reasons guys never get past wearing a chastity device comfortably for more than a few days—trying to go from zero to hero too quickly or not spending the time to take proper measurements before buying a device.

Given the vast number of relatively inexpensive devices available today that offer a reasonable fit (except for guys with some physical anomaly that prevents them from wearing a ball-trap device), I believe anyone who wants to can adjust to wearing a chastity device long-term. They just have to find a well-fitting device within their budget and give their body enough time to adjust to wearing it.

Patience Grasshopper

We’re all unique. Some of us have more sensitive skin than others. Some of us have lower tolerance for discomfort than others. So, there is no way I or anyone can offer a one-size fits all solution to the question: how much time does it take to get accustomed to wearing a chastity device comfortably?

I don’t have overly sensitive skin and I rate my tolerance for discomfort as average. Under the guidance of a very experienced and knowledgeable professional keyholder, I went from putting on a chastity device for the first time to wearing in 24/7 in two weeks. But that won’t work for every guy.

I’m confident this 3-week schedule for beginners I recently updated will work for most guys. But if you try it and experience excessive chafing, broken skin, or pain, then customize the recommended schedule by dropping back a step and giving it a few more days or another week at that step before advancing to the next step again. Of course, you’re never going to adjust to wearing a poorly fitting device.

Measure, Measure, Measure

Don’t skip the measuring step before ordering a chastity device. Yes, those who have followed this blog for a while probably think I sound like a broken record. But I can’t stress enough how important measuring is to getting a good fitting device. You can probably find a thousand different ways to measure for a chastity device on the web. If you’re looking at getting a particular device and the manufacturer gives measurement instructions, by all means, use those. But as far as generic instructions go, this method is as good as any and better than most.

First, using a ruler or measuring tape, Measure your penis when flaccid (not shriveled) and at its smallest. Take this measurement at least three times on three consecutive days at about the same time of day. Then either total the measurements, and divide by three or go with the shortest of the three as your flaccid length measurement. I like a tight fit, so I always subtract 3/4 inch from my final length measurement.

Measuring the circumference of your flaccid penis isn’t necessary unless you’re ordering a custom cage. That’s because manufacturers use a standard cage inside diameter aimed at the average. That will work for most guys, so I wouldn’t bother with this measurement if you’re getting an off-the-shelf device.

Measure for the base ring by measuring the circumference of an imaginary circle running across the top of the base of your penis where it meets your body and beneath your scrotum, and back to the top of your penis base. The best way is to use a length of string, roughly close to the thickness of a base ring. Wrap it over the base of the penis and beneath the scrotum. Pull it tight, but not so tight that it presses into your flesh. Mark the string where the string overlaps on the top of your penis base. Then measure that length with a ruler or tape measure. This measurement is the circumference of the imaginary circle, so you must divide the result by 3.14 (pi) to get the diameter of the base ring you need. As an example, your measurement is 6-1/4 inches. 6.25/3.14=1.99 inches. (Round up to 2 inches). Here is an even more accurate method to determine base ring size.

Chastity device manufacturer Mature Metal sells a set of nine plastic sizing rings for $30 with sizes ranging from 1-1/8″ to 2-1/8″ and this is an excellent investment if you want to get the exact size base ring needed. Just experiment until you find the ring size you can comfortably wear and that doesn’t restrict blood circulation. Many manufacturers only supply one ring with a device, so you need to get this right the first time to avoid spending more money to get a different size if you get it wrong.

Metal or Plastic?

With your measurements in hand, you first must choose between metal and plastic. When I first started chastity, I only wanted stainless steel. And I have several steel devices, many of them custom-made devices. But I now prefer 3D printed plastic cages and have since acquired several of those. They aren’t custom-made, but still fit very well and feel very comfortable for long-term wear. My advice is to start with plastic. You can always transition to steel later once you’ve mastered wearing a device for lengthy periods. And you may decide you like plastic, anyway.

My Current Beginner Device Recommendations

The beginner cages I now recommend for beginners are the Kink3D Cobra and the House of Denial Hera. Both are 3D printed from high-quality nylon material. I consider them equal in quality. Neither is cheap, but the Hera (about $125 USD for all sizes) costs a little less than the Cobra (about $170). Kink3D offers an excellent sizing chart on the website, and House of Denial gives exact measurements on the website. So, it’s easy to find the right size using the measurements you take before ordering.

Yes, the internet is awash with cheap counterfeit Cobras by foreign manufacturers available on sites like Amazon, Etsy, and eBay (and many others) who have copied the Kink3D design. I’ve bought and reviewed a few of them in years past for the benefit of guys who just couldn’t afford the original, and got a few which were of reasonable quality and that fit well. But I no longer recommend buying knock-offs. The last one I bought was very poor quality and while advertised as 3D printed was actually molded resin. Despite the seller’s claims, you can’t be sure what material they have used and you can’t count on it being hypoallergenic or bacteria resistant. It’s your decision, but buyer beware. I think you would be better off to save up for a Hera or authentic Cobra.

Once you’ve found a plastic device that fits and you know your cage length and base ring size, then you can confidently spend the $300 to $400 to get a high-quality, custom-fitted stainless steel device if your heart is still set on metal.

Can You Help Me Find a Dominant Woman?

Because the email I received included personal details and I’m committed to protecting the privacy of readers who ask questions, I’m only posting the pertinent details of this question from reader Steve…

I have searched for years to find a woman to dominate me and cuckold me. There has to be someone that would spend time with me. Any help would be a blessing.

My assumption here is you are asking me for advice on how you can find this woman of your dreams who will dominate and cuckold you. In the email, you shared deeply personal circumstances that I feel sympathetic about. But my answer to the question is probably not what you want to hear. Still, I always strive to give honest and hopefully helpful answers to the questions readers send.

Given the personal details you shared with me, I believe your odds of finding the partner you seek through the usual ways we meet women, date, and form relationships are extremely low. Not zero, but definitely within spitting distance of zero. Your age is one factor I considered in making this assessment.

I believe your best bet for finding someone willing to explore your desires with you is to hire a professional instead of wasting time seeking a romantic relationship that’s unlikely to happen. Not that you couldn’t find someone to date, but the chances of finding someone to date interested in sharing the relationship you desire with you are very small. I’m familiar with the area where you live, having once lived in the same area for a while and know there are plenty of pro dommes doing business there. You shouldn’t find it hard to find one with an internet search.

Unfortunately, seeing a dominatrix is a luxury and isn’t cheap. Most charge around $300 per hour. Some charge a lot more. Also, while many do offer cuckolding services, it won’t be a true cuckolding experience with a pro. It will be much more of a voyeuristic than cuckolding experience, since you must be in an actual relationship with a woman for her to cuckold you. Maybe lower your expectations by omitting the cuckolding and focus on the domination aspects.

Again, probably not what you wanted to hear, but I’m certain, given your circumstances, seeing a professional domme is the most realistic option.

Punishment Pins Question

The third question I received this month was about punishment pins, sometimes called anti-pullout pins. Specifically, the reader was interested in knowing more about the punishment pins that Mature Metal offers as an option with the Jail Bird chastity device. I’ve already replied to the reader by email, but it occurred to me pullout pins aren’t something I’ve ever covered on the blog.

Actually, I have never used punishment pins with a chastity device. To be honest, that’s because I’m not interested in using them. But pcguy at Thrill of the Chaste has, and he’s written several posts about his experiences, beginning here for anyone interested. Besides those posts, I’ve also read about the experiences others have had using the pins in various chastity forums.

The Mature Metal punishment pins come in three sizes (short, medium, and long) with three tip options (blunt, crisscross, and spike). Based on what I’ve read, the short pins are tolerable but the longer ones can cause significant discomfort when the cage contents attempt to get hard. I doubt any of them are tolerable for extended periods of time, as one guy mentioned he couldn’t sleep with the pins in because it made nocturnal erections very painful.

Just from looking at the images on the MM website, I’d worry the spike pins could possible break the skin, which wouldn’t be good. And I read other guys saying the pins caused bruising and sore spots when they used them for only a few days. Lastly, I read an online article that said punishment pins could potentially cause nerve damage. None of that sounds fun to me so I’ll take a miss on using punishment pins.

time locked in chastity

Chastity and How the Character of The Need Changes With Time

By Chaste on Saturday, December 9, 2023

Most keyholders, particularly a truly dominant woman, much prefer locking up a man’s cock to be a source of anguish and torture, not something that turns him on, which seems logical. With the first week of Denial December in the books, my new keyholder and I have been getting better acquainted. While we chatted yesterday, the conversation turned to how I was holding up after over 200 days without an orgasm. “How desperate do you feel to cum?” she asked. My response surprised her. I told her the character of the need for an orgasm changes after so much time, and admitted I wasn’t suffering, or feeling desperate at all to have an orgasm. In fact, I wasn’t finding Denial December, much like NOvember was, not very challenging. My candor may have sunk my plan to complete my third month-long locked and orgasm free challenge in a row. Amanda feels my lack of anguish and desperation makes finishing Denial December in that state rather pointless.

One of the most important decisions a keyholder must make is how long she makes her locked male wait between orgasms. It’s important because the time between orgasms is such a significant part of male chastity fantasies. At least initially, fueled mostly by chastity fiction and porn, many men develop a desperate desire to have a keyholder in charge of their cock and a heartfelt wish to have their orgasms controlled and denied. The longer, the better.

As a result, the internet abounds with forums and blogs dedicated to chastity and the orgasm denial theme. Given the folklore surrounding the male need to near constantly play with himself, masturbate and ejaculate, many women have difficulty understanding why men would so strongly desire something that prevents their orgasms or even touching their cock without permission from a wife, partner, or other keyholder. Yet these men want a keyholder to tease and deny them to the nth degree. They ask for it, even beg for it, and if their pleas get ignored, fantasize about it.

The March Toward Permanent Chastity

It’s really not a great mystery why so many guys desire chastity, especially after they get a taste of it. Orgasm denial produces increased sexual desire, and sexual desire is pleasurable. Once you’re locked in a chastity device, sexual desire (horniness) builds and builds. And it feels really good.

Once I adjusted to wearing a chastity device for weeks or a month at a time, I discovered something. My desire reached peaks I had ever experienced, and it felt intensely pleasurable. Again, no mystery there. Sexual desire feels good. It’s a different type of pleasure than that felt when having an orgasm and ejaculating, but in some respects, I think growing intense desire sustained for weeks at a time is more pleasurable than those few seconds of pleasure we get from orgasms.

I think it’s basic human nature to think if a little of something is good, a lot of it will be fantastic. So, a common theory among men who practice chastity is the longer they stay locked and denied, the hornier they will get and the better it will feel. Once a guy’s body and mind can tolerate a chastity device for weeks at a time, most begin thinking about how amazing permanent chastity would be. What’s not to like? Horny feels good and getting hornier and hornier and hornier will feel amazing. But does it really work that way? In my experience, no. No, it doesn’t. That’s because you reach an inevitable point of diminishing returns.

Men Are All Different

Men are all different. Yes, we share similar genitalia and the same evolutionary sexual programming. But we all differ on things like how frequently we feel the urge to orgasm and ejaculate. That means I can’t honestly claim all men respond to chastity and orgasm denial the way I do. But I strongly suspect a majority of us do.

This has been my experience. Before I began wearing chastity devices, after an orgasm, my refractory period was pretty short, especially in my twenties and thirties. After about a day, I was ready to orgasm again. And within three days, I desperately wanted to orgasm again.

I’ve been fortunate to have had three past partners who wanted sex almost every day, and I never had a problem keeping up with them. Even so, I still masturbated often on the side to keep up with my libido. And when I was single and not getting regular partner sex, I masturbated at least once a day and more often when I had too much spare time on my hands or felt bored. I’ve never felt I was oversexed. I think I’ve had a fairly normal male libido.

Four years ago, I discovered chastity and have worn a chastity device regularly ever since. That changed me a lot, not the least of which it changed my masturbation habits. These days, after an orgasm and I’m locked again in a device, the first two or three days aren’t that hard, but by the fourth, I really feel a strong need for sexual release. That usually lasts until about the seventh or eighth day. Then the urgency to orgasm and ejaculate lessens as my level of desire climbs. The sheer pleasure of the growing, sustained desire captures my focus. This continues for weeks.

Occasionally, I’ll feel insanely horny and feel a powerful urge for sexual release, but it always subsides quickly. Then I return to the blissful pleasure of extreme horniness unrequited. The longest period I’ve sustained these feelings was about eight weeks when Lucie was my keyholder. Then my arousal ebbed, and I had bouts of high sexual frustration.

As I stayed locked and denied for another couple of weeks, the frustration went away as I settled at a reduced but constant level of arousal. I call that state a plateau. My sexual desire didn’t drop further, but it didn’t climb either except when Lucie teased me. But even then, the heightened arousal was transitory. After an hour or two, I dropped right back to that plateau baseline.

Now, at well over 200 days since my last orgasm, I’m firmly entrenched at the plateau stage. Sure, if Amanda offered me the chance to have an orgasm, I would take it. But I just don’t feel desperate to have one. I don’t think about having one all the time. Hardley ever, in fact. And that’s what I told Amanda as I explained the character of the need to orgasm changes with time. And I’m at the point where I’m not feeling any desperation at all. That’s why Denial December feels easy. I explained to Amanda I will stay at the plateau until I have an orgasm and then everything will reset and I will start the cycle all over again. Learning I wasn’t suffering or feeling any desperation or frustration did not impress Amanda.

Why I Probably Won't Successfully Complete DD

I suspect it doesn’t work the same for wives and partners who key hold for their men. After all, a woman who locks her husband because he asked her to, maybe even begged her to, loves him and cares about him. She may not desire to watch him suffer from the desperate need for sexual release. But it doesn’t work that way with pro-domme keyholders. They want you to suffer, to feel sexually frustrated and desperate.

A dominant woman wants the cage and the denial to be a source of anguish and torture, not something that only turns a guy on. They see the frustration, need, and desperation as your act of service and sacrifice for them. Amanda said, if it takes a reset to put me into the proper state of mind, so be it. She doesn’t want chastity to be something I simply find comfortable and pleasurable. She didn’t say when it will happen, but told me I won’t go the entire month of December without an orgasm.

Yes, that will disappoint me because I’ve looked forward to completing all three of the major chastity challenges consecutively without breaks or orgasms. But Amanda is within her rights. As my keyholder, she controls my orgasms. She doesn’t just deny them. If she wants me to orgasm, then she gets it. Amanda is in charge. My penis is her property to use as she wishes. It isn’t up to me. Of course, Amanda will keep me locked the rest of the month, but it seems unlikely I’ll successfully complete this Denial December orgasm-free.

In The Pink

Since she insists on a hygiene unlock every week, Amanda allowed me to switch to my new Fusion Pink Cobra N+ afterward.

Actually, now that I’ve had the chance to try it on, I’m happy I ordered the N+ instead of the small. It’s a perfect fit. My Cobra N is about 3/4 inch shorter than my average flaccid penis length. The N+ feels just right. My tip rests firmly against the nose of the cage but without the compression effect of the N and feels very comfortable.

As I’ve mentioned, the surface of this device doesn’t feel as smooth as my black Cobra N. I think that gives the base ring slightly more grip, but it doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all. I’m very pleased with it. I’ll be wearing the Fusion Pink N+ the rest of the month and will post a full review soon.

male chastity

The Kink3D Fusion Pink Cobra Has Landed and DD Update

By Chaste on Monday, December 4, 2023

The Kink3D Fusion Pink Cobra N+ that I ordered during the Kink3D Black Friday sale arrived yesterday. My first impressions of the new device and a DD update in today’s post.

While I never expected to justify the spend for one of the Kink3D Fusion Pink models, the 20% off Black Friday sale persuaded me to pull the trigger. I still think the price is a little higher than it should be, but it’s a nice device and the color is insane. It showed up two days earlier than promised, but a day too late for my first lock with Amanda.

Kink3D Fusion Pink Cobra First Impressions

Fusion Pink is very pink indeed, pretty much a hot pink. And I sort of like it. I moved up one size from my black Cobra N to the N+ model and wish a little I’d ordered the small size instead. But the N+ is slightly longer and roomier. The best thing is now that I have both a black and fusion pink model, I can save $40 if I ever decide to get another model by ordering just the cage and using my existing Kink3D base rings. I also ordered another Airlock accessory in the fusion pink so I can use the new device with plastic, numbered locks.

The finish on this device, both the cage and base ring, doesn’t feel quite as smooth to the touch as those of my black Cobra. You can probably even see in the above photo what I’m talking about. The device images are of my actual device. I assume the new color is responsible for that, although I have no inside knowledge about the manufacturing process and am only speculating.

The finish isn’t rough by any stretch, but is definitely less smooth. In fact, I expect the base ring to feel a little grippier than the one belonging to my black N model. That could be good or bad, but it will be a week before I find out.

One change Amanda has made to my usual routine is she requires a weekly hygiene unlock for cleaning. And she has already given me permission to try out the new device after my hygiene unlock next Saturday. If it feels okay, which I expect it will, I’ll finish the month wearing it and post a review once I have a good feel for it.

Denial December Update

I’m three days in to DD with Amanda and things couldn’t be better. She has been all the things as a keyholder I’ve missed about Lucie. She isn’t the same as Lucie, of course, as she lacks the sadist bit. But that’s okay. While Lucie’s sadistic bent kept me on my toes, I’m growing fond of Amanda’s style of dominance, which is a little more on the nurturing side than cruel.

Lucie had her days when she was wonderfully caring and kind, but also days she was in the mood to be heartless and cruel. In contrast, Amanda is kind and caring all the time and has more of a correction philosophy than a punishment mindset when you don’t quite perform to her expectations. But like Lucie, she is a bit of a perfectionist, something I’ve noticed in many dominant women. Perhaps it is the nature of the beast, so to speak. At any rate, I couldn’t be happier thus far.

The best part is during November my desire really plateaued at a low level, but in only three days Amanda already has me back in the groove at the heightened levels Lucie always sustained. DD promises to be far more of a challenge than NNN was for me and I’m loving it.

We’re working out the details, but Amanda and I have already agreed we both want to finish December together and then we’ll see what comes next. I’m already feeling the trust and chemistry developing and I’m very hopeful Amanda offers the permanence I’ve been looking for.

Hope everyone taking part in DD is having a good month so far. Just 28 days to go.

chastity challenges denial december

Denial December Begins Without Even Thinking About It

By Chaste on Friday, December 1, 2023

Denial December begins without even thinking about it. I went to bed last evening on the last day of NOvember, and I awoke this morning already locked on this first day of Denial December.

I went to bed locked last night on the last day of NOvember. My phone beeped at 7:21 a.m. and I woke up to the first day of Denial December and a brand new keyholder and Domme. Amanda seemed as eager to begin our 7-day consideration lock as I’ve been. We took care of a few Chaster app related housekeeping things, chatted a bit, and then by 8:30 a.m., I was doing my first teasing assignment for her.

My First Chaster App Experience

This is my first Chaster app experience, so there was a learning curve involved. But Amanda guided me through it, and nothing seemed overly complicated about it. She is giving me a customized lock, which means we also interact outside the app through a messaging app. On Chaster, I will post my daily proof of lock photos and spin a “wheel of fortune” daily that randomly chooses the teasing play category from five possibilities.

I submitted my first proof of lock photo, spun the wheel for the first time, and then Amanda gave me the specific task she wanted me to perform via the messaging app we’re using. That part was a little different from what I was doing with Lucie.

Lucie would send me a task and I could choose when to do it as long as I completed it by the end of the day she assigned it. Then I provided her a photo or video as proof of performance. This morning, Amanda gave me my first assignment, and I had to do it immediately while we stayed connected. Then I sent her the photos that she asked for so she could see that I had followed her instructions to the letter. That was cool, and I found I sort of enjoyed doing it that way.

So far, so good. Things with Amanda feel so much more like they did with Lucie. I already feel very comfortable with her and she continues to impress. We seem to get on well and I’m already feeling the chemistry developing that was missing with Michele and I. Already, I can’t wait for tomorrow and the next task.

Expectations

It’s only the first day, but I’m feeling confident that Amanda will remain my keyholder for the rest of Denial December, and probably beyond. While we chatted after I finished the day’s task, she was already talking about the future far beyond the end of our current 7-day consideration trial. I think I’ve already satisfied her that I’m serious about chastity and serious about giving her control. I’m looking for a permanent keyholder and she is looking for a permanent chastity sub, so I think we’re golden.

If, like me, you’re doing Denial December back-to-back with NOvember, I feel you bro. But despite the illustration I chose for this post, I’m actually feeling all good with it. After just checking my current status page, as of today I’ve been locked for 148 straight days and orgasm-free for 214. That’s not what I had in mind back in January for 2023, but I’ve been happy with it. I’m already looking forward to improving on my personal records in 2024.

Congratulations to everyone who successfully completed NOvember, and to those who are observing Denial December, may the force be with you.

Humilation Play

What’s Wrong With Forced Feminization?

By Chaste on Wednesday, November 29, 2023

Some chastity enthusiasts enjoy combining other kinks with practicing chastity. One of them is forced feminization. But many people, including many dominant kinky women, say forced feminization isn’t okay. What’s wrong with forced feminization in the opinion of those who disapprove of it?

Similarly to cuckolding, I don’t consider forced feminization as part of enforced chastity. I see it as a totally separate kink interest. But some people think wearing a cock cage and forced feminization goes together like chocolate and peanut butter. Sometimes it’s the keyholder who wants to incorporate it into the chastity dynamic and sometimes the guy in chastity wants it. In this post, motivated by a post I read on femdom blog where a woman expressed disapproval of forced feminization, I want to discuss what’s wrong with forced feminization in the opinion of many people, especially women.

The Basics of Forced Feminization

Forced feminization (also called sissification) is one of the most common kinks in the world. Forced feminization is a part of the BDSM and D/s male submissive culture. There are a lot of men who engage in it or fantasize about it. Professional dommes I know say forced feminization or sissification is one of their most commonly requested kink sessions. An interest in cross dressing is usually a large part of this kink, but some take it further than just wearing ultra-feminine clothing or high heels. For instance, shaving off all body hair, wearing makeup, and nail polish are also often part of forced feminization or sissification training. Of course, many also wear a chastity device while engaging in this kink.

It’s important to understand that feminization is a sexual fetish involving gender role reversal and embracing feminine roles and expression, but it’s not the same thing as transgender. Submissive men engaging in it are typically heterosexual men who aren’t interested in changing their gender permanently.

A femdom keyholder may order or “force” the submissive male to complete tasks typically seen as feminine, to dress in lingerie or other hyper feminine clothing, shave his body hair, or wear women’s cosmetics. He may perceive the tasks as emasculating or humiliating. For example, being asked to do housecleaning while wearing a French maid costume with a frilly petticoat and high heels.

Is Forced Feminization Really Forced?

There are a lot of reasons sissification training or forced feminization appeals to people, both to femdom keyholders and chastity device wearing men. But is it actually forced? Not really.

Despite the word forced, typically, no one gets coerced or compelled involuntarily to engage in this practice. That would violate the long standing ethical principle of consensual conduct in all things kink. It’s always important to keep in mind when enacting a fantasy, it is only a fantasy. Participation must always be voluntary and limits established and agreed to before beginning kinky play. So why even use the word forced?

Patriarchial society hasn’t just harmed women with its gendered framework. Men, too, suffer the effects. The traditional gender framework marginalizes them as much as it does women, making it difficult for men to be authentic persons. Guys who are naturally submissive feel pressured by societal expectations to put on that alpha mask. If they reveal they are submissive, society will consider them weak and complete losers. Is it any wonder why so many men are into humiliation play? Imagine knowing you are submissive and also knowing society considers that vile. You would naturally feel you deserve humiliation from others.

But a man who has an accepting, understanding, caring, and willing partner feels safe to expose his vulnerabilities, and he also feels the freedom to go with what feels right. That includes taking on fetish roles that aren’t remotely part of his day-to-day life, like sissification or forced femme. Yet for many, the idea of wearing panties, lingerie, or nail polish still feels uncomfortable because escaping those ingrained societal gender expectations isn’t easy.

While a guy may love wearing women’s clothes because he finds them soft and comfortable or feels sexy wearing them, he may still feel embarrassed about liking something society has conditioned him to believe he shouldn’t like. He still needs an out, and that is where the forced in forced feminization comes in. The forced part eases any feelings of guilt from being turned on by taking on a feminine role. He can pretend he wears panties only because his keyholder makes him, not because wearing panties turns him on sexually. And if he still feels a little embarrassed about breaking taboo, that’s okay, because he finds that arousing, too.

What People Dislike About Forced Feminization and Why

Most people say if a man wants to wear women’s clothes because they feel it’s sexy or find women’s panties and lingerie soft and comfortable, great. He should wear women’s clothing all he wants. If he loves makeup, go for it. If he can rock wearing high heels, rock out. To me, that all falls more under the heading of cross dressing than forced feminization. But many women, especially those identifying as feminists say if he is wearing women’s clothes because it humiliates him and that arouses him, that’s a problem. These women feel it is just a way of saying being a woman is so terrible someone must force him to wear women’s clothes and to behave like a woman. And that is sexist.

It’s sexist because it implies he believes women are beneath him, and that’s why someone must force him to wear female clothes and act feminine since, of course, he would never do so otherwise. Getting a thrill from being forced is not the point. It’s the underlying assumption that no man should want to dress or behave in a feminine way.

Look, I get it. I can understand the argument. Society has hard done by women for centuries until relatively recent times. Still does in many places on the globe. I understand why women feel they must remain vigilant and call out sexism wherever they see it to ensure they hold on to the gains already made and continue making progress in securing full equality. But other women say not so fast. There is nothing wrong with a dominant woman feminizing her submissive, chastised man. Here’s how Emma at the Evolving Your Man blog puts it.

Explaining she and her submissive husband play with cross dressing and feminization, mostly at her behest, Emma says she enjoys seeing him in panties and enjoys seeing him in a position that strips him of what she calls his “masculine comfortability.” While she notes, femininity isn’t inherently weak but is actually stronger in many ways than masculinity, a man stripped of what he finds comfortable, puts him at a sexual disadvantage and that produces feelings of weakness.

Emma also reveals she puts her husband in a cock cage, with panties and a bra, to humiliate him and make him feel lesser than. That, she says, makes her feel strong, empowered, and makes her feel in divine control. Emma believes flipping gender roles is about accepting that we all have male and female sides of our natures and exploring the less dominant side is instructive. And in her relationship, it is about allowing her husband to feel comfortable while being sexually vulnerable.

I think Emma makes the stronger argument and I reject the notion that there is anything necessarily sexist about forced feminization or sissification role playing. Sometimes forced femme is only about a power exchange dynamic. And that actually tracks with my experience with forced feminization role-playing. My question to a feminist who believes it is sexist, is this. “What about women who indulge in rape fantasies and get aroused by them? Is that also wrong?” Here’s why that’s a valid question.

According to polls, which have remained remarkably consistent over the years, about 62 percent of women report having rape fantasies in varying degrees of frequency and type. A rape fantasy or a ravishment is a sexual fantasy involving imagining or pretending someone is coercing or forcing you into sexual activity. Some women, although of course they don’t want to get raped, enjoy enacting these fantasies with a trusted partner who pretends to coerce or force them into sexual activity. What has that got to do with forced feminization? A lot, if you study the psychology of these two fantasies, as I have. The motivations to engage in them are almost identical.

Men enjoy forced feminization or sissification training role play because the forced part relieves them of responsibility for wanting something forbidden by societal gender expectations. And they may feel embarrassed or humiliated for wanting it, which may also make them horny. For women who engage in rape fantasies, it’s also an opportunity to indulge in an activity they find very arousing, but that society considers taboo. Society says rape is wrong and so is getting horny fantasizing about it. Since by definition, a woman fantasizing about rape imagines getting coerced or forced into the sex, that relieves her of any responsibility for wanting an experience she shouldn’t want or find arousing. And there are also humiliating aspects associated with rape fantasies many also find arousing.

Fantasy, even when enacted with a trusted partner, is still fantasy. Sexuality experts and mental health professionals say having sexual fantasies is healthy. And when enacted between consenting adults, it really is no one else’s business. Besides, with any sexual acts, people almost always look for reasons to condemn things that don’t interest or arouse them. So, if forced femme or sissification training is something you and your partner enjoy, you needn’t feel you are committing some heinous act of sexism.

My Take on Forced Feminization

To be honest, forced feminization or sissification isn’t a kink I feel a powerful attraction to. It’s not an activity I would ever ask for. With a new domme, I always list it as a soft limit, meaning I might do feminization activities, but I want her to discuss it with me beforehand so I know what I’m agreeing to. And I reserve the right to refuse if it seems too extreme. I will do it for the benefit of a domme who wants me to submit to it, and I have done. In fact, I experienced quite a lot of it with Lucie because she enjoyed making me wear women’s things, like panties and lingerie at home or beneath my usual clothing in public. Mostly because she knew I found it embarrassing. Especially having to take photos while wearing it and having to show them to her. But Lucie always respected my limits and never asked me to do anything extreme, like going grocery shopping while wearing a dress and heels. And that’s something I’d never do, anyway.

Has a friend or partner ever asked you to go somewhere or do something and you knew you would just hate every minute of it? But since they seemed so keen about it, you agreed to it just to be nice? Then it surprised you when you realized you didn’t hate it, but actually kind of liked it. Well, that pretty much sums up my feelings about feminization. I always believe I’ll hate it, but then I’m forced to admit that while it’s embarrassing to mildly humiliating, I sort of like it because it makes me horny. But it is uncomfortable because it feels emasculating, so I understand exactly what Emma says about it. And all that is the attraction for me. Cross dressing is also not a kink of mine so I don’t wear women’s clothes on my own. It’s the embarrassment that makes me horny I enjoy, not the wearing of female clothing. I don’t really think of it as forced though because I know I could always refuse and so I’m doing it willingly. And I’m not making any statement about the value of women when I put on women’s clothing at a domme’s behest.

I already know Amanda, like Lucie, is a fan of feminization too, and I’m feeling a little anxious about it. We’ve had the limits discussion, so she knows how I feel about it and how far I’m willing to go with it. Hopefully, she approaches it the way Lucie did and then we’ll be golden.

denial december

5 Ways to Have Fun With Denial December

By Chaste on Tuesday, November 28, 2023

Denial December 2023 is coming, though many of us male chastity enthusiasts won’t be during this year’s Yuletide season. It’s another full month arbitrarily devoted to celebrating male chastity play, another whole 31 days to abstain from orgasms and ejaculations. With only four days left of Not Nut November, I thought I’d offer some quick tips about ways to have fun with Denial December.

With the end of No Nut November, comes Denial December, though many of us male chastity enthusiasts won’t be coming during this year’s Yuletide season. It’s another full month devoted to celebrating male chastity play, another whole 31 days to abstain from orgasms and ejaculations. With 1 December only days away, I thought I’d offer some quick tips about ways to have fun with Denial December.

What is Denial December?

Information on the internet about Denial December, particularly the history of the challenge, is scant. That’s doesn’t really surprise me as Google continues its dogged quest to make its once formidable search engine completely useless and irrelevant. My many searches yielded only links about climate change deniers, gender fluidity deniers, systemic racism deniers, and U. S. 2020 election deniers. You know, the usual globalist clap trap. Not that I expected anything better from Google, one of the WEF’s staunchest standard bearers. Also, it seems the new Google algorithm is now adding most things kink related to its growing censorship list of taboo subjects. I suppose Klaus Schwab frowns on that sort of thing. But I digress.

What little I could uncover about Denial December I found by directly searching Reddit and Urban Dictionary, both of which continue to be reliable purveyors of kink information, at least until the globalist elite fascists find a way to shut them down too. Denial December first began trending on Reddit only two short years ago, so the origin of this challenge was probably a riff on the older No Nut November, which began in the r/NoFap community on Reddit. Whomever started it probably was looking to push the joys of chastity play and orgasm denial straight on through the end of the year. Now a few tips on how to have fun with Denial December for my fellow chastity lovers out there.

The Traditionalist Method

Grab your chastity cage, put it on, and lock it, hopefully after you have asked some special someone to act as your key holder. Don’t have a partner at the moment? No problem. As I only recently discovered, there are many keyholders available on the Chaster app willing and able to help you out, some for free and some for a nominal fee. Regardless of which you choose, I think this app is one of the best places I’ve found to get semi-professional and professional keyholding services.

Going Solo

Not everyone wants a keyholder partner. Some find self-locking plenty satisfying and don’t see the point. But if you have doubts about your willpower, I again recommend the Chaster app. You can still use the app the old-fashioned way. All you need is a lockable box (with a minimum 4-digit) resettable combination lock. The little door hanger metal boxes realtors use work perfectly.

You place your keys inside the box after locking your cage, turn the lock away from you and set it without looking, and then snap a photo showing the combination, again without looking. Then you upload the photo to the Chaster app. The app will examine the photo and notify you whether the combination is readable. If so, you lock the box and spin the dials. At the end of the chastity period, the end of December in this case, the app will allow you to retrieve the photo showing the combination. A paid version of the app exists that offers a lot more features, but the free version suffices for most people who only need a little boost to their willpower.

Follow the Denial December Rules

While I found little about the historical underpinnings of Denial December, both Reddit and Urban Dictionary offered the official rules for the challenge.

Unlike Locktober, but like No Nut November, it seems wearing a chastity device is optional, though chastity lovers will probably agree you should wear one. Still, honor chastity is an acceptable alternative. But rules exist participants must follow.

Each day during the month of December, you must edge to the brink of orgasm the number of times corresponding to the day of the month. (e.g., 1 edge on December 1, 2 edges on December 2, 3 edges on December 3, etc.). If you come during the month, even once, even on accident, you fail the challenge.

For those who choose to do the challenge while locked in a chastity device, you can do the edges by holding a vibrator against the cage. Or you can unlock, do the edges the old-fashioned way, and then lock back up after your erection subsides.

I love the mandatory edging requirement since this challenge comes with built in teasing for solo players. And, for those who have a keyholder, of course, they can provide any additional teasing they wish and mandate how you perform the edges.

Stay in Your Lane

Taking part in a month-long chastity challenge is a marathon, not a sprint. So, if Denial December is your first attempt at staying locked for a month, don’t feel locked in to attempting what everyone else is doing. If you experience chafing or other discomfort, don’t try to tough it out just for the sake of completing a challenge. Remember that all you must do to complete the challenge successfully is to do the edges and not have an orgasm during the entire month. And of course, it is perfectly acceptable to remove the cage at least once a week for a thorough cleaning.

Make Denial December About Your Keyholder

Here’s a pro tip for those doing Denial December with a keyholder. One of the biggest criticisms of male chastity from women, especially the community of lifestyle dommes, is that male chastity and wearing chastity devices is a male-centric kink that just puts even more focus on the penis. Try not to add more fuel to that fire.

Don’t tell your keyholder how to do her job and please don’t suggest she isn’t doing things right. It is really up to the keyholder how she enforces chastity and how or when she provides any teasing. Don’t whine or complain you aren’t getting enough attention. Don’t talk to your keyholder incessantly about chastity or how you’re feeling. Trust me. She doesn’t want to hear it unless she brings it up. And try to think of creative ways to put the focus on her during the month and show her your appreciation for her efforts in helping to give you an experience you desire. She is doing you a favor, and you shouldn’t forget to show her you know that and appreciate it.

If you have a partner as your keyholder, think of things you can do that will make her life a little easier or more pleasant. Those of us who use a remote keyholder might give her a special gift one or more times during the month. That’s what I plan to do. Sure, we should enjoy our time spent in chastity, but we must never forget the needs and desires of our keyholder are just as important. Making Denial December about your keyholder will make the challenge much more enjoyable for you both.

For me, Denial December is the third leg of a trifecta as I attempt to complete Locktober, No Nut November, and Denial December without a break. For another month, I’ll have to keep my hands off the Yule log. Not that I have a log, to quote Clark Griswold. But I’m feeling confident because I’m super excited to see how things go with Amanda. Whether you’ve done the two previous challenges or if Denial December will be your first, good luck and please have fun with it. That’s actually the point.

Male Submission

Debunking 5 Crazy Chastity Myths

By Chaste on Sunday, November 26, 2023

In today’s post, we’re debunking 5 crazy chastity myths. Those who help perpetuate these common myths probably do so more out of ignorance than malice. But the absence of bad intentions doesn’t absolve those who insist on spreading their mistaken beliefs. We should confront the untruths.

Lots of women find the idea of male chastity a turn off. Many women on Fetlife who identify as lifestyle female doms are probably the most dismissive of male chastity and wearing chastity devices I’ve ever encountered. Those who consider male chastity unworthy of consideration and even ridicule men who want to wear a chastity device have a distorted perspective about chastity.

Chastity is Just Another Selfish Male-Centric, Penis-Focused Kink

Here is a view I’ve often seen chastity detractors espouse. Wearing a chastity device is not even about chastity. It’s about male arousal and wearing a cock cage serves only to make men horny, making men and that little thing between their legs the center of the attention. Men who say they want their penis locked up don’t want to be ignored. Instead, they want the exact opposite. They don’t want to be chaste. They want a woman to tease them to keep them in that state of unresolved sexual excitation they find very pleasurable. Men who wear those metal or plastic devices want to do it in exchange for a woman giving their penis attention.

There is much to unpack here. A lot of it is just the usual pedestrian male stereotypical tropes we often hear from women. All men are obsessed with their penis. They think about sex and making their penis happy all the time. Men only see women as sex objects useful to be used to get them off. I get it.

There are selfish men that don’t treat women with the respect they deserve. I understand why some women become jaded after encountering such men way too often. But another part of the problem, as I discussed in a previous post, is that women don’t understand male libido and how it works, but think they do. And that explains a lot of some women’s frustrations with men. And it’s why they don’t understand the teasing aspect that is such a necessary part of male chastity.

You often find grains of truth, even in myths. And women aren’t wrong that a man who desires chastity doesn’t want to get locked and forgotten. Chastity is not a set and forget proposition. Men want a woman to tease them while locked to keep them in that state of unresolved sexual excitation, and they find it very pleasurable. But the teasing and continued sexual excitement is a necessary part of the chastity dynamic. Without teasing, wearing a chastity device quickly becomes just frustrating, which doesn’t benefit anyone. And a man ignored, soon loses interest in staying locked.

Needing and wanting to get the teasing necessary to sustain continuous arousal from a keyholder doesn’t make the practice of chastity selfish. The absence of teasing only makes chastity pointless. I don’t think anyone could make a convincing argument that the willingness of a guy to wear a chastity device and cede all control of his penis and access to sexual pleasure isn’t about the most unselfish thing any man could do.

And one last point. Is it a crime for a man to enjoy the feelings of unresolved sexual excitation by finding it pleasurable? Do women actually believe that everything must be about them, their needs and desires? What’s wrong with both partners benefiting from chastity? Besides, much of the teasing that men desire focuses on his keyholder, anyway. Chastity is not a male-centric, penis focused kink. Thankfully, there are women who get it and have discovered how they can use chastity to their advantage.

Chastity Devices Are Impractical

Another myth often encountered is that chastity devices are impractical. Here is how the argument goes. A chastity device must be unlocked for cleaning frequently, or else it presents a major hygiene issue like unpleasant odors, sores, or infections. The noticeable bulge a device causes creates concern that others will notice the chastity cage when worn in public. Foreskins and over sensitive bits can get pinched, the devices can chafe and so on.

Yes, the device must come off sometimes in the interest of good hygiene, but many of the open “birdcage” style cages can stay on for weeks without removal. I often wear a device for a month at a time without getting unlocked and can keep things reasonably clean using a handheld showerhead. And even unlocking once a week for a thorough cleaning doesn’t make wearing a chastity cage impractical. And with so many well fitting devices available today, choosing the right device renders things like pinching, chafing, and general discomfort a thing of the past. I’m almost always caged, and rarely even notice the device. Manufacturers design chastity devices to conform to the normal contours of the male body and genitals, which eliminates any concern that someone in public will notice I’m wearing a chastity device.

Chastity Devices Don’t Work

Chastity cages aren’t inescapable and won’t prevent a determined, horny guy from masturbating, some claim. Both assertions are true. It requires suspension of belief to feel that you are hopelessly trapped in a locked chastity device. I know I could escape. And all I need to have an orgasm is my powerful wand vibrator, held against the cage. But it’s still a myth chastity devices don’t work. That’s because those who push this myth fail to take into account that men who wear chastity devices want to wear them and the vast majority of us don’t cheat. Wearing a device prevents men from masturbating and having orgasms in the usual way. We don’t cheat because we know if we aren’t serious about chastity, no keyholder will be serious about it either. Besides, we desire chastity. We want to remain chaste while wearing a device.

Chastity Isn’t Orgasm Control

Those who promote this myth say chastity isn’t orgasm control. Here is the argument. Chastity refers to the wearing of a cock cage and no orgasms thing. Orgasm control refers to someone exercising control over someone’s orgasms. This can include not only denial but permitting them to cum. It can also include forced orgasms, making them on demand several times in a row. And a chastity device is unnecessary for orgasm control anyway, since a submissive should always obey his dominant when she prohibits him from playing with himself, masturbating, or coming.

Chastity is orgasm control. It’s orgasm control at a whole other level. Part of what sustains this myth is too many people conflate chastity with strict orgasm denial. They think a caged guy should never get orgasms but should remain perpetually denied. That isn’t actually what chastity is about. Yes, a guy remains denied for whatever period his keyholder keeps him locked. And orgasm denial is what produces the effects that men find pleasurable. But she is free to unlock him and permit orgasms whenever she chooses. Get it? The keyholder controls his orgasms, totally. How is chastity not orgasm control? That makes no sense.

Chastity Doesn’t Change Male Behavior Positively

Many people don’t believe chastity changes male behavior positively, despite all the claims by both women and men that it does. Those who don’t outright deny chastity alters behavior say it is the orgasm denial that makes men more attentive, compliant, and affectionate. There is nothing magical about wearing a chastity device which is merely a male sex toy. To me, that last part of the argument makes little sense unless you conflate chastity with orgasm denial.

Chastity is distinct from orgasm denial. Yes, it is the effects of orgasm denial enforced by the device that produce the favorable male behavior. But someone could practice straight orgasm denial without wearing a cock cage and get the same results, which people did for many years before the first chastity device came along. Introducing a chastity device makes the activity a distinct thing, and the cage contributes to the effects so many men experience and keyholders observe.

The argument neither chastity nor orgasm denial changes male behavior is false and ridiculous. Of course it does. I’ve experienced myself many times and so have a lot of other people. People who deny chastity affects behavior changes simply reveal they don’t know what they are talking about and deserve to be ignored.

That’s debunking 5 crazy chastity myths. All get promoted by people who know little about chastity and, for whatever reasons, have no interest in learning what chastity is about. Sure, chastity isn’t for everyone. I prefer a dominant woman as a keyholder who doesn’t reject the idea of chastity outright. It tells me she has taken the time to learn what it is about. Also, it shows she will consider ideas and opinions that are new or different to her own and doesn’t selfishly dismiss something just because her submissive might take pleasure in doing it for her.

Dominant women who find the idea of male chastity a turn off and ridicule men who desire it don’t bother me because they hold no interest for me, especially those who use the myths discussed in this post to justify their rejection of something they obviously know little about. It makes me wonder what else they don’t know. I’d find it hard to trust someone like that enough to submit to their control.