A thread on a chastity forum on this topic I read recently inspired this post. More importantly, it also inspired me to answer this question for myself. Why are you in chastity? Not that I haven’t pondered this question before. But it’s been a while. And my recent experience revisiting my motivation for practicing chastity makes me believe it’s probably a good idea to pose this question all over again from time to time.
Simple curiosity brought me to chastity. I think wearing chastity devices was still pretty fringe back then. But if you spent much time on the internet, you couldn’t avoid hearing about male chastity regularly. I began reading blogs and forums and discovered many claims from chastity cage wearers about how practicing chastity had changed their lives and even their romantic relationships in positive ways.
Single and just out of a long relationship, it seemed like an opportune time to experiment with chastity. I wanted to learn firsthand whether all the claims I’d read were actually true. So, I bought my first chastity cage and began self-locking.
Even self-locking convinced me that at least some claims I’d read seemed genuine. I felt I was benefiting from wearing a chastity device. But it wasn’t long before I wanted to try chastity with a key holder. With no partner and having no women friends I was willing to share my new interest with, I turned to searching for a professional key holder. As luck would have it, I found a very good one.
Why I Am in Chastity
I know the chastity experience with a remote professional key holder differs greatly from having a romantic partner as a key holder. Still, I experienced some of those other partner-related positive things I’d read about on blogs and forums shared by those who had a wife or other romantic partner as their key holder. And I found it a vastly superior experience to self-locking. I’ve continued practicing chastity because I found so much I liked about it. Here are some of those things.
- Chastity made me more focused (on things other than my penis) and more productive.
- Wearing a chastity device dramatically cuts out the amount of time I once wasted watching porn and masturbating.
- I rediscovered the enjoyment of orgasm control and denial, kinks I had past expereince with and enjoyed.
- Chastity changed my view of women in general for the better. Even though my first key holder wasn’t my romantic partner, pleasing her became my new priority. I enjoyed sacrificing my pleasure for her because I knew it pleased her.
- The power exchange dynamic appeals to me, also something I’d experienced before in different circumstances. I truly enjoy submitting to a woman controlling my access to sexual pleasure and quite literally owning my penis.
- The near constant feeling of heightened arousal when I’m locked feels more pleasurable than the fleeting seconds of pleasure experienced during orgasm and ejaculation. And when my key holder allows release, the orgasms are far more intense.
The Big Difference Between Key Holder Types
Earlier, I mentioned my understanding that having a professional key holder isn’t the same experience as having a romantic partner key holder. I learned long ago that any kink works best inside a relationship, and I believe this is true with chastity. Here’s why.
Someone who has a romantic partner as a key holder has vastly more opportunities to serve their partner and sacrifice for them than you could ever have with a professional key holder. As examples, with a partner, you could take on more domestic responsibilities to free up time for your partner. You could serve her sexually, focusing on her pleasure at the expense of your own. And you could pamper with things like back rubs and foot rubs and show her affection without her worrying it isn’t all just another sex bartering effort. Also, your chances of getting more consistent and effective teasing, something most chastity device wearers crave and need, are much better with a partner key holder.
In comparison, beyond carrying out her instructions, you have no way to offer physical service of any kind to a remote professional key holder. Even if you engage a pro domme for in person key holding services, she would never allow you to serve her sexually no matter how eager you might feel to do so. There is only way to serve a pro key holder, and that is offering financial tributes, compensating her for the time she takes away from her other interests and responsibilities to control your chastity and provide teasing.
I’ve had several remote pro key holders who did a wonderful job with providing me the teasing I wanted and needed. But it has always been dispensed in limited amounts and the truth is, there is only so much that can be done online or even over the phone. That doesn’t mean it’s all just a fantasy as I’ve seen some suggest. The experience is authentic. It’s just nothing like having someone you’re in a relationship with controlling your keys. I’ve found remote pro key holding meets my needs, but I’m sure it wouldn’t work for everyone, especially since many men won’t even consider paying for key holding.
Is Chastity Just Another Selfish Guy Kink
I can imagine many people, especially women, might read the above list of reasons I’m in chastity and say those things are all about me. I only want to be chastity because it satisfies a collection of kinks that I enjoy and find arousing. They might argue I’m only willing to pay a pro key holder because they dispense the kink and sexual pleasures I want, and chastity is just yet another example of the selfish kink desires all men have that they expect women to fulfill. It’s really no different from how most guys barter with their romantic partner for sex, offering to do a thing as long as doing the thing gets them more sex.
If you spend a little time on websites like Fetlife, you will see those arguments made by women who identify as lifestyle femdoms all the time. These women detest chastity devices, and most refuse to even consider engaging with anyone who wants to wear them. They consider chastity devices as nothing but sex toys for men and device-assisted chastity as just another penis-focused, selfish kink men want and expect women to dispense.
Knowing the manner in which so many clueless men approach women like this while seeking “free” key holding services, I certainly understand why so many lifestyle femdoms hold these opinions. Especially since they are already predisposed to believe that men in general marginalize women’s sexuality, especially that of dominant women. I get it. I understand the arguments. Still, I disagree with the extreme view that chastity is just another penis-focused, selfish kink men want and expect women to dispense that offers absolutely no benefits to women. Were that true, no wife or other romantic partner would ever agree to become a chastity key holder for her man.
Chastity is Only an Extension of an Existing Reality
Maybe it wasn’t true when people lived in caves, but during civilized times, women have almost always held all the control in the bedroom. I’m sure I’ve mentioned I was once married for a long while. Since then I’ve dated many women and been in several relationships. In every instance, it was always up to my partner whether sex happened.
No matter how much I wanted to have sex, it only happened when these women wanted to have sex. When they didn’t, they just said no, and that was the end of it. Yes, there were times I begged and tried to engage in bartering, but rarely, if ever, did any of my past partners relent when they weren’t in the mood to have sex. It certainly never occurred to me to insist they give me what I wanted or to force them to do it. Here is the point of all this.
I view chastity as only a logical extension of the control women already have and have pretty much always had. The thing is, it is only a means by which women can eliminate the begging and the bartering, something most women find very annoying. Once they lock your penis in a cage, understanding it is something you want very much, they make all the rules and can even forbid you from begging or attempting to barter. All it takes is the threat of dispensing with the chastity altogether if you don’t comply. So, why wouldn’t a guy in a relationship want to be in chastity? You’re only allowing your partner to further consolidate the control she already has. This can benefit you both as individuals and may even strengthen the relationship.
With pro key holders (my experience), it’s different but still the same principle. Women are in control when it comes to sex. No, having sex with your key holder will never be an option, but they still control whether you get sexual pleasure or get released just the same.
Why Being in Chastity Doesn’t Feel Selfish to Me
Sure, you pay pro key holders for their services, but at least in my experiences it has never been just about the money. For one thing, it’s never been a significant amount of money, certainly not enough to persuade a woman to do something she wasn’t disposed to do. Every pro I’ve ever had told me they enjoyed locking up penises and having the level of intimate control key holding offers. Some even admitted having the control and teasing caged men until they were desperate with desire made them aroused. Even pro key holders get some of the same intangible benefits that have nothing to do with being compensated for their services. And the longer I’m kept locked, the more desperate I become to please my key holder in whatever limited ways I can.
So, no, I don’t see chastity as just another penis-focused, selfish kink I want and expect women to dispense to me. Sure, I get much enjoyment and arousal from it. I benefit. But what’s wrong with that? Why would anyone do something they didn’t enjoy or feel met some important needs? I’ve done lots of things in life that I found I didn’t enjoy and didn’t benefit me. Guess what? I didn’t keep doing them. Having a woman lock me makes me more focused, makes me more attentive to the woman controlling the keys and keen to please, and yes, it makes me horny when she teases me. I love the feeling of heightened arousal over a lengthy period locked. That doesn’t make it a selfish practice.
In conclusion, the reason you are in chastity might be similar to mine or completely different. But we all have a reason. And I think it’s healthy to revisit the question from time to time. Why are you in chastity? I think some things I like most about being in chastity haven’t changed since my first experience with it. But recent self reflection showed me that some things resonate more powerfully with me than before. And I discovered I’m still committed to practicing chastity and with a key holder as often as possible.