After staying locked for 137 straight days and remaining orgasm free for 203 consecutive days, I suppose it’s only natural that orgasm frequency for chaste males is something I think about often these days. In this post, we examine the opinions of women keyholders about how often they feel they should allow their chaste males to come, and I’ll share a few thoughts of my own.
A Consensus Opinion About Length of Initial Lock Up
I’ve read quite a few blogs and books by women, both keyholders and dominant women who are in female led relationships and who impose permanent chastity on their partners with chastity devices. The consensus (and surprisingly consistent) opinion among these women I learned was the initial period of confinement should last for a minimum of ninety days. That’s once a male new to chastity has acclimated to wearing a chastity device more or less comfortably, of course. Then, assuming the women didn’t extend the confinement past the ninety days for unsatisfactory behavior, most said they would unlock their chaste male and allow him his first sexual release in whatever manner suited them.
Orgasm Frequency After the First Confinement
After the first ninety-day period of confinement and first release, these women said they then experimented to determine the optimum orgasm frequency for their males. Their decisions often rested on how long it took their male to return to the desired compliant and accommodating demeanor achieved with the initial 90-day lock up and denial period. There was less consistency in their opinions about orgasm frequency from the initial lock up and beyond, which I suppose is understandable since everyone is unique. We all may respond differently to the same stimulus.
Some women, especially those with younger partners, allowed their males to orgasm once a week. The most common opinion was allowing their male to orgasm once per month, and those women thought they shouldn’t withhold orgasms for over three months unless there were good reasons (e.g., complaining, sulking, whining, etc.).
The third most common opinion was striking a balance between keeping their males completely denied but allowing them to orgasm just often enough to give them hope of gaining a future release. Here, there was no set frequency, just the intent of not extinguishing all hope. Once a male reaches that point, chastity no longer works for either partner and only makes him resentful and depressed.
The Need for Balance
While permanent chastity appeals to me strongly, the idea of permanent denial does not. Except for the brief refractory period, two to three days after an orgasm, I never stop wanting to orgasm. And the longer I am denied, the more desperately I want release, and the more I think about wanting to orgasm. I simply can’t imagine living with orgasms under a permanent embargo. While I think I could live with 90-day periods between orgasms, honestly, having an orgasm once per month sounds much more appealing. Sure, once a week would be amazing and that’s still only 52 orgasms a year, but so far I haven’t had a single keyholder who allowed that.
Chastity is about orgasm control by a keyholder, and the effects of orgasm denial fuels it and produce the positive behavior modification that keyholders seek. But, more denial is not always better with orgasm frequency for chaste males. A keyholder must strike that balance many of the women from the posts and books I read spoke about, the balance between producing the desired behavior and not extinguishing a male’s hope for a future release.
My Experience With the Lack of Balance
Since I’ve shared it before, I won’t repeat the entire story again here. But briefly put, my first keyholder pushed the envelope with denial too far. Once the time between orgasms lengthened too far past what she had allowed in the beginning, I grew depressed and then I became resentful and finally I got angry. So, I pulled the plug and ended the relationship. I just couldn’t continue once all hope was gone.
I want my keyholder’s full control over my access to sexual pleasure and orgasms. I crave it. The control aspect motivates my desire for chastity and willingness to endure the denial. I also prefer indefinite chastity, where my keyholder doesn’t tell me the future date she has set for unlocking me and allowing release. I don’t want to know because then I end up counting down the days instead of just immersing myself in the chastity experience. But what I also want is to feel confidence that my keyholder understands me and the importance of balancing her desires and goals for the relationship with my needs and desires. I’m willing to sacrifice and suffer for her greatly, but I need to see evidence she understands and appreciates it. And from my view, a fair and realistic orgasm frequency is a significant part of all of that.
The Game Chaste Men Are Forced to Play
Yes, there is a fetish or kink aspect to chastity that many guys crave and a keyholder helps satisfy those desires. It’s also a major turn on for a guy because of the loss of control. This is why it is almost always the male who suggests chastity in the first place in an established relationship. The chastity device turns the male’s desire, passion, attention, and energy toward the one holding the keys. His constant awareness of being locked in the device and that he will do anything for her to unlock him, makes him willing to focus entirely on her needs and desires, not his.
As his desire builds over time, the longer he stays locked, the more he enjoys it. But only as long as he holds out hope of getting an eventual release. But some keyholders don’t seem to understand or ignore that chastity should benefit both her and him. It’s okay for him to elevate the keyholder’s needs and desires above his own, but he deserves to have his needs met as much as she does.
All too often, especially around the web where dominant women congregate, I see them insisting male submission, even within the context of chastity, is all about them. They shame guys into silence who mention their needs and desires, suggesting such men think dominant women are kink vending machines who exist only to dispense male sexual pleasure. That makes guys looking for a keyholder, especially those of us who aren’t in a relationship, hesitant to even bring up our expectations for fear of getting shunned. That doesn’t work. It isn’t realistic. No one is that selfless, but we feel forced to pretend we are.
I don’t need or want a keyholder who thinks my needs and desires don’t matter. If something is no fun, there is no point in doing it. No, I don’t expect a keyholder to fulfill my every fantasy or satisfy my every kinky desire. That would be selfish. But I will not shortchange myself by doing something I don’t enjoy. I’m not playing the game.