November 2023 - Cut to the Chaste

What’s Wrong With Forced Feminization?

By Chaste on Wednesday, November 29, 2023

Some chastity enthusiasts enjoy combining other kinks with practicing chastity. One of them is forced feminization. But many people, including many dominant kinky women, say forced feminization isn’t okay. What’s wrong with forced feminization in the opinion of those who disapprove of it?

Similarly to cuckolding, I don’t consider forced feminization as part of enforced chastity. I see it as a totally separate kink interest. But some people think wearing a cock cage and forced feminization goes together like chocolate and peanut butter. Sometimes it’s the keyholder who wants to incorporate it into the chastity dynamic and sometimes the guy in chastity wants it. In this post, motivated by a post I read on femdom blog where a woman expressed disapproval of forced feminization, I want to discuss what’s wrong with forced feminization in the opinion of many people, especially women.

The Basics of Forced Feminization

Forced feminization (also called sissification) is one of the most common kinks in the world. Forced feminization is a part of the BDSM and D/s male submissive culture. There are a lot of men who engage in it or fantasize about it. Professional dommes I know say forced feminization or sissification is one of their most commonly requested kink sessions. An interest in cross dressing is usually a large part of this kink, but some take it further than just wearing ultra-feminine clothing or high heels. For instance, shaving off all body hair, wearing makeup, and nail polish are also often part of forced feminization or sissification training. Of course, many also wear a chastity device while engaging in this kink.

It’s important to understand that feminization is a sexual fetish involving gender role reversal and embracing feminine roles and expression, but it’s not the same thing as transgender. Submissive men engaging in it are typically heterosexual men who aren’t interested in changing their gender permanently.

A femdom keyholder may order or “force” the submissive male to complete tasks typically seen as feminine, to dress in lingerie or other hyper feminine clothing, shave his body hair, or wear women’s cosmetics. He may perceive the tasks as emasculating or humiliating. For example, being asked to do housecleaning while wearing a French maid costume with a frilly petticoat and high heels.

Is Forced Feminization Really Forced?

There are a lot of reasons sissification training or forced feminization appeals to people, both to femdom keyholders and chastity device wearing men. But is it actually forced? Not really.

Despite the word forced, typically, no one gets coerced or compelled involuntarily to engage in this practice. That would violate the long standing ethical principle of consensual conduct in all things kink. It’s always important to keep in mind when enacting a fantasy, it is only a fantasy. Participation must always be voluntary and limits established and agreed to before beginning kinky play. So why even use the word forced?

Patriarchial society hasn’t just harmed women with its gendered framework. Men, too, suffer the effects. The traditional gender framework marginalizes them as much as it does women, making it difficult for men to be authentic persons. Guys who are naturally submissive feel pressured by societal expectations to put on that alpha mask. If they reveal they are submissive, society will consider them weak and complete losers. Is it any wonder why so many men are into humiliation play? Imagine knowing you are submissive and also knowing society considers that vile. You would naturally feel you deserve humiliation from others.

But a man who has an accepting, understanding, caring, and willing partner feels safe to expose his vulnerabilities, and he also feels the freedom to go with what feels right. That includes taking on fetish roles that aren’t remotely part of his day-to-day life, like sissification or forced femme. Yet for many, the idea of wearing panties, lingerie, or nail polish still feels uncomfortable because escaping those ingrained societal gender expectations isn’t easy.

While a guy may love wearing women’s clothes because he finds them soft and comfortable or feels sexy wearing them, he may still feel embarrassed about liking something society has conditioned him to believe he shouldn’t like. He still needs an out, and that is where the forced in forced feminization comes in. The forced part eases any feelings of guilt from being turned on by taking on a feminine role. He can pretend he wears panties only because his keyholder makes him, not because wearing panties turns him on sexually. And if he still feels a little embarrassed about breaking taboo, that’s okay, because he finds that arousing, too.

What People Dislike About Forced Feminization and Why

Most people say if a man wants to wear women’s clothes because they feel it’s sexy or find women’s panties and lingerie soft and comfortable, great. He should wear women’s clothing all he wants. If he loves makeup, go for it. If he can rock wearing high heels, rock out. To me, that all falls more under the heading of cross dressing than forced feminization. But many women, especially those identifying as feminists say if he is wearing women’s clothes because it humiliates him and that arouses him, that’s a problem. These women feel it is just a way of saying being a woman is so terrible someone must force him to wear women’s clothes and to behave like a woman. And that is sexist.

It’s sexist because it implies he believes women are beneath him, and that’s why someone must force him to wear female clothes and act feminine since, of course, he would never do so otherwise. Getting a thrill from being forced is not the point. It’s the underlying assumption that no man should want to dress or behave in a feminine way.

Look, I get it. I can understand the argument. Society has hard done by women for centuries until relatively recent times. Still does in many places on the globe. I understand why women feel they must remain vigilant and call out sexism wherever they see it to ensure they hold on to the gains already made and continue making progress in securing full equality. But other women say not so fast. There is nothing wrong with a dominant woman feminizing her submissive, chastised man. Here’s how Emma at the Evolving Your Man blog puts it.

Explaining she and her submissive husband play with cross dressing and feminization, mostly at her behest, Emma says she enjoys seeing him in panties and enjoys seeing him in a position that strips him of what she calls his “masculine comfortability.” While she notes, femininity isn’t inherently weak but is actually stronger in many ways than masculinity, a man stripped of what he finds comfortable, puts him at a sexual disadvantage and that produces feelings of weakness.

Emma also reveals she puts her husband in a cock cage, with panties and a bra, to humiliate him and make him feel lesser than. That, she says, makes her feel strong, empowered, and makes her feel in divine control. Emma believes flipping gender roles is about accepting that we all have male and female sides of our natures and exploring the less dominant side is instructive. And in her relationship, it is about allowing her husband to feel comfortable while being sexually vulnerable.

I think Emma makes the stronger argument and I reject the notion that there is anything necessarily sexist about forced feminization or sissification role playing. Sometimes forced femme is only about a power exchange dynamic. And that actually tracks with my experience with forced feminization role-playing. My question to a feminist who believes it is sexist, is this. “What about women who indulge in rape fantasies and get aroused by them? Is that also wrong?” Here’s why that’s a valid question.

According to polls, which have remained remarkably consistent over the years, about 62 percent of women report having rape fantasies in varying degrees of frequency and type. A rape fantasy or a ravishment is a sexual fantasy involving imagining or pretending someone is coercing or forcing you into sexual activity. Some women, although of course they don’t want to get raped, enjoy enacting these fantasies with a trusted partner who pretends to coerce or force them into sexual activity. What has that got to do with forced feminization? A lot, if you study the psychology of these two fantasies, as I have. The motivations to engage in them are almost identical.

Men enjoy forced feminization or sissification training role play because the forced part relieves them of responsibility for wanting something forbidden by societal gender expectations. And they may feel embarrassed or humiliated for wanting it, which may also make them horny. For women who engage in rape fantasies, it’s also an opportunity to indulge in an activity they find very arousing, but that society considers taboo. Society says rape is wrong and so is getting horny fantasizing about it. Since by definition, a woman fantasizing about rape imagines getting coerced or forced into the sex, that relieves her of any responsibility for wanting an experience she shouldn’t want or find arousing. And there are also humiliating aspects associated with rape fantasies many also find arousing.

Fantasy, even when enacted with a trusted partner, is still fantasy. Sexuality experts and mental health professionals say having sexual fantasies is healthy. And when enacted between consenting adults, it really is no one else’s business. Besides, with any sexual acts, people almost always look for reasons to condemn things that don’t interest or arouse them. So, if forced femme or sissification training is something you and your partner enjoy, you needn’t feel you are committing some heinous act of sexism.

My Take on Forced Feminization

To be honest, forced feminization or sissification isn’t a kink I feel a powerful attraction to. It’s not an activity I would ever ask for. With a new domme, I always list it as a soft limit, meaning I might do feminization activities, but I want her to discuss it with me beforehand so I know what I’m agreeing to. And I reserve the right to refuse if it seems too extreme. I will do it for the benefit of a domme who wants me to submit to it, and I have done. In fact, I experienced quite a lot of it with Lucie because she enjoyed making me wear women’s things, like panties and lingerie at home or beneath my usual clothing in public. Mostly because she knew I found it embarrassing. Especially having to take photos while wearing it and having to show them to her. But Lucie always respected my limits and never asked me to do anything extreme, like going grocery shopping while wearing a dress and heels. And that’s something I’d never do, anyway.

Has a friend or partner ever asked you to go somewhere or do something and you knew you would just hate every minute of it? But since they seemed so keen about it, you agreed to it just to be nice? Then it surprised you when you realized you didn’t hate it, but actually kind of liked it. Well, that pretty much sums up my feelings about feminization. I always believe I’ll hate it, but then I’m forced to admit that while it’s embarrassing to mildly humiliating, I sort of like it because it makes me horny. But it is uncomfortable because it feels emasculating, so I understand exactly what Emma says about it. And all that is the attraction for me. Cross dressing is also not a kink of mine so I don’t wear women’s clothes on my own. It’s the embarrassment that makes me horny I enjoy, not the wearing of female clothing. I don’t really think of it as forced though because I know I could always refuse and so I’m doing it willingly. And I’m not making any statement about the value of women when I put on women’s clothing at a domme’s behest.

I already know Amanda, like Lucie, is a fan of feminization too, and I’m feeling a little anxious about it. We’ve had the limits discussion, so she knows how I feel about it and how far I’m willing to go with it. Hopefully, she approaches it the way Lucie did and then we’ll be golden.

denial december

5 Ways to Have Fun With Denial December

By Chaste on Tuesday, November 28, 2023

Denial December 2023 is coming, though many of us male chastity enthusiasts won’t be during this year’s Yuletide season. It’s another full month arbitrarily devoted to celebrating male chastity play, another whole 31 days to abstain from orgasms and ejaculations. With only four days left of Not Nut November, I thought I’d offer some quick tips about ways to have fun with Denial December.

With the end of No Nut November, comes Denial December, though many of us male chastity enthusiasts won’t be coming during this year’s Yuletide season. It’s another full month devoted to celebrating male chastity play, another whole 31 days to abstain from orgasms and ejaculations. With 1 December only days away, I thought I’d offer some quick tips about ways to have fun with Denial December.

What is Denial December?

Information on the internet about Denial December, particularly the history of the challenge, is scant. That’s doesn’t really surprise me as Google continues its dogged quest to make its once formidable search engine completely useless and irrelevant. My many searches yielded only links about climate change deniers, gender fluidity deniers, systemic racism deniers, and U. S. 2020 election deniers. You know, the usual globalist clap trap. Not that I expected anything better from Google, one of the WEF’s staunchest standard bearers. Also, it seems the new Google algorithm is now adding most things kink related to its growing censorship list of taboo subjects. I suppose Klaus Schwab frowns on that sort of thing. But I digress.

What little I could uncover about Denial December I found by directly searching Reddit and Urban Dictionary, both of which continue to be reliable purveyors of kink information, at least until the globalist elite fascists find a way to shut them down too. Denial December first began trending on Reddit only two short years ago, so the origin of this challenge was probably a riff on the older No Nut November, which began in the r/NoFap community on Reddit. Whomever started it probably was looking to push the joys of chastity play and orgasm denial straight on through the end of the year. Now a few tips on how to have fun with Denial December for my fellow chastity lovers out there.

The Traditionalist Method

Grab your chastity cage, put it on, and lock it, hopefully after you have asked some special someone to act as your key holder. Don’t have a partner at the moment? No problem. As I only recently discovered, there are many keyholders available on the Chaster app willing and able to help you out, some for free and some for a nominal fee. Regardless of which you choose, I think this app is one of the best places I’ve found to get semi-professional and professional keyholding services.

Going Solo

Not everyone wants a keyholder partner. Some find self-locking plenty satisfying and don’t see the point. But if you have doubts about your willpower, I again recommend the Chaster app. You can still use the app the old-fashioned way. All you need is a lockable box (with a minimum 4-digit) resettable combination lock. The little door hanger metal boxes realtors use work perfectly.

You place your keys inside the box after locking your cage, turn the lock away from you and set it without looking, and then snap a photo showing the combination, again without looking. Then you upload the photo to the Chaster app. The app will examine the photo and notify you whether the combination is readable. If so, you lock the box and spin the dials. At the end of the chastity period, the end of December in this case, the app will allow you to retrieve the photo showing the combination. A paid version of the app exists that offers a lot more features, but the free version suffices for most people who only need a little boost to their willpower.

Follow the Denial December Rules

While I found little about the historical underpinnings of Denial December, both Reddit and Urban Dictionary offered the official rules for the challenge.

Unlike Locktober, but like No Nut November, it seems wearing a chastity device is optional, though chastity lovers will probably agree you should wear one. Still, honor chastity is an acceptable alternative. But rules exist participants must follow.

Each day during the month of December, you must edge to the brink of orgasm the number of times corresponding to the day of the month. (e.g., 1 edge on December 1, 2 edges on December 2, 3 edges on December 3, etc.). If you come during the month, even once, even on accident, you fail the challenge.

For those who choose to do the challenge while locked in a chastity device, you can do the edges by holding a vibrator against the cage. Or you can unlock, do the edges the old-fashioned way, and then lock back up after your erection subsides.

I love the mandatory edging requirement since this challenge comes with built in teasing for solo players. And, for those who have a keyholder, of course, they can provide any additional teasing they wish and mandate how you perform the edges.

Stay in Your Lane

Taking part in a month-long chastity challenge is a marathon, not a sprint. So, if Denial December is your first attempt at staying locked for a month, don’t feel locked in to attempting what everyone else is doing. If you experience chafing or other discomfort, don’t try to tough it out just for the sake of completing a challenge. Remember that all you must do to complete the challenge successfully is to do the edges and not have an orgasm during the entire month. And of course, it is perfectly acceptable to remove the cage at least once a week for a thorough cleaning.

Make Denial December About Your Keyholder

Here’s a pro tip for those doing Denial December with a keyholder. One of the biggest criticisms of male chastity from women, especially the community of lifestyle dommes, is that male chastity and wearing chastity devices is a male-centric kink that just puts even more focus on the penis. Try not to add more fuel to that fire.

Don’t tell your keyholder how to do her job and please don’t suggest she isn’t doing things right. It is really up to the keyholder how she enforces chastity and how or when she provides any teasing. Don’t whine or complain you aren’t getting enough attention. Don’t talk to your keyholder incessantly about chastity or how you’re feeling. Trust me. She doesn’t want to hear it unless she brings it up. And try to think of creative ways to put the focus on her during the month and show her your appreciation for her efforts in helping to give you an experience you desire. She is doing you a favor, and you shouldn’t forget to show her you know that and appreciate it.

If you have a partner as your keyholder, think of things you can do that will make her life a little easier or more pleasant. Those of us who use a remote keyholder might give her a special gift one or more times during the month. That’s what I plan to do. Sure, we should enjoy our time spent in chastity, but we must never forget the needs and desires of our keyholder are just as important. Making Denial December about your keyholder will make the challenge much more enjoyable for you both.

For me, Denial December is the third leg of a trifecta as I attempt to complete Locktober, No Nut November, and Denial December without a break. For another month, I’ll have to keep my hands off the Yule log. Not that I have a log, to quote Clark Griswold. But I’m feeling confident because I’m super excited to see how things go with Amanda. Whether you’ve done the two previous challenges or if Denial December will be your first, good luck and please have fun with it. That’s actually the point.

Male Submission

Debunking 5 Crazy Chastity Myths

By Chaste on Sunday, November 26, 2023

In today’s post, we’re debunking 5 crazy chastity myths. Those who help perpetuate these common myths probably do so more out of ignorance than malice. But the absence of bad intentions doesn’t absolve those who insist on spreading their mistaken beliefs. We should confront the untruths.

Lots of women find the idea of male chastity a turn off. Many women on Fetlife who identify as lifestyle female doms are probably the most dismissive of male chastity and wearing chastity devices I’ve ever encountered. Those who consider male chastity unworthy of consideration and even ridicule men who want to wear a chastity device have a distorted perspective about chastity.

Chastity is Just Another Selfish Male-Centric, Penis-Focused Kink

Here is a view I’ve often seen chastity detractors espouse. Wearing a chastity device is not even about chastity. It’s about male arousal and wearing a cock cage serves only to make men horny, making men and that little thing between their legs the center of the attention. Men who say they want their penis locked up don’t want to be ignored. Instead, they want the exact opposite. They don’t want to be chaste. They want a woman to tease them to keep them in that state of unresolved sexual excitation they find very pleasurable. Men who wear those metal or plastic devices want to do it in exchange for a woman giving their penis attention.

There is much to unpack here. A lot of it is just the usual pedestrian male stereotypical tropes we often hear from women. All men are obsessed with their penis. They think about sex and making their penis happy all the time. Men only see women as sex objects useful to be used to get them off. I get it.

There are selfish men that don’t treat women with the respect they deserve. I understand why some women become jaded after encountering such men way too often. But another part of the problem, as I discussed in a previous post, is that women don’t understand male libido and how it works, but think they do. And that explains a lot of some women’s frustrations with men. And it’s why they don’t understand the teasing aspect that is such a necessary part of male chastity.

You often find grains of truth, even in myths. And women aren’t wrong that a man who desires chastity doesn’t want to get locked and forgotten. Chastity is not a set and forget proposition. Men want a woman to tease them while locked to keep them in that state of unresolved sexual excitation, and they find it very pleasurable. But the teasing and continued sexual excitement is a necessary part of the chastity dynamic. Without teasing, wearing a chastity device quickly becomes just frustrating, which doesn’t benefit anyone. And a man ignored, soon loses interest in staying locked.

Needing and wanting to get the teasing necessary to sustain continuous arousal from a keyholder doesn’t make the practice of chastity selfish. The absence of teasing only makes chastity pointless. I don’t think anyone could make a convincing argument that the willingness of a guy to wear a chastity device and cede all control of his penis and access to sexual pleasure isn’t about the most unselfish thing any man could do.

And one last point. Is it a crime for a man to enjoy the feelings of unresolved sexual excitation by finding it pleasurable? Do women actually believe that everything must be about them, their needs and desires? What’s wrong with both partners benefiting from chastity? Besides, much of the teasing that men desire focuses on his keyholder, anyway. Chastity is not a male-centric, penis focused kink. Thankfully, there are women who get it and have discovered how they can use chastity to their advantage.

Chastity Devices Are Impractical

Another myth often encountered is that chastity devices are impractical. Here is how the argument goes. A chastity device must be unlocked for cleaning frequently, or else it presents a major hygiene issue like unpleasant odors, sores, or infections. The noticeable bulge a device causes creates concern that others will notice the chastity cage when worn in public. Foreskins and over sensitive bits can get pinched, the devices can chafe and so on.

Yes, the device must come off sometimes in the interest of good hygiene, but many of the open “birdcage” style cages can stay on for weeks without removal. I often wear a device for a month at a time without getting unlocked and can keep things reasonably clean using a handheld showerhead. And even unlocking once a week for a thorough cleaning doesn’t make wearing a chastity cage impractical. And with so many well fitting devices available today, choosing the right device renders things like pinching, chafing, and general discomfort a thing of the past. I’m almost always caged, and rarely even notice the device. Manufacturers design chastity devices to conform to the normal contours of the male body and genitals, which eliminates any concern that someone in public will notice I’m wearing a chastity device.

Chastity Devices Don’t Work

Chastity cages aren’t inescapable and won’t prevent a determined, horny guy from masturbating, some claim. Both assertions are true. It requires suspension of belief to feel that you are hopelessly trapped in a locked chastity device. I know I could escape. And all I need to have an orgasm is my powerful wand vibrator, held against the cage. But it’s still a myth chastity devices don’t work. That’s because those who push this myth fail to take into account that men who wear chastity devices want to wear them and the vast majority of us don’t cheat. Wearing a device prevents men from masturbating and having orgasms in the usual way. We don’t cheat because we know if we aren’t serious about chastity, no keyholder will be serious about it either. Besides, we desire chastity. We want to remain chaste while wearing a device.

Chastity Isn’t Orgasm Control

Those who promote this myth say chastity isn’t orgasm control. Here is the argument. Chastity refers to the wearing of a cock cage and no orgasms thing. Orgasm control refers to someone exercising control over someone’s orgasms. This can include not only denial but permitting them to cum. It can also include forced orgasms, making them on demand several times in a row. And a chastity device is unnecessary for orgasm control anyway, since a submissive should always obey his dominant when she prohibits him from playing with himself, masturbating, or coming.

Chastity is orgasm control. It’s orgasm control at a whole other level. Part of what sustains this myth is too many people conflate chastity with strict orgasm denial. They think a caged guy should never get orgasms but should remain perpetually denied. That isn’t actually what chastity is about. Yes, a guy remains denied for whatever period his keyholder keeps him locked. And orgasm denial is what produces the effects that men find pleasurable. But she is free to unlock him and permit orgasms whenever she chooses. Get it? The keyholder controls his orgasms, totally. How is chastity not orgasm control? That makes no sense.

Chastity Doesn’t Change Male Behavior Positively

Many people don’t believe chastity changes male behavior positively, despite all the claims by both women and men that it does. Those who don’t outright deny chastity alters behavior say it is the orgasm denial that makes men more attentive, compliant, and affectionate. There is nothing magical about wearing a chastity device which is merely a male sex toy. To me, that last part of the argument makes little sense unless you conflate chastity with orgasm denial.

Chastity is distinct from orgasm denial. Yes, it is the effects of orgasm denial enforced by the device that produce the favorable male behavior. But someone could practice straight orgasm denial without wearing a cock cage and get the same results, which people did for many years before the first chastity device came along. Introducing a chastity device makes the activity a distinct thing, and the cage contributes to the effects so many men experience and keyholders observe.

The argument neither chastity nor orgasm denial changes male behavior is false and ridiculous. Of course it does. I’ve experienced myself many times and so have a lot of other people. People who deny chastity affects behavior changes simply reveal they don’t know what they are talking about and deserve to be ignored.

That’s debunking 5 crazy chastity myths. All get promoted by people who know little about chastity and, for whatever reasons, have no interest in learning what chastity is about. Sure, chastity isn’t for everyone. I prefer a dominant woman as a keyholder who doesn’t reject the idea of chastity outright. It tells me she has taken the time to learn what it is about. Also, it shows she will consider ideas and opinions that are new or different to her own and doesn’t selfishly dismiss something just because her submissive might take pleasure in doing it for her.

Dominant women who find the idea of male chastity a turn off and ridicule men who desire it don’t bother me because they hold no interest for me, especially those who use the myths discussed in this post to justify their rejection of something they obviously know little about. It makes me wonder what else they don’t know. I’d find it hard to trust someone like that enough to submit to their control.

male chastity sexuality

A Woman Struggles to Understand Why Men Desire Chastity

By Chaste on Friday, November 24, 2023

Recently I read an interesting blog post written by a dominant woman who struggled to understand why so many men get turned on by wearing chastity devices and by orgasm control and denial. I realized that might be something useful to discuss here because I know this woman isn’t the only woman who doesn’t understand why men desire chastity.

One reason this blog post interested me was that the woman who wrote it is a dominant woman. She notes that she fully understood why a femdom wants to control her submissive man’s orgasms and says it’s something she had always done. What she didn’t understand was why so many cock controlled men and wannabe locked men actually want a woman to take control of their penis and to deny their orgasms. If she, a kinky dominant woman who already understands and uses orgasm denial, is confused, just imagine how confused the average vanilla woman whose partner just asked her to add chastity to the relationship must feel.

Then she posed a question. “What is it about your orgasm that makes having it controlled by your partner so desirable to you?”

The Motivation Isn't the Same for Everyone

Of course, ten guys might give her ten different answers because we’re all unique. Chastity and orgasm control and denial don’t mean the same thing to all of us who enthusiastically wear chastity devices. Some guys simply fetishize chastity devices and even get erect just trying to put one on. Others enjoy the restrictive sensations of wearing a chastity device. It’s almost like penis bondage. And for still others, like me, it’s all about the orgasm control and denial. Wearing a chastity device simply elevates orgasm control and denial to a whole other level.

I can’t speak for every chastity enthusiast, but I can answer this woman’s question from my viewpoint by explaining why I desire chastity. I can’t answer her question directly since she will probably never read this post because she stopped posting on her blog in June 2018. But maybe other women with the same questions about why men desire chastity will read this post and understand more about the male attraction to chastity. But before I give my answer, let’s examine why women have such a difficult time understanding why men desire chastity.

Women Don’t Understand Male Libido

As I read this woman’s post, I understood quickly why she doesn’t understand chastity. She doesn’t understand the male libido. Consider this question she poses. “Is the male’s need to play with himself, to masturbate, and to ejaculate so much different from a woman’s need?” Later, she speculates, “I can only assume that there’s something very different about a male’s need to orgasm than a woman’s.” Here is her error.

She views male sexuality through the female lens as all women do. She and most other women think they understand male libido, but they don’t. They believe women and men are the same because that is a core tenant of feminism. The fundamental assertion of feminism is that women are equal to men, and equal not as counterparts to men, but in every respect. That includes sexuality. That’s why women assume men think about sex all the time, play with themselves and masturbate more than women do because men just don’t exercise self control like women do.

Ever heard a woman say something like, “Men are controlled by their penis,“ or “Men think with their penis,” or “All men think about is doing something sexual to make their penis happy.” Most women believe men are obsessed with their penis and spend far too much time playing with themselves, masturbating, and ejaculating. And women attribute all this to men refusing to exercise self control. Men are irresponsible. They truly believe all this. Why?

It’s a Limited Frame of Reference Issue

It’s not their fault women don’t understand male sexuality. How could they? They see the world through the female lens because they are women, just like men see the world through the male lens because they are men. It’s a limited frame of reference issue. I’ll readily admit I understand nothing about female libido because I’m not a woman. But after having had what I consider a representative sample of intimate encounters with women, I know from simple observation one thing is certain. The female libido and the male libido are not the same. Actually, I don’t think they could be more different.

Women exercise self-control. Their vagina doesn’t control them. They don’t think with their sex organ, therefore women are responsible. Sure, they like sex sometimes under the right circumstances and some masturbate, but few do with the frequency men do. Women aren’t like men. The female libido is not like the male libido. Not that the male libido is superior or better. It’s just different. That’s because evolution or nature, however one wishes to put it, assigned women and men different roles.

Evolution Made Us Different

Evolution assigned males the imperative to ensure the survival of the species. That’s why we are the way we are. That’s why we find it harder to exercise self-control, why we feel such a powerful urge to orgasm and ejaculate frequently. It’s not entirely our fault. That’s how evolution wired us sexually. And of course, women and men aren’t wired the same way.

Established physiological reasons exist that explain why the female and male libidos are different, and it is about neurotransmitters and the part of the human brain and the limbic system called the “reward center.” There are three primary actors – dopamine, prolactin, and oxytocin. This isn’t a post aimed at explaining the human sexual response cycle scientifically, so I will not get too far into the weeds here. But suffice it to say that the manner in which dopamine, prolactin, and oxytocin rise and fall before, during, and after orgasm differs greatly between men and women. That’s because the female menstrual cycle largely drives the sexual response cycle of women and the rise and fall of their dopamine, prolactin, and oxytocin levels.

Why the Science Matters

The manner in which dopamine, prolactin, and oxytocin rise and fall before, during, and after orgasm with men explains why men like me want to wear chastity devices because chastity takes orgasm control and denial, something I enjoy, to a whole other level. Elevated desire itself becomes pleasurable. It doesn’t work that way for most women.

Subjecting the average woman to orgasm denial quickly only makes her feel frustrated, and then angry, and if it continues, she loses all interest in anything sexual. Women know that. Just as the blogger says in the post, she can’t even imagine a woman begging for enforced chastity or to wear a chastity device. Of course not. The female libido doesn’t respond to it the way the male libido does.

I suspect with all men who desire chastity, even if it’s motivated initially by a chastity device fetish or the desire for penis bondage sensations, the effects of orgasm denial are also a part of the attraction. The orgasm denial effects are a big part of it for me. But not only from a sexual pleasure standpoint. The constant, elevated arousal also stimulates my submissive nature, and the more aroused I become and the longer it persists, the more submissive I feel toward my keyholder. That’s truly the part of it I like and want most. And I also crave the control aspect of it. I want to feel her control, her ownership of my penis and my orgasms.

I can’t say I ever lose the desire to orgasm, but I stop craving a release because I know from experience once I come and ejaculate, I drop out of that intense, pleasurable submissive headspace and it takes five to seven days before I return to it again. That’s why, when a keyholder allows me to come, I much prefer a ruined orgasm over an unrestricted one. A ruined orgasm shortens the refractory period and I lose little in terms of those powerful submissive feelings. Instead of five to seven days to get back to where I was pre-orgasm, it only takes a day or two.

Is the Male Desire for Chastity Motivated by Selfishness?

The blog post writer poses one last interesting question at the end. She prefaces the question by saying as a dominant woman, she would much prefer it if locking up a man’s cock was torture for him, not something that he found a turn-on. That seems logical from a femdom perspective, especially if the woman has a sadist streak. Then she asks the question. “Are we just doing you a favor by giving you exactly what you want?” The answer is yes, but it is more complicated than that. We could say it is transactional in that women give us what we want by locking up our penis, but they get benefits from doing it too.

Whether or not you have a submissive nature, the effects of extended orgasm denial will affect you mentally and emotionally. Your focus will change. Instead of selfishly focusing on your needs and desires and having them met, you will increasingly focus on your keyholder. Her needs and desires will become more important to you. The rising levels of dopamine drives that and your elevated sexual desire becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because you know your keyholder is the only person on the planet able to give you what you desperately want.

If women want to understand what motivates the male desire for chastity, they must first accept female libido and male libido are not the same. Evolution has programmed us differently, and your knowledge of female sexuality is useless in helping you understand male sexuality. Women and men are equal as human beings, but we are not the same and will never be the same sexually. Expecting men to behave more like women and telling them to exercise more self control will never change the things men do that irritate women. More women need to understand that the male desire for chastity and orgasm control and denial are tools women can use to their advantage to improve male behavior.

Chastity doesn’t magically transform me into someone I’m not, but I believe firmly that chastity makes me the best version of me I can possibly be. And that’s why I desire chastity.

Quick reminder for those who have been thinking about getting a Cobra chastity device, or another Cobra device. The Kink3D Black Friday and Cyber Monday Sale started this morning and runs through 27 November.

To be honest, I still think the prices of Cobra chastity devices are a little too high, but the 20% discount Kink3D is offering made the price of a second Cobra slightly easier to swallow. I took advantage of the infrequent Kink3D sale and ordered a Fusion Pink Cobra N+ this morning along with a matching Airlock accessory.

Honestly, I’ve vacillated for days between getting a second Cobra or the White Hera I have my eye on at House of Denial. I only decided this morning. The availability of the Airlock tipped my decision in favor of the Cobra.

House of Denial is working on an accessory that will allow use of plastic numbered tags with the Hera, but it isn’t yet available. Amanda strongly prefers the use of the plastic locks directly on the device and at the moment, Kink3D is the only option.

It disappointed me to learn the expected arrival date is December 4. Even choosing the expedited shipping option didn’t change the date. I suppose I should have expected it. I’m sure the Kink3D team is taking the same 4-day Thanksgiving holiday as most people are and will probably face a tsunami of orders when they return to work Monday morning thanks to the sale. But hopefully, Amanda will allow me to change out devices as soon as my new Cobra hits the mailbox.

Meanwhile…

If you, like me, are observing NOvember (also known as No Nut November), we’re on the home stretch, down to the last week. So far, not a single nut for me this month except for those in a slice of Pecan Pie yesterday. And it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas with no nuts either. Stay strong, my friends.

pro-domme key holders

5 Things I Already Love About My New Keyholder

By Chaste on Wednesday, November 22, 2023

Is Amanda the way a permanently satisfying keyholder relationship lies? I’m beginning to think so after discovering 5 things I already love about my new keyholder.

I’ve only just met Amanda and we don’t begin until December 1, but I’ve already learned a handful of things about her that cause my hopes to soar that I’m headed for a permanently satisfying keyholder relationship.

Finding an ideal remote keyholder often feels like you’re on a quest for the holy grail. And all too often, just when you think you’ve found it, something dashes your hopes. That happened with Lucie. She suited me perfectly, yet after too brief a time, Lucie had to step away from keyholding to attend some pressing personal matters in her real world life. What I had hoped would become a permanent arrangement, failed to materialize.

My first attempt at finding a new keyholder hasn’t worked out the way I had hoped. The chemistry just hasn’t developed. Since it has become increasingly difficult to find potential online keyholders the way I’ve done it in the past, I turned to the Chaster app. And then I met Amanda.

After a couple of chats, things already looked positive. But with 9 days left to go with NNN and my liaison with Michele, to my surprise Amanda isn’t just sitting back waiting for December 1. She has stayed engaged with me and we’ve chatted every day since we met. Amanda continues probing me for more information, not only about the things I like, but why I like them, and how they make me feel. And in the process, I’ve discovered five things that I already love about my new keyholder.

Amanda Really, Really Loves Chastity

Yesterday, Amanda gushed about how much she loves having full control over a man’s penis and his “primal” urges for sexual pleasure and why. Having complete dominion over a man’s erections and orgasms. In fact, she warned me if we continue together after the 7-day trial we’ve agreed to, I should prepare myself for permanent chastity. Here is why I feel this is so important.

There are lots of different views about male chastity from the perspective of dominant women. As I’ve seen in many Fetlife community discussions, it seems most dominant women are completely indifferent about if not outright hostile to the idea of male chastity involving the wearing of chastity devices. While some tolerate or fully embrace the idea of keeping their man locked up, many others absolutely despise the idea of their man wearing a chastity device.

While the latter, as femdoms almost universally do, insist on orgasm control and controlling their man’s access to sexual pleasure, they insist a man should be fully capable of controlling himself and doesn’t need a piece of metal or plastic locked on his genitals to do it. He only needs to obey his dominant. And, they add, no chastity device is foolproof and totally effective in preventing a man from having an orgasm. Many of these women see chastity devices simply as toys catering to yet another silly male penis-centric fetish interest and want nothing to do with it.

Even among some of the pro keyholders I’ve had, I quickly realized they felt no genuine interest in chastity and only offered keyholding because there are men willing to give them financial tributes for doing it. None of those experiences felt very enjoyable. So, it is important to me to have a keyholder who is as serious and passionate about chastity as I am, and Amanda definitely ticks that box.

Amanda Seeks a Permanent Relationship

The second thing I love about Amanda is she has told me from the start that she wants another full-time submissive man. She offers temporary chastity locks on the Chaster app, but she offers the week of consideration we’ve agreed to only to someone seriously seeking a full-time Domme. And that is exactly what I’m looking for, a permanent arrangement, so I can put the days of looking for another keyholder every few months behind me. I found a lot of benefits from self-locking in the past, but after my experiences with Lucie, I know I now want chastity controlled by a dominant woman. I really can’t imagine going back to self-locking anymore.

Amanda is an Actual Domme

Like Lucie, Amanda is an actual Domme with IRL experience in her local kink community. And again, from experience, I know women like Amanda offer a more comprehensive and meaningful dynamic than those women who only offer online chastity keyholding services and have little interest or experience with the wider world of kink. There is greater variety in the dynamic with an actual Domme who has done more than just online keyholding. That’s because they seek not only to enforce someone’s chastity, but want to explore their own kinks, desires, and needs with a submissive partner. That only makes chastity more meaningful for me because I want it to be focused on the keyholder.

Chastity, with a keyholder for me, has never been something where my greatest interest was only getting my own kinks satisfied. I don’t see a Domme as a kink dispenser. I have far more respect for dominant women than that. It is vitally important to me that my keyholder also gets her desires and needs satisfied and not just through financial tributes. I believe already that Amanda will offer that opportunity.

Amanda Is a Generous and Caring Person

Even with knowing her only a short while, Amanda has already shown to my satisfaction she is a generous and caring person. I have already remitted the small tribute she required for the 7-day consideration lock and I wouldn’t have faulted her at all had she chosen not to engage with me until December 1 once we closed the deal. She already had a list of my kink interests, limits, and toys to use for designing the tasks she will give me to do. But she didn’t do that.

Aware of how little I paid for the 7-days, I felt no entitlement to her attention until we start on December 1. But Amanda has started conversations with me every day, generously giving me her time and attention out of her interest in getting to know me better. Her interest in me as a person has been so clear. She reminds me quite a lot of Lucie in how generous and caring a woman she is. And that impresses me so much.

We Share Many Common Kink Interests

I’ve learned during the past week that Amanda and I share many other common kink interests besides just chastity. No, we don’t match perfectly. No two unique people ever do. As one example, I think Amanda enjoys enforced feminization a great deal more than I do. I’m fine with it in moderation, the way Lucie used it for the mild humiliation effects it has on me. Feminization just holds no appeal for me since I’m not a sissy-type submissive man and I’m not into CD. Nothing wrong with any of that, but I don’t find behaving or dressing as a woman arousing in the least. But Amanda has already gained my trust that she will respect my limits and will compromise even on things she finds interesting and fun to explore. And, based on our conversations, I feel we have enough common interests that neither of us will feel bored or short-changed.

Honestly, meeting Amanda has made NNN more difficult because I’m so excited for December 1 to arrive that I can’t wait for NOvember to end. Maybe I haven’t met Lucie’s equal, but the more I get to know Amanda, the more I feel convinced I’ve had the good fortune of meeting another special Domme.

male chastity device reviews

House of Denial Hera XS Chastity Device Review

By Chaste on Tuesday, November 21, 2023

It’s time for my long promised House of Denial Hera XS chastity device review. The Hera, part of the Olympus Collection, is a new, sleek 3D printed offering designed in-house by the House of Denial team, manufactured in the UK, and sold exclusively by the company.

The House of Denial Hera XS chastity device is part of the company’s new Olympus Collection, a collection of ergonomic, CMR-free, 3D printed male chastity devices. At the time of this post, the Hera was available in white or black. The six sizes range from XS to XXL, and there are two lock options, barrel lock (i.e., MagicLock type) or hexlock screw system. I wear tested the black Hera XS (extra small) with a barrel lock for this review.

An Alternative to the Kink3D Cobra?

My Kink3D Cobra N fits well and has performed flawlessly but because I often enjoy the sensations wearing shorter cages provide by forcing my flaccid penis to “turtle,” I was considering ordering a Cobra Baby model as soon as I could justify the spend. I didn’t expect I would wear the Baby often, but I wanted to satisfy my curiosity after reading the positive reviews from others on Reddit who enjoy wearing shorter cages and had tried the Baby. But before I got around to ordering one, I discovered a new 3D printed device that was getting some rave reviews of its own, the House of Denial Hera XS device.

When I visited the website and checked the specifications, I felt sure the Hera XS was very comparable in size to the Cobra Baby and was almost $40 cheaper. So, instead of ordering the Baby, I ordered the Hera XS instead.

The House of Denial device did not disappoint. On the surface, the Hera looks similar to the Cobra. But on closer examination, you see the device is a unique chastity device, not another attempt to copy the Cobra. The first time I handled mine and put it on, I knew the quality nylon material used to make the Hera and the satin smooth finish were every bit as good as that of my Cobra device. Without reservation, I say that the Cobra, often imitated but never duplicated, now has some serious competition.

Hera XS Specifications

Construction

3D printed from ultra strong and lightweight Nylon 12 material, then finished using an industry-leading, body-safe chemical smoothing process.

Weight: 30 grams

Cage Length: 3cm (Total length with base ring 4.5cm)

Cage Internal Diameter: 34mm

Base ring sizes (internal diameter): 36mm through 60mm (2mm increments)

Hera XS Components

The Hera XS kit is a three component system; a cage, one back ring, and an internal brass barrel lock with two keys. Those who choose the Hexlock system option get two hex locking screws and one pendant key instead of the barrel lock and keys.

Hera XS Physical Details

I ordered the Hera XS in black, but the device also comes in white, which I plan to get next. This device, which I find quite comparable to my Cobra N, is marginally lighter but just as solidly made. While I ordered mine with an integral lock, it is also available with dual hex head locking screws. As shown in the image above, instead of perfectly round, the base ring is wide at the top and tapers toward the bottom, which I find more comfortable than the circular base ring that came with my Cobra N. I also feel that the Hera gap is a more comfortable fit. In my opinion, the quality of workmanship with the Hera is every bit as good as you will find with the Cobra 3D printed devices. My device fits perfectly and the connection between the cage and base ring is tight with zero play. Once I snap the cage into the two receptacles on the base ring, I don’t need to hold the components together while inserting the lock because they stay together.

I was super impressed with the packaging. House of Denial ships the Hera in a reusable storage box along with a red velvet drawstring bag that holds the base ring, barrel lock, and keys.

Comfort and Feel of the Hera XS

As mentioned, the Hera weighs slightly less than the Cobra. The base ring and interior of the cage finish feels satisfyingly, silky smooth. It’s the most comfortable 3D printed device I’ve worn since the Cobra. It felt comfortable the first time I put it on and stayed that way. It feels as secure as it gets with a standard ball-trap device, none of which are absolutely inescapable without the added security of a body piercing.

I particularly appreciated the more generously sized urine outlet. The design helps keep your urethral opening aligned with the urine outlet making it possible to pee in the usual way without too much concern for missing the target.

The tapered-design of the ring I mentioned, keeps the device firmly against my lower abdomen except when my penis tries to grow erect. That tapering-effect also helps keep the base ring properly positioned around the scrotum. With the Cobra, I frequently have to readjust the base ring because it allows my balls to gradually ride up against the ring until it gets uncomfortable.

Hera Size Guide

On the company’s website, unlike Kink3D, House of Denial provides complete device specifications to help you choose the correct size device for your specific measurements. I ordered the Hera XS with the intention of getting a size comparable to the Cobra Baby because I often enjoy shorter devices that force my shaft to “turtle” inside my lower abdominal cavity. But the Hera XS in my estimation is actually designed for those with a flaccid length of 1.25 to 2 inches. My average flaccid length (not shriveled) is 3 inches. The Hera XS produces a “turtling” effect of about an inch for me. That’s sufficient to give me the satisfying feeling of compression I enjoy from shorter devices. If I wasn’t looking for that compression effect, I think the Hera M (Medium) would be my ideal size.

While Kink3D offers the Cobra in eight sizes, House of Denial offers the Hera in six. My guess is the company aimed at producing alternative devices for the six most popular Cobra sizes and eliminated two of the Cobra sizes, most likely the Cobra N and Cobra S+. Here are my rough guess estimates about equivalent sizes between the Hera and Cobra.

Hera XS – Cobra Baby

Hera S – Cobra N+

Hera M – Cobra S

Hera L – Cobra R

Hera XL – Cobra R+

Hera XXL – Cobra BFG

Remember, these are only guesses. I don’t have examples of all the devices to make side-by-side comparisons. And, to protect intellectual rights, Kink3D doesn’t provide device specifications. But I think my estimations are pretty close and you could probably use the above and the Kink3D Cobra size guide to choose a Hera that fits you. Still, I recommend instead that you take an accurate measurement of your flaccid length and girth and then compare your specifics to the specifications House of Denial publishes on the website to get the perfect fit.

House of Denial offers more Hera base ring size options than Kink3D, twelve to the Cobra’s eight. The Hera base rings all come in even metric diameters, so those who own a Cobra and might consider getting a Hera may not find the same diameter base ring. In my case, I wear the 44.5mm base ring with my Cobra but the slightly larger 45mm base ring with the Hera. The difference is so negligible that I don’t even notice it.

Hera cage internal diameters start with 34mm (XS), increases to 36mm with the Hera S (small), and then increase to the maximum, 38mm, for all other sizes. The 36mm or 38mm sizes would be more ideal for me, but 34mm has felt fine, just a bit tight.

Hygiene Considerations When Wearing the Hera

Like Cobra devices, the Hera has a “birdcage” style design with plenty of ventilation openings that allows me to keep the contents reasonably clean using a hand-held shower head. I’ve worn my Cobra device for an entire month on several occasions without removing it for cleaning and see no reason I couldn’t do the same with the Hera. And, as mentioned, the extra generous size of the urination outlet means I can pee while standing while wearing it with little concern about spraying the wall or floor.

Final Thoughts

The House of Denial Hera XS is an impeccably well designed and well-made chastity device. It’s marginally lighter than the Cobra and super comfortable. It’s a device that deserves serious consideration by those seeking a high-quality 3D printed plastic cage-style device, especially those looking to save some money over buying a Cobra.

At £99.99 ($123.80 USD when this post was published), the Hera XS offers outstanding quality at a reasonable and affordable price, and at about $36 less than the comparably sized Cobra Baby. And unlike Kink3D’s pricing model, where the price increases along with device size, the Hera comes at the same price regardless of the size you select. So on the larger sizes, you can save even more. In comparison, I feel the Hera matches up well with the Cobra in every single category.

I have only one minor complaint about the Hera. As someone who uses only remote keyholders, I love the Kink3D Airlock accessory that allows me to lock the Cobra N securely using the disposable plastic numbered locks. That’s the option most remote keyholders prefer. Since the devices use the same internal barrel lock, I had expected I could use the Airlock with the Hera. I was wrong. The lock receptacle on the Hera has slightly less depth, just enough that the Airlock pin won’t go completely in. So, wearing the Hera for a keyholder means I would have to go back to using some less convenient method to secure the keys to give my keyholder confidence I wasn’t accessing the keys without permission.

That’s the bad news. But there is some good news. A House of Denial representative told me recently that the team is already working on designing an accessory that will perform the same function as the Airlock and will allow use of the plastic numbered tags directly on the Hera device. I’m eager to get my hands on one as soon as the accessory becomes available.

I really like the white color option, and my next device will be a white Hera. House of Denial says the company is also planning to offer the device in other colors in the future. I like this device so much I’m not sure I will ever be able to justify the spend for another Cobra. I think I have already found my go to 3D printed device option with the Hera.

Disclaimer: This review represents my own honest opinions. I purchased this device at the full retail price using my own funds, and I have no affiliation with House of Denial other than being a satisfied customer.

permanent chastity

Orgasm Frequency For Chaste Males

By Chaste on Monday, November 20, 2023

After staying locked for 137 straight days and remaining orgasm free for 203 consecutive days, I suppose it’s only natural that orgasm frequency for chaste males is something I think about often these days. In this post, we examine the opinions of women keyholders about how often they feel they should allow their chaste males to come, and I’ll share a few thoughts of my own.

A Consensus Opinion About Length of Initial Lock Up

I’ve read quite a few blogs and books by women, both keyholders and dominant women who are in female led relationships and who impose permanent chastity on their partners with chastity devices. The consensus (and surprisingly consistent) opinion among these women I learned was the initial period of confinement should last for a minimum of ninety days. That’s once a male new to chastity has acclimated to wearing a chastity device more or less comfortably, of course. Then, assuming the women didn’t extend the confinement past the ninety days for unsatisfactory behavior, most said they would unlock their chaste male and allow him his first sexual release in whatever manner suited them.

Orgasm Frequency After the First Confinement

After the first ninety-day period of confinement and first release, these women said they then experimented to determine the optimum orgasm frequency for their males. Their decisions often rested on how long it took their male to return to the desired compliant and accommodating demeanor achieved with the initial 90-day lock up and denial period. There was less consistency in their opinions about orgasm frequency from the initial lock up and beyond, which I suppose is understandable since everyone is unique. We all may respond differently to the same stimulus.

Some women, especially those with younger partners, allowed their males to orgasm once a week. The most common opinion was allowing their male to orgasm once per month, and those women thought they shouldn’t withhold orgasms for over three months unless there were good reasons (e.g., complaining, sulking, whining, etc.).

The third most common opinion was striking a balance between keeping their males completely denied but allowing them to orgasm just often enough to give them hope of gaining a future release. Here, there was no set frequency, just the intent of not extinguishing all hope. Once a male reaches that point, chastity no longer works for either partner and only makes him resentful and depressed.

The Need for Balance

While permanent chastity appeals to me strongly, the idea of permanent denial does not. Except for the brief refractory period, two to three days after an orgasm, I never stop wanting to orgasm. And the longer I am denied, the more desperately I want release, and the more I think about wanting to orgasm. I simply can’t imagine living with orgasms under a permanent embargo. While I think I could live with 90-day periods between orgasms, honestly, having an orgasm once per month sounds much more appealing. Sure, once a week would be amazing and that’s still only 52 orgasms a year, but so far I haven’t had a single keyholder who allowed that.

Chastity is about orgasm control by a keyholder, and the effects of orgasm denial fuels it and produce the positive behavior modification that keyholders seek. But, more denial is not always better with orgasm frequency for chaste males. A keyholder must strike that balance many of the women from the posts and books I read spoke about, the balance between producing the desired behavior and not extinguishing a male’s hope for a future release.

My Experience With the Lack of Balance

Since I’ve shared it before, I won’t repeat the entire story again here. But briefly put, my first keyholder pushed the envelope with denial too far. Once the time between orgasms lengthened too far past what she had allowed in the beginning, I grew depressed and then I became resentful and finally I got angry. So, I pulled the plug and ended the relationship. I just couldn’t continue once all hope was gone.

I want my keyholder’s full control over my access to sexual pleasure and orgasms. I crave it. The control aspect motivates my desire for chastity and willingness to endure the denial. I also prefer indefinite chastity, where my keyholder doesn’t tell me the future date she has set for unlocking me and allowing release. I don’t want to know because then I end up counting down the days instead of just immersing myself in the chastity experience. But what I also want is to feel confidence that my keyholder understands me and the importance of balancing her desires and goals for the relationship with my needs and desires. I’m willing to sacrifice and suffer for her greatly, but I need to see evidence she understands and appreciates it. And from my view, a fair and realistic orgasm frequency is a significant part of all of that.

The Game Chaste Men Are Forced to Play

Yes, there is a fetish or kink aspect to chastity that many guys crave and a keyholder helps satisfy those desires. It’s also a major turn on for a guy because of the loss of control. This is why it is almost always the male who suggests chastity in the first place in an established relationship. The chastity device turns the male’s desire, passion, attention, and energy toward the one holding the keys. His constant awareness of being locked in the device and that he will do anything for her to unlock him, makes him willing to focus entirely on her needs and desires, not his.

As his desire builds over time, the longer he stays locked, the more he enjoys it. But only as long as he holds out hope of getting an eventual release. But some keyholders don’t seem to understand or ignore that chastity should benefit both her and him. It’s okay for him to elevate the keyholder’s needs and desires above his own, but he deserves to have his needs met as much as she does.

All too often, especially around the web where dominant women congregate, I see them insisting male submission, even within the context of chastity, is all about them. They shame guys into silence who mention their needs and desires, suggesting such men think dominant women are kink vending machines who exist only to dispense male sexual pleasure. That makes guys looking for a keyholder, especially those of us who aren’t in a relationship, hesitant to even bring up our expectations for fear of getting shunned. That doesn’t work. It isn’t realistic. No one is that selfless, but we feel forced to pretend we are.

I don’t need or want a keyholder who thinks my needs and desires don’t matter. If something is no fun, there is no point in doing it. No, I don’t expect a keyholder to fulfill my every fantasy or satisfy my every kinky desire. That would be selfish. But I will not shortchange myself by doing something I don’t enjoy. I’m not playing the game.

denial december

How Chaster Changed My December Plans

By Chaste on Sunday, November 19, 2023

So, I have a new keyholder. Again. And Amanda says prepare for Denial December. It seems Chaster changed my December plans.

So, once I lost Lucie at the end of Locktober, I planned to skip NOvember and then take part in Denial December. But then I met Michele and NOvember was back on. When the chemistry never developed with Michele, I decided I wouldn’t renew our agreement after NOvember ended. And since I’m doing NOvember after all, I reckoned I would take a break in December before searching for a new keyholder. Out of curiosity, I decided to explore Chaster, a keyholding application for chastity device wearers and keyholders, and this is how Chaster changed my December plans.

I have known about Chaster for years and knew some guys on Chastity Mansion who used it. It seemed more an application aimed at helping guys who self-locked to stay honest using timed locks. When I looked into Chaster back then, you needed a box with a re-settable combination lock to store your keys in. Then you set a combination without looking, took and uploaded a photo of the combination to the app without looking at it, and when the timed lock expired, you retrieved the combination from the app. I didn’t find it that interesting and never visited the website again until a few days ago. What I discovered after returning to the site and registering was the Chaster app has changed a lot since its inception. Now there are actual keyholders there who supervise the timed locks.

Most of the timed locks featured on the app are called “community locks” meaning anyone registered with Chaster can take part. Registration is free, although they do have a paid option that gives you access to more features. But I think most people would find the free option meets their needs. There are free community locks, but paid locks also exist that require a financial tribute to the keyholder. The paid keyholders must register as “findoms” per Chaster’s terms of service requirements, but they aren’t all findoms in the sense we usually understand the term. Some are, but many aren’t, or at least there are some who will do straight keyholding without you having to take part in financial domination. You only have to pay the agreed tributes. The findom label is only Chaster’s way of letting members know when a lock requires a payment to the keyholder to avoid any confusion.

Financial domination is one kink I just don’t get at all. Why would someone find it sexually arousing to give a complete stranger money who gives them in return nothing but insults? Sometimes lots of money changes hands. I’ve heard some guys have gone into debt paying findoms with credit cards. Judging from what I’ve seen on X (Twitter) I suspect many of these women aren’t even actual dominants but just garden variety “mean girls” looking for some easy cash.

Obviously, the attraction for fin subs must be the humiliation because that’s what these women dish out. It doesn’t appeal to me, but to each his or her own. I’m not judging anyone who is into the financial domination kink, I just don’t get it. Anyway, my point is not all, maybe not even most of the women labeled findoms on Chaster, are anything close to the findom types you commonly encounter on X who are all about the money and only about the money.

While perusing the community locks last Friday on Chaster, many of which were free, I noticed I found those requiring tributes to the keyholder much more interesting. And I found one woman offering some locks I found particularly intriguing. Many were great as she designed them, but I also read that she would customize the locks to individuals. So, I sent her a DM asking for more information, and enjoyed a delightful chat. She turned out to be a very personable woman and helpfully explained how Chaster worked and what I could expect. Then we chatted a little more about the customization she offers, which mostly has to do with the length of the locked period and the sort of teasing tasks she provides.

Long story short, the more we talked, the more the woman impressed me. We will call her Amanda since I don’t have her permission to use her Chaster identity. Like I did with Lucie, I sensed Amanda was obviously an authentic dominant woman, not someone just playing a role. She told me she had one full-time sub but was looking to acquire a second sub if she found someone who met her standards and seemed a good fit. Then she asked if I was interested in finding a full-time Domme. When I admitted I was, she offered me a seven-day trial during which we would get acquainted and see if we were a good fit. When I said I was interested in the trial, she sent me an application for consideration to complete which would help her determine how much kink compatibility we had.

I’ve completed such applications for Dommes before back in my active BDSM community days. They are quite common or were. But Amanda’s was very comprehensive and well designed. It seemed clear she aimed the questions at determining whether I was a true submissive or just a guy willing to submit during play to satisfy my kinks and have some sexy fun. Besides the questions, there were also sections for me to list my kinks, soft limits, and hard limits. I spent almost two hours completing it and then sent it back to her when I had finished. The application didn’t ask for any private information, just questions about my kinks, interests, desires, and opinions about the D/s dynamic. I felt very comfortable completing it and appreciated how detailed it was. I felt it gave me the chance to provide Amanda with a good idea of what kind of person I am and what I’m seeking.

We chatted again later Friday evening after she had reviewed my application. She told me my responses had impressed her, and she felt comfortable proceeding with the seven-day trial and if it seemed we clicked, we could discuss a more permanent arrangement. Frankly, by the time we said goodbye Friday evening, I already felt more chemistry with Amanda than I’ve felt with any keyholder I’ve had except Lucie and my first keyholder.

We chatted again on Saturday afternoon. I had already told her about Michele and my obligation to complete November for her. Amanda asked if I wanted to take a few days off after NOvember before starting the trial since I was doing NNN back to back with Locktober. That sounded tempting, but since I already felt like I would probably be doing Denial December, I told her I was willing to start whenever she wanted to start. Immediately she said in that case we would begin on December 1. I felt sure that was what she had in mind all along, and I had scored a point in my favor by not taking the offered days off. She then mentioned if things went well during the seven-day trial, as she expected they would, then we could just continue with Denial December. I fully expect that will happen as Amanda and I seem to get on well. Before we said goodbye, she had me send her photos of all the toys I had available to play with so she could start creating the teasing tasks for the seven-day lock.

Actually, the more I’ve thought about it, the more eager I am to finish off the year locked. Yes, even a brief break would have been nice, but I know I can finish off NNN and make it through one more month. Amanda knows how long I’ve spent locked, so I feel cautiously optimistic she will allow me some type of release after Denial December before we continue. And yes, I’m also optimistic we will continue. I have a good feeling about Amanda. She doesn’t remind me of Lucie because she doesn’t seem to have the sadist edge to her that Lucie does. But she reminds me a lot of the very first keyholder I had who was always my favorite until I met Lucie. Interestingly, Amanda is Canadian as was my first keyholder, so I hope that bodes well.

I will finish NOvember with Michele and then I’ll start another new chapter in my chastity journey with another new keyholder. And I’m very excited about that because I think this time, I’ve found a keeper. If you’re looking for a keyholder, either free or paid, you might want to check out the Chaster app if you haven’t before. It seems like it might be a good place to find one.

mail call

Mail Call: Chastity Related Questions November 2023

By Chaste on Saturday, November 18, 2023

It’s time once again to dig into the mailbag and to respond to the inquiries sent in by readers in this month’s edition of Mail Call: Chastity Related Questions.

This month, we received questions from two different blog followers about the same issue which suggests their chastity device related issues are something that may apply to our wider audience. Today we’re discussing the appearance of sores on the penis while wearing a chastity device and how to prevent them.

Here is the first email sent in by a reader named Jerry…

I have been using chastity cages for about 7 years but come upon the same problem every time I go for long periods. When I pee (sitting of course) some gets on /in the cage and I get sores, how can I prevent this?

Reader Ray wrote in with a similar issue…

Hello
I recently came across your website and find it very insightful & informative. It is nice to hear from a real living person of their experiences with a chastity device rather than just the marketing material on all the websites. Thank you.
I am very interested in buying a new metal cock cage that provides:
1. Ultra comfort for long-term use
2. Maximum security to prevent escape
My current metal cage is a “Jailhouse metal locking device”. I like the design that provides total enclosure of the penis, however, having worn this continually for 7 days and then taking it off (for a medical appointment) the top of my penis had 2 x cut marks (around the spacing section). The left side of the penis also had early signs of an infection of the foreskin. I shower daily and used Vaseline and baby oil to keep lubricated on a regular basis throughout the day.
So here is the request. I am hoping you can help me by providing me with:
A) 3 x recommendations for alternative metal device options that meet 1 & 2 above.
B) Any other ways to improve my daily hygiene to avoid cuts/infections?
Any feedback from you would be very greatly appreciated.

It’s always difficult to diagnose the specific problems individuals have when wearing chastity devices. Generally, readers who send in questions do a good job of describing their problem. But, not knowing them personally, I can’t, of course, know details about them that could shed light on the problem they share and seek a solution for. That’s the case with both of these situations, since the first thing I would want to know is the specifics of their hygiene habits.

I will do the best I can with what information I’ve got to work with it, but the truth is many things cause sores on the penis. Yet, with wearing chastity devices, poor hygiene habits are always the likely suspect. Not to say these guys are lazy about cleaning their peens. The design of many chastity devices can often make it damn difficult to clean the contents thoroughly enough to prevent problems.

A Clean Peen Is A Happy Peen

A recent survey by The Derm Review, a comprehensive online resource on skincare products, cosmetic ingredients and beauty how to’s, reveals 60 percent of men are washing their penises all wrong (more on that later), and many are not doing it enough. Toss a chastity device into the mix and it exacerbates what can become serious problems from poor hygiene practices. So, someone getting sores or infections on their Johnson after wearing a chastity device should first ask themselves if they are cleaning their penis properly and often enough.

Penis Washing Frequency

The consensus opinion of medical professionals is that we should wash our penis once each day. Some respondents to the survey I referenced reported they washed their penis at least twice a day. But this is a case where more is not always better. Washing too often can cause irritation, dryness, and itching. Still, not washing enough is worse than washing too often.

Infrequent washing results in unpleasant odors and makes your junk a natural breeding ground for bacteria that can cause painful sores and bacterial infections. Trapped urine, leaking semen, and the normal sloughing off of skin cells that also get trapped inside a chastity device contribute to these problems. A thorough cleaning once a day is the perfect frequency, medical professionals say. They also recommend using only warm water and shower gel or soap that is not heavily perfumed, which can cause allergic reactions. Be sure to wash the tip of your penis and, if you’re uncircumcised, pull back and clean beneath the foreskin. Obviously, that’s hard to do while wearing a chastity device, but it is possible (though not easy to do) with the use of cotton swabs.

While Jerry didn’t share what type of device he usually wears, Ray says he has worn a “Jailhouse metal locking device.” From his description of the device as one with a tube that encloses his penis completely, I think he may have described the very first chastity device I tried and found completely unsatisfactory. I didn’t get any sores from it, but I only wore it for a few days before discarding it. Ray’s device evidently worked for him well enough that he wore it continuously for seven days and then discovered the sores when he removed it. My first inclination is that Ray experienced a hygiene related problem, which is common with fully enclosing tube style cages.

While I don’t know what type of cage Jerry usually wears, he mentioned wearing chastity devices for the past seven years. So, I suspect his problem with sores is probably also related to hygiene issues. The longer we’ve worn chastity devices, the more prone we can become to not spending as much time and effort as is necessary to clean our junk properly. Anyway, my advice to Jerry and Ray is to first focus on proper washing and see if that solves their problem. If no improvement happens, then it’s probably time to see a doctor for a professional diagnosis.

Proper Chastity Hygiene Solutions

I know some people prefer the fully enclosing tube type cages. I have a few of them and I do enjoy the sensations the devices provide. But in the interest of good penis health and spending less time making sure I have washed thoroughly, I gravitated to the open-type “birdcage” devices. This means I spend less time in the shower washing and it’s less complicated. But here is my advice to those who prefer the tube type devices. Remove the devices at least every three days so you can wash your penis and clean the device thoroughly. And then dry your junk completely, including the tip beneath your foreskin if you’re uncut and the device before putting it back on.

Yes, I know it feels like a pain to unlock and lock every three days. But I think it’s an inconvenience you just must live with if you choose to wear a fully enclosed device. If you don’t want to do it, then it’s an easy fix. Get an open-style cage instead. There are plenty to choose from in both stainless steel and plastic. My two 3D printed devices, the Cobra and the Hera, both have sufficient openings to allow me to get a fairly thorough cleaning in the shower each day with no special equipment. Still, if I’m self-locking, I remove the device once a week to clean it and give myself a good scrubbing. That can be inconvenient when a keyholder is enforcing my chastity, so instead of removing the device, I use another technique to make sure I get an extra-thorough cleaning once a week.

The Squeeze Bottle Method

I found a cheap plastic bottle at a local dollar store that does a great job of helping me keep the cage contents tidy. First, I fill the bottle with some Dove fragrance free body wash and warm water. I spray the soapy solution into every nook and cranny of my cage. And then I use cotton swabs to scrub the contents of the cage as best I can. Once I’ve finished, I rinse the bottle thoroughly with warm water, fill it with plain warm water, and then again spray the water inside all the openings, including the top of the cage next to my abdomen. Usually I use two full bottles of plain warm water to make sure I’ve rinsed all the soap from inside the cage. Then after toweling dry, I use a blow dryer on low heat to dry the contents of the cage. Your junk does best when you keep the environment clean and dry. That’s why I don’t recommend using products like Vaseline or baby oil inside the cage. I only use a dab of baby oil inside the base ring when putting on the device.

Once You’re Confident You Are Washing Properly and Washing Daily

I’m not a doctor and don’t play one on television, which is why I would suggest only giving things a few days to a week for sores after making sure I was washing properly and daily to see any improvement. If the sores aren’t healing, it’s time to get professional help. Go see your doctor. Also, with infections, I’d recommend seeing a medical professional immediately before things get worse. That’s because poor hygiene practices and wearing chastity devices aren’t the only things that cause sores and infections of the penis. Things like undiagnosed diabetes, STIs, and skin disorders like psoriasis can also cause genital sores and infections, nothing you want to mess around with.

Chastity Device Recommendations

Both Jerry and Ray asked for chastity device recommendations, so I’ll end with that. First, I always recommend open “birdcage” type cages over the enclosed tube styles for continuous wear. It’s just easier to keep things clean and to avoid the issues you are experiencing. Second, I’m not a fan of cheap off-the-shelf chastity devices. We’ve probably all gone that route when we couldn’t justify the spend for a quality, custom-fitted stainless steel device. But if you intend to practice long-term chastity, invest in a quality cage.

The Mature Metal Jail Bird is one of my favorite stainless steel options. But the device offers only two locking options, padlock or security set screw. If you prefer the internal barrel lock system instead, I recommend Badassworkroom devices like my BA-21. The prices for the Jail Bird and the BA-21 are about the same. For a less expensive off-the-shelf option, a 3D printed device is a great choice. I love both my Cobra N and Hera. The nylon material and finishing used in both cases is hypoallergenic and bacterial resistant. I’ve worn the Cobra for multiple months without removing it with no problems and expect the same would be true of my Hera XS. I just haven’t had it long enough to find out yet.

Hopefully, that helps both Jerry and Ray and anyone else who may be experiencing similar problems.

no nut november

NOvember 2023 Halfway Point

By Chaste on Wednesday, November 15, 2023

For those hanging in, we’re at the NOvember 2023 halfway point. Only 15 days of “no nut” to go.

While I operate automatic counters on my Current Status page, I don’t look at them often. While I’m doing an extended, locked session, I find it easier mentally not to track the days. But I looked today out of curiosity and the numbers surprised me. 132 days locked and 199 days since my last release.

The latter number is bigger since I was already doing the Chastity 90 challenge just before I met Lucie. And during the early part of our relationship, she required me to unlock, without a release, a few times. While I have self-locked for much longer, the 132 days feel impressive to me since it is the longest period I’ve stayed locked for a keyholder. And at the end of the month, that number will be 147 days, about 40 percent of 2023. And adding the 15 days to my current number will make it 214 orgasm-free days, or a little over 58 percent of 2023.

I was planning to do Denial December, but that was when I wasn’t planning on doing NOvember. Now I’m undecided. First, I think I need a break. But there is another reason. I’m not feeling confident that Michele is going to be a good fit as a long-term keyholder. Not that she isn’t a lovely person, but the regular teasing we discussed at the beginning hasn’t materialized.

I know she has a lot going on at the moment because we spoke about that last week. And maybe she doesn’t have the time to devote to me. I don’t top from the bottom, so I haven’t registered my dissatisfaction. Honestly, I don’t feel it is my responsibility. She is a dominant woman and a professional, so she should understand the dynamic. Also, two weeks into our first encounter, I just don’t feel we’re developing the chemistry I expected.

Lucie is, of course, a tough act for anyone to follow, but this feels more like inattentiveness on Michele’s part, rather than a lack of ability. The beauty of having a pro keyholder is you have no obligation to continue with them if things don’t go as expected. I only agreed to a month long trial, which I will complete. But barring some dramatic positive change in Michele’s approach, I’m not planning to continue past the end of the month. So, I may take some time off from chastity in December and then search for a new keyholder.

Month: November 2023