I’ve read everything I can find on the experiences of other guys who live the chastity lifestyle. Being new to it, I suppose I feel it will help me to learn things like how to deal with the denial and sexual frustration, what physical and mental changes I can expect from being kept in chastity, and how others relate to their key holders.

One resource I turn to again and again is the Denying Thumper blog. The reason I like it so much is Thumper is so open and honest and can clearly explain his experiences so anyone can understand. I’ve learned more from him about chastity than any other person.

It’s only been a short time that I’ve been locked and denied in comparison to guys like Thumper, who’ve been locked for many years. I only passed the actual 72-hour mark of being locked for the first time yesterday morning. Now I’m steaming toward my first 96-hours locked and beyond unless LJ tells me to remove the cage at some point.

Overall it’s going on nine days since I’ve been allowed to touch my dick or have an orgasm. Again, not a long time in comparison to a lot of other guys. I get it. Still, it’s a long time for me. I don’t think I’ve gone this long without it since I first learned about masturbation when I was a kid.

Anyway, this all got me to thinking about something this morning. Many of the stories I’ve read from other guys say their key holders make them go for weeks or months locked without release. Except for brief minutes to clean up periodically, their dicks remain locked in a cage. But, eventually, most do get a release.

Many guys even have any idea when their next release will happen, even if the date is weeks or months away. At least they can look forward to it. So far, I haven’t really had any of that with LJ.

Once I started sleeping with the cage on, she has only released me for one night. I had to remove the cage, was allowed to sleep without it one night, but had to put it right back on the next morning. The prohibition about touching my penis for pleasure and masturbating remained in effect. It wasn’t a release, just a short time out of the cage. If I couldn’t at least play with it anyway, I’d rather have remained in the cage. But of course, as it should be, LJ’s decisions don’t rely on what I feel would suit me better.

We haven’t had any discussions about when I might expect to be allowed an orgasm. Frankly, sex hasn’t been a part of my first chastity experience in any form at all so far. Having only just met LJ, I truly have no way to guess how long she expects me to remain in denial. On the one hand, the uncertainty of it all is pretty hot. I admit a part of me finds it arousing as hell. On the other hand, it’s more than a little terrifying.

If I knew how long it would be until I would be allowed to orgasm, at least I’d have a goal. I could spend the intervening time counting the days and hours and minutes, hoping I wouldn’t go crazy before reaching the deadline. Instead, I feel I’m more in a situation where I’m locked indefinitely. Of course, since it is indefinite, there is the hope I might be released and allowed an orgasm at any time. But, there is also the awful prospect that this might go on and on, an orgasm-free future stretching to infinity.

Suppose that, instead of chastity and denial lasting for a few weeks, or a month, or even a little more (hard enough for me, I think), just suppose LJ has in mind for it to last longer. Much, much longer. Suppose she intends it to last for several months. That would be a real test of my obedience. That would be a real test of my mettle.

In such a case, I can imagine myself whining and begging after a while, making heartfelt pleas for mercy, lifting up my anguished cries of frustration, even feeling angry at the unfairness of it all. But, if I have submissive leanings and chastity and denial is something I respond to, then even what might seem to be a draconian regimen now might be bearable with enough training.

But, now, let’s think about the unthinkable. What I’ve been talking about up till now is not unimaginable, even though I’m uncertain I’d volunteer for anything as severe as a period of denial lasting several months. But, suppose instead of being locked with a fixed-term embargo on orgasms, that LJ decrees a life sentence? Suppose she says to me, you are never going to come again? You will get close to it. You will never stop wanting it, but orgasm will always be denied. Without exception. Without time off for good behavior. Without the prospect of release. What if she says to me, this is what I want, and I think, however much you resist, you want and need it too. Ultimately you will thank me after you have stopped hating me.

Is this, do you think, the way that madness lies? Could only a lunatic impose such complete and utter control? And would only a lunatic accept it?

I’ll say this. It would certainly be a game-changer. No, if I’m a good boy, will you unlock me and let me cum. No more counting down the days until a release, dreaming of the mother of all orgasms. Just an endless future with no orgasms stretching out into eternity.

Of course, there might be some pleasure. Perhaps LJ would unlock me from time to time and allow me to masturbate, just as long as she trusted me to stop before it was too late. There would be other pleasures too. The pleasure of suffering for her, feeling every day that deep-down ache in my loins from the continual sexual frustration. There would be the pleasure of knowing I pleased LJ with my unwavering obedience to her decree. That purest pleasure of all, the pleasure of knowing I was doing her will. That I was making this supreme sacrifice for her. The renunciation of that moment of jouissance, the spasm of ecstasy. I’d become like a monk, one of the brothers of submission, dedicating myself to service, denying myself the relief of my desires in perpetuity.

Thinking about all this, I begin to wonder if being under sentence of permanent chastity and orgasm denial would give one a whole new perspective on physical pleasure and submission. You wouldn’t be quite the same person, would you? I suspect it would affect every aspect of your sexuality, which would no longer be goal-oriented (when is my next release? when can I come again? etc. etc.). Instead, it would be about a particular state of mind, almost what the religious call a state of grace. What that would feel like, I’m not quite sure.

Even though the idea of perpetual chastity and permanent embargo of orgasms might intrigue, even sound massively arousing, I’m not sure I’m sold on the idea of it. As much as I love being locked for LJ, as much as I love the idea that my penis is no longer mine, but hers to do with as she sees fit. The prospect of what I’ve contemplated here is just too frightening to think about. Don’t you think it’s unthinkable?