Acquiring a Taste for Humiliation Play

While I was pretty active in the BDSM scene and before I developed an interest in wearing chastity devices, I had female dominants who sometimes required me to perform acts I found mildly humiliating. It wasn’t because I had asked for it, but because they enjoyed making me do things they knew I would find embarrassing and I hadn’t claimed it was a hard limit.

In my experience, dominant women (probably applies to most women), often understand men better than men understand themselves. Those women understood what I didn’t, that I would not only find the tasks they set for me embarrassing, but arousing. And no femdom I’ve ever known understands this connection between humiliation and male arousal better than Lucie.

When we first discussed Lucie becoming my keyholder, we discussed limits, things I would not do under any circumstances (hard limits), and things I didn’t really like doing but would do for her benefit if asked (soft limits).

Regarding humiliation, I told her I was fine with private humiliation, even though I didn’t think I found it particularly arousing. But I listed public humiliation as a hard limit for two reasons.

First, I just don’t think it’s right to inflict my personal kinks on third parties without their consent. Second, I had heard many horror stories about Mistresses setting public humiliation tasks for their submissives that terrified me.

One example I recall vividly is a task a Dominatrix gave her submissive to pee himself in a public outdoor place where other people were present so that his shame would be visible for all to see. To me, that was far closer to degradation than humiliation and not something I would even contemplate doing. So, not knowing Lucie well, but knowing she is a self-professed sadist, I wasn’t about to put public humiliation on the table. I’m not a masochist, not for physical pain, and certainly not for emotional pain.

Once we had sorted my limits, Lucie eased into humiliation play, beginning with verbal small penis humiliation (SPH). She would say things like my pathetically tiny dick should be permanently locked in a cage or that I shouldn’t care about getting erections because my dick was too small to satisfy any woman, anyway.

Okay, fair enough, except, Lucie had never seen my peen outside of a chastity device and did not know what size it was or whether I was a “shower” or a “grower.” So demeaning me for being “pathetically tiny” was a little ridiculous and not something I could take seriously. Not only did it not hurt my feelings, I had to exert the effort not to laugh out loud whenever she was going on about my tiny peen. Still, when I thought about it later, her words had made the contents of the cage twitch a little whenever she said things like that.

Next came panties. I’ve never been interested in cross-dressing and I don’t have a panties fetish. Wearing women’s underwear is not something I would find arousing if I did it voluntarily. However, being made to wear panties by a dominant woman is something I find weirdly arousing because I find it mildly embarrassing, especially when she makes me appear on a video call or send her a photo when I’m wearing them. Having an insanely attractive woman seeing me in panties multiplies the embarrassment and then having to admit I like her seeing me wearing panties is even more embarrassing and so arousing. And it also makes me feel submissive.

Whenever I fail to complete one of her assignments to Lucie’s strict standards, she often threatens to make me throw out all my male underwear and wear only panties. But so far, she only makes me wear panties one entire day each week, the day she sets aside for humiliation play. On that one day each week, she usually gave me an assignment that I had to perform during a video call for her entertainment.

Riding a suction cup realistic dildo attached to a chair while naked except for the chastity cage is one recent example. With that sadistic smile on her lips the entire time, that always strikes terror in my heart, Lucie shouted encouragement like, “Good, girl. Keep taking the whole thing.” Yes, I found it humiliating, but I admit also wildly arousing, which felt even more shameful.

Despite all the private humiliation acts Lucie has made me do for her amusement, I know what she really wants is to convince me to abandon my public humiliation hard limit. She has never brought it up or asked me to drop the limit. But recently, Lucie has given me tasks that go right to the edge of the limit’s line without actually crossing it. She is definitely pushing the limit.

Partly, I think it is because she wants to keep things fun and interesting for both of us. But I also think she wants me to progress to where I will do anything she tells me to do without question or hesitation. Regarding humiliation, I think she is circling me like a shark smelling blood in the water, that it is something I find far more arousing than I’ve admitted and a weakness prime for her to exploit.

As an example of one of the recent acts she made me do, Lucie told me to go to a public outdoor space, to take off my clothes, so that I was wearing only the chastity cage, and to take a photo and send it to her to prove I had done it. She stressed it had to be a public space and she would not accept it if I tried to do the assignment at home or on anyone’s private property. Wait, what?

“That’s public humiliation, and I already told you that’s a hard limit,” I protested.

“No,” Lucie countered. “It is in public, but if you’re careful and choose the place wisely, no one will see you. I mean, probably no one will.”

As viable locations that might work with only a tiny possibility someone would see me went through my mind, I felt myself weakening. I admit I find it very difficult to say no to Lucie. Probably to my detriment. So, with reluctance, I finally agreed to do it. I spent a lot of time reconnoitering potential locations because I’m serious about not involving non-consenting third parties in my kinks. And I’m averse to getting arrested for indecent exposure.

Finally, I settled on an outdoor place that was public, a local state park, but where I felt the risk of anyone seeing me was infinitesimally small. I set up my phone camera with a shutter delay of 10 seconds. After looking all around for the thousandth time, I hastily stripped off my shorts, panties, and tee shirt. I pushed the button on the phone camera and hurried into position. As I watched the numbers ticking off on the phone screen; 9… 8…7…, it turned out to be the longest 10 seconds of my life. Finally, I heard the little shutter sound when the camera snapped the photo.

Quickly dressing again, without bothering to put the panties back on to save precious seconds, I looked all around and felt palpable relief at seeing there was no one in sight. I quickly checked the photo, confirming it would pass muster with Lucie, and then, the lacy thong panties balled in my fist, I strode briskly back to where I’d parked the car.

Thankfully, I met no one along the way because I’m sure my face was beet red and anyone would have deduced easily I’d been up to something dodgy. I got in the car and sped away from the area. My breathing and heart rate only returned to normal once I was a mile down the road. Then, I realized something. While the task had felt absurdly risky, now that I had done it, I felt horny AF and sublimely submissive. And such is the stuff erotic humiliation is made of.

Since the day at the park, I have, at Lucie’s command, done more tasks in both indoor and outdoor public spaces. They all have involved getting naked, and often things like anal toys or wearing lingerie. Lucie has always stopped just short of crossing the line of my hard limit boundary, citing minimal risk of me being seen or it’s a public place, but with some measure of privacy, such as a stall inside a public toilet or department store fitting room. But I feel sure I know where she is going with this.

Strangely enough, I feel okay with it and no longer protest. I can’t deny how it seems I’m acquiring a taste for public humiliation play because of the intense arousal and feelings of submissiveness it provokes. Yes, I have done things for Lucie I had never imagined doing. But, I will tell you this. I AM NOT peeing myself in public! That’s where I’m drawing a line in the sand. You hear that, Lucie? I will not pee myself in public!