Some chastity enthusiasts enjoy combining other kinks with practicing chastity. One of them is forced feminization. But many people, including many dominant kinky women, say forced feminization isn’t okay. What’s wrong with forced feminization in the opinion of those who disapprove of it?
Similarly to cuckolding, I don’t consider forced feminization as part of enforced chastity. I see it as a totally separate kink interest. But some people think wearing a cock cage and forced feminization goes together like chocolate and peanut butter. Sometimes it’s the keyholder who wants to incorporate it into the chastity dynamic and sometimes the guy in chastity wants it. In this post, motivated by a post I read on femdom blog where a woman expressed disapproval of forced feminization, I want to discuss what’s wrong with forced feminization in the opinion of many people, especially women.
The Basics of Forced Feminization
Forced feminization (also called sissification) is one of the most common kinks in the world. Forced feminization is a part of the BDSM and D/s male submissive culture. There are a lot of men who engage in it or fantasize about it. Professional dommes I know say forced feminization or sissification is one of their most commonly requested kink sessions. An interest in cross dressing is usually a large part of this kink, but some take it further than just wearing ultra-feminine clothing or high heels. For instance, shaving off all body hair, wearing makeup, and nail polish are also often part of forced feminization or sissification training. Of course, many also wear a chastity device while engaging in this kink.
It’s important to understand that feminization is a sexual fetish involving gender role reversal and embracing feminine roles and expression, but it’s not the same thing as transgender. Submissive men engaging in it are typically heterosexual men who aren’t interested in changing their gender permanently.
A femdom keyholder may order or “force” the submissive male to complete tasks typically seen as feminine, to dress in lingerie or other hyper feminine clothing, shave his body hair, or wear women’s cosmetics. He may perceive the tasks as emasculating or humiliating. For example, being asked to do housecleaning while wearing a French maid costume with a frilly petticoat and high heels.
Is Forced Feminization Really Forced?
There are a lot of reasons sissification training or forced feminization appeals to people, both to femdom keyholders and chastity device wearing men. But is it actually forced? Not really.
Despite the word forced, typically, no one gets coerced or compelled involuntarily to engage in this practice. That would violate the long standing ethical principle of consensual conduct in all things kink. It’s always important to keep in mind when enacting a fantasy, it is only a fantasy. Participation must always be voluntary and limits established and agreed to before beginning kinky play. So why even use the word forced?
Patriarchial society hasn’t just harmed women with its gendered framework. Men, too, suffer the effects. The traditional gender framework marginalizes them as much as it does women, making it difficult for men to be authentic persons. Guys who are naturally submissive feel pressured by societal expectations to put on that alpha mask. If they reveal they are submissive, society will consider them weak and complete losers. Is it any wonder why so many men are into humiliation play? Imagine knowing you are submissive and also knowing society considers that vile. You would naturally feel you deserve humiliation from others.
But a man who has an accepting, understanding, caring, and willing partner feels safe to expose his vulnerabilities, and he also feels the freedom to go with what feels right. That includes taking on fetish roles that aren’t remotely part of his day-to-day life, like sissification or forced femme. Yet for many, the idea of wearing panties, lingerie, or nail polish still feels uncomfortable because escaping those ingrained societal gender expectations isn’t easy.
While a guy may love wearing women’s clothes because he finds them soft and comfortable or feels sexy wearing them, he may still feel embarrassed about liking something society has conditioned him to believe he shouldn’t like. He still needs an out, and that is where the forced in forced feminization comes in. The forced part eases any feelings of guilt from being turned on by taking on a feminine role. He can pretend he wears panties only because his keyholder makes him, not because wearing panties turns him on sexually. And if he still feels a little embarrassed about breaking taboo, that’s okay, because he finds that arousing, too.
What People Dislike About Forced Feminization and Why
Most people say if a man wants to wear women’s clothes because they feel it’s sexy or find women’s panties and lingerie soft and comfortable, great. He should wear women’s clothing all he wants. If he loves makeup, go for it. If he can rock wearing high heels, rock out. To me, that all falls more under the heading of cross dressing than forced feminization. But many women, especially those identifying as feminists say if he is wearing women’s clothes because it humiliates him and that arouses him, that’s a problem. These women feel it is just a way of saying being a woman is so terrible someone must force him to wear women’s clothes and to behave like a woman. And that is sexist.
It’s sexist because it implies he believes women are beneath him, and that’s why someone must force him to wear female clothes and act feminine since, of course, he would never do so otherwise. Getting a thrill from being forced is not the point. It’s the underlying assumption that no man should want to dress or behave in a feminine way.
Look, I get it. I can understand the argument. Society has hard done by women for centuries until relatively recent times. Still does in many places on the globe. I understand why women feel they must remain vigilant and call out sexism wherever they see it to ensure they hold on to the gains already made and continue making progress in securing full equality. But other women say not so fast. There is nothing wrong with a dominant woman feminizing her submissive, chastised man. Here’s how Emma at the Evolving Your Man blog puts it.
Explaining she and her submissive husband play with cross dressing and feminization, mostly at her behest, Emma says she enjoys seeing him in panties and enjoys seeing him in a position that strips him of what she calls his “masculine comfortability.” While she notes, femininity isn’t inherently weak but is actually stronger in many ways than masculinity, a man stripped of what he finds comfortable, puts him at a sexual disadvantage and that produces feelings of weakness.
Emma also reveals she puts her husband in a cock cage, with panties and a bra, to humiliate him and make him feel lesser than. That, she says, makes her feel strong, empowered, and makes her feel in divine control. Emma believes flipping gender roles is about accepting that we all have male and female sides of our natures and exploring the less dominant side is instructive. And in her relationship, it is about allowing her husband to feel comfortable while being sexually vulnerable.
I think Emma makes the stronger argument and I reject the notion that there is anything necessarily sexist about forced feminization or sissification role playing. Sometimes forced femme is only about a power exchange dynamic. And that actually tracks with my experience with forced feminization role-playing. My question to a feminist who believes it is sexist, is this. “What about women who indulge in rape fantasies and get aroused by them? Is that also wrong?” Here’s why that’s a valid question.
According to polls, which have remained remarkably consistent over the years, about 62 percent of women report having rape fantasies in varying degrees of frequency and type. A rape fantasy or a ravishment is a sexual fantasy involving imagining or pretending someone is coercing or forcing you into sexual activity. Some women, although of course they don’t want to get raped, enjoy enacting these fantasies with a trusted partner who pretends to coerce or force them into sexual activity. What has that got to do with forced feminization? A lot, if you study the psychology of these two fantasies, as I have. The motivations to engage in them are almost identical.
Men enjoy forced feminization or sissification training role play because the forced part relieves them of responsibility for wanting something forbidden by societal gender expectations. And they may feel embarrassed or humiliated for wanting it, which may also make them horny. For women who engage in rape fantasies, it’s also an opportunity to indulge in an activity they find very arousing, but that society considers taboo. Society says rape is wrong and so is getting horny fantasizing about it. Since by definition, a woman fantasizing about rape imagines getting coerced or forced into the sex, that relieves her of any responsibility for wanting an experience she shouldn’t want or find arousing. And there are also humiliating aspects associated with rape fantasies many also find arousing.
Fantasy, even when enacted with a trusted partner, is still fantasy. Sexuality experts and mental health professionals say having sexual fantasies is healthy. And when enacted between consenting adults, it really is no one else’s business. Besides, with any sexual acts, people almost always look for reasons to condemn things that don’t interest or arouse them. So, if forced femme or sissification training is something you and your partner enjoy, you needn’t feel you are committing some heinous act of sexism.
My Take on Forced Feminization
To be honest, forced feminization or sissification isn’t a kink I feel a powerful attraction to. It’s not an activity I would ever ask for. With a new domme, I always list it as a soft limit, meaning I might do feminization activities, but I want her to discuss it with me beforehand so I know what I’m agreeing to. And I reserve the right to refuse if it seems too extreme. I will do it for the benefit of a domme who wants me to submit to it, and I have done. In fact, I experienced quite a lot of it with Lucie because she enjoyed making me wear women’s things, like panties and lingerie at home or beneath my usual clothing in public. Mostly because she knew I found it embarrassing. Especially having to take photos while wearing it and having to show them to her. But Lucie always respected my limits and never asked me to do anything extreme, like going grocery shopping while wearing a dress and heels. And that’s something I’d never do, anyway.
Has a friend or partner ever asked you to go somewhere or do something and you knew you would just hate every minute of it? But since they seemed so keen about it, you agreed to it just to be nice? Then it surprised you when you realized you didn’t hate it, but actually kind of liked it. Well, that pretty much sums up my feelings about feminization. I always believe I’ll hate it, but then I’m forced to admit that while it’s embarrassing to mildly humiliating, I sort of like it because it makes me horny. But it is uncomfortable because it feels emasculating, so I understand exactly what Emma says about it. And all that is the attraction for me. Cross dressing is also not a kink of mine so I don’t wear women’s clothes on my own. It’s the embarrassment that makes me horny I enjoy, not the wearing of female clothing. I don’t really think of it as forced though because I know I could always refuse and so I’m doing it willingly. And I’m not making any statement about the value of women when I put on women’s clothing at a domme’s behest.
I already know Amanda, like Lucie, is a fan of feminization too, and I’m feeling a little anxious about it. We’ve had the limits discussion, so she knows how I feel about it and how far I’m willing to go with it. Hopefully, she approaches it the way Lucie did and then we’ll be golden.
Comments
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I think is a very interesting topic and I enjoyed reading your take on it. As a transgender woman, and as a person who has never really liked drag as I find it disrespectful, I find forced feminisation really questionable. I don’t mean to be judgmental, but I cannot separate myself from the politics of being feminised as something worthy of humiliation. It just doesn’t sit well with me.
That does not mean that someone shouldn’t be happily turned on by it. And ditto for rape fantasies. As you say, being turned on by something might not mean we want to act it. But I fear that this is a slippery slope. So many of us, for example, are totally against race play. And then I ask you, what is the difference.
The way women are treated in society is a form of mass discrimination. And what then is the difference between that and bigotry? I just can’t get my head around it. So, I do get that many people enjoy sissification and forced feminisation, but it isn’t something I would ever want to be a part of…
And yet, I too have rape fantasies. So who would I ever be to judge? Nobody. These issues are complex.
Author
Thank you for the comment, PLJ. Much appreciated. Certainly, I understand your perspective. As you said, the issues are complex. Like you it seems, I adopt the “Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Okay” philosophy. We’re all unique and I think we can learn from each other and find strength in diversity. Take care and thanks again for taking the time to comment.