submission Archives - Cut to the Chaste

Chasing the chastity rabbit down the hole without a look back

By Chaste on Thursday, January 9, 2020

I was re-reading one of Thumper’s posts at Denying Thumper, where he talks about listening to a podcast and being taken aback when the hosts said something about not being into chastity for “behavior modification.” Thumper weighs in on the idea with, “Thing is, I can’t conceive of chastity as not modifying behavior. And not just the obvious tactical changes it enforces (no masturbating), but the big picture stuff, too.”

Nearing the end of my eighth consecutive day of being locked, I tend to agree with Thumper’s analysis. I’ll even go a step further. If we’re talking serious, long-term male chastity, I think behavior modification is the whole point of it. Consider what makes behavior modification work, as explained in this excerpt from a Psychology Today article.

“Behavior modification focuses on changing an individual’s environment in ways that increase the likelihood that certain behaviors will occur. Regardless of the specific approaches being used, ‘behavior change’ is always the goal.”

Source: “Understanding What Makes Behavior Modification Work.” Psychology Today. Oct. 2, 2018 web. Dec. 28, 2019.

It certainly alters a guy’s environment big time when his cock gets locked in a chastity device and he loses all access to it. The truth is most guys feel like the very core of their masculinity comes from their penis and being able to use it sexually. Chastity is a sea change in his environment. It’s bound to affect behavioral change.

This point is really being driven home to me today as I enter my second week of being locked in a chastity device. Sure, that isn’t a long time in the greater scheme of things, but it is another profound milestone for me as a novice. It has been an occasion for me to look inward and ponder some of the changes that have already started to take place. One very significant change immediately came to mind.

At first, when I became interested in trying male chastity, I’ll admit my motives were selfish. It was all about me. It was about experiencing something that seemed very erotic to think and fantasize about. I think you can see that in the early posts here on this blog. I remember being so frustrated when LJ wasn’t offering to do the things I expected, like teasing as one example. But, when I think about it today, my paradigm has changed considerably. I’m no longer thinking about what LJ can do for me. Instead, I’m thinking about how I can do more for her; how I can do more to show her my respect, admiration, and devotion. Each day it seems more important to me to please her in every way I can think of given the limitations imposed by our long-distance relationship.

This morning I had to admit to myself for the first time that as much as I love orgasms, I have started to love the feel of LJ’s control even more. In fact, I no longer want her to give me permission to orgasm because she thinks I want to, but only if it pleases her to allow it. Pleasing LJ has slowly turned into my prime directive. I have to admit that while I’ve never considered myself a submissive man, I am starting to feel very submissive toward LJ. One thing worries me about that.

Humility is a good thing. But at least to me, it is only attractive as long as it’s paired with self-confidence and proactivity. But it is starting to seem that being a chaste man tends to make me overly humble and submissive, completely reactive to LJ and her needs. To a degree, I feel I’m even becoming infatuated with LJ to a ridiculous degree.

Can a chaste man become so submissive, so servile, so single-mindedly focused on his keyholder and her happiness, and so docile that she eventually loses interest in him as a man? I’m not certain I want to be transformed into some kind of sycophant by this experience. I have no desire to have my masculinity completely stripped away.

But this fact remains. I have surrendered to LJ and have given her my complete trust. In doing that, I admit I have found true happiness. I have stopped struggling to be her equal and have submitted fully to her female authority.

In some ways, I feel like I’m on a greased ledge with no handholds, slowly sliding toward the drop-off into the abyss of chastity and there is nothing I can to slow it down.

The further I go down the rabbit hole with this, the more time I spend locked for LJ, the more I discover about myself. To be fair, I suppose that is the very reason I wanted to explore this.

submission

Does the desire to wear a male chastity device make you submissive?

By Chaste on Monday, January 6, 2020

Most of what you find to read about male chastity on the webs suggests that any guy who desires to have another person lock his peen in a chastity device and control his orgasms is by definition submissive. But is that true? Let’s talk about that.

As I’ve shared before, I have considerable past experience in the kink world to include BDSM play and actual relationships based upon the dominant and submissive dynamic. From the time I first became involved, my role was always dominant or top, depending on the particular circumstances. My partners were always submissive women. So, does my recent interest and participation in male chastity mean I’ve suddenly become submissive? Was I filling the wrong role all those years? I don’t think so. But, before I explain, let’s take a look at submission.

Let me first offer my perspective on submissive men. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man being submissive or wanting to submit. Given my past experience, I have great respect for submissive people, whether male or female. I have a healthy view of submission. Being submissive does not mean a guy is weak or unmanly. Being submissive doesn’t necessarily mean a guy isn’t a real man. It doesn’t mean he is a doormat or milquetoast. Many submissive people I’ve known over the years are by nature very strong, assertive individuals. They simply enjoy the submissive role, submitting to more dominant people, especially when it comes to erotic play and sex. Submitting is what feels most fulfilling to them.

Also, a submissive guy might have several facets to his submissiveness, perhaps sometimes overlapping with each other, depending on his partner, his mood, and the stage of his development. There is no form of submissiveness that is “better” or more true to the essence of submission than any other. That brings me to the next point. There are many different types of submissive individuals. Qualified people who have studied the psychology of it say there are perhaps seven to nine different types. Simply looking at the extremes of a range of submissive men, we could say at one end of the spectrum, you have the “slave” and, at the opposite end, the “bottom.”

A slave gives himself lock, cock, and barrel to his dominant partner. For our purposes in the discussion of male chastity, the key holder. Beyond being locked in a chastity device, a slave happily submits to being beaten, pierced, even branded. Anything goes. He is owned body and mind. He will accept sleeping on the floor or even in a cage. He will submit to be given to others for use, for example, when cuckoldry is part of the dynamic. This is perhaps the pinnacle of being submissive, whether male or female.

On the other end of the spectrum is the bottom. Not to say a bottom doesn’t authentically submit to his partner, but a bottom submits to obtain the desired outcome. In the context of male chastity, he submits to have the fantasy realized. He desires a strong, dominant partner, usually a woman in my own experience, to lock his peen in a chastity device and control not only his orgasms but even access to his own genitals. Male chastity is just the icing on the cake so to speak, not a vehicle for expressing his highest submissive nature. It’s a transactional arrangement where he gets what he wants, the mind fuck of being locked and denied, in return for the dominant getting what she wants, usually control.

I think the reason so much of what you read about male chastity on the webs seems to insist that all men who want to be kept in chastity are by definition submissive males, is because much of it is written by women who subscribe to the concept of female supremacy within Femdom or FLRs. This I believe, is largely what has perpetuated the myth that all men who want to be kept in chastity, especially by a dominant woman, are submissive by nature. But, I submit it is only a myth. Some chaste males are submissive, some aren’t. It isn’t a requirement that a guy is submissive for him to desire being locked.

The desire by a male to be sexually dominated by a woman in any fashion doesn’t necessarily equate to having some deep-rooted need to express his submissive nature. A man might just as easily only desire to be the bottom during the sexual experience. For some guys then, the desire to be sexually dominated by a woman by having her lock his penis in a cage and assume control over his access to sexual pleasure can be as simple as wanting to fulfill an arousing fantasy by being the bottom during this specific form of sexual play.

A good way to describe this to guys who have never experienced having their penis locked in a device and denied sexual pleasure is to compare it to something someone is absolutely passionate about–say chocolate, for example. If chocolate is your weakness and your ultimate favorite chocolate is locked inside a cage where you can see it, you can smell it, you can almost taste it–you will naturally crave it. And the person who has the key to the cage says they will let you have it, but only if you submit to something they want from you. If you want the chocolate bad enough, if you crave it strongly enough, you will do whatever it takes to get it. Each task you perform at the behest of the key holder only increases the value of the chocolate you can’t have. Each task only heightens your need to please the key holder who controls access to that which you want the most. Naturally, you behave more and more submissively to the key holder. It’s because you become desperate to please to get the chocolate you’re starving for. But, in these circumstances, behaving submissively no matter how authentic, doesn’t necessarily mean a man is submissive by nature or temperament.

Think about all the men you’ve read about who often entertained the supremely arousing fantasy of giving a woman power over their orgasms and feeling the sensations of having a device locked on their cock as a constant reminder that they are not allowed to orgasm. Those who find a woman willing to lock them up achieve such a “needy” state of arousal that they reach a mental state of submission where they will do almost anything to please their key holder. The intensity of the sexual arousal enhances sensations and everything around them takes on new meaning. It creates a depth like nothing else they have ever experienced and can be highly addictive. It may also foster a profound emotional dependency on the person holding the key.

But what happens in many cases when they are allowed release? What happens when they finally get the forbidden chocolate? The submissive feelings evaporate. That’s because, for most men, submission is directly related to their level of sexual arousal.

Once they achieve orgasm, their submission no longer exists. Submission for them is not a state of nature, but a temporary state of mind, a behavior adapted to meet the desired end. Such men then, as much as they love experiencing male chastity, are not submissive.

I’d wager you this. You could take the manliest, dominant man you could find. If you could convince him to allow you to lock a cage on his penis and subject him to a long enough period of sexual teasing and denial, he’d eventually be willing to do almost anything to get out of the cage and experience orgasm. He would behave submissively though not a submissive.

The point of all this is you needn’t be a submissive man where being locked is only another natural outlet to express your submissive nature. I think any guy with the desire to explore male chastity, submissive or not, can find it quite a meaningful and fulfilling experience. In fact, you don’t even have to be kinky as today many vanilla men enjoy being locked in a chastity device too.

submission

The paradox of enforced male chastity

By Chaste on Friday, December 20, 2019

I’ve been contemplating something for a while now, and I’m just going to throw it out there. There seems a paradox at the heart of enforced male chastity regarding the submissive aspect of it.

It all starts with a powerful sexual fantasy inside a guy’s head, to surrender ownership of his penis to another, having it locked up in a chastity device under the complete control of a key holder. He wants to renounce his own desires and impulses for sexual release and submit completely to the key holder. He wants to please his key holder above all other things.

Never unlock me and give me release for my sake, he says. Deny me because you want to. Control my orgasms because you can, but never because you think I like it. I suppose a key holder, at least one who is eager to fulfill the role rather than perhaps a wife, girlfriend, or lover who has been cajoled or persuaded to lock a guy up likes to hear him say this. I’m certain she must like hearing it if she is truly into enforcing male chastity; if she genuinely delights in controlling a man totally, using his penis only for her pleasure, testing his limits of submission, and pushing him beyond them.

In the circumstances I’ve outlined, it seems the two of them fit perfectly together, like two halves of a neatly carpentered dovetail joint. As it is often said, opposite poles attract. As a straight male, I have in mind here a strong, dominant woman. A woman who understands a man in chastity is far more motivated to please her when his natural biological drive for frequent sexual release goes unmet. A woman who frankly wants to be in charge, to have complete control in the relationship. She is not only a key holder but the literal key to turning sexual fantasies into reality. To put it bluntly, it’s completely up to her to make male chastity work.

And yet, if she wants what he wants, then isn’t he getting exactly what he wants. And in pleasing herself, she gives him what he desires most. How then is the key holder controlling him? It might be argued that he is controlling her, only giving her the illusion that she is the one in control. When all along, she is giving him exactly what he wants.

Would he not be more truly submissive if she offered him only the kind of chastity from which he could derive no pleasure? If she gave him nothing but instead despised him, ignored him, locked him up and then abandoned him? If he still wanted only to be locked for her in chastity and obey her, would that not be true submission?

Whereas he knows full well he will receive from her only that which delights him: locking him in the chastity device which serves as a constant reminder that she owns his penis, the denial which provokes the fullness in his balls that makes him crave release. The intense teasing aimed at driving him wild with need and sexual desire, the edging without ever crossing the finish line, the threats of punishment if he dares to touch himself for self-pleasure without her permission, the acts aimed at emasculating him. All these things, all this cruelty, he craves.

The key holder is both free to do with him as she pleases within the confines of the limits they have negotiated and yet reliant on his consent. He voluntarily agrees to give up his freedom of choice. No doubt when he is aroused, both mentally and physically, the key holder does hold genuine control over him. She can make him do things he might not ordinarily do, endure things he may have thought unbearable, want things he never imagined. This control is real, it’s not something he pretends to give her. When he is in the throes of arousal, it may seem as if her control is limitless. But reality ultimately intrudes, the ebb and sway of power and control will shift again.

His submission is real enough in the heat of the moment. For him, there’s a wonderful freedom in renouncing control, in being taken out of himself. And for her, a heady sense of power in assuming this total control.

The conventional view is that in the relationship between the locked up male and key holder, the male renounces control. It is the key holder who prevails, whose word is law. That’s the theory. However, in practice, it is a bit more complicated than that. The transfer of power from the male in chastity to the key holder is freely given. It’s a consensual transaction. We aren’t talking about something based on force as exists in the outside world, where the strong exploit the weak. It’s a voluntary exchange of power.

But, if consent is freely given, how can it be the key holder is in control? Is not the one who grants or withholds consent actually in control? And yet, the appeal of this relationship for the male who craves enforced chastity is that he has ceded control to another. That’s where the excitement comes from, for him. That is why locking his own penis in a chastity device and observing a self-imposed period of abstinence will never suffice. He needs a key holder with the right to order him to do things, even things he doesn’t want to do. He needs to feel he has renounced his right to say no. If it is not so, then it all becomes a rather pointless exercise. He has to feel her power over him is real, not merely a convention.

Given the paradox, some might say, if this is all true, then surely enforced male chastity is only a game. My reply would be it is indeed a game, with strict rules. If you don’t play a game by the rules, what’s the point in playing at all? And it’s a very serious game, as all games worth playing are. Perhaps we can say it’s like the state of mind you adopt when reading a novel. You know at the outset the story isn’t true. Yet while you read you allow yourself to believe that it is, otherwise the story couldn’t hold you in its spell. Literary people call this “the willing suspension of belief.” I think enforced male chastity may be similar.

He knows he could stop her and demand his release if he wished to, but he wants it all to be real. He is willing to suspend belief. He needs a good key holder for it all to work—a figure of authority who provides necessary guidance and discipline, and even punishment if it is deserved. He needs to trust her, to view her as the one person who will not let him down. He craves her approval, dreads her displeasure, and constantly strives not to disappoint her. But, in all of that, is there true submission?

Here is something I use to think. I believed that a man who desired to submit to enforced chastity wanted nothing but to please his key holder. I believed altruism, and the submission inherent in the arrangement went hand in hand. But now I tend to think that’s a superficial view. In fact, it now seems to me that a man who desires to submit to enforced chastity is really seeking to have his own needs indulged. The submissive aspect to it then is not about self-abnegation. It’s quite the opposite. It’s about self-fulfillment. You concede control, but only so that the key holder will take full advantage of it.