Most of what you find to read about male chastity on the webs suggests that any guy who desires to have another person lock his peen in a chastity device and control his orgasms is by definition submissive. But is that true? Let’s talk about that.
As I’ve shared before, I have considerable past experience in the kink world to include BDSM play and actual relationships based upon the dominant and submissive dynamic. From the time I first became involved, my role was always dominant or top, depending on the particular circumstances. My partners were always submissive women. So, does my recent interest and participation in male chastity mean I’ve suddenly become submissive? Was I filling the wrong role all those years? I don’t think so. But, before I explain, let’s take a look at submission.
Let me first offer my perspective on submissive men. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man being submissive or wanting to submit. Given my past experience, I have great respect for submissive people, whether male or female. I have a healthy view of submission. Being submissive does not mean a guy is weak or unmanly. Being submissive doesn’t necessarily mean a guy isn’t a real man. It doesn’t mean he is a doormat or milquetoast. Many submissive people I’ve known over the years are by nature very strong, assertive individuals. They simply enjoy the submissive role, submitting to more dominant people, especially when it comes to erotic play and sex. Submitting is what feels most fulfilling to them.
Also, a submissive guy might have several facets to his submissiveness, perhaps sometimes overlapping with each other, depending on his partner, his mood, and the stage of his development. There is no form of submissiveness that is “better” or more true to the essence of submission than any other. That brings me to the next point. There are many different types of submissive individuals. Qualified people who have studied the psychology of it say there are perhaps seven to nine different types. Simply looking at the extremes of a range of submissive men, we could say at one end of the spectrum, you have the “slave” and, at the opposite end, the “bottom.”
A slave gives himself lock, cock, and barrel to his dominant partner. For our purposes in the discussion of male chastity, the key holder. Beyond being locked in a chastity device, a slave happily submits to being beaten, pierced, even branded. Anything goes. He is owned body and mind. He will accept sleeping on the floor or even in a cage. He will submit to be given to others for use, for example, when cuckoldry is part of the dynamic. This is perhaps the pinnacle of being submissive, whether male or female.
On the other end of the spectrum is the bottom. Not to say a bottom doesn’t authentically submit to his partner, but a bottom submits to obtain the desired outcome. In the context of male chastity, he submits to have the fantasy realized. He desires a strong, dominant partner, usually a woman in my own experience, to lock his peen in a chastity device and control not only his orgasms but even access to his own genitals. Male chastity is just the icing on the cake so to speak, not a vehicle for expressing his highest submissive nature. It’s a transactional arrangement where he gets what he wants, the mind fuck of being locked and denied, in return for the dominant getting what she wants, usually control.
I think the reason so much of what you read about male chastity on the webs seems to insist that all men who want to be kept in chastity are by definition submissive males, is because much of it is written by women who subscribe to the concept of female supremacy within Femdom or FLRs. This I believe, is largely what has perpetuated the myth that all men who want to be kept in chastity, especially by a dominant woman, are submissive by nature. But, I submit it is only a myth. Some chaste males are submissive, some aren’t. It isn’t a requirement that a guy is submissive for him to desire being locked.
The desire by a male to be sexually dominated by a woman in any fashion doesn’t necessarily equate to having some deep-rooted need to express his submissive nature. A man might just as easily only desire to be the bottom during the sexual experience. For some guys then, the desire to be sexually dominated by a woman by having her lock his penis in a cage and assume control over his access to sexual pleasure can be as simple as wanting to fulfill an arousing fantasy by being the bottom during this specific form of sexual play.
A good way to describe this to guys who have never experienced having their penis locked in a device and denied sexual pleasure is to compare it to something someone is absolutely passionate about–say chocolate, for example. If chocolate is your weakness and your ultimate favorite chocolate is locked inside a cage where you can see it, you can smell it, you can almost taste it–you will naturally crave it. And the person who has the key to the cage says they will let you have it, but only if you submit to something they want from you. If you want the chocolate bad enough, if you crave it strongly enough, you will do whatever it takes to get it. Each task you perform at the behest of the key holder only increases the value of the chocolate you can’t have. Each task only heightens your need to please the key holder who controls access to that which you want the most. Naturally, you behave more and more submissively to the key holder. It’s because you become desperate to please to get the chocolate you’re starving for. But, in these circumstances, behaving submissively no matter how authentic, doesn’t necessarily mean a man is submissive by nature or temperament.
Think about all the men you’ve read about who often entertained the supremely arousing fantasy of giving a woman power over their orgasms and feeling the sensations of having a device locked on their cock as a constant reminder that they are not allowed to orgasm. Those who find a woman willing to lock them up achieve such a “needy” state of arousal that they reach a mental state of submission where they will do almost anything to please their key holder. The intensity of the sexual arousal enhances sensations and everything around them takes on new meaning. It creates a depth like nothing else they have ever experienced and can be highly addictive. It may also foster a profound emotional dependency on the person holding the key.
But what happens in many cases when they are allowed release? What happens when they finally get the forbidden chocolate? The submissive feelings evaporate. That’s because, for most men, submission is directly related to their level of sexual arousal.
Once they achieve orgasm, their submission no longer exists. Submission for them is not a state of nature, but a temporary state of mind, a behavior adapted to meet the desired end. Such men then, as much as they love experiencing male chastity, are not submissive.
I’d wager you this. You could take the manliest, dominant man you could find. If you could convince him to allow you to lock a cage on his penis and subject him to a long enough period of sexual teasing and denial, he’d eventually be willing to do almost anything to get out of the cage and experience orgasm. He would behave submissively though not a submissive.
The point of all this is you needn’t be a submissive man where being locked is only another natural outlet to express your submissive nature. I think any guy with the desire to explore male chastity, submissive or not, can find it quite a meaningful and fulfilling experience. In fact, you don’t even have to be kinky as today many vanilla men enjoy being locked in a chastity device too.