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Guide To Finding A Professional Chastity Keyholder

By Chaste on Monday, June 8, 2020

This post, a guide to finding a professional chastity keyholder, is meant for guys who aren’t in a relationship and who want an actual keyholder. Sometimes single chaste men are between relationships, and just don’t have a friend they feel comfortable asking to hold their keys. When DIY chastity gets too hard, maybe it’s time to find some professional help.

Keyholding services within the Femdom community are offered by professional dominatrices, pro-dommes, lifestyle mistresses, and others. The number of women providing keyholding services seems to be soaring right on pace with the growing interest among males to wear chastity devices.

As a guy who has used online prop chastity keyholders, I’ll offer here some advice and tips I learned from trial and error. After reading this post, you should be able to find the right pro for you, even if it’s your first time.

What Are Pro Keyholding Services?

Professional keyholding services are literally that. Someone holds the keys to a chastity device for a fee. Usually, it’s a dominant woman experienced in male chastity who holds the keys to a guy’s chastity device, without necessarily having any other sort of relationship with him.

The length of time the keys are held can vary. Depending on the specific set-up of your keyholding service, the duration may be pre-arranged, or it can be open-ended. In that case, it’s up to the discretion of the keyholder, unless you request an early release and she permits it, of course.

How Much Does Pro Keyholding Cost?

As with most other for-fee services, the costs for pro keyholding vary widely. Since each keyholder sets her prices, there doesn’t seem to be any set going rate for these services. Each keyholder sets the price she feels her keyholding service is worth, and that’s the price you’ll need to pay. Some keyholders have a set price across the board. Others tailor their prices according to the person, and the particulars of the services provided. Often a keyholder sets her prices based on her popularity within chastity circles and her level of expertise.

Expect to pay more for services from a keyholder who has no difficulty acquiring clients or keeping the number of clients she wants, and those who have a lot of chastity experience.

Also, the specific type of keyholder makes a difference. As a rule, expect to pay a professional dominatrix more than a pro-domme and a pro-domme more than a lifestyle mistress. That has to do both mostly with the breadth of services some keyholders offer in comparison to others.

Price Comparisons

You can find professionals who will simply be your keyholder if that’s what you want. There won’t be any frills or extras with such an arrangement. They will lock you and then hold the keys for the agreed upon duration. Others also offer additional services like periodic check-ins to make sure you’ve remained locked and tease and denial services.

For basic online keyholding services, I’ve seen prices that range from $35 per week for a lifestyle mistress to $300 per week for a professional dominatrix. Dominatrices and some pro-dommes tend to be full-time sex workers who make their livings from indulging the kinks and sexual fantasies of their clients. They are often highly skilled and experienced. Many of them have formalized training. It’s only to be expected that their services command the highest prices.

Recently, I looked at the website of a pro-domme who offers keyholding services. Her fees for someone looking only for their chastity device keys to be held is $60 per week. If a person requests tease and denial throughout the keyholding, the price increases to between $125 and $200 per week. She explains the added costs are because of photographs she must take and send, the teasing emails she must carefully draft, and the other forms of teasing she adds to create a “tortuous” chastity experience clients will enjoy.

Personally, I have paid between $20 and $50 per week for online keyholding services that included keyholding and some form of teasing and denial. I’ve only used lifestyle mistresses, women for whom keyholding is only a side gig, not a full-time job. That has been a conscious choice. I consider the amounts I’ve paid reasonable and the services I’ve received well worth the investment. Maybe I’m cheap, but I can’t imagine paying $200-$300 a week to satisfy my chastity kink, especially when I’m only interested in online services.

Available Services

As with prices, some professional keyholders offer a standard service across the board, whereas others will tailor their services in a la carte fashion according to the wishes of the client. There is a set rate for the basic keyholding, and then you pay extra for any additional services you select from a menu of options.

Here is a list of additional services you can expect to find to go along with keyholding.

Keyholder supervised lock up via an audio-video platform like Skype.
Teasing via an audio-video platform.
Teasing by email or text.
Teasing by phone (usually via a platform like Nite Flirt with per-minute charges).
Teasing erotic photos taken and sent by the keyholder.
Small penis humiliation (SPH) via an audio-video platform, webcam, or submitted images.
Periodic surprise lock up verification checks where you must submit a proof photo with a specified time.
Weekly lock up verification checks by photo submission.
Locks (you pay for) provided by the keyholder and sent by mail to which she retains all the keys.
“Property of” tags (you pay for) with the name of the keyholder inscribed on them, which you can attach to your chastity device.

Most of the services on the list are purchased a la carte and paid for in addition to the basic keyholding service. However, I’ve seen a few professional dominatrices who insist on supervising lock up via an audio-video platform or webcam.

Chastity services provided via Skype or similar audio-video platforms are the most expensive as time must usually be purchased in hourly blocks. You pay essentially the same hourly rates that a professional charges local clients for face-to-face services delivered at her dungeon or some other private setting.

A Word About Professional Keyholders

Whether or not a pro keyholder identifies as a sex worker, you can be certain of one thing. These ladies are not prostitutes. They will not have sex with you in person and will not have cybersex with you online. They may require you to perform sexual acts like edging to accomplish teasing, but they won’t perform sexual acts for you. It’s always a dominant-submissive dynamic, and they are the dominants. They command, and you obey.

Before You Contact A Pro

A professional domme with years of experience I’m acquainted with offers these common-sense suggestions to guys looking for their first pro keyholder.

Before reaching out to a pro, know what it is you want. Do you want someone to simply hold your keys? For some guys, this is all they need, a keyholder to enforce their chastity, so they don’t have to depend on willpower alone. Other guys want teasing to go with the denial. Still, others want to be subjected to periodic surprise inspections to verify they are still locked. The reason it’s so important to know what you want is that’s the only way to judge compatibility with a prospective pro. Does she offer the services you want in the way you want them delivered and at a price you’re willing to pay?

Once you know what services you want, it’s time to start looking at some potential professionals. The easiest way to find them is the Internet. You can just Google “chastity keyholders” and get a lot of links to the websites of professional keyholders. Also, there are various Mistress directory websites online you can consult. You can even find keyholders on social media. Searching the hashtag #keyholder will lead you to some possibilities. Though in my experience, most professional keyholders don’t prefer you to make initial contact with them on social media. Most have websites and have a specific form they expect prospective clients to fill out. That lets them decide whether they feel a client is a good fit before discussing particular services and fees.

My pro acquaintance recommends that you only consider professionals who have a website. That’s an indication of legitimacy. She warns so-called “dommes” are a dime a dozen on social media, and BDSM websites and kinky dating apps are overflowing with fakes who try to shill you out of money.

When you start looking at websites, read them thoroughly. Read as much as possible before corresponding with the keyholder. Her website is there for a reason—to give the viewer an understanding of what she offers. You can get an idea of who she is by how she presents herself online. Does she sound like she knows what she’s talking about? Once you’ve read over the website of someone who interests you, then you can check out her social media presence where she interacts with other professionals. Seeing how she talks shop with other professionals on social media can provide you with an invaluable insight into her perspective on chastity, and give you an idea of her personality.

Remember, the information on a professional keyholder’s website is there for a reason. If you don’t read it, the mistress will have to answer questions, and repeat the details she has already provided on her website. Mistresses find that annoying. You don’t want to be annoying, do you? Being annoying can mean getting rejected. These ladies are always plagued by “time wasters,” guys who want their attention, but who will never pay for services. Failure to do your due diligence might be interpreted by a potential pro to mean that you fall into the time waster category. Then they will ignore you.

First Contact

Once you’ve looked at websites and narrowed it down to one or two (or maybe three) potential keyholders, it’s time to make the first contact. Usually, you will find a contact form on the websites. Fill it out clearly, succinctly, and with as much detail as you can about exactly what you’re looking for. Short one-sentence messages show zero effort. If you put zero effort into the first contact, the pro will also probably put zero effort into a response. Thought and consideration make applicants stand out. You want to stand out because many of these ladies can afford to be particular about who they accept as clients and are. Treat it like a job application. Try to impress. Be on your best behavior. Be courteous, polite, and give as much info on yourself and desires as reasonably possible. Do tell them how much experience you have with wearing chastity devices if applicable. Then wait for a reply. In my experience, professionals reply to inquires promptly, usually within a day or two at most.

Next Step

Once a pro responds to your initial contact, if they are interested, it will spark a discussion, usually in the form of a few email exchanges. Some will ask for more information. If she asks specific questions out of you, answer them. It’s a very straightforward process. Chances are she has done this thousands of times already and knows exactly what she needs to ask and what information she needs to have. Answer the questions truthfully. Don’t omit information because you feel embarrassed about something. If you’re embarrassed about your needs and desires, I guarantee that they will never be met and fulfilled.

Pro keyholders may ask you to list your “limits.” Most of them will. If you’re not familiar with limits, it is simply things you are unwilling to do with regard to your chastity experience. For example, you won’t provide images of you wearing a chastity device that shows your face. Or, you won’t engage in Skype calls or appear on a webcam.

Limits is a term used by “play partners” in BDSM and other power exchange relationships. Since the relationship between a chastity device wearer and his keyholder is a power exchange relationship, limits are a necessary part of chastity agreements. Limits can cover a lot of things. You may want to review a play partner play list like the one on this website. Consider any of the activities that might be used in tease and denial with an eye for things you would or wouldn’t be willing to do.

Agreement Or Contract

Once the professional has a firm idea of what you want and you a good idea of what services she can or will provide, it’s decision time. If you feel you have found a keyholder who will be a good fit for you, she will send you a written agreement or contract to sign that contains the details of what you both have agreed to. As a minimum, the agreement will include—duration of the agreement, services the keyholder will provide, keyholder’s rules or expectations, “proof of lock” procedure, cancellation rights and process, fees, and how you will pay the keyholder.

Fixed Duration Or Open-Ended

Most professionals offer either fixed duration keyholding or open-ended keyholding. Fixed duration means a specific length of time—two weeks, one month, two months, etc. Open-ended means keyholding service agreements with no specified end date. The agreement continues as long as you pay the required fees.

Based on my experience, I recommend going with a fixed duration agreement first. Ideally, two-weeks if the professional you’re considering offers that. One month would be the next option, which is usually available. This gives you and the keyholder the chance to see how well you work together. After that “trial” period you can decide whether you want to transition to an open-ended agreement.

The thing about open-ended contracts is they often include a “penalty” fee, an amount you are expected to pay the keyholder if you decide to terminate the keyholding service. Will the keyholder turn you over to a collection agency or sue if you don’t pay the cancellation fee? No, chastity keyholding agreements aren’t enforceable in the courts. But, if you stiff a professional keyholder, expect her to tell other professionals about you. They talk with each other. You will find it difficult, if not impossible, to get another professional to take you on. If you object to paying cancellation fees, don’t agree to them at the start.

How Pros Enforce Chastity

Except for keyholders who use Skype or webcams, the most common “proof of locked” procedure is the chastity device wearer sends a photo to the keyholder showing the device locked in place. Some keyholders will require that a newspaper or something else showing the current date be included in the image. Also, some keyholders will sell you a lock and mail it to you, and they will keep the keys.

Because other chastity device locking options are rapidly replacing the padlock, like integrated “magic” locks and security screws, professional keyholders have other “proof of locked” procedure options. As an example, with my first pro keyholder, I purchased a small, inexpensive safe designed for connection to WiFi. Once I transferred the control over the safe to my keyholder, only she could open it via a remote control app on her smartphone. I had to send her a video of me locking my keys in the safe. Then only she could open the safe to give me access to them. There are lots of other procedures in use that deny the device wearer access to the keys.

Numbered plastic locks are also popular options. You lock your device with one and then take and send a photo clearly showing the number on the lock. The lock can only be removed by cutting it off. That makes it obvious the wearer has removed the device if he does so without the permission of the keyholder.

There are still a few keyholders who will allow you to physically mail your keys to them. But, this is becoming rare. For obvious reasons, keyholders are not going to give clients their home address. To accept physical keys, they must maintain a commercial mailbox, which is another expense.

Regardless of the procedure, your keyholder will explain what her requirements are.

Wrap Up

Long-distance keyholding is not foolproof. You can probably find a way to cheat if you wish to do so. But if you lie about being locked in chastity, when you aren’t, you only rob yourself of a real experience. Also, if a keyholder catches you cheating, she will kick you to the curb. And, yes, you’re name will get out there in the professional keyholder community, and you won’t be welcomed by another professional.

Some keyholders have specific qualifications for clients. Some won’t accept clients under a particular age, like twenty-one. I know of one who only takes clients who are age thirty and over. Some won’t accept clients who are married or in a committed relationship.

Lastly, some keyholders require regular communication, especially with clients who are new to wearing chastity devices. They should explain those requirements to you in detail before you sign an agreement.

Hopefully, after reading this post, you now feel confident that you can contact a professional keyholder and negotiate a keyholding agreement that suits your needs. Sure, I suppose if we had the choice, none of us would wish to pay for keyholding. But, professional keyholders provide a valuable service. Without them, a lot of guys would have only the option to self-lock. I’ve had great experiences with those I’ve used.

male chastity

The Surrendering Control Part Of Male Chastity

By Chaste on Tuesday, June 2, 2020

While I’m still learning about all the reasons I feel such a strong attraction to it, I do know I like the inherent surrendering control part of male chastity. Not just yielding control, but the awareness of the power of the keyholder over me, the feel of her control over me, and the way she manipulates control itself.

Male chastity associations are control-sensitive relationships. I’ve always been intrigued by anything that has to do with the transfer of control to or from someone. In this post, I want to explore control within the framework of male chastity by looking at what transpires when you relinquish control of your sexual desire to a keyholder by submitting to her locking your penis inside a chastity device and taking possession of the keys.

Fantasies Fulfillment

Many men who desire a keyholder to lock them in a chastity device are consciously seeking out opportunities to enact pleasurable fantasies of being sexually controlled. It can be a temporary escape from the tensions and responsibilities of daily life. The period of submission is, in effect, a time when you can cast aside many worldly obligations, societal expectations, and gendered norms, a time of surrender and receptivity to the stimulus that a keyholder bestows. You don’t have to make decisions. There are no distractions to reduce the intensity of perception.

When a guy wears a chastity device for a keyholder, it permits him to explore absolute powerlessness in a safe context, knowing that no actual harm will occur and that he will not be condemned or ridiculed. For me, submission in chastity is not about being passive or giving in to the will of another because I’m weak. It’s about voluntarily turning over my power to someone else.

Erotic Coercion

Chastity is a form of erotic coercion, a term, that within the context of male chastity, refers to a keyholder forcing a chaste male to do something which he protests and which may be fundamentally humiliating. At the same time, this sense of coercion is precisely what makes the experience arousing.

Coercion scenarios depend on the chaste male’s ability to enter into the fantasy and to feel his keyholder is forcing him to accept something, even if that something is exactly what he craves. It might only mean being forced to surrender control over his sexual desire to a keyholder. For some, it might mean fully surrendering to his keyholder and doing things to make me her happy, more or less worshiping her like a goddess. Worship is a supreme romantic surrender and opportunity to display humility and devotion.

The surrendering control part is what does it for me. How about you? What is the draw of male chastity for you?

submission

The paradox of enforced male chastity

By Chaste on Friday, December 20, 2019

I’ve been contemplating something for a while now, and I’m just going to throw it out there. There seems a paradox at the heart of enforced male chastity regarding the submissive aspect of it.

It all starts with a powerful sexual fantasy inside a guy’s head, to surrender ownership of his penis to another, having it locked up in a chastity device under the complete control of a key holder. He wants to renounce his own desires and impulses for sexual release and submit completely to the key holder. He wants to please his key holder above all other things.

Never unlock me and give me release for my sake, he says. Deny me because you want to. Control my orgasms because you can, but never because you think I like it. I suppose a key holder, at least one who is eager to fulfill the role rather than perhaps a wife, girlfriend, or lover who has been cajoled or persuaded to lock a guy up likes to hear him say this. I’m certain she must like hearing it if she is truly into enforcing male chastity; if she genuinely delights in controlling a man totally, using his penis only for her pleasure, testing his limits of submission, and pushing him beyond them.

In the circumstances I’ve outlined, it seems the two of them fit perfectly together, like two halves of a neatly carpentered dovetail joint. As it is often said, opposite poles attract. As a straight male, I have in mind here a strong, dominant woman. A woman who understands a man in chastity is far more motivated to please her when his natural biological drive for frequent sexual release goes unmet. A woman who frankly wants to be in charge, to have complete control in the relationship. She is not only a key holder but the literal key to turning sexual fantasies into reality. To put it bluntly, it’s completely up to her to make male chastity work.

And yet, if she wants what he wants, then isn’t he getting exactly what he wants. And in pleasing herself, she gives him what he desires most. How then is the key holder controlling him? It might be argued that he is controlling her, only giving her the illusion that she is the one in control. When all along, she is giving him exactly what he wants.

Would he not be more truly submissive if she offered him only the kind of chastity from which he could derive no pleasure? If she gave him nothing but instead despised him, ignored him, locked him up and then abandoned him? If he still wanted only to be locked for her in chastity and obey her, would that not be true submission?

Whereas he knows full well he will receive from her only that which delights him: locking him in the chastity device which serves as a constant reminder that she owns his penis, the denial which provokes the fullness in his balls that makes him crave release. The intense teasing aimed at driving him wild with need and sexual desire, the edging without ever crossing the finish line, the threats of punishment if he dares to touch himself for self-pleasure without her permission, the acts aimed at emasculating him. All these things, all this cruelty, he craves.

The key holder is both free to do with him as she pleases within the confines of the limits they have negotiated and yet reliant on his consent. He voluntarily agrees to give up his freedom of choice. No doubt when he is aroused, both mentally and physically, the key holder does hold genuine control over him. She can make him do things he might not ordinarily do, endure things he may have thought unbearable, want things he never imagined. This control is real, it’s not something he pretends to give her. When he is in the throes of arousal, it may seem as if her control is limitless. But reality ultimately intrudes, the ebb and sway of power and control will shift again.

His submission is real enough in the heat of the moment. For him, there’s a wonderful freedom in renouncing control, in being taken out of himself. And for her, a heady sense of power in assuming this total control.

The conventional view is that in the relationship between the locked up male and key holder, the male renounces control. It is the key holder who prevails, whose word is law. That’s the theory. However, in practice, it is a bit more complicated than that. The transfer of power from the male in chastity to the key holder is freely given. It’s a consensual transaction. We aren’t talking about something based on force as exists in the outside world, where the strong exploit the weak. It’s a voluntary exchange of power.

But, if consent is freely given, how can it be the key holder is in control? Is not the one who grants or withholds consent actually in control? And yet, the appeal of this relationship for the male who craves enforced chastity is that he has ceded control to another. That’s where the excitement comes from, for him. That is why locking his own penis in a chastity device and observing a self-imposed period of abstinence will never suffice. He needs a key holder with the right to order him to do things, even things he doesn’t want to do. He needs to feel he has renounced his right to say no. If it is not so, then it all becomes a rather pointless exercise. He has to feel her power over him is real, not merely a convention.

Given the paradox, some might say, if this is all true, then surely enforced male chastity is only a game. My reply would be it is indeed a game, with strict rules. If you don’t play a game by the rules, what’s the point in playing at all? And it’s a very serious game, as all games worth playing are. Perhaps we can say it’s like the state of mind you adopt when reading a novel. You know at the outset the story isn’t true. Yet while you read you allow yourself to believe that it is, otherwise the story couldn’t hold you in its spell. Literary people call this “the willing suspension of belief.” I think enforced male chastity may be similar.

He knows he could stop her and demand his release if he wished to, but he wants it all to be real. He is willing to suspend belief. He needs a good key holder for it all to work—a figure of authority who provides necessary guidance and discipline, and even punishment if it is deserved. He needs to trust her, to view her as the one person who will not let him down. He craves her approval, dreads her displeasure, and constantly strives not to disappoint her. But, in all of that, is there true submission?

Here is something I use to think. I believed that a man who desired to submit to enforced chastity wanted nothing but to please his key holder. I believed altruism, and the submission inherent in the arrangement went hand in hand. But now I tend to think that’s a superficial view. In fact, it now seems to me that a man who desires to submit to enforced chastity is really seeking to have his own needs indulged. The submissive aspect to it then is not about self-abnegation. It’s quite the opposite. It’s about self-fulfillment. You concede control, but only so that the key holder will take full advantage of it.

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