5 Things I Already Love About My New Keyholder

By Chaste on Wednesday, November 22, 2023

Is Amanda the way a permanently satisfying keyholder relationship lies? I’m beginning to think so after discovering 5 things I already love about my new keyholder.

I’ve only just met Amanda and we don’t begin until December 1, but I’ve already learned a handful of things about her that cause my hopes to soar that I’m headed for a permanently satisfying keyholder relationship.

Finding an ideal remote keyholder often feels like you’re on a quest for the holy grail. And all too often, just when you think you’ve found it, something dashes your hopes. That happened with Lucie. She suited me perfectly, yet after too brief a time, Lucie had to step away from keyholding to attend some pressing personal matters in her real world life. What I had hoped would become a permanent arrangement, failed to materialize.

My first attempt at finding a new keyholder hasn’t worked out the way I had hoped. The chemistry just hasn’t developed. Since it has become increasingly difficult to find potential online keyholders the way I’ve done it in the past, I turned to the Chaster app. And then I met Amanda.

After a couple of chats, things already looked positive. But with 9 days left to go with NNN and my liaison with Michele, to my surprise Amanda isn’t just sitting back waiting for December 1. She has stayed engaged with me and we’ve chatted every day since we met. Amanda continues probing me for more information, not only about the things I like, but why I like them, and how they make me feel. And in the process, I’ve discovered five things that I already love about my new keyholder.

Amanda Really, Really Loves Chastity

Yesterday, Amanda gushed about how much she loves having full control over a man’s penis and his “primal” urges for sexual pleasure and why. Having complete dominion over a man’s erections and orgasms. In fact, she warned me if we continue together after the 7-day trial we’ve agreed to, I should prepare myself for permanent chastity. Here is why I feel this is so important.

There are lots of different views about male chastity from the perspective of dominant women. As I’ve seen in many Fetlife community discussions, it seems most dominant women are completely indifferent about if not outright hostile to the idea of male chastity involving the wearing of chastity devices. While some tolerate or fully embrace the idea of keeping their man locked up, many others absolutely despise the idea of their man wearing a chastity device.

While the latter, as femdoms almost universally do, insist on orgasm control and controlling their man’s access to sexual pleasure, they insist a man should be fully capable of controlling himself and doesn’t need a piece of metal or plastic locked on his genitals to do it. He only needs to obey his dominant. And, they add, no chastity device is foolproof and totally effective in preventing a man from having an orgasm. Many of these women see chastity devices simply as toys catering to yet another silly male penis-centric fetish interest and want nothing to do with it.

Even among some of the pro keyholders I’ve had, I quickly realized they felt no genuine interest in chastity and only offered keyholding because there are men willing to give them financial tributes for doing it. None of those experiences felt very enjoyable. So, it is important to me to have a keyholder who is as serious and passionate about chastity as I am, and Amanda definitely ticks that box.

Amanda Seeks a Permanent Relationship

The second thing I love about Amanda is she has told me from the start that she wants another full-time submissive man. She offers temporary chastity locks on the Chaster app, but she offers the week of consideration we’ve agreed to only to someone seriously seeking a full-time Domme. And that is exactly what I’m looking for, a permanent arrangement, so I can put the days of looking for another keyholder every few months behind me. I found a lot of benefits from self-locking in the past, but after my experiences with Lucie, I know I now want chastity controlled by a dominant woman. I really can’t imagine going back to self-locking anymore.

Amanda is an Actual Domme

Like Lucie, Amanda is an actual Domme with IRL experience in her local kink community. And again, from experience, I know women like Amanda offer a more comprehensive and meaningful dynamic than those women who only offer online chastity keyholding services and have little interest or experience with the wider world of kink. There is greater variety in the dynamic with an actual Domme who has done more than just online keyholding. That’s because they seek not only to enforce someone’s chastity, but want to explore their own kinks, desires, and needs with a submissive partner. That only makes chastity more meaningful for me because I want it to be focused on the keyholder.

Chastity, with a keyholder for me, has never been something where my greatest interest was only getting my own kinks satisfied. I don’t see a Domme as a kink dispenser. I have far more respect for dominant women than that. It is vitally important to me that my keyholder also gets her desires and needs satisfied and not just through financial tributes. I believe already that Amanda will offer that opportunity.

Amanda Is a Generous and Caring Person

Even with knowing her only a short while, Amanda has already shown to my satisfaction she is a generous and caring person. I have already remitted the small tribute she required for the 7-day consideration lock and I wouldn’t have faulted her at all had she chosen not to engage with me until December 1 once we closed the deal. She already had a list of my kink interests, limits, and toys to use for designing the tasks she will give me to do. But she didn’t do that.

Aware of how little I paid for the 7-days, I felt no entitlement to her attention until we start on December 1. But Amanda has started conversations with me every day, generously giving me her time and attention out of her interest in getting to know me better. Her interest in me as a person has been so clear. She reminds me quite a lot of Lucie in how generous and caring a woman she is. And that impresses me so much.

We Share Many Common Kink Interests

I’ve learned during the past week that Amanda and I share many other common kink interests besides just chastity. No, we don’t match perfectly. No two unique people ever do. As one example, I think Amanda enjoys enforced feminization a great deal more than I do. I’m fine with it in moderation, the way Lucie used it for the mild humiliation effects it has on me. Feminization just holds no appeal for me since I’m not a sissy-type submissive man and I’m not into CD. Nothing wrong with any of that, but I don’t find behaving or dressing as a woman arousing in the least. But Amanda has already gained my trust that she will respect my limits and will compromise even on things she finds interesting and fun to explore. And, based on our conversations, I feel we have enough common interests that neither of us will feel bored or short-changed.

Honestly, meeting Amanda has made NNN more difficult because I’m so excited for December 1 to arrive that I can’t wait for NOvember to end. Maybe I haven’t met Lucie’s equal, but the more I get to know Amanda, the more I feel convinced I’ve had the good fortune of meeting another special Domme.

pro-domme key holders

Why I Prefer Having a Pro Domme Enforce My Chastity

By Chaste on Sunday, September 3, 2023

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I prefer having a pro domme enforce my chastity during those times I’ve wanted a keyholder. Mostly that is because of two reasons.

I am not in a relationship with anyone and haven’t been for several years now. I don’t have a wife or girlfriend who might enforce my chastity, though I’ve always believed that is probably the very best way to do chastity. The reason I’m not in a relationship and not looking to get into one is the other explanation for my pro domme as a keyholder preference.

Several years ago, I went through a very painful break up with a woman I had expected to spend the rest of my life with, and I’ve never fully recovered from it. I had two relationships with wonderful women after that one ended, but that’s when I realized relationships would never work for me again because I had loved that one woman so completely and so deeply that I simply had nothing left to give to another. Getting involved with another woman would never be fair to either of us, because any new relationship would ultimately fail.

That also explains why I’ve never considered seeking what many term a lifestyle domme as a keyholder, a dominant woman who might enforce my chastity as part of the power exchange and exert other forms of control, all with no expectation of payment. I have great respect for the lifestyle dommes I know, a few of whom I count as friends. But a relationship with a non-pro domme means you must deal with the dominant woman as the whole woman.

Many of the same challenges you face in vanilla dating and relationships are in play with a lifestyle domme. And that is exactly what I don’t want and firmly believe I won’t ever want. Satisfying romantic relationships is part of my past, not part of my future. Yes, it sometimes makes me feel sad to think about that, but as a realist, I can’t question the truth of my convictions.

A pro domme, in comparison, is not looking for a relationship or even any sexual interaction. Not to say that she won’t require you to perform sexual acts that she might also find arousing to have you do, or that real intimacy can’t naturally develop between the two of you. But she will never be your girlfriend.

A pro domme may be as keen about chastity enforcement and teasing and denial as you, but she is providing professional services and is in the business of creating and delivering immersive fantasies. She will connect with you in much the same way as a personal trainer, therapist, or life coach, providing her services for a fee (tribute).

I’ve discovered that many people know very little about pro dommes, what they do and don’t do, and what submitting to a pro domme is actually like. What has surprised me the most is how little lifestyle dommes know about all that.

Some assumptions about pro dommes I’ve seen lifestyle dommes post on blogs and other places were shockingly false. One example I’ve read was, “Pro dommes are the closest you can get to a porn-on-demand experience.” This woman, as many others do, believe pro dommes are “kink dispensers” that give you exactly what you want because you’re paying them. Having engaged a half-dozen pro-dommes, one of whom is internationally known and respected, I can tell you they are not kink dispensers.

I’ve never had a pro domme ask me, “So, what do you want me to do to you?” Yes, they want to know what you’re into because they aren’t mind readers. But they only want to know what your kinks are in broad terms and what your limits are. Like, “I’m into chastity, teasing and denial, impact play, and anal play. My limits are public humiliation, feminization, and cross-dressing.” They don’t care about and don’t want to hear about what you specifically want them to do to you.

Try telling a pro domme, “I want you to lock my cock in a chastity device for a week, then unlock me, and then give me jack off instructions while you watch me masturbate, and then…” You won’t even get that far before they shut you down.

Sure, you can probably find a cam girl on Only Fans who will do all that stuff for you for the right price, but submitting to pro dommes doesn’t work that way. They will take your kink interests and decide where yours overlap with theirs and then, while respecting your limits, will deliver an experience that addresses those shared interests in whatever way that pleases them. Just because you’re tributing them doesn’t mean you get to be in charge. It also doesn’t mean they don’t expect to get pleased or get their desires met too. That’s what dominance and submission are about. It’s an exchange.

Tributes are a funny thing to me. I have no trouble at all tributing a pro domme. A tribute shows respect for a pro domme’s expertise, time, and attention, all of which she could devote to someone else if she wasn’t giving it to you.

A financial tribute to a pro domme is not like paying a prostitute for sex. It isn’t like paying a woman to date you. A pro domme will not have sex with you because she isn’t a prostitute and she won’t be your girlfriend. They are not “findoms.” Yet I see guys all the time on forums advertising for a keyholder who always adds, “Not looking for pay-to-play.” Yeah, good luck with that.

If you want a domme, don’t want to tribute a pro domme, and expect free keyholding, then stop wasting your time posting personal ads on chastity forums. Find out where your local kink community hangs out, get plugged in, and start meeting some dominant women and you might get lucky by finding a lifestyle domme who is interested in you. Or else find someone who isn’t necessarily dominant but willing to date and explore chastity with you. Most women, even vanilla women, can be great keyholders as long as they want to be keyholders.

I’ve had some uniformly wonderful experiences with the pro dommes I’ve engaged with. For the past four months, I’ve submitted to the best pro domme I’ve ever played with, Lucie.

I am still enough of a romantic in the sense I don’t want to submit to just any random domme. I want that connection to one person. And I want that connection with Lucie after learning how well I respond to her relentless willingness to bend me to her will. She doesn’t indulge my kinks. Lucie uses them to taunt me with her power. She enslaves me with her body and her desires so that all I think about is the best way to please her. Even when offering what pleasures she permits me, she is only reminding me how completely she controls me. I want the relationship with Lucie to last.

Lucie has already helped me discover so much about the parts of my sexuality that exist outside what I’ve fantasized about, and she has unlocked the submissive part of my nature in ways I didn’t realize were possible. The vulnerability of being submissive is ultimately part of being a half of a whole. And in the power exchange dynamic of D/s, Lucie, for me, has become the other half.

My pleasures, like my kinks, belong to her. They are the tools of her control. “My pleasure doesn’t matter” has become my mantra. I never expected submitting to Lucie to impact me this much, to feel so bonded with her, so in the beginning, it felt bewildering to feel that things were far more real than I had expected. But she has transformed me into her perfect, driven, obedient boy.

Every opportunity to serve, to sacrifice, to suffer for her feels like something relevant has passed between us. Each whimper and groan from my heightened physical arousal produced by her vivid sexual creativity makes me feel gooey inside. “Good boy” still provokes those same shudders of desire as when I first discovered those words were in Lucie’s hand, a leash on my soul.

Those are the reasons why I prefer having a pro domme enforce my chastity. Or, to put a finer point on it, why I prefer having Lucie enforce my chastity. She has left an indelible mark on my soul.

pro-domme key holders professional keyholding

OXY Shop Monthly Keyholder Service Try Out

By Chaste on Wednesday, May 4, 2022

My one-month Oxy Shop monthly Keyholder service try out has begun...

Did you think I forgot my promise to try out the Oxy Shop Monthly Keyholder Service? Well, if anyone did, I can’t blame you. I purchased one month of the service back in February and had planned to start the trial on March 1. But stuff got in the way. First, I had several chastity devices to wear-test and review. Then, my annual check-up with my doctor came in April. She is a super nice, insanely attractive woman who I like very much and wouldn’t dream of springing the surprise of my male chastity lifestyle on unannounced when it comes time to drop your pants, turn your head, and cough. So, I always unlock for the hour or so I spend at her office. Then I procrastinated a few more days after that, and finally, I emailed the Oxy Shop on May 2 and told them I was ready to start.

Impressive Customer Service from Oxy Shop

I’m trying this remote keyholder partly to satisfy my curiosity about how well it works but also as a service to readers who don’t have a keyholder and might be interested in a month-to-month remote service. Once I complete the month, I’ll post a full review of the service with my honest opinions. But I’ll provide updates as the month progresses when I feel it’s warranted.

Things got off to a great start with my future review in mind when I received a quick response to my emailed request to begin. I emailed Oxy Shop in the late evening on May 2 and received an email from the supervising Mistress on the morning of May 3. I always appreciate good customer service.

How the Oxy Shop Monthly Keyholder Service Begins

In the past, when I’ve used remote keyholder services provided by Pro-Dommes, I’ve always used the plastic numbered locks and sent “proof of lock” images. Some require you to hold up a newspaper to verify the date in the photo. Then, they make unannounced checks by requiring you to send another proof of lock photo from time to time to keep you honest. The Oxy Shop service uses a slightly different system which I’ll explain later.

Frankly, I’m not too fond of the numbered plastic locks. Most of my stainless devices tend to rotate excessively when not secured with the lock provided with them by the manufacturer. And you can’t use them with most devices that use a MagicLock. Something that impressed me immediately about the Oxy Shop service is they give you a free stainless steel key safe and a supply of numbered plastic tags when you sign up for your first month. You insert your key into the safe and secure that with the plastic numbered lock, which leaves you free to use your usual lock on the chastity device.

Now, back to the system, the Oxy Shop Mistress uses for lock verification purposes. In the email I received from the Mistress, she required several things as proof of lock.

The expected image with the chastity device locked on. And she required I write a phrase on a sheet of paper and hold it up while taking the photo. Also, I had to hold up the key safe in the photo, showing the key inside was secured with a plastic numbered lock.
The Mistress also required me to send a video of me locking up. This is the first time I’ve ever had a pro keyholder who required that.

So, the keyholder at Oxy Shop requires a little more at the start than the other professionals I’ve used, but I didn’t find the requirements unreasonable. The only problem was I rarely make videos. While I know how to shoot videos with my iPhone, they are very large files, usually too large to attach to an email. And my simple one-minute video was far too large. So, I had to quickly learn about video compression and source an app to do it with. But, again, I didn’t find it particularly burdensome to make the video and then compress the file so I could attach it to an email reply. But wait, the periodic checks aimed at keeping you from cheating are also different from anything any Pro-Domme has ever required me to do before.

The Periodic Checks

Daily I must submit proof of lock photos while holding up a sheet of paper I’ve written other required phrases on (different each day) along with the key safe to show I haven’t tampered with the plastic numbered lock. And, every other day, I have to submit another video showing I’m still locked securely and that I haven’t tampered with the plastic numbered lock. Okay, it’s not particularly onerous, but that’s a lot of verification. During my thirty days of enforced chastity in February, my Mistress only required one image per week, proving I was still locked securely. And she required no videos.

So, if you consider using the Oxy Shop Monthly Keyholder Service, know that they are serious about preventing any cheating.
They also want control of both keys. But I found only one key fits inside the key safe they supplied. The instruction email from the Mistress said to secure both keys in the safe. So, I broke my spare key in half to render it unusable and included that in the video and the photo and hope that meets the requirement. It should since now the only key I have that opens the lock is secured inside the key safe with a numbered plastic lock.

The Mistress also explained in the instruction email that she “may ask” me for additional evidence I’m still securely locked at any time to prevent cheating. So, yes, they are serious. But I’m okay with all of it since it only serves to make the experience more interesting and I never cheat when locked for a Mistress, anyway.

More Fun Stuff

In addition to the keyholding, the Mistress ended the email by promising “a few” tasks during the month to keep things interesting. I’m curious to see what’s in store and how many teasing tasks she provides. I was under the impression the keyholder only offered one teasing task per month, but “a few” obviously means more than one.

I know I’ve been a little vague on a few points, which was intentional. I don’t feel it’s ethical to share any of the Oxy Shop or the keyholder’s proprietary information related to the keyholder service even when I write the full review. And I know from past experience with Pro-Dommes, that they don’t want you sharing specifics about how they do their business. That’s understandable because they don’t want Betty Lou setting up a pro keyholder service, copying their specific system, and maybe charging less for it. So I intend to respect the rights of Oxy Shop and the Mistress to their proprietary work product by painting with a broad brush rather than publishing detailed instructions I receive. But I will give readers enough broad information to make an informed decision about the service’s usefulness and whether I think it’s worth the cost.

If getting a professional remote keyholder at a very reasonable price is something that interests you, stay tuned for future updates and expect a full review of the Oxy Shop Monthly Keyholder Service the first week of June.

pro-domme key holders

Guide To Finding A Professional Chastity Keyholder

By Chaste on Monday, June 8, 2020

This post, a guide to finding a professional chastity keyholder, is meant for guys who aren’t in a relationship and who want an actual keyholder. Sometimes single chaste men are between relationships, and just don’t have a friend they feel comfortable asking to hold their keys. When DIY chastity gets too hard, maybe it’s time to find some professional help.

Keyholding services within the Femdom community are offered by professional dominatrices, pro-dommes, lifestyle mistresses, and others. The number of women providing keyholding services seems to be soaring right on pace with the growing interest among males to wear chastity devices.

As a guy who has used online prop chastity keyholders, I’ll offer here some advice and tips I learned from trial and error. After reading this post, you should be able to find the right pro for you, even if it’s your first time.

What Are Pro Keyholding Services?

Professional keyholding services are literally that. Someone holds the keys to a chastity device for a fee. Usually, it’s a dominant woman experienced in male chastity who holds the keys to a guy’s chastity device, without necessarily having any other sort of relationship with him.

The length of time the keys are held can vary. Depending on the specific set-up of your keyholding service, the duration may be pre-arranged, or it can be open-ended. In that case, it’s up to the discretion of the keyholder, unless you request an early release and she permits it, of course.

How Much Does Pro Keyholding Cost?

As with most other for-fee services, the costs for pro keyholding vary widely. Since each keyholder sets her prices, there doesn’t seem to be any set going rate for these services. Each keyholder sets the price she feels her keyholding service is worth, and that’s the price you’ll need to pay. Some keyholders have a set price across the board. Others tailor their prices according to the person, and the particulars of the services provided. Often a keyholder sets her prices based on her popularity within chastity circles and her level of expertise.

Expect to pay more for services from a keyholder who has no difficulty acquiring clients or keeping the number of clients she wants, and those who have a lot of chastity experience.

Also, the specific type of keyholder makes a difference. As a rule, expect to pay a professional dominatrix more than a pro-domme and a pro-domme more than a lifestyle mistress. That has to do both mostly with the breadth of services some keyholders offer in comparison to others.

Price Comparisons

You can find professionals who will simply be your keyholder if that’s what you want. There won’t be any frills or extras with such an arrangement. They will lock you and then hold the keys for the agreed upon duration. Others also offer additional services like periodic check-ins to make sure you’ve remained locked and tease and denial services.

For basic online keyholding services, I’ve seen prices that range from $35 per week for a lifestyle mistress to $300 per week for a professional dominatrix. Dominatrices and some pro-dommes tend to be full-time sex workers who make their livings from indulging the kinks and sexual fantasies of their clients. They are often highly skilled and experienced. Many of them have formalized training. It’s only to be expected that their services command the highest prices.

Recently, I looked at the website of a pro-domme who offers keyholding services. Her fees for someone looking only for their chastity device keys to be held is $60 per week. If a person requests tease and denial throughout the keyholding, the price increases to between $125 and $200 per week. She explains the added costs are because of photographs she must take and send, the teasing emails she must carefully draft, and the other forms of teasing she adds to create a “tortuous” chastity experience clients will enjoy.

Personally, I have paid between $20 and $50 per week for online keyholding services that included keyholding and some form of teasing and denial. I’ve only used lifestyle mistresses, women for whom keyholding is only a side gig, not a full-time job. That has been a conscious choice. I consider the amounts I’ve paid reasonable and the services I’ve received well worth the investment. Maybe I’m cheap, but I can’t imagine paying $200-$300 a week to satisfy my chastity kink, especially when I’m only interested in online services.

Available Services

As with prices, some professional keyholders offer a standard service across the board, whereas others will tailor their services in a la carte fashion according to the wishes of the client. There is a set rate for the basic keyholding, and then you pay extra for any additional services you select from a menu of options.

Here is a list of additional services you can expect to find to go along with keyholding.

Keyholder supervised lock up via an audio-video platform like Skype.
Teasing via an audio-video platform.
Teasing by email or text.
Teasing by phone (usually via a platform like Nite Flirt with per-minute charges).
Teasing erotic photos taken and sent by the keyholder.
Small penis humiliation (SPH) via an audio-video platform, webcam, or submitted images.
Periodic surprise lock up verification checks where you must submit a proof photo with a specified time.
Weekly lock up verification checks by photo submission.
Locks (you pay for) provided by the keyholder and sent by mail to which she retains all the keys.
“Property of” tags (you pay for) with the name of the keyholder inscribed on them, which you can attach to your chastity device.

Most of the services on the list are purchased a la carte and paid for in addition to the basic keyholding service. However, I’ve seen a few professional dominatrices who insist on supervising lock up via an audio-video platform or webcam.

Chastity services provided via Skype or similar audio-video platforms are the most expensive as time must usually be purchased in hourly blocks. You pay essentially the same hourly rates that a professional charges local clients for face-to-face services delivered at her dungeon or some other private setting.

A Word About Professional Keyholders

Whether or not a pro keyholder identifies as a sex worker, you can be certain of one thing. These ladies are not prostitutes. They will not have sex with you in person and will not have cybersex with you online. They may require you to perform sexual acts like edging to accomplish teasing, but they won’t perform sexual acts for you. It’s always a dominant-submissive dynamic, and they are the dominants. They command, and you obey.

Before You Contact A Pro

A professional domme with years of experience I’m acquainted with offers these common-sense suggestions to guys looking for their first pro keyholder.

Before reaching out to a pro, know what it is you want. Do you want someone to simply hold your keys? For some guys, this is all they need, a keyholder to enforce their chastity, so they don’t have to depend on willpower alone. Other guys want teasing to go with the denial. Still, others want to be subjected to periodic surprise inspections to verify they are still locked. The reason it’s so important to know what you want is that’s the only way to judge compatibility with a prospective pro. Does she offer the services you want in the way you want them delivered and at a price you’re willing to pay?

Once you know what services you want, it’s time to start looking at some potential professionals. The easiest way to find them is the Internet. You can just Google “chastity keyholders” and get a lot of links to the websites of professional keyholders. Also, there are various Mistress directory websites online you can consult. You can even find keyholders on social media. Searching the hashtag #keyholder will lead you to some possibilities. Though in my experience, most professional keyholders don’t prefer you to make initial contact with them on social media. Most have websites and have a specific form they expect prospective clients to fill out. That lets them decide whether they feel a client is a good fit before discussing particular services and fees.

My pro acquaintance recommends that you only consider professionals who have a website. That’s an indication of legitimacy. She warns so-called “dommes” are a dime a dozen on social media, and BDSM websites and kinky dating apps are overflowing with fakes who try to shill you out of money.

When you start looking at websites, read them thoroughly. Read as much as possible before corresponding with the keyholder. Her website is there for a reason—to give the viewer an understanding of what she offers. You can get an idea of who she is by how she presents herself online. Does she sound like she knows what she’s talking about? Once you’ve read over the website of someone who interests you, then you can check out her social media presence where she interacts with other professionals. Seeing how she talks shop with other professionals on social media can provide you with an invaluable insight into her perspective on chastity, and give you an idea of her personality.

Remember, the information on a professional keyholder’s website is there for a reason. If you don’t read it, the mistress will have to answer questions, and repeat the details she has already provided on her website. Mistresses find that annoying. You don’t want to be annoying, do you? Being annoying can mean getting rejected. These ladies are always plagued by “time wasters,” guys who want their attention, but who will never pay for services. Failure to do your due diligence might be interpreted by a potential pro to mean that you fall into the time waster category. Then they will ignore you.

First Contact

Once you’ve looked at websites and narrowed it down to one or two (or maybe three) potential keyholders, it’s time to make the first contact. Usually, you will find a contact form on the websites. Fill it out clearly, succinctly, and with as much detail as you can about exactly what you’re looking for. Short one-sentence messages show zero effort. If you put zero effort into the first contact, the pro will also probably put zero effort into a response. Thought and consideration make applicants stand out. You want to stand out because many of these ladies can afford to be particular about who they accept as clients and are. Treat it like a job application. Try to impress. Be on your best behavior. Be courteous, polite, and give as much info on yourself and desires as reasonably possible. Do tell them how much experience you have with wearing chastity devices if applicable. Then wait for a reply. In my experience, professionals reply to inquires promptly, usually within a day or two at most.

Next Step

Once a pro responds to your initial contact, if they are interested, it will spark a discussion, usually in the form of a few email exchanges. Some will ask for more information. If she asks specific questions out of you, answer them. It’s a very straightforward process. Chances are she has done this thousands of times already and knows exactly what she needs to ask and what information she needs to have. Answer the questions truthfully. Don’t omit information because you feel embarrassed about something. If you’re embarrassed about your needs and desires, I guarantee that they will never be met and fulfilled.

Pro keyholders may ask you to list your “limits.” Most of them will. If you’re not familiar with limits, it is simply things you are unwilling to do with regard to your chastity experience. For example, you won’t provide images of you wearing a chastity device that shows your face. Or, you won’t engage in Skype calls or appear on a webcam.

Limits is a term used by “play partners” in BDSM and other power exchange relationships. Since the relationship between a chastity device wearer and his keyholder is a power exchange relationship, limits are a necessary part of chastity agreements. Limits can cover a lot of things. You may want to review a play partner play list like the one on this website. Consider any of the activities that might be used in tease and denial with an eye for things you would or wouldn’t be willing to do.

Agreement Or Contract

Once the professional has a firm idea of what you want and you a good idea of what services she can or will provide, it’s decision time. If you feel you have found a keyholder who will be a good fit for you, she will send you a written agreement or contract to sign that contains the details of what you both have agreed to. As a minimum, the agreement will include—duration of the agreement, services the keyholder will provide, keyholder’s rules or expectations, “proof of lock” procedure, cancellation rights and process, fees, and how you will pay the keyholder.

Fixed Duration Or Open-Ended

Most professionals offer either fixed duration keyholding or open-ended keyholding. Fixed duration means a specific length of time—two weeks, one month, two months, etc. Open-ended means keyholding service agreements with no specified end date. The agreement continues as long as you pay the required fees.

Based on my experience, I recommend going with a fixed duration agreement first. Ideally, two-weeks if the professional you’re considering offers that. One month would be the next option, which is usually available. This gives you and the keyholder the chance to see how well you work together. After that “trial” period you can decide whether you want to transition to an open-ended agreement.

The thing about open-ended contracts is they often include a “penalty” fee, an amount you are expected to pay the keyholder if you decide to terminate the keyholding service. Will the keyholder turn you over to a collection agency or sue if you don’t pay the cancellation fee? No, chastity keyholding agreements aren’t enforceable in the courts. But, if you stiff a professional keyholder, expect her to tell other professionals about you. They talk with each other. You will find it difficult, if not impossible, to get another professional to take you on. If you object to paying cancellation fees, don’t agree to them at the start.

How Pros Enforce Chastity

Except for keyholders who use Skype or webcams, the most common “proof of locked” procedure is the chastity device wearer sends a photo to the keyholder showing the device locked in place. Some keyholders will require that a newspaper or something else showing the current date be included in the image. Also, some keyholders will sell you a lock and mail it to you, and they will keep the keys.

Because other chastity device locking options are rapidly replacing the padlock, like integrated “magic” locks and security screws, professional keyholders have other “proof of locked” procedure options. As an example, with my first pro keyholder, I purchased a small, inexpensive safe designed for connection to WiFi. Once I transferred the control over the safe to my keyholder, only she could open it via a remote control app on her smartphone. I had to send her a video of me locking my keys in the safe. Then only she could open the safe to give me access to them. There are lots of other procedures in use that deny the device wearer access to the keys.

Numbered plastic locks are also popular options. You lock your device with one and then take and send a photo clearly showing the number on the lock. The lock can only be removed by cutting it off. That makes it obvious the wearer has removed the device if he does so without the permission of the keyholder.

There are still a few keyholders who will allow you to physically mail your keys to them. But, this is becoming rare. For obvious reasons, keyholders are not going to give clients their home address. To accept physical keys, they must maintain a commercial mailbox, which is another expense.

Regardless of the procedure, your keyholder will explain what her requirements are.

Wrap Up

Long-distance keyholding is not foolproof. You can probably find a way to cheat if you wish to do so. But if you lie about being locked in chastity, when you aren’t, you only rob yourself of a real experience. Also, if a keyholder catches you cheating, she will kick you to the curb. And, yes, you’re name will get out there in the professional keyholder community, and you won’t be welcomed by another professional.

Some keyholders have specific qualifications for clients. Some won’t accept clients under a particular age, like twenty-one. I know of one who only takes clients who are age thirty and over. Some won’t accept clients who are married or in a committed relationship.

Lastly, some keyholders require regular communication, especially with clients who are new to wearing chastity devices. They should explain those requirements to you in detail before you sign an agreement.

Hopefully, after reading this post, you now feel confident that you can contact a professional keyholder and negotiate a keyholding agreement that suits your needs. Sure, I suppose if we had the choice, none of us would wish to pay for keyholding. But, professional keyholders provide a valuable service. Without them, a lot of guys would have only the option to self-lock. I’ve had great experiences with those I’ve used.

pro-domme key holders

Chastity with a long-distance key holder

By Chaste on Saturday, January 4, 2020

If you’re unaware, I am utilizing the key holding services of a woman who lives quite a long distance from me. LJ is a pro-domme who specializes in providing chastity services.

Since I didn’t know anyone locally to act as my key holder when I settled on the idea of exploring male chastity, a key holding service was the only realistic option. I didn’t feel I’d find self-imposed chastity to be particularly compelling. I’ve seen a few other key holding services options on the webs, but they seem far too impersonal. I didn’t find those options any more attractive than going it solo.

I learned of LJ from someone I’d become familiar with in the male chastity scene who recommended her highly. After contacting LJ, she agreed to take me on board for the thirty-day trial we’re now engaged in. If at the end of the thirty days, if we seem a good fit and both agree, there is the option to extend the arrangement indefinitely.

Frankly, I’ve been very pleased with the experience so far. I think it fair to say my expectations have been far and away exceeded on nearly every level. For example, I didn’t expect LJ to be so personable and genuinely concerned about my health and welfare. After all, she provides the same service to lots of other men. I supposed she likely looked at it mostly as a job, and that I’d be just another guy on an assembly line of guys who wanted a woman to lock their dicks in a cage. It hasn’t been that way at all.

In fact, at times, I never even think about the other guys. LJ is great at making you feel you’re the only guy she holds a key for. She has also been far more generous with her time than I ever expected. She has a way about her that makes you feel you’re special to her, even though realistically you probably aren’t. So, it has been all good.

As time has passed, I’ve started to develop a genuine liking for LJ and even an emotional attachment for her after a fashion. No, I’m not developing a romantic crush on her, as I’m well aware of the dynamics and limitations of this partnership we now share. But, I think it fair to say I’m starting to think of LJ as a friend. At least as much as it is possible to form a friendship with someone you only know on the webs.

I’m happy with the circumstances as they are, for the most part. The cost is nominal in my estimation, and the fact is I feel I get far more from the arrangement than I’m paying for the services. That’s not to say there aren’t some real limitations involved in chastity with a long-distance key holder. There are, but maybe not what you might think if you’ve never had an arrangement with a pro-domme.

Ease of cheating

The opportunity to cheat, to have illicit orgasms, is likely the most obvious shortcoming most people would think of when it comes to long-distance chastity enforcement. I’ve read on the webs many accounts by guys about how easily they can remove their ball trapping cages without unlocking them while soaped up in the shower. I suppose it is very possible to do that. In fact I can see how it is easy with certain cages.

Looking at my cage, I can imagine I might be able with enough lubrication to withdraw my penis. But, I’d never try to do it. First, because the fear of not being able to get it back in properly is too great. LJ uses plastic numbered locks as a measure to prevent cheating. If I withdrew my cock to play with it and couldn’t get it back into the cage, I’d be forced to cut the lock. Then I’d have to devise a lie to explain to LJ how I had to remove the cage due to some fictional emergency to conceal what I had done. I’m not going to lie to her. And, I’m resolved not to cheat. A few moments of pleasure is not worth sacrificing my integrity. Of course, it isn’t necessary to remove the cage or pull out of it to cheat.

Lacking onsite monitoring, nothing is stopping me from grabbing a Hitachi Magic Wand and going to town. I could treat myself to orgasms as often as I felt the need or wanted one. The lock would remain intact, and LJ would be none the wiser. But, again, I’m not tempted to cheat by any means.

No one tricked or persuaded me to try chastity. It was my idea. I sought LJ out to help me explore it. If I cheated, I’d not only be cheating LJ by not living up to our agreement, I’d be denying myself of the experience I want. So, there is no real motivation to cheat. I want to learn what chastity is really like. Actually, the plastic locks aren’t even necessary in my case. Even with the cage padlocked and an emergency key in my possession, I certain I’d never unlock to cheat.

Yes, it is possible to cheat when doing chastity with long-distance enforcement. But, even if LJ and I lived together, she wouldn’t be able to monitor me 24/7. If I wanted to cheat, I could find the opportunity to do it. For those reasons, I don’t consider the ease of cheating a real limitation of long-distance key holding.

Lack of physical contact

The inability to physically pleasure your key holder; whether it be doing domestic chores, giving her massages, or servicing her sexual needs is a real negative to having a long-distance key holder. None of that is available. In a real sense I feel slogging through the attendant sexual frustration of denial would be a lot easier if I was able to at least find some pleasure in giving pleasure to LJ. For that reason alone, I do sometimes wish I had a local partner enforcing my chastity.

I’m trying to substitute for that by thinking of imaginative ways to show LJ my respect, admiration, and appreciation for all she does for me. It has already become very important to me to please her. While doing unexpected nice things for her that I come up with isn’t a perfect substitute, it does feel really good when she notices and lets me know I’ve pleased her with my efforts.

Absence of teasing

LJ never shares her plans for me in advance. So, I can’t say with certainty whether sexual teasing is simply something she has no interest in providing or whether she feels I’m too new at all this to need it as this stage. But for whatever reason, there has been no teasing or sexual play at all thus far. I readily admit that has been a disappointment.

Coming from a background in kink, I’ve always assumed that male chastity was just a sub-genre of D/s orgasm control/denial play. So, I came to chastity fully expecting my key holder would subject me to sexual teasing, maybe even extreme teasing that would leave me a sexually frustrated mess. That was part of what I hoped to explore during this chastity experience. So, it has been a bit disheartening that hasn’t been a part of my experience.

Sure, the denial alone has produced a high level of sexual arousal and frustration. But nothing I’m sure that compares with what I’d feel if subjected to regular sexual teasing. And, it’s perfectly possible to tease someone at a distance. I’ve done it myself online to girls who were into orgasm control when I was active in the kink scene. Something as simple as being told to remove the cage and perform edges would definitely have a huge effect. But, alas, to date LJ hasn’t offered even that.

I’m envious of other guys in chastity I read about whose key holding wife or partner regularly teases them in different ways to make them even hornier and more aware of their sexual denial. So it makes me curious to see whether LJ ever incorporates teasing into this before our final twenty days are up. If not, I’m definitely going to voice my concerns about the lack of teasing with her before agreeing to extend our arrangement. If it turns out teasing simply doesn’t interest her or isn’t part of her philosophy, that might mean we aren’t fundamentally compatible.

Of course, I don’t know how many guys LJ holds the keys for. From some comments she has made, I’d guess there are many. Perhaps even if she was interested in teasing, maybe it could be too time consuming to tease all the guys she has locked. Maybe it is something she reserves only for her long-term boys, or a select few of those. At any rate, it’s been dissatisfying that teasing hasn’t been a part of the experience.

Do you think it selfish of me to want the sexual teasing? Maybe. I’m not sure. But, it seems being sexually teased is an integral part of the chastity fantasy that many guys want realized. When absent, it’s noticeable. In fact, to me in almost feels like being locked and then forgotten. You start to ask yourself why you’re even putting yourself through it.

Strict denial alone isn’t really what I want. I’m not sure I could even deal with that over an extended period of time. I love the uncertainty about when or if I’ll be unlocked and allowed sexual release. But, I need to know that there at least exists a chance it’s going to happen. And, I want the teasing to make the feelings of sexual need even more urgent and profound. That’s what I was looking for when I decided to take this journey.

Certainly, I don’t feel any entitlement to insist LJ provide me with sexual teasing, especially if it simply isn’t something she is interested in offering. I haven’t any right to demand anything from her. Yet I see nothing wrong in desiring it. And, if that isn’t going to be a part of the dynamic with LJ going forward, then that probably means I’ll have to seek out a different key holder I have more compatible interests with.

In conclusion, the lack of physical contact is a limitation in having a long-distance key holder. But, I submit the ease of cheating doesn’t have to be a drawback, and the absence of sexual teasing shouldn’t be. That piece is too easy to incorporate by a key holder willing to provide it. It’s as simple as telling you to unlock and to masturbate until you edge some set number of times, or instructions to look at porn, or read some erotica. It doesn’t even require any dedicated involvement on the part of the key holder, much less the investment of any time beyond a few brief moments to give simple instructions.

Yes, I could look at porn or read erotica on my own. LJ hasn’t prohibited it. But, doing that would seem about the same as self-imposed chastity which is what I already know I don’t want.

Overall, even with the limitations, I’ve had a great experience exploring chastity with a long-distance key holder. If the lack of teasing bit could be resolved, I think it would suit me perfectly. I might not even have an interest in ever looking at another option.

If you consider going the pro-domme route, just make certain you take the time to learn enough about a prospective pro-domme key holder to feel certain she knows what she is doing. In my case, LJ has extensive knowledge and experience with key holding specifically, and male chastity in general. I’ve asked her heaps of questions from all over the show, and she always has the right answers. I was very lucky to connect with someone like her. You likely can find thousands of women on the webs offering long-distance key holding, but I’m confident you won’t find many like LJ. It’s easy to tell pretty quickly that she offers key holding services because she is personally into it, not just to make money off guys desperate to have a hot fantasy made real.