self locking Archives - Cut to the Chaste

As mentioned in the previous post, I engaged a Professional Dominatrix as my key holder for the observance of the longest day (month-long observance of International Male Chastity Day). Four days into it (I started a day early), the experience of having a key holder has reminded me once again of the critical difference between chastity with a key holder and self-locking. It’s the control.

I spent the entire year of 2021 self-locked and had to look back at my notes to see when I last had a key holder. It was June through November 2020. The benefits of wearing a male chastity device are so obvious that I willingly self-lock. That’s also why I recommend practicing solo male chastity to other single guys without hesitation. It’s still fun and meaningful. You still get many of the benefits. But we don’t get one element of chastity when we go it alone. We miss out on one of the most satisfying aspects of chastity, the experience of surrendering control to another person.

Surrendering Control is a Common Male Fantasy

Many men (if not most) fantasize about giving control of their sexual desires over to their wives, girlfriends, or partners. This dynamic, commonly known as power exchange, requires complete trust and open, honest communication. Many men enjoy being more of a passive player when it comes to sex, taking on a sexually submissive role. It runs contrary to the way they experience their lives outside the bedroom. So, they enjoy the idea of a partner locking up their penis, teasing, denying, and deciding when they can orgasm. It’s about feeling like you surrender control.

In the beginning, the novelty and excitement are heady and arousing, but once a little time passes, the frustration builds, and you must dig deep to find your own power and strength of resolve, as the temptation to beg and plead for release ramps up. It took only four days under the firm hand of my Mistress to remind me of all these things and how much I’ve missed it.

The Effects of Control

I’m not at the frustration stage yet, probably because I have acquired so much experience wearing a cock cage. But here is how the control of another person is making itself felt. Right now, I am super horny. That’s my preferred state, although it can be massively distracting. Sure, I get horny sometimes when I’m self-locked. But it never feels this intense.

The other thing I’ve noticed is attempted erections waking me during the night. I adjusted to the nocturnal erections a long while ago, and they rarely wake me anymore. But last night, attempted erections woke me three different times. That isn’t ordinary for me. All my custom cages are designed to fit tight with no extra space, so they all do an excellent job of stifling erection attempts quickly. Also, I woke up this morning with morning wood. Since my Jail Bird offers no extra space for the contents to grow, the boner pushed the base ring and cage a good distance away from my body until it subsided.

These are the things that make me aware of the control. Is this mental or physical? I think maybe a little of both. When you’re self-locked, even when you have no intention of unlocking, it’s always there in the back of your mind that you could unlock if you wanted. But it removes that option when you have surrendered control to a key holder. You can’t unlock and remove the cage without breaking the agreement and disappointing your key holder. Both are things I’d never do.

I have never experienced having an intimate partner I cared about and knew cared about me as a key holder. But I have no difficulty imagining that is the best possible way to experience chastity.

No matter how charming, dominant, or attractive a professional key holder might be or how over time, you sometimes develop feelings of affection for them on some level, you always understand it isn’t personal for them. It’s just a business transaction. They provide you a service for a fee you feel you need or want.

Nevertheless, the feeling of control it produces is still very real. And I love that feeling. It makes me feel comforted, cared for, and sexy. It makes the practice of chastity all the more profound. The feeling of the chastity device holding me tight and knowing another person has all the control is one of the best feelings in the world.

Is there any point to wearing a chastity device if you don’t have someone to hold your keys? What’s a single guy to do? Maybe these 5 easy ways to make solo chastity more fun can help.

Ideally, if you’re interested in experiencing male chastity, you have a partner or someone else to act as your keyholder. But that’s not an option for many of us who are single. As a result, solo or self chastity is the default option.

Is Solo Chastity Even Chastity?

Many guys have told me they saw no point in solo chastity since it made no sense to be both the jailer and the prisoner. One guy said self-locking isn’t even chastity because it lacks the basic foundation of chastity, a power transfer from the male to his keyholder. I beg to differ. Sure, the power transfer is an integral part when a partner locks you. But the dynamics involved between chastity with a keyholder and self-locking are only different. Solo chastity is still chastity because it meets the term’s basic definition, which is simply the state or practice of refraining from sexual gratification. With a chastity device and a little willpower, any guy can do meaningful male chastity, even without a partner to hold the keys.

As someone with considerable experience with self-locking, I know it isn’t easy. When you are your own keyholder, the temptation to unlock yourself is always high. But you can turn the self-locking experience into a fun mental game against yourself that will still be meaningful and fun. You can also have much of the same experiences by self-locking and reap many of the same benefits as guys fortunate enough to have someone else to hold their keys.

Here I’m sharing five easy ways to make solo chastity more fun and meaningful.

#1 Give Away the Key

Even if you don’t have an intimate partner, if you think about who you know, there might be a friend or even an ex-partner that wouldn’t even hesitate to help you out by holding your key. No, it wouldn’t be the same as having an intimate partner acting as your keyholder since people like that wouldn’t likely agree to provide you with sexual teasing. But at least you would experience physical separation from the key and the power exchange, which would certainly raise the bar.

Absent a friend or ex-partner to ask for help, you could even ask a co-worker, neighbor, or other acquaintance to hold the key for you. You probably wouldn’t tell them what the key is for, but only that you needed someone to hold onto it for a while. Male chastity is becoming more mainstream, so the keys for chastity devices are somewhat recognizable. Instead of giving such a person the actual key to your chastity device, if you have a safe deposit box or post office box, you ask them to hold that key after putting your chastity device lock key inside.

If you follow this tip, just make sure you keep a key for emergencies and for when you need to remove the device for regular cleaning. Before I built up enough willpower that I trusted myself with possession of an emergency key, I used to freeze it inside a block of ice that I kept in the freezer. Then, ordinarily, when it was time for a cleaning, I’d give the ice time to thaw and retrieve the key. But in an emergency, I could have always used a hammer to access the key immediately.

#2 Engage a Professional Keyholder

Here is an option I’ve used, and I think it is the next best thing to having an intimate partner as a keyholder. Most professional dominant women who offer keyholding services also provide some form of sexual teasing as part of the deal or at least offer the option for an additional cost. Yes, you do have to pay them because that’s how they earn a living. Some professional Dommes and Dominatrices are quite pricey. But I’ve found professional women who offer professional keyholding at prices well within my budget. I’ve only engaged pro keyholders online, but if you live in a large city, you can probably find professionals with whom you can schedule face-to-face sessions for locking, unlocking, and teasing.

I have seen women on social media sites like Twitter offering professional keyholding services. But I wouldn’t recommend looking for one there if social media is their only online presence. A professional Domme or Dominatrix should at least have a professional website that spells out her requirements and fees for keyholding. Otherwise, you don’t know what you might be getting yourself into.

A question I often get is where to find a woman willing to do keyholding for free or at least on the cheap. Believe me that isn’t reality. Maybe there are sadistic women out there willing to hold the keys of some guy they don’t even know for the sheer enjoyment of locking his penis and subjecting him to merciless teasing. Anything is possible. But I’ve never met such a woman and even if I did, I don’t think I’d entrust the key to my chastity device to one just to save a few bucks.

Many professional keyholders don’t advertise because of variances in the laws depending upon where one lives and can even be difficult to find with internet searches. Weirdly enough, most of the professionals I’m aware of live abroad. I’ve found a few pricey ones in the US, but the vast majority I know about live in other countries. So unless you live in one of those countries, you’re limited to online interaction. But that’s worked for me. Not long ago, I learned that House of Denial, a UK-based chastity device retailer, now offers a keyholding referral service with professionals they have vetted. You can peruse their list of over a dozen professionals by visiting https://www.houseofdenial.com/pages/keyholding-services.

#3 Start With Modest Goals

If you’re new to wearing a chastity device, don’t try to do too much too soon. Most guys I know that tried self-locking and quickly gave it up tried to go from zero to sixty right off the jump. Then, when their penises got sore, they decided wearing chastity devices wasn’t for them. So, when trying to wear one for the first time, take it easy.

When I started, I had a pro keyholder who knows her stuff, and she forced me to go slowly. I started by wearing the cage for a half-day, then a full day, then overnight. I progressed to 72 hours and then to a full week, a month, and finally three full months. As a result, I never experienced anything beyond minor discomfort and easily acclimated to wearing the device. After my first three months under the supervision of the pro, I felt confident enough to try self-locking, and I’ve since remained locked for six months and recently a full year (and counting). If you follow my advice and take it slow, you will set yourself up for success instead of almost certain failure. And you will reap many of the benefits of chastity even without a keyholder.

#4 Find a Diversion

After a few days locked, rather than distracting you from horny thoughts, the device draws attention to them. That’s going to make the temptation to unlock and take care of business more unbearable. You can counter that by finding a diversion. What worked for me (and still does) was starting a new exercise regimen. I started walking first since I had let myself go for years and wasn’t fit, then stepped up to running. I’ve progressed to running six days a week during my past year locked and have shed over fifty pounds. I feel ten years younger and have the energy to burn now. Exercise keeps me from thinking about unlocking and looking for sex or returning to my past masturbation habits.

#5 Use a Timer Padlock or Timer Locked Container

These days, plenty of technology exists to aid your self-lock efforts. There are both timer padlocks and timer locked containers that will keep the keys to your device securely locked for the time you set (up to 999 hours 59 minutes 59 seconds). The locks and containers won’t open until the time you set expires. Both are available on Amazon and from other retailers. Containers are available for under $40. Most are large enough to accommodate a cell phone since they are designed for people looking to curb their dependence on smartphones, cigarettes, etc. The padlocks, which sell for around $30, are too large to lock a chastity device and likely not waterproof. But they can be used to lock a container holding your chastity device keys. A simple hack is to use an empty plastic soda or water bottle as a container. With the lid screwed on, simply drill a hole through the lid from one side to the other large enough to accommodate the lock’s cable hasp. Then unscrew the lid, drop your keys inside the bottle, replace the lid, and install the lock.

There is No One Right Way to Do Male Chastity

Never let some know it all tell you that self-locking is not real chastity. It is a viable option for those who want the experience and benefits of male chastity but who don’t have an intimate partner for a keyholder and aren’t necessarily even looking to get into a relationship. For me, I’d have to have some very good reasons for wanting another relationship beyond wanting a built-in keyholder. And solo chastity can provide many of the same benefits experienced by guys who have a keyholder. For example, without the distraction of masturbation and porn, I’m far more productive than before I embraced male chastity. Wearing a chastity device can also lead to developing an increase in self-control, willpower, and determination, qualities that transcend the realm of chastity devices and positively affect an individual’s daily life in other important areas. And, guys who self lock, enjoy stronger more enjoyable orgasms when they do eventually give themselves sexual release after enduring a period of denial. Hopefully, you will find these 5 easy ways to make solo chastity more fun useful in the practice of solo male chastity.

Tag Archives: self locking

The Critical Difference Between Chastity With a Key Holder and Self-Locking