As mentioned in the previous post, I engaged a Professional Dominatrix as my key holder for the observance of the longest day (month-long observance of International Male Chastity Day). Four days into it (I started a day early), the experience of having a key holder has reminded me once again of the critical difference between chastity with a key holder and self-locking. It’s the control.
I spent the entire year of 2021 self-locked and had to look back at my notes to see when I last had a key holder. It was June through November 2020. The benefits of wearing a male chastity device are so obvious that I willingly self-lock. That’s also why I recommend practicing solo male chastity to other single guys without hesitation. It’s still fun and meaningful. You still get many of the benefits. But we don’t get one element of chastity when we go it alone. We miss out on one of the most satisfying aspects of chastity, the experience of surrendering control to another person.
Surrendering Control is a Common Male Fantasy
Many men (if not most) fantasize about giving control of their sexual desires over to their wives, girlfriends, or partners. This dynamic, commonly known as power exchange, requires complete trust and open, honest communication. Many men enjoy being more of a passive player when it comes to sex, taking on a sexually submissive role. It runs contrary to the way they experience their lives outside the bedroom. So, they enjoy the idea of a partner locking up their penis, teasing, denying, and deciding when they can orgasm. It’s about feeling like you surrender control.
In the beginning, the novelty and excitement are heady and arousing, but once a little time passes, the frustration builds, and you must dig deep to find your own power and strength of resolve, as the temptation to beg and plead for release ramps up. It took only four days under the firm hand of my Mistress to remind me of all these things and how much I’ve missed it.
The Effects of Control
I’m not at the frustration stage yet, probably because I have acquired so much experience wearing a cock cage. But here is how the control of another person is making itself felt. Right now, I am super horny. That’s my preferred state, although it can be massively distracting. Sure, I get horny sometimes when I’m self-locked. But it never feels this intense.
The other thing I’ve noticed is attempted erections waking me during the night. I adjusted to the nocturnal erections a long while ago, and they rarely wake me anymore. But last night, attempted erections woke me three different times. That isn’t ordinary for me. All my custom cages are designed to fit tight with no extra space, so they all do an excellent job of stifling erection attempts quickly. Also, I woke up this morning with morning wood. Since my Jail Bird offers no extra space for the contents to grow, the boner pushed the base ring and cage a good distance away from my body until it subsided.
These are the things that make me aware of the control. Is this mental or physical? I think maybe a little of both. When you’re self-locked, even when you have no intention of unlocking, it’s always there in the back of your mind that you could unlock if you wanted. But it removes that option when you have surrendered control to a key holder. You can’t unlock and remove the cage without breaking the agreement and disappointing your key holder. Both are things I’d never do.
I have never experienced having an intimate partner I cared about and knew cared about me as a key holder. But I have no difficulty imagining that is the best possible way to experience chastity.
No matter how charming, dominant, or attractive a professional key holder might be or how over time, you sometimes develop feelings of affection for them on some level, you always understand it isn’t personal for them. It’s just a business transaction. They provide you a service for a fee you feel you need or want.
Nevertheless, the feeling of control it produces is still very real. And I love that feeling. It makes me feel comforted, cared for, and sexy. It makes the practice of chastity all the more profound. The feeling of the chastity device holding me tight and knowing another person has all the control is one of the best feelings in the world.