tips for new keyholders Archives

The Care and Feeding of the Male in Chastity

By Chaste on Thursday, March 11, 2021

Sexual Teasing and Chastity—What it Is, Why It's Important, and How to Do It

There are many real and readily attainable benefits for women who choose to lock their male partner’s penis in a chastity cage. But I’ll be honest. There are trade-offs too, things that will require time and effort on your part if you agree to enforce your husband or partner’s chastity. One of the things involved in the care and feeding of the male in chastity is the requirement for you to devote time and effort to teasing your man regularly.

Sexual teasing is a requisite for doing male chastity properly. It’s so essential that an absence of teasing will ruin the chastity experience for everyone. The necessity of sexual teasing in male chastity and a few tips on how to do it is the topic of this post, the third in the series focused on male chastity from the the female perspective.

If you missed the first two posts, you can find them here and here.

If Only Life Were Simple

If all a woman had to do was lock up her man’s penis, forget it, and reap the benefits, life would be simple. But life is never simple. The same goes for male chastity. If it was, more women would probably feel less reluctant to try male chastity when their men nervously suggest adding it to the relationship mix.

Most guys who desire male chastity would be so thrilled by a partner’s willingness to fulfill their desires by locking them up that for a time that’s all it takes to keep them happy. But as days stretch into weeks, the novelty of wearing a penis cage wears off. Chastity devices hold no inherent magic on their own. The magic comes in when a keyholder enforces chastity properly. Teasing is an essential part of that.

Why Locked and Forgetten Doesn't Work

A guy who is locked and forgotten soon becomes disenchanted with the whole idea of playing the chastity game. Unhappiness turns into dissatisfaction, then into feelings of resentment, and anger. That’s the direct opposite of what want to achieve by putting your man in chastity. That’s why teasing is such an important ingredient. Without it, the only results a woman will see from locking up her man is a petulant, angry, uncooperative guy who won’t want to play the game anymore.

What Teasing Accomplishes

As counter-intuitive as it might sound, when you take away a man’s orgasms and his ability to play with his penis whenever the mood strikes, he finds it very arousing. Chastity is a huge mind fuck.

The sexual frustration a chaste man feels is intense, so intense he experiences a euphoric high from the desperation and his lack of control. That is why a guy becomes super-focused on his partner and the extreme arousal coupled with sexual frustration is what makes the chastity game so much fun for guys to play. The more aroused a denied man stays, the more he likes it. Teasing is what keeps a guy’s arousal at high levels.

But of course we men aren’t wired to sustain high levels of arousal indefinitely without encouragement, and part of being a keyholder and chastity enforcer is the responsibility to provide that encouragement.

Regular teasing is how you keep your man highly aroused and coming back for more. That’s how you reap consistent benefits—massages on demand, satisfying oral sex on your terms, and an eager helper with those household chores. Regular and consistent teasing is how you keep him interested in the game and focused on you. As a result, your confidence soars as you experience the power of being truly in control of your man and both of your sex lives. That is how male chastity is supposed to work.

Rinse and Repeat

To make chastity work for both of you, you cage your man. Your man becomes increasingly horny and needy. You tease your man, He becomes more horny and needy. He may even whine about how needy he feels and beg you to unlock him. But don’t give in. Just keep teasing and let his brain continue to stew in those lovely endorphins and hormones that orgasm denial produces. The more he whines and begs, the more you tease him.

Rinse and repeat for as long as you want him caged and want to reap the benefits of male chastity. Within reason of course. A point will come where the sexual frustration grows until his arousal can’t be sustained and you will have to unlock him and allow him relief. Then you lock him back up and the game begins anew. Just don’t unlock him too soon or too often. That’s because once you allow a guy to orgasm, you must start all over again at ground zero, and for at least a few days those lovely benefits for you will all but disappear.

Teasing in a Nutshell

Sexual teasing as it relates to male chastity is nothing more than providing some sort of sexual stimulation without allowing a man to orgasm. Teasing can be either physical or non-physical. It can be active or passive. You can remove the cage for teasing or leave it on as it is all up to you as the keyholder. Teasing needn’t consume lots of time. In most cases, a few minutes a day is all that’s required, although you can do it as much as you wish.

Through experimentation, you will soon learn how much teasing it takes to keep your man in that sweet spot of horniness and need. That may not be as much teasing as he wants, but will be as much as he needs to stay highly aroused.

Never feel you must devote entire evenings or hours on weekends to teasing your chaste mate. You will only suffer burnout trying to do too much teasing and then chastity won’t be any fun for you. And if it isn’t fun for you. Then you are the one who will tire of the chastity game.

Active Teasing

We might define active teasing as an activity where you must expend effort. Still, even active teasing may be physical or non-physical. Let’s look first at a few examples of active, physical teasing.

Active Physical Teasing

Physically touching your partner’s genitals with your hands, fingers, or feet is one example of active, physical teasing. That is easily accomplished with his cage locked on since his testicles are exposed and readily available for stimulation. If you’re comfortable with anal play, your caged man’s anus is another fertile target for active, physical teasing. Some chastity couples enjoy introducing pegging into their sexual relationship as a form of teasing.

Removing your man’s cage and permitting him PIV sex is another form of active-physical teasing. The key is not allowing him to orgasm. When you sense he is getting too excited, make him stop until he calms down. Continue with the start and stop, or simply lock him back up when you tire of it.

Regardless of how you choose to do it. active, physical teasing gives your guy the physical sexual stimulation he craves that will keep him horny, needy, and totally focused on you. Now let’s look at active, non-physical teasing.

Active Non-Physical Teasing

Active, non-physical teasing is as simple as you wearing as little as possible around the house when you and your partner are home alone. On weekends, a former partner of mine used to wear only panties and a tight tee-shirt without a bra when we were home alone. She liked dressing comfortably at home, but she also enjoyed teasing me.

Rather than wearing as little as possible, active-non-physical teasing could be wearing sexy clothing like tight shorts or pants, or wearing short dresses while making sure to bend over frequently in your partner’s view.

The ideas here are literally limited only by your imagination. I’m sure by now you’ve figured out how to use your feminine form to maximum effect when you wish to appear alluring to a guy.

Passive Teasing

Let’s define passive teasing as an activity where you don’t have to expend effort, at least not effort to affect the teasing.

Here again, passive teasing may be physical or non-physical. Let’s look at some examples of passive, physical teasing.

Passive Physical Teasing

What comes easily to mind, is you allowing your caged partner to give you oral sex. It’s passive in the sense all you must do is relax and enjoy receiving it.

Similarly, you might masturbate while allowing your caged partner to watch without participating. Yes, you’re expending some effort, but it’s all focused on you so that’s why I consider it passive. I can’t imagine any guy who wouldn’t find that a huge turn-on.

You could switch it around by removing the cage and allowing your partner to masturbate while all you do is passively watch. You might make him perform edges where he masturbates right up to the point of climax, but then has to stop.

Edging is the most fun when you make a guy do series of edges. He masturbates to the edge of orgasm, stops until he calms down, and then repeats the process all over, again and again, for a set number of times. Just don’t allow him to orgasm and lock him back up when you tire of the game.

Other examples of passive, physical teasing is allowing your partner to give you foot or back massages, or allowing him to rub his now useless, caged genitals against your bare bottom when you’re in bed together.

Passive Non-Physical Teasing

Here again, we find virtually endless possibilities for teasing that require no real time or effort on your part and no physical contact.

You might make hubby wear nothing but a pair of your old panties or a pair you bought specifically for him with a tee shirt whenever you’re home alone and while he takes care of whatever household chores you’ve assigned. Unless he is into cross-dressing, he will find that embarrassing, maybe even slightly humiliating. But if he is horny and needy enough, he won’t refuse. And I can almost guarantee the mild embarrassment will cause the contents of his cage to swell uncomfortably the entire time. You can up the ante by telling him how sexy in looks in women’s panties and that you’re thinking about requiring him to wear them as his regular underwear.

Assigning your partner household chores can of itself serve as a form of passive, non-physical teasing. Most guys find it arousing when a woman takes charge and puts them to work cleaning the bathroom, washing the dishes, vacuuming the carpets, etc. while she reclines on the couch watching her favorite television program or reads a book.

Dropping verbal hints that you can’t decide when you might unlock your partner and allow him some relief or making statements that you’re thinking seriously about keeping him locked up permanently is a good form of passive, non-physical teasing.

Some guys like it when their partner tells them how useless or pathetic or tiny their penises look when caged. This is a form of mild humiliation and some men find it very arousing. But unless you already know your man gets off on it, you may want to take it easy at first if you decide to try it.

Continuing with the mild humiliation form of teasing, while you’re out at the mall or supermarket or some other public place, you might point out some attractive guy to your partner. Then say, something like, “I bet that guy has a huge, man-sized cock, honey. It’s making me wet just thinking about what sex might be like with him.” Or use one of your partner’s male co-workers or friends you know in a similar way. Say something like, “You know, honey, I’ve always imagined that [insert person’s name] has a really big cock, much bigger than your tiny thing. I bet he can really satisfy a woman.”

Through passive, non-physical teasing, you get a lot of mileage with little or no real effort on your part that will keep your hubby or partner feeling horny and desperately needy.

More Resources

Here we’ve looked at only the tip of the teasing iceberg with a few examples to stimulate your imagination. If you need more examples, I have a couple of resources I can recommend.

Georgia Ivey Green has a good book on the subject, The Ultimate Guide to Teasing and Denial. I’ve provided the Amazon link so you can use the look inside feature. But the book is also available from other retailers.

My Boy in Chastity’s Blog, is another good resource for teasing ideas. The blogger is a woman whose husband’s request for chastity caught her completely off-guard. She writes about her experiences with it. While this blog is now inactive, it still contains lots of great information for women whose partner’s desire chastity. She learned as she went along, but in the end became exceptionally adept at teasing her husband and keeping his arousal peaking.

Now that you know more about what teasing is with regard to male chastity and that it is pretty simple, maybe it seems less of a barrier to trying chastity with your partner.

enforced male chastity

So Your Husband Wants You to Lock His Penis in a Chastity Device

By Chaste on Monday, February 22, 2021

Tips For the Reluctant Wife (Or Partner)

I have recently updated this consistently popular post, So Your Husband Wants You to Lock His Penis in a Chastity Device, with new information.

In this post, I offer a bit of advice to the woman whose husband has shocked her with a startling request. He wants her to lock his penis in a chastity device. If that describes you, I understand why this can feel more than a little unsettling if not overwhelming. You’re a “normal” person, with what you thought was a “normal” husband, in a “normal” relationship, and now all of a sudden your husband or significant other wants you to become some sort of kinky dominatrix.

Part of the problem is, and trust me on this, when your husband or partner tried to explain his desire for chastity to you, probably he absolutely chose the wrong way to explain it. But don’t panic. Take a deep breath. The request isn’t nearly as bizarre as it might appear at first blush. You can get through this.

Chastity Devices and Why Men Want to Wear Them

This may not come as a surprise to you. If you’ve been married to or with your significant other long, you have probably already noticed his somewhat obsessive relationship with his penis. The point is we think about and fantasize about sex a lot and seem to want it all the time. When we can’t get it all the time, we are often prone to spending inordinate amounts of time getting ourselves off with masturbation. It’s not on purpose. Millions of years of evolution have wired us this way. It’s built into our DNA.

Making the problem even worse is that visuals of sexy, often scantily clad females are everywhere—on television, on the internet, and in real life, at the office, the gym, etc. Add to that mix the pornography industry which generates around $12 billion dollars in annual revenue (more revenue than the combined annual revenues of ABC, NBC, and CBS) that caters almost exclusively to the male sex drive. With these female visuals everywhere, it’s almost a lead pipe cinch that it can trigger for most men the “I want to have sex with that” response. Again, this is not entirely our fault.

Now try this. Imagine you’re sitting on the living room sofa with your husband or boyfriend, watching a favorite television program. Suddenly, he clears his voice, looks at you nervously, and blurts out something that shocks and maybe even confuses you a little. Something similar to this.

“I would like us to add chastity to our relationship. I want you to take complete control of deciding when and how we have sex and when and under what circumstances you allow me to touch myself or have an orgasm.”

“You want what?” you exclaim.

No one could fault you that such a revelation might take you completely by surprise. After all, if he’s like most guys, your partner has probably complained that you don’t have sex often enough, that you aren’t in the mood too often, and has shamelessly checked out other women when he was out with you. Maybe he spends an inordinate amount of time on the internet looking at porn. You may know, or at least suspect, he masturbates way too much. Now he is asking you to take complete control of his access to all sexual pleasure, to decide all aspects of your sex life together, and swears he will abide by your decisions. That’s a lot to take in.

If you’re anything like most women faced with such a revelation, you will have questions. Lots of questions. You will find it hard to believe your partner really wants this. In disbelief, you will probably start asking him question, trying to understand what prompted this. Making it even more confusing is that you may have never even heard of such a thing. What is chastity? Some kinky sex game?

Remember the look of relief that flashed across his face that was palpable once he realizes you were at least open to discussing chastity. He eagerly answered your questions and tried to explain (probably badly), more about what he wants and why. Typically, men find it hard to explain why they want chastity to their wives or girlfriends. He may not explain it perfectly. But might say something like chastity and having you take control is something he has fantasized about for some time and something that truly excites him.

Usually, it takes a guy a long time to work up the courage to tell his wife or girlfriend that he wants her to lock him in a chastity device and to take control of his access to all sexual pleasure. As important as it may be to him, as much as he wants it, he fears your rejection. And often, by the time he works up the courage to broach the subject with his partner, he has already secretly purchased a chastity device and experimented with it. And once the conversation begins, he will grow eager to show you the device, hoping you will better understand what it is and what he wants.

It might amaze you to learn that there are so many men today who wish to be locked in a chastity device and to hand over control of it to the woman in their life. When a woman agrees to such an arrangement, she becomes her partner’s keyholder. Wait! But what is a chastity device, anyway? Good question.

Before You Dismiss Chastity as Just Another Stupid Kinky Game

While there are complete chastity belts that lock around the waist available today, the type of device your husband or boyfriend is most likely telling you about is a simple affair consisting of a ring and a tube or cage affair. The ring goes over the base of the penis and around and beneath the scrotum. The tube or cage then slides over the penis, connects to the ring, and a lock secures the two components together.

Manufacturers and retails offer many styles of these devices, mostly online. They come in a variety of materials like plastic, stainless steel, and silicone and an array of colors. Once locked in place on the male genitals, a chastity device prevents a man from getting normal erections, from touching themselves, let alone masturbating, and from engaging in sexual intercourse.

Of course, if your husband or boyfriend comes to you and reveals out of the blue that he wants you to lock up his penis in one of these devices and to assume complete control of his genitals and sex life, at first blush it may seem a ludicrous proposition. You may feel tempted to dismiss it as just another weird, stupid, kinky sex game he has picked up from the internet. That’s understandable. Again, it is a lot to take in.

Women, as a rule, have calmer temperaments and better self control. Not as intensely sexually focused as many men often are, women might go for a week or even much longer without an orgasm and think nothing of it. You may have often thought men could probably accomplish so much more in life if they weren’t so obsessed with sex. And you would be right if you ever thought that. And that’s just one reason you shouldn’t just dismiss the request for chastity from your husband or boyfriend without giving the idea some serious consideration. If you think about it, your partner is offering you an incredible gift. So, before you give the idea of dismissing the idea of chastity out of hand, first ask yourself these questions.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Are you unhappy with how much attention your partner now pays you? Do you think that at least part of the problem is that he spends too much time surfing porn on the internet? Are you fed up with catching him ogling other attractive women when you’re out together? Has he admitted to you, or do you suspect he masturbates too much? Would you be willing to give up sexual intercourse with him, at least in the short term, if you got a lot more attention from him, including a lot more oral sex? Do you feel the initial excitement and romance have declined significantly and that you often feel dissatisfaction with your relationship? Are you willing to take control and put in some effort to make your relationship work in a new and exciting way? If you answered yes to these questions, maybe you should consider chastity for your husband.

How Does Chastity Work?

Agreeing to lock your husband or boyfriend in a chastity device and taking on the responsibility of becoming his keyholder isn’t beyond the capabilities of most women. But that doesn’t mean you won’t have to sacrifice time to learn what is required to become an effective keyholder. There is much more to it than snapping the lock shut, forgetting all about it, and getting on with your life. It doesn’t quite work that way. If you adopt that approach, often called locked and forgot, neither of you will get any of the benefits that chastity offers.

Let’s be clear about one thing. At the beginning, most guys who ask their partner to lock them in chastity are almost exclusively focused on the fantasy rather than the reality of chastity. That’s okay because we can’t expect people to know what something is about until they have experienced it. Here is why this is important to understand. Should you agree to grant your partner’s wish and lock him in a chastity device, initially, he will be over the moon. Yet in as little as a few days, thanks to the normal male sexual response cycle, reality will raise its ugly head.

After orgasm and ejaculation, for most men, their sexual desire and arousal drops to their lowest levels. We’ve all seen it. Their interest in sex evaporates. Along with it, they shove romance and flirting roughly aside and other things occupy their minds. But, as we also know, those rascally men don’t stay disinterested in sex for long. Within 24 to 36 hours, their sexual desire slowly returns as their prostates refill. Guys may barely notice it at first, but by the second and third day after orgasm and ejaculation, their one-tracked minds again focus on sex and they are ready for some loving. You must prepare for this if you decide to become your partner’s keyholder. Because this is what usually happens.

After you lock him and he spends two or three days wearing the chastity device, he will probably start asking you to unlock him. If you refuse, he may become a little cool toward you. Over the next few days, he may grow steadily whinier until his begging to be unlocked will become intolerable. That won’t be much fun for you or him. If you take pity on him, unlock him, and let him out every third or fourth day to take care of himself, it may seem fine. But the whole chastity thing will be a bit of a letdown for you. If you’ve ever read or heard about all the benefits a woman should expect from keeping her man in chastity, you will wonder what everyone is raving about. That’s why you can’t fall into this trap.

If you agree to become your partner’s keyholder, before you snap the lock shut, stress to him chastity might be a game, but it’s a serious game with rules and you will make the rules. Tell him you will take chastity seriously because that’s what he says he wants. And if he shows he isn’t serious by begging for you to unlock him, getting whiny, complaining about feeling miserable, or indulging in other inappropriate behaviors, you will unlock him and forbid him to bring up chastity to you ever again.

He needs to understand you intend to take control, you’re serious, and you won’t take any crap. Do that and you can successfully guide him to the almost magical place that some call the “Goldilocks Phase.” Men reach that phase after about 7 to 10 days, where ever growing arousal and ever-intensifying desire produces sweet, pleasurable sensations that seem as if they will never end. This is where you want your locked partner spending his time, because this phase lasting 21 to 30 days is when chastity will benefit you and him the most.

Today an abundance of resources exist that explain everything you need to know about male chastity and keyholding. Here are three books I recommend, all written by women, that will teach you everything you need to know. I’ve provided Amazon links, but you can find these books at most major bookstores.

A Keyholder’s Handbook by Georgia Ivey Green

Tips & Tricks for Keyholders by Georgia Ivey Green

Practical FLR: Lessons for a Female Led Relationship by J. M. Scott

Both of the books by Georgia Ivey Green focus directly on male chastity and keyholding. If you subscribe to Kindle Unlimited, you can even read both books free, as they are included in your membership. The book by J. M. Scott has only one chapter devoted specifically to male chastity, but in the book you will find a wealth of information about taking control of your relationship. Frankly, when you’re controlling a man’s orgasms, you’re controlling the man. And J. M. Scott will teach you how to do that most effectively.

The internet also has a wealth of information about male chastity and keyholding available for free. Unfortunately, a lot of it is wrong, worthless information based more on chastity fantasy than chastity reality. But a few great resources exist. I try to write posts that women and keyholders will find helpful regularly. But there are two other blogs that I highly recommend to women new to chastity and keyholding. Since women curate both blogs, the content comes from a woman’s point of view.

Evolving Your Man

My Boy in Chastity

Emma, who curates Evolving Your Man, keeps her husband Kevin in chastity and has for many years. She is a dedicated researcher and writes interesting and authoritative posts on a variety of chastity and sexuality topics. The woman who publishes My Boy in Chastity details her experiences of guiding her husband’s chastity from the day he first asked her to lock him up and take control until the present. After a hiatus, she began posting again this year. On this blog, the most recent posts appear first. I recommend scrolling all the way to the beginning to start. That way you get the story from beginning to end.

So your husband wants you to lock his penis in a chastity device and you need answers. Hopefully, this post has helped you by answering a few and pointed you to other great resources you will find helpful.

Remember You Don't Have to Become Someone You're Not

Taking part in your partner’s chastity journey doesn’t mean you have to change. You don’t have to become some corset and stiletto-boots wearing dominatrix, or an amateur sex worker. Just be yourself and create your own style.

It doesn’t have to become a time suck and your life needn’t revolve around your significant other’s desire for chastity. You don’t have to be an expert at sexual teasing or spend loads of time learning how to become one. Some teasing is required to keep your husband’s arousal peaking, but there are plenty of simple ways to do that which don’t require a lot of time. I’ll do another post on that topic soon.

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