February 2021 - Cut to the Chaste

Another Ninety-Day Stretch Wearing a Male Chastity Device

By Chaste on Sunday, February 28, 2021

Is It Time to For the Road Less Traveled?

If you keep up with my current status on this site, you may have noticed that I’m less than a day away from completing another ninety-day stretch wearing a male chastity device. So far in my chastity journey, ninety-days is my personal best. This will be the third time I’m reached that mark. Now I’m debating where I want to go next. I’ve been locked for all of 2021 so far, but I’m not ready to unlock yet. It is only a matter of how much longer I want to commit to staying locked.

The Unmade Resolution

Before the first of the year, I thought about making a New Year’s chastity resolution. But when January 1 arrived, I was still undecided. Should I commit to six months? Or should I try wearing a cock cage for the entire year? Both seem worthy goals since I’ve yet to go beyond ninety consecutive days. Unable to decide, the resolution went unmade. So, I’m revisiting it now.

Usually, I do very well with self-enforced chastity and find that I’m less and less dependent on having a professional keyholder to motivate me. But it seems each time I hit the three-month mark, I start to think a little wistfully about how great it would be to have a permanent keyholder.

Knowing someone is enforcing your chasteness just feels so much more profound than doing it yourself. Under those circumstances, committing to six-months or even a year without a break would be much easier. But, I’m not ready to unlock after ninety-days this time. It’s only a matter of how much longer I’ll go.

Two Roads Diverged in a Yellow Wood

My circumstances put me in mind of one of my favorite poems, The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.

“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

I’ve traveled the ninety-days road three times and it seems it is now time to take things longer, the road less traveled by. So, I’ll carry on when day ninety-one arrives. But you don’t have to get too complicated with chastity unless that’s what you want. So, instead of choosing a future date three-months or nine-months from now, I believe I’ll just take it a month at a time. I’ll commit to another month and see how I’m feeling about things then. Even completing 120-days would be a new personal best.

The Ultimate Goal Permanent Chastity

Since the beginning, my ultimate goal has been permanent chastity. I’ve already reached the point in my chastity journey where I feel more comfortable wearing a device than when I’m not. For that reason I suppose I might be able to continue indefinitely. Achieving permanent chastity may now be realistically within my grasp. But I don’t know.

For now I’m committed to another thirty days and reaching the 120-day mark. Then we’ll see. Maybe at that point, I’ll have gone far enough along the road less traveled by that it will make all the difference.

Next up for review is the Holy Trainer Nub V4. I’ve already ordered it and will get it in plenty of time for a proper wear test before publishing the Q2 review April 5. As much as I’ve enjoyed the Holy Trainer Nano V4, I can’t wait to try the Nub. I’m a real fan of micro-chastity devices and am eager to see how the Nub stacks up with some of the metal micro devices I’ve tried.

Back to Amicus

As much as I like the new Jail Bird, I’ll be starting day 91 back in my Amicus. Of all the devices I’ve tried, it remains my favorite.

enforced male chastity

The Ethos of Male Chastity

By Chaste on Tuesday, February 23, 2021

The Customs and Character of the Chaste Life Through Enforced Chastity

Enforced chastity is the practice where a male consents to someone else denying him orgasms on a more or less regular basis. This is often accomplished with the use of a chastity device (or cock cage), which prevents a male from touching his penis, achieving full erections, and ejaculating. In this article, I discuss the ethos of male chastity, the customs and character of the male chaste life.

The Unbridled Male Sex Drive

Within the average male there is a tremendous drive to have sex. It’s a natural, fundamental urge that’s impossible for us to ignore, genetically programmed into us by hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. While there is nothing wrong with having a healthy sex drive, the irresistible urges of our male libidos can be like a mighty river at flood stage, sweeping away everything in its path on its journey to reach the sea. One way or another, our sex drive demands release of the pent up sexual energy, not caring whether that gets achieved by destroying everything that stands in the way of us achieving sexual gratification.

Sexual Response Cycle

After a man orgasms his sexual response and desire drops precipitously to their lowest levels. But, as we know from experience, that doesn’t last long. Within twenty-four hours for most us, our sexual response and desire begins to slowly return as our prostates refill. Some guys may barely notice it at first, but within forty-eight to seventy-hours most men are ready again for some relief.

There are a lot of myths about male sexual desire, including the common belief that all men want sex all the time. I’m sure we’ve all heard the tired old trope that we men think with our penises instead of the heads on our shoulders. But it is true that most men think about and want sex more often than the average female. But let’s look now at a new myth being perpetrated today, especially in articles on the wonderful world wide web.

Women Want Sex As Often as Men?

Today we live in a society hyper-focused on equality of the genders at all costs. Instead of the freedom to appreciate the unique differences between males and females, increasingly, we are assailed by rabid social engineer keyboard warriors who insist we are all the same in every way.

For this reason you can find a lot of gibberish on the internet these days claiming that the libidos of men and women are not significantly different and that females desire sex as often as men. Wait! Whut? That has not been my experience.

I’m relying on personal anecdotal evidence here, but I’ve been it what I consider a fairly representative sample of relationships with women. That began with a marriage to a woman that was somewhat sexually repressed. During our marriage if we had sex three times a month, it was a cause for celebration.

After our divorce, I have been in only one relationship with a woman who was at least willing (if not always enthusiastic) to have sex as often as I wanted it. And of all the women I’ve had relationships since divorcing there has been only one woman who wanted sex more often than I did. She wore me flat out, but I was brave and tried never to complain.

Anyone who claims the sex drives of men and women are not materially different are simply full of crap. Either they don’t know what the hell they are talking about, or they are attempting to drive some gender equality narrative that has nothing to do with sex or libidos. Think about it. If nature had wired women to want sex as often as men, economies would collapse and civilizations would crumble because none of us would have time for anything else but sex.

The Reality of Unequal Libidos

Here’s the rub. Since most males desire sex more or less every twenty-four to seventy-two hours and most women do not, that can produce a lot of male sexual frustration. Since most of us guys don’t care to experience sexual frustration much, we to go to a reliable plan B when our partner isn’t interested. We wank, oftentimes accompanied by some motivational porn watching.

In and of itself, there is nothing wrong with masturbation, in moderation. If we’re in a relationship it can be a healthy way to fill in the gaps between our levels of sexual desire and that of a partners with a lower sex drive. It is certainly more healthy than having arguments about having sex. The problem arises when moderation goes out the window and wanking becomes an all too frequent habit. Many studies have shown that most guys masturbate daily, and some masturbate multiple times daily.

Sometimes when men masturbate excessively, it’s only because it feels so good they want to do it a lot. But, excessive masturbation can also come about because of the disparity between the sex drives of the genders. When a guy’s female partner rejects having sex with him, especially when rejection is frequent, it can feel like it is a rejection of his whole person. Also, guys may feel they are reduced to begging every time they want sex.

It’s not that we expect our partners to say yes every single time, but well, you get tired of continual rejection and having to beg. That can suck all the pleasure out of even having sex. Wanking seems a no-brainer. You get what you need without any chance of rejection and without having to beg for sex. But this too can lead to problems. It isn’t an exaggeration to say that excessive masturbation can be a relationship killer.

I’ll offer another personal anecdote. Once I was in a relationship with a woman who didn’t need or desire sex as often as I did. I often showered right before bed so I could wank because it helped me sleep better and I knew better than to expect sex. Invariably, there were times after I’d masturbated that she unexpectedly was in the mood for sex. At best, I wasn’t in the mood since I’d already satisfied my urges. Usually, I tried to accommodate her, but often wasn’t able to sustain an erection because I’d already ejaculated minutes before getting into bed. Good times.

Wanking and Porn the Silent Relationship Killers

Problems also arise for men who fall into the habit of staying up an hour or two or three to watch porn and wank after their significant other goes to bed. It starts because a guy has little confidence he will get sex, so why not stay up and get what you need? But after a while, he can become so satisfied with the porn and the wanking that he doesn’t really care whether she wants to have sex or not.

Personally, I’ve never known a woman, even a sexually liberated one, who was okay with that. They feel hurt, upset, and resentful. Soon the relationship starts to crumble. That’s because sex is not only a physical, pleasurable act for either gender. There is more to it than just getting naked and sharing a physical act. Experiencing emotional connection, closeness, and intimacy is also a large part of sex for both men and women. That is the part excessive masturbation can destroy, the very underpinnings of a successful relationship.

It Isn't Only About Sex For Men

I think I speak for many men when I say we want to be devoted to our wives or romantic partners. When a woman captures our hearts, we have an innate desire to do anything to please her and to make her feel happy and cared for. We are even willing to make sacrifices for her by making our needs secondary to her needs. This is not as unusual as some might believe. Given the right relational environment and guidance, these natural male qualities can contribute to a foundation upon which successful relationships thrive.

All most of us want in return is to feel loved and desired. We all want to feel like we matter to our partners and that our sexual organs have value to them. That’s why frequent rejection feels so damaging.

And sometimes, we want the rules and roles in the bedroom reversed. We want our partners to give the compliments, flirt with us, seduce us, and to initiate sex. This is important to us because when our partners initiate sexual activity it is the ultimate, the most clear way we feel desired.

That may seem to fly in the face of conventional wisdom. Both men and women are conditioned to seeing women’s bodies being the objects of desire. For this reason, I think many women are completely unaware that men feel this way about being desired.

Embracing The Ethos of Male Chastity

If what I’ve expressed here strikes a chord with you, exploring the ethos of male chastity might be for you. The practice of chastity, enforced by your partner, can transform your relationship in ways you may find unimaginable.

A woman who locks her man’s penis in a chastity device can expect to gain a more caring and attentive lover. Chastity can help a man learn to be humble, servant-minded, and more attuned to his instinctual male nature to lovingly yield his heart to his partner and to discover that her pleasure can become his greatest pleasure.

For many men, wearing a cock cage can become not only a reflection of their value but also a feeling of acceptance by their partner and a near immediate fulfillment of their need to feel desired.

The chaste life, while difficult at first and something that requires an adjustment period, offers so much more than the fleeting seconds of pleasure a guy gets from ejaculating semen every twenty-four to seventy-hours. So, if trying chastity has been something you’ve thought about but you’ve never taken the first step, maybe now is the time to sit down with your wife or romantic partner to have a serious talk about enforced male chastity.

First Steps

If you’re curious about male chastity and what it can do for you and your relationship, don’t put it off any longer. Take the first steps toward embracing the chaste life. On our chastity device review page, you can read reviews of a variety of chastity devices. Some of the custom-made models require a significant investment. But you will also find reviews for many well-made cock cages that cost lest than a hundred bucks and others that cost less than $20. An inexpensive device is often the best choice for a guy just getting started.

Next, do some reading. You will find many informative articles on this website aimed at beginners. There are also now many great books available on the topic of male chastity. Besides my book, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Male Chastity, I recommend Locked in Love by Key Barrett. Once you’ve read these books, they are both great for passing off to your partner when you feel ready to have the chastity talk with her. If you’re a guy ready to re-imagine your relationship, don’t put it off any longer. Take those first steps now.

enforced male chastity

So Your Husband Wants You to Lock His Penis in a Chastity Device

By Chaste on Monday, February 22, 2021

Tips For the Reluctant Wife (Or Partner)

I have recently updated this consistently popular post, So Your Husband Wants You to Lock His Penis in a Chastity Device, with new information.

In this post, I offer a bit of advice to the woman whose husband has shocked her with a startling request. He wants her to lock his penis in a chastity device. If that describes you, I understand why this can feel more than a little unsettling if not overwhelming. You’re a “normal” person, with what you thought was a “normal” husband, in a “normal” relationship, and now all of a sudden your husband or significant other wants you to become some sort of kinky dominatrix.

Part of the problem is, and trust me on this, when your husband or partner tried to explain his desire for chastity to you, probably he absolutely chose the wrong way to explain it. But don’t panic. Take a deep breath. The request isn’t nearly as bizarre as it might appear at first blush. You can get through this.

Chastity Devices and Why Men Want to Wear Them

This may not come as a surprise to you. If you’ve been married to or with your significant other long, you have probably already noticed his somewhat obsessive relationship with his penis. The point is we think about and fantasize about sex a lot and seem to want it all the time. When we can’t get it all the time, we are often prone to spending inordinate amounts of time getting ourselves off with masturbation. It’s not on purpose. Millions of years of evolution have wired us this way. It’s built into our DNA.

Making the problem even worse is that visuals of sexy, often scantily clad females are everywhere—on television, on the internet, and in real life, at the office, the gym, etc. Add to that mix the pornography industry which generates around $12 billion dollars in annual revenue (more revenue than the combined annual revenues of ABC, NBC, and CBS) that caters almost exclusively to the male sex drive. With these female visuals everywhere, it’s almost a lead pipe cinch that it can trigger for most men the “I want to have sex with that” response. Again, this is not entirely our fault.

Now try this. Imagine you’re sitting on the living room sofa with your husband or boyfriend, watching a favorite television program. Suddenly, he clears his voice, looks at you nervously, and blurts out something that shocks and maybe even confuses you a little. Something similar to this.

“I would like us to add chastity to our relationship. I want you to take complete control of deciding when and how we have sex and when and under what circumstances you allow me to touch myself or have an orgasm.”

“You want what?” you exclaim.

No one could fault you that such a revelation might take you completely by surprise. After all, if he’s like most guys, your partner has probably complained that you don’t have sex often enough, that you aren’t in the mood too often, and has shamelessly checked out other women when he was out with you. Maybe he spends an inordinate amount of time on the internet looking at porn. You may know, or at least suspect, he masturbates way too much. Now he is asking you to take complete control of his access to all sexual pleasure, to decide all aspects of your sex life together, and swears he will abide by your decisions. That’s a lot to take in.

If you’re anything like most women faced with such a revelation, you will have questions. Lots of questions. You will find it hard to believe your partner really wants this. In disbelief, you will probably start asking him question, trying to understand what prompted this. Making it even more confusing is that you may have never even heard of such a thing. What is chastity? Some kinky sex game?

Remember the look of relief that flashed across his face that was palpable once he realizes you were at least open to discussing chastity. He eagerly answered your questions and tried to explain (probably badly), more about what he wants and why. Typically, men find it hard to explain why they want chastity to their wives or girlfriends. He may not explain it perfectly. But might say something like chastity and having you take control is something he has fantasized about for some time and something that truly excites him.

Usually, it takes a guy a long time to work up the courage to tell his wife or girlfriend that he wants her to lock him in a chastity device and to take control of his access to all sexual pleasure. As important as it may be to him, as much as he wants it, he fears your rejection. And often, by the time he works up the courage to broach the subject with his partner, he has already secretly purchased a chastity device and experimented with it. And once the conversation begins, he will grow eager to show you the device, hoping you will better understand what it is and what he wants.

It might amaze you to learn that there are so many men today who wish to be locked in a chastity device and to hand over control of it to the woman in their life. When a woman agrees to such an arrangement, she becomes her partner’s keyholder. Wait! But what is a chastity device, anyway? Good question.

Before You Dismiss Chastity as Just Another Stupid Kinky Game

While there are complete chastity belts that lock around the waist available today, the type of device your husband or boyfriend is most likely telling you about is a simple affair consisting of a ring and a tube or cage affair. The ring goes over the base of the penis and around and beneath the scrotum. The tube or cage then slides over the penis, connects to the ring, and a lock secures the two components together.

Manufacturers and retails offer many styles of these devices, mostly online. They come in a variety of materials like plastic, stainless steel, and silicone and an array of colors. Once locked in place on the male genitals, a chastity device prevents a man from getting normal erections, from touching themselves, let alone masturbating, and from engaging in sexual intercourse.

Of course, if your husband or boyfriend comes to you and reveals out of the blue that he wants you to lock up his penis in one of these devices and to assume complete control of his genitals and sex life, at first blush it may seem a ludicrous proposition. You may feel tempted to dismiss it as just another weird, stupid, kinky sex game he has picked up from the internet. That’s understandable. Again, it is a lot to take in.

Women, as a rule, have calmer temperaments and better self control. Not as intensely sexually focused as many men often are, women might go for a week or even much longer without an orgasm and think nothing of it. You may have often thought men could probably accomplish so much more in life if they weren’t so obsessed with sex. And you would be right if you ever thought that. And that’s just one reason you shouldn’t just dismiss the request for chastity from your husband or boyfriend without giving the idea some serious consideration. If you think about it, your partner is offering you an incredible gift. So, before you give the idea of dismissing the idea of chastity out of hand, first ask yourself these questions.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Are you unhappy with how much attention your partner now pays you? Do you think that at least part of the problem is that he spends too much time surfing porn on the internet? Are you fed up with catching him ogling other attractive women when you’re out together? Has he admitted to you, or do you suspect he masturbates too much? Would you be willing to give up sexual intercourse with him, at least in the short term, if you got a lot more attention from him, including a lot more oral sex? Do you feel the initial excitement and romance have declined significantly and that you often feel dissatisfaction with your relationship? Are you willing to take control and put in some effort to make your relationship work in a new and exciting way? If you answered yes to these questions, maybe you should consider chastity for your husband.

How Does Chastity Work?

Agreeing to lock your husband or boyfriend in a chastity device and taking on the responsibility of becoming his keyholder isn’t beyond the capabilities of most women. But that doesn’t mean you won’t have to sacrifice time to learn what is required to become an effective keyholder. There is much more to it than snapping the lock shut, forgetting all about it, and getting on with your life. It doesn’t quite work that way. If you adopt that approach, often called locked and forgot, neither of you will get any of the benefits that chastity offers.

Let’s be clear about one thing. At the beginning, most guys who ask their partner to lock them in chastity are almost exclusively focused on the fantasy rather than the reality of chastity. That’s okay because we can’t expect people to know what something is about until they have experienced it. Here is why this is important to understand. Should you agree to grant your partner’s wish and lock him in a chastity device, initially, he will be over the moon. Yet in as little as a few days, thanks to the normal male sexual response cycle, reality will raise its ugly head.

After orgasm and ejaculation, for most men, their sexual desire and arousal drops to their lowest levels. We’ve all seen it. Their interest in sex evaporates. Along with it, they shove romance and flirting roughly aside and other things occupy their minds. But, as we also know, those rascally men don’t stay disinterested in sex for long. Within 24 to 36 hours, their sexual desire slowly returns as their prostates refill. Guys may barely notice it at first, but by the second and third day after orgasm and ejaculation, their one-tracked minds again focus on sex and they are ready for some loving. You must prepare for this if you decide to become your partner’s keyholder. Because this is what usually happens.

After you lock him and he spends two or three days wearing the chastity device, he will probably start asking you to unlock him. If you refuse, he may become a little cool toward you. Over the next few days, he may grow steadily whinier until his begging to be unlocked will become intolerable. That won’t be much fun for you or him. If you take pity on him, unlock him, and let him out every third or fourth day to take care of himself, it may seem fine. But the whole chastity thing will be a bit of a letdown for you. If you’ve ever read or heard about all the benefits a woman should expect from keeping her man in chastity, you will wonder what everyone is raving about. That’s why you can’t fall into this trap.

If you agree to become your partner’s keyholder, before you snap the lock shut, stress to him chastity might be a game, but it’s a serious game with rules and you will make the rules. Tell him you will take chastity seriously because that’s what he says he wants. And if he shows he isn’t serious by begging for you to unlock him, getting whiny, complaining about feeling miserable, or indulging in other inappropriate behaviors, you will unlock him and forbid him to bring up chastity to you ever again.

He needs to understand you intend to take control, you’re serious, and you won’t take any crap. Do that and you can successfully guide him to the almost magical place that some call the “Goldilocks Phase.” Men reach that phase after about 7 to 10 days, where ever growing arousal and ever-intensifying desire produces sweet, pleasurable sensations that seem as if they will never end. This is where you want your locked partner spending his time, because this phase lasting 21 to 30 days is when chastity will benefit you and him the most.

Today an abundance of resources exist that explain everything you need to know about male chastity and keyholding. Here are three books I recommend, all written by women, that will teach you everything you need to know. I’ve provided Amazon links, but you can find these books at most major bookstores.

A Keyholder’s Handbook by Georgia Ivey Green

Tips & Tricks for Keyholders by Georgia Ivey Green

Practical FLR: Lessons for a Female Led Relationship by J. M. Scott

Both of the books by Georgia Ivey Green focus directly on male chastity and keyholding. If you subscribe to Kindle Unlimited, you can even read both books free, as they are included in your membership. The book by J. M. Scott has only one chapter devoted specifically to male chastity, but in the book you will find a wealth of information about taking control of your relationship. Frankly, when you’re controlling a man’s orgasms, you’re controlling the man. And J. M. Scott will teach you how to do that most effectively.

The internet also has a wealth of information about male chastity and keyholding available for free. Unfortunately, a lot of it is wrong, worthless information based more on chastity fantasy than chastity reality. But a few great resources exist. I try to write posts that women and keyholders will find helpful regularly. But there are two other blogs that I highly recommend to women new to chastity and keyholding. Since women curate both blogs, the content comes from a woman’s point of view.

Evolving Your Man

My Boy in Chastity

Emma, who curates Evolving Your Man, keeps her husband Kevin in chastity and has for many years. She is a dedicated researcher and writes interesting and authoritative posts on a variety of chastity and sexuality topics. The woman who publishes My Boy in Chastity details her experiences of guiding her husband’s chastity from the day he first asked her to lock him up and take control until the present. After a hiatus, she began posting again this year. On this blog, the most recent posts appear first. I recommend scrolling all the way to the beginning to start. That way you get the story from beginning to end.

So your husband wants you to lock his penis in a chastity device and you need answers. Hopefully, this post has helped you by answering a few and pointed you to other great resources you will find helpful.

Remember You Don't Have to Become Someone You're Not

Taking part in your partner’s chastity journey doesn’t mean you have to change. You don’t have to become some corset and stiletto-boots wearing dominatrix, or an amateur sex worker. Just be yourself and create your own style.

It doesn’t have to become a time suck and your life needn’t revolve around your significant other’s desire for chastity. You don’t have to be an expert at sexual teasing or spend loads of time learning how to become one. Some teasing is required to keep your husband’s arousal peaking, but there are plenty of simple ways to do that which don’t require a lot of time. I’ll do another post on that topic soon.

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How Not to Explain Male Chastity to Your Wife or Girlfriend

By Chaste on Friday, February 19, 2021

And a Few Tips on How to Do it Right

I’ve come across a good many websites offering advice to a guy on how to explain male chastity to his wife or girlfriend when he feels the time is right to bring up the subject and ask his partner to lock his penis in a chastity device.

The thing is, these websites are invariably written by men who seem not to understand that women with their intuitive nature will see right through these flimsy, ill-conceived strategies to win them over. Using many of the suggestions I’ve seen could doom your conversation to fail. Rather than win your partner over to the idea of chastity, you might only provoke a heated argument. Let’s have a look at some of the suggestions you should avoid using.

1. Wearing a chastity device will make me more attentive to your needs.

Guess how 99.9% of women will respond to this. “Why must I lock your cock in a chastity cage for you be more attentive to my needs? Why aren’t you already more attentive to my needs?”

Having an inattentive partner who only gives them his full attention when he wants sex is one of the top complaints on most every woman’s list of her partner’s shortcomings. That makes this first suggestion a potential land mine and a very bad idea. You’re admitting you aren’t nearly attentive enough to her needs while telling her if she gives you something you want, then you will work on the deficiency. A woman will see this for what it is immediately, a quid pro quo offer where the something you’re offering is something she should already be getting.

Sure, it’s true. If she locks up your cock, you will very likley be far more attentive to her needs. But don’t even go there. This argument will not help your cause.

2. Wearing a chastity device will make me more affectionate and loving and I'll desire you even more.

Here again is a statement that is probably true. It is an expected effect of chastity and orgasm denial. But, again, we are firmly in the territory of something you realize you have been remiss about, but you will only be motivated to improve if your wife or girlfriend gives you something you want. Is it really a good idea to use this argument with your partner? No, it is not.

3. Wearing a chastity device will make me less likely to look at other women and less tempted to cheat.

Seriously? Is there a guy who would really say this to his wife or girlfriend? Would it really sway a woman towards the idea of putting her man in chastity if he tells her he would stop looking lustfully at other women and less likley to have an affair. I don’t think so. And, trust me on this. She knows you look lustfully at other women and it bothers her. It isn’t a topic you should bring up while trying to persuade to her to agree to something you want. Similarly, telling her a hunk of steel or plastic dangling between your legs is all that might prevent you from cheating on her one day isn’t a good strategy.

4. If you lock me in chastity, I'll be more helpful around the house.

The female response? “Why aren’t you already helping around the house? Why must I continually nag you every time I ask you to do the smallest chore?” Enough said.

5. I'll do things for you like giving you a massage, brushing your hair, and giving you the best oral sex ever.

Do you really want her to ask why you don’t already occasionally do some of those lovely things for her? Because she will if you use this argument.

Factually, all of the things listed above are benefits your wife can reasonably expect that chastity and orgasm denial will give her. The problem is, they are all benefits she already has every right to expect from you and is probably not seeing often enough to suit her. That’s what makes them all bad arguments to use.

Understanding the Perspective of Your Wife or Girlfriend

As men, I sometimes believe we don’t truly understand how big an ask it is when we tell our significant others we have chastity desires and request they enforce our chastity. What often happens when we bring up the subject is they respond with something like,” Well, I see how this is going to benefit you. But what about me? What do I get out of it?”

That’s a perfectly reasonable response and so it’s something you must be ready for. But you have to be smart about describing how you being in chastity is going to benefit her. To do that, you must put yourself in your wife or girlfriend’s shoes.

I’m not suggesting you try to con your partner or try to manipulate her into getting on board with your chastity idea. You should be honest, but should present the benefits in a way where she clearly sees how putting you in chastity will benefit her.

Things to Say That Are More Aligned With Your Partner's Perspective

(1) Admit your shortcomings and explain that you want and need to learn how to serve your wife or girlfriend better in order to make her life easier and happier. Then explain you believe chastity can help you do that because it will remove the focus from your needs so you can learn to be the kind of husband or boyfriend she truly deserves.

(2) Admit that during sex in the past, you have come to understand you were too focused on getting the experience you wanted and not focusing enough on her needs and desires in the bedroom. Explain you want to learn how to better focus on what she wants to make her sex life more enjoyable and fulfilling. Add that wearing a chastity cage removes you from the equation which will help you learn to focus all your energy on her pleasure and desires during intimacy, and that her pleasure will become your pleasure.

(3) Admit that you have selfishly wasted too much energy on masturbation and wearing a chastity device will help you learn to reserve your energy for higher purposes, such as pleasing her.

(4) Tell her that having her enforce your chastity means you will receive guidance and constructive criticism from her about how to perform daily tasks and doing your fair share around the house which will reduce the burden of household chores for her. Tell her you welcome her assigning you chores she wants you to do.

These suggestions may seem similar to the five arguments listed previously that I advise against using. But here is the difference. What the first five strategies were really about was a man who wants something for him and his fetish and he’s disguising his desires and his needs as benefits for his wife. The last four suggestions are a more honest approach that clearly spell out the benefits the hoped for future keyholder can expect.

I can’t stress this enough. Once you have made the decision to share your chastity desires with your wife or partner, and have gathered the courage to initiate the conversation, honesty is the best policy. It’s perfectly fine to explain that you have been fascinated by the thought of wearing a chastity device for a while. You can even share some of your fantasies with her if you wish, as long as they aren’t fantasies she might find threatening or taboo. But mostly, you want to focus on how chastity will benefit her and the relationship.

Other Things to Avoid

One thing to keep in mind is your choice of words when raising the subject of your chastity desires. The words you choose to use will have a big impact on her receptiveness to the idea. Unless you and your significant other are already involved significantly in kink, avoid words like domination, submission, discipline, punishment, and slave. These are all terms that a woman who is largely in the vanilla camp when it comes to intimacy might find off-putting.

As you speak to her about chastity, don’t be forceful. Don’t push the idea of keyholding on her. And after you’ve said your piece, give her plenty of time to consider all you’ve said and to do her own research if she wants. Give her the opportunity to make up her own mind about your desires and the future of chastity in the relationship. That’s the only way she will ever develop a sense of ownership about her role as the keyholder.

Don’t tell her about your mental image of your ideal Dominatrix, or favorite submission scenario. She may not be able to relate such things to your relationship with her.

Don't Bring Up Other Kinky Fantasies Now

Sometimes guys have other sexual desires that they feel go hand in hand with chastity. One example is forced feminization. I’d recommend you don’t tell her you want to explore the sissy life when you first bring up the subject of enforced chastity because that is probably already going to be enough for your wife or partner to get her head around. The other things you may have in mind should wait until later. I’m all for honesty and transparency, but there is also such a thing as too much information.

Overall, agreeing to enforcing your chastity and acting as your keyholder must be your partner’s decision and not one she makes only to please you instead of something she really wants. That’s the only way chastity can be successfully introduced into your relationship.

In 2021, I am committed to posting more informative articles aimed at women whose husbands or boyfriends have brought up adding chastity to their relationships. That’s the focus of the next post.

male chasity guides

Know Thyself Before Having the Chastity Talk With Your Partner

By Chaste on Wednesday, February 17, 2021

7 Questions You Should Ask Yourself and Answer Before Having the Chastity Talk With Your Partner

To Know Thyself is the Beginning of Wisdom

Before you can expect your wife or girlfriend to understand your chastity desires, you must first understand them yourself. This may seem obvious, but the truth is too many guys are drawn more to the fantasy of enforced chastity than to the reality of it. They spend little if any real time reflecting on and coming to grips with their desires before bringing up chastity with their partners and asking them to lock them up.

You should be able to articulate responses to questions like those I’ll suggest in a moment before bringing up your chastity desires with your significant other because she may pose questions just like them in an attempt to understand why you want her to lock up your cock.

Asking yourself the questions below can help you clearly define your own chastity desires and needs which will better prepare you for discussing chastity with your partner.

To get the real benefit from these question, you must be brutally honest with yourself and willing to separate fantasy from reality. Think carefully about each question and give yourself time to fully answer each one.

1. Why do I want to be locked in chastity?

The desire to be dominated by a woman is one of the most common male sexual fantasies. That’s one reason why the idea of male chastity resonates so strongly with so many of us. And that’s why it’s so important to understand the difference between your fantasy desires and the practical realities of chastity before discussing your desires with your partner.

There’s nothing wrong with having sexual fantasies, but understanding how much of your desire for chastity is based on sexual fantasy can help you understand whether your fantasies are realistic.

2. What do I expect chastity to do for me?

Once you’ve seperated fantasy from reality, think about your expectations for chastity. Do you expect chastity will make you a better husband or partner by making you more loving and attentive? Is chastity a means of curbing masturbation which seems to have grown excessive? Do you have a wandering eye and chastity seems a good way to ensure that you remain faithful in your relationship?

There are no wrong answers here. It’s just good to know what your expectations are.

3. What is the maximum length of time I want to be locked up at a stretch?

Is chastity only something new and very exciting you want to add to your sexual repertoire and extends only to the bedroom? Or do you want it to encompass every day situations outside the bedroom?

Don’t make the mistake of telling your wife or girlfriend you want her lock you up and throw away the key when all you really want is to spend a few hours during the weekend with your cock locked before sex to spice things up in the bedroom.

4. Do I want to be dominated and subservient to my keyholder?

Do you desire only to submit sexually to your partner or do you want her to actually dominate you? Or do you want her to take charge in other ways and become the primary decision maker in your relationship. Do you want to serve her in other ways beyond the sexual?

This is important because unless your wife or girlfriend has an inner dominatrix itching to get out, dominance may not be her nature. People often confuse assertiveness with dominance and they aren’t they same thing. Almost every woman I’ve been in relationships was assertive, some of them extremely so. But none were dominant.

If your partner isn’t dominant, you won’t be able to teach her to become dominant, and she won’t be able to learn to be dominant from reading books. You can’t make someone into something they aren’t, not to mention your partner may have no desire to be dominant in the first place. If you’re expecting that, you are probably setting yourself up for disappointment. That doesn’t mean a woman who isn’t dominant can’t be an effective keyholder. It only means she may not be able to meet your needs for dominance in other areas.

5. Do I have a submissive nature?

If your partner has a dominant nature or is intrigued with the idea of exploring dominance to find out if she has a dominant bent, you must ask yourself if you have a submissive nature. If not, after your fantasies have been sated you may grow increasingly resentful of your partner’s exercise of dominance over you.

Not every guy who wants his partner to lock up his cock is submissive. A guy who isn’t might like playing the dominant-submissive game for awhile, but may tire of it quickly once the rubber meets the road and his partner takes charge and starts saying no when he feels desperate for sexual release.

6. Do I want to use chastity to spice things up in the bedroom, or do I want it to become a way of life?

You should have some idea about the answer to this question at the start. It doesn’t mean a guy who only wants to be locked up for short periods of time at the beginning won’t discover later that he wants permanent chastity. But unless you’re sure permanent chastity is what you want, never tell your partner it is.

If your wife or girlfriend agrees to lock you in a chastity device, she will soon start to see positive changes in you that benefit her and the relationship. Imagine the crushing disappointment she will feel when just as she starts seeing and appreciating the benefits of male chastity you tell her you’ve discovered it isn’t what you want after all.

Unless you know for sure, permanent or at least long-term chastity is what you want, make sure you ask only for a trial period when you do have the chastity talk with your partner.

7. In what situations do I most want to be locked up? Are there occasions I won't want to be locked up?

Do you only want to wear a cock cage when at home or all the time? Are there times you won’t want to wear a cage like when on vacations, or when you go to the gym, as two examples? Some women take to male chastity quickly once they start seeing the benefits.

Once your partner agrees to lock you up, she may have different ideas about how often and when she wants you caged that differ from your ideas.

Who Needs Frustration and Disappointment?

This isn’t an exhaustive list of questions, but looking deep inside yourself and answering these seven basic questions will go a long way toward having male chastity meet your expectations. That can keep a dive into chastity from disappointing you or your partner.

Guys must understand something. Unless your partner has a sexually adventurous side or kink is already part of the relationship, when you first bring up the subject of male chastity and orgasm denial, your wife or girlfriend is going to be surprised. She might even be shocked when you tell her of your intense desires and willingness to turn your sexual fantasies into reality. She may even be disgusted by the whole idea. In the world of most vanilla women, male chastity is not “normal” and her mind will likely scream, “No! NOT interested!”

But after some thought, and a few persuasive tactics from you, she may agree, at least to a trial. She might put aside all of her preconceived notions about cock cages and orgasm denial, and give it the old college try. Then she starts noticing some positive improvements in your day-to-day behavior, not to mention a spiced up sex life. She actually starts seeing some serious potential in this male chastity thing. “Hey, this could be a lot of fun. He’s much more attentive and nice to be around when he’s craving an orgasm.” She quickly makes the connection between your behavior and how badly you want to orgasm. You are willing to do anything to please her. Thanks to chastity, you’ve become the most perfect partner a girl could ever dream of or want.

Then reality rears its ugly head. You realize that chastity and being unable to orgasm as often as you were accustomed to leaves you feeling deprived. You start thinking the whole chastity thing is not really what you thought it would be. When you communicate that to your partner, she is legitimately frustrated. You wanted to play this weird chastity game and she gave it an honest effort. Now, just when she was beginning to really like all of the benefits chastity was bringing to the relationship, you don’t want to play any more. Imagine her frustration.

In summary, be sure about what you want, need, and expect from chastity before you ever bring in up. Like Socrates famously said, “To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” If you don’t answer questions like those I’ve proposed in advance, dipping your toe into male chastity can become an unmitigated disaster which may send shock waves throughout your entire relationship. In my experience, that situation is best avoided.

Next post, I’ll talk about what NOT to say when having the chastity talk with your significant other and asking your wife or girlfriend to lock up your cock.

male chastity device reviews

Mature Metal Jail Bird Chastity Device Review

By Chaste on Monday, February 15, 2021

After over two weeks of wear, I’m ready to offer my Mature Metal Jail Bird Chastity Device review.

This is the first of the four promised chastity device reviews, one each quarter, during 2021.

Back when I ordered Mature Metal’s Watchful Mistress, my first custom-made cage, the Jail Bird was what I really wanted. However, my permanent keyholder at the time preferred the aesthetics of the Watchful Mistress, so that’s the device we ordered. Now, I’ve finally had the chance to the try the Jail Bird on for size and here is the verdict.

First Impressions

Right out of the box, the clean, simple lines of the Jail Bird impressed me and I found it another example of the quality craftsmanship I expect from Mature Metal.

Having a good deal more experience since ordering my first Mature Metal steel chastity device, I found the Jail Bird a perfect fit from the base ring to the cage length to the internal diameter.

Putting it on for the first time, I loved the sleek, polished stainless steel design that combines an impressive look with comfort and security.

Jail Bird Device Specs

Here are the design specifications for the Jail Bird I ordered.

Base Ring Diameter: 1-3/4 in.

Base Ring Shape: Round

Cage Length: 1-1/4 in.

Internal Diameter: 1-3/8 in.

Gap Setting: 3/8-in.

Color: Silver

Material: Polished surgical-grade stainless steel

Country of Origin: USA (Texas)

Locking Device: Abus padlock

Jail Bird Sizing Options

All Mature Metal chastity devices are custom-made to your exact specifications so options exist for every sizing specification I shared above. Here are the options.

Base Ring Diameter: 1-1/4 in. through 3 in. available at 1/8-in. increments.

Base Ring Shape: Round or Oval

Cage Length: 1-1/4 in. through 5 in. available at 1/4-in. increments.

Internal Diameter: 1-in. through 2-in. available at 1/8-inch increments.

Gap Setting: 1/4-in., 3/8-in., or 1/2-in.

Locking Device: Abus padlock or security screw.

Other Options

On longer cages (2-in. lengths and above), at an additional cost you can get one ($80) or two ($160) extra cage rings. Here is an image of the Jail Bird with one extra cage ring.

For an additional charge of $80 you can get a double base ring instead of the single base ring that comes with the cage.

If you aren’t sure of your exact base ring size, you can order additional single base rings for $55 each.

Finally, for those into punishment pins, Mature Metal has them available in sets of three in blunt, spike, and criss-cross designs for an additional cost of $80. You can get three of the same type or mix and match.

Color Options

None—It’s polished stainless steel, baby!

How Comfortable is the Jail Bird?

The Jail Bird is one of the most comfortable steel cages I’ve ever worn. It’s a little lighter in weight than my Mature Metal Watchful Mistress and a little heavier than my Amicus. As much as I love the feather-light Amicus, I like the tiny bit of extra heft of the Jail Bird and the cage is just as comfortable to wear.

The 1-3/8 in. ID cage fits my penis like a glove with skin and steel touching all around. The 1-1/4 in. cage length I ordered is perfect and the tip of my peen always stays in contact with the bars at the end of the cage.

The stainless steel bars are very rigid and don’t flex or pinch.

Overall, the Jail Bird is super comfortable and feels solid and secure.

How Secure is the Jail Bird?

When it comes to security, you will always get my standard disclaimer. No ball-trap chastity device is inescapable unless combined with a PA piercing. If you want out of it bad enough, you can likely find a way to free yourself. That said, the Jail Bird is every bit as secure as any other well designed, quality made steel chastity cage. If you’re serious about male chastity you won’t be looking for ways to escape from this device and can be sure it isn’t going to fall off on its own.

How Discrete is the Jail Bird?

The Jail Bird is plenty discrete with a very low profile that is easy to hide under clothing. I had no noticeable chastity bump wearing it beneath any of the clothing I usually wear. It’s a device you can easily wear to work or about town without feeling self-conscious if you’re worried about someone noticing your cock is locked.

How Hygienic is the Nano?

The Jail Bird’s open-style cage design means it shines when it comes to the ease of keeping its contents clean. My handheld shower head does the job making it virtually unnecessary for me to ever take the device off simply for hygienic reasons.

As with most chastity devices, urination can be hit or miss. I generally sit to pee to err on the side of caution. But at home, I’ve found I can stand and pee without any issues as long as I first make sure that my urethral opening is properly lined up with the crossbars at the end of the cage.

Cost of the Jail Bird

The base price of the Jail Bird comes in at $320.00. If you choose to go with an Abus padlock, that adds $8.95 to the price. Those who prefer a security screw will add $65.00 to base price. For most of us that’s not cheap and purchasing a device like the Jail Bird represents an investment. That said, you’re getting a quality crafted, custom made device that will serve you well as long as you own it and I think the Jail Bird is worth every penny.

Actually the Jail Bird is one of the least expensive custom-fitted, steel chastity devices on the market. In addition, if you don’t get your measurements exactly right, like all Mature Metal devices, you can return it to them for adjustments which they will make at a reasonable price. The only thing they can’t adjust is the internal diameter of the cage so you must make sure you get that measurement right.

Conclusion and Recommendation

Without reservation, I recommend the Jail Bird to any guy looking for a well made, comfortable, and secure stainless steel chastity device. It’s nothing fancy, but gets the job done and is light years ahead of any off the shelf, mass manufactured steel device out there when it comes to quality, appearance, and comfort. The fact that year after year, the Jail Bird remains Mature Metal’s most popular chastity device says much about how satisfied their customers are with it. It’s as comfortable to wear as steel chastity devices get and available in sizes to fit most any guy who wants the heft and security of a steel cock cage.

Mature Metal Jail Bird Review Summary

Look for the next chastity device review that will be coming sometime between April and June.

chastity device wear

February 2021 Chastity Question of the Month

By Chaste on Wednesday, February 10, 2021

From time to time, I receive questions from readers, especially about chastity device fitting issues. I thought I’d start answering questions in a post that might benefit others having similar issues. Here is the February 2021 Chastity Question of the Month.

The Question

“Hello! I’m on my 2nd cage. I’m between sizes (45 slips out, 40mm too tight and chafes), so I’ve got a 42mm 3d printed cage. Ring passes finger test, and cage is 3/4-in shorter than my measurements. However, the base ring still rubs a lot, and causes me to take it off after 3-5 days. I’ve tried Vaseline and aquaphor 4ish times a day, still seems to happen. Any advice on what could be causing it? I’ve got a 3D printed cage and I sanded down the base ring so it’s very smooth.”

Since I don’t know the specific cage the reader is wearing, I have to give an answer here that is pretty generic.

The Surface of 3D-Printed Cage Can be Abrasive

First, let’s talk about 3D-printed cages. Since I have one, I am familiar with a common issue. 3D-printed cages tend to have rough surfaces. It’s not quite like sandpaper, but the base rings can feel that way on your tender bits and will cause chafing and discomfort. In this case, the reader told me he was aware of that potential issue and sanded down the base ring until it was smooth. So, we can eliminate that as the cause of the chafing and discomfort that forces him to take the device off after 3-5 days of wear. Still, the need to sand down a 3D-printed base ring is something some guys may not know about it, so that’s why I covered it here.

Base Ring Considerations

Getting the base ring size right shouldn’t be that difficult. You take an accurate measurement of the distance around the base of your penis and behind your balls, and that’s the size you should get. But many guys, including me in my early days, have had problems choosing the right size base ring. Like many others, I did not trust the measurements when I first got into wearing chastity devices.

In my case, I had ball slippage issues with the first couple of cages I tried. Intuitively, it seemed going to a smaller base ring was the answer to the problem. But it wasn’t. Going smaller sometimes solved the ball slippage problem, but wearing a too-small ring invariably causes chafing and discomfort. It took a lot of trial and error for me to get that through my head.

Here, the reader says he feels he is “between sizes” and feels the 45mm ring is too large because he has the slippage issue. He tried a 40mm ring, which he found was too tight. Then he went to a 42mm with a 3D-printed cage. I have to wonder if 45mm was the size his measurements called for, but he abandoned it because of the slippage problem. My guess is the problem here is not a base ring sizing issue.

Again, through much trial and error, I discovered that it usually results from an incorrect gap when you have ball slippage problems. The gap is the distance between the base ring and the cage once you mate the two pieces together. I also learned that you could wear a base ring that’s too large without much of a problem as long as the gap is right.

The Pesky Gap

First, there is no way to measure your junk and to get an accurate gap measurement. Custom manufacturers will tell you that. If you choose an off-the-shelf device, it doesn’t matter anyway because the manufacturer sets the gap measurement, and it is what it is. That’s why you can sometimes wear one off the shelf, mass-manufactured cage, but another one won’t work.

I have tried a few inexpensive off the shelf steel devices where I could make a slight adjustment to the gap. But I’ve broken more than one device trying to do that.

Most custom cage manufacturers, including some of the 3D-printed cage manufacturers, can customize the gap for you. But since there is no way to measure the gap, it’s still largely a trial and error proposition. Still, with a custom device, at least with steel cages, you can send the cage back and have the gap adjusted later if needed.

Mature Metal recommends ordering a 3/8-inch gap because they say that works for ninety-percent of their customers. I agree and took their advice when I ordered my first Mature Metal cage and found 3/8-inch works for me. The gap measurement is determined by what type of scrotum you have. Guys with a high and tight scrotum might need to move up to a 1/2-inch gap. Those with loose scrotums where the testicles dangle might need to choose a 1/4-inch gap. But 3/8-inch is the average. With a 1/2-inch gap, I always have ball slippage issues. I tried a 1/4-inch gap once, and it felt like the base ring was ripping my balls off. Now let’s talk about how the gap comes into play.

Scrotums are Weird

You’ve probably noticed your scrotum and balls are in a constant state of flux. There is a reason for that. Sperm does best in an environment where the temperature is slightly less than our normal body temperature. That’s why our testicles hang outside the body in the fleshy sack called the scrotum.

Muscles in the scrotum move the testicles closer or farther away from the body to keep the temperature optimum for sperm production and survival. That’s why when you finish a hard run and you’re hot and sweaty, you notice your scrotum is soft, and your balls hang a little more than usual. When you spend time outside in the cold, the opposite thing happens. Your scrotum skin is firm and tight, and your balls are up close to the base of your penis.

The effects mentioned above happen whether you’re wearing a ball-trapping chastity device or not. When your scrotum pulls your balls up close to the base of your cock against a chastity device base ring, it can feel uncomfortable, at times even when you’ve nailed proper sizing.

The Cremaster Muscle

The cremaster muscle, a pelvic muscle found only in males, covers the testicles. It’s the primary muscle that moves and lowers the testicles to control the temperature that promotes healthy and motile sperm. The cremaster muscle is incredibly strong. When the muscle starts pulling your balls upwards, and you’re wearing a ball-trapping chastity device with a base ring, you know it.

Even with a cage that generally feels comfortable, you may experience short periods of discomfort when the cremaster is doing its thing. When this happens, if you check out your balls, you will find your scrotum feels tight and hard compared to how it feels at other times during the day.

The cremaster muscle also causes the ball slippage problems when you wear a chastity device with a gap size that is too wide. Similarly, if the gap size is too narrow, the cremaster muscle is the cause of the rather intense pain you may feel when the muscle is drawing your balls tightly against a base ring.

If the gap is too wide, when the muscle pulls your balls tightly into the gap, a testicle can flatten out just enough to escape from the base ring into the gap. Sometimes you know when it happens because there is a flash of pain. Other times you may only realize it happened when you become aware that things feel a bit off with the cage. You drop your pants and check and discover one of your testicles has escaped the base ring. Usually, it’s the one that tends to hang a little higher than the other.

My Advice to the Reader

Here is my advice to the reader who submitted the original question. If you’re sure you’ve sanded down the 3D-printed base ring where it is completely smooth, then you’re having the chafing and discomfort because the 42mm ring is too small. I would remeasure for the base ring and make sure you get an accurate measurement. Then take a look at the gap.

While we can’t accurately measure our package to determine gap width, you can assemble the device and measure the gap that has been set. Also, many manufacturers include the gap setting in their specs. My guess is, in your case, the gap is too wide, and that’s why you had a slippage problem while wearing the 45mm ring, not because the ring was too large.

If the 45mm ring was comfortable to wear, didn’t cause chafing and discomfort, and conforms to your actual base ring measurement, I’d go back to that and address the gap issue. I don’t know what specific device you’re wearing, but some 3D-print device makers can adjust the gap setting by providing a different base ring. If the company that made your device can’t do that, then, unfortunately, you may have to go to a different device.

The key takeaway is that a base ring should never feel overly uncomfortable and shouldn’t cause chafing or pain from friction after more than three to five days. Your skin usually toughens enough to acclimate to wearing a base ring in that amount of time when you’ve used lubricant. Being unable to continue wearing a device for more than a few days because of discomfort indicates something is off with the sizing. In this case, I feel certain your problems stem from incorrect gap sizing and not from the base ring.

Hope that answered your question.

Month: February 2021