As I looked at the cage this morning, especially the circle of hard steel surrounding my balls and shaft, I found myself feeling a bit like Frodo Baggins.
“I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.”
Well, I wish it only a little.
I’ve been horny as fuck for the past two days. My balls feel heavy and full. I’m desperate to come. Penis-centric thinking has returned with a vengeance.
Maybe, just maybe, I was attracted to chastity, believing it was about being locked until I was as horny as possible, followed by eventual release and a mind-blowing orgasm. Maybe it was all about having some really hot fantasies turned into reality. Slowly but surely, I’m beginning to realize that kind of mindset is the very antithesis of what male chastity is about. It’s not about us. It’s about our keyholders.
When I woke up this morning, I’d completed my second forty-eight consecutive hours locked. Today begins the second week with LJ. I don’t know what she has planned for me, but last night she made a cryptic comment that leads me to believe I may be experiencing something new today. What I haven’t a clue.
We had a nice long chat last evening before bed, a talk that had little to do with chastity and cock cages. It was more a conversation about normal, everyday things of life. Somehow, it made me feel closer to her like we are truly beginning to bond as two human beings. I like that feeling. I like the feeling of attraction for LJ that is beginning.
Being completely new to chastity, I didn’t really know what this would be like. I’m sure I thought there would be a lot of teasing to go along with the denial. But, at least so far, there hasn’t been any teasing at all.
During the times I’ve been unlocked, I’ve only been prohibited from playing with or even touching my dick beyond what is necessary for washing and showering. There have been no requirements to edge, no instructions to torment me with a vibrator or other toys. There has just been the experience of being locked and denied. LJ always gives me a small assignment to perform each morning, but never anything sexual. The assignments seemed aimed at reminding me I’m locked for LJ, that my penis is now her property, and that it gives her pleasure to have that control.
The thing is, I’m okay with all of it. I’m okay with being taught that I’ve spent a lifetime thinking with my penis, and it’s time to rewire the circuits in the reptilian part of my brain produced over millions of years of evolution. Sure, a part of me wishes LJ would unlock me and allow me to at least enjoy a full-blown erection even if she didn’t permit me to come. But, there is another part growing inside me that doesn’t want to be unlocked and given release.
As good as an orgasm would feel, and I have no doubt it would feel amazing, the satisfaction would be fleeting. A part of me would feel guilty for being selfish instead of focusing on LJ and what gives her pleasure. Perhaps I should instead be grateful that LJ hasn’t been subjecting me to intense teasing, which would only make me hornier than I already am and make me suffer all the more.
On another note regarding the ring, I actually found a vendor I can source a second base ring from for the device I’m currently wearing. It’s a cheap, made in China device that came with only one ring. It’s the 40mm ring I couldn’t get on when I first tried but managed to squeeze into when The Jailhouse device failed.
The 40mm ring has worked, but it’s a little tighter than it needs to be. I can get the tip of a finger between the ring and the skin, barely. I haven’t had any temperature or color issues. I just think a 45mm ring would be more comfortable. So, I ordered one.
After another inspection and thinking about it, I don’t think The Jailhouse failed to keep my balls trapped so much because of the ring size. I think it had more to do with the gap between the ring and cage being too wide. The fact the ring was multi-part and had some play in it didn’t help matters either.
I’m looking forward to getting the 45mm ring and seeing if it feels a bit more comfortable. But, it won’t arrive until mid-January. I’ll have to make do with the 40mm ring a couple more weeks. I end today with another quote from the Fellowship of the Ring.
“Embrace the power of the ring or embrace your own destruction!”
That’s more like it. The attitude I need to continue to cultivate.