male chastity Archives - Cut to the Chaste

Prepping for Locktober

By Chaste on Wednesday, September 20, 2023

Only twelve days remain before the start of the holy month of Locktober, the crown jewel of male chastity. In less than two weeks, determined (or forced) penis owning humans everywhere hope to be on their metal as they face the annual 31-day crucible that will reveal whether they possess the classical virtue of fortitude — or not. Whoever takes part in Locktober this year, I will certainly be among them.

As Locktober draws nigh, I’ve felt increasingly anxious about what Lucie has planned. Not that I’ve doubted for a moment that we would take part in Locktober. My concern was more about whether she had any plan to unlock me and allow me a release before October 1. After all, by month’s end, she will have kept me locked for 88 days and orgasm free for 154 days, all while subjecting me to intense teasing that at times has bordered on cruelty. Just when I had girded myself last Sunday to broach the subject, Lucie brought it up first.

After telling me she had been thinking about Locktober and was much looking forward to our first Locktober together, she informed me she had a prepping for Locktober plan to ease us into it. Lucie then said she was replacing our current teasing and denial program with a new ten to fourteen day prepping program, during which she would give me two chances to earn a release. So far, so good. But then she crushed my hopes by adding this caution.

“But it is very possible that you will fail both opportunities. Then you would have to go into Locktober without a release.”

When she first mentioned giving me two opportunities to earn a release, I admit to feeling suspicious. That’s because after four months, I have learned well how her devious mind works. Munificence is not among Lucie’s many endearing attributes. Of course, that isn’t her fault. She is a proper sadist and what sadist is a sadist who misses any opportunity to deal out mental cruelty to her chastity slave? So, I strongly suspect Lucie has some trick up her sleeve that guarantees I’ll fail whatever opportunities for release she offers. And, of course, she didn’t offer any details about the “opportunities.” As Lucie is fond of reminding me:

“Locked boys needn’t spend their time worrying about the things over which they have no control.”

So, since the weekend we have embarked on her new diabolical teasing and denial plan that is even more intense than what we had already been doing for about the past nine weeks. So far it has featured more intense edging sessions and a stronger focus on erotic humiliation.

Not that I don’t admire and appreciate Lucie’s seemingly inexhaustible creativity, but it doesn’t feel like we’re easing into anything, much less Locktober. I could be wrong, but I’ve already accepted I’m probably going into Locktober with no unlock and no orgasm. But, hey. No one ever said life is fair, right?

Accordingly, I have made my mental preparations for Locktober as well as they can be made. If I must endure another 31 days of enforced chastity after this month’s close, so be it. I once heard this stoic line in a movie that I liked.

“One may stare into the light until one becomes the light.”

Perhaps I can use that bit of moral relativism to get through Locktober without a release. It represents a common observation of Nietzsche and others that we become like that we fight against, since we must do so in order to survive. I suppose that is just as true for denial.

Well wishes to all who are prepping for Locktober.

male chastity sexuality

Eating Your Cum

By Chaste on Wednesday, September 13, 2023

Whether they will admit it, I suspect most men have at least tasted their semen after ejaculating, if only to satisfy their curiosity. I admit I have. But eating your cum, whether voluntarily or because a dominant partner makes you, is a whole other level. A post by a dominant woman I follow on Twitter got me to thinking about this and prompted this post. How do you feel about eating your cum?

The first line of a Twitter post by a dominant woman (@PracticalFLR) I follow immediately caught my attention.

“Always Make Him Eat His Cum!”

Of course, I clicked on the “Show more” link to read the entire post to learn more about her perspective. I’m reposting the entire post here for the convenience of readers who don’t use Twitter (now known as X). Here is what she had to say.

“One great rule in a #FLR is mandatory cum eating.

It’s really not even meant to be an option.

There’s really no excuse not to eat it. It’s polite.

But there’s more to it than just that. There’s multiple reasons on why he should be eating his cum, without being told.

The main reason is because it helps him develop the submissive mindset beyond sexuality.

When he is always submissive, and horny, he ties submission to being horny. So naturally when he gets off, his submission will drop off and he will want a break from submission.

In a FLR there are no breaks from submission that she doesn’t agree to. So it’s unacceptable for him to not be in the mood to submit, just because he had a full release orgasm.

This actually makes full release orgasms something to fear, and avoid, which isn’t very ideal. You don’t want to be afraid of certain acts just because it might cause his submission to drop.

Instead, it’s time to train him to be submissive, whether he’s horny or not. Whether it’s sexual or not.

The moment he cums, any ideas and appeal of eating his cum he entertained only moments before, are completely gone. The idea of eating it now is a turn off, and maybe even gross.

This is the perfect opportunity.

It’s the perfect time for him to demonstrate his submission to her, and reinforce the submissive mindset in his non-horny mind.

It’s time to make him eat his cum. Not quickly either. Slowly. Make him wait a few seconds between each lick.

If it was collected in a glass, [make him] sip it slowly, and let the taste infiltrate his entire mouth.

He doesn’t get to just slurp it up and gone, that’s too easy. No, he must savor it, and understand he will be eating it from now on, every time, every last drop.

This will maintain his submissive mindset through a full release orgasm, and will train his non-horny mind that he’s still owned by her. That submission to her is not optional.

It’s also a sign of respect for her, to do it without being told, to demonstrate that he knows his place, and will respectfully clean up his own mess, as a sign of gratitude, so she doesn’t have to do it.

It’s the polite, submissive thing to do.

There are other benefits of this as well, since cum is full of vitamins and minerals, it’s a complete and total waste to not eat it. It’s healthy, and it replenishes the nutrition lost in cumming.

It should be mandatory, and non-negotiable. Every time. The bigger the load, the better.

Always make him eat it.”

─PracticalFLR. “Always Make Him Eat His Cum!” X (Formerly known as Twitter), September 2, 2023. Accessed September 13, 2023.

Wow! There’s lots to unpack here. Eating my semen is not something I have ever wanted to do. Not to say I haven’t done it. I have.

The very first keyholder I had was evidently a kindred spirit of the woman who made the above post. During the time we were together, she allowed me two orgasms and both times, she made me scoop and eat my semen. So, I’m not just speculating that I don’t want to do it. From experience, I know I don’t want to do it.

Nothing about eating my cum appeals to me. I’ve never liked anything in my mouth that has a slimy consistency and I do not like either the taste or odor of semen. I find it repulsive. And, just so we’re clear that I’m not a hypocrite. Never have I ever asked any woman who has given me a blow job to swallow. A few have voluntarily, but I never asked them to do it.

I don’t even like blow jobs particularly. It takes forever for me to cum that way and the longer it goes on, the more sensitive my glands feel until soon it feels more like I’m enduring it rather than enjoying it. I’ve always loved giving oral to women I’ve had sex with, and that’s what feels most natural to me, perhaps because of my submissiveness. Having a woman give me oral never feels comfortable, especially when I suspect she intends to continue to the bitter end.

Still, I must admit that everything @PracticalFLR wrote makes sense and I can’t disagree with anything she said. While I have little experience with female led relationships, I think her view on men eating their semen after ejaculation applies just as well to any F/m power exchange relationship, including keyholding relationships.

“So naturally when he gets off, his submission will drop off and he will want a break from submission.”

I know from experience this statement is true. Naturally, when a guy has an orgasm and ejaculates, his arousal drops to near zero. And I’ve learned the intensity of my submissive feelings rise and falls with the intensity of my arousal. In the past, when Lucie has allowed me to cum, afterward, I’ve felt sexually satiated and not very submissive until I started feeling horny again.

“The moment he cums, any ideas and appeal of eating his cum he entertained only moments before, are completely gone. The idea of eating it now is a turn off, and maybe even gross.”

I also know from experience this is true. When my very first keyholder made me eat my cum after the first orgasm she allowed, it caught me by surprise. She hadn’t mentioned making me do it until after I came and ejaculated. But I expected it the second time she allowed me to orgasm. And while I was building up to the orgasm, the idea of eating my cum seemed appealing and expecting it made me even hornier. But the moment I ejaculated, the appeal of eating my semen vanished and having to do it was an enormous turn off and definitely gross. I even felt queasy by the time I finished it. I’ve since had similar experiences while masturbating, where I planned to man up and eat it when I finished. But after finishing, I could never make myself do it.

“This will maintain his submissive mindset through a full release orgasm, and will train his non-horny mind that he’s still owned by her.”

This statement is something I’ve never even thought about before and what most prompted me to write this post today. While I have no experience to base it on, I can imagine how this might also be true. I can imagine how being made to eat your cum every time could condition you to continue feeling intensely submissive, even when post-ejaculation you no longer felt horny at all. After all, humans are animals and are just as susceptible to classical conditioning as Pavlov’s dogs were.

I know this to be true because I once used classical conditioning to train a woman I dated to orgasm after only a little stimulation whenever I spoke the five-word phrase I used to condition her. It worked almost too well. Months after we ended our relationship, she was still having trouble reaching orgasm, whether with a partner or with masturbation in the phrase’s absence. She believed I had “broken” her, but thankfully she eventually regained her ability to orgasm normally. So, no reason a guy couldn’t be conditioned this way. And who knows? Perhaps in time he might even learn to love eating his cum, knowing it was simply another way to show his respect and gratitude to his dominant partner.

“There are other benefits of this as well, since cum is full of vitamins and minerals, it’s a complete and total waste to not eat it. It’s healthy, and it replenishes the nutrition lost in cumming.”

I admit I felt a little skeptical about this claim and decided to fact check it. But, according to the WebMD website, this claim is mostly true.

“Semen is a complex substance created by the male reproductive organs. The fluid is made mostly of water, plasma, and mucus (a lubricating substance). It also contains 5 to 25 calories, and is made up of small amounts of essential nutrients, including:

Calcium
Citrate
Fructose
Glucose
Lactic Acid
Magnesium
Potassium
Protein
Zinc

Semen is full of vitamins and minerals, many of the essential nutrients that we need in our daily diet.”

But, according to WebMD, semen isn’t a good nutritional source due to the small amount of semen produced in one ejaculation. So, I suppose we must rule out good health as a motivating factor for consuming it. Maybe choose a good multivitamin here instead.

So far, Lucie has not broached the subject of cum eating. In the past, when she has felt I have earned a release, once she has unlocked me, she has left me to my own devices for the period of unlocked time until locking me again. She has had no direct involvement in my orgasms. But based on our recent conversations, I know this will change with the next unlock when she will take an active role in my orgasms. So, while it is still not something I want to do, I can imagine the subject of cum eating might come up (no pun intended).

If Lucie requires it, then I will, of course, do it, like it or not. However, while I can’t disagree with @PracticalFLR that it’s a sign of respect for your dominant partner to eat your cum without being told, I’m not planning to even bring up the subject with Lucie, much less do it voluntarily. I’m happy to wait patiently to see whether it is something Lucie makes a part of our dynamic. After all, isn’t patience an important submissive virtue too?

male chastity

Does Wanting Chastity Mean You Are Submissive?

By Chaste on Wednesday, September 13, 2023

Recently, I’ve posted a lot about submission. That’s because Lucie has shown a unique ability to access and exploit the sexually submissive side of my nature. Having spent much of my life denying the existence of that part of me, it amazes me to see how easily Lucie has persuaded me to not only accept but embrace being a submissive man. That explains why I’ve written about it so much lately, the amazement. I’m writing about submission again today, but taking a different tack. Does wanting chastity mean you are submissive? Nope. Not at all.

Chastity need not involve D/s or even kink, for that matter. Some guys want for a myriad of different reasons to wear a locked chastity device to which someone else controls the key to the lock simply because they desire having someone else to control their penis and access to sexual pleasure. Putting on a chastity cage and handing over the key to someone else is something we might consider a submissive act, but it doesn’t necessarily make a guy submissive.

The reason I chose to discuss this today is that I don’t want anyone to think that chastity and wearing chastity devices is only something submissive men do. That’s for two reasons. Such an understanding might prevent guys who know they aren’t submissive from trying chastity and I’ve come to believe every guy should try it even though some will decide chastity just isn’t for them. Just as important, I don’t want women who don’t feel attracted to submissive men to get turned off by the idea of chastity because they think it will transform their manly, masculine husband or boyfriend into a milquetoast, servile male who longs to wear a French maid outfit.

Assuming all submissive men are timid, weak, insipid, and effeminate is of course subscribing to an untrue stereotype. Yes, such men exist, but I believe they are the exception, not the rule. I also think dividing the entire population of men into alphas and betas is a gross oversimplification. I believe masculinity is a continuum where we could put the so-called alpha males on one end and betas on the other and where most men would fall somewhere on the line between those extremes.

Using me as an example, I’m no beta male. I’m not shy, timid, or effeminate even when I’m feeling the most submissive to Lucie. I’ve always gravitated to dominant roles and professions in everyday life and have often held leadership positions. I’ve served in two branches of the armed forces, applied for and got selected to officer candidate school, served as a commissioned military officer, completed several of the military’s hero schools and have the patches and tabs to prove it.

Like many guys I’ve known, I’m a sexual submissive, not submissive in a general sense. I don’t feel less masculine when submitting to a strong, dominant woman like Lucie. And I am not submissive to every dominant woman. I won’t be feminized, and no one, including Lucie, could ever persuade me to become a sissy maid. Just like I said about masculinity earlier, I think submission is also a continuum. I’m neither the most submissive nor least submissive guy on the planet. I fall somewhere on a line between those extremes.

If you’re a woman whose husband or partner has admitted he wants to wear a chastity device and for you to be his keyholder and maybe feel it means he isn’t the manly man you thought he was, no worries. My advice is to have a serious discussion until you feel you understand his motivations and then decide whether it is something you are able and willing to take part in. For guys who feel sure they don’t have a submissive bone in their body, you shouldn’t dismiss the idea of trying chastity if you feel curious about it. You don’t have to become something you’re not, and you might learn something about yourself you don’t know if you try it.

Since discovering my submissive nature under Lucie’s guidance, I’ve felt no discomfort or shame about it. And after weeks and now months of being locked for Lucie, I’ve learned it amplifies my submissive feelings. In my case, I feel the submissive piece has only enhanced the chastity experience. But we’re all unique individuals who respond to chastity differently. The takeaway is, just wanting chastity does not mean you are submissive. But if you are submissive, you will probably find chastity even more meaningful and enjoyable.

enforced male chastity

Is Male Chastity Just Plain Old Orgasm Denial?

By Chaste on Thursday, July 6, 2023

Is male chastity just plain old orgasm denial? Sometimes people who blog about male chastity, even those who are among the most experienced get things so wrong and I feel compelled to disagree.

Recently, I read posts from two different guys who blog about male chastity that I follow. Both said pretty much the same thing, and I feel compelled to go on the record here saying I disagree with what they both wrote.

I’m not throwing shade. I’m not naming names because that isn’t important. What is important is pointing out wrong thinking and why it’s wrong. I have tremendous respect for both guys who have practiced chastity a lot longer than I have and consider them both mentors of sorts even though I’ve never actually met either of them. But sometimes you can do a thing so long that you start to think you know way more about it than anyone else and anyone who doesn’t see the thing as you do is just wrong. Sorry, that kind of attitude is what’s wrong.

Do you know why I practice chastity by wearing a cage on my dick and why I find it so meaningful? I doubt that you do, even if you visit this blog regularly and the statistics Google makes available to me show this blog gets a lot of repeat visitors. So, what makes one person believe they can tell another person they don’t even know that chastity means only one thing and that applies universally. I’m more than certain these two guys know what chastity means to them. They should since they have been doing it as long as they have. But knowing what a thing means to you and looking at it through the lens you do, isn’t anything close to being some universal truth that applies to everyone else.

In the same way, I understand how I look at chastity, how I practice it, and why I practice it doesn’t apply to anyone but little old me. It would never occur to me to claim otherwise. Now, let’s delve into a few of those things I disagree with.

A Guy in Chastity Can’t Call Himself Chaste

Drilling down to the technical factual bedrock, the universally accepted definition of “chaste” is “abstaining from sexual intercourse.” Some who practice chastity for moral or religious reasons expand the definition to also include abstaining from masturbation. I have been pussy-free and proud since the end of my last relationship, which not uncoincidentally pretty much corresponds with when I first dipped a toe into the calming waters of male chastity. And for the lion’s share of time that I’ve worn cock cages, I have also abstained from masturbation. So, if I’m not chaste, just what they hell would you call it?

Without getting into the weeds on this issue, depending on whose opinion you subscribe to, there are now somewhere between 72 and 81 genders. And in the Western society we now inhabit, an individual can simply choose to identify as any gender that makes them feel most comfortable about their own body, that most closely aligns with how they perceive their sexuality, or that they feel most accurately meets their personal definition of gender nirvana. So, you’re going to tell me a guy in chastity can’t call himself chaste? Seriously? On what grounds and whose authority? That’s just fucking silly.

Being chaste isn’t like being a virgin. Once you lose your virginity, it’s gone, baby, gone. You aren’t getting that shit back. But you can be chaste whenever you’re abstaining from sexual intercourse and for some, masturbation, even if it’s only for a day or two or even a few hours. Chaste is freaking chaste. If you get laid or decide to wank and then later you get back into chastity and again abstain from sex, then you’re right back in the state of chasteness. You can enter it, leave it, return to it, whenever you wish. It’s nothing like getting your cherry popped.

It’s the Orgasm Denial Stupid

The second thing I read and disagreed with is we shouldn’t even use terms like chastity device or enforced male chastity because that isn’t the point of letting someone lock up your dick. The point is the orgasm denial, which enforces the power dynamic in a relationship that doesn’t allow the wearer to get pleasure from his penis. You aren’t chaste and you aren’t practicing chastity. I readily see how that’s how some guys see it. That a cock cage is just a tool used to enforce orgasm denial and it’s really the denial that powers the dynamic.

You can’t minimize the importance of the orgasm denial piece because without it, you likely couldn’t get a guy to wear a chastity cage even if you put a gun to his head. It’s the denial that produces all those touchy, feely hormone cocktails that make chastity pleasurable and that produces the bone crushing frustration that locked guys experience at times. But to use an analogy, denial is only the fuel, not the vehicle. The chastity device and the practice of chastity is the damn car and denial is only what powers it and makes it go. You don’t need a chastity device or even need to practice chastity mindfully in order to experience orgasm denial. Female doms were subjecting me to orgasm denial long before the first mass-produced crude chastity cages appeared on the scene. Spoiler alert. Denial works and feels exactly the same without a cage.

Those who see orgasm denial as the only point to wearing a chastity cage see the practice mostly as just another kink. Nothing wrong with that. But demanding everyone accept your perspective is simply ridiculous.

Enforced Chastity Doesn’t Exist

The last statement I’ll disagree with is the notion that enforced chastity doesn’t exist. Say what? The argument given is no one is actually forcing you to stay locked. You could remove the device even without the key anytime you wished, even if you had to use tools and destroy it. It isn’t enforced chastity because you have agreed to have your dick locked in a cage and at any time, you could just demand to be unlocked and say you didn’t want to play anymore. If all that is true, which it fucking isn’t, then what would be the point of having a keyholder? Why not just lock and unlock yourself whenever the mood struck. I guarantee you will get pretty much the same effects from orgasm denial if you’re self-locked as you get from someone else locking you and holding the keys.

Of course, this is and must be a consensual deal. If some random woman, a stranger, walked up to me and asked to lock my dick in a chastity cage, as a sentient being I’d probably politely decline. Probably. You sort of need to know a little about a person before you transfer that kind of power to them. So, yeah, you are only locked when you consent to it. But once you’ve reached an agreement with a keyholder and you’re locked, it gets real. You aren’t in control anymore, the keyholder is and they are damn well enforcing your chastity. Sure, you could cut the thing off or maybe even just find a way to slip it off and you could tell the keyholder you don’t want to play anymore. But as long as the game is afoot, you my friend are serving a stint in enforced chastity.

There were several other silly statements made in those blog posts I could take to task, but I won’t. I think I’ve made my point. You’re experiences and motivations are not my experiences and motivations. And neither are they likely anyone else’s experiences or motivations. So, take a step back and don’t try to tell me the “true meaning” of chastity, according to you. It only makes you look foolish. And, I will extend the same courtesy and won’t press you to accept my opinions as facts, because they’re not.

So, What the Fuck is Chasity About?

That, my friend, is completely up to you. If it’s about orgasm denial for you, that’s terrific. For other guys chastity can be about submission, pain, teasing, or even about bondage. In short, chastity is quite versatile. Chastity is the control of orgasm, and even more specifically, it’s the denial of orgasm. But it’s not just about denial. It’s a freaking perverted buffet.

Chastity requires some mental or emotional commitment. Otherwise, a mere plastic or steel device is never going to stop someone from removing it to gain sexual pleasure. Chastity cages are not magic. No device, even the most expensive meticulously fitted chastity belts are truly inescapable. With the motivation and perhaps a few power tools, a guy determined to escape and willing to destroy the device, if need be, will always escape. Chastity devices are actually more a symbol than anything else. They represent that mental or emotional commitment I spoke of. It’s a way to tell your keyholder you’re serious about chastity and giving up control.

I get far more from chastity, especially enforced chastity, than just the experience of orgasm control. If that’s all I wanted, I wouldn’t waste money on chastity devices. I love the submission to Lucie. I love the power exchange dynamic. And yes, I love how the denial provokes the production and circulation in my brain all those amazing chemicals that produce such pleasurable feelings. The truth is, ejaculation has never been my favorite part of sex or masturbation. What I love are those moments right before ejaculation. That’s the pleasure I crave, where I feel like I’m standing on a mountain peak at the edge of an abyss. And chastity helps me go there over and over again with no pesky refractory periods. Lucie can take me there whenever it strikes her fancy and it always strikes mine.

Chastity is about what it is about to you. Never let someone tell you what you should think it’s about or what you should believe it means. You’re an adult human. Think for yourself.

honor chastity

Honor Chastity

By Chaste on Friday, June 16, 2023

It bears mentioning that enforced chastity does not require wearing a chastity device. I should know since Lucie sometimes decrees it.

Can you be chaste without a chastity device? Yes. Yes, you can. It’s called honor chastity, or “on your honor” chastity. Honor chastity is the lowest level but the most accessible form of chastity.

Alternatively, doing chastity by wearing a cock cage, we term physical device chastity. It’s even possible to get the same euphoric dopamine-fueled experience with honor chastity, since orgasm denial is orgasm denial whether or not a chastity device is in play. Kinky people were doing orgasm denial play long before reasonably priced chastity devices became widely available and popular.

Why Honor Chastity?

As I shared previously, Lucie sometimes imposes honor chastity on me. I finished another three days unlocked yesterday before she locked me again. As I’ve explained, Lucie feels it is healthier to spend time unlocked, but that’s not the only reason she doesn’t keep me locked all the time. The terms do not change when I’m unlocked. I’m still kept in denial and prohibited from touching “her” cock and balls more than is necessary for me to soap up while showering or bathing. She also prohibits me from touching myself anywhere else for pleasure unless she tells me to do so.

Lucie also believes practicing chastity without the assist of a chastity device to physically prevent the wearer from getting full erections, masturbating, and having orgasms is a truer show of devotion and submission. She considers honor chastity a greater achievement, since the chastity submissive must depend solely on willpower and devotion to the key holder to avoid cheating. Lucie has told me that since she is serious about strict chastity that she dislikes keyholding for those who wear a chastity device only for fun or as the means to enact their own selfish fantasies. She expects her chastity subs to focus on her, not on themselves.

Lucie isn’t the only one. I know other dominant women in female-led relationships who impose orgasm control and denial on their submissive partners, who do not allow their subs to wear cock cages ever. They reject the use of chastity devices for similar reasons. They expect their subs not to masturbate or orgasm without permission out of simple obedience.

I agree with Lucie. It feels like more of an achievement when I obey her rules and submit to her control without the aid of a chastity device. And I have grown to appreciate the periods of honor chastity even though I prefer to wear a device all the time since I view wearing a device as a tangible sign of my submission, obedience, and devotion to Lucie. But she makes the rules.

You might enjoy this interesting article from a blog I follow that describes honor chastity within the female-led relationship dynamic.

Here it’s more about orgasm control and denial used to make sure the dominant woman is always sexually satisfied. Still, it is a form of honor chastity since the submissive can’t masturbate, have sex, or orgasm without his female dominant’s permission. And her submissive partner gets no choice. Wearing a chastity device isn’t an option for him. He must reply on willpower and his devotion to his partner.

But Isn't Honor Chastity Hard?

When faced with battling the fires in our loins, it can feel like our brain has only a limited ability to keep saying “no.” We feel like we exhaust that ability very quickly. Saying no to your sex drive can be like saying no to that extra slice of pie at dinner or to continuing to binge watch that show you love watching on Netflix when you know you really should turn it off and mow the lawn or clean the garage. Honor chastity can feel like going on a restrictive diet or keeping a New Year’s resolution to go to the gym. Does anyone enjoy that?

Evolution hasn’t wired us to say no to our male sexual urges. Instead, it has programmed us to get gratification by ejaculating whenever we feel horny, so we can stop thinking about it for a while.

For some, even when they are successful with honor chastity, all that annoying self-discipline and holding back they must do and can never take a break from, can sour the experience. Trying to stay strong and not give in only serves to make them keep thinking about how horny they are and how badly they need relief.

In reality, few guys have the grit needed to give up orgasms for more than a day or two, much less an entire week. A secure chastity cage, assuming you don’t have access to the key or find a way to cheat, does the heavy lifting for you. Yes, honor chastity is harder than physical device chastity. But it is not impossible, and it doesn’t have to feel like pure misery.

If you can’t resist the temptation to cheat, even when you know your spouse, partner, or other keyholder has forbidden masturbation and orgasms without permission, it’s time for a little introspection. Whether you are wearing a chastity device or only doing honor chastity, ask yourself why you’re willing to cheat, even though you probably asked for chastity to begin with. Maybe you’re one of those individuals Lucie dislikes wasting her time on who only wants to wear a chastity device for fun or to enact your own fantasies.

Honor chastity hasn’t felt hard for me. I haven’t felt my willpower crumbling when unlocked for two reasons. First, Lucie has earned my devotion and I want to please her, not disappoint her. Also, even though Lucie is a pro keyholder, our relationship still requires trust. I know who I am and I know I couldn’t hide it from Lucie if I cheated and I couldn’t lie to her. I couldn’t lie, even though I’m sure she would end our agreement if I confessed to cheating because it would destroy the trust we’re building. So, I think honor chastity is doable as long as you want enforced chastity for the right reasons.

Things You Might Miss with Honor Chastity

The experience of being unable to get erections

It’s a total mind fuck when your penis wants to get hard but it can’t. When a cage stops your erection in its tracks, it feels very tight. It feels almost like an erection, but not the kind you’re accustomed to. It’s a unique sensation, and one you might discover is not only frustrating, but also kind of arousing at the same time.

The feel of the ring behind your balls

The vice-like grip of the ring around your balls can feel like your Keyholder or Dominant’s soft but unforgiving grasp of your genitals. It’s a constant reminder of being put in your place, exactly where you should be.

The weight of the device

Especially with stainless steel cages, the feel of the weighty metal throughout the day is another constant reminder of your chastity and devotion to your keyholder.

The inability to feel your cock

Imprisoned inside a cage, you can’t touch your cock or feel anything through your cock. You can grip that cage all day long, but you will never feel that sensation of gripping your bare shaft. It’s almost like your dick isn’t even there. The bonus is, over time, without the constant friction of underwear and masturbation, the skin of your glans gets more and more sensitive. When you are released, you’ll feel every tiny caress.

Feeling the loss of complete control

On of the best aspects of having someone lock your penis in a cock cage is feeling the complete loss of control. You know, within reason, there is nothing you can do to escape. You have no choice and no freedom. It’s the feeling of being conquered. At the same time, it feels strangely exciting, relaxing, and even calming.

So, yeah. Honor chastity isn’t the same as device assisted chastity. But I’ve discovered it has its benefits too. As an example, when I’m unlocked and denied, I feel Lucie’s control and the reality of the power exchange even more vividly than when I’m locked. Still, I’m feeling happy this first day of the second half of Chastity 90, locked securely once again by Lucie in my Cobra N.

chastity keyholders male chastity

Caged Boys Behaving Badly

By Chaste on Wednesday, May 17, 2023

Caged boys behaving badly. What’s the key holder to do?

It’s been a while since I’ve written a post aimed specifically at key holders. So, today I’m going to do that after reading a post on another chastity site about a woman who had contacted the blogger for advice. After agreeing to lock her husband and to become his key holder, her caged boy was misbehaving, and she felt unsure what to do about it. This is a common issue, especially for those new to chastity and the responsibilities of being a key holder. So, let’s talk about it.

But I Gave Him What He Asked For

The circumstance of the woman asking for advice mentioned in the blog post I read was this. Her husband had recently come to her with a request that had shocked her. He explained he wanted her to lock his penis in a strange little plastic device and to not only take complete control over their sex life, but his access to all sexual release. She explained his request not only caught her completely off guard, but confused her. This was the same man who had complained for years they didn’t have enough sex.

The woman’s husband had pointed her to a few websites and reluctantly she agreed to research chastity and to then decide if she would incorporate it into their relationship.

The information on the websites her husband recommended and a few she found on her own extolled the benefits for wives and partners, who locked their men in chastity devices and took charge of the keys. She admitted she suspected the motivation behind her husband’s request for chastity was only his desire to add a kinky sex game to their relationship. But the benefits had sounded good, if maybe a little good to be true. Nevertheless, a few days after his request, she agreed to try chastity and soon locked him in a chastity device.

She thought that was the end of the matter, believing the whole idea of the chastity cage was to lock her husband in it until she decided to take it off. It seemed simple. However, as it had turned out, in practice, there was far more to it than that.

Her husband was happy as a clam for the first few days, although he had been a little grumpy by the end of the second day. But by about the fourth day, he became much more attentive and went out of his way to make her feel special. But by the end of the first week, he became moody, complaining, and even a little resentful. Not only that, he talked incessantly about chastity and how it made him feel and then asked her to look at some other websites that explained about the teasing that was supposed to go with the denial.

After looking at the websites that talked about teasing and denial, she realized her husband hadn’t fully explained what he expected from chastity but only what he had believed would convince her to agree to locking him in the chastity device. And while she had agreed to that, she hadn’t agreed to become her husband’s live in dominatrix. Why wasn’t he satisfied with the wearing the stupid cage? Hadn’t she given him what he asked for?

Understanding the Locked Male's Perspective

First, let’s look at the male perspective when a guy is locked in a chastity device. I think it helps a key holder to know what is going on in his head, although that doesn’t obligate her to do anything unless she wishes. Later, I’ll offer some tips about what to do with caged boys behaving badly.

When a guy wears a chastity device, his focus is on that cage constantly. at all times. Wearing the locked device impacts him in multiple ways besides just stifling his erections and denying him orgasms. Even if it’s a plastic device, it still has weight to it and produces compression of his penis. It forces him to sit rather than stand to urinate. It makes him feel self-conscious about whether others notice the device beneath his clothing. Often the ring and cage or tube chafes his tender bits at least a little. The device forces him to alter his gait a little when walking and may make it uncomfortable for him to sit as he has been accustomed to. It can alter his sleeping habits. In short, to him, wearing a chastity device produces the feeling he is enduring something, suffering something for your benefit and sacrificing a most basic freedom, access to his penis. He is physically and mentally aware of these feelings day and night.

For you, the key holder, you lock the lock and get on with your life. There is nothing to make you aware of your man’s suffering. Your daily routine doesn’t undergo any changes. For you, there are no constant physical reminders of the chastity. For you, nothing changes except that he is no longer bargaining with you or pestering you for sex all the time.

The suffering is part of the allure of the male chastity fantasies. He suffers while his key holder blithely goes about their day. The key holder gains all the freedom, and the locked boy gets all the suffering and sexual frustration that accompanies denial. In reality, he may want to suffer for you and may even find it arousing. But he wants assurance he isn’t alone in the dynamic. He needs to feel your involvement. That you, his key holder, are aware of his suffering and intentionally making him suffer for you. He doesn’t just want the denial. He wants to know you are deliberately denying him.

The locked male is constantly feeling the burdens of the device and continually focused on them, but naturally, the key holder doesn’t and isn’t. That creates a disconnect. He wants you to be aware of what he is enduring so that you will not only recognize the power the device gives you, but will leverage it to exploit the helplessness he feels. That’s one reason he craves the teasing. Teasing gives him assurance you are aware of the extent of his plight and the sacrifices he is making for you. Teasing also heightens his desire and arousal and that helps mute the sexual frustration and can make his suffering feel fulfilling and worthwhile.

In the absence of teasing, he feels even more compelled to share how chastity makes him feel, especially when not asked. He feels a great need to emphasize his sexual frustration and highlight his suffering to encourage you to show physically or verbally how much you enjoy his suffering for your sake. That’s because such will continue to drive his arousal and he craves that.

Now that we’ve covered the mindset of your locked boy, what should you do when he misbehaves?

Addressing Misbehavior

Caged boys behaving badly can range from sharing his thoughts about chastity and how he is suffering incessantly to being annoyingly cranky, moody, or downright passive aggressive to complaining you aren’t providing the teasing he craves and needs to guilt you into giving him what he wants.

First, if you haven’t already done so, borrow and repurpose the first rule of the Fight Club from the movie of the same name. Tell your locked male: “The first rule of chastity is you do not talk about chastity,” (unless you wish to bring it up). The only exception should be health and safety issues such as the device is causing him actual pain or impairing blood circulation.

If he becomes moody or grumpy or acts out in a passive-aggressive behavior, do two things. Remind him he asked for chastity and you were kind enough to provide it. Then tell him to get a grip and to stop obsessing over the device and acting so needy. Warn him if he doesn’t get himself under control, consequences will follow.

Asking (bordering on demanding) for teasing, whining about how he feels so sexually frustrated, and begging you to unlock him and allow him relief, should not be tolerated. Never allow him to pressure you to play the game by giving him what he wants. The cold hard truth is you do not owe him anything sexually. He asked for chastity and you generously gave it, even though you may have never found it interesting or desirable to begin with. Demand he stop whining and complaining or consequences will follow.

But what if he persists despite your efforts to correct his misbehavior? Then, it becomes time for the nuclear option. Unlock him and suspend the use of the chastity device indefinitely. Tell him you will not play the game if he refuses to exhibit the self-discipline you require. Most guys will respond to that if chastity is something they truly want and will correct their behavior. If not, it still solves the problem for the key holder, who will no longer have to deal with the misbehavior.

A Word About Locked and Forgotten

As much sympathy as I feel for key holders with caged boys behaving badly, it’s only fair to close by addressing the phenomena known as “locked and forgotten.” That’s when a key holder locks her man and considers it job done, providing no teasing whatsoever. For periods locked in a chastity device for more than about a week at a time, locked and forgotten, is actual cruelty.

Orgasm denial produces real mental and physical responses. Sexual frustration builds and soon becomes unpleasant and difficult to cope with. It can even cause bouts of depression. Teasing produces what is called the dopamine effect and, in turn, that causes the production of a cocktail of “feel good” chemicals that makes heightened sexual desire feel so pleasurable that it mutes sexual frustration to an extent. That’s one reason guys in chastity crave and actually need sexual teasing.

As a key holder, if you know you are not willing or prepared to provide teasing, it’s best to limit locking your man in chastity for brief periods only. Teasing is a must for extended time wearing a chastity device. You have no obligation to provide teasing unless you want to do it, but consider it if you choose to lock your guy for more than a week at a time. That’s basic fairness. And it needn’t require a huge investment of your time. A little teasing can go a long way and there are plenty of simple techniques to use that don’t involve dressing in latex and stilettos or wielding a riding crop.

chastity 90 challenge

Join Me for the Chastity 90 Challenge on May 1

By Chaste on Tuesday, April 25, 2023

Join me for the Chastity 90 challenge. My current streak of 24/7 chastity will end on April 27, 2023, at 877 days. I will remain unlocked for 72 hours, April 28-30, 2023. Here’s why. I want the Chasity 90 challenge to be distinct ninety days period to show solidarity with those who join me in the challenge.

It's Been A Minute

Except for the fifteen or twenty minutes that I’ve spent periodically to clean my body and chastity device thoroughly, I have worn a chastity device 24/7 since December 1, 2020. I didn’t set out then to prove anything. The truth be told, the longer I have remained chaste, the easier I’ve found it to remain chaste.

Frankly, I now prefer to wear a chastity device every day and every night over not wearing one. Even when I unlock for cleaning, it feels weird to me having the device removed and I’m always eager to put it back on. I don’t have a keyholder except for those occasions when I’ve engaged a pro keyholder, so I do chastity for me, not for a partner. I’m sure having a partner to share chastity with is far more rewarding than what I experience. Yet I get so many benefits from remaining locked and semen retention that I have permanently embraced the chastity life. I say all this to say that I’ll find it more than a little uncomfortable to remain unlocked for seventy-hours. But even if only one other person joins me in the Chastity 90 challenge, I want them to feel supported knowing someone else is going through each day with them as a distinct ninety-day period.

Honestly, since I’ve observed permanent chastity, the past two Locktober events haven’t challenged me. They have been just another month of doing something I already willingly did every other day of the year. That’s why I want this ninety-day challenge to be a distinct period where I’ll do seventy-two hours unlocked both at the beginning and the end.

Spoiler Alert

As you probably surmised from the image accompanying this post, I’ll be wearing the Holy Trainer Nub V5 for the Chasity 90 challenge. Holy Trainer got my new device to me amazingly fast. When I ordered it, they stated I’d receive it via UPS within 2-3 business days. I admit I wasn’t sure I believed that. After all, they manufacturer the devices in Switzerland. But they delivered. I ordered the device last Thursday, received notice last Friday morning that they had shipped it, and I received it early yesterday afternoon. I assume the company must have drop ship arrangements here in the United States to deliver so quickly for the modest shipping cost of $7.95.

I will soon post a complete review of the HT Nub V5 with a comparison to my Nub V4, but I’ll wear the V5 for a while before I do that. What I will say now is I absolutely love this device. It

isn’t difficult to put on and wear the V4, but the new locking device on this model makes it even easier to put on the V5.

As much as I’ve always preferred the heft of a stainless device chastity cage, I’m learning to love the comfort of these almost unnoticeable plastic resin devices.

I dropped one size with the base ring with the V5. While I’ve mastered measuring for chastity devices that fit correctly, I always follow specific advice manufacturers provide for their devices. The Holy Trainer base ring sizing instructions are a little different from those other device manufacturers give. Rather than telling you to measure and then order a ring size based on the measurement, Holy Trainer gives length in inches ranges to point you to the proper size. My measurement around my scrotum and penis base is almost exactly 7 inches. The company recommends their 55mm (2.14 inches) base ring for measurements between 6.42 and 7.03 inches. While that is considerably larger than the base ring size I wear comfortably with all my custom-made stainless steel devices, I took their advice and ordered the 55mm ring with my V4. I think the larger base ring size is warranted, especially with the Nub, because of the way the penis tub presses deeply between your testicles. And the 55mm ring worked for me as I had no ball slippage issues. Yet the ring always felt a little larger than I needed. So, with the V5 I ordered the 50mm ring (for measurements between 5.83 to 6.41 inches and I like it so much better. It felt slightly tight when I put it on for the first time and felt that way until I went to bed last night. But since I woke up this morning, it has felt great, and the device stays tight against my abdomen perfectly. So, I think I’ve got the right device to get me through Chastity 90 and I know I’ll be eager to put it back on and lock up on May 1.

Hope You Will Join Me for the Challenge

If you’ve done Locktober a few times and have always thought about doing a longer period in chastity, Chastity 90 is your opportunity. As I explained in the post about the challenge, there is no set start date. You can begin the challenge anytime that works for you. But it would be great to have others joining me at the starting line on May 1 and the finish line at midnight, July 29. If you haven’t read the rules of the challenge, there is no requirement that you wear a chastity device every day or even any day. You must only abstain from all masturbation, orgasms, and ejaculation for the ninety days. You may attempt the challenge on good old willpower alone if you wish, or wear a chastity device for all or part of the challenge. It’s your call. I prefer to remain locked for the entire period, but of course, I’m accustomed to wearing a device 24/7.

I’m planning to post at least a couple of times before May 1, explaining a little about aspects of the challenge requirements. So, please check back in a day or two for more information.

male chasity devices

Have We Reached the End of Interesting New Chastity Device Designs?

By Chaste on Saturday, April 22, 2023

There was a once popular meme with text that read, “Congratulations. You have now reached the End of the Internet.” Today, I’m wondering, have we reached the end of interesting new chastity device designs? Say it isn’t so!

The Dearth of New Chastity Device Designs

It’s been a while since I’ve posted a chastity device review. But it hasn’t been because of a lack of interest. At least monthly, I scour the webs for interesting new chastity device designs, looking for something intriguing enough to buy and review. But for months, it’s been the same old story. I got nothing. Maybe the proverbial well has finally run dry of ideas for creating new chastity device designs. I could be wrong, but I think the 3D-printed Cobra device by Kink3D was the last noteworthy new design, and it has been out for a long while now. Long enough, in fact, that other manufacturers have copied it to death.

Yes, I get it. There is really only one way to attach a chastity device to the human male genitals without the aid of a PA piercing. That alone is a significant creative barrier in designing new devices. Sure, there are full chastity belts. And while I briefly flirted with the idea of trying one of those, after researching them, I lost interest. They are far more complicated to measure for and require a great deal more maintenance than your standard ball-trap device. And if you gain or lose significant weight, a pricey belt may no longer fit.

Of course, there are plenty of existing device styles I haven’t tried. But I don’t buy and review devices simply because they have some cosmetic differences to those I’ve already tried. After all, I have plenty of custom-made, well crafted devices gathering dust in a drawer that fit me and are comfortable to wear without adding a device to my rather extensive collection that I know I’d likely never wear again. So, unless I spot a device I know I’ll probably put some mileage on if it fits well and feels comfortable to wear long-term, I won’t buy it.

As one example, I’ve never had the slightest interest in trying a Cellmate. I can’t imagine they are comfortable at all. Frankly, they look to me like one of those combination lock boxes realtors hang on the doorknobs of houses they have listed. Those devices with a tube that feature a metal cast lion’s head with gaping jaws and teeth and the end hold no attraction for me. I shudder to think what might happen to the tip of a penis in one of those things in the event of a nocturnal erection. And the pink micro chastity devices with molded vulva lips as a cage do nothing for me.

There are a handful of devices that have been out for a long time, made by quality manufacturers, and that have large followings. But for one reason or another, the devices have never intrigued me enough to persuade me to buy them. So, yeah. Maybe we have reached the end of interesting new devices until someone thinks up a new and superior method of attaching a chastity device to the body, what we have is what we get. Frankly, I’m surprised some enterprising plastic surgeon hasn’t invented a method of surgically attaching a chastity device. After all, body modification seems all the rage now.

What's a Chastity Device Reviewer to Do?

Around the end of March, I was considering buying a KINK3D device to wear test and review. I have reviewed several Cobra counterfeits, but haven’t tried the genuine article. And, it seems only fair to the company to at least test drive the real deal. But about the same time, it occurred to me I hadn’t worn my Holy Trainer Nub in a long while. So, I put it on April 1 and immediately remembered why it is one of my favorite devices and one of the most comfortable I’ve ever worn. Like some of my favorite custom made devices, the Nub is so comfortable I sometimes find my hand inside my underwear, making sure it is still there.

There is a lot to love about the Holy Trainer Nub. At least I think so. I like shorter cages because I like the tip of my penis to always be in contact with the end of the cage. And the Nub performs perfectly in that regard. In fact, my meatus (urethral opening) protrudes slightly beyond the generous urination port of the Nub, looking like tiny labia majora. This makes it possible to urinate while standing with little risk of spraying urine all over the place. I easily hit the target every time with no mess. The design of the device lifts the testicles slightly, which means they never accidentally get crushed by the thighs as happens with other devices I’ve worn. Last, the device is just plain comfortable and light as a feather.

Holy Trainer Nub V5

Short story longer, getting reacquainted with the Nub V4 motivated me to pull up the Holy Trainer website to have a look at the new model, the Nub V5. The noticeable difference between the models is the V4 has the traditional Holy Trainer “MagicLocker” while the V5 has a new integrated push-button lock that uses “barrel” keys. I’ve been curious about how that works since the V5 model came out. I have read claims on a few other chastity websites that the V5 has some other minor improvements, but just looking at them on the Holy Trainer site reveals nothing obvious. Anyway, I placed an order for a Nub V5 and expect to receive it early next week. So, I’ll be switching from the V4 to the V5 for a wear test in a few days.

I intend to buy and review a Kink3D Cobra next, for the information of anyone interested. But those devices have been long available and I expect most people interested in them and who want only authentic devices have already got one. So, maybe I’ll only be satisfying my curiosity about how well the knock-offs I’ve tried stack up again the original. But hopefully someone may find a review of the Cobra useful. Meanwhile, look for the Nub V5 review coming soon.

chastity

Chastity 90

By Chaste on Sunday, April 2, 2023

Chastity 90? Lately, I’ve been meditating on what chastity means to me and the progression I’ve undergone since incorporating it into my life. I pondered what seemed most responsible for moving me from mere curiosity to become passionate about practicing chastity to finally adopting chastity as a lifestyle. Reflecting on it, I realized what it was. It was the first time I experienced practicing chastity for 90 days. And that realization motivated me to write this post, because I think it could be something that others might find useful.

Reviewing the Benefits of Chastity

Those who follow this blog or others like it or who have perhaps read one of the many books available on chastity have read about it and the benefits that many claim it offers. As a quick review, the practice of chastity means abstaining from ejaculation or orgasm, either for a certain period or indefinitely.

Many people, from ancient times to the present, have held the basic idea that semen is a precious substance, rich in life force and vital energy. According to this perspective, they view ejaculation as a loss and waste of this energy, which can lead to physical and mental exhaustion, as well as a weakened immune system and decreased vitality. By definition then, chastity involves semen retention. And many claim semen retention offers some important benefits.

Among them:

(1) Increased energy and vitality

(2) Improved focus and concentration

(3) Increased confidence and self-esteem

(4) Enhanced creativity

(5) Improved sexual performance

(6) Improved mental health

Many who have practiced chastity and thus semen retention claim having experienced all these benefits and more. Yes, the reported benefits are based on anecdotal evidence, and it’s important to note that scientific research on the benefits of chastity and semen retention is limited. But the sheer number of people who have reported experiencing these benefits by practicing chastity lend the ring of authenticity to the claims.

I have experienced these benefits while practicing chastity, so I find it easy to believe the similar claims of others that track with my firsthand experiences. But I’ve learned you must spend a lengthy time in chastity to appropriate all the amazing benefits it offers. The first time I spent 90 days in chastity was the first time I experienced all the benefits I listed above significantly.

Why Short-Term Chastity is Not Sufficient

I believe there are benefits available from practicing shorter terms of chastity, but my experiences and the experiences of others I’ve heard about point to something important. While you might experience some benefits or in rare instances, even most of them during a week or a month spent in chastity, you really will have only scratched the surface.

To fully realize all the powerful benefits, I believe spending 90 days in chastity and abstaining from ejaculation is the minimum period necessary to fully experience the benefits. And from there, it only gets better the longer and deeper you go into living a chaste life.

Maybe you’ve only ever managed a few days or a week in chastity. Or perhaps you’ve struggled through a full month either on your own or while participating in Locktober or one of the other month-long chastity events many observe each year. Completing a month in chastity, especially while locked in a chastity device, is a significant accomplishment. And for those who have achieved it, I’m sure they got a taste of all the benefits I’ve mentioned. But I’m just as certain that a month is not nearly long enough to reap the richer, deeper aspects.

Instead of a month-long challenge, why not challenge yourself to spend 90 days in chastity? I’m convinced that those who do that will learn for themselves what chastity is all about and how beneficial it truly is. I’ve found it transformative and I think you can, too.

But Isn’t 90 Days Really Hard?

I found that spending thirty days locked in chastity for the first time was the most difficult thing I’d ever done. In fact, I found it so difficult that had I not been under the supervision of a keyholder, I would have probably given up after the first week.

Since then, I’ve found it gets much easier. The first time I spent 60 days in chastity was easier than the first 30 and then 90 days was easier than 60. And the longer I stayed locked after that, the easier it became. At some point you become so accustomed to it, you rarely think about what it feels like to not be in chastity or to ejaculate whenever you want. If you set your mind to do it, you can make the 90 days.

But Isn’t it Unhealthy to Retain Semen for 90 Days?

For most guys, semen retention in and of itself is not harmful, as it simply involves abstaining from ejaculation or orgasm. This is true, regardless of how long you abstain from ejaculation or orgasm. Semen doesn’t just continue building up. The body breaks the semen down and reabsorbs it, or sometimes, the body may expel semen either by leakage or through nocturnal emissions also called “wet dreams.”

It is important to note that semen retention may not be recommended for individuals with certain medical conditions, such as prostate problems or infections. In these cases, ejaculation can be an important part of maintaining prostate health. But for most of us, lengthy periods of semen retention are not harmful. It’s beneficial.

But I’ve Never Been Able to Wear a Chastity Device for More Than a Few Days

As you may already know, after I wrote and published The 7 Day Chastity Challenge, I conducted a survey to learn about the experiences of individuals who had taken on the challenge. A surprising number reported that they physically could not wear a chastity device for seven full days.

If I had to guess, I’d say for most of them that probably resulted from having a poorly fitted device. Instead of taking careful measurements to get the best fitting device they could afford, I’d bet many either bought a device they thought looked cool or else got something cheap and in either case didn’t fit them well. I made those same mistakes when I first began experimenting with chastity. Since I was only satisfying my curiosity, I wasn’t ready to spend several hundred bucks for a quality, custom fitted device, so I wasted money on three different ill-fitting devices before I found one that worked.

I’d also bet some of those unable to wear a device for a full week simply didn’t find the discomfort worth it and threw in the towel. Accepting even minor irritation and discomfort is more difficult for some than for others.

I still recall what it was like when I first engaged a professional keyholder for chastity training. I had sore spots after the first few days that lasted for almost two weeks, and I experienced some annoying testicular discomfort for at least the first week. Then my body adjusted to having the hunk of stainless steel attached to it, and the soreness and discomfort went away. I was committing to succeeding, mostly because I didn’t want to disappoint my keyholder. So I stuck it out. But some guys lack the commitment and once things get uncomfortable, they choose to quit instead of giving their bodies time to make the adjustment.

Personally, I think it would be rare to find someone without some physical anomaly who couldn’t acclimate to wearing a well-fitted chastity device within one to two weeks with sufficient motivation to succeed. But I could be wrong.

Yes, chastity devices can support the practice of chastity by preventing individuals from engaging in sexual activity or masturbation. Chastity devices prevent erection and orgasm. They represent a physical barrier to giving in to sexual impulses. I’ve found them an invaluable aid. But I also know ball-trap chastity devices are not magic.

Unless combined with a piercing for added security, with enough motivation, I know that all ball-trap devices are escapable while locked. And anyone holding their own keys can simply unlock and remove them whenever they wish.

For me, a chastity device is more a symbol of my commitment to chastity than a failsafe barrier to giving in to my sexual impulses. So, while it requires greater willpower, it’s definitely possible to practice chastity and to refrain from sexual activity and masturbation without wearing a chastity device. I believe I could remain chaste without wearing a device at this point in my journey. But I like the symbol, I like the reminder of my commitment, so I continue wearing a device every day.

Are You Up for a 90-Day Chastity Challenge?

I’m putting the finishing touches on Chastity 90, a challenging 90-day period of abstinence and self-discipline, supported by suggested activities to help you succeed. The 90-day benchmark is not arbitrary, but the minimum number of days I firmly believe is necessary for individuals to reap the full benefit of a time spent in chastity. If you’re interested, watch for the next post where I’ll outline the Chastity 90 Challenge.

locktober male chastity

The Secret to Successfully Adding Male Chastity to Your Relationship Revealed In 7 Simple Rules

By Chaste on Tuesday, October 11, 2022

I suspect many guys are observing this eleventh day of Locktober 2022 solo, or like me, under the supervision of a pro keyholder. Still, I expect there are guys who finally found the courage to approach their wife or partner this year to have the chastity discussion. And a smaller subset of that group persuaded their significant others to add male chastity to their relationship, at least as a trial for the month of October. If that describes you, congratulations. And I hope you will take a few moments to contemplate the secret to successfully adding male chastity to your relationship revealed in 7 simple rules.

A hilarious, satirical forum post I read on Chastity Mansion last evening, “How to get my husband to embrace a Canasta Centric Lifestyle?” by a woman going by the name Ashley Wilson Black is what sparked the idea of this post. Basically, she was poking a little fun at the guys who are forever posting in the forums, asking for advice on how to get their wives or partners to embrace male chastity. She cleverly turned it around to the female perspective, substituting the name of a card game (Canasta) for chastity. Maybe she was a bit harsh it spots, but I definitely got where she was coming from. So, for those lucky guys out there who convinced their wives or partners to explore chastity with them by acting as their key holders, you don’t want to blow it. And here I’m offering some simple rules that might just keep you from doing that.

Rule #1: Balance Reality with the Fantasy

Let’s be honest. At least at the beginning, the urge to satisfy a very common male fantasy motivates a guy’s interest in chastity. They want to spend long periods (just not too long) locked up at the mercy of a cruel, adamantine Mistress who will demand constant sexual pleasure through oral stimulation while he must suffer the pains of denial, unable to even have an erection. It’s the attraction of tease and denial play that most often drives initial interest in chastity, not the practice of chastity itself.

There is nothing wrong with sexual fantasies or seeking to enact them as long as no one gets harmed. But if it’s only fantasy driving it, chastity is likely to turn out massively disappointing both for the chastised male and his key holder. Take your joint foray into chastity with a healthy dose of reality because chances are good, your fantasy is not likely to ever be fully realized. And I can even make an argument for why it shouldn’t. You see, male chastity isn’t about you and your dick. It’s about your key holder and chastity should ALWAYS be female-focused (or partner-focused for those whose tastes may lie elsewhere).

Rule #2: Don’t Try to Mold Your Partner into a Dominatrix

Another question I often see guys post in chastity forums is how they can get their wives or partners to act more dominant. Here again, we see fantasy fulfillment outside the bounds of reality raising its ugly head. How do you get your wife or partner to act more dominant? You probably don’t. Simple as that. Long before I ever tried male chastity, I was heavily involved in the kink community. Yes, I offer only anecdotal evidence, based on my experiences, but I firmly believe that dominants (in the sexual and kink contexts) are born, not made.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t lots of people who can act effectively in the role of a top when so inclined, but here I’m talking about an actual, honest to goodness dominant. If your wife or partner had not a kinky bone in her body before you broached the subject of male chastity and asked her to become your key holder, it’s most unlikely she is going to turn magically into the harsh, implacable Dominatrix of your fantasies. Back during my days in the kink community, when the novel Fifty Shades of Grey came out and interest in BDSM exploded, I can’t even guess how many women asked me a similar question. How can I get my husband (or other significant other) to Dom me? I gave them the same answer. You probably can’t. They may not even be interested in trying, much less be capable of it.

If male chastity is key holder-focused, which it is, you should never try to coerce, persuade, or pester your key holder into becoming something she is not and that might even make her feel hugely uncomfortable. There is a word for that. It’s called manipulation. Just don’t. Manipulation is never okay. Many wives and partners, bless their hearts, agree to incorporate chastity into the relationship and serve as their male partner’s key holder out of loving kindness and genuine caring despite how stupid, unnatural, and useless they actually believe locking up penises really is. So, please don’t repay these wonderful women by telling them how they need to do a better job of fulfilling your fantasies.

Rule #3: Don’t Talk to Your Key Holder About Chasity and Kink Constantly

You know what I hate most about Twitter? It’s the political and social justice activists. They rarely, if ever, post about anything but politics and social justice. They simply don’t grasp that not everyone is obsessed with politics and social justice as they are and that they bore the holy hell out of people like me. In fact, I end up not only hating them but everything they advocate and stand for because it reminds me of them. And they are too self-absorbed and ignorant to understand they do their various causes way more harm than good. I actually view a lot of things negatively today that I once either saw positively or at least had no strong opinion about either way because of the self-appointed, self-styled, in your face activist assholes on Twitter. This is exactly the reason you shouldn’t talk to your partner incessantly about chastity. Trust me. The vast majority of them will never feel as fanatical about it as you do. Chastity is not on her mind or something she wants on her mind all day, every day.

Most of the time, a wife or partner agrees to chastity and to becoming a key holder because they love their penis owning partner and want them to be happy. They see cooperating with the latest kinky thing he picked up on the Internet as just another relationship cross they must bear. Secretly, they hope the chastity cage will turn out massively uncomfortable if not outright painful, and that their partner will soon lose interest in it. After all, it’s stupid, unnatural, and pointless, anyway. But even those who may discover to their complete astonishment that they actually enjoy the new power their partner has bestowed on them and finally having the means to put a stop to the constant sex bargaining they have always dealt with, don’t want to engage in chastity discussions and sexy kink talk ad nauseam. Subjecting your key holder to this will only annoy them, so don’t be surprised when they don’t want to play anymore if you insist on doing it. A good rule to follow is this. The first rule of male chastity is don’t talk about male chastity, unless your key holder brings it up.

Rule #4: Don’t Complain That She Doesn’t Tease You Enough or Effectively

Remember our old friend, Tease and Denial? Many guys opt into male chastity because they want to be helplessly subjected to sexual teasing until driven crazy with arousal. Hopefully, you thought to cover the teasing bit when you first asked your significant other to lock you in a chastity device. Because once the lock snaps shut, that’s all behind you now. The quality and frequency of sexual teasing is completely up to your key holder. And guess what? Teasing may not be her thing. She might not know how to do it. She may not even be interested in learning how to do it. Or doing it all, for that matter.

Luckily, when faced with something they know little about, because of their very inquisitive nature, women often immediately turn to the Internet or a bookstore looking for resources that will get them up to speed. So, maybe, if you’re lucky, if your key holder never heard of male chastity before you brought it up, she might dig into the topic and learn all about teasing and how to do it. She might even ask you what sort of things make you pleasantly aroused if she doesn’t already know. But remember, that’s up to her, not you. So, if she isn’t interested in teasing or learning about it, you could end up with the worst possible chastity outcome, locked and forgot. Still, complaining and nagging will get you nowhere and may even end with her throwing the key back in your face with strongly worded instructions to never speak to her about chastity again.

Rule #5: Don’t Negotiate

Once your wife or key holder locks you up, understand something. There’s no scheduled release, no time off for good behavior, no get out of jail free cards, no negotiations. She decides when or if she unlocks your penis. That’s how enforced chastity works. So, don’t tell her how horny you are and ask her to unlock you. And don’t even think about *gasp* begging. If she understands how chastity is supposed to work and isn’t a pushover, even if she isn’t the female version of Christian Grey, she will automatically say “no” whenever you ask or beg for release. After all, she will reason: Isn’t this what he asked for? And don’t forget the first rule of chastity. Never talk about chastity unless your key holder brings it up. If she is a good key holder, she will even punish you for asking for release. And she should.

Rule #6: Never Refuse Punishment or Chores

Domestic service and submission are two things that we commonly incorporate with chastity. Focusing on the key holder usually means a guy doing household chores that weren’t previously his responsibility. The goal is to make your key holder happy by doing anything she wants you to do that she finds pleasurable, even if that is only you doing the laundry. But, at some point, frustration sets in. What you enjoyed immensely at the beginning suddenly feels less satisfying. What you regarded as perpetual foreplay doesn’t result in the reward of a nice, throbbing erection or the sexual release you want desperately. Maybe you even broke the rule and asked or begged her to unlock you. But she said no and now you’re left feeling angry and act out passively aggressively. Maybe you actively disobey by refusing to do a chore she assigned. Or, maybe you earned punishment for violating a rule, and refuse to accept it. This is another thing that can sink your chastity boat and ruin the experience for both of you.

When you refuse to do a chore or accept a punishment, you are taking back the power you transferred to your key holder and showing her that chastity is about you, not about her, as it should be. And that might just destroy your credibility in her eyes and she will never believe it’s focused on her again. So, if it is truly important to you to incorporate chastity into the relationship, grit your teeth and resist the urge to disobey when frustration sets in.

Rule #7: Don’t Use Chastity to Segue Clandestinely into Another Fetish or Kink

Your wife or partner deserves to know exactly what you are asking for when you ask her to lock you in chastity. I’ve known many men who wanted much more than just having their cocks locked up. But instead of laying it all out at the beginning, they asked their partners for the chastity piece first and once they got that, they then pushed for fulfillment of some other fetish or kink interest. For some guys, chastity is only a segue into something else they really want to experience, like feminization, small penis humiliation, or cuckolding. Not that there is anything wrong with desiring or enjoying those kinks as long as everyone agrees. But you should never ask your partner to add chastity to the relationship when you already know you intend to up the ante later by asking her to add some other fetish or kink. Be honest and lay it all out at the front end.

Yes, maybe she would add chastity but won’t have any interest at all in feminizing you, ridiculing the size of your tool, or having sex with other men. And hearing you want those things too may put her off chastity. But it’s dishonest to withhold information from her she might wish to include in her decision-making process.

Some kinks many guys think fit seamlessly with chastity actually don’t. Consider the three I mentioned, forced feminization, SPH, and cuckolding. All of those fit into the humiliation kink category and are all stand-alone kinks embraced by guys who find humiliation sexually arousing. That’s what sets them apart from chastity. They are self-focused, while chastity is partner-focused. At least it should be. You can tell me until the cows come home you want your wife to cuckold you only because you just can’t satisfy her with your cock the way a more generously endowed bull could and you only want her to be happy and sexually fulfilled. But we both know a huge part of it is how horny it would make you knowing some other guy with a bigger cock is shagging your wife, and even better if she lets you watch or gives you a play-by-play afterward.

Just a few rules of thumb to keep in mind if your significant other has agreed to lock you and hold the key for the first time this Locktober. You may not remember them all. But that’s okay as long as you remember this. Male chastity isn’t about you. It’s key holder-focused. As long as you remember that and apply it, you’ll automatically keep all seven rules.

If you’re observing Locktober 2022 and still hanging in there, well done. If it’s your first Locktober and you’re still locked after ten full days, that’s awesome. Good luck to all. Just 20 days and a few hours to go.

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