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pro-domme key holders

5 Things I Already Love About My New Keyholder

By on Wednesday, November 22, 2023

Is Amanda the way a permanently satisfying keyholder relationship lies? I’m beginning to think so after discovering 5 things I already love about my new keyholder.

I’ve only just met Amanda and we don’t begin until December 1, but I’ve already learned a handful of things about her that cause my hopes to soar that I’m headed for a permanently satisfying keyholder relationship.

Finding an ideal remote keyholder often feels like you’re on a quest for the holy grail. And all too often, just when you think you’ve found it, something dashes your hopes. That happened with Lucie. She suited me perfectly, yet after too brief a time, Lucie had to step away from keyholding to attend some pressing personal matters in her real world life. What I had hoped would become a permanent arrangement, failed to materialize.

My first attempt at finding a new keyholder hasn’t worked out the way I had hoped. The chemistry just hasn’t developed. Since it has become increasingly difficult to find potential online keyholders the way I’ve done it in the past, I turned to the Chaster app. And then I met Amanda.

After a couple of chats, things already looked positive. But with 9 days left to go with NNN and my liaison with Michele, to my surprise Amanda isn’t just sitting back waiting for December 1. She has stayed engaged with me and we’ve chatted every day since we met. Amanda continues probing me for more information, not only about the things I like, but why I like them, and how they make me feel. And in the process, I’ve discovered five things that I already love about my new keyholder.

Amanda Really, Really Loves Chastity

Yesterday, Amanda gushed about how much she loves having full control over a man’s penis and his “primal” urges for sexual pleasure and why. Having complete dominion over a man’s erections and orgasms. In fact, she warned me if we continue together after the 7-day trial we’ve agreed to, I should prepare myself for permanent chastity. Here is why I feel this is so important.

There are lots of different views about male chastity from the perspective of dominant women. As I’ve seen in many Fetlife community discussions, it seems most dominant women are completely indifferent about if not outright hostile to the idea of male chastity involving the wearing of chastity devices. While some tolerate or fully embrace the idea of keeping their man locked up, many others absolutely despise the idea of their man wearing a chastity device.

While the latter, as femdoms almost universally do, insist on orgasm control and controlling their man’s access to sexual pleasure, they insist a man should be fully capable of controlling himself and doesn’t need a piece of metal or plastic locked on his genitals to do it. He only needs to obey his dominant. And, they add, no chastity device is foolproof and totally effective in preventing a man from having an orgasm. Many of these women see chastity devices simply as toys catering to yet another silly male penis-centric fetish interest and want nothing to do with it.

Even among some of the pro keyholders I’ve had, I quickly realized they felt no genuine interest in chastity and only offered keyholding because there are men willing to give them financial tributes for doing it. None of those experiences felt very enjoyable. So, it is important to me to have a keyholder who is as serious and passionate about chastity as I am, and Amanda definitely ticks that box.

Amanda Seeks a Permanent Relationship

The second thing I love about Amanda is she has told me from the start that she wants another full-time submissive man. She offers temporary chastity locks on the Chaster app, but she offers the week of consideration we’ve agreed to only to someone seriously seeking a full-time Domme. And that is exactly what I’m looking for, a permanent arrangement, so I can put the days of looking for another keyholder every few months behind me. I found a lot of benefits from self-locking in the past, but after my experiences with Lucie, I know I now want chastity controlled by a dominant woman. I really can’t imagine going back to self-locking anymore.

Amanda is an Actual Domme

Like Lucie, Amanda is an actual Domme with IRL experience in her local kink community. And again, from experience, I know women like Amanda offer a more comprehensive and meaningful dynamic than those women who only offer online chastity keyholding services and have little interest or experience with the wider world of kink. There is greater variety in the dynamic with an actual Domme who has done more than just online keyholding. That’s because they seek not only to enforce someone’s chastity, but want to explore their own kinks, desires, and needs with a submissive partner. That only makes chastity more meaningful for me because I want it to be focused on the keyholder.

Chastity, with a keyholder for me, has never been something where my greatest interest was only getting my own kinks satisfied. I don’t see a Domme as a kink dispenser. I have far more respect for dominant women than that. It is vitally important to me that my keyholder also gets her desires and needs satisfied and not just through financial tributes. I believe already that Amanda will offer that opportunity.

Amanda Is a Generous and Caring Person

Even with knowing her only a short while, Amanda has already shown to my satisfaction she is a generous and caring person. I have already remitted the small tribute she required for the 7-day consideration lock and I wouldn’t have faulted her at all had she chosen not to engage with me until December 1 once we closed the deal. She already had a list of my kink interests, limits, and toys to use for designing the tasks she will give me to do. But she didn’t do that.

Aware of how little I paid for the 7-days, I felt no entitlement to her attention until we start on December 1. But Amanda has started conversations with me every day, generously giving me her time and attention out of her interest in getting to know me better. Her interest in me as a person has been so clear. She reminds me quite a lot of Lucie in how generous and caring a woman she is. And that impresses me so much.

We Share Many Common Kink Interests

I’ve learned during the past week that Amanda and I share many other common kink interests besides just chastity. No, we don’t match perfectly. No two unique people ever do. As one example, I think Amanda enjoys enforced feminization a great deal more than I do. I’m fine with it in moderation, the way Lucie used it for the mild humiliation effects it has on me. Feminization just holds no appeal for me since I’m not a sissy-type submissive man and I’m not into CD. Nothing wrong with any of that, but I don’t find behaving or dressing as a woman arousing in the least. But Amanda has already gained my trust that she will respect my limits and will compromise even on things she finds interesting and fun to explore. And, based on our conversations, I feel we have enough common interests that neither of us will feel bored or short-changed.

 

Honestly, meeting Amanda has made NNN more difficult because I’m so excited for December 1 to arrive that I can’t wait for NOvember to end. Maybe I haven’t met Lucie’s equal, but the more I get to know Amanda, the more I feel convinced I’ve had the good fortune of meeting another special Domme.

 

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A Key Holder Who Gets You

By on Tuesday, May 16, 2023

While I’m grateful to every key holder I’ve had, there is just something magical about having a key holder who gets you.

Having practiced chastity for a while now, I’ve had several keyholders, all professionals and all remotely. And while I liked and respected them all and found our interactions satisfying and enjoyable, in every case, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on always seemed to miss the mark. When I thought about it, I naturally assumed it was the remote arrangement. After all, there is only so much that a person can give or receive virtually. The arrangement comes with its inherent limitations. Or so I always believed.

My new key holder is an exception to the rule I held previously. I’ll call her Lucie henceforth instead of referring to her generically as “my key holder” or “Mistress.” That’s not her true name nor her professional moniker, which also isn’t her actual name. But as part of our arrangement, we agreed to respect each other’s privacy, and she doesn’t permit me to use her professional name here or to reveal any specifics about our interactions.

Mistress Lucie’s view is that while she trades a real service for money, our interactions are still intimate and personal, and deserve to be treated accordingly. I agree with that and it feels good knowing she sees things the way she does. But back to the point I was about to make.

Yes, virtual interaction with a key holder has limits and will never be the same as interacting with a key holder face to face. But that doesn’t mean remote keyholding can’t feel very real. I know this now after only a week with Mistress Lucie. The woman knows what makes men tick sexually. And in the space of a week, she has already learned what makes me tick specifically. She uses that knowledge to tailor the teasing to my individual predilections to devastating effect.

After our session yesterday, I’m suffering the effects of the worst case of blue balls I’ve ever had and am still impossibly horny. Yet on a scale of one to five, my feelings of sexual frustration are closer to zero than one. The heightened desire and arousal are so

amazingly pleasurable. And I’d never trade what I’m feeling right now for fleeting moments of jouissance. That’s because I’m feeling the purest pleasure of all. The pleasure of knowing I’m doing her will.

I don’t say this to disparage any of my past key holders, all of whom had their own impressive strengths, but I’ve experienced nothing close to what I’m experiencing now. The relationship dynamic between one who is locked and any key holder will always be unique. But in my estimation, Mistress Lucie is without peer. I’ll offer an example.

I’ve always been deferential to my past sexual partners. Giving them pleasure was always as important, if not more important, to me than my pleasure. I suppose I’m just wired that way. And the same has been true with my key holders. I wanted them to lock me, to own my penis, to decide when or if I got sexual release. But it was always vitally important to me they got something in return beyond the tributes I paid. I wanted to suffer for them, but I wanted them to enjoy making me suffer, if that makes sense. And I’ve found that true with Mistress Lucie like never before.

During our first conversation, she told me she was a true sadist and a few minutes later proved it to me if I had any doubts. I could see it in her eyes when she told me to do something I found quite painful. Mistress Lucie also told me she enjoys small penis humiliation (SPH) and CBT. We discussed that, and I admitted that neither were kinks I enjoyed, but I couldn’t honestly claim they were limits. So, both are part of our interactions because she enjoys them, possibly even more because she knows I don’t.

I submit to the SPH and CBT because it’s a way to show deference to her and to allow her to get something more from our interactions than just a tribute. Weirdly, because I know she gets pleasure from subjecting me to SPH and CBT, I get pleasure from it too precisely because it pleases her. Her pleasure becomes my pleasure. The SPH doesn’t harm my self-esteem since I know the size of my penis falls within the bell curve of average. And I can’t deny having her ridicule the size of my penis doesn’t make me twitch inside the cage. The same is true of the CBT, and to her credit, she keeps it a level she knows I can handle knowing pain isn’t my thing.

It feels truly amazing having a key holder who gets you. Not because she gives me what I need, but because with each passing day, my desire to serve her grows ever stronger. The longer we are together, the less inward my focus. The more I know her, the less the cage represents a constant reminder of my penis and what I’m giving up and more a symbol of her ownership. I’m grateful for that and for her.

The Air Lock Has Landed

I received the Air Lock from KINK3D yesterday. It works great, but I found it a little tricky getting the plastic numbered lock in place even while holding the Cobra in my hand. I’m wondering just how difficult it will be with the Cobra attached to my body.

The end of the lock must pass out through the little hole in the device lock housing on the left side. The problem is the plastic is so stiff that it resists making the bend to exit through the hole. Instead, it just bumps up against the interior housing. I had to coax it out with a toothpick, which would be much more difficult to do while wearing the device.

Lucie likes it and will allow me to wear the Cobra with the air lock when it suits her to let me change devices. Of course, no clue when it will suit her.

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The Secret to Successfully Adding Male Chastity to Your Relationship Revealed In 7 Simple Rules

By on Tuesday, October 11, 2022

I suspect many guys are observing this eleventh day of Locktober 2022 solo, or like me, under the supervision of a pro keyholder. Still, I expect there are guys who finally found the courage to approach their wife or partner this year to have the chastity discussion. And a smaller subset of that group persuaded their significant others to add male chastity to their relationship, at least as a trial for the month of October. If that describes you, congratulations. And I hope you will take a few moments to contemplate the secret to successfully adding male chastity to your relationship revealed in 7 simple rules.

A hilarious, satirical forum post I read on Chastity Mansion last evening, “How to get my husband to embrace a Canasta Centric Lifestyle?” by a woman going by the name Ashley Wilson Black is what sparked the idea of this post. Basically, she was poking a little fun at the guys who are forever posting in the forums, asking for advice on how to get their wives or partners to embrace male chastity. She cleverly turned it around to the female perspective, substituting the name of a card game (Canasta) for chastity. Maybe she was a bit harsh it spots, but I definitely got where she was coming from. So, for those lucky guys out there who convinced their wives or partners to explore chastity with them by acting as their key holders, you don’t want to blow it. And here I’m offering some simple rules that might just keep you from doing that.

Rule #1: Balance Reality with the Fantasy

Let’s be honest. At least at the beginning, the urge to satisfy a very common male fantasy motivates a guy’s interest in chastity. They want to spend long periods (just not too long) locked up at the mercy of a cruel, adamantine Mistress who will demand constant sexual pleasure through oral stimulation while he must suffer the pains of denial, unable to even have an erection. It’s the attraction of tease and denial play that most often drives initial interest in chastity, not the practice of chastity itself.

There is nothing wrong with sexual fantasies or seeking to enact them as long as no one gets harmed. But if it’s only fantasy driving it, chastity is likely to turn out massively disappointing both for the chastised male and his key holder. Take your joint foray into chastity with a healthy dose of reality because chances are good, your fantasy is not likely to ever be fully realized. And I can even make an argument for why it shouldn’t. You see, male chastity isn’t about you and your dick. It’s about your key holder and chastity should ALWAYS be female-focused (or partner-focused for those whose tastes may lie elsewhere).

Rule #2: Don’t Try to Mold Your Partner into a Dominatrix

Another question I often see guys post in chastity forums is how they can get their wives or partners to act more dominant. Here again, we see fantasy fulfillment outside the bounds of reality raising its ugly head. How do you get your wife or partner to act more dominant? You probably don’t. Simple as that. Long before I ever tried male chastity, I was heavily involved in the kink community. Yes, I offer only anecdotal evidence, based on my experiences, but I firmly believe that dominants (in the sexual and kink contexts) are born, not made.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t lots of people who can act effectively in the role of a top when so inclined, but here I’m talking about an actual, honest to goodness dominant. If your wife or partner had not a kinky bone in her body before you broached the subject of male chastity and asked her to become your key holder, it’s most unlikely she is going to turn magically into the harsh, implacable Dominatrix of your fantasies. Back during my days in the kink community, when the novel Fifty Shades of Grey came out and interest in BDSM exploded, I can’t even guess how many women asked me a similar question. How can I get my husband (or other significant other) to Dom me? I gave them the same answer. You probably can’t. They may not even be interested in trying, much less be capable of it.

If male chastity is key holder-focused, which it is, you should never try to coerce, persuade, or pester your key holder into becoming something she is not and that might even make her feel hugely uncomfortable. There is a word for that. It’s called manipulation. Just don’t. Manipulation is never okay. Many wives and partners, bless their hearts, agree to incorporate chastity into the relationship and serve as their male partner’s key holder out of loving kindness and genuine caring despite how stupid, unnatural, and useless they actually believe locking up penises really is. So, please don’t repay these wonderful women by telling them how they need to do a better job of fulfilling your fantasies.

Rule #3: Don’t Talk to Your Key Holder About Chasity and Kink Constantly

You know what I hate most about Twitter? It’s the political and social justice activists. They rarely, if ever, post about anything but politics and social justice. They simply don’t grasp that not everyone is obsessed with politics and social justice as they are and that they bore the holy hell out of people like me. In fact, I end up not only hating them but everything they advocate and stand for because it reminds me of them. And they are too self-absorbed and ignorant to understand they do their various causes way more harm than good. I actually view a lot of things negatively today that I once either saw positively or at least had no strong opinion about either way because of the self-appointed, self-styled, in your face activist assholes on Twitter. This is exactly the reason you shouldn’t talk to your partner incessantly about chastity. Trust me. The vast majority of them will never feel as fanatical about it as you do. Chastity is not on her mind or something she wants on her mind all day, every day.

Most of the time, a wife or partner agrees to chastity and to becoming a key holder because they love their penis owning partner and want them to be happy. They see cooperating with the latest kinky thing he picked up on the Internet as just another relationship cross they must bear. Secretly, they hope the chastity cage will turn out massively uncomfortable if not outright painful, and that their partner will soon lose interest in it. After all, it’s stupid, unnatural, and pointless, anyway. But even those who may discover to their complete astonishment that they actually enjoy the new power their partner has bestowed on them and finally having the means to put a stop to the constant sex bargaining they have always dealt with, don’t want to engage in chastity discussions and sexy kink talk ad nauseam. Subjecting your key holder to this will only annoy them, so don’t be surprised when they don’t want to play anymore if you insist on doing it. A good rule to follow is this. The first rule of male chastity is don’t talk about male chastity, unless your key holder brings it up.

Rule #4: Don’t Complain That She Doesn’t Tease You Enough or Effectively

Remember our old friend, Tease and Denial? Many guys opt into male chastity because they want to be helplessly subjected to sexual teasing until driven crazy with arousal. Hopefully, you thought to cover the teasing bit when you first asked your significant other to lock you in a chastity device. Because once the lock snaps shut, that’s all behind you now. The quality and frequency of sexual teasing is completely up to your key holder. And guess what? Teasing may not be her thing. She might not know how to do it. She may not even be interested in learning how to do it. Or doing it all, for that matter.

Luckily, when faced with something they know little about, because of their very inquisitive nature, women often immediately turn to the Internet or a bookstore looking for resources that will get them up to speed. So, maybe, if you’re lucky, if your key holder never heard of male chastity before you brought it up, she might dig into the topic and learn all about teasing and how to do it. She might even ask you what sort of things make you pleasantly aroused if she doesn’t already know. But remember, that’s up to her, not you. So, if she isn’t interested in teasing or learning about it, you could end up with the worst possible chastity outcome, locked and forgot. Still, complaining and nagging will get you nowhere and may even end with her throwing the key back in your face with strongly worded instructions to never speak to her about chastity again.

Rule #5: Don’t Negotiate

Once your wife or key holder locks you up, understand something. There’s no scheduled release, no time off for good behavior, no get out of jail free cards, no negotiations. She decides when or if she unlocks your penis. That’s how enforced chastity works. So, don’t tell her how horny you are and ask her to unlock you. And don’t even think about *gasp* begging. If she understands how chastity is supposed to work and isn’t a pushover, even if she isn’t the female version of Christian Grey, she will automatically say “no” whenever you ask or beg for release. After all, she will reason: Isn’t this what he asked for? And don’t forget the first rule of chastity. Never talk about chastity unless your key holder brings it up. If she is a good key holder, she will even punish you for asking for release. And she should.

Rule #6: Never Refuse Punishment or Chores

Domestic service and submission are two things that we commonly incorporate with chastity. Focusing on the key holder usually means a guy doing household chores that weren’t previously his responsibility. The goal is to make your key holder happy by doing anything she wants you to do that she finds pleasurable, even if that is only you doing the laundry. But, at some point, frustration sets in. What you enjoyed immensely at the beginning suddenly feels less satisfying. What you regarded as perpetual foreplay doesn’t result in the reward of a nice, throbbing erection or the sexual release you want desperately. Maybe you even broke the rule and asked or begged her to unlock you. But she said no and now you’re left feeling angry and act out passively aggressively. Maybe you actively disobey by refusing to do a chore she assigned. Or, maybe you earned punishment for violating a rule, and refuse to accept it. This is another thing that can sink your chastity boat and ruin the experience for both of you.

When you refuse to do a chore or accept a punishment, you are taking back the power you transferred to your key holder and showing her that chastity is about you, not about her, as it should be. And that might just destroy your credibility in her eyes and she will never believe it’s focused on her again. So, if it is truly important to you to incorporate chastity into the relationship, grit your teeth and resist the urge to disobey when frustration sets in.

Rule #7: Don’t Use Chastity to Segue Clandestinely into Another Fetish or Kink

Your wife or partner deserves to know exactly what you are asking for when you ask her to lock you in chastity. I’ve known many men who wanted much more than just having their cocks locked up. But instead of laying it all out at the beginning, they asked their partners for the chastity piece first and once they got that, they then pushed for fulfillment of some other fetish or kink interest. For some guys, chastity is only a segue into something else they really want to experience, like feminization, small penis humiliation, or cuckolding. Not that there is anything wrong with desiring or enjoying those kinks as long as everyone agrees. But you should never ask your partner to add chastity to the relationship when you already know you intend to up the ante later by asking her to add some other fetish or kink. Be honest and lay it all out at the front end.

Yes, maybe she would add chastity but won’t have any interest at all in feminizing you, ridiculing the size of your tool, or having sex with other men. And hearing you want those things too may put her off chastity. But it’s dishonest to withhold information from her she might wish to include in her decision-making process.

Some kinks many guys think fit seamlessly with chastity actually don’t. Consider the three I mentioned, forced feminization, SPH, and cuckolding. All of those fit into the humiliation kink category and are all stand-alone kinks embraced by guys who find humiliation sexually arousing. That’s what sets them apart from chastity. They are self-focused, while chastity is partner-focused. At least it should be. You can tell me until the cows come home you want your wife to cuckold you only because you just can’t satisfy her with your cock the way a more generously endowed bull could and you only want her to be happy and sexually fulfilled. But we both know a huge part of it is how horny it would make you knowing some other guy with a bigger cock is shagging your wife, and even better if she lets you watch or gives you a play-by-play afterward.

 

Just a few rules of thumb to keep in mind if your significant other has agreed to lock you and hold the key for the first time this Locktober. You may not remember them all. But that’s okay as long as you remember this. Male chastity isn’t about you. It’s key holder-focused. As long as you remember that and apply it, you’ll automatically keep all seven rules.

If you’re observing Locktober 2022 and still hanging in there, well done. If it’s your first Locktober and you’re still locked after ten full days, that’s awesome. Good luck to all. Just 20 days and a few hours to go.

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The Critical Difference Between Chastity With a Key Holder and Self-Locking

By on Sunday, January 16, 2022

As mentioned in the previous post, I engaged a Professional Dominatrix as my key holder for the observance of the longest day (month-long observance of International Male Chastity Day). Four days into it (I started a day early), the experience of having a key holder has reminded me once again of the critical difference between chastity with a key holder and self-locking. It’s the control.

I spent the entire year of 2021 self-locked and had to look back at my notes to see when I last had a key holder. It was June through November 2020. The benefits of wearing a male chastity device are so obvious that I willingly self-lock. That’s also why I recommend practicing solo male chastity to other single guys without hesitation. It’s still fun and meaningful. You still get many of the benefits. But we don’t get one element of chastity when we go it alone. We miss out on one of the most satisfying aspects of chastity, the experience of surrendering control to another person.

Surrendering Control is a Common Male Fantasy

Many men (if not most) fantasize about giving control of their sexual desires over to their wives, girlfriends, or partners. This dynamic, commonly known as power exchange, requires complete trust and open, honest communication. Many men enjoy being more of a passive player when it comes to sex, taking on a sexually submissive role. It runs contrary to the way they experience their lives outside the bedroom. So, they enjoy the idea of a partner locking up their penis, teasing, denying, and deciding when they can orgasm. It’s about feeling like you surrender control.

In the beginning, the novelty and excitement are heady and arousing, but once a little time passes, the frustration builds, and you must dig deep to find your own power and strength of resolve, as the temptation to beg and plead for release ramps up. It took only four days under the firm hand of my Mistress to remind me of all these things and how much I’ve missed it.

The Effects of Control

I’m not at the frustration stage yet, probably because I have acquired so much experience wearing a cock cage. But here is how the control of another person is making itself felt. Right now, I am super horny. That’s my preferred state, although it can be massively distracting. Sure, I get horny sometimes when I’m self-locked. But it never feels this intense.

The other thing I’ve noticed is attempted erections waking me during the night. I adjusted to the nocturnal erections a long while ago, and they rarely wake me anymore. But last night, attempted erections woke me three different times. That isn’t ordinary for me. All my custom cages are designed to fit tight with no extra space, so they all do an excellent job of stifling erection attempts quickly. Also, I woke up this morning with morning wood. Since my Jail Bird offers no extra space for the contents to grow, the boner pushed the base ring and cage a good distance away from my body until it subsided.

These are the things that make me aware of the control. Is this mental or physical? I think maybe a little of both. When you’re self-locked, even when you have no intention of unlocking, it’s always there in the back of your mind that you could unlock if you wanted. But it removes that option when you have surrendered control to a key holder. You can’t unlock and remove the cage without breaking the agreement and disappointing your key holder. Both are things I’d never do.

I have never experienced having an intimate partner I cared about and knew cared about me as a key holder. But I have no difficulty imagining that is the best possible way to experience chastity.

No matter how charming, dominant, or attractive a professional key holder might be or how over time, you sometimes develop feelings of affection for them on some level, you always understand it isn’t personal for them. It’s just a business transaction. They provide you a service for a fee you feel you need or want.

Nevertheless, the feeling of control it produces is still very real. And I love that feeling. It makes me feel comforted, cared for, and sexy. It makes the practice of chastity all the more profound. The feeling of the chastity device holding me tight and knowing another person has all the control is one of the best feelings in the world.

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Another Reason for Male Chastity Ladies

By on Saturday, January 1, 2022

A new study revealed that many women feel men are selfish when it comes to sex.

A new study revealed that many women feel men are selfish when it comes to sex, that their partners do not care about their sexual pleasure and satisfaction. Data showing two out of three women don’t climax every time they have sex seems to support this. But an overwhelming majority of men participating in the study claimed that ensuring an orgasm for their partners was a priority for them, and the claim that men are selfish when it comes to sex might only be a myth. So, what’s the truth? Are men selfish in bed, or do most guys prioritize making sure their partners get equal pleasure?

A look beneath the surface

A look beneath the surface might suggest that women are correct. Even guys who insist it is always important that their partner gets equal pleasure during sex may not be as selfless as they appear in deciding priorities. Many men I’ve known (including me) follow the practice of making sure their partners had an orgasm first before they climaxed. That proves we men are thoughtful and mindful of our partners getting equal pleasure, right? I once believed that was true until I took the time to unpack it.

I discovered that I (and probably true of most other guys with the same view) was more concerned about what my partner’s orgasms meant for me than them. When I asked myself who her orgasm was really pleasing, I had to admit it was me. I viewed her orgasm as a benchmark for success, an affirmation that I was great in the sack, almost like a trophy for success. And, on the odd occasion when I had sex with a woman, and she didn’t orgasm, I found it deflating.

While I like to believe I did care about the pleasure and satisfaction my partners received on some level, on reflection, I must accept I was more selfish than selfless when it came to sex. Giving a woman an orgasm made me feel properly masculine and gave me an ego boost, which proves that focusing on giving a partner an orgasm wasn’t all that selfless.

Women are at a disadvantage

I’m sharing this today because it is yet another reason I’m astonished that all women don’t lock their partners in chastity devices. After all, that would eliminate the problem of men behaving selfishly regarding sex. Sure, I understand most vanilla women, even open-minded ones, recoil in disgust when looking at the image of a locked cock and reject the very idea of male chastity. While male chastity is more mainstream than ever, I understand many people still view the use of cock cages as a perverted fetish. But suppose more women only knew how many relationship problems chastity devices would solve for them. In that case, I think most would insist on caging the penises of their partners with the same giddy exuberance with which so many women embraced kinkier sexual practices after reading 50 Shades of Grey or seeing the film based on the book.

Evolution, by default, causes an imbalance in relationships between a man and a woman. Women are at a disadvantage, and by design, our real-world sexual choices tend to reflect biological imperatives that have programmed men and women to approach sex very differently for millions of years. Pregnancy is always possible for women, which is a difficult, costly process, and raising children even more so, meaning they must take sex seriously. By and large, biology conditions women to avoid casual sex and to connect sex with love.

On the other hand, men have no such restraint on their libidos. Their approach to sex tends to reflect the biological imperative to spread their genes as widely as possible at no cost to themselves. Yes, men will settle down with a fertile woman whose fidelity is assured of having legitimate offspring. But many will still sleep around as much as they can, especially with women who possess the key “fertility cues” of youth and physical beauty. These biological truths explain why so many partnered men can’t keep it in thir pants when oppotunities arise and the male attraction to porn and masturbation.

For all its complexity, human sexual desire results from something quite simple—our struggle to survive as a species. Lust, infatuation, and even love are only adaptive techniques humans have developed over our species’ long history to maximize our genes’ chances for survival. The sooner we all come to terms with that, the sooner men won’t have to persuade or beg the women in their lives to lock them in chastity devices. Instead, it will be the women demanding it.

Ringing in the New Year

I finished 2021 wearing the Holy Trainer Nano V4 for a change of pace after wearing the Holy Trainer Nub V4 since December 1. I’d forgotten how much I liked this device. And as much as I love micro chastity devices, it felt good to let things stretch out a little. Sure, I prefer steel, but when you’re in the mood for plastic, Holy Trainer makes some darn great cock cages.

After ringing in 2022 with a traditional champagne toast, I switched from the Nano to my Mature Metal Watchful Mistress since I haven’t worn it for a while.

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Benefits Women Can Expect From Male Chastity

By on Wednesday, March 3, 2021

Think Male Chastity Only Benefits the Men Who Want it? Think Again.

There are many readily attainable benefits for women who choose to lock their male partner’s penis in a chastity cage. In the first article aimed at women whose husbands or boyfriends have revealed they desire chastity, I briefly mentioned the benefits women can expect from male chastity. In this post, we look at those benefits more closely.

Common Complaints Women Have About Their Men

One way to look at the readily attainable benefits of agreeing to lock your male partner’s penis in a chastity device is to look at some of the common complaints women have about their men. While researching this article, I looked at many different lists of this type, and here are eight complaints that made every list.

 

(1) “He never helps around the house.”

 

(2) “He’s is always playing video games, watching sports, etc., etc.”

 

(3) “We have the same arguments every day.”

 

(4) “He just wants sex.”

 

(5) “A little appreciation would be nice.”

 

(6) “He has to be taught basic life skills.”

 

(7) “He’s afraid of my feelings.”

 

(8) “He doesn’t listen.”

 

Do any of these sound familiar, ladies? All of them? What if I told you putting your man in chastity could eradicate the behaviors behind all of these complaints? Other women have seen it happen. So could you. But how is that possible?

Men and Sex

Someone once said that for women, sex is like scratching an itch. For men, it is like satisfying hunger or thirst. I think that’s an accurate analogy. The sex drives of women and men are remarkably different. Imagine if we were all the same. If evolution had programmed women to view and want sex the same as it has men, the world would be in utter chaos.

Many women believe that men have a one-track mind when it comes to sex. The truth is, that is a simplistic explanation for how men think about sex. Hundreds of thousands of years have programmed men with a prime directive to reproduce. It was nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the species.

While once a useful and necessary trait, the male sex drive is now mostly a nuisance.

A majority of men naturally feel a nearly irresistible urge to ejaculate semen every twenty-four to seventy-hours. When aroused, a man is the most conscious of and attuned to women because of the sexual desire and the felt need to satisfy it. Once the urge is satiated, male desire reaches its lowest level, and he loses interest.

But not for long. Usually, within twenty-four hours, desire builds once again. It’s a continuous cycle. If a female partner is unavailable, most men resort to masturbation to satisfy the sexual need.

Why can’t men show a little self-discipline like women do when it comes to sex? That’s like asking why a heroin addict can’t show a little self-discipline and stop using heroin. I’m not making excuses for men. I’m only telling you the truth.

How Chastity Changes Everything

When a man’s penis is locked inside a chastity device, everything changes. He no longer enjoys the freedom to orgasm at will or even to touch his penis. The person holding the key makes those decisions. The sexual desire doesn’t disappear. It becomes more pronounced. The need becomes more keenly felt. A chaste man can soon feel desperate for sexual release. That’s why male sexual energy, when harnessed for good through the use of a chastity cage, becomes a tool a woman can use to modify her partners’ behavior.

Imagine that, and let it sink in for a moment. You’ve locked your partner’s penis in a cage, and you hold the key. Only you can unlock him. He feels desperate for sexual release. Who do you think becomes his singular focus, the most important person in his world? That’s right. You. Only you have the power to give him what he desperately wants.

The Behavior of a Chaste Man

Men locked in a chastity device behave far differently than men who are not. That’s because orgasm denial produces some profound hormonal changes in the male body. The changes are so dramatic that even while experiencing almost unbearable arousal, it can feel supremely pleasurable.

In this state, a man becomes more attentive to his partner and her needs, more in touch with his own feelings, and eager to please to almost a subservient degree. Those eight common complaints we looked at earlier? The male behaviors behind them simply disappear. The chastened man will  literally do almost anything his partner, the keyholder, asks of him. Imagine the possibilities. These are the benefits women can expect from male chastity.

No one has to tell you how disinterested, inattentive, and unromantic your man becomes after having sex or masturbating. Imagine now that instead of enduring this behavior every few days, you only have to deal with it occasionally and as infrequently as you wish.

Just because he desires chastity doesn’t mean you must give up sex, not even PIV sex. You are free to have it as often as you like. Only you forbid him to come and lock him right back up when you’ve finished with him.

You can even keep him locked up and enjoy the attentive quality oral sex you’ve always dreamed of but rarely experienced in the past. He will be happy to serve you orally as often and for as long as you wish as he learns that giving you pleasure becomes his greatest pleasure.

So I Can Keep Him Locked All the Time?

No, unfortunately, you can’t leave a man locked and denied indefinitely. If you never give him a release, his arousal level will eventually fall. He might even become depressed. He must believe that eventually, you will allow him a release.

But you can easily keep him in the state of elevated arousal for weeks at a time. And by judiciously managing his releases through the use of techniques like ruined orgasms, prostate milking, and only allowing him to come while wearing his chastity device (though use of a vibrator), you can shorten those periods of unsatisfactory behavior. That’s because while all of those techniques give him a small measure of relief, they aren’t truly satisfying in the way unrestricted orgasms are.

After a less than fully satisfying release, his arousal will quickly build again to its former elevated level, that sweet spot where you want to keep him.

If Only Life Were Simple

If life were simple, the only effort required of you would be snapping a lock shut and putting away the key. Frankly, it doesn’t work quite that way. Chastity will require some time and effort on your part to keep your partner’s arousal at a high level. It will require you to tease him sexually regularly. But that’s something you should want to do. That’s how you maximize the benefits you will enjoy.

Don’t worry. Even if teasing isn’t something you feel particularly adept at or even something you feel wired to do, it isn’t hard and doesn’t require loads of time. Teasing is the next topic we will visit in this series. And as far as the time commitment, all you must do is shift chores and responsibilities to your partner you have done previously to free up the extra time.

If your husband or boyfriend has recently admitted he desires chastity and asks you to enforce it by becoming his keyholder, I hope you feel less reluctant about giving it a try. After reading this post, you now know the benefits women can expect from male chastity and that it could vastly improve your relationship. By agreeing to lock up your partner’s penis, you will be doing yourself a big favor.

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A Curious Contraption: A Steampunk Chastity Story

By on Friday, June 19, 2020

As part of our current month-long chastity sojourn, my new keyholder has assigned me to write a fantasy story. She left the specific story type, and word-count up to me, so I thought what better story was there to write than a steampunk chastity story.

I’ve toyed with the idea of writing a steampunk story for a while now. This assignment seemed an excellent opportunity to try it for the first time. At first, I only intended to satisfy my keyholder’s requirement. But the further I’ve gotten into the story, the more caught up in it I’ve become. It has already reached novelette proportions. So, I now plan to publish the story on Amazon once I’ve completed it and have submitted it to my keyholder.

a-curious-contraption

The Story Synopsis

If male chastity fiction is something you enjoy, here is the synopsis of A Curious Contraption:

a-steampunk-chastity-storyWhen a young Irishman arrives in gaslamp Liverpool during the 19th century looking for work, he finds more than he bargained for.

Out of work amid the Great Famine, Ian Flynn leaves Ireland and travels to England seeking employment. He arrives in Liverpool, broke, hungry, and without a place to live. But when he answers an advertisement seeking an apprenticeship to a metalworker, his luck takes a turn for the better.

Ian’s new employer, Sophie Cooke, is a beautiful and most curious young woman for her time. She owns property and a business inherited from her father. Sophie also refuses to fit into the patriarchal social mold crafted by men, where men govern and treat women as child-bearing second-class citizens. Sophie not only gives Ian the apprenticeship but also rents him a room in her home.

As his first metalworking job, Sophie tasks Ian with making a curious contraption, an oddly shaped silver cylinder with a rounded nose. He assumes the tubes are containers, but can’t determine for what.

Things get curiouser and curiouser when Sophie reveals male chastity is the purpose of the odd gadgets. Unable to deny her, Ian must pay the minor price of his male liberty in return for Sophie’s generosity when she asks him to wear the tube in the interest of research. He finds himself in chastity and gratefully performing acts he would never have imagined.

Don’t miss out on this gaslamp fantasy tale of romance set in Victorian England. Journey today to 19th century Liverpool and experience author J.K. Spenser’s vision of a steampunk chastity story.

A Curious Contraption is available for pre-order on Amazon, but if you’re a Kindle Unlimited subscriber, wait until the story is released July 7 when you’ll be able to read it free.

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Chastity And Other Kinks

By on Monday, June 15, 2020

Does chastity always lead to cuckolding? No, sometimes, cuckolding leads to chastity. I’m kidding. Chastity doesn’t always lead to cuckolding, and cuckolding doesn’t always lead to chastity. They are separate and independent kinks.

When I first visited a chastity forum website that I still visit occasionally, I was surprised by the number of posts I saw related to cuckolding, feminization, forced-bi, CEI, and SPH. Years ago, I was quite involved in the BDSM scene, and so I come from more of a kink background than a vanilla one. Still, none of those things were kinks that ever appealed to me.

In this post, I want to look at why some other fetishes and kinks seem to get lumped in with chastity.

Chastity And Cuckolding

Since I led off with it, we’ll look at cuckolding first. In my kinkier days, I knew plenty of people who were into cuckolding, but who didn’t wear chastity cages. Guys I knew who desired being cuckolded were typically submissive men who were attracted to the humiliation aspect of it. They often liked other forms of humiliation play as well. But today you do sometimes meet chaste men who want their partners to cuckold them. And there is a logic to it.

Enforced chastity produces a greater sense of emasculation for some guys than others. Also, when a guy gets periods of constant teasing without orgasm, oxytocin builds up and stays high all the time. That makes him not only horny, but more attentive, affectionate, obedient, and eager to please the woman holding his keys. At some point, the guy may think, “Hey, I’m locked up, she’s not. Since I can’t give her penetrative sex, why not let her get that from another guy?” It just sort of makes cognitive sense for some guys

The longer a guy in chastity thinks about it, the more he may become intrigued with the idea of his wife or girlfriend keyholder being intimate with another man. The more he thinks about it, the more he fantasizes about it, and the hotter the idea sounds. Then he ends up proposing the idea to his partner. At least that’s the way it usually works. Just like chastity, it is typically the guy who suggests cuckolding to his wife or partner. There are instances where the wife or partner suggests it first, but almost always, that happens with couples who are already in full-blown female-led relationships.

Feminization

Feminization, also known as sissification, is another distinct, unconnected kink that often gets lumped in with chastity. For the uninformed, it’s the practice of a dominant person forcing a submissive male partner to dress as a female and encouraging or training them to adopt (typically exaggerated) feminine behaviors and appearances.

Some guys in chastity may desire to be feminized because they want to take emasculation even further than the sense of it they get from just wearing a chastity device. They may ask their keyholder to add feminization to the mix. Or, the keyholder may suggest it. Regardless, feminization is usually “forced” in the sense the chaste male pretends he doesn’t want to be feminized and finds it humiliating when the truth is it is something he wants. The “forced” aspect of it relieves him of the responsibility for becoming a sissy, yet allows him to enjoy the humiliation play he wants that makes it appealing.

One problem with forced feminization is some lifestyle, and even pro-dommes who act as keyholders are under the mistaken impression that every guy who wants to wear a chastity device also wants to be trained to look and behave as a female. I once had a domme tell me that chastity was just the gateway drug to feminization. That’s not true at all. Many guys simply enjoy having a keyholder lock their penises in chastity cages and take pleasure in the thrill of not knowing when or if their keyholder will unlock them.

Other Kinks And Fetishes That Are Connected With Chastity

Small penis humiliation (SPH), forced-bi, and cum eating instructions (CEI) are three other different kinks that are often lumped in with chastity.

Again, I’m not suggesting some guys in chastity don’t desire to experience those things, but they aren’t part of chastity, but separate kink interests. Just because a guy feels an attraction to chastity doesn’t mean he is interested in SPH, forced-bi, or CEI.

There’s Nothing Wrong With That

Nothing I’ve written here suggests I think there is anything wrong with any of those other kinks and fetishes or with someone who finds them erotic and enjoyable. Coming from a kink background myself, I don’t engage in kink-shaming.

Kink-shaming is just what it sounds like, shaming or embarrassing someone for their sexual interests or desires when they don’t line up with what you think is normal. I respect the kinks of others, even when it happens to be something that doesn’t appeal to me. My philosophy is live and let live. As long as no one is harmed, no one is victimized, and everything that happens is consensual among all involved parties, then I see nothing wrong with it.

Still, I have the things I like, and there are things others like I just don’t find enjoyable or erotic.

Why This Matters

There are several reasons I think we should resist the idea that chastity, by definition, incorporates a lot of other kinks some may find extreme.

First, as said, some dommes get it wrong. Some lifestyle and pro-dommes who are chastity keyholders I’ve come across, especially on social media, often make false assumptions. They come across a lot of legitimately submissive types, guys who like chastity, and also find it erotic to be called “slut,” “loser,” “sissy,” or what have you.

They meet guys who are turned on by being subjected to small penis humiliation. Dommes know some guys get a thrill out of being made to wear women’s underwear or other articles of female clothing. But, they get it wrong when they assume all guys who are into chastity are the same and want the same things. We just aren’t, and we don’t. We don’t all want a heaping helping of humiliation to go with our chastity.

Also, the way chastity is too often presented on the Internet is it goes hand in hand with a guy being submissive and desiring stuff like feminization, forced-bi, or cuckolding.

When the average Joe approaches his mostly vanilla wife or girlfriend and reveals he wants to wear a chastity device, these women often turn to the web to learn what chastity is and what a keyholder is. Many of them come away thinking chastity is bizarre and that keyholders must be foul-mouthed, whip-cracking dominatrices. They just don’t see themselves in that role and are turned off by the whole idea of chastity. What they often find is porn and don’t usually learn from the Internet stuff that chastity play can be enjoyed without any of those things. They don’t come away seeing how keyholding can be sensual, loving, and kind.

Finally, as chastity becomes more mainstream, lots of otherwise vanilla men are becoming interested in wearing chastity devices. They need to know that chastity may change them in some ways. But they also must understand putting on a chastity cage doesn’t mean they are jumping down some kink rabbit hole that is going to change them into something they don’t want.

You can find wearing a penis cage and practicing chastity enjoyable and meaningful without adding any other kinks. It’s okay if you want to incorporate other kinks, but chastity is its own thing.

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I’m Back In The Chastity Saddle Again

By on Saturday, June 13, 2020

As of Thursday, June 11, I’m back in the chastity saddle again, locked by my new keyholder who we’ll call Goddess Camille. This time we’ve agreed to a full one-month lock up. It feels good to be under the steady hand of GC once again after a few days of self-locking while wear testing the CB-6000.

Whoopi-ty-aye-yay

I go my way

Back in the saddle again

I’m also sporting a new chastity cage for the month, the Amicus from Male Chastity Now (MCN) that I recently purchased. I have to say I already love this cage, though I made errors when I ordered it.

An Amicus Experiment Gone Wrong

I’ve thought for a while now that I needed to try some new things—a 1/4-inch cage to base ring gap rather than my usual 3/8-inch gap, and an oval-shaped instead of a round base ring. Also, because my Mature Metal Watchful Mistress turned too much when I wore it with a plastic numbered lock for the first time, I thought I’d drop down to a 1-5/8 inch base ring in hopes of solving that problem. Since the MCN devices have an identical mechanism for mating the cage to the ring as MM, I decided to change all three variables when I ordered the Amicus. Mark at MCN delivered precisely what I asked for. Unfortunately, through no fault of his, it didn’t work at all.

I’ve worn a 1-5/8 inch base ring before without problems. But, I’ve never worn an oval-shaped ring, which I learned makes a significant difference. As soon as I put the ring on, I knew it was too tight. The middle of the ring behind my ball sack put a lot of compression on a spot where it didn’t feel good at all. I toughed it out for an hour, hoping it was only a new sensation I’d acclimate to, but it only got worse with time. So, immediately, I went back to the MCN site and ordered my usual 1-7/8 inch round base ring.

A Welcome Discovery

Since I’d hoped to get the Amicus in time for my first full month with GC and did, I was bummed about ordering a base ring that didn’t work. But, after taking off the ring, I noticed something. It looked very much like the base rings for my MM device. Would the rings interchange, I wondered? I grabbed my MM 1-7/8 inch round ring. Parts from different chastity devices NEVER interchange. But, to my surprise, the MM ring fit like a champ. Problem solved! I put on the MM base ring, put the cage back on, and it fit like a glove.

The Amicus Device

I’ll be doing a full review once I’ve worn the Amicus for a while, but I’ll share a few details here.

As noted on the MCN website, the Amicus is a semi-custom device meaning it is not fully customizable. MCN uses pre-made cages they get from a manufacturer in China. But, whoa Nelly! These cages are definitely nothing like the made in China cages I’ve seen in the past. They are high end, 316 surgical-grade stainless steel with smooth, symmetric welds. Similar to the Mature Metal cages, the Amicus cage is polished to a high gloss finish inside and out.

MCN uses the outsourced pre-made cages so they can offer a near custom-made product at a less expensive price point. The company does manufacture the stainless steel base rings to order. The only thing that keeps the Amicus from being a custom-made device is you can’t customize the internal diameter of the cage. They all come in the standard 1-1/4 inch size. For me, that wasn’t a problem. I usually wear devices with a 1-3/8 inch ID, but the 1-1/4 works fine. For someone new to the chastity lifestyle and on a budget, this is an ideal situation.

There are plenty of options available for the Amicus. You can get the base ring with a specific ID (1-5/8 – 2-1/4), a customized ring-to-cage gap (1/4, 3/8, or 1/2), And, there are three different cage lengths to choose from that will accommodate flaccid penis lengths from two to three inches. You also have a choice between a padlock or a security screw.

MCN Quality And Service

From an aesthetic point of view, I loved the looks of my Amicus right out of the box. The craftsmanship and quality, in my estimation, compares most favorably with that of my MM device.

Shipping was unbelievably fast! Four days after I placed my order, the Amicus was in my mailbox. I’m wearing the device for the third day, after sleeping in it the last two nights. I haven’t had a single problem with it since I worked out my base ring ordering error. The cage fits me perfectly. I absolutely would not hesitate to buy from MCN again. That’s great for me since I ordered the Amicus as a trial run before ordering MCN’s fully customizable Contender. I’m sure I’ll be doing that soon since I am delighted with my first MCN experience.

If you’re in the market for a quality stainless steel chastity cage with a price that won’t break the bank, have a look at the Amicus. Though it’s not fully custom, it’s a great semi-custom option at an excellent price.

Also, if you make a measurement mistake or want minor adjustments, no worries. Mark, the owner of MCN, is very responsive, knowledgeable, and will give you a quick turnaround, based on what some of my other chastity friends who buy from him have told me.

I’ll be posting a full review of the Amicus soon, and I’ll be providing updates to my one-month lock up for GC.

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Guide To Finding A Professional Chastity Keyholder

By on Monday, June 8, 2020

This post, a guide to finding a professional chastity keyholder, is meant for guys who aren’t in a relationship and who want an actual keyholder. Sometimes single chaste men are between relationships, and just don’t have a friend they feel comfortable asking to hold their keys. When DIY chastity gets too hard, maybe it’s time to find some professional help.

Keyholding services within the Femdom community are offered by professional dominatrices, pro-dommes, lifestyle mistresses, and others. The number of women providing keyholding services seems to be soaring right on pace with the growing interest among males to wear chastity devices.

As a guy who has used online prop chastity keyholders, I’ll offer here some advice and tips I learned from trial and error. After reading this post, you should be able to find the right pro for you, even if it’s your first time.

What Are Pro Keyholding Services?

Professional keyholding services are literally that. Someone holds the keys to a chastity device for a fee. Usually, it’s a dominant woman experienced in male chastity who holds the keys to a guy’s chastity device, without necessarily having any other sort of relationship with him.

The length of time the keys are held can vary. Depending on the specific set-up of your keyholding service, the duration may be pre-arranged, or it can be open-ended. In that case, it’s up to the discretion of the keyholder, unless you request an early release and she permits it, of course.

How Much Does Pro Keyholding Cost?

As with most other for-fee services, the costs for pro keyholding vary widely. Since each keyholder sets her prices, there doesn’t seem to be any set going rate for these services. Each keyholder sets the price she feels her keyholding service is worth, and that’s the price you’ll need to pay. Some keyholders have a set price across the board. Others tailor their prices according to the person, and the particulars of the services provided. Often a keyholder sets her prices based on her popularity within chastity circles and her level of expertise.

Expect to pay more for services from a keyholder who has no difficulty acquiring clients or keeping the number of clients she wants, and those who have a lot of chastity experience.

Also, the specific type of keyholder makes a difference. As a rule, expect to pay a professional dominatrix more than a pro-domme and a pro-domme more than a lifestyle mistress. That has to do both mostly with the breadth of services some keyholders offer in comparison to others.

Price Comparisons

You can find professionals who will simply be your keyholder if that’s what you want. There won’t be any frills or extras with such an arrangement. They will lock you and then hold the keys for the agreed upon duration. Others also offer additional services like periodic check-ins to make sure you’ve remained locked and tease and denial services.

For basic online keyholding services, I’ve seen prices that range from $35 per week for a lifestyle mistress to $300 per week for a professional dominatrix. Dominatrices and some pro-dommes tend to be full-time sex workers who make their livings from indulging the kinks and sexual fantasies of their clients. They are often highly skilled and experienced. Many of them have formalized training. It’s only to be expected that their services command the highest prices.

Recently, I looked at the website of a pro-domme who offers keyholding services. Her fees for someone looking only for their chastity device keys to be held is $60 per week. If a person requests tease and denial throughout the keyholding, the price increases to between $125 and $200 per week. She explains the added costs are because of photographs she must take and send, the teasing emails she must carefully draft, and the other forms of teasing she adds to create a “tortuous” chastity experience clients will enjoy.

Personally, I have paid between $20 and $50 per week for online keyholding services that included keyholding and some form of teasing and denial. I’ve only used lifestyle mistresses, women for whom keyholding is only a side gig, not a full-time job. That has been a conscious choice. I consider the amounts I’ve paid reasonable and the services I’ve received well worth the investment. Maybe I’m cheap, but I can’t imagine paying $200-$300 a week to satisfy my chastity kink, especially when I’m only interested in online services.

Available Services

As with prices, some professional keyholders offer a standard service across the board, whereas others will tailor their services in a la carte fashion according to the wishes of the client. There is a set rate for the basic keyholding, and then you pay extra for any additional services you select from a menu of options.

Here is a list of additional services you can expect to find to go along with keyholding.

  • Keyholder supervised lock up via an audio-video platform like Skype.
  • Teasing via an audio-video platform.
  • Teasing by email or text.
  • Teasing by phone (usually via a platform like Nite Flirt with per-minute charges).
  • Teasing erotic photos taken and sent by the keyholder.
  • Small penis humiliation (SPH) via an audio-video platform, webcam, or submitted images.
  • Periodic surprise lock up verification checks where you must submit a proof photo with a specified time.
  • Weekly lock up verification checks by photo submission.
  • Locks (you pay for) provided by the keyholder and sent by mail to which she retains all the keys.
  • “Property of” tags (you pay for) with the name of the keyholder inscribed on them, which you can attach to your chastity device.

 

Most of the services on the list are purchased a la carte and paid for in addition to the basic keyholding service. However, I’ve seen a few professional dominatrices who insist on supervising lock up via an audio-video platform or webcam.

Chastity services provided via Skype or similar audio-video platforms are the most expensive as time must usually be purchased in hourly blocks. You pay essentially the same hourly rates that a professional charges local clients for face-to-face services delivered at her dungeon or some other private setting.

A Word About Professional Keyholders

Whether or not a pro keyholder identifies as a sex worker, you can be certain of one thing. These ladies are not prostitutes. They will not have sex with you in person and will not have cybersex with you online. They may require you to perform sexual acts like edging to accomplish teasing, but they won’t perform sexual acts for you. It’s always a dominant-submissive dynamic, and they are the dominants. They command, and you obey.

Before You Contact A Pro

A professional domme with years of experience I’m acquainted with offers these common-sense suggestions to guys looking for their first pro keyholder.

Before reaching out to a pro, know what it is you want. Do you want someone to simply hold your keys? For some guys, this is all they need, a keyholder to enforce their chastity, so they don’t have to depend on willpower alone. Other guys want teasing to go with the denial. Still, others want to be subjected to periodic surprise inspections to verify they are still locked. The reason it’s so important to know what you want is that’s the only way to judge compatibility with a prospective pro. Does she offer the services you want in the way you want them delivered and at a price you’re willing to pay?

Once you know what services you want, it’s time to start looking at some potential professionals. The easiest way to find them is the Internet. You can just Google “chastity keyholders” and get a lot of links to the websites of professional keyholders. Also, there are various Mistress directory websites online you can consult. You can even find keyholders on social media. Searching the hashtag #keyholder will lead you to some possibilities. Though in my experience, most professional keyholders don’t prefer you to make initial contact with them on social media. Most have websites and have a specific form they expect prospective clients to fill out. That lets them decide whether they feel a client is a good fit before discussing particular services and fees.

My pro acquaintance recommends that you only consider professionals who have a website. That’s an indication of legitimacy. She warns so-called “dommes” are a dime a dozen on social media, and BDSM websites and kinky dating apps are overflowing with fakes who try to shill you out of money.

When you start looking at websites, read them thoroughly. Read as much as possible before corresponding with the keyholder. Her website is there for a reason—to give the viewer an understanding of what she offers. You can get an idea of who she is by how she presents herself online. Does she sound like she knows what she’s talking about? Once you’ve read over the website of someone who interests you, then you can check out her social media presence where she interacts with other professionals. Seeing how she talks shop with other professionals on social media can provide you with an invaluable insight into her perspective on chastity, and give you an idea of her personality.

Remember, the information on a professional keyholder’s website is there for a reason. If you don’t read it, the mistress will have to answer questions, and repeat the details she has already provided on her website. Mistresses find that annoying. You don’t want to be annoying, do you? Being annoying can mean getting rejected. These ladies are always plagued by “time wasters,” guys who want their attention, but who will never pay for services. Failure to do your due diligence might be interpreted by a potential pro to mean that you fall into the time waster category. Then they will ignore you.

First Contact

Once you’ve looked at websites and narrowed it down to one or two (or maybe three) potential keyholders, it’s time to make the first contact. Usually, you will find a contact form on the websites. Fill it out clearly, succinctly, and with as much detail as you can about exactly what you’re looking for. Short one-sentence messages show zero effort. If you put zero effort into the first contact, the pro will also probably put zero effort into a response. Thought and consideration make applicants stand out. You want to stand out because many of these ladies can afford to be particular about who they accept as clients and are. Treat it like a job application. Try to impress. Be on your best behavior. Be courteous, polite, and give as much info on yourself and desires as reasonably possible. Do tell them how much experience you have with wearing chastity devices if applicable. Then wait for a reply. In my experience, professionals reply to inquires promptly, usually within a day or two at most.

Next Step

Once a pro responds to your initial contact, if they are interested, it will spark a discussion, usually in the form of a few email exchanges. Some will ask for more information. If she asks specific questions out of you, answer them. It’s a very straightforward process. Chances are she has done this thousands of times already and knows exactly what she needs to ask and what information she needs to have. Answer the questions truthfully. Don’t omit information because you feel embarrassed about something. If you’re embarrassed about your needs and desires, I guarantee that they will never be met and fulfilled.

Pro keyholders may ask you to list your “limits.” Most of them will. If you’re not familiar with limits, it is simply things you are unwilling to do with regard to your chastity experience. For example, you won’t provide images of you wearing a chastity device that shows your face. Or, you won’t engage in Skype calls or appear on a webcam.

Limits is a term used by “play partners” in BDSM and other power exchange relationships. Since the relationship between a chastity device wearer and his keyholder is a power exchange relationship, limits are a necessary part of chastity agreements. Limits can cover a lot of things. You may want to review a play partner play list like the one on this website. Consider any of the activities that might be used in tease and denial with an eye for things you would or wouldn’t be willing to do.

Agreement Or Contract

Once the professional has a firm idea of what you want and you a good idea of what services she can or will provide, it’s decision time. If you feel you have found a keyholder who will be a good fit for you, she will send you a written agreement or contract to sign that contains the details of what you both have agreed to. As a minimum, the agreement will include—duration of the agreement, services the keyholder will provide, keyholder’s rules or expectations, “proof of lock” procedure, cancellation rights and process, fees, and how you will pay the keyholder.

Fixed Duration Or Open-Ended

Most professionals offer either fixed duration keyholding or open-ended keyholding. Fixed duration means a specific length of time—two weeks, one month, two months, etc. Open-ended means keyholding service agreements with no specified end date. The agreement continues as long as you pay the required fees.

Based on my experience, I recommend going with a fixed duration agreement first. Ideally, two-weeks if the professional you’re considering offers that. One month would be the next option, which is usually available. This gives you and the keyholder the chance to see how well you work together. After that “trial” period you can decide whether you want to transition to an open-ended agreement.

The thing about open-ended contracts is they often include a “penalty” fee, an amount you are expected to pay the keyholder if you decide to terminate the keyholding service. Will the keyholder turn you over to a collection agency or sue if you don’t pay the cancellation fee?  No, chastity keyholding agreements aren’t enforceable in the courts. But, if you stiff a professional keyholder, expect her to tell other professionals about you. They talk with each other. You will find it difficult, if not impossible, to get another professional to take you on. If you object to paying cancellation fees, don’t agree to them at the start.

How Pros Enforce Chastity

Except for keyholders who use Skype or webcams, the most common “proof of locked” procedure is the chastity device wearer sends a photo to the keyholder showing the device locked in place. Some keyholders will require that a newspaper or something else showing the current date be included in the image. Also, some keyholders will sell you a lock and mail it to you, and they will keep the keys.

Because other chastity device locking options are rapidly replacing the padlock, like integrated “magic” locks and security screws, professional keyholders have other “proof of locked” procedure options. As an example, with my first pro keyholder, I purchased a small, inexpensive safe designed for connection to WiFi. Once I transferred the control over the safe to my keyholder, only she could open it via a remote control app on her smartphone. I had to send her a video of me locking my keys in the safe. Then only she could open the safe to give me access to them. There are lots of other procedures in use that deny the device wearer access to the keys.

Numbered plastic locks are also popular options. You lock your device with one and then take and send a photo clearly showing the number on the lock. The lock can only be removed by cutting it off. That makes it obvious the wearer has removed the device if he does so without the permission of the keyholder.

There are still a few keyholders who will allow you to physically mail your keys to them. But, this is becoming rare. For obvious reasons, keyholders are not going to give clients their home address. To accept physical keys, they must maintain a commercial mailbox, which is another expense.

Regardless of the procedure, your keyholder will explain what her requirements are.

Wrap Up

Long-distance keyholding is not foolproof. You can probably find a way to cheat if you wish to do so. But if you lie about being locked in chastity, when you aren’t, you only rob yourself of a real experience. Also, if a keyholder catches you cheating, she will kick you to the curb. And, yes, you’re name will get out there in the professional keyholder community, and you won’t be welcomed by another professional.

Some keyholders have specific qualifications for clients. Some won’t accept clients under a particular age, like twenty-one. I know of one who only takes clients who are age thirty and over. Some won’t accept clients who are married or in a committed relationship.

Lastly, some keyholders require regular communication, especially with clients who are new to wearing chastity devices. They should explain those requirements to you in detail before you sign an agreement.

Hopefully, after reading this post, you now feel confident that you can contact a professional keyholder and negotiate a keyholding agreement that suits your needs. Sure, I suppose if we had the choice, none of us would wish to pay for keyholding. But, professional keyholders provide a valuable service. Without them, a lot of guys would have only the option to self-lock. I’ve had great experiences with those I’ve used.

 

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