Most keyholders, particularly a truly dominant woman, much prefer locking up a man’s cock to be a source of anguish and torture, not something that turns him on, which seems logical. With the first week of Denial December in the books, my new keyholder and I have been getting better acquainted. While we chatted yesterday, the conversation turned to how I was holding up after over 200 days without an orgasm. “How desperate do you feel to cum?” she asked. My response surprised her. I told her the character of the need for an orgasm changes after so much time, and admitted I wasn’t suffering, or feeling desperate at all to have an orgasm. In fact, I wasn’t finding Denial December, much like NOvember was, not very challenging. My candor may have sunk my plan to complete my third month-long locked and orgasm free challenge in a row. Amanda feels my lack of anguish and desperation makes finishing Denial December in that state rather pointless.
One of the most important decisions a keyholder must make is how long she makes her locked male wait between orgasms. It’s important because the time between orgasms is such a significant part of male chastity fantasies. At least initially, fueled mostly by chastity fiction and porn, many men develop a desperate desire to have a keyholder in charge of their cock and a heartfelt wish to have their orgasms controlled and denied. The longer, the better.
As a result, the internet abounds with forums and blogs dedicated to chastity and the orgasm denial theme. Given the folklore surrounding the male need to near constantly play with himself, masturbate and ejaculate, many women have difficulty understanding why men would so strongly desire something that prevents their orgasms or even touching their cock without permission from a wife, partner, or other keyholder. Yet these men want a keyholder to tease and deny them to the nth degree. They ask for it, even beg for it, and if their pleas get ignored, fantasize about it.
The March Toward Permanent Chastity
It’s really not a great mystery why so many guys desire chastity, especially after they get a taste of it. Orgasm denial produces increased sexual desire, and sexual desire is pleasurable. Once you’re locked in a chastity device, sexual desire (horniness) builds and builds. And it feels really good.
Once I adjusted to wearing a chastity device for weeks or a month at a time, I discovered something. My desire reached peaks I had ever experienced, and it felt intensely pleasurable. Again, no mystery there. Sexual desire feels good. It’s a different type of pleasure than that felt when having an orgasm and ejaculating, but in some respects, I think growing intense desire sustained for weeks at a time is more pleasurable than those few seconds of pleasure we get from orgasms.
I think it’s basic human nature to think if a little of something is good, a lot of it will be fantastic. So, a common theory among men who practice chastity is the longer they stay locked and denied, the hornier they will get and the better it will feel. Once a guy’s body and mind can tolerate a chastity device for weeks at a time, most begin thinking about how amazing permanent chastity would be. What’s not to like? Horny feels good and getting hornier and hornier and hornier will feel amazing. But does it really work that way? In my experience, no. No, it doesn’t. That’s because you reach an inevitable point of diminishing returns.
Men Are All Different
Men are all different. Yes, we share similar genitalia and the same evolutionary sexual programming. But we all differ on things like how frequently we feel the urge to orgasm and ejaculate. That means I can’t honestly claim all men respond to chastity and orgasm denial the way I do. But I strongly suspect a majority of us do.
This has been my experience. Before I began wearing chastity devices, after an orgasm, my refractory period was pretty short, especially in my twenties and thirties. After about a day, I was ready to orgasm again. And within three days, I desperately wanted to orgasm again.
I’ve been fortunate to have had three past partners who wanted sex almost every day, and I never had a problem keeping up with them. Even so, I still masturbated often on the side to keep up with my libido. And when I was single and not getting regular partner sex, I masturbated at least once a day and more often when I had too much spare time on my hands or felt bored. I’ve never felt I was oversexed. I think I’ve had a fairly normal male libido.
Four years ago, I discovered chastity and have worn a chastity device regularly ever since. That changed me a lot, not the least of which it changed my masturbation habits. These days, after an orgasm and I’m locked again in a device, the first two or three days aren’t that hard, but by the fourth, I really feel a strong need for sexual release. That usually lasts until about the seventh or eighth day. Then the urgency to orgasm and ejaculate lessens as my level of desire climbs. The sheer pleasure of the growing, sustained desire captures my focus. This continues for weeks.
Occasionally, I’ll feel insanely horny and feel a powerful urge for sexual release, but it always subsides quickly. Then I return to the blissful pleasure of extreme horniness unrequited. The longest period I’ve sustained these feelings was about eight weeks when Lucie was my keyholder. Then my arousal ebbed, and I had bouts of high sexual frustration.
As I stayed locked and denied for another couple of weeks, the frustration went away as I settled at a reduced but constant level of arousal. I call that state a plateau. My sexual desire didn’t drop further, but it didn’t climb either except when Lucie teased me. But even then, the heightened arousal was transitory. After an hour or two, I dropped right back to that plateau baseline.
Now, at well over 200 days since my last orgasm, I’m firmly entrenched at the plateau stage. Sure, if Amanda offered me the chance to have an orgasm, I would take it. But I just don’t feel desperate to have one. I don’t think about having one all the time. Hardley ever, in fact. And that’s what I told Amanda as I explained the character of the need to orgasm changes with time. And I’m at the point where I’m not feeling any desperation at all. That’s why Denial December feels easy. I explained to Amanda I will stay at the plateau until I have an orgasm and then everything will reset and I will start the cycle all over again. Learning I wasn’t suffering or feeling any desperation or frustration did not impress Amanda.
Why I Probably Won't Successfully Complete DD
I suspect it doesn’t work the same for wives and partners who key hold for their men. After all, a woman who locks her husband because he asked her to, maybe even begged her to, loves him and cares about him. She may not desire to watch him suffer from the desperate need for sexual release. But it doesn’t work that way with pro-domme keyholders. They want you to suffer, to feel sexually frustrated and desperate.
A dominant woman wants the cage and the denial to be a source of anguish and torture, not something that only turns a guy on. They see the frustration, need, and desperation as your act of service and sacrifice for them. Amanda said, if it takes a reset to put me into the proper state of mind, so be it. She doesn’t want chastity to be something I simply find comfortable and pleasurable. She didn’t say when it will happen, but told me I won’t go the entire month of December without an orgasm.
Yes, that will disappoint me because I’ve looked forward to completing all three of the major chastity challenges consecutively without breaks or orgasms. But Amanda is within her rights. As my keyholder, she controls my orgasms. She doesn’t just deny them. If she wants me to orgasm, then she gets it. Amanda is in charge. My penis is her property to use as she wishes. It isn’t up to me. Of course, Amanda will keep me locked the rest of the month, but it seems unlikely I’ll successfully complete this Denial December orgasm-free.
In The Pink
Since she insists on a hygiene unlock every week, Amanda allowed me to switch to my new Fusion Pink Cobra N+ afterward.
Actually, now that I’ve had the chance to try it on, I’m happy I ordered the N+ instead of the small. It’s a perfect fit. My Cobra N is about 3/4 inch shorter than my average flaccid penis length. The N+ feels just right. My tip rests firmly against the nose of the cage but without the compression effect of the N and feels very comfortable.
As I’ve mentioned, the surface of this device doesn’t feel as smooth as my black Cobra N. I think that gives the base ring slightly more grip, but it doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all. I’m very pleased with it. I’ll be wearing the Fusion Pink N+ the rest of the month and will post a full review soon.
