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A Debate Over Orgasm Denial and Chastity

By Chaste on Friday, December 29, 2023

Quite often I see it suggested in forum discussions and blogs about male chastity that orgasm denial is not only the height of it but the whole point of chastity. Sentiments to the effect that we shouldn’t even call it chastity but enforced orgasm denial. Though I agree orgasm denial powers much of the experiences that we derive from it, I think there is a lot more to chastity than just orgasm denial.

To begin with, let’s define what orgasm denial means. Concisely put, it is the practice of delaying or denying orgasm to either oneself or a partner during some sexual activity. Whether we’re approaching it from the perspective of ancient texts such as the Kama Sutra, or the view from BDSM, which in modern times has played a significant role in popularizing and normalizing orgasm denial, many people engage in the practice for its various benefits. Having more intense and pleasurable orgasms later on after building up your sexual desire by delaying gratification is but one of the physical and psychological benefits of orgasm denial.

Psychologically, orgasm denial can serve as a form of power exchange between partners, with one person taking control and the other submitting. It can also be a way to explore and push boundaries, as well as to deepen intimacy and trust in a relationship. There are various ways to practice orgasm denial, with edging, teasing, and total denial being some of the more common techniques. There are a lot of ways to incorporate orgasm denial into a relationship. One of those ways is using a chastity device.

Male Chastity

Here the focus is on male chastity, not only because that is the subject of this blog. It’s also because men are more interested in practicing chastity than women. Not to say there aren’t chastity belts women can wear. There are and some women enjoy wearing them and practicing chastity, but the numbers are not even close to the number of men who want to wear chastity devices.

Having some experience with subjecting women to orgasm denial in the context of dominance and submission, here is what I’ve observed. With only a few exceptions, I have observed that women don’t enjoy long periods of orgasm denial. Most, after only a short period, become irritable, disagreeable, and frustrated.

Instead of increasing sexual desire, persisting with orgasm denial past a certain point causes women to lose all interest in sexual activity. Many men, on the other hand, thrive when denied orgasms for long periods and for them, desire rises and can remain at high levels consistently for weeks as long as they receive regular teasing. While I have no human sexuality research training or qualifications, I suspect from what I’ve observed, the difference in response to orgasm denial is simply a product of the difference between the male and female libido. And that is why the practice of chastity is more popular with men than women.

Too Much of a Good Thing

I respond to orgasm denial in the same way as most males. When wearing a chastity device and denied, my desire rises and stays at a high level for weeks on end with consistent teasing. I find that pleasurable because desire feels good. Yes, I also experience frustration, but it’s a sweet form of torture. I take a lot longer to reach it than women, but eventually, just like women, I too arrive at a point when the denial goes on too long where my desire falls and I lose interest in sexual activity.

At least in my experience, there comes a point when orgasm denial can become too much of a good thing and no longer feels pleasurable. When that happens, no amount of teasing increases my desire. That doesn’t change until I orgasm and my body resets. Then I’m ready for another round. That is one reason I have never viewed orgasm denial as the be all and end all of chastity as some do. To me, chastity and wearing chastity devices specifically are more about orgasm control than orgasm denial. While some conflate them, permanent chastity and permanent denial are not the same thing.

Orgasm Control Versus Orgasm Denial

It’s actually difficult to find an accurate definition of orgasm control with a web search these days, which wasn’t true when I first got involved in kink. Why? Because these days, most people treat orgasm control and orgasm denial as if the terms are interchangeable. They aren’t. In the context of male chastity, orgasm control can include orgasm denial, but it is so much more than just that. Orgasm control can mean any of several sexual activities involving delaying, denying, allowing, or even forcing orgasm, sometimes in combination. Viewing male chastity as nothing more than total orgasm denial is at best a myopic perspective. Yet more and more people embracing the male chastity kink are simultaneously embracing this point of view.

Among the male wearers of chastity devices, crowing about how many months or years have passed since your last unlock and last orgasm or when your partner last allowed you to have sex with them have become the currency of the various forums and blogs devoted to male chastity discussions. For more and more keyholders, from spouses to partners to professionals, the mantra is to keep your male permanently locked and denied. This is the cornerstone of happiness for both you and him. Many keyholders believe it best to strike a balance between keeping their male completely denied while not extinguishing all hope that he might at some future time gain sexual release. Meanwhile, the keyholder gets her sexual needs met by her dedicated male pleasuring her whenever and however she wants it, or better yet, by cuckolding him and having another less submissive and better endowed male pleasuring her sexually. I think this total orgasm denial approach is the way where madness lies and it is also more the stuff of fantasy than reality.

Could Orgasm Control Chastity Be the More Realistic Approach?

By definition, wearing a chastity device with another holding the keys means ceding control of both your penis and your access to sexual pleasure and orgasms to another. And for it to work, you must allow the keyholder to exercise control or else the entire arrangement is a sham and unworkable. But giving up such control does not mean you’ve acquiesced to a permanent orgasm embargo.

Like any kink, chastity requires the consent of both parties. I’m fine with wearing a chastity device and surrendering control to a keyholder on a more or less continuous basis. But I don’t see the wisdom of consenting to never getting an orgasm or even getting only one or two per year. That’s because I know that’s unrealistic.

I know that when orgasm denial goes on for too long, my arousal plateaus and no amount of teasing will revive it. Absent those powerfully pleasing feelings of constant heightened arousal, I will no longer desire chastity. In fact, I will grow to resent it. Yes, I understand a keyholder may much prefer the locked and denied me over me who has had an orgasm recently. But I know she will also not prefer the plateaued me that she has kept in denial for too long when I become resentful, surly, and uncooperative.

Yes, she is entitled to exercise the control I’ve surrendered to her. She may deny me at her whim, but only within reason, for both our sakes. That’s why a wise keyholder employs all the tools from the orgasm control arsenal, not just continual total denial. I think orgasm denial in chastity is best thought of in terms of delay rather than complete negation. While the keyholder most definitely should decide the when, it should never be a question of if regarding a chastised male’s opportunity to orgasm. That doesn’t mean she should allow orgasms liberally, but should allow them regularly.

Length of Denial Best Practices

There is a school of thought shared by many experienced keyholders I agree with. Once a male has acclimated to wearing a chastity device more or less comfortably for an extended period, the initial lockup period should be 90 days. That is the minimum time necessary to give him an experience like none he has ever had before. And at the end of the 90 days, when the keyholder, after lots of teasing, finally lets him cum, it will happen quickly and feel almost too intense for his body to handle. The 90 days will also allow him time to truly embrace chastity and for the keyholder to establish her authority.

After the initial lockup, I see no valid reason for a keyholder to keep her male locked and denied for over three months ever again. There are different views about how often a keyholder should allow her male to cum after the initial denial period. But the measure used should be weeks, not months and definitely not years if a keyholder and her male expect the best results.

For a younger male, the keyholder may let him have an orgasm about once a week. That’s still a large reduction for someone who probably masturbated to orgasm daily besides any sex he enjoyed. For keyholders with older males, the period between orgasms might be about 14 days, 21 days, or even a month. It should never be exactly the same number of days because the keyholder doesn’t want her male to predict when she will allow him an orgasm. And it needn’t always be a full, unrestricted orgasm.

Ruined orgasms can work just as well without decreasing the male’s level of arousal much at all. Yet a ruined orgasm will prevent his arousal from plateauing, which a keyholder should always want to avoid.

Establishing the proper interval between orgasms is a function of observation. After the initial 90-day lockup and first release, a keyholder need only observe her male after relocking him to see how long he stays in that “sweet spot” of increased focus and attentiveness. Once he becomes surly or resentful, even with consistent teasing, that shows it is time she should allow him a release or some type.

Another technique a keyholder can use is milking (stimulating the prostate gland until the male expresses prostate fluid). Milking accomplished a similar purpose as ruined orgasms, avoiding plateauing while only modestly lowering a male’s arousal. He won’t have to start over at ground zero before his desire peaks again. Yet another tactic a keyholder can use is allowing only an in cage orgasm with the application of a powerful vibrator to the cage. Many men describe in cage orgasms as feeling similar to ruined orgasms. That’s because it’s an orgasm in the absence of a full erection. These alternative techniques help the occasional full, unrestricted orgasm to remain something special for the male, allowed by the keyholder only on special occasions.

Total Denial Chastity May Not Be Healthy

Having read many chastity forum and blog posts, I’ve noticed something I find disturbing. It seems many men kept in near total orgasm denial develop almost a version of Stockholm syndrome, a condition seen in hostage-taking, kidnapping, and abusive relationships.

The power imbalance is so great and the psychological connection between the chastised male and keyholder so profound that the male grows so sympathetic to his keyholder’s needs and desires he loses the ability to consider his own. He believes he is unworthy of even having penetrative sex with his spouse or partner because his penis is inadequate to give her the pleasure and satisfaction she deserves. This makes him feel unworthy of even engaging in self-pleasure or of having orgasms.

From there, it becomes quite easy for him to rationalize his keyholder has every right to get her sexual gratification from another, more well-endowed male capable of satisfying her. He not only approves of it, but encourages it and some will eagerly help procure more worthy sexual partners for their wife or partner. And these days, there are plenty of books and blogs written by FLR advocates who encourage keyholders to embrace cuckolding and give them tips on how to sell the idea to their chastised males.

Just like the actual Stockholm syndrome, this chastity version brought about by total denial chastity is unhealthy, bordering on abuse. There are powerful, naturally produced chemicals circulating in the brains of a man denied orgasms for an extended period. I’m convinced the longer this goes on, the less able a man is to make good decisions on his own behalf. After all, these same chemicals have given rise to the maxim that “men think with their penis” justified because many men, during times of extreme sexual arousal, often make poor decisions that they end up regretting in the interest of sexual gratification. I think there can come a point where a denied male isn’t even capable of giving informed consent. Could this explain the current rising popularity of cuckolding and feminization in chastity circles?

For me, the best and healthiest approach is to separate chastity fantasy from chastity reality. And doing that means not viewing male chastity as the zero-sum game of total denial (or near to it) as the pinnacle of the chastity experience. Instead, I believe it’s orgasm control that should be the focus. It isn’t up to me to prescribe a right way or judge a wrong way of doing chastity. Here I’m speaking only about myself. And I believe there is a lot more to chastity than just orgasm denial. At least, I think there should be.

time locked in chastity

Chastity and How the Character of The Need Changes With Time

By Chaste on Saturday, December 9, 2023

Most keyholders, particularly a truly dominant woman, much prefer locking up a man’s cock to be a source of anguish and torture, not something that turns him on, which seems logical. With the first week of Denial December in the books, my new keyholder and I have been getting better acquainted. While we chatted yesterday, the conversation turned to how I was holding up after over 200 days without an orgasm. “How desperate do you feel to cum?” she asked. My response surprised her. I told her the character of the need for an orgasm changes after so much time, and admitted I wasn’t suffering, or feeling desperate at all to have an orgasm. In fact, I wasn’t finding Denial December, much like NOvember was, not very challenging. My candor may have sunk my plan to complete my third month-long locked and orgasm free challenge in a row. Amanda feels my lack of anguish and desperation makes finishing Denial December in that state rather pointless.

One of the most important decisions a keyholder must make is how long she makes her locked male wait between orgasms. It’s important because the time between orgasms is such a significant part of male chastity fantasies. At least initially, fueled mostly by chastity fiction and porn, many men develop a desperate desire to have a keyholder in charge of their cock and a heartfelt wish to have their orgasms controlled and denied. The longer, the better.

As a result, the internet abounds with forums and blogs dedicated to chastity and the orgasm denial theme. Given the folklore surrounding the male need to near constantly play with himself, masturbate and ejaculate, many women have difficulty understanding why men would so strongly desire something that prevents their orgasms or even touching their cock without permission from a wife, partner, or other keyholder. Yet these men want a keyholder to tease and deny them to the nth degree. They ask for it, even beg for it, and if their pleas get ignored, fantasize about it.

The March Toward Permanent Chastity

It’s really not a great mystery why so many guys desire chastity, especially after they get a taste of it. Orgasm denial produces increased sexual desire, and sexual desire is pleasurable. Once you’re locked in a chastity device, sexual desire (horniness) builds and builds. And it feels really good.

Once I adjusted to wearing a chastity device for weeks or a month at a time, I discovered something. My desire reached peaks I had ever experienced, and it felt intensely pleasurable. Again, no mystery there. Sexual desire feels good. It’s a different type of pleasure than that felt when having an orgasm and ejaculating, but in some respects, I think growing intense desire sustained for weeks at a time is more pleasurable than those few seconds of pleasure we get from orgasms.

I think it’s basic human nature to think if a little of something is good, a lot of it will be fantastic. So, a common theory among men who practice chastity is the longer they stay locked and denied, the hornier they will get and the better it will feel. Once a guy’s body and mind can tolerate a chastity device for weeks at a time, most begin thinking about how amazing permanent chastity would be. What’s not to like? Horny feels good and getting hornier and hornier and hornier will feel amazing. But does it really work that way? In my experience, no. No, it doesn’t. That’s because you reach an inevitable point of diminishing returns.

Men Are All Different

Men are all different. Yes, we share similar genitalia and the same evolutionary sexual programming. But we all differ on things like how frequently we feel the urge to orgasm and ejaculate. That means I can’t honestly claim all men respond to chastity and orgasm denial the way I do. But I strongly suspect a majority of us do.

This has been my experience. Before I began wearing chastity devices, after an orgasm, my refractory period was pretty short, especially in my twenties and thirties. After about a day, I was ready to orgasm again. And within three days, I desperately wanted to orgasm again.

I’ve been fortunate to have had three past partners who wanted sex almost every day, and I never had a problem keeping up with them. Even so, I still masturbated often on the side to keep up with my libido. And when I was single and not getting regular partner sex, I masturbated at least once a day and more often when I had too much spare time on my hands or felt bored. I’ve never felt I was oversexed. I think I’ve had a fairly normal male libido.

Four years ago, I discovered chastity and have worn a chastity device regularly ever since. That changed me a lot, not the least of which it changed my masturbation habits. These days, after an orgasm and I’m locked again in a device, the first two or three days aren’t that hard, but by the fourth, I really feel a strong need for sexual release. That usually lasts until about the seventh or eighth day. Then the urgency to orgasm and ejaculate lessens as my level of desire climbs. The sheer pleasure of the growing, sustained desire captures my focus. This continues for weeks.

Occasionally, I’ll feel insanely horny and feel a powerful urge for sexual release, but it always subsides quickly. Then I return to the blissful pleasure of extreme horniness unrequited. The longest period I’ve sustained these feelings was about eight weeks when Lucie was my keyholder. Then my arousal ebbed, and I had bouts of high sexual frustration.

As I stayed locked and denied for another couple of weeks, the frustration went away as I settled at a reduced but constant level of arousal. I call that state a plateau. My sexual desire didn’t drop further, but it didn’t climb either except when Lucie teased me. But even then, the heightened arousal was transitory. After an hour or two, I dropped right back to that plateau baseline.

Now, at well over 200 days since my last orgasm, I’m firmly entrenched at the plateau stage. Sure, if Amanda offered me the chance to have an orgasm, I would take it. But I just don’t feel desperate to have one. I don’t think about having one all the time. Hardley ever, in fact. And that’s what I told Amanda as I explained the character of the need to orgasm changes with time. And I’m at the point where I’m not feeling any desperation at all. That’s why Denial December feels easy. I explained to Amanda I will stay at the plateau until I have an orgasm and then everything will reset and I will start the cycle all over again. Learning I wasn’t suffering or feeling any desperation or frustration did not impress Amanda.

Why I Probably Won't Successfully Complete DD

I suspect it doesn’t work the same for wives and partners who key hold for their men. After all, a woman who locks her husband because he asked her to, maybe even begged her to, loves him and cares about him. She may not desire to watch him suffer from the desperate need for sexual release. But it doesn’t work that way with pro-domme keyholders. They want you to suffer, to feel sexually frustrated and desperate.

A dominant woman wants the cage and the denial to be a source of anguish and torture, not something that only turns a guy on. They see the frustration, need, and desperation as your act of service and sacrifice for them. Amanda said, if it takes a reset to put me into the proper state of mind, so be it. She doesn’t want chastity to be something I simply find comfortable and pleasurable. She didn’t say when it will happen, but told me I won’t go the entire month of December without an orgasm.

Yes, that will disappoint me because I’ve looked forward to completing all three of the major chastity challenges consecutively without breaks or orgasms. But Amanda is within her rights. As my keyholder, she controls my orgasms. She doesn’t just deny them. If she wants me to orgasm, then she gets it. Amanda is in charge. My penis is her property to use as she wishes. It isn’t up to me. Of course, Amanda will keep me locked the rest of the month, but it seems unlikely I’ll successfully complete this Denial December orgasm-free.

In The Pink

Since she insists on a hygiene unlock every week, Amanda allowed me to switch to my new Fusion Pink Cobra N+ afterward.

Actually, now that I’ve had the chance to try it on, I’m happy I ordered the N+ instead of the small. It’s a perfect fit. My Cobra N is about 3/4 inch shorter than my average flaccid penis length. The N+ feels just right. My tip rests firmly against the nose of the cage but without the compression effect of the N and feels very comfortable.

As I’ve mentioned, the surface of this device doesn’t feel as smooth as my black Cobra N. I think that gives the base ring slightly more grip, but it doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all. I’m very pleased with it. I’ll be wearing the Fusion Pink N+ the rest of the month and will post a full review soon.

male chastity sexuality

A Woman Struggles to Understand Why Men Desire Chastity

By Chaste on Friday, November 24, 2023

Recently I read an interesting blog post written by a dominant woman who struggled to understand why so many men get turned on by wearing chastity devices and by orgasm control and denial. I realized that might be something useful to discuss here because I know this woman isn’t the only woman who doesn’t understand why men desire chastity.

One reason this blog post interested me was that the woman who wrote it is a dominant woman. She notes that she fully understood why a femdom wants to control her submissive man’s orgasms and says it’s something she had always done. What she didn’t understand was why so many cock controlled men and wannabe locked men actually want a woman to take control of their penis and to deny their orgasms. If she, a kinky dominant woman who already understands and uses orgasm denial, is confused, just imagine how confused the average vanilla woman whose partner just asked her to add chastity to the relationship must feel.

Then she posed a question. “What is it about your orgasm that makes having it controlled by your partner so desirable to you?”

The Motivation Isn't the Same for Everyone

Of course, ten guys might give her ten different answers because we’re all unique. Chastity and orgasm control and denial don’t mean the same thing to all of us who enthusiastically wear chastity devices. Some guys simply fetishize chastity devices and even get erect just trying to put one on. Others enjoy the restrictive sensations of wearing a chastity device. It’s almost like penis bondage. And for still others, like me, it’s all about the orgasm control and denial. Wearing a chastity device simply elevates orgasm control and denial to a whole other level.

I can’t speak for every chastity enthusiast, but I can answer this woman’s question from my viewpoint by explaining why I desire chastity. I can’t answer her question directly since she will probably never read this post because she stopped posting on her blog in June 2018. But maybe other women with the same questions about why men desire chastity will read this post and understand more about the male attraction to chastity. But before I give my answer, let’s examine why women have such a difficult time understanding why men desire chastity.

Women Don’t Understand Male Libido

As I read this woman’s post, I understood quickly why she doesn’t understand chastity. She doesn’t understand the male libido. Consider this question she poses. “Is the male’s need to play with himself, to masturbate, and to ejaculate so much different from a woman’s need?” Later, she speculates, “I can only assume that there’s something very different about a male’s need to orgasm than a woman’s.” Here is her error.

She views male sexuality through the female lens as all women do. She and most other women think they understand male libido, but they don’t. They believe women and men are the same because that is a core tenant of feminism. The fundamental assertion of feminism is that women are equal to men, and equal not as counterparts to men, but in every respect. That includes sexuality. That’s why women assume men think about sex all the time, play with themselves and masturbate more than women do because men just don’t exercise self control like women do.

Ever heard a woman say something like, “Men are controlled by their penis,“ or “Men think with their penis,” or “All men think about is doing something sexual to make their penis happy.” Most women believe men are obsessed with their penis and spend far too much time playing with themselves, masturbating, and ejaculating. And women attribute all this to men refusing to exercise self control. Men are irresponsible. They truly believe all this. Why?

It’s a Limited Frame of Reference Issue

It’s not their fault women don’t understand male sexuality. How could they? They see the world through the female lens because they are women, just like men see the world through the male lens because they are men. It’s a limited frame of reference issue. I’ll readily admit I understand nothing about female libido because I’m not a woman. But after having had what I consider a representative sample of intimate encounters with women, I know from simple observation one thing is certain. The female libido and the male libido are not the same. Actually, I don’t think they could be more different.

Women exercise self-control. Their vagina doesn’t control them. They don’t think with their sex organ, therefore women are responsible. Sure, they like sex sometimes under the right circumstances and some masturbate, but few do with the frequency men do. Women aren’t like men. The female libido is not like the male libido. Not that the male libido is superior or better. It’s just different. That’s because evolution or nature, however one wishes to put it, assigned women and men different roles.

Evolution Made Us Different

Evolution assigned males the imperative to ensure the survival of the species. That’s why we are the way we are. That’s why we find it harder to exercise self-control, why we feel such a powerful urge to orgasm and ejaculate frequently. It’s not entirely our fault. That’s how evolution wired us sexually. And of course, women and men aren’t wired the same way.

Established physiological reasons exist that explain why the female and male libidos are different, and it is about neurotransmitters and the part of the human brain and the limbic system called the “reward center.” There are three primary actors – dopamine, prolactin, and oxytocin. This isn’t a post aimed at explaining the human sexual response cycle scientifically, so I will not get too far into the weeds here. But suffice it to say that the manner in which dopamine, prolactin, and oxytocin rise and fall before, during, and after orgasm differs greatly between men and women. That’s because the female menstrual cycle largely drives the sexual response cycle of women and the rise and fall of their dopamine, prolactin, and oxytocin levels.

Why the Science Matters

The manner in which dopamine, prolactin, and oxytocin rise and fall before, during, and after orgasm with men explains why men like me want to wear chastity devices because chastity takes orgasm control and denial, something I enjoy, to a whole other level. Elevated desire itself becomes pleasurable. It doesn’t work that way for most women.

Subjecting the average woman to orgasm denial quickly only makes her feel frustrated, and then angry, and if it continues, she loses all interest in anything sexual. Women know that. Just as the blogger says in the post, she can’t even imagine a woman begging for enforced chastity or to wear a chastity device. Of course not. The female libido doesn’t respond to it the way the male libido does.

I suspect with all men who desire chastity, even if it’s motivated initially by a chastity device fetish or the desire for penis bondage sensations, the effects of orgasm denial are also a part of the attraction. The orgasm denial effects are a big part of it for me. But not only from a sexual pleasure standpoint. The constant, elevated arousal also stimulates my submissive nature, and the more aroused I become and the longer it persists, the more submissive I feel toward my keyholder. That’s truly the part of it I like and want most. And I also crave the control aspect of it. I want to feel her control, her ownership of my penis and my orgasms.

I can’t say I ever lose the desire to orgasm, but I stop craving a release because I know from experience once I come and ejaculate, I drop out of that intense, pleasurable submissive headspace and it takes five to seven days before I return to it again. That’s why, when a keyholder allows me to come, I much prefer a ruined orgasm over an unrestricted one. A ruined orgasm shortens the refractory period and I lose little in terms of those powerful submissive feelings. Instead of five to seven days to get back to where I was pre-orgasm, it only takes a day or two.

Is the Male Desire for Chastity Motivated by Selfishness?

The blog post writer poses one last interesting question at the end. She prefaces the question by saying as a dominant woman, she would much prefer it if locking up a man’s cock was torture for him, not something that he found a turn-on. That seems logical from a femdom perspective, especially if the woman has a sadist streak. Then she asks the question. “Are we just doing you a favor by giving you exactly what you want?” The answer is yes, but it is more complicated than that. We could say it is transactional in that women give us what we want by locking up our penis, but they get benefits from doing it too.

Whether or not you have a submissive nature, the effects of extended orgasm denial will affect you mentally and emotionally. Your focus will change. Instead of selfishly focusing on your needs and desires and having them met, you will increasingly focus on your keyholder. Her needs and desires will become more important to you. The rising levels of dopamine drives that and your elevated sexual desire becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because you know your keyholder is the only person on the planet able to give you what you desperately want.

If women want to understand what motivates the male desire for chastity, they must first accept female libido and male libido are not the same. Evolution has programmed us differently, and your knowledge of female sexuality is useless in helping you understand male sexuality. Women and men are equal as human beings, but we are not the same and will never be the same sexually. Expecting men to behave more like women and telling them to exercise more self control will never change the things men do that irritate women. More women need to understand that the male desire for chastity and orgasm control and denial are tools women can use to their advantage to improve male behavior.

Chastity doesn’t magically transform me into someone I’m not, but I believe firmly that chastity makes me the best version of me I can possibly be. And that’s why I desire chastity.

Quick reminder for those who have been thinking about getting a Cobra chastity device, or another Cobra device. The Kink3D Black Friday and Cyber Monday Sale started this morning and runs through 27 November.

To be honest, I still think the prices of Cobra chastity devices are a little too high, but the 20% discount Kink3D is offering made the price of a second Cobra slightly easier to swallow. I took advantage of the infrequent Kink3D sale and ordered a Fusion Pink Cobra N+ this morning along with a matching Airlock accessory.

Honestly, I’ve vacillated for days between getting a second Cobra or the White Hera I have my eye on at House of Denial. I only decided this morning. The availability of the Airlock tipped my decision in favor of the Cobra.

House of Denial is working on an accessory that will allow use of plastic numbered tags with the Hera, but it isn’t yet available. Amanda strongly prefers the use of the plastic locks directly on the device and at the moment, Kink3D is the only option.

It disappointed me to learn the expected arrival date is December 4. Even choosing the expedited shipping option didn’t change the date. I suppose I should have expected it. I’m sure the Kink3D team is taking the same 4-day Thanksgiving holiday as most people are and will probably face a tsunami of orders when they return to work Monday morning thanks to the sale. But hopefully, Amanda will allow me to change out devices as soon as my new Cobra hits the mailbox.

Meanwhile…

If you, like me, are observing NOvember (also known as No Nut November), we’re on the home stretch, down to the last week. So far, not a single nut for me this month except for those in a slice of Pecan Pie yesterday. And it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas with no nuts either. Stay strong, my friends.

permanent chastity

Orgasm Frequency For Chaste Males

By Chaste on Monday, November 20, 2023

After staying locked for 137 straight days and remaining orgasm free for 203 consecutive days, I suppose it’s only natural that orgasm frequency for chaste males is something I think about often these days. In this post, we examine the opinions of women keyholders about how often they feel they should allow their chaste males to come, and I’ll share a few thoughts of my own.

A Consensus Opinion About Length of Initial Lock Up

I’ve read quite a few blogs and books by women, both keyholders and dominant women who are in female led relationships and who impose permanent chastity on their partners with chastity devices. The consensus (and surprisingly consistent) opinion among these women I learned was the initial period of confinement should last for a minimum of ninety days. That’s once a male new to chastity has acclimated to wearing a chastity device more or less comfortably, of course. Then, assuming the women didn’t extend the confinement past the ninety days for unsatisfactory behavior, most said they would unlock their chaste male and allow him his first sexual release in whatever manner suited them.

Orgasm Frequency After the First Confinement

After the first ninety-day period of confinement and first release, these women said they then experimented to determine the optimum orgasm frequency for their males. Their decisions often rested on how long it took their male to return to the desired compliant and accommodating demeanor achieved with the initial 90-day lock up and denial period. There was less consistency in their opinions about orgasm frequency from the initial lock up and beyond, which I suppose is understandable since everyone is unique. We all may respond differently to the same stimulus.

Some women, especially those with younger partners, allowed their males to orgasm once a week. The most common opinion was allowing their male to orgasm once per month, and those women thought they shouldn’t withhold orgasms for over three months unless there were good reasons (e.g., complaining, sulking, whining, etc.).

The third most common opinion was striking a balance between keeping their males completely denied but allowing them to orgasm just often enough to give them hope of gaining a future release. Here, there was no set frequency, just the intent of not extinguishing all hope. Once a male reaches that point, chastity no longer works for either partner and only makes him resentful and depressed.

The Need for Balance

While permanent chastity appeals to me strongly, the idea of permanent denial does not. Except for the brief refractory period, two to three days after an orgasm, I never stop wanting to orgasm. And the longer I am denied, the more desperately I want release, and the more I think about wanting to orgasm. I simply can’t imagine living with orgasms under a permanent embargo. While I think I could live with 90-day periods between orgasms, honestly, having an orgasm once per month sounds much more appealing. Sure, once a week would be amazing and that’s still only 52 orgasms a year, but so far I haven’t had a single keyholder who allowed that.

Chastity is about orgasm control by a keyholder, and the effects of orgasm denial fuels it and produce the positive behavior modification that keyholders seek. But, more denial is not always better with orgasm frequency for chaste males. A keyholder must strike that balance many of the women from the posts and books I read spoke about, the balance between producing the desired behavior and not extinguishing a male’s hope for a future release.

My Experience With the Lack of Balance

Since I’ve shared it before, I won’t repeat the entire story again here. But briefly put, my first keyholder pushed the envelope with denial too far. Once the time between orgasms lengthened too far past what she had allowed in the beginning, I grew depressed and then I became resentful and finally I got angry. So, I pulled the plug and ended the relationship. I just couldn’t continue once all hope was gone.

I want my keyholder’s full control over my access to sexual pleasure and orgasms. I crave it. The control aspect motivates my desire for chastity and willingness to endure the denial. I also prefer indefinite chastity, where my keyholder doesn’t tell me the future date she has set for unlocking me and allowing release. I don’t want to know because then I end up counting down the days instead of just immersing myself in the chastity experience. But what I also want is to feel confidence that my keyholder understands me and the importance of balancing her desires and goals for the relationship with my needs and desires. I’m willing to sacrifice and suffer for her greatly, but I need to see evidence she understands and appreciates it. And from my view, a fair and realistic orgasm frequency is a significant part of all of that.

The Game Chaste Men Are Forced to Play

Yes, there is a fetish or kink aspect to chastity that many guys crave and a keyholder helps satisfy those desires. It’s also a major turn on for a guy because of the loss of control. This is why it is almost always the male who suggests chastity in the first place in an established relationship. The chastity device turns the male’s desire, passion, attention, and energy toward the one holding the keys. His constant awareness of being locked in the device and that he will do anything for her to unlock him, makes him willing to focus entirely on her needs and desires, not his.

As his desire builds over time, the longer he stays locked, the more he enjoys it. But only as long as he holds out hope of getting an eventual release. But some keyholders don’t seem to understand or ignore that chastity should benefit both her and him. It’s okay for him to elevate the keyholder’s needs and desires above his own, but he deserves to have his needs met as much as she does.

All too often, especially around the web where dominant women congregate, I see them insisting male submission, even within the context of chastity, is all about them. They shame guys into silence who mention their needs and desires, suggesting such men think dominant women are kink vending machines who exist only to dispense male sexual pleasure. That makes guys looking for a keyholder, especially those of us who aren’t in a relationship, hesitant to even bring up our expectations for fear of getting shunned. That doesn’t work. It isn’t realistic. No one is that selfless, but we feel forced to pretend we are.

I don’t need or want a keyholder who thinks my needs and desires don’t matter. If something is no fun, there is no point in doing it. No, I don’t expect a keyholder to fulfill my every fantasy or satisfy my every kinky desire. That would be selfish. But I will not shortchange myself by doing something I don’t enjoy. I’m not playing the game.

chastity challenges

3 Denial December Secrets You Never Knew

By Chaste on Tuesday, October 31, 2023

Denial December is another monthly challenge in the spirit of #Locktober and #NoNutNovember. Like No Nut November, Denial December doesn’t specifically involve wearing a chastity device, but since chastity enthusiasts adopted the event, many guys stay locked during the month of December. You must deny yourself orgasms for the entire month to complete the challenge successfully. But Denial December has a requirement that none of the other chastity challenges have. That’s because it didn’t start as out as a male chastity challenge. Let’s begin with a short history and then I’ll reveal 3 Denial December secrets you never knew.

A Brief History of Denial December

While we can pinpoint the exact dates that Locktober and No Nut November began, and even know with acceptable accuracy who created these challenges, the same isn’t true of Denial December.

No doubt, somewhere deep in the bowels of the internet, the complete story about Denial December exists. Tirelessly, I searched for the information before penning this post. But Google, just as the sea refuses to give up its dead, would not give up the secrets behind this most mysterious challenge.

Google, once the gold standard of search engines, no longer cares about providing useful internet searches. They would rather focus on other things like selling ads, trying to steal market share from Apple by coercing people to buy Google phones so the company can steal even more of your data to sell at hefty profits, interfere with elections at home and abroad, and to promote communist propaganda aimed at dismantling capitalism.

Some time ago, Google retrofitted its once useful search engine by installing algorithms designed to predict what people are searching for since of course we are in Google’s estimation too stupid to know what information we truly want. So as I used Google to search for information on the history of Denial December, Google returned links to the information they were convinced I really wanted – links about Holocaust deniers, climate change deniers, 2020 election deniers, J6 insurrection deniers, and Covid 19 “vaccine” efficacy deniers. No matter how I constructed my search terms, I got the same results. Obviously, Google doesn’t want us to know the history behind Denial December or its secrets. After all, giving us what we asked for isn’t going to put any money in the company’s coffers, change election outcomes, or assist the WEF in taking over the world for the good of the elites.

Annoyed, I turned to some of the other crappier search engines that have never been able to compete with Google’s dominance. The results weren’t great, but I learned a hell of a lot more than I did from Google’s manipulated searches. But alas, I did not learn when Denial December first started or who created it. That’s why this history of Denial December is so brief. But I did learn 3 Denial December secrets you never knew. At least, I didn’t.

Denial December Did Not Start as a Chastity Challenge

The first shocking secret I uncovered is that Denial December didn’t start out as a chastity challenge. It began as an edging and orgasm denial challenge. To refresh the memory of any who may have forgotten what edging is, here is a short definition.

Edging is the practice of stopping sexual stimulation before reaching orgasm to prolong a sexual experience. The term stems from the concept of approaching the metaphorical “edge” of orgasm but stopping before going over it.

While the manner in which one is supposed to do the edges during the challenge has changed over the years, the original concept was this. Beginning on December 1, you were supposed to perform the number of edges corresponding to the number of days since your last orgasm. So, if we’re talking about guys, that probably meant doing only one edge on December 1, two on December 2, and so forth, until you reached the end of the challenge. To successfully complete the challenge, you had to avoid having an orgasm the entire month of December.

Later people, as they are wont to do, altered the original rules to better suit them. One example is instead of edging once for each day since the last orgasm and remaining orgasm free the entire month, some only edged through December 24, and then could orgasm. I suppose as a Christmas Eve gift to themselves. They treat Denial December as a sort of denial challenge Advent Calendar. Someone else I read about changed the rules from edging once for each day since the last orgasm, to just doing three edges each day from either December 1 through the end of the month, or from December 1 through December 24.

Putting aside the random rule changes that have occurred since the challenge’s inception, the first secret here is that the creator of Denial December intended it to be an edging and orgasm denial challenge, not a male chastity challenge. That takes us to the second secret.

Denial December Isn't Just for Males

The second secret I discovered about Denial December is the challenge originally was meant for anyone, not just males. I found articles from several women who took part in the challenge. So, it seems male chastity enthusiasts co-opted the original concept and transformed Denial December into another chastity challenge in the spirit of Locktober and No Nut December.

In the old days, before Denial December became another male chastity challenge, no one wore a chastity device and guys performed the edging the old-fashioned way. The ladies who took part either let their fingers do the walking or used their favorite sex toys when edging without a partner’s assistance.

Observing Denial December now as a male chastity challenge often includes wearing a chastity device for the month of December. But participants could remove it each day long enough to complete the required edges. There is nothing keeping a self-locked guy from doing it this way. And a keyholder could opt to unlock her charge briefly each day and have him knock out the required number of edges by stroking, or a really wonderful keyholder might do the stroking for him. But there is another option, an option I admit favoring.

Most of us who have spent much time locked in a chastity device have had the experience of using a powerful vibrator held against the cage to do edges. I actually prefer this method to the old-fashioned one and it makes unlocking unnecessary. But either method seems to satisfy the challenge rules, since it is the edging and denial that counts. Just an idea I had, but it might not work. Since Denial December was for everyone at the beginning, why not ask your keyholder to join in the fun with you? Perhaps she will join you in a month of denial, out of a spirit of fellow-feeling? It couldn’t hurt to ask.

Orgasms Aren't Strictly Prohibited by Some

The third astonishing secret I learned about Denial December is that not everyone considers having an orgasm or two, or three, a disqualification from successfully completing Denial December. Many people don’t consider “accidental” orgasms disqualifying as long as you ruin them. You can even have several ruined orgasms and still complete the challenge successfully. In case someone reading this hasn’t ever experienced a “ruined orgasm,” here is an explanation. Ruining an orgasm means stopping all stimulation the moment you realize you have arrived at the point of no return and orgasm is inevitable. Then, instead of experiencing a pleasurable and forceful ejaculation, the semen just dribbles out and feels more frustrating than pleasurable.

From what I gleaned from the research, the founder of the challenge definitely intended that participants refrain from having any orgasms to successfully complete Denial December. I’m afraid I have to come down on the side of the purist’s viewpoint on this one. Orgasm denial is orgasm denial. If you limp through Denial December on the strength of a bunch of ruined orgasms, claiming they were all “accidental” and then have the unmitigated gall to add your name to the list of successful challenge participants, here is what I think. I think you deserve a big fat asterisk next to your name just like Bonds, McGwire, and Sosa have on the single-season home run list because they used performance enhancing drugs. Sorry, not sorry.

I hope you enjoyed learning the 3 denial December secrets you never knew on this final day of Locktober 2023. Some of us thought we would never make it to this day, but here we are. I have to admit, the last day of Locktober always feels a little bittersweet to me. Especially this year, since it’s the last day I’ll be locked for Lucie, at least for a while. But with No Nut November commencing tomorrow and then Denial December looming on the horizon, none of us should shed a tear. There are lots more days of chastity left in the year.

As I’ve shared previously, I personally won’t be observing No Nut November this year. After almost six months with Lucie as my keyholder, I think doing the challenge while self-locked would just feel too sad. So, I’ll spend November wearing and reviewing my newest chastity device after taking a few days off, and searching for a new keyholder. If luck shines upon me, I’ll definitely be up for Denial December. It’s the one challenge I haven’t done before.

Whether you plan to do No Nut, Denial December, or both, good luck, and have fun.

enforced male chastity

Is Male Chastity Just Plain Old Orgasm Denial?

By Chaste on Thursday, July 6, 2023

Is male chastity just plain old orgasm denial? Sometimes people who blog about male chastity, even those who are among the most experienced get things so wrong and I feel compelled to disagree.

Recently, I read posts from two different guys who blog about male chastity that I follow. Both said pretty much the same thing, and I feel compelled to go on the record here saying I disagree with what they both wrote.

I’m not throwing shade. I’m not naming names because that isn’t important. What is important is pointing out wrong thinking and why it’s wrong. I have tremendous respect for both guys who have practiced chastity a lot longer than I have and consider them both mentors of sorts even though I’ve never actually met either of them. But sometimes you can do a thing so long that you start to think you know way more about it than anyone else and anyone who doesn’t see the thing as you do is just wrong. Sorry, that kind of attitude is what’s wrong.

Do you know why I practice chastity by wearing a cage on my dick and why I find it so meaningful? I doubt that you do, even if you visit this blog regularly and the statistics Google makes available to me show this blog gets a lot of repeat visitors. So, what makes one person believe they can tell another person they don’t even know that chastity means only one thing and that applies universally. I’m more than certain these two guys know what chastity means to them. They should since they have been doing it as long as they have. But knowing what a thing means to you and looking at it through the lens you do, isn’t anything close to being some universal truth that applies to everyone else.

In the same way, I understand how I look at chastity, how I practice it, and why I practice it doesn’t apply to anyone but little old me. It would never occur to me to claim otherwise. Now, let’s delve into a few of those things I disagree with.

A Guy in Chastity Can’t Call Himself Chaste

Drilling down to the technical factual bedrock, the universally accepted definition of “chaste” is “abstaining from sexual intercourse.” Some who practice chastity for moral or religious reasons expand the definition to also include abstaining from masturbation. I have been pussy-free and proud since the end of my last relationship, which not uncoincidentally pretty much corresponds with when I first dipped a toe into the calming waters of male chastity. And for the lion’s share of time that I’ve worn cock cages, I have also abstained from masturbation. So, if I’m not chaste, just what they hell would you call it?

Without getting into the weeds on this issue, depending on whose opinion you subscribe to, there are now somewhere between 72 and 81 genders. And in the Western society we now inhabit, an individual can simply choose to identify as any gender that makes them feel most comfortable about their own body, that most closely aligns with how they perceive their sexuality, or that they feel most accurately meets their personal definition of gender nirvana. So, you’re going to tell me a guy in chastity can’t call himself chaste? Seriously? On what grounds and whose authority? That’s just fucking silly.

Being chaste isn’t like being a virgin. Once you lose your virginity, it’s gone, baby, gone. You aren’t getting that shit back. But you can be chaste whenever you’re abstaining from sexual intercourse and for some, masturbation, even if it’s only for a day or two or even a few hours. Chaste is freaking chaste. If you get laid or decide to wank and then later you get back into chastity and again abstain from sex, then you’re right back in the state of chasteness. You can enter it, leave it, return to it, whenever you wish. It’s nothing like getting your cherry popped.

It’s the Orgasm Denial Stupid

The second thing I read and disagreed with is we shouldn’t even use terms like chastity device or enforced male chastity because that isn’t the point of letting someone lock up your dick. The point is the orgasm denial, which enforces the power dynamic in a relationship that doesn’t allow the wearer to get pleasure from his penis. You aren’t chaste and you aren’t practicing chastity. I readily see how that’s how some guys see it. That a cock cage is just a tool used to enforce orgasm denial and it’s really the denial that powers the dynamic.

You can’t minimize the importance of the orgasm denial piece because without it, you likely couldn’t get a guy to wear a chastity cage even if you put a gun to his head. It’s the denial that produces all those touchy, feely hormone cocktails that make chastity pleasurable and that produces the bone crushing frustration that locked guys experience at times. But to use an analogy, denial is only the fuel, not the vehicle. The chastity device and the practice of chastity is the damn car and denial is only what powers it and makes it go. You don’t need a chastity device or even need to practice chastity mindfully in order to experience orgasm denial. Female doms were subjecting me to orgasm denial long before the first mass-produced crude chastity cages appeared on the scene. Spoiler alert. Denial works and feels exactly the same without a cage.

Those who see orgasm denial as the only point to wearing a chastity cage see the practice mostly as just another kink. Nothing wrong with that. But demanding everyone accept your perspective is simply ridiculous.

Enforced Chastity Doesn’t Exist

The last statement I’ll disagree with is the notion that enforced chastity doesn’t exist. Say what? The argument given is no one is actually forcing you to stay locked. You could remove the device even without the key anytime you wished, even if you had to use tools and destroy it. It isn’t enforced chastity because you have agreed to have your dick locked in a cage and at any time, you could just demand to be unlocked and say you didn’t want to play anymore. If all that is true, which it fucking isn’t, then what would be the point of having a keyholder? Why not just lock and unlock yourself whenever the mood struck. I guarantee you will get pretty much the same effects from orgasm denial if you’re self-locked as you get from someone else locking you and holding the keys.

Of course, this is and must be a consensual deal. If some random woman, a stranger, walked up to me and asked to lock my dick in a chastity cage, as a sentient being I’d probably politely decline. Probably. You sort of need to know a little about a person before you transfer that kind of power to them. So, yeah, you are only locked when you consent to it. But once you’ve reached an agreement with a keyholder and you’re locked, it gets real. You aren’t in control anymore, the keyholder is and they are damn well enforcing your chastity. Sure, you could cut the thing off or maybe even just find a way to slip it off and you could tell the keyholder you don’t want to play anymore. But as long as the game is afoot, you my friend are serving a stint in enforced chastity.

There were several other silly statements made in those blog posts I could take to task, but I won’t. I think I’ve made my point. You’re experiences and motivations are not my experiences and motivations. And neither are they likely anyone else’s experiences or motivations. So, take a step back and don’t try to tell me the “true meaning” of chastity, according to you. It only makes you look foolish. And, I will extend the same courtesy and won’t press you to accept my opinions as facts, because they’re not.

So, What the Fuck is Chasity About?

That, my friend, is completely up to you. If it’s about orgasm denial for you, that’s terrific. For other guys chastity can be about submission, pain, teasing, or even about bondage. In short, chastity is quite versatile. Chastity is the control of orgasm, and even more specifically, it’s the denial of orgasm. But it’s not just about denial. It’s a freaking perverted buffet.

Chastity requires some mental or emotional commitment. Otherwise, a mere plastic or steel device is never going to stop someone from removing it to gain sexual pleasure. Chastity cages are not magic. No device, even the most expensive meticulously fitted chastity belts are truly inescapable. With the motivation and perhaps a few power tools, a guy determined to escape and willing to destroy the device, if need be, will always escape. Chastity devices are actually more a symbol than anything else. They represent that mental or emotional commitment I spoke of. It’s a way to tell your keyholder you’re serious about chastity and giving up control.

I get far more from chastity, especially enforced chastity, than just the experience of orgasm control. If that’s all I wanted, I wouldn’t waste money on chastity devices. I love the submission to Lucie. I love the power exchange dynamic. And yes, I love how the denial provokes the production and circulation in my brain all those amazing chemicals that produce such pleasurable feelings. The truth is, ejaculation has never been my favorite part of sex or masturbation. What I love are those moments right before ejaculation. That’s the pleasure I crave, where I feel like I’m standing on a mountain peak at the edge of an abyss. And chastity helps me go there over and over again with no pesky refractory periods. Lucie can take me there whenever it strikes her fancy and it always strikes mine.

Chastity is about what it is about to you. Never let someone tell you what you should think it’s about or what you should believe it means. You’re an adult human. Think for yourself.

chastity keyholders

The Care and Feeding of the Male in Chastity

By Chaste on Thursday, March 11, 2021

Sexual Teasing and Chastity—What it Is, Why It's Important, and How to Do It

There are many real and readily attainable benefits for women who choose to lock their male partner’s penis in a chastity cage. But I’ll be honest. There are trade-offs too, things that will require time and effort on your part if you agree to enforce your husband or partner’s chastity. One of the things involved in the care and feeding of the male in chastity is the requirement for you to devote time and effort to teasing your man regularly.

Sexual teasing is a requisite for doing male chastity properly. It’s so essential that an absence of teasing will ruin the chastity experience for everyone. The necessity of sexual teasing in male chastity and a few tips on how to do it is the topic of this post, the third in the series focused on male chastity from the the female perspective.

If you missed the first two posts, you can find them here and here.

If Only Life Were Simple

If all a woman had to do was lock up her man’s penis, forget it, and reap the benefits, life would be simple. But life is never simple. The same goes for male chastity. If it was, more women would probably feel less reluctant to try male chastity when their men nervously suggest adding it to the relationship mix.

Most guys who desire male chastity would be so thrilled by a partner’s willingness to fulfill their desires by locking them up that for a time that’s all it takes to keep them happy. But as days stretch into weeks, the novelty of wearing a penis cage wears off. Chastity devices hold no inherent magic on their own. The magic comes in when a keyholder enforces chastity properly. Teasing is an essential part of that.

Why Locked and Forgetten Doesn't Work

A guy who is locked and forgotten soon becomes disenchanted with the whole idea of playing the chastity game. Unhappiness turns into dissatisfaction, then into feelings of resentment, and anger. That’s the direct opposite of what want to achieve by putting your man in chastity. That’s why teasing is such an important ingredient. Without it, the only results a woman will see from locking up her man is a petulant, angry, uncooperative guy who won’t want to play the game anymore.

What Teasing Accomplishes

As counter-intuitive as it might sound, when you take away a man’s orgasms and his ability to play with his penis whenever the mood strikes, he finds it very arousing. Chastity is a huge mind fuck.

The sexual frustration a chaste man feels is intense, so intense he experiences a euphoric high from the desperation and his lack of control. That is why a guy becomes super-focused on his partner and the extreme arousal coupled with sexual frustration is what makes the chastity game so much fun for guys to play. The more aroused a denied man stays, the more he likes it. Teasing is what keeps a guy’s arousal at high levels.

But of course we men aren’t wired to sustain high levels of arousal indefinitely without encouragement, and part of being a keyholder and chastity enforcer is the responsibility to provide that encouragement.

Regular teasing is how you keep your man highly aroused and coming back for more. That’s how you reap consistent benefits—massages on demand, satisfying oral sex on your terms, and an eager helper with those household chores. Regular and consistent teasing is how you keep him interested in the game and focused on you. As a result, your confidence soars as you experience the power of being truly in control of your man and both of your sex lives. That is how male chastity is supposed to work.

Rinse and Repeat

To make chastity work for both of you, you cage your man. Your man becomes increasingly horny and needy. You tease your man, He becomes more horny and needy. He may even whine about how needy he feels and beg you to unlock him. But don’t give in. Just keep teasing and let his brain continue to stew in those lovely endorphins and hormones that orgasm denial produces. The more he whines and begs, the more you tease him.

Rinse and repeat for as long as you want him caged and want to reap the benefits of male chastity. Within reason of course. A point will come where the sexual frustration grows until his arousal can’t be sustained and you will have to unlock him and allow him relief. Then you lock him back up and the game begins anew. Just don’t unlock him too soon or too often. That’s because once you allow a guy to orgasm, you must start all over again at ground zero, and for at least a few days those lovely benefits for you will all but disappear.

Teasing in a Nutshell

Sexual teasing as it relates to male chastity is nothing more than providing some sort of sexual stimulation without allowing a man to orgasm. Teasing can be either physical or non-physical. It can be active or passive. You can remove the cage for teasing or leave it on as it is all up to you as the keyholder. Teasing needn’t consume lots of time. In most cases, a few minutes a day is all that’s required, although you can do it as much as you wish.

Through experimentation, you will soon learn how much teasing it takes to keep your man in that sweet spot of horniness and need. That may not be as much teasing as he wants, but will be as much as he needs to stay highly aroused.

Never feel you must devote entire evenings or hours on weekends to teasing your chaste mate. You will only suffer burnout trying to do too much teasing and then chastity won’t be any fun for you. And if it isn’t fun for you. Then you are the one who will tire of the chastity game.

Active Teasing

We might define active teasing as an activity where you must expend effort. Still, even active teasing may be physical or non-physical. Let’s look first at a few examples of active, physical teasing.

Active Physical Teasing

Physically touching your partner’s genitals with your hands, fingers, or feet is one example of active, physical teasing. That is easily accomplished with his cage locked on since his testicles are exposed and readily available for stimulation. If you’re comfortable with anal play, your caged man’s anus is another fertile target for active, physical teasing. Some chastity couples enjoy introducing pegging into their sexual relationship as a form of teasing.

Removing your man’s cage and permitting him PIV sex is another form of active-physical teasing. The key is not allowing him to orgasm. When you sense he is getting too excited, make him stop until he calms down. Continue with the start and stop, or simply lock him back up when you tire of it.

Regardless of how you choose to do it. active, physical teasing gives your guy the physical sexual stimulation he craves that will keep him horny, needy, and totally focused on you. Now let’s look at active, non-physical teasing.

Active Non-Physical Teasing

Active, non-physical teasing is as simple as you wearing as little as possible around the house when you and your partner are home alone. On weekends, a former partner of mine used to wear only panties and a tight tee-shirt without a bra when we were home alone. She liked dressing comfortably at home, but she also enjoyed teasing me.

Rather than wearing as little as possible, active-non-physical teasing could be wearing sexy clothing like tight shorts or pants, or wearing short dresses while making sure to bend over frequently in your partner’s view.

The ideas here are literally limited only by your imagination. I’m sure by now you’ve figured out how to use your feminine form to maximum effect when you wish to appear alluring to a guy.

Passive Teasing

Let’s define passive teasing as an activity where you don’t have to expend effort, at least not effort to affect the teasing.

Here again, passive teasing may be physical or non-physical. Let’s look at some examples of passive, physical teasing.

Passive Physical Teasing

What comes easily to mind, is you allowing your caged partner to give you oral sex. It’s passive in the sense all you must do is relax and enjoy receiving it.

Similarly, you might masturbate while allowing your caged partner to watch without participating. Yes, you’re expending some effort, but it’s all focused on you so that’s why I consider it passive. I can’t imagine any guy who wouldn’t find that a huge turn-on.

You could switch it around by removing the cage and allowing your partner to masturbate while all you do is passively watch. You might make him perform edges where he masturbates right up to the point of climax, but then has to stop.

Edging is the most fun when you make a guy do series of edges. He masturbates to the edge of orgasm, stops until he calms down, and then repeats the process all over, again and again, for a set number of times. Just don’t allow him to orgasm and lock him back up when you tire of the game.

Other examples of passive, physical teasing is allowing your partner to give you foot or back massages, or allowing him to rub his now useless, caged genitals against your bare bottom when you’re in bed together.

Passive Non-Physical Teasing

Here again, we find virtually endless possibilities for teasing that require no real time or effort on your part and no physical contact.

You might make hubby wear nothing but a pair of your old panties or a pair you bought specifically for him with a tee shirt whenever you’re home alone and while he takes care of whatever household chores you’ve assigned. Unless he is into cross-dressing, he will find that embarrassing, maybe even slightly humiliating. But if he is horny and needy enough, he won’t refuse. And I can almost guarantee the mild embarrassment will cause the contents of his cage to swell uncomfortably the entire time. You can up the ante by telling him how sexy in looks in women’s panties and that you’re thinking about requiring him to wear them as his regular underwear.

Assigning your partner household chores can of itself serve as a form of passive, non-physical teasing. Most guys find it arousing when a woman takes charge and puts them to work cleaning the bathroom, washing the dishes, vacuuming the carpets, etc. while she reclines on the couch watching her favorite television program or reads a book.

Dropping verbal hints that you can’t decide when you might unlock your partner and allow him some relief or making statements that you’re thinking seriously about keeping him locked up permanently is a good form of passive, non-physical teasing.

Some guys like it when their partner tells them how useless or pathetic or tiny their penises look when caged. This is a form of mild humiliation and some men find it very arousing. But unless you already know your man gets off on it, you may want to take it easy at first if you decide to try it.

Continuing with the mild humiliation form of teasing, while you’re out at the mall or supermarket or some other public place, you might point out some attractive guy to your partner. Then say, something like, “I bet that guy has a huge, man-sized cock, honey. It’s making me wet just thinking about what sex might be like with him.” Or use one of your partner’s male co-workers or friends you know in a similar way. Say something like, “You know, honey, I’ve always imagined that [insert person’s name] has a really big cock, much bigger than your tiny thing. I bet he can really satisfy a woman.”

Through passive, non-physical teasing, you get a lot of mileage with little or no real effort on your part that will keep your hubby or partner feeling horny and desperately needy.

More Resources

Here we’ve looked at only the tip of the teasing iceberg with a few examples to stimulate your imagination. If you need more examples, I have a couple of resources I can recommend.

Georgia Ivey Green has a good book on the subject, The Ultimate Guide to Teasing and Denial. I’ve provided the Amazon link so you can use the look inside feature. But the book is also available from other retailers.

My Boy in Chastity’s Blog, is another good resource for teasing ideas. The blogger is a woman whose husband’s request for chastity caught her completely off-guard. She writes about her experiences with it. While this blog is now inactive, it still contains lots of great information for women whose partner’s desire chastity. She learned as she went along, but in the end became exceptionally adept at teasing her husband and keeping his arousal peaking.

Now that you know more about what teasing is with regard to male chastity and that it is pretty simple, maybe it seems less of a barrier to trying chastity with your partner.

international male chastity day

International Male Chastity Day

By Chaste on Wednesday, December 2, 2020

That’s right gang—International Male Chastity Day is looming on the horizon. It’s coming up in about eleven weeks on February 15. If you have never heard of it, now is your chance to learn all about this auspicious holiday.

How did International Chastity Day Start?

UberKinky, a UK BDSM gear retailer, launched International Male Chastity Day on February 15, 2014, to pay homage to everyone living in chastity or trying it. It has been celebrated on February 15 each year since.

You should know that there is some disagreement within the chaste community about the accuracy of the February 15 date.

Some believe International Male Chasity Day is celebrated on January 14 each year. But that’s a crock. I’ll explain why in a moment.

Rest assured the correct date is indeed February 15, as this 2014 post found on the UberKinky website confirms. They started the holiday nearly eight years ago, so I guess they know the correct date. This post found on the Cara Sutra online sexuality magazine website backs that up.

UberKinky specially chose February 15 as the date because they felt setting the holiday observance on the day after Valentine’s Day, February 14, just makes it all the more “brutally bittersweet.” They thought it might be fun for one partner to enhance the flavor of the holiday by rubbing a little salt into the wound by presenting their male partner with a chastity device as a gift on the most romantic day of the year.

The International Chastity Day-Date Discrepancy

So, how did people get confused and start celebrating International Male Chastity Day on January 14, you ask? Here is what happened.

Some enterprising soul thought up the idea of changing the date to January 14 (one month before Valentine’s Day) so that the holiday could become a month-long chastity event that ran until Valentine’s Day on February 14. Some suspect it was the Holy Trainer chastity device company that tinkered with the date as a marketing ploy. But your intrepid reporter was unable to find any smoking gun to verify the claim.

I admit I’m a purist when it comes to celebrating holidays on the correct date. For instance, I wouldn’t stand still for it if Amazon arbitrarily tried to change Christmas Day to November 25 to gain a marketing advantage.

But I suppose there isn’t anything really wrong with some wayward souls observing January 14 as International Male Chasity Day. No one will haul them before the Great Chastity Inquisition for blasphemy or excommunicate them from the church of chaste over it. But as a proud chaste man and a huge fan of International Male Chastity Day, I, for one, will celebrate the holiday on the correct damn date, thank you very much.

Why Is There A Chastity Day?

Frankly, I’ve always suspected that UberKinky’s story about wanting to pay homage to those who observed chastity by wearing a cage on their penis is a load of bull crap. I strongly suspect it must have been sometime in 2014 when the retailer started stocking and selling chastity devices. Call me cynical, but I believe UberKinky founded the holiday as a little marketing strategy of their own to sell more cock cages.

Nevertheless, there are legions of male chastity fans globally—guys who love to be locked up and keyholders who love to guide them in their journey, perhaps with a generous helping of teasing along the way. So, it’s great to have a day to celebrate that.

Also, having a specific date set aside to celebrate male chastity annually is a great way to raise awareness of chastity’s popularity. It’s an excuse to share chastity advice and resources, read some sensual male chastity erotica, and perhaps connect with other chastity enthusiasts or potential keyholders.

Whether it’s a long-term commitment to chastity, some intense humiliation play, the chance to experience orgasm tease and denial, or merely a way to enhance sex play you crave, International Male Chastity Day is an excuse to celebrate the endless possibilities for gratification that chastity offers.

How to Celebrate International Male Chastity Day

Even if you wait for the proper date, February 15, you can still make a 30-day event out of the holiday if you wish. For example, you might lock up on February 15 and remain locked until St. Patrick’s Day on March 17. There would be a couple of extra days involved, but if you’ve never experienced a full month wearing a cock cage, here is your chance.

Perhaps you only recently learned about chastity and want to try it. But you were gutted when you discovered you had already missed Locktober and No Nut November. If so, making a month-long commitment to staying locked from February 15 until St. Paddy’s Day can be your Mulligan.

Of course, UberKinky founded International Male Chastity Day, not International Male Chastity Month. They never intended the holiday to be a 30-day event. So, you can simply celebrate by locking up for only one day if you wish. No one is going to question your manhood for not hanging tough for the following thirty days or so. The truth is, you’re free to celebrate the holiday in any way you choose, whether you elect to lock up for twenty-four hours, a month, or to infinity and beyond.

The point of the holiday is for people new to the chastity lifestyle to engage with it a little. It doesn’t matter whether you’re looking to experience a higher level of control by having your access to your dick and orgasms controlled by a keyholder. Or whether you only want to see if you have the willpower to keep your hands off your cock for twenty-four hours. Either way, observing the holiday will give you a chance to savor the feel of wearing a chastity device.

Join the Fun

Whether you choose to celebrate International Male Chastity Day this year on January 14 like the heathens do, or on the correct date, February 15, have fun with it. At the very least, after reading this post, if someone tries to convince you the observance of International Male Chastity Day is January 14, you can with confidence call bullshit on it and tell them to stop being a shit sandwich.

If you’ve been considering purchasing a chastity device and giving it a try, International Male Chastity Day is your perfect opportunity. Check out our chastity device reviews, buy a cage and take the plunge. Lock up that cock for International Chastity Day, or better yet, find a keyholder to lock it up for you. Then enjoy the unique erotic thrills that only chastity can provide.

Don’t forget to help spread the word as February 15 gets closer. There are even some specific hashtags for this annual event you can use on social media.

#chastityday #internationalchastityday #internationalmalechastityday

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Chastity Troubleshooting

By Chaste on Thursday, June 11, 2020

As I travel the web and visit online chastity forums, I often see this kind of statement. “Help! I want to commit to long-term chastity, but it’s so hard. I can’t keep my cage on for more than a few days at a time.” Let’s look at chastity troubleshooting.

Chasity has both a physical and a mental component. For guys who want to go long but can’t, it’s usually either a physical issue or a mental roadblock. So, let’s figure it out.

Cage Fit Issues

The first thing to look at on the physical side is the chastity cage fit. A poorly fitting cage is one big reason guys can’t get past a few days to longer wear periods. If wearing a chastity device causes you pain or an unacceptable level of discomfort, that’s a fit issue. Having a cock cage that fits well is a must if you’re going to stay locked for long periods.

As a guy with an average size penis and ordinary size testicles, most off-the-shelf cages work for me. I do pay attention to things like internal cage diameter and length, but with mass-manufactured devices, that’s about the best you can do.

Guys who are on the larger end of the penis spectrum or who have balls that are really tight against the base of their penises can have more difficulty finding workable off-the-shelf options. That’s because either the internal diameter of the cage is too small, the gap between the cage and base ring is too close, or the largest standard base ring size is too small.

There is always going to be some level of discomfort when wearing a chastity cage, especially when you’re just beginning. The feel of the base ring behind the scrotum takes some getting used to. Also, friction and the compression from the base ring often causes some chafing, irritation, or tenderness of the skin beneath the ring in spots until the skin toughens up.

For the minor skin issues and discomfort, all you can do is apply lubricant regularly and power through the minor discomfort until your body adjusts to having a foreign object attached to your genitals. But things like broken skin, sores, or recurring pinching are all signs of a poorly fitting cage that cause real discomfort or pain that must be addressed.

If you’ve tried one or more of the inexpensive foreign-made cages and haven’t found a reasonably well-fitting device because of your anatomy, you only have two choices. If you’re larger than average, you may have no choice but to spend the money on a custom-made device built to your specifications. If your issue is large balls or the type that rides high and tight against the base of your penis, you may have to look at a device like the CB-6000 that allows for the cage to base ring gap adjustment.

The bottom line is you must have a cage that fits well enough that it is reasonably comfortable. If you are dealing with significant discomfort or pain, the annoyance will overwhelm the hotness of chastity and prevent you from reaching that glowing state of chastity bliss.

The Horniness Factor

When you put on a chastity cage, you’re transitioning from your male body getting exactly what it wants and demands to not. It’s an uncomfortable change, and your body doesn’t like it. About a day after your last orgasm, about every five minutes, your body says, “Wait, what? You mean, I can’t come? Why can’t I come? I need! Give me now!” The frustration and irritation mounts. Some guys throw in the towel, unlock, and indulge in getting the immediate relief they crave.

An older male with a lower sex drive may well have an easier time with this aspect of acclimating to chastity. A younger male with a high functioning sex drive will often find the horniness factor harder to deal with, especially if he doesn’t have a keyholder and is self-locking. Male sexual desire is a force to be reckoned with, which is why it’s called a sex “drive.” For most of us, will power alone will not suffice.

If you find yourself unlocking because you get so horny you can’t continue, then there is really only one good option. Get a keyholder. If you don’t have a partner and don’t have a friend to ask to be your keyholder, then get a for-fee keyholder. It makes a world of difference.

When you have access to the keys to your device, it’s all on you to hold yourself back from unlocking. Hour after painful hour, you have to keep telling yourself you aren’t going to crumble…until you finally crumble.

When you have a keyholder, it’s a whole different ballgame. The onus is on her to keep you locked, which is an easy task. She isn’t the one who must forgo orgasms. And, having a keyholder just makes chastity so much more fun.

Of course, some guys stymied by their high sex drive have a partner as a keyholder. They end up sabotaging their efforts to go long by whining and begging their partners for release after only a few days in their cages. Some take it a step further by becoming passive-aggressive if their partners won’t relent. That can be a real turn off for keyholders. This situation really comes down to motivation. Is long-term chastity something you really want?

Often, in-cage releases with the use of a vibrator against the cage or prostate milking can get you through the rough patches and on the one way to more extended wear periods. You can do both with or without keyholder.

Arousal Drop

Arousal drop is the exact opposite of the “I get so horny” problem. Some guys report that they like chastity and want to wear their cages longer periods, but can’t get there. While wearing the cage for a few days is overwhelmingly arousing, after that, they lose interest. Chastity just feels like an annoyance. This problem often results from lack of stimulation, the teasing part of teasing and denial.

When a guy first puts on a cage, usually his arousal gets a bump and will continue to climb for a while. But it won’t just keep rising to infinity and beyond. The male sexual response cycle doesn’t work that way. At some point, your body figures out it isn’t going to get an orgasm soon and can lose interest. Arousal drops, and chastity isn’t fun anymore.

The Need For Tease

I think guys who self-lock have this problem sometimes, but it can also be an issue for guys with a keyholder. If you have a keyholder who, for whatever reason, doesn’t provide enough teasing or effective teasing, arousal drop can ensue. That’s an issue for me. After about a week with no teasing, my arousal level starts dropping until it flat lines. I then get bored, lose interest, and soon everything about wearing a cage gets annoying.

If it’s a keyholder issue, then you must talk with them and explain you’re having a problem. If they can’t or won’t address the problem, then you may just have to look for a different keyholder.

For guys who self-lock and run into this problem, they must find a way to get the stimulation they need to keep their arousal at a high level. For some, maybe it’s watching some porn. For others, perhaps doing in cage edging with a vibrator, or enjoying some anal play is the ticket. Whatever it is, getting the needed teasing will usually stave off the feelings of boredom and loss of interest.

The Chastity Cycle

When you’re having trouble keeping your cage on for longer periods, it can be helpful to grasp a good understanding of the chastity cycle.

After a guy has an orgasm and ejaculates, his sexual desire and interest in sexual release evaporates temporarily. Sexual desire falls precipitously to its lowest levels. When we were new to chastity, who among us didn’t opt to have that last spurt before locking up for a stint in the chastity cage. That made the first day or two easy.

But, as we know, we rascally males don’t keep our heads down long. Within twenty-four hours for most guys, sexual desire begins to return slowly. We may not notice it at first, but by the second or third day, it starts taking over our one-tracked minds, and we’re getting ready for some relief. That’s why the days two to four are the most difficult for most men. It’s a lot like the way the third or fourth day of a diet is when people are the most temptation prone and why so many dieters are likely to give in then and fail.

Sometime after day four, depending on the guy, your body will slowly start to realize that orgasm is not imminent, and it’s a waste of resources to keep expecting relief at any second. You will begin to stabilize and start accepting chastity both mentally and physically.

In this phase of the chastity cycle, your expectations for orgasm have been lowered enough that your mind and body stop actively fighting chastity. In this phase, you start to experience chastity, to feel the sensations of ever-growing arousal and ever-intensifying desire. For guys, sexual desire is pleasurable. It becomes a sweet sensation that never stops, made only a little bittersweet by occasional waves of the almost overwhelming need for relief. But don’t worry. Those pass quickly if you stay the course.

The Open Road To Chastity Bliss

Once you’re past day five or six, assuming you’ve got a decently comfortable cage, you’re on the open road to chastity bliss cruising along with the top down and the wind blowing through your hair.

This phase can last for three to four weeks. Once you’ve hit the two-week milestone, you should be able to last a month as long as you don’t take your foot off the gas. You should feel more and more aroused gradually. Chastity should start feeling better and better.

It may take several rounds, and several months of wearing your cage for three to four weeks at a time for your mind to evolve and your body to acclimate. But eventually, it will happen. There will come a day when after you experience the letdown that follows orgasm, you will actually crave going back into chastity. You’ll miss the glow so much you will reach the point you don’t want to be unlocked when the end of a third or fourth week rolls around.

As always, thanks for reading. I hope you’ve found a few usable chastity troubleshooting tips that will help you go beyond wearing your device for only a few days to fun and enjoyable, long-term wear.

chastity keyholders male chastity

Breaking Up With Your Keyholder Is Hard To Do

By Chaste on Monday, June 1, 2020

It’s been a while since it happened, but Lady Jayne and I parted company. I’ve thought of posting about it before but didn’t feel ready. Even thinking about it made me feel sad. Breaking up with your keyholder is hard to do.

I beg of you, Goddess, don’t say goodbye
Can’t we give our chastity contract another try?
Come on, Goddess, let’s start anew
‘Cause breaking up is hard to do.

Bluer Than Blue

But, I think I’m past it now. It seems a little weird that you can find yourself so attached to someone you really don’t even know. But it happens. At least, it did to me. I also felt that LJ and I had formed a friendship. She was definitely more to me than just a distant, online keyholder.

The problem was it became apparent we just weren’t on the same page. I hadn’t had any releases since our first month together. Well, that’s what chastity is about, some may say. Well, yes, it is. The thing is it became apparent to me from things LJ told me that her plan for me was permanent chastity. That’s something I aspire to someday, but I’m not ready for it yet.

Besides no orgasm opportunities, there were—no ruined orgasms, no instructions to do prostate milking, and few teasing assignments. I wasn’t even allowed any solo attempts at teasing without instructions. As a result, my arousal dipped lower and lower until it felt like it sort of flat-lined.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but that doesn’t work for me. Unless I can sustain heightened arousal, chastity just isn’t fun or meaningful. It starts to feel like a chore for which there is never any reward.

I hung on as long as I could, but one day, I knew it was time to throw in the towel. So, I asked to be released from our contract and fulfilled the cancellation obligation stipulated in the contract. We exchanged a couple more messages, and that was it.

It was clear she wasn’t happy about me quitting, even though I carried out all my responsibilities with the hope of ending things on a positive note. I suppose I understand that. Maybe she felt she had wasted her time on me. And, I think she may have taken my decision to quit as criticism of her as a keyholder, though it wasn’t like that all.

LJ, I believe, was the best keyholder I could have found for my first time in chastity. She was knowledgeable, experienced, and caring. In the beginning, I really thought we would be together for a very long time.

I don’t place any responsibility for my decision to quit on her. It was all me. I think I just needed more from her than she could give. LJ doesn’t make her living from keyholding. It’s only a side gig doing something she enjoys. And, she is very popular in online keyholding circles. She holds keys for a lot of guys. So, she simply doesn’t have enough hours in a day to give every guy as much personal attention as he might want or feel he needs.

Without regular teasing assignments and her prohibition against me doing anything on my own, I just couldn’t sustain the level of arousal to stay with the program. I became irritable all the time, and that just wasn’t fair to the people who must deal with me daily in the real world.

Though I was unhappy about quitting LJ, I never felt I was abandoning chastity. It is something I think benefits me. I took a few days to reset and re-calibrate, and then I started self-locking. That was okay for a while, but solo chastity is hard and not that much fun. It wasn’t long until I started searching for another keyholder, and found one. She locked me for the first time last week.

A New Keyholder

At the moment, we’re doing a two-week trial before discussing something more long-term. I must say, the difference so far for me has been like night and day. While I don’t have daily contact with my new keyholder as I did with LJ, she gave me teasing assignments at the start to do twice daily over the entire two-week period. That’s been the difference. The tasks keep my head bumping against the ceiling of heightened arousal, and I’m getting the steady drip of dopamine that most of us chaste guys crave. I couldn’t believe how quickly the first week has passed for me.

It’s not at all that I feel my current keyholder is better than LJ. She is just different and has a different way of going about things. It’s too early to say whether she will LJ’s permanent replacement, but I’ve been more than happy with the way things have gone so far. During my search for a new keyholder, I had found several potential keyholders who intrigued me. So, I still have options. But I’m leaning towards doing a full month with the woman holding my keys right now before I consider trying someone else. Only a little more time will tell if we’re a good long-term fit.

So, I’m back in the saddle for now, and I’m going to borrow an idea from pcguy, the blogger at Thrill Of The Chaste. He has a page on his site where you can see his current status—lock or unlocked. I love that idea, so I’m putting a similar page on my website. Just look for the tab in the menu, My Current Status, if you want to check mine.

LJ was great, and I’m sure I’ll continue missing her. I’ll miss the great chats we used to have and doing my best to please her. But life is about change. And usually, things happen the way they do because that’s the way they were supposed to happen.

Thanks for reading. I’ll keep you updated on the developments with my new keyholder.

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