chastity benefits for keyholders Archives

The Secret to Successfully Adding Male Chastity to Your Relationship Revealed In 7 Simple Rules

By Chaste on Tuesday, October 11, 2022

I suspect many guys are observing this eleventh day of Locktober 2022 solo, or like me, under the supervision of a pro keyholder. Still, I expect there are guys who finally found the courage to approach their wife or partner this year to have the chastity discussion. And a smaller subset of that group persuaded their significant others to add male chastity to their relationship, at least as a trial for the month of October. If that describes you, congratulations. And I hope you will take a few moments to contemplate the secret to successfully adding male chastity to your relationship revealed in 7 simple rules.

A hilarious, satirical forum post I read on Chastity Mansion last evening, “How to get my husband to embrace a Canasta Centric Lifestyle?” by a woman going by the name Ashley Wilson Black is what sparked the idea of this post. Basically, she was poking a little fun at the guys who are forever posting in the forums, asking for advice on how to get their wives or partners to embrace male chastity. She cleverly turned it around to the female perspective, substituting the name of a card game (Canasta) for chastity. Maybe she was a bit harsh it spots, but I definitely got where she was coming from. So, for those lucky guys out there who convinced their wives or partners to explore chastity with them by acting as their key holders, you don’t want to blow it. And here I’m offering some simple rules that might just keep you from doing that.

Rule #1: Balance Reality with the Fantasy

Let’s be honest. At least at the beginning, the urge to satisfy a very common male fantasy motivates a guy’s interest in chastity. They want to spend long periods (just not too long) locked up at the mercy of a cruel, adamantine Mistress who will demand constant sexual pleasure through oral stimulation while he must suffer the pains of denial, unable to even have an erection. It’s the attraction of tease and denial play that most often drives initial interest in chastity, not the practice of chastity itself.

There is nothing wrong with sexual fantasies or seeking to enact them as long as no one gets harmed. But if it’s only fantasy driving it, chastity is likely to turn out massively disappointing both for the chastised male and his key holder. Take your joint foray into chastity with a healthy dose of reality because chances are good, your fantasy is not likely to ever be fully realized. And I can even make an argument for why it shouldn’t. You see, male chastity isn’t about you and your dick. It’s about your key holder and chastity should ALWAYS be female-focused (or partner-focused for those whose tastes may lie elsewhere).

Rule #2: Don’t Try to Mold Your Partner into a Dominatrix

Another question I often see guys post in chastity forums is how they can get their wives or partners to act more dominant. Here again, we see fantasy fulfillment outside the bounds of reality raising its ugly head. How do you get your wife or partner to act more dominant? You probably don’t. Simple as that. Long before I ever tried male chastity, I was heavily involved in the kink community. Yes, I offer only anecdotal evidence, based on my experiences, but I firmly believe that dominants (in the sexual and kink contexts) are born, not made.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t lots of people who can act effectively in the role of a top when so inclined, but here I’m talking about an actual, honest to goodness dominant. If your wife or partner had not a kinky bone in her body before you broached the subject of male chastity and asked her to become your key holder, it’s most unlikely she is going to turn magically into the harsh, implacable Dominatrix of your fantasies. Back during my days in the kink community, when the novel Fifty Shades of Grey came out and interest in BDSM exploded, I can’t even guess how many women asked me a similar question. How can I get my husband (or other significant other) to Dom me? I gave them the same answer. You probably can’t. They may not even be interested in trying, much less be capable of it.

If male chastity is key holder-focused, which it is, you should never try to coerce, persuade, or pester your key holder into becoming something she is not and that might even make her feel hugely uncomfortable. There is a word for that. It’s called manipulation. Just don’t. Manipulation is never okay. Many wives and partners, bless their hearts, agree to incorporate chastity into the relationship and serve as their male partner’s key holder out of loving kindness and genuine caring despite how stupid, unnatural, and useless they actually believe locking up penises really is. So, please don’t repay these wonderful women by telling them how they need to do a better job of fulfilling your fantasies.

Rule #3: Don’t Talk to Your Key Holder About Chasity and Kink Constantly

You know what I hate most about Twitter? It’s the political and social justice activists. They rarely, if ever, post about anything but politics and social justice. They simply don’t grasp that not everyone is obsessed with politics and social justice as they are and that they bore the holy hell out of people like me. In fact, I end up not only hating them but everything they advocate and stand for because it reminds me of them. And they are too self-absorbed and ignorant to understand they do their various causes way more harm than good. I actually view a lot of things negatively today that I once either saw positively or at least had no strong opinion about either way because of the self-appointed, self-styled, in your face activist assholes on Twitter. This is exactly the reason you shouldn’t talk to your partner incessantly about chastity. Trust me. The vast majority of them will never feel as fanatical about it as you do. Chastity is not on her mind or something she wants on her mind all day, every day.

Most of the time, a wife or partner agrees to chastity and to becoming a key holder because they love their penis owning partner and want them to be happy. They see cooperating with the latest kinky thing he picked up on the Internet as just another relationship cross they must bear. Secretly, they hope the chastity cage will turn out massively uncomfortable if not outright painful, and that their partner will soon lose interest in it. After all, it’s stupid, unnatural, and pointless, anyway. But even those who may discover to their complete astonishment that they actually enjoy the new power their partner has bestowed on them and finally having the means to put a stop to the constant sex bargaining they have always dealt with, don’t want to engage in chastity discussions and sexy kink talk ad nauseam. Subjecting your key holder to this will only annoy them, so don’t be surprised when they don’t want to play anymore if you insist on doing it. A good rule to follow is this. The first rule of male chastity is don’t talk about male chastity, unless your key holder brings it up.

Rule #4: Don’t Complain That She Doesn’t Tease You Enough or Effectively

Remember our old friend, Tease and Denial? Many guys opt into male chastity because they want to be helplessly subjected to sexual teasing until driven crazy with arousal. Hopefully, you thought to cover the teasing bit when you first asked your significant other to lock you in a chastity device. Because once the lock snaps shut, that’s all behind you now. The quality and frequency of sexual teasing is completely up to your key holder. And guess what? Teasing may not be her thing. She might not know how to do it. She may not even be interested in learning how to do it. Or doing it all, for that matter.

Luckily, when faced with something they know little about, because of their very inquisitive nature, women often immediately turn to the Internet or a bookstore looking for resources that will get them up to speed. So, maybe, if you’re lucky, if your key holder never heard of male chastity before you brought it up, she might dig into the topic and learn all about teasing and how to do it. She might even ask you what sort of things make you pleasantly aroused if she doesn’t already know. But remember, that’s up to her, not you. So, if she isn’t interested in teasing or learning about it, you could end up with the worst possible chastity outcome, locked and forgot. Still, complaining and nagging will get you nowhere and may even end with her throwing the key back in your face with strongly worded instructions to never speak to her about chastity again.

Rule #5: Don’t Negotiate

Once your wife or key holder locks you up, understand something. There’s no scheduled release, no time off for good behavior, no get out of jail free cards, no negotiations. She decides when or if she unlocks your penis. That’s how enforced chastity works. So, don’t tell her how horny you are and ask her to unlock you. And don’t even think about *gasp* begging. If she understands how chastity is supposed to work and isn’t a pushover, even if she isn’t the female version of Christian Grey, she will automatically say “no” whenever you ask or beg for release. After all, she will reason: Isn’t this what he asked for? And don’t forget the first rule of chastity. Never talk about chastity unless your key holder brings it up. If she is a good key holder, she will even punish you for asking for release. And she should.

Rule #6: Never Refuse Punishment or Chores

Domestic service and submission are two things that we commonly incorporate with chastity. Focusing on the key holder usually means a guy doing household chores that weren’t previously his responsibility. The goal is to make your key holder happy by doing anything she wants you to do that she finds pleasurable, even if that is only you doing the laundry. But, at some point, frustration sets in. What you enjoyed immensely at the beginning suddenly feels less satisfying. What you regarded as perpetual foreplay doesn’t result in the reward of a nice, throbbing erection or the sexual release you want desperately. Maybe you even broke the rule and asked or begged her to unlock you. But she said no and now you’re left feeling angry and act out passively aggressively. Maybe you actively disobey by refusing to do a chore she assigned. Or, maybe you earned punishment for violating a rule, and refuse to accept it. This is another thing that can sink your chastity boat and ruin the experience for both of you.

When you refuse to do a chore or accept a punishment, you are taking back the power you transferred to your key holder and showing her that chastity is about you, not about her, as it should be. And that might just destroy your credibility in her eyes and she will never believe it’s focused on her again. So, if it is truly important to you to incorporate chastity into the relationship, grit your teeth and resist the urge to disobey when frustration sets in.

Rule #7: Don’t Use Chastity to Segue Clandestinely into Another Fetish or Kink

Your wife or partner deserves to know exactly what you are asking for when you ask her to lock you in chastity. I’ve known many men who wanted much more than just having their cocks locked up. But instead of laying it all out at the beginning, they asked their partners for the chastity piece first and once they got that, they then pushed for fulfillment of some other fetish or kink interest. For some guys, chastity is only a segue into something else they really want to experience, like feminization, small penis humiliation, or cuckolding. Not that there is anything wrong with desiring or enjoying those kinks as long as everyone agrees. But you should never ask your partner to add chastity to the relationship when you already know you intend to up the ante later by asking her to add some other fetish or kink. Be honest and lay it all out at the front end.

Yes, maybe she would add chastity but won’t have any interest at all in feminizing you, ridiculing the size of your tool, or having sex with other men. And hearing you want those things too may put her off chastity. But it’s dishonest to withhold information from her she might wish to include in her decision-making process.

Some kinks many guys think fit seamlessly with chastity actually don’t. Consider the three I mentioned, forced feminization, SPH, and cuckolding. All of those fit into the humiliation kink category and are all stand-alone kinks embraced by guys who find humiliation sexually arousing. That’s what sets them apart from chastity. They are self-focused, while chastity is partner-focused. At least it should be. You can tell me until the cows come home you want your wife to cuckold you only because you just can’t satisfy her with your cock the way a more generously endowed bull could and you only want her to be happy and sexually fulfilled. But we both know a huge part of it is how horny it would make you knowing some other guy with a bigger cock is shagging your wife, and even better if she lets you watch or gives you a play-by-play afterward.

Just a few rules of thumb to keep in mind if your significant other has agreed to lock you and hold the key for the first time this Locktober. You may not remember them all. But that’s okay as long as you remember this. Male chastity isn’t about you. It’s key holder-focused. As long as you remember that and apply it, you’ll automatically keep all seven rules.

If you’re observing Locktober 2022 and still hanging in there, well done. If it’s your first Locktober and you’re still locked after ten full days, that’s awesome. Good luck to all. Just 20 days and a few hours to go.

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Benefits Women Can Expect From Male Chastity

By Chaste on Wednesday, March 3, 2021

Think Male Chastity Only Benefits the Men Who Want it? Think Again.

There are many readily attainable benefits for women who choose to lock their male partner’s penis in a chastity cage. In the first article aimed at women whose husbands or boyfriends have revealed they desire chastity, I briefly mentioned the benefits women can expect from male chastity. In this post, we look at those benefits more closely.

Common Complaints Women Have About Their Men

One way to look at the readily attainable benefits of agreeing to lock your male partner’s penis in a chastity device is to look at some of the common complaints women have about their men. While researching this article, I looked at many different lists of this type, and here are eight complaints that made every list.

(1) “He never helps around the house.”

(2) “He’s is always playing video games, watching sports, etc., etc.”

(3) “We have the same arguments every day.”

(4) “He just wants sex.”

(5) “A little appreciation would be nice.”

(6) “He has to be taught basic life skills.”

(7) “He’s afraid of my feelings.”

(8) “He doesn’t listen.”

Do any of these sound familiar, ladies? All of them? What if I told you putting your man in chastity could eradicate the behaviors behind all of these complaints? Other women have seen it happen. So could you. But how is that possible?

Men and Sex

Someone once said that for women, sex is like scratching an itch. For men, it is like satisfying hunger or thirst. I think that’s an accurate analogy. The sex drives of women and men are remarkably different. Imagine if we were all the same. If evolution had programmed women to view and want sex the same as it has men, the world would be in utter chaos.

Many women believe that men have a one-track mind when it comes to sex. The truth is, that is a simplistic explanation for how men think about sex. Hundreds of thousands of years have programmed men with a prime directive to reproduce. It was nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the species.

While once a useful and necessary trait, the male sex drive is now mostly a nuisance.

A majority of men naturally feel a nearly irresistible urge to ejaculate semen every twenty-four to seventy-hours. When aroused, a man is the most conscious of and attuned to women because of the sexual desire and the felt need to satisfy it. Once the urge is satiated, male desire reaches its lowest level, and he loses interest.

But not for long. Usually, within twenty-four hours, desire builds once again. It’s a continuous cycle. If a female partner is unavailable, most men resort to masturbation to satisfy the sexual need.

Why can’t men show a little self-discipline like women do when it comes to sex? That’s like asking why a heroin addict can’t show a little self-discipline and stop using heroin. I’m not making excuses for men. I’m only telling you the truth.

How Chastity Changes Everything

When a man’s penis is locked inside a chastity device, everything changes. He no longer enjoys the freedom to orgasm at will or even to touch his penis. The person holding the key makes those decisions. The sexual desire doesn’t disappear. It becomes more pronounced. The need becomes more keenly felt. A chaste man can soon feel desperate for sexual release. That’s why male sexual energy, when harnessed for good through the use of a chastity cage, becomes a tool a woman can use to modify her partners’ behavior.

Imagine that, and let it sink in for a moment. You’ve locked your partner’s penis in a cage, and you hold the key. Only you can unlock him. He feels desperate for sexual release. Who do you think becomes his singular focus, the most important person in his world? That’s right. You. Only you have the power to give him what he desperately wants.

The Behavior of a Chaste Man

Men locked in a chastity device behave far differently than men who are not. That’s because orgasm denial produces some profound hormonal changes in the male body. The changes are so dramatic that even while experiencing almost unbearable arousal, it can feel supremely pleasurable.

In this state, a man becomes more attentive to his partner and her needs, more in touch with his own feelings, and eager to please to almost a subservient degree. Those eight common complaints we looked at earlier? The male behaviors behind them simply disappear. The chastened man will literally do almost anything his partner, the keyholder, asks of him. Imagine the possibilities. These are the benefits women can expect from male chastity.

No one has to tell you how disinterested, inattentive, and unromantic your man becomes after having sex or masturbating. Imagine now that instead of enduring this behavior every few days, you only have to deal with it occasionally and as infrequently as you wish.

Just because he desires chastity doesn’t mean you must give up sex, not even PIV sex. You are free to have it as often as you like. Only you forbid him to come and lock him right back up when you’ve finished with him.

You can even keep him locked up and enjoy the attentive quality oral sex you’ve always dreamed of but rarely experienced in the past. He will be happy to serve you orally as often and for as long as you wish as he learns that giving you pleasure becomes his greatest pleasure.

So I Can Keep Him Locked All the Time?

No, unfortunately, you can’t leave a man locked and denied indefinitely. If you never give him a release, his arousal level will eventually fall. He might even become depressed. He must believe that eventually, you will allow him a release.

But you can easily keep him in the state of elevated arousal for weeks at a time. And by judiciously managing his releases through the use of techniques like ruined orgasms, prostate milking, and only allowing him to come while wearing his chastity device (though use of a vibrator), you can shorten those periods of unsatisfactory behavior. That’s because while all of those techniques give him a small measure of relief, they aren’t truly satisfying in the way unrestricted orgasms are.

After a less than fully satisfying release, his arousal will quickly build again to its former elevated level, that sweet spot where you want to keep him.

If Only Life Were Simple

If life were simple, the only effort required of you would be snapping a lock shut and putting away the key. Frankly, it doesn’t work quite that way. Chastity will require some time and effort on your part to keep your partner’s arousal at a high level. It will require you to tease him sexually regularly. But that’s something you should want to do. That’s how you maximize the benefits you will enjoy.

Don’t worry. Even if teasing isn’t something you feel particularly adept at or even something you feel wired to do, it isn’t hard and doesn’t require loads of time. Teasing is the next topic we will visit in this series. And as far as the time commitment, all you must do is shift chores and responsibilities to your partner you have done previously to free up the extra time.

If your husband or boyfriend has recently admitted he desires chastity and asks you to enforce it by becoming his keyholder, I hope you feel less reluctant about giving it a try. After reading this post, you now know the benefits women can expect from male chastity and that it could vastly improve your relationship. By agreeing to lock up your partner’s penis, you will be doing yourself a big favor.

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How Not to Explain Male Chastity to Your Wife or Girlfriend

By Chaste on Friday, February 19, 2021

And a Few Tips on How to Do it Right

I’ve come across a good many websites offering advice to a guy on how to explain male chastity to his wife or girlfriend when he feels the time is right to bring up the subject and ask his partner to lock his penis in a chastity device.

The thing is, these websites are invariably written by men who seem not to understand that women with their intuitive nature will see right through these flimsy, ill-conceived strategies to win them over. Using many of the suggestions I’ve seen could doom your conversation to fail. Rather than win your partner over to the idea of chastity, you might only provoke a heated argument. Let’s have a look at some of the suggestions you should avoid using.

1. Wearing a chastity device will make me more attentive to your needs.

Guess how 99.9% of women will respond to this. “Why must I lock your cock in a chastity cage for you be more attentive to my needs? Why aren’t you already more attentive to my needs?”

Having an inattentive partner who only gives them his full attention when he wants sex is one of the top complaints on most every woman’s list of her partner’s shortcomings. That makes this first suggestion a potential land mine and a very bad idea. You’re admitting you aren’t nearly attentive enough to her needs while telling her if she gives you something you want, then you will work on the deficiency. A woman will see this for what it is immediately, a quid pro quo offer where the something you’re offering is something she should already be getting.

Sure, it’s true. If she locks up your cock, you will very likley be far more attentive to her needs. But don’t even go there. This argument will not help your cause.

2. Wearing a chastity device will make me more affectionate and loving and I'll desire you even more.

Here again is a statement that is probably true. It is an expected effect of chastity and orgasm denial. But, again, we are firmly in the territory of something you realize you have been remiss about, but you will only be motivated to improve if your wife or girlfriend gives you something you want. Is it really a good idea to use this argument with your partner? No, it is not.

3. Wearing a chastity device will make me less likely to look at other women and less tempted to cheat.

Seriously? Is there a guy who would really say this to his wife or girlfriend? Would it really sway a woman towards the idea of putting her man in chastity if he tells her he would stop looking lustfully at other women and less likley to have an affair. I don’t think so. And, trust me on this. She knows you look lustfully at other women and it bothers her. It isn’t a topic you should bring up while trying to persuade to her to agree to something you want. Similarly, telling her a hunk of steel or plastic dangling between your legs is all that might prevent you from cheating on her one day isn’t a good strategy.

4. If you lock me in chastity, I'll be more helpful around the house.

The female response? “Why aren’t you already helping around the house? Why must I continually nag you every time I ask you to do the smallest chore?” Enough said.

5. I'll do things for you like giving you a massage, brushing your hair, and giving you the best oral sex ever.

Do you really want her to ask why you don’t already occasionally do some of those lovely things for her? Because she will if you use this argument.

Factually, all of the things listed above are benefits your wife can reasonably expect that chastity and orgasm denial will give her. The problem is, they are all benefits she already has every right to expect from you and is probably not seeing often enough to suit her. That’s what makes them all bad arguments to use.

Understanding the Perspective of Your Wife or Girlfriend

As men, I sometimes believe we don’t truly understand how big an ask it is when we tell our significant others we have chastity desires and request they enforce our chastity. What often happens when we bring up the subject is they respond with something like,” Well, I see how this is going to benefit you. But what about me? What do I get out of it?”

That’s a perfectly reasonable response and so it’s something you must be ready for. But you have to be smart about describing how you being in chastity is going to benefit her. To do that, you must put yourself in your wife or girlfriend’s shoes.

I’m not suggesting you try to con your partner or try to manipulate her into getting on board with your chastity idea. You should be honest, but should present the benefits in a way where she clearly sees how putting you in chastity will benefit her.

Things to Say That Are More Aligned With Your Partner's Perspective

(1) Admit your shortcomings and explain that you want and need to learn how to serve your wife or girlfriend better in order to make her life easier and happier. Then explain you believe chastity can help you do that because it will remove the focus from your needs so you can learn to be the kind of husband or boyfriend she truly deserves.

(2) Admit that during sex in the past, you have come to understand you were too focused on getting the experience you wanted and not focusing enough on her needs and desires in the bedroom. Explain you want to learn how to better focus on what she wants to make her sex life more enjoyable and fulfilling. Add that wearing a chastity cage removes you from the equation which will help you learn to focus all your energy on her pleasure and desires during intimacy, and that her pleasure will become your pleasure.

(3) Admit that you have selfishly wasted too much energy on masturbation and wearing a chastity device will help you learn to reserve your energy for higher purposes, such as pleasing her.

(4) Tell her that having her enforce your chastity means you will receive guidance and constructive criticism from her about how to perform daily tasks and doing your fair share around the house which will reduce the burden of household chores for her. Tell her you welcome her assigning you chores she wants you to do.

These suggestions may seem similar to the five arguments listed previously that I advise against using. But here is the difference. What the first five strategies were really about was a man who wants something for him and his fetish and he’s disguising his desires and his needs as benefits for his wife. The last four suggestions are a more honest approach that clearly spell out the benefits the hoped for future keyholder can expect.

I can’t stress this enough. Once you have made the decision to share your chastity desires with your wife or partner, and have gathered the courage to initiate the conversation, honesty is the best policy. It’s perfectly fine to explain that you have been fascinated by the thought of wearing a chastity device for a while. You can even share some of your fantasies with her if you wish, as long as they aren’t fantasies she might find threatening or taboo. But mostly, you want to focus on how chastity will benefit her and the relationship.

Other Things to Avoid

One thing to keep in mind is your choice of words when raising the subject of your chastity desires. The words you choose to use will have a big impact on her receptiveness to the idea. Unless you and your significant other are already involved significantly in kink, avoid words like domination, submission, discipline, punishment, and slave. These are all terms that a woman who is largely in the vanilla camp when it comes to intimacy might find off-putting.

As you speak to her about chastity, don’t be forceful. Don’t push the idea of keyholding on her. And after you’ve said your piece, give her plenty of time to consider all you’ve said and to do her own research if she wants. Give her the opportunity to make up her own mind about your desires and the future of chastity in the relationship. That’s the only way she will ever develop a sense of ownership about her role as the keyholder.

Don’t tell her about your mental image of your ideal Dominatrix, or favorite submission scenario. She may not be able to relate such things to your relationship with her.

Don't Bring Up Other Kinky Fantasies Now

Sometimes guys have other sexual desires that they feel go hand in hand with chastity. One example is forced feminization. I’d recommend you don’t tell her you want to explore the sissy life when you first bring up the subject of enforced chastity because that is probably already going to be enough for your wife or partner to get her head around. The other things you may have in mind should wait until later. I’m all for honesty and transparency, but there is also such a thing as too much information.

Overall, agreeing to enforcing your chastity and acting as your keyholder must be your partner’s decision and not one she makes only to please you instead of something she really wants. That’s the only way chastity can be successfully introduced into your relationship.

In 2021, I am committed to posting more informative articles aimed at women whose husbands or boyfriends have brought up adding chastity to their relationships. That’s the focus of the next post.

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