I suspect many guys are observing this eleventh day of Locktober 2022 solo, or like me, under the supervision of a pro keyholder. Still, I expect there are guys who finally found the courage to approach their wife or partner this year to have the chastity discussion. And a smaller subset of that group persuaded their significant others to add male chastity to their relationship, at least as a trial for the month of October. If that describes you, congratulations. And I hope you will take a few moments to contemplate the secret to successfully adding male chastity to your relationship revealed in 7 simple rules.
A hilarious, satirical forum post I read on Chastity Mansion last evening, “How to get my husband to embrace a Canasta Centric Lifestyle?” by a woman going by the name Ashley Wilson Black is what sparked the idea of this post. Basically, she was poking a little fun at the guys who are forever posting in the forums, asking for advice on how to get their wives or partners to embrace male chastity. She cleverly turned it around to the female perspective, substituting the name of a card game (Canasta) for chastity. Maybe she was a bit harsh it spots, but I definitely got where she was coming from. So, for those lucky guys out there who convinced their wives or partners to explore chastity with them by acting as their key holders, you don’t want to blow it. And here I’m offering some simple rules that might just keep you from doing that.
Rule #1: Balance Reality with the Fantasy
Let’s be honest. At least at the beginning, the urge to satisfy a very common male fantasy motivates a guy’s interest in chastity. They want to spend long periods (just not too long) locked up at the mercy of a cruel, adamantine Mistress who will demand constant sexual pleasure through oral stimulation while he must suffer the pains of denial, unable to even have an erection. It’s the attraction of tease and denial play that most often drives initial interest in chastity, not the practice of chastity itself.
There is nothing wrong with sexual fantasies or seeking to enact them as long as no one gets harmed. But if it’s only fantasy driving it, chastity is likely to turn out massively disappointing both for the chastised male and his key holder. Take your joint foray into chastity with a healthy dose of reality because chances are good, your fantasy is not likely to ever be fully realized. And I can even make an argument for why it shouldn’t. You see, male chastity isn’t about you and your dick. It’s about your key holder and chastity should ALWAYS be female-focused (or partner-focused for those whose tastes may lie elsewhere).
Rule #2: Don’t Try to Mold Your Partner into a Dominatrix
Another question I often see guys post in chastity forums is how they can get their wives or partners to act more dominant. Here again, we see fantasy fulfillment outside the bounds of reality raising its ugly head. How do you get your wife or partner to act more dominant? You probably don’t. Simple as that. Long before I ever tried male chastity, I was heavily involved in the kink community. Yes, I offer only anecdotal evidence, based on my experiences, but I firmly believe that dominants (in the sexual and kink contexts) are born, not made.
That doesn’t mean there aren’t lots of people who can act effectively in the role of a top when so inclined, but here I’m talking about an actual, honest to goodness dominant. If your wife or partner had not a kinky bone in her body before you broached the subject of male chastity and asked her to become your key holder, it’s most unlikely she is going to turn magically into the harsh, implacable Dominatrix of your fantasies. Back during my days in the kink community, when the novel Fifty Shades of Grey came out and interest in BDSM exploded, I can’t even guess how many women asked me a similar question. How can I get my husband (or other significant other) to Dom me? I gave them the same answer. You probably can’t. They may not even be interested in trying, much less be capable of it.
If male chastity is key holder-focused, which it is, you should never try to coerce, persuade, or pester your key holder into becoming something she is not and that might even make her feel hugely uncomfortable. There is a word for that. It’s called manipulation. Just don’t. Manipulation is never okay. Many wives and partners, bless their hearts, agree to incorporate chastity into the relationship and serve as their male partner’s key holder out of loving kindness and genuine caring despite how stupid, unnatural, and useless they actually believe locking up penises really is. So, please don’t repay these wonderful women by telling them how they need to do a better job of fulfilling your fantasies.
Rule #3: Don’t Talk to Your Key Holder About Chasity and Kink Constantly
You know what I hate most about Twitter? It’s the political and social justice activists. They rarely, if ever, post about anything but politics and social justice. They simply don’t grasp that not everyone is obsessed with politics and social justice as they are and that they bore the holy hell out of people like me. In fact, I end up not only hating them but everything they advocate and stand for because it reminds me of them. And they are too self-absorbed and ignorant to understand they do their various causes way more harm than good. I actually view a lot of things negatively today that I once either saw positively or at least had no strong opinion about either way because of the self-appointed, self-styled, in your face activist assholes on Twitter. This is exactly the reason you shouldn’t talk to your partner incessantly about chastity. Trust me. The vast majority of them will never feel as fanatical about it as you do. Chastity is not on her mind or something she wants on her mind all day, every day.
Most of the time, a wife or partner agrees to chastity and to becoming a key holder because they love their penis owning partner and want them to be happy. They see cooperating with the latest kinky thing he picked up on the Internet as just another relationship cross they must bear. Secretly, they hope the chastity cage will turn out massively uncomfortable if not outright painful, and that their partner will soon lose interest in it. After all, it’s stupid, unnatural, and pointless, anyway. But even those who may discover to their complete astonishment that they actually enjoy the new power their partner has bestowed on them and finally having the means to put a stop to the constant sex bargaining they have always dealt with, don’t want to engage in chastity discussions and sexy kink talk ad nauseam. Subjecting your key holder to this will only annoy them, so don’t be surprised when they don’t want to play anymore if you insist on doing it. A good rule to follow is this. The first rule of male chastity is don’t talk about male chastity, unless your key holder brings it up.
Rule #4: Don’t Complain That She Doesn’t Tease You Enough or Effectively
Remember our old friend, Tease and Denial? Many guys opt into male chastity because they want to be helplessly subjected to sexual teasing until driven crazy with arousal. Hopefully, you thought to cover the teasing bit when you first asked your significant other to lock you in a chastity device. Because once the lock snaps shut, that’s all behind you now. The quality and frequency of sexual teasing is completely up to your key holder. And guess what? Teasing may not be her thing. She might not know how to do it. She may not even be interested in learning how to do it. Or doing it all, for that matter.
Luckily, when faced with something they know little about, because of their very inquisitive nature, women often immediately turn to the Internet or a bookstore looking for resources that will get them up to speed. So, maybe, if you’re lucky, if your key holder never heard of male chastity before you brought it up, she might dig into the topic and learn all about teasing and how to do it. She might even ask you what sort of things make you pleasantly aroused if she doesn’t already know. But remember, that’s up to her, not you. So, if she isn’t interested in teasing or learning about it, you could end up with the worst possible chastity outcome, locked and forgot. Still, complaining and nagging will get you nowhere and may even end with her throwing the key back in your face with strongly worded instructions to never speak to her about chastity again.
Rule #5: Don’t Negotiate
Once your wife or key holder locks you up, understand something. There’s no scheduled release, no time off for good behavior, no get out of jail free cards, no negotiations. She decides when or if she unlocks your penis. That’s how enforced chastity works. So, don’t tell her how horny you are and ask her to unlock you. And don’t even think about *gasp* begging. If she understands how chastity is supposed to work and isn’t a pushover, even if she isn’t the female version of Christian Grey, she will automatically say “no” whenever you ask or beg for release. After all, she will reason: Isn’t this what he asked for? And don’t forget the first rule of chastity. Never talk about chastity unless your key holder brings it up. If she is a good key holder, she will even punish you for asking for release. And she should.
Rule #6: Never Refuse Punishment or Chores
Domestic service and submission are two things that we commonly incorporate with chastity. Focusing on the key holder usually means a guy doing household chores that weren’t previously his responsibility. The goal is to make your key holder happy by doing anything she wants you to do that she finds pleasurable, even if that is only you doing the laundry. But, at some point, frustration sets in. What you enjoyed immensely at the beginning suddenly feels less satisfying. What you regarded as perpetual foreplay doesn’t result in the reward of a nice, throbbing erection or the sexual release you want desperately. Maybe you even broke the rule and asked or begged her to unlock you. But she said no and now you’re left feeling angry and act out passively aggressively. Maybe you actively disobey by refusing to do a chore she assigned. Or, maybe you earned punishment for violating a rule, and refuse to accept it. This is another thing that can sink your chastity boat and ruin the experience for both of you.
When you refuse to do a chore or accept a punishment, you are taking back the power you transferred to your key holder and showing her that chastity is about you, not about her, as it should be. And that might just destroy your credibility in her eyes and she will never believe it’s focused on her again. So, if it is truly important to you to incorporate chastity into the relationship, grit your teeth and resist the urge to disobey when frustration sets in.
Rule #7: Don’t Use Chastity to Segue Clandestinely into Another Fetish or Kink
Your wife or partner deserves to know exactly what you are asking for when you ask her to lock you in chastity. I’ve known many men who wanted much more than just having their cocks locked up. But instead of laying it all out at the beginning, they asked their partners for the chastity piece first and once they got that, they then pushed for fulfillment of some other fetish or kink interest. For some guys, chastity is only a segue into something else they really want to experience, like feminization, small penis humiliation, or cuckolding. Not that there is anything wrong with desiring or enjoying those kinks as long as everyone agrees. But you should never ask your partner to add chastity to the relationship when you already know you intend to up the ante later by asking her to add some other fetish or kink. Be honest and lay it all out at the front end.
Yes, maybe she would add chastity but won’t have any interest at all in feminizing you, ridiculing the size of your tool, or having sex with other men. And hearing you want those things too may put her off chastity. But it’s dishonest to withhold information from her she might wish to include in her decision-making process.
Some kinks many guys think fit seamlessly with chastity actually don’t. Consider the three I mentioned, forced feminization, SPH, and cuckolding. All of those fit into the humiliation kink category and are all stand-alone kinks embraced by guys who find humiliation sexually arousing. That’s what sets them apart from chastity. They are self-focused, while chastity is partner-focused. At least it should be. You can tell me until the cows come home you want your wife to cuckold you only because you just can’t satisfy her with your cock the way a more generously endowed bull could and you only want her to be happy and sexually fulfilled. But we both know a huge part of it is how horny it would make you knowing some other guy with a bigger cock is shagging your wife, and even better if she lets you watch or gives you a play-by-play afterward.
Just a few rules of thumb to keep in mind if your significant other has agreed to lock you and hold the key for the first time this Locktober. You may not remember them all. But that’s okay as long as you remember this. Male chastity isn’t about you. It’s key holder-focused. As long as you remember that and apply it, you’ll automatically keep all seven rules.
If you’re observing Locktober 2022 and still hanging in there, well done. If it’s your first Locktober and you’re still locked after ten full days, that’s awesome. Good luck to all. Just 20 days and a few hours to go.
Comments
This is a wonderful and informative post…and filled with so much good, sensible advice for a male submissive who wants to really not just be thinking for himself.
As a long-time advocate of the dominant female, dissociating the base motivations of submission and cuckolding from a true desire to serve, and pursuit of her pleasure, has been one of the most fulfilling parts of my life. For reasons that I have blogged about, I have never practiced chastity other than to try it out, but in a way, I live it in an extreme version as a trans person.
I remain, however, perplexed by the male desire to be chaste. Fascinated, but perplexed, and not understanding where it comes from.