While I’m grateful to every key holder I’ve had, there is just something magical about having a key holder who gets you.
Having practiced chastity for a while now, I’ve had several keyholders, all professionals and all remotely. And while I liked and respected them all and found our interactions satisfying and enjoyable, in every case, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on always seemed to miss the mark. When I thought about it, I naturally assumed it was the remote arrangement. After all, there is only so much that a person can give or receive virtually. The arrangement comes with its inherent limitations. Or so I always believed.
My new key holder is an exception to the rule I held previously. I’ll call her Lucie henceforth instead of referring to her generically as “my key holder” or “Mistress.” That’s not her true name nor her professional moniker, which also isn’t her actual name. But as part of our arrangement, we agreed to respect each other’s privacy, and she doesn’t permit me to use her professional name here or to reveal any specifics about our interactions.
Mistress Lucie’s view is that while she trades a real service for money, our interactions are still intimate and personal, and deserve to be treated accordingly. I agree with that and it feels good knowing she sees things the way she does. But back to the point I was about to make.
Yes, virtual interaction with a key holder has limits and will never be the same as interacting with a key holder face to face. But that doesn’t mean remote keyholding can’t feel very real. I know this now after only a week with Mistress Lucie. The woman knows what makes men tick sexually. And in the space of a week, she has already learned what makes me tick specifically. She uses that knowledge to tailor the teasing to my individual predilections to devastating effect.
After our session yesterday, I’m suffering the effects of the worst case of blue balls I’ve ever had and am still impossibly horny. Yet on a scale of one to five, my feelings of sexual frustration are closer to zero than one. The heightened desire and arousal are so
amazingly pleasurable. And I’d never trade what I’m feeling right now for fleeting moments of jouissance. That’s because I’m feeling the purest pleasure of all. The pleasure of knowing I’m doing her will.
I don’t say this to disparage any of my past key holders, all of whom had their own impressive strengths, but I’ve experienced nothing close to what I’m experiencing now. The relationship dynamic between one who is locked and any key holder will always be unique. But in my estimation, Mistress Lucie is without peer. I’ll offer an example.
I’ve always been deferential to my past sexual partners. Giving them pleasure was always as important, if not more important, to me than my pleasure. I suppose I’m just wired that way. And the same has been true with my key holders. I wanted them to lock me, to own my penis, to decide when or if I got sexual release. But it was always vitally important to me they got something in return beyond the tributes I paid. I wanted to suffer for them, but I wanted them to enjoy making me suffer, if that makes sense. And I’ve found that true with Mistress Lucie like never before.
During our first conversation, she told me she was a true sadist and a few minutes later proved it to me if I had any doubts. I could see it in her eyes when she told me to do something I found quite painful. Mistress Lucie also told me she enjoys small penis humiliation (SPH) and CBT. We discussed that, and I admitted that neither were kinks I enjoyed, but I couldn’t honestly claim they were limits. So, both are part of our interactions because she enjoys them, possibly even more because she knows I don’t.
I submit to the SPH and CBT because it’s a way to show deference to her and to allow her to get something more from our interactions than just a tribute. Weirdly, because I know she gets pleasure from subjecting me to SPH and CBT, I get pleasure from it too precisely because it pleases her. Her pleasure becomes my pleasure. The SPH doesn’t harm my self-esteem since I know the size of my penis falls within the bell curve of average. And I can’t deny having her ridicule the size of my penis doesn’t make me twitch inside the cage. The same is true of the CBT, and to her credit, she keeps it a level she knows I can handle knowing pain isn’t my thing.
It feels truly amazing having a key holder who gets you. Not because she gives me what I need, but because with each passing day, my desire to serve her grows ever stronger. The longer we are together, the less inward my focus. The more I know her, the less the cage represents a constant reminder of my penis and what I’m giving up and more a symbol of her ownership. I’m grateful for that and for her.
The Air Lock Has Landed
I received the Air Lock from KINK3D yesterday. It works great, but I found it a little tricky getting the plastic numbered lock in place even while holding the Cobra in my hand. I’m wondering just how difficult it will be with the Cobra attached to my body.
The end of the lock must pass out through the little hole in the device lock housing on the left side. The problem is the plastic is so stiff that it resists making the bend to exit through the hole. Instead, it just bumps up against the interior housing. I had to coax it out with a toothpick, which would be much more difficult to do while wearing the device.
Lucie likes it and will allow me to wear the Cobra with the air lock when it suits her to let me change devices. Of course, no clue when it will suit her.
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