The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Finding A Chastity Keyholder ─ Part 1

This post, The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Finding A Chastity Keyholder ─ Part 1, is aimed at guys who are in one of two places right now. Either you’ve recently discovered male chastity and think it’s something you want to try. Or, you already have a chastity device and have been enjoying self-locking for a while.

Before we jump into our topic, allow me to explain the term “idiot,” which I used is the title of this post. I used it only used as hyperbole. Being unsure about how to go about acquiring a keyholder does not make you an idiot. We’ve all be there. I’m only stressing the point that I hope to provide you with a basic understanding of what can be a confusing, complicated topic. My approach will be explaining how to find a keyholder using basic terminology, definitions, and a synopsis of the steps to be taken within the context of your unique situation.

What Is a Keyholder, Anyway?

keyholder

noun

CHASTITY

a keyholder is a person who consents to possess the key to someone else’s chastity device.

A keyholder can be anyone as long as that person consents to fill the role. Most commonly, it is the caged male’s wife or intimate partner, But a keyholder can also be a friend, professional dominatrix, pro-domme, or another service for-fee provider. Sometimes, because it’s male chastity, people assume a keyholder is always a female. That isn’t the case. Anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, can fill the role. However, for the sake of brevity, I will be using she/her to refer to keyholders in this post.

Chastity For Love And The Long Haul

If you’re a guy in a relationship who has discovered chastity, you may be thinking it is about time to have a conversation with your wife or partner. You probably hope to introduce chastity to your partner and enlist her as your keyholder. I think having a wife or partner as the keyholder is the best of all possible circumstances for a chaste man. Being a keyholder is a responsibility, but keyholding can also be a lot of fun and a source of satisfaction for a keyholder. But, when you work up the nerve to talk with your partner to tell her all the wonderful things about this new world you’ve discovered, you may be shocked by her response.

First, your partner may have no idea what male chastity is or what it entails. If they are aware that chastity cages exist, and that some men wear them, their response may even be negative. Why? She may think chastity is only another kinky thing you found on the Internet you want to try—something completely unnatural, nothing she is the least bit interested in, not very sexy, kind of stupid, very stupid, and pointless. Can you blame her? After all, if you’re anything like lots of other guys and me, it probably won’t be the first time you have tried introducing her to some sex thing you found on the web. You know, something to spice up things in the bedroom a little.

Having The Chastity Conversation

As men, we tend to think in a logical, linear pattern when looking for a solution to a problem. Instinctively, our first thought is we can overcome our partner’s objections by telling her all the wonderful benefits chastity will give her. If she will only lock your penis in a chastity cage and take possession of the key, she will see an incredible transformation.

1. You won’t be able to masturbate while watching porn anymore, which means you won’t watch so much porn since there won’t be any point.

2. You will become so much more attentive, and you will care more deeply about her feelings and about what she wants.

3. You won’t be able to cheat on her. Seriously? Who would say that?

4. You will become more helpful around the house.

5. You will become a more selfless lover.

I’ve even seen variations on this same approach suggested in chastity guides and on many online chastity sites. But, there is only one problem with this strategy. It doesn’t work. Please, don’t use any of those lame suggestions.

Think about it for a moment. Let’s assume your partner knows about your porn and masturbation habits because I’m confident she does. You will only remind her of something she probably not only dislikes but may even find hurtful. Maybe she believes you don’t find her sexually attractive enough any longer, so you get off watching porn and masturbating instead of having sex with her.

As far as all those other things, she won’t see those as benefits for her either. She will probably ask you why you aren’t already doing all those things. Your partner will want to know why you have to lock your dick inside some silly contraption to do all the things a caring partner would already be doing if he cared enough about her and the relationship. See where I’m going with this?

Indeed, chastity will probably motivate you to do every single one of those things on the above list. But, it will make more of an impact if she starts seeing those positive changes than you telling her how much better a partner you will be if she only agrees first to give you something you want.

A Better Strategy

Make it about her and her needs, not about you. After explaining that you have researched male chastity, and you are convinced chastity could make you a better person and partner. Then use talking points like this to tell her how you believe chastity could help you do that.

1. Tell her that after much thought, you realize you need to learn to serve her better and to make her life easier.

2. Explain that her guidance and constructive criticism on how you perform your share of the household chores would help you learn to become more attentive to her needs and desires.

3. Let her know that wearing a chastity device would prevent you from wasting energy on masturbation, energy that you could devote to higher purposes like pleasing her.

4. Share how wearing a chastity device will help you learn to give her more pleasure in the bedroom. Instead of being self-focused on your satisfaction and desires, chastity will help you learn to focus your energy on her happiness and desires. Her pleasure will become your pleasure.

5. Be honest and explain that the thought of wearing a chastity device for her and having her take complete control of your sex life excites you. Help her understand your primary motivation is not just to wear a chastity device, but to wear a chastity device for her.

See how these points are more focused on your partner, not on just another urge or desire you want your partner to fulfill for you.

You’re not trying to trick your partner with this strategy. You’re only being honest. Using these suggestions shows that you are aware you have shortcomings you need to correct and that you sincerely want to become a better man and partner. But, you need to learn how to do that. You believe practicing male chastity will help you learn the things you need to learn to do a better job of pleasing and satisfying her and making her life better.

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Thanks for reading. I hope found the information useful, and that you will return for The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Finding A Chastity Keyholder ─ Part 2, where I will offer practical tips and suggestions to single guys for finding a keyholder.