chastiity and submission Archives

Going Into Locktober Locked and Denied, Just Like Every Other Day

By Chaste on Wednesday, September 27, 2023

I learned from Lucie this morning that I would go straight into Locktober locked and denied, without a release. Just like every other day. And I actually felt better about it than I had expected.

During our chat this morning, Lucie asked me this question.

“On a scale of 1 to 10, how desperate are you to have an orgasm before starting Locktober?”

Weirdly, although I’ve felt pretty desperate for about the past week, I found I had to think about it for a moment before answering. I discovered I was feeling a little like Natalie Imbruglia again.

“I don’t miss it all that much
There’s just so many things
That I can’t touch. I’m torn.”
— “Torn,” song by Natalie Imbruglia

After 83 days caged and 149 days orgasm-free, I realized what a contented place I was in. Finally, I told Lucie I would rate my desperation level at about 6.

She said, “But you’ve been saying for days your arousal and frustration are at peak levels?”

I told her that was still true. But when I thought about how pleasurable the state of constant arousal feels and how intensely submissive it makes me feel, I just wasn’t sure I felt all that desperate to trade it all for a few seconds of pleasure. After all, we had spent weeks and weeks getting me to this point and, for just a few fleeting moments of pleasure, I would have to start all over again.

She thought about that for a moment and then said, “Those are precious feelings.” She smiled and continued. “Indeed, it would be a shame to jerk it all away from you.”

Then she decided. I would go straight into Locktober without a release. I felt strangely at peace with her decision.

Men, including me, think of sexual pleasure in terms of their orgasms. Understandable since orgasms feel good. But the more time I spend locked in chastity, especially since meeting Lucie, experiencing those short moments of jouissance, those brief spasms of ecstasy, just don’t seem so important anymore. I’ve begun to wonder if Lucie hasn’t led me to discover an entirely new perspective on sexual pleasure? Perhaps she has permeated every aspect of my sexuality to where physical pleasure for me now looks like pleasure for Lucie.

Of course, Lucie would have decided alone about whether I got an orgasm before Locktober. I would not have had any real input in the decision. And yet I feel certain Lucie would have given my feelings some consideration or she wouldn’t have asked me the desperation question. If I had said my desperation level was a 10, that doesn’t mean she would have allowed me an orgasm. But I got the impression I had pleased her with my answer and explanation and that felt like an achievement.

Once she told me I wouldn’t get an orgasm before Locktober, I said, only half-jokingly, “Maybe you should just cum for both of us from now on, Mistress.”

Lucie smiled again and said, “I already do.”

male chastity

Does Wanting Chastity Mean You Are Submissive?

By Chaste on Wednesday, September 13, 2023

Recently, I’ve posted a lot about submission. That’s because Lucie has shown a unique ability to access and exploit the sexually submissive side of my nature. Having spent much of my life denying the existence of that part of me, it amazes me to see how easily Lucie has persuaded me to not only accept but embrace being a submissive man. That explains why I’ve written about it so much lately, the amazement. I’m writing about submission again today, but taking a different tack. Does wanting chastity mean you are submissive? Nope. Not at all.

Chastity need not involve D/s or even kink, for that matter. Some guys want for a myriad of different reasons to wear a locked chastity device to which someone else controls the key to the lock simply because they desire having someone else to control their penis and access to sexual pleasure. Putting on a chastity cage and handing over the key to someone else is something we might consider a submissive act, but it doesn’t necessarily make a guy submissive.

The reason I chose to discuss this today is that I don’t want anyone to think that chastity and wearing chastity devices is only something submissive men do. That’s for two reasons. Such an understanding might prevent guys who know they aren’t submissive from trying chastity and I’ve come to believe every guy should try it even though some will decide chastity just isn’t for them. Just as important, I don’t want women who don’t feel attracted to submissive men to get turned off by the idea of chastity because they think it will transform their manly, masculine husband or boyfriend into a milquetoast, servile male who longs to wear a French maid outfit.

Assuming all submissive men are timid, weak, insipid, and effeminate is of course subscribing to an untrue stereotype. Yes, such men exist, but I believe they are the exception, not the rule. I also think dividing the entire population of men into alphas and betas is a gross oversimplification. I believe masculinity is a continuum where we could put the so-called alpha males on one end and betas on the other and where most men would fall somewhere on the line between those extremes.

Using me as an example, I’m no beta male. I’m not shy, timid, or effeminate even when I’m feeling the most submissive to Lucie. I’ve always gravitated to dominant roles and professions in everyday life and have often held leadership positions. I’ve served in two branches of the armed forces, applied for and got selected to officer candidate school, served as a commissioned military officer, completed several of the military’s hero schools and have the patches and tabs to prove it.

Like many guys I’ve known, I’m a sexual submissive, not submissive in a general sense. I don’t feel less masculine when submitting to a strong, dominant woman like Lucie. And I am not submissive to every dominant woman. I won’t be feminized, and no one, including Lucie, could ever persuade me to become a sissy maid. Just like I said about masculinity earlier, I think submission is also a continuum. I’m neither the most submissive nor least submissive guy on the planet. I fall somewhere on a line between those extremes.

If you’re a woman whose husband or partner has admitted he wants to wear a chastity device and for you to be his keyholder and maybe feel it means he isn’t the manly man you thought he was, no worries. My advice is to have a serious discussion until you feel you understand his motivations and then decide whether it is something you are able and willing to take part in. For guys who feel sure they don’t have a submissive bone in their body, you shouldn’t dismiss the idea of trying chastity if you feel curious about it. You don’t have to become something you’re not, and you might learn something about yourself you don’t know if you try it.

Since discovering my submissive nature under Lucie’s guidance, I’ve felt no discomfort or shame about it. And after weeks and now months of being locked for Lucie, I’ve learned it amplifies my submissive feelings. In my case, I feel the submissive piece has only enhanced the chastity experience. But we’re all unique individuals who respond to chastity differently. The takeaway is, just wanting chastity does not mean you are submissive. But if you are submissive, you will probably find chastity even more meaningful and enjoyable.

enforced male chastity

Down the Enforced Chastity Submissive Rabbit Hole

By Chaste on Sunday, July 16, 2023

A survey conducted in Europe and the U.S. found that only ten percent of men preferred to be submissive to a partner. The majority preferred the dominant role, especially in the bedroom. What’s wrong with being a submissive man? Does a desire for enforced chastity mean you’re submissive?

It started with doing the thing she told me to do that I didn’t want to do. I knew doing it would not turn me on. I knew having to do it would make me angry. But even though I briefly considered arguing and even refusing to do the thing, I just did it. No, it didn’t turn me on, and yes, I was angry the entire time I was doing it. But when I finished the assignment, something struck me like a lightning bolt. For the first time in my life, I had authentically submitted to a dominant woman.

Oh, I have submitted to dominant women before, even long before I felt the attraction to chastity. But I’d only faked it to get what I wanted. It had only been role play. But this was different. I had truly submitted to Lucie and allowed her to bend my will to her will. And what surprised me the most was just how damn good it felt.

I have never believed that desiring enforced chastity means a guy is submissive. I don’t think anyone could make the argument that allowing someone to lock up your cock and keep the keys isn’t a textbook definition of a submissive act. But performing a one- off submissive act doesn’t make a person submissive. And I still don’t believe you must be a submissive man to desire having a keyholder lock your penis in a chastity cage and then make all decisions about when or if they unlock you.

We all have our reasons for wanting to experience enforced chastity. I believe there are guys without a submissive bone in their bodies who can still enjoy being “forced” to wear a chastity cage. But what Lucie taught me that day was an authentic dominant woman who knows how to push all the right buttons could access a submissive part of my nature that I had never believed existed.

Lucie didn’t coerce me or manipulate me into submitting. She had conditioned me over the weeks leading up to that moment of true submission to desire to please her more than I wanted to avoid doing a thing I knew offered no benefit to me and that even annoyed me. That is how dominance and submission works. With each predatory smile, she had drawn me in, deeper down the submissive rabbit hole. With each “good boy” she had spoken when I had completed a task she had assigned to her liking, I wanted to please her even more. Each time she raised me to new heights of horniness, I grew ever more addicted to the high of constant, intense arousal.

I will never feel submissive to every woman, not even every dominant woman. But I am submissive to Lucie, and I find it magically pleasurable and meaningful. She isn’t playing a role. Lucie is a Mistress, my Mistress, and she is in control. I want her to control. I want to see where it leads.

As I was finishing this post, Lucie texted to tell me she’s home from vacation. Then she texted something else.

“I know your Chastity 90 thing ends in two weeks. But there is something you should know. Just because you chose to remain celibate for 90 days doesn’t mean I plan to let you cum when it ends. I haven’t even thought about when I’ll let you cum. If… I let you.”

Oh my! That is just so freaking hot. And I’m so glad Lucie is back.

chastity device wear

Is Permanent Chastity the Ultimate Goal?

By Chaste on Monday, June 12, 2023

Is it the purpose of wearing a chastity device for everyone to achieve permanent chastity by wearing it 24/7, twelve months a year? Let’s talk about it..

Some people think the legitimate practice of chastity involves progressively longer periods of being locked, leading to permanent chastity (except for brief unlocked periods for cleaning).

I’ve held this perspective on chastity from the start, particularly after finishing my initial 30-day locked period. The longer I wore the device, the more I desired to stay locked. My recent partnership with Lucie, my remote keyholder, has brought about a change for me.

Not only does Lucie decide when I wear a device, but also when I don’t. She thinks it’s important for good health and other reasons to take regular breaks from wearing a chastity device. For example, Lucie is of the opinion that my obedience to her when I’m unlocked is a better way to gauge my submission to her than when I’m wearing a device. Also, during my unlocked periods, Lucie can subject me to some teasing she can’t when I’m locked. I’ve learned that she particularly enjoys making me edge in the usual way, which I find extremely arousing but also devastatingly frustrating. The suffering is, of course, the point. She is a sadist, after all.

Previously, I preferred wearing a chastity device as much as possible, but now I’ve had to change my perspective. I have to admit that Lucie has taught me a thing or two about chastity that I never experienced before. One thing I’ve learned is to value the submissive aspect of chastity more than ever.

Although I prefer permanent chastity, I don’t think it must be the aim for all users of chastity devices. This is not only unrealistic but also undesirable. Everyone has their own reason for embracing chastity. Wearing a chastity device for extended periods can have benefits, but permanent chastity is not superior to short-term chastity. Wearing a device for a few days or hours is a valid form of chastity and the experience of denial.

If you want to practice permanent chastity, that’s great. Go for it. But if you only want to do chastity occasionally, and only for short periods of time, you’re not doing it wrong. Chastity is not a competition, and the only opinions that matter are yours and those of your keyholder if you have one. Chastity is only about what works for you in satisfying what you want to get from it.

Even though I’m again taking a Lucie mandated break from my cage, I’m still practicing chastity and remain denied. That’s because Lucie graciously agreed to allow me to keep my commitment to the Chastity 90 challenge. For another forty-eight days, at least, I won’t experience orgasm or ejaculation. But afterward, that too will be up to Lucie.

I’m finding this unlocked period less unsettling than the last. It hasn’t surprised me that being unlocked hasn’t created the temptation to cheat. I respect Lucie too much to cheat, and I don’t want to disappoint her. Also, by giving in to temptation and allowing myself sexual release, I would cheat myself as much as Lucie. While she hasn’t told me how long that I’ll stay unlocked this time, I expect it will be for fewer days than the last time since I was locked fewer days. But of course, that’s up to Lucie and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The post image is more of my AI art experimentation, which I’m finding hugely entertaining. Hope you like it.

chastity

Chastity And Submission

By Chaste on Wednesday, July 15, 2020

Chastity and submission. Do the two go hand in hand? If you’re a guy who wants to wear a chastity device, does that mean you’re submissive? Let’s talk about that.

So, maybe you’ve been thinking about trying chastity, or maybe the woman in your life wants to lock you up. Perhaps it is her idea. But the submissive part of it doesn’t really turn you on all that much. Also, small penis humiliation, sissification, and cuckolding don’t appeal to you at all. Maybe you think chastity only works for submissive guys.

Not So Fast My Friend

A quick chastity web search shows that there is a heck of a lot of people who assume that chastity and male submission go together like peanut butter and jelly. Actually, that kind of thinking is an example of what they call in logic a cum hoc fallacy—jumping to a conclusion about causation based on a correlation between two things, or types of things, which sometimes occur simultaneously.

Some people can’t seem to separate male chastity and male submission in their minds, so they insist no one else can either. Sure, there are plenty of submissive men for whom chastity is yet another path to deeper submission. But the truth is, chastity and male submission don’t necessarily go together like hamburgers and fries.

One Of The Top Male Fantasies

On almost every top male sexual fantasies list, one of the top five most popular sexual fantasies among all kinds of men is being sexually controlled by a powerful, dominant woman.

Guys fantasize about feeling sexually dominated when they’re tired of doing the dominating themselves, or when they have mixed feelings about what they’re doing in that domination where they’re on top.

Add to this that men sometimes get tired of always having to be in control in the bedroom. Traditional gender roles impressed on all of us by societal norms suggest that men are “supposed” to be the initiators of sex while women are the gatekeepers. Chastity presents a significant reversal of those roles. It’s relatively easy to see why many guys, all sorts of guys, find the idea relinquishing control tantalizing. It isn’t only submissive men who have these fantasies.

This is why I think we must avoid making hard-and-fast distinctions between dominance and submission. Guys seem capable of shifting from one role to the other. And even though many may prefer a single sexual stance, still each role seems to offer its own gratifications.

Wearing A Chastity Device Is An Inherently Submissive Act

It can’t be argued that wearing a chastity device isn’t an inherently submissive act. All we have to do to understand that is to look at the definition of sexual submission. Sexual submission is when one individual (the submissive) turns overall sexual control to another (the dominant). The chaste guy (submissive) gives his partner (the dominant) complete control over his access to sexual pleasure, not to mention his penis. There is no logical way to claim that isn’t submission. But submission, when it comes to chastity, can be motivated by two entirely different things.

Role Versus Nature

Submissive men are submissive by nature. They crave to submit because that is what feels right. It’s a need they keenly feel. For them, chastity does deepen that natural disposition. However, many guys want to wear a chastity device because of their own desires, not because a powerful, dominant partner dictates it.

For these men, submission is not their character or personality. They only assume a submissive role while in chastity. After a significant period locked in chastity, they may behave much like their submissive male counterparts. But once they take the device off, they revert to their usual disposition.

Submissive Men Are Misunderstood

Lots of men, otherwise attracted to the chastity lifestyle, are reluctant to be viewed as being submissive. That’s because popular culture assumes submission to be negative, associating it with meekness, weakness, and passivity. Sometimes submissive men are openly mocked by other men (and some women) who don’t regard them as “real men.”

Submissive guys sometimes get treated as intrinsically weak and effeminate. That’s because those who aren’t submissive feel they’re subverting heteronormative gender dynamics in the worst possible way. It’s not only that they’re failing to perform the role of an assertive, masculine male, but they’re also not even trying to perform it. So, it’s easy to see why men who aren’t submissive might be averse to being perceived as submissive.

The truth is, however, submissive guys are not weak, necessarily meek, and not all of them are effeminate. They aren’t violating any “bro code.” They are simply guys who prefer submission to dominance by nature. Here popular culture gets it all wrong.

Signs You May Be A Submissive

For those still worried the desire to wear a chastity device may mean you’re a submissive, and you don’t want it to be true, I have a little test that might help you.

You feel both excited and at peace when the opportunity to submit to your partner arises because it feels natural to you.

Taking control during sex and initiating things feels odd.

You are always in control in your day to day life, whether at work or home, but when it comes to sex, you just want to enjoy yourself and not have to make decisions. You basically want to be a passive sexual partner. Not boring but passive.

You get turned on when dominated or commanded during sexual play.

The idea of pleasing someone turns you on more than the idea of getting pleased.

The idea of disappointing someone greatly upsets you.

If you agree with all those statements, if that’s how you feel, despite your preference, you may be a submissive. If so, embrace it. There is nothing wrong with it.

The Bottom Line

The majority of us are either submissive or dominant by nature. It’s simply ingrained into our personalities and behaviors. Our bodies, our brains, and our sexuality respond to it.

Some people can take on either role just as naturally. We classify these individuals as switches, meaning they are capable of switching roles with ease. Regardless, wearing a chastity device is not going to change your nature. While you may submit to your partner while wearing a device, that isn’t going to transform you into a submissive if you’re not submissive.

I hope reading this post was beneficial to you. Understanding yourself and coming to terms with your sexual style and nature can make you feel more at ease. Sexuality is an essential aspect of a person’s overall well-being, yet many times it’s overlooked when people self reflect. But it’s an important piece of the puzzle we call “self,” and until we understand and come to grips with this piece, we will never feel as complete or content.

Tag Archives: chastiity and submission