Cut to the Chaste

Chastity and How the Character of The Need Changes With Time

By Chaste on Saturday, December 9, 2023

Most keyholders, particularly a truly dominant woman, much prefer locking up a man’s cock to be a source of anguish and torture, not something that turns him on, which seems logical. With the first week of Denial December in the books, my new keyholder and I have been getting better acquainted. While we chatted yesterday, the conversation turned to how I was holding up after over 200 days without an orgasm. “How desperate do you feel to cum?” she asked. My response surprised her. I told her the character of the need for an orgasm changes after so much time, and admitted I wasn’t suffering, or feeling desperate at all to have an orgasm. In fact, I wasn’t finding Denial December, much like NOvember was, not very challenging. My candor may have sunk my plan to complete my third month-long locked and orgasm free challenge in a row. Amanda feels my lack of anguish and desperation makes finishing Denial December in that state rather pointless.

One of the most important decisions a keyholder must make is how long she makes her locked male wait between orgasms. It’s important because the time between orgasms is such a significant part of male chastity fantasies. At least initially, fueled mostly by chastity fiction and porn, many men develop a desperate desire to have a keyholder in charge of their cock and a heartfelt wish to have their orgasms controlled and denied. The longer, the better.

As a result, the internet abounds with forums and blogs dedicated to chastity and the orgasm denial theme. Given the folklore surrounding the male need to near constantly play with himself, masturbate and ejaculate, many women have difficulty understanding why men would so strongly desire something that prevents their orgasms or even touching their cock without permission from a wife, partner, or other keyholder. Yet these men want a keyholder to tease and deny them to the nth degree. They ask for it, even beg for it, and if their pleas get ignored, fantasize about it.

The March Toward Permanent Chastity

It’s really not a great mystery why so many guys desire chastity, especially after they get a taste of it. Orgasm denial produces increased sexual desire, and sexual desire is pleasurable. Once you’re locked in a chastity device, sexual desire (horniness) builds and builds. And it feels really good.

Once I adjusted to wearing a chastity device for weeks or a month at a time, I discovered something. My desire reached peaks I had ever experienced, and it felt intensely pleasurable. Again, no mystery there. Sexual desire feels good. It’s a different type of pleasure than that felt when having an orgasm and ejaculating, but in some respects, I think growing intense desire sustained for weeks at a time is more pleasurable than those few seconds of pleasure we get from orgasms.

I think it’s basic human nature to think if a little of something is good, a lot of it will be fantastic. So, a common theory among men who practice chastity is the longer they stay locked and denied, the hornier they will get and the better it will feel. Once a guy’s body and mind can tolerate a chastity device for weeks at a time, most begin thinking about how amazing permanent chastity would be. What’s not to like? Horny feels good and getting hornier and hornier and hornier will feel amazing. But does it really work that way? In my experience, no. No, it doesn’t. That’s because you reach an inevitable point of diminishing returns.

Men Are All Different

Men are all different. Yes, we share similar genitalia and the same evolutionary sexual programming. But we all differ on things like how frequently we feel the urge to orgasm and ejaculate. That means I can’t honestly claim all men respond to chastity and orgasm denial the way I do. But I strongly suspect a majority of us do.

This has been my experience. Before I began wearing chastity devices, after an orgasm, my refractory period was pretty short, especially in my twenties and thirties. After about a day, I was ready to orgasm again. And within three days, I desperately wanted to orgasm again.

I’ve been fortunate to have had three past partners who wanted sex almost every day, and I never had a problem keeping up with them. Even so, I still masturbated often on the side to keep up with my libido. And when I was single and not getting regular partner sex, I masturbated at least once a day and more often when I had too much spare time on my hands or felt bored. I’ve never felt I was oversexed. I think I’ve had a fairly normal male libido.

Four years ago, I discovered chastity and have worn a chastity device regularly ever since. That changed me a lot, not the least of which it changed my masturbation habits. These days, after an orgasm and I’m locked again in a device, the first two or three days aren’t that hard, but by the fourth, I really feel a strong need for sexual release. That usually lasts until about the seventh or eighth day. Then the urgency to orgasm and ejaculate lessens as my level of desire climbs. The sheer pleasure of the growing, sustained desire captures my focus. This continues for weeks.

Occasionally, I’ll feel insanely horny and feel a powerful urge for sexual release, but it always subsides quickly. Then I return to the blissful pleasure of extreme horniness unrequited. The longest period I’ve sustained these feelings was about eight weeks when Lucie was my keyholder. Then my arousal ebbed, and I had bouts of high sexual frustration.

As I stayed locked and denied for another couple of weeks, the frustration went away as I settled at a reduced but constant level of arousal. I call that state a plateau. My sexual desire didn’t drop further, but it didn’t climb either except when Lucie teased me. But even then, the heightened arousal was transitory. After an hour or two, I dropped right back to that plateau baseline.

Now, at well over 200 days since my last orgasm, I’m firmly entrenched at the plateau stage. Sure, if Amanda offered me the chance to have an orgasm, I would take it. But I just don’t feel desperate to have one. I don’t think about having one all the time. Hardley ever, in fact. And that’s what I told Amanda as I explained the character of the need to orgasm changes with time. And I’m at the point where I’m not feeling any desperation at all. That’s why Denial December feels easy. I explained to Amanda I will stay at the plateau until I have an orgasm and then everything will reset and I will start the cycle all over again. Learning I wasn’t suffering or feeling any desperation or frustration did not impress Amanda.

Why I Probably Won't Successfully Complete DD

I suspect it doesn’t work the same for wives and partners who key hold for their men. After all, a woman who locks her husband because he asked her to, maybe even begged her to, loves him and cares about him. She may not desire to watch him suffer from the desperate need for sexual release. But it doesn’t work that way with pro-domme keyholders. They want you to suffer, to feel sexually frustrated and desperate.

A dominant woman wants the cage and the denial to be a source of anguish and torture, not something that only turns a guy on. They see the frustration, need, and desperation as your act of service and sacrifice for them. Amanda said, if it takes a reset to put me into the proper state of mind, so be it. She doesn’t want chastity to be something I simply find comfortable and pleasurable. She didn’t say when it will happen, but told me I won’t go the entire month of December without an orgasm.

Yes, that will disappoint me because I’ve looked forward to completing all three of the major chastity challenges consecutively without breaks or orgasms. But Amanda is within her rights. As my keyholder, she controls my orgasms. She doesn’t just deny them. If she wants me to orgasm, then she gets it. Amanda is in charge. My penis is her property to use as she wishes. It isn’t up to me. Of course, Amanda will keep me locked the rest of the month, but it seems unlikely I’ll successfully complete this Denial December orgasm-free.

In The Pink

Since she insists on a hygiene unlock every week, Amanda allowed me to switch to my new Fusion Pink Cobra N+ afterward.

Actually, now that I’ve had the chance to try it on, I’m happy I ordered the N+ instead of the small. It’s a perfect fit. My Cobra N is about 3/4 inch shorter than my average flaccid penis length. The N+ feels just right. My tip rests firmly against the nose of the cage but without the compression effect of the N and feels very comfortable.

As I’ve mentioned, the surface of this device doesn’t feel as smooth as my black Cobra N. I think that gives the base ring slightly more grip, but it doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all. I’m very pleased with it. I’ll be wearing the Fusion Pink N+ the rest of the month and will post a full review soon.

male chastity

The Kink3D Fusion Pink Cobra Has Landed and DD Update

By Chaste on Monday, December 4, 2023

The Kink3D Fusion Pink Cobra N+ that I ordered during the Kink3D Black Friday sale arrived yesterday. My first impressions of the new device and a DD update in today’s post.

While I never expected to justify the spend for one of the Kink3D Fusion Pink models, the 20% off Black Friday sale persuaded me to pull the trigger. I still think the price is a little higher than it should be, but it’s a nice device and the color is insane. It showed up two days earlier than promised, but a day too late for my first lock with Amanda.

Kink3D Fusion Pink Cobra First Impressions

Fusion Pink is very pink indeed, pretty much a hot pink. And I sort of like it. I moved up one size from my black Cobra N to the N+ model and wish a little I’d ordered the small size instead. But the N+ is slightly longer and roomier. The best thing is now that I have both a black and fusion pink model, I can save $40 if I ever decide to get another model by ordering just the cage and using my existing Kink3D base rings. I also ordered another Airlock accessory in the fusion pink so I can use the new device with plastic, numbered locks.

The finish on this device, both the cage and base ring, doesn’t feel quite as smooth to the touch as those of my black Cobra. You can probably even see in the above photo what I’m talking about. The device images are of my actual device. I assume the new color is responsible for that, although I have no inside knowledge about the manufacturing process and am only speculating.

The finish isn’t rough by any stretch, but is definitely less smooth. In fact, I expect the base ring to feel a little grippier than the one belonging to my black N model. That could be good or bad, but it will be a week before I find out.

One change Amanda has made to my usual routine is she requires a weekly hygiene unlock for cleaning. And she has already given me permission to try out the new device after my hygiene unlock next Saturday. If it feels okay, which I expect it will, I’ll finish the month wearing it and post a review once I have a good feel for it.

Denial December Update

I’m three days in to DD with Amanda and things couldn’t be better. She has been all the things as a keyholder I’ve missed about Lucie. She isn’t the same as Lucie, of course, as she lacks the sadist bit. But that’s okay. While Lucie’s sadistic bent kept me on my toes, I’m growing fond of Amanda’s style of dominance, which is a little more on the nurturing side than cruel.

Lucie had her days when she was wonderfully caring and kind, but also days she was in the mood to be heartless and cruel. In contrast, Amanda is kind and caring all the time and has more of a correction philosophy than a punishment mindset when you don’t quite perform to her expectations. But like Lucie, she is a bit of a perfectionist, something I’ve noticed in many dominant women. Perhaps it is the nature of the beast, so to speak. At any rate, I couldn’t be happier thus far.

The best part is during November my desire really plateaued at a low level, but in only three days Amanda already has me back in the groove at the heightened levels Lucie always sustained. DD promises to be far more of a challenge than NNN was for me and I’m loving it.

We’re working out the details, but Amanda and I have already agreed we both want to finish December together and then we’ll see what comes next. I’m already feeling the trust and chemistry developing and I’m very hopeful Amanda offers the permanence I’ve been looking for.

Hope everyone taking part in DD is having a good month so far. Just 28 days to go.

chastity challenges denial december

Denial December Begins Without Even Thinking About It

By Chaste on Friday, December 1, 2023

Denial December begins without even thinking about it. I went to bed last evening on the last day of NOvember, and I awoke this morning already locked on this first day of Denial December.

I went to bed locked last night on the last day of NOvember. My phone beeped at 7:21 a.m. and I woke up to the first day of Denial December and a brand new keyholder and Domme. Amanda seemed as eager to begin our 7-day consideration lock as I’ve been. We took care of a few Chaster app related housekeeping things, chatted a bit, and then by 8:30 a.m., I was doing my first teasing assignment for her.

My First Chaster App Experience

This is my first Chaster app experience, so there was a learning curve involved. But Amanda guided me through it, and nothing seemed overly complicated about it. She is giving me a customized lock, which means we also interact outside the app through a messaging app. On Chaster, I will post my daily proof of lock photos and spin a “wheel of fortune” daily that randomly chooses the teasing play category from five possibilities.

I submitted my first proof of lock photo, spun the wheel for the first time, and then Amanda gave me the specific task she wanted me to perform via the messaging app we’re using. That part was a little different from what I was doing with Lucie.

Lucie would send me a task and I could choose when to do it as long as I completed it by the end of the day she assigned it. Then I provided her a photo or video as proof of performance. This morning, Amanda gave me my first assignment, and I had to do it immediately while we stayed connected. Then I sent her the photos that she asked for so she could see that I had followed her instructions to the letter. That was cool, and I found I sort of enjoyed doing it that way.

So far, so good. Things with Amanda feel so much more like they did with Lucie. I already feel very comfortable with her and she continues to impress. We seem to get on well and I’m already feeling the chemistry developing that was missing with Michele and I. Already, I can’t wait for tomorrow and the next task.

Expectations

It’s only the first day, but I’m feeling confident that Amanda will remain my keyholder for the rest of Denial December, and probably beyond. While we chatted after I finished the day’s task, she was already talking about the future far beyond the end of our current 7-day consideration trial. I think I’ve already satisfied her that I’m serious about chastity and serious about giving her control. I’m looking for a permanent keyholder and she is looking for a permanent chastity sub, so I think we’re golden.

If, like me, you’re doing Denial December back-to-back with NOvember, I feel you bro. But despite the illustration I chose for this post, I’m actually feeling all good with it. After just checking my current status page, as of today I’ve been locked for 148 straight days and orgasm-free for 214. That’s not what I had in mind back in January for 2023, but I’ve been happy with it. I’m already looking forward to improving on my personal records in 2024.

Congratulations to everyone who successfully completed NOvember, and to those who are observing Denial December, may the force be with you.

Humilation Play

What’s Wrong With Forced Feminization?

By Chaste on Wednesday, November 29, 2023

Some chastity enthusiasts enjoy combining other kinks with practicing chastity. One of them is forced feminization. But many people, including many dominant kinky women, say forced feminization isn’t okay. What’s wrong with forced feminization in the opinion of those who disapprove of it?

Similarly to cuckolding, I don’t consider forced feminization as part of enforced chastity. I see it as a totally separate kink interest. But some people think wearing a cock cage and forced feminization goes together like chocolate and peanut butter. Sometimes it’s the keyholder who wants to incorporate it into the chastity dynamic and sometimes the guy in chastity wants it. In this post, motivated by a post I read on femdom blog where a woman expressed disapproval of forced feminization, I want to discuss what’s wrong with forced feminization in the opinion of many people, especially women.

The Basics of Forced Feminization

Forced feminization (also called sissification) is one of the most common kinks in the world. Forced feminization is a part of the BDSM and D/s male submissive culture. There are a lot of men who engage in it or fantasize about it. Professional dommes I know say forced feminization or sissification is one of their most commonly requested kink sessions. An interest in cross dressing is usually a large part of this kink, but some take it further than just wearing ultra-feminine clothing or high heels. For instance, shaving off all body hair, wearing makeup, and nail polish are also often part of forced feminization or sissification training. Of course, many also wear a chastity device while engaging in this kink.

It’s important to understand that feminization is a sexual fetish involving gender role reversal and embracing feminine roles and expression, but it’s not the same thing as transgender. Submissive men engaging in it are typically heterosexual men who aren’t interested in changing their gender permanently.

A femdom keyholder may order or “force” the submissive male to complete tasks typically seen as feminine, to dress in lingerie or other hyper feminine clothing, shave his body hair, or wear women’s cosmetics. He may perceive the tasks as emasculating or humiliating. For example, being asked to do housecleaning while wearing a French maid costume with a frilly petticoat and high heels.

Is Forced Feminization Really Forced?

There are a lot of reasons sissification training or forced feminization appeals to people, both to femdom keyholders and chastity device wearing men. But is it actually forced? Not really.

Despite the word forced, typically, no one gets coerced or compelled involuntarily to engage in this practice. That would violate the long standing ethical principle of consensual conduct in all things kink. It’s always important to keep in mind when enacting a fantasy, it is only a fantasy. Participation must always be voluntary and limits established and agreed to before beginning kinky play. So why even use the word forced?

Patriarchial society hasn’t just harmed women with its gendered framework. Men, too, suffer the effects. The traditional gender framework marginalizes them as much as it does women, making it difficult for men to be authentic persons. Guys who are naturally submissive feel pressured by societal expectations to put on that alpha mask. If they reveal they are submissive, society will consider them weak and complete losers. Is it any wonder why so many men are into humiliation play? Imagine knowing you are submissive and also knowing society considers that vile. You would naturally feel you deserve humiliation from others.

But a man who has an accepting, understanding, caring, and willing partner feels safe to expose his vulnerabilities, and he also feels the freedom to go with what feels right. That includes taking on fetish roles that aren’t remotely part of his day-to-day life, like sissification or forced femme. Yet for many, the idea of wearing panties, lingerie, or nail polish still feels uncomfortable because escaping those ingrained societal gender expectations isn’t easy.

While a guy may love wearing women’s clothes because he finds them soft and comfortable or feels sexy wearing them, he may still feel embarrassed about liking something society has conditioned him to believe he shouldn’t like. He still needs an out, and that is where the forced in forced feminization comes in. The forced part eases any feelings of guilt from being turned on by taking on a feminine role. He can pretend he wears panties only because his keyholder makes him, not because wearing panties turns him on sexually. And if he still feels a little embarrassed about breaking taboo, that’s okay, because he finds that arousing, too.

What People Dislike About Forced Feminization and Why

Most people say if a man wants to wear women’s clothes because they feel it’s sexy or find women’s panties and lingerie soft and comfortable, great. He should wear women’s clothing all he wants. If he loves makeup, go for it. If he can rock wearing high heels, rock out. To me, that all falls more under the heading of cross dressing than forced feminization. But many women, especially those identifying as feminists say if he is wearing women’s clothes because it humiliates him and that arouses him, that’s a problem. These women feel it is just a way of saying being a woman is so terrible someone must force him to wear women’s clothes and to behave like a woman. And that is sexist.

It’s sexist because it implies he believes women are beneath him, and that’s why someone must force him to wear female clothes and act feminine since, of course, he would never do so otherwise. Getting a thrill from being forced is not the point. It’s the underlying assumption that no man should want to dress or behave in a feminine way.

Look, I get it. I can understand the argument. Society has hard done by women for centuries until relatively recent times. Still does in many places on the globe. I understand why women feel they must remain vigilant and call out sexism wherever they see it to ensure they hold on to the gains already made and continue making progress in securing full equality. But other women say not so fast. There is nothing wrong with a dominant woman feminizing her submissive, chastised man. Here’s how Emma at the Evolving Your Man blog puts it.

Explaining she and her submissive husband play with cross dressing and feminization, mostly at her behest, Emma says she enjoys seeing him in panties and enjoys seeing him in a position that strips him of what she calls his “masculine comfortability.” While she notes, femininity isn’t inherently weak but is actually stronger in many ways than masculinity, a man stripped of what he finds comfortable, puts him at a sexual disadvantage and that produces feelings of weakness.

Emma also reveals she puts her husband in a cock cage, with panties and a bra, to humiliate him and make him feel lesser than. That, she says, makes her feel strong, empowered, and makes her feel in divine control. Emma believes flipping gender roles is about accepting that we all have male and female sides of our natures and exploring the less dominant side is instructive. And in her relationship, it is about allowing her husband to feel comfortable while being sexually vulnerable.

I think Emma makes the stronger argument and I reject the notion that there is anything necessarily sexist about forced feminization or sissification role playing. Sometimes forced femme is only about a power exchange dynamic. And that actually tracks with my experience with forced feminization role-playing. My question to a feminist who believes it is sexist, is this. “What about women who indulge in rape fantasies and get aroused by them? Is that also wrong?” Here’s why that’s a valid question.

According to polls, which have remained remarkably consistent over the years, about 62 percent of women report having rape fantasies in varying degrees of frequency and type. A rape fantasy or a ravishment is a sexual fantasy involving imagining or pretending someone is coercing or forcing you into sexual activity. Some women, although of course they don’t want to get raped, enjoy enacting these fantasies with a trusted partner who pretends to coerce or force them into sexual activity. What has that got to do with forced feminization? A lot, if you study the psychology of these two fantasies, as I have. The motivations to engage in them are almost identical.

Men enjoy forced feminization or sissification training role play because the forced part relieves them of responsibility for wanting something forbidden by societal gender expectations. And they may feel embarrassed or humiliated for wanting it, which may also make them horny. For women who engage in rape fantasies, it’s also an opportunity to indulge in an activity they find very arousing, but that society considers taboo. Society says rape is wrong and so is getting horny fantasizing about it. Since by definition, a woman fantasizing about rape imagines getting coerced or forced into the sex, that relieves her of any responsibility for wanting an experience she shouldn’t want or find arousing. And there are also humiliating aspects associated with rape fantasies many also find arousing.

Fantasy, even when enacted with a trusted partner, is still fantasy. Sexuality experts and mental health professionals say having sexual fantasies is healthy. And when enacted between consenting adults, it really is no one else’s business. Besides, with any sexual acts, people almost always look for reasons to condemn things that don’t interest or arouse them. So, if forced femme or sissification training is something you and your partner enjoy, you needn’t feel you are committing some heinous act of sexism.

My Take on Forced Feminization

To be honest, forced feminization or sissification isn’t a kink I feel a powerful attraction to. It’s not an activity I would ever ask for. With a new domme, I always list it as a soft limit, meaning I might do feminization activities, but I want her to discuss it with me beforehand so I know what I’m agreeing to. And I reserve the right to refuse if it seems too extreme. I will do it for the benefit of a domme who wants me to submit to it, and I have done. In fact, I experienced quite a lot of it with Lucie because she enjoyed making me wear women’s things, like panties and lingerie at home or beneath my usual clothing in public. Mostly because she knew I found it embarrassing. Especially having to take photos while wearing it and having to show them to her. But Lucie always respected my limits and never asked me to do anything extreme, like going grocery shopping while wearing a dress and heels. And that’s something I’d never do, anyway.

Has a friend or partner ever asked you to go somewhere or do something and you knew you would just hate every minute of it? But since they seemed so keen about it, you agreed to it just to be nice? Then it surprised you when you realized you didn’t hate it, but actually kind of liked it. Well, that pretty much sums up my feelings about feminization. I always believe I’ll hate it, but then I’m forced to admit that while it’s embarrassing to mildly humiliating, I sort of like it because it makes me horny. But it is uncomfortable because it feels emasculating, so I understand exactly what Emma says about it. And all that is the attraction for me. Cross dressing is also not a kink of mine so I don’t wear women’s clothes on my own. It’s the embarrassment that makes me horny I enjoy, not the wearing of female clothing. I don’t really think of it as forced though because I know I could always refuse and so I’m doing it willingly. And I’m not making any statement about the value of women when I put on women’s clothing at a domme’s behest.

I already know Amanda, like Lucie, is a fan of feminization too, and I’m feeling a little anxious about it. We’ve had the limits discussion, so she knows how I feel about it and how far I’m willing to go with it. Hopefully, she approaches it the way Lucie did and then we’ll be golden.

denial december

5 Ways to Have Fun With Denial December

By Chaste on Tuesday, November 28, 2023

Denial December 2023 is coming, though many of us male chastity enthusiasts won’t be during this year’s Yuletide season. It’s another full month arbitrarily devoted to celebrating male chastity play, another whole 31 days to abstain from orgasms and ejaculations. With only four days left of Not Nut November, I thought I’d offer some quick tips about ways to have fun with Denial December.

With the end of No Nut November, comes Denial December, though many of us male chastity enthusiasts won’t be coming during this year’s Yuletide season. It’s another full month devoted to celebrating male chastity play, another whole 31 days to abstain from orgasms and ejaculations. With 1 December only days away, I thought I’d offer some quick tips about ways to have fun with Denial December.

What is Denial December?

Information on the internet about Denial December, particularly the history of the challenge, is scant. That’s doesn’t really surprise me as Google continues its dogged quest to make its once formidable search engine completely useless and irrelevant. My many searches yielded only links about climate change deniers, gender fluidity deniers, systemic racism deniers, and U. S. 2020 election deniers. You know, the usual globalist clap trap. Not that I expected anything better from Google, one of the WEF’s staunchest standard bearers. Also, it seems the new Google algorithm is now adding most things kink related to its growing censorship list of taboo subjects. I suppose Klaus Schwab frowns on that sort of thing. But I digress.

What little I could uncover about Denial December I found by directly searching Reddit and Urban Dictionary, both of which continue to be reliable purveyors of kink information, at least until the globalist elite fascists find a way to shut them down too. Denial December first began trending on Reddit only two short years ago, so the origin of this challenge was probably a riff on the older No Nut November, which began in the r/NoFap community on Reddit. Whomever started it probably was looking to push the joys of chastity play and orgasm denial straight on through the end of the year. Now a few tips on how to have fun with Denial December for my fellow chastity lovers out there.

The Traditionalist Method

Grab your chastity cage, put it on, and lock it, hopefully after you have asked some special someone to act as your key holder. Don’t have a partner at the moment? No problem. As I only recently discovered, there are many keyholders available on the Chaster app willing and able to help you out, some for free and some for a nominal fee. Regardless of which you choose, I think this app is one of the best places I’ve found to get semi-professional and professional keyholding services.

Going Solo

Not everyone wants a keyholder partner. Some find self-locking plenty satisfying and don’t see the point. But if you have doubts about your willpower, I again recommend the Chaster app. You can still use the app the old-fashioned way. All you need is a lockable box (with a minimum 4-digit) resettable combination lock. The little door hanger metal boxes realtors use work perfectly.

You place your keys inside the box after locking your cage, turn the lock away from you and set it without looking, and then snap a photo showing the combination, again without looking. Then you upload the photo to the Chaster app. The app will examine the photo and notify you whether the combination is readable. If so, you lock the box and spin the dials. At the end of the chastity period, the end of December in this case, the app will allow you to retrieve the photo showing the combination. A paid version of the app exists that offers a lot more features, but the free version suffices for most people who only need a little boost to their willpower.

Follow the Denial December Rules

While I found little about the historical underpinnings of Denial December, both Reddit and Urban Dictionary offered the official rules for the challenge.

Unlike Locktober, but like No Nut November, it seems wearing a chastity device is optional, though chastity lovers will probably agree you should wear one. Still, honor chastity is an acceptable alternative. But rules exist participants must follow.

Each day during the month of December, you must edge to the brink of orgasm the number of times corresponding to the day of the month. (e.g., 1 edge on December 1, 2 edges on December 2, 3 edges on December 3, etc.). If you come during the month, even once, even on accident, you fail the challenge.

For those who choose to do the challenge while locked in a chastity device, you can do the edges by holding a vibrator against the cage. Or you can unlock, do the edges the old-fashioned way, and then lock back up after your erection subsides.

I love the mandatory edging requirement since this challenge comes with built in teasing for solo players. And, for those who have a keyholder, of course, they can provide any additional teasing they wish and mandate how you perform the edges.

Stay in Your Lane

Taking part in a month-long chastity challenge is a marathon, not a sprint. So, if Denial December is your first attempt at staying locked for a month, don’t feel locked in to attempting what everyone else is doing. If you experience chafing or other discomfort, don’t try to tough it out just for the sake of completing a challenge. Remember that all you must do to complete the challenge successfully is to do the edges and not have an orgasm during the entire month. And of course, it is perfectly acceptable to remove the cage at least once a week for a thorough cleaning.

Make Denial December About Your Keyholder

Here’s a pro tip for those doing Denial December with a keyholder. One of the biggest criticisms of male chastity from women, especially the community of lifestyle dommes, is that male chastity and wearing chastity devices is a male-centric kink that just puts even more focus on the penis. Try not to add more fuel to that fire.

Don’t tell your keyholder how to do her job and please don’t suggest she isn’t doing things right. It is really up to the keyholder how she enforces chastity and how or when she provides any teasing. Don’t whine or complain you aren’t getting enough attention. Don’t talk to your keyholder incessantly about chastity or how you’re feeling. Trust me. She doesn’t want to hear it unless she brings it up. And try to think of creative ways to put the focus on her during the month and show her your appreciation for her efforts in helping to give you an experience you desire. She is doing you a favor, and you shouldn’t forget to show her you know that and appreciate it.

If you have a partner as your keyholder, think of things you can do that will make her life a little easier or more pleasant. Those of us who use a remote keyholder might give her a special gift one or more times during the month. That’s what I plan to do. Sure, we should enjoy our time spent in chastity, but we must never forget the needs and desires of our keyholder are just as important. Making Denial December about your keyholder will make the challenge much more enjoyable for you both.

For me, Denial December is the third leg of a trifecta as I attempt to complete Locktober, No Nut November, and Denial December without a break. For another month, I’ll have to keep my hands off the Yule log. Not that I have a log, to quote Clark Griswold. But I’m feeling confident because I’m super excited to see how things go with Amanda. Whether you’ve done the two previous challenges or if Denial December will be your first, good luck and please have fun with it. That’s actually the point.

Male Submission

Debunking 5 Crazy Chastity Myths

By Chaste on Sunday, November 26, 2023

In today’s post, we’re debunking 5 crazy chastity myths. Those who help perpetuate these common myths probably do so more out of ignorance than malice. But the absence of bad intentions doesn’t absolve those who insist on spreading their mistaken beliefs. We should confront the untruths.

Lots of women find the idea of male chastity a turn off. Many women on Fetlife who identify as lifestyle female doms are probably the most dismissive of male chastity and wearing chastity devices I’ve ever encountered. Those who consider male chastity unworthy of consideration and even ridicule men who want to wear a chastity device have a distorted perspective about chastity.

Chastity is Just Another Selfish Male-Centric, Penis-Focused Kink

Here is a view I’ve often seen chastity detractors espouse. Wearing a chastity device is not even about chastity. It’s about male arousal and wearing a cock cage serves only to make men horny, making men and that little thing between their legs the center of the attention. Men who say they want their penis locked up don’t want to be ignored. Instead, they want the exact opposite. They don’t want to be chaste. They want a woman to tease them to keep them in that state of unresolved sexual excitation they find very pleasurable. Men who wear those metal or plastic devices want to do it in exchange for a woman giving their penis attention.

There is much to unpack here. A lot of it is just the usual pedestrian male stereotypical tropes we often hear from women. All men are obsessed with their penis. They think about sex and making their penis happy all the time. Men only see women as sex objects useful to be used to get them off. I get it.

There are selfish men that don’t treat women with the respect they deserve. I understand why some women become jaded after encountering such men way too often. But another part of the problem, as I discussed in a previous post, is that women don’t understand male libido and how it works, but think they do. And that explains a lot of some women’s frustrations with men. And it’s why they don’t understand the teasing aspect that is such a necessary part of male chastity.

You often find grains of truth, even in myths. And women aren’t wrong that a man who desires chastity doesn’t want to get locked and forgotten. Chastity is not a set and forget proposition. Men want a woman to tease them while locked to keep them in that state of unresolved sexual excitation, and they find it very pleasurable. But the teasing and continued sexual excitement is a necessary part of the chastity dynamic. Without teasing, wearing a chastity device quickly becomes just frustrating, which doesn’t benefit anyone. And a man ignored, soon loses interest in staying locked.

Needing and wanting to get the teasing necessary to sustain continuous arousal from a keyholder doesn’t make the practice of chastity selfish. The absence of teasing only makes chastity pointless. I don’t think anyone could make a convincing argument that the willingness of a guy to wear a chastity device and cede all control of his penis and access to sexual pleasure isn’t about the most unselfish thing any man could do.

And one last point. Is it a crime for a man to enjoy the feelings of unresolved sexual excitation by finding it pleasurable? Do women actually believe that everything must be about them, their needs and desires? What’s wrong with both partners benefiting from chastity? Besides, much of the teasing that men desire focuses on his keyholder, anyway. Chastity is not a male-centric, penis focused kink. Thankfully, there are women who get it and have discovered how they can use chastity to their advantage.

Chastity Devices Are Impractical

Another myth often encountered is that chastity devices are impractical. Here is how the argument goes. A chastity device must be unlocked for cleaning frequently, or else it presents a major hygiene issue like unpleasant odors, sores, or infections. The noticeable bulge a device causes creates concern that others will notice the chastity cage when worn in public. Foreskins and over sensitive bits can get pinched, the devices can chafe and so on.

Yes, the device must come off sometimes in the interest of good hygiene, but many of the open “birdcage” style cages can stay on for weeks without removal. I often wear a device for a month at a time without getting unlocked and can keep things reasonably clean using a handheld showerhead. And even unlocking once a week for a thorough cleaning doesn’t make wearing a chastity cage impractical. And with so many well fitting devices available today, choosing the right device renders things like pinching, chafing, and general discomfort a thing of the past. I’m almost always caged, and rarely even notice the device. Manufacturers design chastity devices to conform to the normal contours of the male body and genitals, which eliminates any concern that someone in public will notice I’m wearing a chastity device.

Chastity Devices Don’t Work

Chastity cages aren’t inescapable and won’t prevent a determined, horny guy from masturbating, some claim. Both assertions are true. It requires suspension of belief to feel that you are hopelessly trapped in a locked chastity device. I know I could escape. And all I need to have an orgasm is my powerful wand vibrator, held against the cage. But it’s still a myth chastity devices don’t work. That’s because those who push this myth fail to take into account that men who wear chastity devices want to wear them and the vast majority of us don’t cheat. Wearing a device prevents men from masturbating and having orgasms in the usual way. We don’t cheat because we know if we aren’t serious about chastity, no keyholder will be serious about it either. Besides, we desire chastity. We want to remain chaste while wearing a device.

Chastity Isn’t Orgasm Control

Those who promote this myth say chastity isn’t orgasm control. Here is the argument. Chastity refers to the wearing of a cock cage and no orgasms thing. Orgasm control refers to someone exercising control over someone’s orgasms. This can include not only denial but permitting them to cum. It can also include forced orgasms, making them on demand several times in a row. And a chastity device is unnecessary for orgasm control anyway, since a submissive should always obey his dominant when she prohibits him from playing with himself, masturbating, or coming.

Chastity is orgasm control. It’s orgasm control at a whole other level. Part of what sustains this myth is too many people conflate chastity with strict orgasm denial. They think a caged guy should never get orgasms but should remain perpetually denied. That isn’t actually what chastity is about. Yes, a guy remains denied for whatever period his keyholder keeps him locked. And orgasm denial is what produces the effects that men find pleasurable. But she is free to unlock him and permit orgasms whenever she chooses. Get it? The keyholder controls his orgasms, totally. How is chastity not orgasm control? That makes no sense.

Chastity Doesn’t Change Male Behavior Positively

Many people don’t believe chastity changes male behavior positively, despite all the claims by both women and men that it does. Those who don’t outright deny chastity alters behavior say it is the orgasm denial that makes men more attentive, compliant, and affectionate. There is nothing magical about wearing a chastity device which is merely a male sex toy. To me, that last part of the argument makes little sense unless you conflate chastity with orgasm denial.

Chastity is distinct from orgasm denial. Yes, it is the effects of orgasm denial enforced by the device that produce the favorable male behavior. But someone could practice straight orgasm denial without wearing a cock cage and get the same results, which people did for many years before the first chastity device came along. Introducing a chastity device makes the activity a distinct thing, and the cage contributes to the effects so many men experience and keyholders observe.

The argument neither chastity nor orgasm denial changes male behavior is false and ridiculous. Of course it does. I’ve experienced myself many times and so have a lot of other people. People who deny chastity affects behavior changes simply reveal they don’t know what they are talking about and deserve to be ignored.

That’s debunking 5 crazy chastity myths. All get promoted by people who know little about chastity and, for whatever reasons, have no interest in learning what chastity is about. Sure, chastity isn’t for everyone. I prefer a dominant woman as a keyholder who doesn’t reject the idea of chastity outright. It tells me she has taken the time to learn what it is about. Also, it shows she will consider ideas and opinions that are new or different to her own and doesn’t selfishly dismiss something just because her submissive might take pleasure in doing it for her.

Dominant women who find the idea of male chastity a turn off and ridicule men who desire it don’t bother me because they hold no interest for me, especially those who use the myths discussed in this post to justify their rejection of something they obviously know little about. It makes me wonder what else they don’t know. I’d find it hard to trust someone like that enough to submit to their control.

male chastity sexuality

A Woman Struggles to Understand Why Men Desire Chastity

By Chaste on Friday, November 24, 2023

Recently I read an interesting blog post written by a dominant woman who struggled to understand why so many men get turned on by wearing chastity devices and by orgasm control and denial. I realized that might be something useful to discuss here because I know this woman isn’t the only woman who doesn’t understand why men desire chastity.

One reason this blog post interested me was that the woman who wrote it is a dominant woman. She notes that she fully understood why a femdom wants to control her submissive man’s orgasms and says it’s something she had always done. What she didn’t understand was why so many cock controlled men and wannabe locked men actually want a woman to take control of their penis and to deny their orgasms. If she, a kinky dominant woman who already understands and uses orgasm denial, is confused, just imagine how confused the average vanilla woman whose partner just asked her to add chastity to the relationship must feel.

Then she posed a question. “What is it about your orgasm that makes having it controlled by your partner so desirable to you?”

The Motivation Isn't the Same for Everyone

Of course, ten guys might give her ten different answers because we’re all unique. Chastity and orgasm control and denial don’t mean the same thing to all of us who enthusiastically wear chastity devices. Some guys simply fetishize chastity devices and even get erect just trying to put one on. Others enjoy the restrictive sensations of wearing a chastity device. It’s almost like penis bondage. And for still others, like me, it’s all about the orgasm control and denial. Wearing a chastity device simply elevates orgasm control and denial to a whole other level.

I can’t speak for every chastity enthusiast, but I can answer this woman’s question from my viewpoint by explaining why I desire chastity. I can’t answer her question directly since she will probably never read this post because she stopped posting on her blog in June 2018. But maybe other women with the same questions about why men desire chastity will read this post and understand more about the male attraction to chastity. But before I give my answer, let’s examine why women have such a difficult time understanding why men desire chastity.

Women Don’t Understand Male Libido

As I read this woman’s post, I understood quickly why she doesn’t understand chastity. She doesn’t understand the male libido. Consider this question she poses. “Is the male’s need to play with himself, to masturbate, and to ejaculate so much different from a woman’s need?” Later, she speculates, “I can only assume that there’s something very different about a male’s need to orgasm than a woman’s.” Here is her error.

She views male sexuality through the female lens as all women do. She and most other women think they understand male libido, but they don’t. They believe women and men are the same because that is a core tenant of feminism. The fundamental assertion of feminism is that women are equal to men, and equal not as counterparts to men, but in every respect. That includes sexuality. That’s why women assume men think about sex all the time, play with themselves and masturbate more than women do because men just don’t exercise self control like women do.

Ever heard a woman say something like, “Men are controlled by their penis,“ or “Men think with their penis,” or “All men think about is doing something sexual to make their penis happy.” Most women believe men are obsessed with their penis and spend far too much time playing with themselves, masturbating, and ejaculating. And women attribute all this to men refusing to exercise self control. Men are irresponsible. They truly believe all this. Why?

It’s a Limited Frame of Reference Issue

It’s not their fault women don’t understand male sexuality. How could they? They see the world through the female lens because they are women, just like men see the world through the male lens because they are men. It’s a limited frame of reference issue. I’ll readily admit I understand nothing about female libido because I’m not a woman. But after having had what I consider a representative sample of intimate encounters with women, I know from simple observation one thing is certain. The female libido and the male libido are not the same. Actually, I don’t think they could be more different.

Women exercise self-control. Their vagina doesn’t control them. They don’t think with their sex organ, therefore women are responsible. Sure, they like sex sometimes under the right circumstances and some masturbate, but few do with the frequency men do. Women aren’t like men. The female libido is not like the male libido. Not that the male libido is superior or better. It’s just different. That’s because evolution or nature, however one wishes to put it, assigned women and men different roles.

Evolution Made Us Different

Evolution assigned males the imperative to ensure the survival of the species. That’s why we are the way we are. That’s why we find it harder to exercise self-control, why we feel such a powerful urge to orgasm and ejaculate frequently. It’s not entirely our fault. That’s how evolution wired us sexually. And of course, women and men aren’t wired the same way.

Established physiological reasons exist that explain why the female and male libidos are different, and it is about neurotransmitters and the part of the human brain and the limbic system called the “reward center.” There are three primary actors – dopamine, prolactin, and oxytocin. This isn’t a post aimed at explaining the human sexual response cycle scientifically, so I will not get too far into the weeds here. But suffice it to say that the manner in which dopamine, prolactin, and oxytocin rise and fall before, during, and after orgasm differs greatly between men and women. That’s because the female menstrual cycle largely drives the sexual response cycle of women and the rise and fall of their dopamine, prolactin, and oxytocin levels.

Why the Science Matters

The manner in which dopamine, prolactin, and oxytocin rise and fall before, during, and after orgasm with men explains why men like me want to wear chastity devices because chastity takes orgasm control and denial, something I enjoy, to a whole other level. Elevated desire itself becomes pleasurable. It doesn’t work that way for most women.

Subjecting the average woman to orgasm denial quickly only makes her feel frustrated, and then angry, and if it continues, she loses all interest in anything sexual. Women know that. Just as the blogger says in the post, she can’t even imagine a woman begging for enforced chastity or to wear a chastity device. Of course not. The female libido doesn’t respond to it the way the male libido does.

I suspect with all men who desire chastity, even if it’s motivated initially by a chastity device fetish or the desire for penis bondage sensations, the effects of orgasm denial are also a part of the attraction. The orgasm denial effects are a big part of it for me. But not only from a sexual pleasure standpoint. The constant, elevated arousal also stimulates my submissive nature, and the more aroused I become and the longer it persists, the more submissive I feel toward my keyholder. That’s truly the part of it I like and want most. And I also crave the control aspect of it. I want to feel her control, her ownership of my penis and my orgasms.

I can’t say I ever lose the desire to orgasm, but I stop craving a release because I know from experience once I come and ejaculate, I drop out of that intense, pleasurable submissive headspace and it takes five to seven days before I return to it again. That’s why, when a keyholder allows me to come, I much prefer a ruined orgasm over an unrestricted one. A ruined orgasm shortens the refractory period and I lose little in terms of those powerful submissive feelings. Instead of five to seven days to get back to where I was pre-orgasm, it only takes a day or two.

Is the Male Desire for Chastity Motivated by Selfishness?

The blog post writer poses one last interesting question at the end. She prefaces the question by saying as a dominant woman, she would much prefer it if locking up a man’s cock was torture for him, not something that he found a turn-on. That seems logical from a femdom perspective, especially if the woman has a sadist streak. Then she asks the question. “Are we just doing you a favor by giving you exactly what you want?” The answer is yes, but it is more complicated than that. We could say it is transactional in that women give us what we want by locking up our penis, but they get benefits from doing it too.

Whether or not you have a submissive nature, the effects of extended orgasm denial will affect you mentally and emotionally. Your focus will change. Instead of selfishly focusing on your needs and desires and having them met, you will increasingly focus on your keyholder. Her needs and desires will become more important to you. The rising levels of dopamine drives that and your elevated sexual desire becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because you know your keyholder is the only person on the planet able to give you what you desperately want.

If women want to understand what motivates the male desire for chastity, they must first accept female libido and male libido are not the same. Evolution has programmed us differently, and your knowledge of female sexuality is useless in helping you understand male sexuality. Women and men are equal as human beings, but we are not the same and will never be the same sexually. Expecting men to behave more like women and telling them to exercise more self control will never change the things men do that irritate women. More women need to understand that the male desire for chastity and orgasm control and denial are tools women can use to their advantage to improve male behavior.

Chastity doesn’t magically transform me into someone I’m not, but I believe firmly that chastity makes me the best version of me I can possibly be. And that’s why I desire chastity.

Quick reminder for those who have been thinking about getting a Cobra chastity device, or another Cobra device. The Kink3D Black Friday and Cyber Monday Sale started this morning and runs through 27 November.

To be honest, I still think the prices of Cobra chastity devices are a little too high, but the 20% discount Kink3D is offering made the price of a second Cobra slightly easier to swallow. I took advantage of the infrequent Kink3D sale and ordered a Fusion Pink Cobra N+ this morning along with a matching Airlock accessory.

Honestly, I’ve vacillated for days between getting a second Cobra or the White Hera I have my eye on at House of Denial. I only decided this morning. The availability of the Airlock tipped my decision in favor of the Cobra.

House of Denial is working on an accessory that will allow use of plastic numbered tags with the Hera, but it isn’t yet available. Amanda strongly prefers the use of the plastic locks directly on the device and at the moment, Kink3D is the only option.

It disappointed me to learn the expected arrival date is December 4. Even choosing the expedited shipping option didn’t change the date. I suppose I should have expected it. I’m sure the Kink3D team is taking the same 4-day Thanksgiving holiday as most people are and will probably face a tsunami of orders when they return to work Monday morning thanks to the sale. But hopefully, Amanda will allow me to change out devices as soon as my new Cobra hits the mailbox.

Meanwhile…

If you, like me, are observing NOvember (also known as No Nut November), we’re on the home stretch, down to the last week. So far, not a single nut for me this month except for those in a slice of Pecan Pie yesterday. And it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas with no nuts either. Stay strong, my friends.

pro-domme key holders

5 Things I Already Love About My New Keyholder

By Chaste on Wednesday, November 22, 2023

Is Amanda the way a permanently satisfying keyholder relationship lies? I’m beginning to think so after discovering 5 things I already love about my new keyholder.

I’ve only just met Amanda and we don’t begin until December 1, but I’ve already learned a handful of things about her that cause my hopes to soar that I’m headed for a permanently satisfying keyholder relationship.

Finding an ideal remote keyholder often feels like you’re on a quest for the holy grail. And all too often, just when you think you’ve found it, something dashes your hopes. That happened with Lucie. She suited me perfectly, yet after too brief a time, Lucie had to step away from keyholding to attend some pressing personal matters in her real world life. What I had hoped would become a permanent arrangement, failed to materialize.

My first attempt at finding a new keyholder hasn’t worked out the way I had hoped. The chemistry just hasn’t developed. Since it has become increasingly difficult to find potential online keyholders the way I’ve done it in the past, I turned to the Chaster app. And then I met Amanda.

After a couple of chats, things already looked positive. But with 9 days left to go with NNN and my liaison with Michele, to my surprise Amanda isn’t just sitting back waiting for December 1. She has stayed engaged with me and we’ve chatted every day since we met. Amanda continues probing me for more information, not only about the things I like, but why I like them, and how they make me feel. And in the process, I’ve discovered five things that I already love about my new keyholder.

Amanda Really, Really Loves Chastity

Yesterday, Amanda gushed about how much she loves having full control over a man’s penis and his “primal” urges for sexual pleasure and why. Having complete dominion over a man’s erections and orgasms. In fact, she warned me if we continue together after the 7-day trial we’ve agreed to, I should prepare myself for permanent chastity. Here is why I feel this is so important.

There are lots of different views about male chastity from the perspective of dominant women. As I’ve seen in many Fetlife community discussions, it seems most dominant women are completely indifferent about if not outright hostile to the idea of male chastity involving the wearing of chastity devices. While some tolerate or fully embrace the idea of keeping their man locked up, many others absolutely despise the idea of their man wearing a chastity device.

While the latter, as femdoms almost universally do, insist on orgasm control and controlling their man’s access to sexual pleasure, they insist a man should be fully capable of controlling himself and doesn’t need a piece of metal or plastic locked on his genitals to do it. He only needs to obey his dominant. And, they add, no chastity device is foolproof and totally effective in preventing a man from having an orgasm. Many of these women see chastity devices simply as toys catering to yet another silly male penis-centric fetish interest and want nothing to do with it.

Even among some of the pro keyholders I’ve had, I quickly realized they felt no genuine interest in chastity and only offered keyholding because there are men willing to give them financial tributes for doing it. None of those experiences felt very enjoyable. So, it is important to me to have a keyholder who is as serious and passionate about chastity as I am, and Amanda definitely ticks that box.

Amanda Seeks a Permanent Relationship

The second thing I love about Amanda is she has told me from the start that she wants another full-time submissive man. She offers temporary chastity locks on the Chaster app, but she offers the week of consideration we’ve agreed to only to someone seriously seeking a full-time Domme. And that is exactly what I’m looking for, a permanent arrangement, so I can put the days of looking for another keyholder every few months behind me. I found a lot of benefits from self-locking in the past, but after my experiences with Lucie, I know I now want chastity controlled by a dominant woman. I really can’t imagine going back to self-locking anymore.

Amanda is an Actual Domme

Like Lucie, Amanda is an actual Domme with IRL experience in her local kink community. And again, from experience, I know women like Amanda offer a more comprehensive and meaningful dynamic than those women who only offer online chastity keyholding services and have little interest or experience with the wider world of kink. There is greater variety in the dynamic with an actual Domme who has done more than just online keyholding. That’s because they seek not only to enforce someone’s chastity, but want to explore their own kinks, desires, and needs with a submissive partner. That only makes chastity more meaningful for me because I want it to be focused on the keyholder.

Chastity, with a keyholder for me, has never been something where my greatest interest was only getting my own kinks satisfied. I don’t see a Domme as a kink dispenser. I have far more respect for dominant women than that. It is vitally important to me that my keyholder also gets her desires and needs satisfied and not just through financial tributes. I believe already that Amanda will offer that opportunity.

Amanda Is a Generous and Caring Person

Even with knowing her only a short while, Amanda has already shown to my satisfaction she is a generous and caring person. I have already remitted the small tribute she required for the 7-day consideration lock and I wouldn’t have faulted her at all had she chosen not to engage with me until December 1 once we closed the deal. She already had a list of my kink interests, limits, and toys to use for designing the tasks she will give me to do. But she didn’t do that.

Aware of how little I paid for the 7-days, I felt no entitlement to her attention until we start on December 1. But Amanda has started conversations with me every day, generously giving me her time and attention out of her interest in getting to know me better. Her interest in me as a person has been so clear. She reminds me quite a lot of Lucie in how generous and caring a woman she is. And that impresses me so much.

We Share Many Common Kink Interests

I’ve learned during the past week that Amanda and I share many other common kink interests besides just chastity. No, we don’t match perfectly. No two unique people ever do. As one example, I think Amanda enjoys enforced feminization a great deal more than I do. I’m fine with it in moderation, the way Lucie used it for the mild humiliation effects it has on me. Feminization just holds no appeal for me since I’m not a sissy-type submissive man and I’m not into CD. Nothing wrong with any of that, but I don’t find behaving or dressing as a woman arousing in the least. But Amanda has already gained my trust that she will respect my limits and will compromise even on things she finds interesting and fun to explore. And, based on our conversations, I feel we have enough common interests that neither of us will feel bored or short-changed.

Honestly, meeting Amanda has made NNN more difficult because I’m so excited for December 1 to arrive that I can’t wait for NOvember to end. Maybe I haven’t met Lucie’s equal, but the more I get to know Amanda, the more I feel convinced I’ve had the good fortune of meeting another special Domme.

male chastity device reviews

House of Denial Hera XS Chastity Device Review

By Chaste on Tuesday, November 21, 2023

It’s time for my long promised House of Denial Hera XS chastity device review. The Hera, part of the Olympus Collection, is a new, sleek 3D printed offering designed in-house by the House of Denial team, manufactured in the UK, and sold exclusively by the company.

The House of Denial Hera XS chastity device is part of the company’s new Olympus Collection, a collection of ergonomic, CMR-free, 3D printed male chastity devices. At the time of this post, the Hera was available in white or black. The six sizes range from XS to XXL, and there are two lock options, barrel lock (i.e., MagicLock type) or hexlock screw system. I wear tested the black Hera XS (extra small) with a barrel lock for this review.

An Alternative to the Kink3D Cobra?

My Kink3D Cobra N fits well and has performed flawlessly but because I often enjoy the sensations wearing shorter cages provide by forcing my flaccid penis to “turtle,” I was considering ordering a Cobra Baby model as soon as I could justify the spend. I didn’t expect I would wear the Baby often, but I wanted to satisfy my curiosity after reading the positive reviews from others on Reddit who enjoy wearing shorter cages and had tried the Baby. But before I got around to ordering one, I discovered a new 3D printed device that was getting some rave reviews of its own, the House of Denial Hera XS device.

When I visited the website and checked the specifications, I felt sure the Hera XS was very comparable in size to the Cobra Baby and was almost $40 cheaper. So, instead of ordering the Baby, I ordered the Hera XS instead.

The House of Denial device did not disappoint. On the surface, the Hera looks similar to the Cobra. But on closer examination, you see the device is a unique chastity device, not another attempt to copy the Cobra. The first time I handled mine and put it on, I knew the quality nylon material used to make the Hera and the satin smooth finish were every bit as good as that of my Cobra device. Without reservation, I say that the Cobra, often imitated but never duplicated, now has some serious competition.

Hera XS Specifications

Construction

3D printed from ultra strong and lightweight Nylon 12 material, then finished using an industry-leading, body-safe chemical smoothing process.

Weight: 30 grams

Cage Length: 3cm (Total length with base ring 4.5cm)

Cage Internal Diameter: 34mm

Base ring sizes (internal diameter): 36mm through 60mm (2mm increments)

Hera XS Components

The Hera XS kit is a three component system; a cage, one back ring, and an internal brass barrel lock with two keys. Those who choose the Hexlock system option get two hex locking screws and one pendant key instead of the barrel lock and keys.

Hera XS Physical Details

I ordered the Hera XS in black, but the device also comes in white, which I plan to get next. This device, which I find quite comparable to my Cobra N, is marginally lighter but just as solidly made. While I ordered mine with an integral lock, it is also available with dual hex head locking screws. As shown in the image above, instead of perfectly round, the base ring is wide at the top and tapers toward the bottom, which I find more comfortable than the circular base ring that came with my Cobra N. I also feel that the Hera gap is a more comfortable fit. In my opinion, the quality of workmanship with the Hera is every bit as good as you will find with the Cobra 3D printed devices. My device fits perfectly and the connection between the cage and base ring is tight with zero play. Once I snap the cage into the two receptacles on the base ring, I don’t need to hold the components together while inserting the lock because they stay together.

I was super impressed with the packaging. House of Denial ships the Hera in a reusable storage box along with a red velvet drawstring bag that holds the base ring, barrel lock, and keys.

Comfort and Feel of the Hera XS

As mentioned, the Hera weighs slightly less than the Cobra. The base ring and interior of the cage finish feels satisfyingly, silky smooth. It’s the most comfortable 3D printed device I’ve worn since the Cobra. It felt comfortable the first time I put it on and stayed that way. It feels as secure as it gets with a standard ball-trap device, none of which are absolutely inescapable without the added security of a body piercing.

I particularly appreciated the more generously sized urine outlet. The design helps keep your urethral opening aligned with the urine outlet making it possible to pee in the usual way without too much concern for missing the target.

The tapered-design of the ring I mentioned, keeps the device firmly against my lower abdomen except when my penis tries to grow erect. That tapering-effect also helps keep the base ring properly positioned around the scrotum. With the Cobra, I frequently have to readjust the base ring because it allows my balls to gradually ride up against the ring until it gets uncomfortable.

Hera Size Guide

On the company’s website, unlike Kink3D, House of Denial provides complete device specifications to help you choose the correct size device for your specific measurements. I ordered the Hera XS with the intention of getting a size comparable to the Cobra Baby because I often enjoy shorter devices that force my shaft to “turtle” inside my lower abdominal cavity. But the Hera XS in my estimation is actually designed for those with a flaccid length of 1.25 to 2 inches. My average flaccid length (not shriveled) is 3 inches. The Hera XS produces a “turtling” effect of about an inch for me. That’s sufficient to give me the satisfying feeling of compression I enjoy from shorter devices. If I wasn’t looking for that compression effect, I think the Hera M (Medium) would be my ideal size.

While Kink3D offers the Cobra in eight sizes, House of Denial offers the Hera in six. My guess is the company aimed at producing alternative devices for the six most popular Cobra sizes and eliminated two of the Cobra sizes, most likely the Cobra N and Cobra S+. Here are my rough guess estimates about equivalent sizes between the Hera and Cobra.

Hera XS – Cobra Baby

Hera S – Cobra N+

Hera M – Cobra S

Hera L – Cobra R

Hera XL – Cobra R+

Hera XXL – Cobra BFG

Remember, these are only guesses. I don’t have examples of all the devices to make side-by-side comparisons. And, to protect intellectual rights, Kink3D doesn’t provide device specifications. But I think my estimations are pretty close and you could probably use the above and the Kink3D Cobra size guide to choose a Hera that fits you. Still, I recommend instead that you take an accurate measurement of your flaccid length and girth and then compare your specifics to the specifications House of Denial publishes on the website to get the perfect fit.

House of Denial offers more Hera base ring size options than Kink3D, twelve to the Cobra’s eight. The Hera base rings all come in even metric diameters, so those who own a Cobra and might consider getting a Hera may not find the same diameter base ring. In my case, I wear the 44.5mm base ring with my Cobra but the slightly larger 45mm base ring with the Hera. The difference is so negligible that I don’t even notice it.

Hera cage internal diameters start with 34mm (XS), increases to 36mm with the Hera S (small), and then increase to the maximum, 38mm, for all other sizes. The 36mm or 38mm sizes would be more ideal for me, but 34mm has felt fine, just a bit tight.

Hygiene Considerations When Wearing the Hera

Like Cobra devices, the Hera has a “birdcage” style design with plenty of ventilation openings that allows me to keep the contents reasonably clean using a hand-held shower head. I’ve worn my Cobra device for an entire month on several occasions without removing it for cleaning and see no reason I couldn’t do the same with the Hera. And, as mentioned, the extra generous size of the urination outlet means I can pee while standing while wearing it with little concern about spraying the wall or floor.

Final Thoughts

The House of Denial Hera XS is an impeccably well designed and well-made chastity device. It’s marginally lighter than the Cobra and super comfortable. It’s a device that deserves serious consideration by those seeking a high-quality 3D printed plastic cage-style device, especially those looking to save some money over buying a Cobra.

At £99.99 ($123.80 USD when this post was published), the Hera XS offers outstanding quality at a reasonable and affordable price, and at about $36 less than the comparably sized Cobra Baby. And unlike Kink3D’s pricing model, where the price increases along with device size, the Hera comes at the same price regardless of the size you select. So on the larger sizes, you can save even more. In comparison, I feel the Hera matches up well with the Cobra in every single category.

I have only one minor complaint about the Hera. As someone who uses only remote keyholders, I love the Kink3D Airlock accessory that allows me to lock the Cobra N securely using the disposable plastic numbered locks. That’s the option most remote keyholders prefer. Since the devices use the same internal barrel lock, I had expected I could use the Airlock with the Hera. I was wrong. The lock receptacle on the Hera has slightly less depth, just enough that the Airlock pin won’t go completely in. So, wearing the Hera for a keyholder means I would have to go back to using some less convenient method to secure the keys to give my keyholder confidence I wasn’t accessing the keys without permission.

That’s the bad news. But there is some good news. A House of Denial representative told me recently that the team is already working on designing an accessory that will perform the same function as the Airlock and will allow use of the plastic numbered tags directly on the Hera device. I’m eager to get my hands on one as soon as the accessory becomes available.

I really like the white color option, and my next device will be a white Hera. House of Denial says the company is also planning to offer the device in other colors in the future. I like this device so much I’m not sure I will ever be able to justify the spend for another Cobra. I think I have already found my go to 3D printed device option with the Hera.

Disclaimer: This review represents my own honest opinions. I purchased this device at the full retail price using my own funds, and I have no affiliation with House of Denial other than being a satisfied customer.

permanent chastity

Orgasm Frequency For Chaste Males

By Chaste on Monday, November 20, 2023

After staying locked for 137 straight days and remaining orgasm free for 203 consecutive days, I suppose it’s only natural that orgasm frequency for chaste males is something I think about often these days. In this post, we examine the opinions of women keyholders about how often they feel they should allow their chaste males to come, and I’ll share a few thoughts of my own.

A Consensus Opinion About Length of Initial Lock Up

I’ve read quite a few blogs and books by women, both keyholders and dominant women who are in female led relationships and who impose permanent chastity on their partners with chastity devices. The consensus (and surprisingly consistent) opinion among these women I learned was the initial period of confinement should last for a minimum of ninety days. That’s once a male new to chastity has acclimated to wearing a chastity device more or less comfortably, of course. Then, assuming the women didn’t extend the confinement past the ninety days for unsatisfactory behavior, most said they would unlock their chaste male and allow him his first sexual release in whatever manner suited them.

Orgasm Frequency After the First Confinement

After the first ninety-day period of confinement and first release, these women said they then experimented to determine the optimum orgasm frequency for their males. Their decisions often rested on how long it took their male to return to the desired compliant and accommodating demeanor achieved with the initial 90-day lock up and denial period. There was less consistency in their opinions about orgasm frequency from the initial lock up and beyond, which I suppose is understandable since everyone is unique. We all may respond differently to the same stimulus.

Some women, especially those with younger partners, allowed their males to orgasm once a week. The most common opinion was allowing their male to orgasm once per month, and those women thought they shouldn’t withhold orgasms for over three months unless there were good reasons (e.g., complaining, sulking, whining, etc.).

The third most common opinion was striking a balance between keeping their males completely denied but allowing them to orgasm just often enough to give them hope of gaining a future release. Here, there was no set frequency, just the intent of not extinguishing all hope. Once a male reaches that point, chastity no longer works for either partner and only makes him resentful and depressed.

The Need for Balance

While permanent chastity appeals to me strongly, the idea of permanent denial does not. Except for the brief refractory period, two to three days after an orgasm, I never stop wanting to orgasm. And the longer I am denied, the more desperately I want release, and the more I think about wanting to orgasm. I simply can’t imagine living with orgasms under a permanent embargo. While I think I could live with 90-day periods between orgasms, honestly, having an orgasm once per month sounds much more appealing. Sure, once a week would be amazing and that’s still only 52 orgasms a year, but so far I haven’t had a single keyholder who allowed that.

Chastity is about orgasm control by a keyholder, and the effects of orgasm denial fuels it and produce the positive behavior modification that keyholders seek. But, more denial is not always better with orgasm frequency for chaste males. A keyholder must strike that balance many of the women from the posts and books I read spoke about, the balance between producing the desired behavior and not extinguishing a male’s hope for a future release.

My Experience With the Lack of Balance

Since I’ve shared it before, I won’t repeat the entire story again here. But briefly put, my first keyholder pushed the envelope with denial too far. Once the time between orgasms lengthened too far past what she had allowed in the beginning, I grew depressed and then I became resentful and finally I got angry. So, I pulled the plug and ended the relationship. I just couldn’t continue once all hope was gone.

I want my keyholder’s full control over my access to sexual pleasure and orgasms. I crave it. The control aspect motivates my desire for chastity and willingness to endure the denial. I also prefer indefinite chastity, where my keyholder doesn’t tell me the future date she has set for unlocking me and allowing release. I don’t want to know because then I end up counting down the days instead of just immersing myself in the chastity experience. But what I also want is to feel confidence that my keyholder understands me and the importance of balancing her desires and goals for the relationship with my needs and desires. I’m willing to sacrifice and suffer for her greatly, but I need to see evidence she understands and appreciates it. And from my view, a fair and realistic orgasm frequency is a significant part of all of that.

The Game Chaste Men Are Forced to Play

Yes, there is a fetish or kink aspect to chastity that many guys crave and a keyholder helps satisfy those desires. It’s also a major turn on for a guy because of the loss of control. This is why it is almost always the male who suggests chastity in the first place in an established relationship. The chastity device turns the male’s desire, passion, attention, and energy toward the one holding the keys. His constant awareness of being locked in the device and that he will do anything for her to unlock him, makes him willing to focus entirely on her needs and desires, not his.

As his desire builds over time, the longer he stays locked, the more he enjoys it. But only as long as he holds out hope of getting an eventual release. But some keyholders don’t seem to understand or ignore that chastity should benefit both her and him. It’s okay for him to elevate the keyholder’s needs and desires above his own, but he deserves to have his needs met as much as she does.

All too often, especially around the web where dominant women congregate, I see them insisting male submission, even within the context of chastity, is all about them. They shame guys into silence who mention their needs and desires, suggesting such men think dominant women are kink vending machines who exist only to dispense male sexual pleasure. That makes guys looking for a keyholder, especially those of us who aren’t in a relationship, hesitant to even bring up our expectations for fear of getting shunned. That doesn’t work. It isn’t realistic. No one is that selfless, but we feel forced to pretend we are.

I don’t need or want a keyholder who thinks my needs and desires don’t matter. If something is no fun, there is no point in doing it. No, I don’t expect a keyholder to fulfill my every fantasy or satisfy my every kinky desire. That would be selfish. But I will not shortchange myself by doing something I don’t enjoy. I’m not playing the game.