Cut to the Chaste

The Basics of Permanent Chastity

By Chaste on Thursday, November 2, 2023

While I’ve never viewed permanent chastity as simply the inevitable next step in continuing a chastity journey, the time spent with Lucie provoked me to contemplate whether the time had come in my chastity journey where permanent chastity now made sense. I still think of it as more of a leap than just a step. That’s because I’m convinced that transitioning to permanent chastity wouldn’t be without its challenges. As I’ve gained more experience with long-term wearing of chastity devices, I learned to love and crave the sensations of ever-growing arousal and ever-intensifying desire. Once you adjust to chastity and denial, those sweet sensations never seem to stop. Yet I still sometimes experience occasional waves of overwhelming need, often at the most unexpected times. When that happens, it gives me pause. Is permanent chastity something I truly want? And if so, how do I envision it? These thoughts prompted me to think about the basics of permanent chastity. Maybe discussing it on a granular level will help me (and perhaps others) gain some much needed clarity of what it is I truly want from chastity.

per·ma·nent

/ˈpərm(ə)nənt/

adjective

adjective: permanent

lasting or intended to last or remain unchanged indefinitely.

What Permanent Chastity Is

Let’s begin by defining permanent chastity. Because every relationship between two people to some degree has its unique version of permanent chastity rules, giving one all-encompassing definition of permanent chastity isn’t realistic. But we can consider some examples to help us grasp what permanent chastity is.

Here is one model. The male remains always locked. His keyholder lets him out for cleaning only. In this version of permanent chastity, if the keyholder allows any type of sexual release, the male must cum in his cage, either from the use of a vibrator against the cage or from anal stimulation. In this example, the male remains pussy free as far as never getting PIV sex. He never gets an erection or gets to touch his penis without the cage present.

In a second version, the male remains strictly locked at all times except when the keyholder lets him out for cleaning or for sex and play if she wants it. He doesn’t remain pussy free, but she controls every release, including how he gets it. As an example, the keyholder may allow him PIV sex if she wants it, but only for her pleasure, and she doesn’t allow him to ejaculate during PIV sex. She may not allow him orgasms at all, but if she does, it’s after she gets satisfied and then either lets him masturbate to orgasm or while providing the stimulation herself.

In both examples, the male remains locked all the time. That’s what permanent chastity is. It doesn’t mean he never gets unlocked. Cleaning must happen, and if the keyholder allows sex or masturbation, he gets unlocked for that too. Couples must accommodate medical examinations and travel concerns. But most of the time, all the time, he stays locked.

What is important to note is when chastity is permanent, he never gets breaks from it. There’s no taking the cage off for a few hours, or a day, or at night occasionally while he is sleeping, or for a weekend. If the keyholder unlocks him for sex, the cage goes back on immediately afterward. He gets no down time. When allowed to cum, the cage goes right back on immediately after he has cleaned up.

Since it is completely up to the keyholder how she enforces permanent chastity, there are hybrid versions of the above examples. The examples show only that the two main types of permanent chastity are pussy-free and not pussy-free. Emma, who owns and curates the Evolving Your Man blog, is a good example. Based on what she shares in the blog posts, she uses a model similar to the second example. She allows her husband PIV sex when she wants it, but doesn’t allow him to cum inside her. She manages all his weekly (once every seventh day) releases by requiring him to masturbate under her supervision.

For two guys prominent in the online chastity space that I’ve followed for a long time, their wives both practice the pussy-free version of permanent chastity. They never allow their husbands PIV sex. One couple has practiced chastity this way for years, for well over a decade. The other couple transitioned to pussy free relatively recently.

Regardless of which version people use, the takeaway is that permanent chastity means staying locked all the time except for brief periods when the keyholder chooses to unlock you. It’s always up to the keyholder, never up to you.

Permanent Chastity Is Not Celibacy

Some people outside the lifestyle think chastity and celibacy are the same. They aren’t. Not even with permanent chastity. Sex remains part of the dynamic. It just focuses on the keyholder. A keyholder may allow the male releases even if she limits it only to masturbation. Of course, she gets all the sex she wants when she wants and how she wants. And her partner often serves her sexually in various ways. The keyholder may also incorporate pegging and other forms of anal stimulation. It’s not a complete absence of sex, but sex with a reduced focus on the penis. Much less focus than males in vanilla relationships experience.

Transitioning to Permanent Chastity Should Be a Gradual Process

Trying to go to permanent chastity too fast is never a good idea. The male body needs time to adjust, and he must adjust mentally. A keyholder needs awareness of the different phases a male’s body goes through over days and weeks and wearing the cage and coping with orgasm denial. This can vary from one individual to the next, so experimenting with chastity and learning how a specific male responds is the best approach. Once the keyholder learns this and the male has made the adjustments, they can discuss permanent chastity seriously. Then the keyholder chooses the model she prefers, pussy free or not, and they begin.

It’s critical for a keyholder to understand the significant mental effects permanent chastity has for her partner. He is making an enormous sacrifice and the keyholder must understand the significance of it. The idea of permanent chastity is a tremendous turn on for many guys. They have probably fantasized about it and even masturbated to those fantasies. Sometimes, guys can mistake excitement for it for readiness to experience it when they aren’t truly prepared for it. Other times, a keyholder, underestimating the profound effects permanent chastity will have on her partner, may press ahead too quickly. Either way, proceeding to permanent chastity too soon usually ends in failure.

Communication is key to success. Once both have agreed to proceed, they must both commit to making it work. I learned this the hard way in my first experience with permanent chastity. Since I was so new to chastity at the time, my keyholder was partly responsible for not taking that into account. But I wasn’t blameless. I was so enamored with my keyholder and so eager to please that I didn’t communicate my misgivings when they cropped up but tried to just man up and press on.

The result was an abysmal failure, and the relationship ended. And the failure happened because we moved to permanent chastity too fast. I had adjusted to the physical part of it. I felt comfortable wearing the chastity device and my body had stopped fighting the denial. It was the mental aspect I wasn’t able to cope with because I didn’t get enough time to make the adjustments necessary. While I believed I was committed to the idea, I wasn’t. I wasn’t ready that once it was permanent, there was no mercy, and no amount of begging or complaining would sway my keyholder. It became my reality, a reality I wasn’t prepared for sufficiently. I became depressed and felt hopeless. The pressure built until I couldn’t cope any longer and then, without warning, I just quit.

The Process of Transitioning to Permanent

To be clear, the following are my opinions on what I believe is necessary to transition successfully to permanent chastity. I base my opinions both on my past unsuccessful experience and what I have learned from experienced keyholders I’ve talked with. I could be wrong about what I think must happen for the process to succeed, but I don’t think I am.

Let’s start with what I think a keyholder must do. Recognizing the depth of the physical and mental challenges a male faces when transitioning to permanent chastity, I think she must be strong but loving. She should comfort him and remind him he is sacrificing for her. This was an area the keyholder I mentioned was great at and I became extremely submissive during this time. She made time for us to talk every day. But she wasn’t so good at what I now understand is another important part. The sexual part, which I view as just as important.

That particular keyholder offered little in the way of teasing, and here is why that’s important. Teasing shifts your focus away from your locked cock. Lucie understood this perfectly. She used various types of anal play and some light feminization, like making me wear panties with the cage. That helped calm me and refocused my energy from my penis to other parts of my body. I became much more in touch with other parts of my body and it enhanced my emotions, all because my attention got diverted to other zones, where stimulation felt pleasurable.

My entire body came alive, and that enhanced my submissive feelings toward Lucie. The light feminization and anal stimulation helped me accept the chastity cage as just a part of my body. My body stopped fighting the cage, and the straining lessened so that I could just experience the chastity. Bouts of feeling intense need still happened sometimes, but physically and mentally the teasing Lucie provided helped train me physically and mentally to cope with it better.

That’s why teasing is so vital. The purpose isn’t just keeping a locked guy horny. It’s not about enacting all his kinky fantasies. It’s to help him learn to cope with the powerful effects of a lengthy time spent locked. Because deep down, he wants to submit to his keyholder’s control of literally every aspect of his sexuality and access to sexual pleasure.

That’s why my first experience with permanent chastity ended in failure and why I came away from that experience, believing it just didn’t suit me and I never wanted to try it again. But then I met Lucie, a woman who understood the process and knew how to make me crave it.

My part in it all is to reach the realization it is what I want. Then, once I agree to it with a keyholder, I must commit myself to it. Not just commit to trying it and then deciding whether I really want it or not. But committed to stick with it. Then I need to trust my keyholder if she has proven she deserves my trust to lead me through the process as she sees fit. None of that is a small thing because I am making an enormous sacrifice for her.

Is Permanent Chastity Worth It?

The most important thing to realize about permanent chastity is both partners benefit. He craves her attention. He desires with his entire being to serve, worship, and honor her. By giving him her attention and these opportunities, he will never feel regret for agreeing to permanent chastity. As long as he feels appreciated for making the sacrifice, as long as she reminds him often he is her good boy, he will find it all worthwhile. Her pleasure becomes the singular focus of his sex life and satisfying her desires becomes all that matters to him. He will learn to experience her pleasure vicariously, and it will send him deep into subspace. From it, he will experience a feeling of belonging beyond words. Permanent chastity might be the ultimate sacrifice, but it can become an indescribably beautiful and thing that both partners will find worth it, when they do the process right.

That’s my take on permanent chastity. I’ve acquired a lot more experience with chastity since my first taste of it. I believe I’m capable of doing it now, and I believe it is what I want. While I didn’t get the chance the experience it with Lucie as I had hoped, I’m not ready to give up the idea.

sexuality

Cuckolding Psychology Explained: Why Do They Do That?

By Chaste on Wednesday, November 1, 2023

Common motivations behind the complex psychology of cuckolding, explained.

Cuckolding is a consensual non-monogamous sexual interest where someone gets turned on, or derives sexual arousal from their partner having sex with someone else. It’s something you probably have heard about if you’ve been involved with chastity for very long. That’s because cuckolding gets discussed a lot on blogs and forums devoted to male chastity.

I have written little about cuckolding on this blog for two reasons. It’s not my thing. The idea of watching or even just hearing about my partner having sex with someone else doesn’t turn me on. Nothing against those who practice it and enjoy it. It’s just not my thing. And since I’m single and not interested in dating at the moment, cuckolding isn’t relevant to me, anyway.

Also, I admit I feel a fair amount of resentment that some people treat cuckolding as just the next logical step to take after embracing permanent chastity. It isn’t. Honestly, I don’t see cuckolding as having anything to do with practicing chastity. Yes, I know many people combine chastity with cuckolding, but cuckolding has been around a long time, long before chastity devices were even a thing. Cuckolding is one of the major themes of the erotic novella, Venus in Furs, which the author first published in 1870. It’s a totally separate kink.

So, why write about cuckolding now? I’m writing about it because Lucie featured cuckolding prominently in the teasing she delivered last week. She sent me a link to a femdom video she told me to watch as one part of an assignment. Then, for the second part, I had to write a short story, using the video as inspiration. Lucie enjoyed the story and told me to post it on the blog so others could read it. So, if cuckolding fiction is right down your street, you can download and read Trophy Wife and the Cuck free here. It’s available as a PDF or ePub.

Besides the assignment, by coincidence, I also read a guest post on the Evolving Your Man blog, which I follow regularly. That also motivated me to write this post. If I had ever had any interest in exploring cuckolding, reading this post, “My Cuckold Relationship: Why I choose him over you,” would have torpedoed it. Frankly, the woman who wrote the post seems like one of the most selfish, heartless human beings I’ve ever heard of. For obvious reasons, I can’t reprint the post here, but I hope you will click the link above, read the post, and see what you think.

Gender and Sexual Orientation in Cuckolding

It is important to note that cuckolding can involve any gender and sexual orientation combinations. But when people associate it with chastity, it usually involves heterosexual or bisexual men and their female partners. So, that combination is what I’m focusing on in this post. Also, some people equate cuckolding with “hotwifing,” another consensual non-monogamous model. But those aren’t interchangeable interests.

As Dr. Justin Lehmiller, founder and editor of Sex and Psychology, explains, “In cuckolding scenarios, there’s usually a BDSM element involved. The cuckold—the person who is watching—takes on a submissive, sometimes masochistic role. In hotwifing, the BDSM element is not present. You have more of an ego boost motivation.” Now let’s get to the common motivations behind the complex psychology of cuckolding.

Why Would a Man Want to Watch His Wife Have Sex With Another Man?

Why would a man want to watch his wife have sex with another man? As I learned while researching for this post, the answer is not simple. There are plenty of deviations among couples who practice cuckolding. But in a scholarly article written by clinical psychologist and author David Ley, Ph.D., commonalties exist in the motivations behind why a man wants his wife or partner to cuckold him.

In interviews with actual practitioners of cuckolding, Dr. Ley observed that while the practice focuses on the female partner’s sexuality, 99% of the time couples incorporate cuckolding at the male partner’s request. Ley found that women, especially wives, rarely go unprompted to their husbands to ask permission to have sex with other men.

When researching cuckolding fantasies, Dr. Lehmiller found that more than half of the heterosexual men in a study had these fantasies, compared to 25 percent of heterosexual women. Gay and bisexual men were more likely than heterosexual men to have cuckolding fantasies, and the same was true of lesbian and bisexual women. Those identifying as non-heterosexual males were more likely to be into cuckolding.

Common Cuckolding Motivations

Based on research, here are common reasons men get turned on, or sexually aroused by watching their wives or partners have sex with other men.

Voyeurism

We live in a culture permeated by porn. Porn is not only readily available, but we can easily access it for free. Most men of high-school age and older have seen pornography and use it as a part of their sexual repertoire. Those accustomed to using such voyeuristic activities in expressing their sexuality may incorporate it into their relationship sexuality. For some, watching their wife or partner have sex with another man may be a next step, or progression, from using a video camera during sex and watching it later, to eventually watching one’s partner have sex with someone else. Many men told me Dr. Ley during interviews that their wife was the most beautiful woman in the world to them and that they would rather watch her having sex than some porn model they didn’t know. Some men involved in cuckolding also told him they referred to these husbands as “porn director husbands,” because the husband had a visual fantasy in his head that he wanted his wife to enact with other men.

Sperm Competition

Authors Christopher Ryan, Terry Gould, and researchers Baker and Bellis suggest cuckolding involves a biological response that affects the male sexual drive. Watching his wife with another man can prompt a husband biologically to have longer, more vigorous sex, have a shorter refractory period between erections, and ejaculate more forcefully. And his ejaculate may even contain more sperm, according to research which has examined the role of competition on sexual performance.

The Thrill of the Taboo

Society stigmatizes few things in our society more than a man who stays with his wife or partner after she “cheats” on him by having sex with others. Historically, society has ostracized and ridiculed such men, regarding them as weak “sissies” or “pussy whipped” men. Some men Dr. Ley interviewed described explicitly cuckolding effects for them that showed they experienced the thrill of a similar taboo, a rush of excitement from engaging in the forbidden and the naughty. The thrill of the taboo also explains why some men experience sexual arousal from kinks like exhibitionism, public sex, and wearing women’s panties and lingerie.

Bisexuality

In more than half of the men Dr. Ley interviewed, male bisexuality played a role in the husband’s desires to watch his wife have sex with another man. This played out like a “bait and switch.” After persuading their wives to cuckold them, these men recruited other men, spending inordinate amounts of time looking for well-endowed men for their wives. Often, these men felt great concern about being seen as heterosexual. They used cuckolding as a pretext to engage sexually with the men they recruited for their wives as well, and most times, wanted their wives to “force” them to be sexual with the other men. That suggests a man so focused on the size of other men’s penises may not really be all that straight.

Physical Issues

Several men Dr. Ley interviewed reported they could not have intercourse as vigorously as their wives enjoyed because of physical or medical issues, such as heart conditions, hypertension, and erectile dysfunction. While most of the wives weren’t unhappy with things, these men often grieved the lowered sexual satisfaction of their wives more strongly than the wives themselves. And that motivated them to encourage their wives to cuckold them by sleeping with other men.

This is one motivation that causes some men to incorporate chastity with cuckolding. First, they persuade their partners to lock them in chastity. Then they claim wearing a chastity device has caused their penis to shrink or made them have erectile dysfunction (ED). These often imagined physical limitations mean they can no longer satisfy their partners sexually and feel it’s unfair that their partners miss out on sexual satisfaction. So the next step is persuading their wives or partners to have sex with other, better equipped and more well-endowed men who can satisfy them sexually.

Masochism

The term “masochism” comes from the name of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, the author of Venus in Furs, a book about sadist dominant women. Leopold posted ads in German newspapers of his day, seeking “energetic young men” to befriend and “pleasure” his wife. It was the humiliation aspect, the mental and emotional masochism of cuckolding that interested Leopold. Specifically, he found being treated as weak, lesser, and not a real man sexually arousing. Like those who seek the thrill of the taboo, some cuckolding includes a strong sadomasochistic flavor, where their female partners dominate, belittle, and degrade their male partner cuckolds, which produces a similar thrill and arousal for both partners.

This is another motivation where chastity gets incorporated. Those who enjoy the sadomasochistic flavor are those who also tend to incorporate small penis humiliation (SPH), forced feminization, and forced male bisexuality into the cuckolding. The chastity device becomes a prop, its presence the evidence that the male’s penis is too small to satisfy his wife or partner sexually, or is so small he doesn’t deserve to have penetrative sex with a woman.

Female Sexual Fulfillment

Women have greater sexual capacity than males. The world record for male orgasms is about 26 in a 24-hour period. But research has documented some women having 60-65 orgasms during a single hour. I chuckled reading this because I once dated a very orgasmic woman. One Sunday morning, during intercourse, she had four orgasms before I ejaculated. I continued stimulating her in other ways, orally, with my fingers, and using various sex toys. It amazed me she continued climaxing again and again. So, after the first four orgasms, I kept a count. In just under an hour, she had 51 orgasms. When she asked me to stop, she explained she had become afraid because she felt she might not be able to stop coming if we continued. Like ever! That blew my mind. So, I accept the research statistics above, at least on the female sexual capacity side.

In his research, Dr. Ley, interviewed many men who reported that their wives were highly sexual beings, with a greater sexual capacity, and it simply turned the husbands on and pleased them to see their wives sexually satisfied, at a degree that a single man could never achieve. The men also reported having a vicarious experience, by being a part of the experience, where they vicariously and strongly experienced the sexual satisfaction their wife experienced. Some reported they also experienced vicariously the greater female sexual capacity and the essence of female sexuality in ways most men never experience it.

There was an interesting comment a man posted to the Evolving Your Man cuckolding blog post I linked to. I’m reprinting the comment (edited for clarity) here because I think it touches directly on this specific motivation.

“My wife and I have had a similar arrangement, and I also enjoy the idea of my wife ‘owning her sexuality’ and owning mine, too. I find my wife’s sexual freedom has deepened our intimacy. When your wife tells you she loves you but prefers to reserve penetrative sex for another man, there is a deep feeling of vulnerability that opens you up to a kind of intimacy that would otherwise not be possible. That might not work for all couples, but it works for us.”

It seems some men focus so intently on their partner’s sexuality and freedom “to own” her sexuality, at the exclusion of their own, that they redefine intimacy in terms of vulnerability and submission and other ways that help them accept (or maybe rationalize) embracing cuckolding. Not sure how common this is, but these guys, men like the one who posted the comment, have elevated their female partner and her desires so far above their own that being cuckolded makes perfect sense. While I applaud their altruistic spirit, I admit I am just not wired for that level of self-sacrifice.

Maybe It’s Only About Selfishness?

Given the diversity of human beings, I don’t pretend I have offered here an exhaustive list of reasons that motivate people to desire cuckolding. But I believe I’ve discussed the most common ones. Now, I will conclude this lengthy post with my view of cuckolding.

I’m sharing only my perspective. I have no wish to offend anyone, and I don’t judge anyone. If you hold a different opinion, I stipulate your opinion is just as valid as mine. But to my mind, cuckolding is at its essence a very selfish sexual interest and practice. I base that not only on the motivations discussed above, but the plentiful number of forum posts I’ve read written by men who are into cuckolding.

Except for (possibly) the female sexual fulfillment motivation, the last one I discussed, I see all the others as examples of glaring male selfishness. Research shows 99% of the time couples incorporate cuckolding at the male partner’s request. Men encourage their wives or partners to have sex with other men because they want their fantasies enacted because it gets them off. They aren’t thinking about their partner’s sexual satisfaction or desires or thinking about the relationships. They want what they want because it makes them horny and will do whatever it takes to get it. But it isn’t only men as the blog post I mentioned shows.

Hopefully, you read the post already. I waited to discuss it until the end so you could form your own opinion. The woman who wrote the post relates how she and her husband were in bed together and he tried to initiate sex with her. But she rebuffed him. Not because she wasn’t in the mood.

She explains her desire and her heart was for Ryan, her lover, who she would spend the upcoming weekend with. And looking forward to the impending tryst with Ryan, she just couldn’t think of allowing her husband to penetrate her then, if ever again. He just didn’t make her heart race and her mind fill with lust and excitement the way Ryan did. She shared all that with her husband, of course. Even though she knew how much her words hurt him. Then she excuses herself with, “I had to be honest with my husband, right?”

Later, she adds as an excuse for her behavior the “permission” her therapist gives her by telling her “she is wired for passion and lust, but also needs the emotional security and consistency her loving husband provides.” Having her cake and eating it too sounds more like it. This woman isn’t just selfish in the extreme. I think she is abusive toward her husband. No human being should tolerate that bullshit. I hope her husband wakes up someday and yanks away the emotional security and consistency blanket. I wouldn’t feel any differently if the roles were reversed. No one deserves that.

So, that’s my take on cuckolding. Not interested. Sorry, not sorry. If it’s your thing, more power to you, bro. Just not for me.

chastity challenges

3 Denial December Secrets You Never Knew

By Chaste on Tuesday, October 31, 2023

Denial December is another monthly challenge in the spirit of #Locktober and #NoNutNovember. Like No Nut November, Denial December doesn’t specifically involve wearing a chastity device, but since chastity enthusiasts adopted the event, many guys stay locked during the month of December. You must deny yourself orgasms for the entire month to complete the challenge successfully. But Denial December has a requirement that none of the other chastity challenges have. That’s because it didn’t start as out as a male chastity challenge. Let’s begin with a short history and then I’ll reveal 3 Denial December secrets you never knew.

A Brief History of Denial December

While we can pinpoint the exact dates that Locktober and No Nut November began, and even know with acceptable accuracy who created these challenges, the same isn’t true of Denial December.

No doubt, somewhere deep in the bowels of the internet, the complete story about Denial December exists. Tirelessly, I searched for the information before penning this post. But Google, just as the sea refuses to give up its dead, would not give up the secrets behind this most mysterious challenge.

Google, once the gold standard of search engines, no longer cares about providing useful internet searches. They would rather focus on other things like selling ads, trying to steal market share from Apple by coercing people to buy Google phones so the company can steal even more of your data to sell at hefty profits, interfere with elections at home and abroad, and to promote communist propaganda aimed at dismantling capitalism.

Some time ago, Google retrofitted its once useful search engine by installing algorithms designed to predict what people are searching for since of course we are in Google’s estimation too stupid to know what information we truly want. So as I used Google to search for information on the history of Denial December, Google returned links to the information they were convinced I really wanted – links about Holocaust deniers, climate change deniers, 2020 election deniers, J6 insurrection deniers, and Covid 19 “vaccine” efficacy deniers. No matter how I constructed my search terms, I got the same results. Obviously, Google doesn’t want us to know the history behind Denial December or its secrets. After all, giving us what we asked for isn’t going to put any money in the company’s coffers, change election outcomes, or assist the WEF in taking over the world for the good of the elites.

Annoyed, I turned to some of the other crappier search engines that have never been able to compete with Google’s dominance. The results weren’t great, but I learned a hell of a lot more than I did from Google’s manipulated searches. But alas, I did not learn when Denial December first started or who created it. That’s why this history of Denial December is so brief. But I did learn 3 Denial December secrets you never knew. At least, I didn’t.

Denial December Did Not Start as a Chastity Challenge

The first shocking secret I uncovered is that Denial December didn’t start out as a chastity challenge. It began as an edging and orgasm denial challenge. To refresh the memory of any who may have forgotten what edging is, here is a short definition.

Edging is the practice of stopping sexual stimulation before reaching orgasm to prolong a sexual experience. The term stems from the concept of approaching the metaphorical “edge” of orgasm but stopping before going over it.

While the manner in which one is supposed to do the edges during the challenge has changed over the years, the original concept was this. Beginning on December 1, you were supposed to perform the number of edges corresponding to the number of days since your last orgasm. So, if we’re talking about guys, that probably meant doing only one edge on December 1, two on December 2, and so forth, until you reached the end of the challenge. To successfully complete the challenge, you had to avoid having an orgasm the entire month of December.

Later people, as they are wont to do, altered the original rules to better suit them. One example is instead of edging once for each day since the last orgasm and remaining orgasm free the entire month, some only edged through December 24, and then could orgasm. I suppose as a Christmas Eve gift to themselves. They treat Denial December as a sort of denial challenge Advent Calendar. Someone else I read about changed the rules from edging once for each day since the last orgasm, to just doing three edges each day from either December 1 through the end of the month, or from December 1 through December 24.

Putting aside the random rule changes that have occurred since the challenge’s inception, the first secret here is that the creator of Denial December intended it to be an edging and orgasm denial challenge, not a male chastity challenge. That takes us to the second secret.

Denial December Isn't Just for Males

The second secret I discovered about Denial December is the challenge originally was meant for anyone, not just males. I found articles from several women who took part in the challenge. So, it seems male chastity enthusiasts co-opted the original concept and transformed Denial December into another chastity challenge in the spirit of Locktober and No Nut December.

In the old days, before Denial December became another male chastity challenge, no one wore a chastity device and guys performed the edging the old-fashioned way. The ladies who took part either let their fingers do the walking or used their favorite sex toys when edging without a partner’s assistance.

Observing Denial December now as a male chastity challenge often includes wearing a chastity device for the month of December. But participants could remove it each day long enough to complete the required edges. There is nothing keeping a self-locked guy from doing it this way. And a keyholder could opt to unlock her charge briefly each day and have him knock out the required number of edges by stroking, or a really wonderful keyholder might do the stroking for him. But there is another option, an option I admit favoring.

Most of us who have spent much time locked in a chastity device have had the experience of using a powerful vibrator held against the cage to do edges. I actually prefer this method to the old-fashioned one and it makes unlocking unnecessary. But either method seems to satisfy the challenge rules, since it is the edging and denial that counts. Just an idea I had, but it might not work. Since Denial December was for everyone at the beginning, why not ask your keyholder to join in the fun with you? Perhaps she will join you in a month of denial, out of a spirit of fellow-feeling? It couldn’t hurt to ask.

Orgasms Aren't Strictly Prohibited by Some

The third astonishing secret I learned about Denial December is that not everyone considers having an orgasm or two, or three, a disqualification from successfully completing Denial December. Many people don’t consider “accidental” orgasms disqualifying as long as you ruin them. You can even have several ruined orgasms and still complete the challenge successfully. In case someone reading this hasn’t ever experienced a “ruined orgasm,” here is an explanation. Ruining an orgasm means stopping all stimulation the moment you realize you have arrived at the point of no return and orgasm is inevitable. Then, instead of experiencing a pleasurable and forceful ejaculation, the semen just dribbles out and feels more frustrating than pleasurable.

From what I gleaned from the research, the founder of the challenge definitely intended that participants refrain from having any orgasms to successfully complete Denial December. I’m afraid I have to come down on the side of the purist’s viewpoint on this one. Orgasm denial is orgasm denial. If you limp through Denial December on the strength of a bunch of ruined orgasms, claiming they were all “accidental” and then have the unmitigated gall to add your name to the list of successful challenge participants, here is what I think. I think you deserve a big fat asterisk next to your name just like Bonds, McGwire, and Sosa have on the single-season home run list because they used performance enhancing drugs. Sorry, not sorry.

I hope you enjoyed learning the 3 denial December secrets you never knew on this final day of Locktober 2023. Some of us thought we would never make it to this day, but here we are. I have to admit, the last day of Locktober always feels a little bittersweet to me. Especially this year, since it’s the last day I’ll be locked for Lucie, at least for a while. But with No Nut November commencing tomorrow and then Denial December looming on the horizon, none of us should shed a tear. There are lots more days of chastity left in the year.

As I’ve shared previously, I personally won’t be observing No Nut November this year. After almost six months with Lucie as my keyholder, I think doing the challenge while self-locked would just feel too sad. So, I’ll spend November wearing and reviewing my newest chastity device after taking a few days off, and searching for a new keyholder. If luck shines upon me, I’ll definitely be up for Denial December. It’s the one challenge I haven’t done before.

Whether you plan to do No Nut, Denial December, or both, good luck, and have fun.

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 31: The Keyholder’s Perspective

By Chaste on Tuesday, October 31, 2023

As I thought about what to write about on this last day of the meme, something occurred to me. The past thirty days of posts have all been from the perspective of those of us who wear chastity devices. It seemed only fair to wrap up with this 31 Days of Chastity Day 31 post by discussing chastity from the keyholder’s perspective. I hope those with a male partner who may have only recently revealed his desire for chastity will find this post helpful.

What tips and advice would you give to someone who had just recently learned a partner is interested in Chastity and is considering becoming their partner’s keyholder?

In this post, the focus is on wives or partners who want to know what they are letting themselves into before agreeing to become the chastity keyholder for their male partner. Despite what my circumstances have been and are, I won’t be discussing pro keyholders in this post.

Why Do Men Want to Wear a Chastity Device

If the guy you’re in a relationship with has recently shocked you by revealing that he wants to wear a chastity device and wants you to hold the key and enforce his chastity, you probably have a lot of questions. Why does he want this? Should you seriously consider agreeing to do what he has asked? Is this just another silly sexual kink like all the others that men are prone to ask their partner to take part in? Let’s answer these questions and then I’ll offer some tips you may find useful if you decide to grant your partner’s request.

Are you wondering why a man would ever desire having his most prized anatomical possession locked up and rendered inaccessible? It’s a fair question if you have any idea about the time and attention the average male devotes to his penis. Let’s begin here. Yes, male chastity is a thing and a surprising number of men are interested in exploring it. And the reasons so many men are interested in exploring chastity are as varied as the men themselves. But here are a few of the most common reasons.

The reason can be as simple as curiosity, and curiosity is a powerful thing. Usually, men learn about chastity and chastity devices from watching porn, reading chastity fiction, or from stumbling on a website devoted to chastity which are ubiquitous these days. Regardless of the specific source, a seed gets planted and develops in the mind. Eventually, it becomes an itch a man must scratch. Exposure to the concept of chastity and the various dynamics associated with it, for many, will start them on a journey, eventually ending with them buying and trying on a chastity cage. If he is like most men, your partner probably bought a chastity cage and experimented with it secretly long before he came to you to discuss chastity. He might not be able to articulate exactly why he wants to wear a chastity device and wants you to take part. He only knows he feels drawn to it.

Research shows that increasingly, it is oversexed males who desire to wear chastity devices. I’m not talking about men with sexual addictions, but about those who seem to want sex more often than their partners. And when they don’t get sex as often as they feel they need it, they turn to porn and masturbation to satisfy their needs. Sooner or later, many of these men come to feel they are watching too much porn and masturbating too often. A chastity device can seem like a good way to gain control over these habits.

A third reason a man might desire chastity is because he recognizes there is a submissive side of his nature that craves control. Wearing a chastity device to which his wife or partner controls the key as well as his access to sexual pleasure is one way to get the control he craves.

This isn’t an exhaustive list of every reason a man might want to wear a chastity device, but these are three very common reasons. While for some, a chastity device can be a fetish object or chastity play can be a mere kink, I think it is best not to assume that. For most guys who want chastity, it runs deeper than that.

Making a Decision

If your partner has asked you to lock up his penis, ask yourself a few questions before deciding if you should agree. Are you unhappy with how much attention he pays you now? Do you think that at least part of the problem is that he is watching too much porn? Has he admitted to you, or do you suspect he masturbates too much? Are you tired of the constant bartering for sex where he says he will do something for you (usually something he should already be doing anyway) in return for you giving him the sex he wants? Would you be willing to give up intercourse with him, at least in the short term, if you got a lot more attention from him, including him giving a lot more attention to your sexual needs and desires? Are you willing to take control of his access to sex and put forth the necessary effort toward making your relationship work in a new and exciting way? If you answered yes to these questions, you may want to consider becoming his keyholder.

Many women who know little about chastity or about what being a keyholder entails may question whether they can even do it. Others may think their partner is trying to force them to become a built in home dominatrix, something they have no interest in. I think any woman can become an effective chastity keyholder and no one should worry about having to become someone she isn’t or doesn’t want to be. Chastity keyholding isn’t rocket science. To make chastity work, all you need is a plan and a commitment to putting it in action. And here is a suggested plan.

Establish Some Ground Rules

Make it clear to your partner that chastity must be real, not some kinky game if you are to take part. Tell him it has to be a part of your relationship 24/7. Yes, it will take a few weeks to build up to 24/7 as a man’s body must adjust gradually to wearing a wearing a cage full time. But 24/7 must be the foundation if chastity is to be a positive change for the relationship. Once you begin, he cannot have any opportunity to control his sexual releases. That is an area where you must have absolute control. Warn him upfront that if he shows he isn’t serious, you will unlock him and will never considering taking part in chastity again.

There are many ways to acclimate a man to wearing a chastity device 24/7. Here is one way that is as good as any. Let him wear the device for only an hour or two the first time to make sure it fits reasonably well and doesn’t pinch his sensitive parts or cause any genuine pain. If everything seems okay, beginning on the second day, have him wear the device for four hours, every day, for a full week. Don’t allow him to skip a day. But don’t allow him to sleep wearing it yet.

Once he has worn the device for four hours a day for a full week, increase the time to eight hours a day for another full week. If that goes well, beginning the first day of the third week, have him wear the device 24/7, including sleeping while wearing it. It may take two or three nights for him to adjust to sleeping while caged, but he will get used to it.

Once he can wear the cage 24/7 for a week at a time, isn’t having chafing problems, and can sleep wearing it well enough, then you can put him on whatever schedule you wish. He should be able to wear the device indefinitely. Allow him to remove the device once each week for cleaning, after warning him not to masturbate. You may even want to supervise the shower or bath to make sure he doesn’t because he will feel tempted. As soon as he has washed his body and the device thoroughly and everything is dry, have him put it right back on. Don’t let him talk you out of it. Once he grows accustomed to 24/7, the device should never come off except for weekly cleanings, doctor’s appointments where he must undress, or when traveling by plane.

Teasing is Not Optional

Just like a relationship, chastity must have mutual rewards. Yes, at least at first, he will enjoy wearing the device and find it exciting having you controling him. That’s a reward, but he will need more of a reward than that. You must spend some time and effort teasing him. How much time is up to you. It doesn’t have to be a lot. A rule of thumb I once heard that sounds reasonable is five minutes of teasing each day always beats 30 minutes of teasing once a week.

Teasing is no mystery either and requires no special skills. You already know the things that your partner likes, what turns him on. The things that arouse him and put a smile on his face. The challenge is, with his penis locked inside a cage, it won’t be available. Well, unless you want to remove it temporarily or use a vibrator against the cage to provide a little stimulation and that’s very effective.

Often, you may find the things he likes don’t interest you that much, but he is making a sacrifice by relinquishing control over his prized possession, and you, too, must make some minor sacrifices. In time, it may surprise you that things you like him to do for you (e.g., massages, back rubs, feet rubs, etc.) will also serve as effective teasing for your partner.

Don’t worry too much about the teasing. It will soon become second nature for you and needn’t take up a lot of your time. Just know it’s important. Without teasing, your partner’s arousal will quickly plateau and he will become moody or even depressed and he may start pestering you to unlock him frequently. You don’t want that. Avoid the plateau. If you feel you need some teasing tips, I recommend reading this blog, https://myboyinchastityblog.wordpress.com/ Given the way WordPress blogs work, you will arrive at the latest post. I recommend you don’t start there but keep paging down until you arrive at the very beginning. Then you can follow one wife’s experience in learning how to become her husband’s keyholder and leaning the ropes. She knew absolutely nothing about male chastity when her husband first asked her to lock him up.

How Long Should You Keep Him Locked?

This is probably one of the first questions new Keyholders ask. So, let’s talk about how long you should keep him locked once he can wear the device comfortably 24/7 for a week or more at a time. I would say keep him locked at least three weeks, but four is better to start. Then escalate the time, a week or two at a time until you reach three months of continuous wear without release. Whatever time you set, NEVER give him the date you intend to unlock him, and NEVER let him persuade you to unlock him earlier than you intended.

This may sound cruel, but it isn’t. Both of you will get the most positive benefits from chastity when you keep him on a strict schedule of your choosing. It will soon become his new normal, and trust me, he will learn to love it. He may tell you how badly he needs release and beg you to unlock him. Not only should you say no whenever he does this, forbid him from begging or asking when you will unlock him. You can enforce this by threatening to add another week on top of the date you had intended. The threat of extra time locked should stop his inappropriate behavior. If he becomes irritable and continues asking you to unlock him, assume he isn’t serious about chastity. Unlock him, and tell him not to bring it up again. Never forget, you are doing him a real kindness by agreeing to take part in chastity. Chastity should never make your life harder. Don’t put up with bad behavior.

What’s In It for You?

Earlier I said just like a relationship, chastity should have mutual benefits. We talked about benefits for him. Now let’s talk about the benefits you should expect from locking your man in chastity.

From personal experience, I can attest chastity puts a stop to the masturbation and changes a man in many ways. It changes his mood, behavior, and libido. Most importantly, it changes his desire to please his partner. You will probably find that he will voluntarily take on extra responsibilities at home, like doing the cooking, cleaning, or doing the laundry. Every guy is different, so no guarantees. But you may find it happening, even if not routinely.

This often happens because a man’s sexual energy continues building when he no longer can release sexual tension through masturbation whenever he pleases. So, often, a man will divert that excess sexual energy towards pleasing you by doing things he believes make life easier for you.

Also, as the sole the source of your partner’s access to sexual pleasure, his feelings toward you will probably change in positive ways. He will adore you, love you in ways focused on your desires, and will feel eager to please you. Over time, he will feel happier because you are happier.

Keeping your man in chastity can improve your relationship as long as you have a solid relationship to start with. Over time, even in good relationships, couples may feel a decline in excitement and romantic feelings. Feelings of restlessness or dissatisfaction with one’s partner or the relationship in general can result. It can feel more like a friendship than a romance. Chastity can help in these circumstances and can help breathe new excitement and romance into the relationship. But it is important to note that chastity is not magic. Putting your man in chastity will never fix a bad relationship. You need a solid foundation to start with.

Hopefully, if you’re a new keyholder and are considering your partner’s request to lock him in chastity, you will find these tips and suggestions useful.

We made it. We’ve arrived at the end of Locktober 2023 and the meme. I hope everyone had a successful and fun Locktober. I also hope visitors to this blog enjoyed the 31 Days of Chastity Meme series. According to the stats, some posts seemed to interest visitors more than others, but site visits over the month were up and remarkably steady. I know writing the daily posts was an enjoyable diversion for me and helped me get through another Locktober. Sure, at times, it felt a little like a slog knowing I had to write and publish a post every single day, especially those days I didn’t feel excited about it. But I felt determined to complete the entire meme on this, my second attempt at doing so. Thanks to everyone for reading and supporting the blog. I really appreciate it.

mail call

Male Call: Chastity Related Questions October 2023

By Chaste on Monday, October 30, 2023

Welcome to another edition of mail call where I give my best answers to chastity related questions blog readers have sent me. When a question is specific to the person who asks it, I respond by email. But when I get the same question from more than one reader or it’s something I think might apply to others, I answer the questions here during mail call.

Here are questions I’ve received during the past month from readers. I’m always happy to get your questions and hope you find my answers useful.

Ever thought about being a keyholder yourself?

I received this question from three different readers during the past month, and I actually get this question often. No one asking has ever identified their sexual orientation. But to be fair, everyone has only asked whether I’ve ever thought about becoming a keyholder myself in this generic sense. They haven’t asked me if I’d consider becoming their keyholder, so sexual orientation isn’t really germane. And frankly, sexual orientation wouldn’t be an issue, anyway.

I’m sure there are plenty of guys who might be open to having another male as their keyholder, whether they identify as straight, gay, or bisexual. And they probably wouldn’t care how the keyholder identified either.

A friend I have on Fetlife who is gay once asked me if I’d consider keyholding for him, and he knows I’m het. I considered it briefly because he’s a great guy I have lots in common with and enjoy having as a friend and conversing with regularly. Like me, he prefers having a remote keyholder and was having trouble finding one since he specifically was looking for a male keyholder. Ultimately, I decided against it for two reasons.

As said, I am straight. Please don’t hate me for my hetness. It’s just the way I am and I can’t do anything about it. I’ve known pretty much since puberty that I wasn’t gay because I’ve always felt such a strong sexual attraction to females. I love every single thing about a woman’s body and that’s what turns me on. But there was a time in my life I sort of wished I was bisexual.

The idea of men having sex with men has never been something I found weird or unnatural, and obviously bisexual men get to enjoy a much wider experience of their sexuality than I do as a straight guy. And like many other men, I’ve something fantasized about sexual scenarios involving men, but I never acted on it. I never explored bisexuality, mostly because no opportunities presented themselves and I never actively sought such opportunities. But I tried exploring it after a fashion through watching guy on guy porn.

What I discovered was I simply feel no sexual attraction to other men. Watching guys having sex with each other is interesting on many levels, but it just doesn’t arouse me. I can look at an attractive guy and appreciate that he is an attractive human being, but it doesn’t produce any desire to have sex with him. But show me an attractive woman and it’s a whole different story.

That’s a long lead in to the first reason I declined the opportunity to key hold for my friend. I love having him as a friend, but I’m not attracted to him sexually and except for relationships with pro keyholders, I think the sexual bit is an important part of the whole dynamic. The lack of sexual tension, I believe, would have made keyholding for my friend less than an enjoyable experience for both of us. For example, I wouldn’t have enjoyed teasing him and making his dick get hard and strain inside his cage because it just wouldn’t have turned me on.

Here is the other reason. During my salad days in the BDSM community, I believed I was a dominant, and I had relationships with several submissive women. I knew how to behave as a Dom and I had technical skills. All those women saw me as a Dom and I think we all had some great experiences together. But whenever I had been with a submissive woman for a few months, my interest in dominating her always waned. And soon what was supposed to be a D/s relationship became indistinguishable from a vanilla boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Then the relationship would end because that wasn’t what she was looking for. She wanted a Dom who dominated her.

After a while and a lot of soul searching, I came to understand something. I wasn’t a Dom. Actually, I had more of a submissive streak and had always known how powerfully I felt attracted to the dominant women I met in the community. So, I hadn’t dominated the submissive women I’d been in relationships with. I had only topped for them until I grew bored with it. I’m sure I would have felt the same way in short order had I agreed to key hold for my friend. That’s because I don’t want someone to submit to my control because my nature is submitting to the control of someone else. In the end, I would have grown bored with keyholding for him and he wouldn’t have got the experience he wanted and deserved.

So, for those who may have wondered, yes, I have thought about becoming a keyholder. But I never have because I know I’m not suited for it. It wouldn’t be enjoyable for me or for the other person. A man has to understand his limitations.

I have the Kink3D Cobra N like you, and while I really like it, also like you, I’d love to try the Baby. But I just can’t justify the spend. What have you got instead of the Baby and do you like it?

This is another question I get frequently. I’ll answer it here, but with two caveats. Since I have never held a Kink3D Baby Cobra in my hot little hand, I can only offer my best guess on how the similar device I bought instead of the Baby stacks up. And, because of Locktober and Lucie’s wishes, I have only worn my alternative device for about twenty minutes, and that’s not a fair evaluation on which to base a valid comparison. That will change in about a week when I will give my new device, the Hera XS from The House of Denial, a proper wear test for a review. But here is my best guess.

Comparing the Cobra sizing advice published on the Kink3D website with the actual Hera measurements published on the House of Denial Website, I believe the Hera XS (extra small) model is probably very close to the same size as the Cobra Baby. But that’s only an informed guess. Still, I know the Hera XS is tiny, and forces my flaccid penis to turtle. I’m a fan of that, so I really love the fit.

As many of those who wrote to me stated, I would love getting a Kink3D Baby (if only to make a side-by-side comparison in my case). But like them, I just can’t justify the spend. As fine a device as the Cobra Baby may be, to me and it seems a lot of other guys it just isn’t worth $160. Since I already own a Cobra and have a base ring, I could order just the Baby cage, but I’m not even willing to spend the $120 required to get it.

Look, I get it. Kink3D is a private company. They have every right to charge whatever they want for their products and make as much profit as they can. I can afford to pay their prices, but I choose not to. Kink3D deserves to make a reasonable profit. They aren’t entitled to take advantage of their customers.

The Cobra is an excellent, high-quality device. But it’s a non-custom, off-the-shelf device that has already been widely copied. I would feel less guilt about buying a Cobra knock off than I’d feel buying a copy of virtually any other chastity device. That’s because the genuine 3D printed Cobra copies sell at tons of online sites for between $35 to $40. I don’t blame anyone who buys one of those inexpensive copies instead of forking over from $160 to $200 for a Kink3D original.

The Cobra has been one of the most successful chastity devices ever made, mostly because Kink3D got in on the ground floor of 3D-printed devices. 3D printers aren’t cheap, so it’s obvious the company wanted to recover the initial investment and start turning a profit as soon as possible. But I suspect they have long since recovered the original investment and the company now focuses on making as much profit as possible while the Cobra remains at the height of popularity.

Recently, Kink3D introduced the Fusion Pink model with the promise of more colors to come. And they boosted the price of the new colored models across the board by $40 and, depending on size, they go for $200 to $240. That adds more evidence to my maximum profit theory.

I have to believe that, eventually, Cobra prices will come down once everyone who wants a Cobra and will overpay for one gets a Cobra. Or in some cases, all the different Cobra models they want and are willing to pay for. Chastity and chastity devices are certainly more popular than ever, yet the number of guys into chastity still represents a tiny fraction of the total male population. In other words, it’s a limited market. Limited markets reach saturation. Kink3D won’t continue selling chastity devices at the current prices forever. So, I’m content to wait until prices fall to buy another Cobra, which they inevitably will. Until then, I’m jumping on the Hera train.

What I can tell you factually about the 3D-printed Hera, made exclusively for the House of Denial, is the quality of the device is every bit as good as that of the Cobra. The devices look similar at first blush, but there are significant differences. The Hera is not a copy of the Cobra. It’s an original design that in some respects is superior to the Cobra. One thing I love is the Hera’s much more generously sized urine outlet. And during my brief wear test, it seemed the gap of the Hera (distance between the base ring and cage) fit me much better than that of my Cobra N.

I like the Hera so much, I’ve already ordered the Hera S (small), the size I believe corresponds to the Cobra N, and this time I ordered a white one. I hope to get an accessory for my Hera soon similar to the Kink3D Cobra “Airlock” that allows you to use plastic, numbered locks directly on the cage and I know the House of Denial team is already working on that.

I saved $40 by buying the Hera XS instead of the Kink3D Baby. And I paid $50 less for the Hera S than the cost of my Cobra N. Extra Hera base rings are $10 cheaper than the Kink3D price, and you can buy just the Hera cages separately for $90, regardless of size. The larger the Hera you need for your size, the more you will save over a comparable Cobra model, since the Cobra price increase with each step up from the smallest to largest size. The Hera always costs the same, regardless of cage size.

Remember, the House of Denial is a UK company, so shipping cuts into your savings a little if you live outside the UK. I think I paid about $10 for the standard shipping, which isn’t much. And Kink3D charges for shipping too, though it’s a little less since they are a U.S. company. The bottom line is the Hera is a viable alternative to the Cobra, and costs less.

Like you, I prefer remote keyholders. You write so many wonderful things about Lucie. Why all the secrecy? Good remote keyholders are hard to find and I’d love to try her keyholding service. Can’t you tell me how to contact her or at least share how you found her?

Since I first introduced Lucie to blog readers, I consistently get questions similar to this one. It’s true. Lucie is amazing. She is the sixth remote keyholder I’ve used, and without doubt, the best keyholder I’ve ever had. Lucie is a professional. She runs her own business, both in real life and online, and she has a website that features her keyholding services. So, I’m not keeping her secret in a selfish attempt to keep her all to myself. Since I first met her, Lucie has been keyholding for lots of other guys, including her in real life boyfriend. I’ve never had her all to myself. Not even close. I gave her the pseudonym and don’t advertise her website on the blog because that’s how Lucie wants it. She has all the business she wants.

Lucie is a perfectionist and always aims to provide perfect keyholding services. Part of that in her view means limiting the number of guys she holds keys for at any given time. I respect that so much because obviously the more guys she takes on, the more money she could make. That shows Lucie isn’t just about the money. She actually enjoys dominating men and keeping them locked. Frankly, when I found her website, I just got lucky because she just happened to have an opening when I contacted her and applied. So, even if I had given out the link to her website as many have asked me to do, chances are she would have already had all the business she wanted already and wouldn’t have been available. Lucie gets a lot of repeat business and guys tend to stay with her once they find her.

It’s moot anyway at this point because, as I’ve shared, Lucie is stepping away from her online keyholding business for a while to recharge. She told me she has done this often in the past when she has felt burned out and isn’t enjoying keyholding the way she wants. And she says sometimes she doesn’t pick it back up for six months or even a year. So, Lucie won’t be available for the foreseeable future to anyone, not even to me.

I will share how I found her, because that was down to luck as well. I frequently do web searches for online keyholding just to stay abreast of what is available. But even though Lucie has had a website for a long while, not once did it ever come up in any of my searches. One day, almost six months ago, I was perusing a chastity thread on Reddit that I follow off and on, and that’s where I found the link to Lucie’s website. The rest, as they say, is history. Checking out the chastity threads on Reddit isn’t a bad place to look for a keyholder. I’ve talked to several guys who found their keyholders on Reddit.

Believe me, I fully understand how difficult it is to find a good remote keyholder, especially at a reasonable price. I’ve searched since last week for a potential replacement for Lucie since I know I don’t want to go six months or a year without a keyholder while Lucie is on sabbatical. I’ve noticed several things.

First, there aren’t nearly as many professionals offering online keyholding since the pandemic ended. Most pro dommes are now focusing on the more lucrative in person sessions. The last two I reached out to that still listed remote keyholding on their websites didn’t even bother to reply. I suspect they don’t do it anymore and just haven’t updated their websites.

The second thing I’ve noticed is professional dommes who do still offer remote keyholding have increased the price of tributes significantly. I’ve seen many who expect $300 to $500 per month. Lucie asked for significantly less than the smaller end of that scale, even when we first started and I was paying the standard rates. And where Lucie gives personalized teasing and lots of it, those charging the $300 to $500 per month promise only to do daily check ins and to send you an occasional text, email, or sexy photo. That’s the extent of the teasing they offer. If you want more than that, you must pay by the minute for video or Skype calls and that gets expensive quickly.

Finally, the third thing I’ve noticed is most of the professionals offering remote keyholding have migrated to the fan sites like Loyal Fans, Only Fans, etc. Some of those I’ve looked at seem legitimate pro dommes. But on those sites, tributes are the name of the game. These women won’t waste their time on guys who don’t consistently pony up the tributes.

Many of them offer remote keyholding at weekly or monthly tribute rates. But then they will nickel and dime you to death for supplementary tributes along the way and also probably pressure you to buy their video clips or stuff off their various gift lists. One woman I talked to who seems professional and very knowledgeable about chastity keyholding and tease and denial told me she expects daily tributes for her time from men she key holds for and requires them to pay the monthly subscription fee to access the premium content on her fan’s page. I could imagine you might spend as much or more than what the true professional dommes charge via their own websites.

I have no problem paying tributes for professional keyholding. Realistically, it is the only way to serve a distant keyholder online. And, I’m not cheap. I don’t haggle over the prices and I always tip generously for great service over and above the agreed tribute amount. But I have in mind the maximum price I’m willing to pay and it doesn’t approach $300 to $500 a month.

Well, there you have my answer to the questions about Lucie, plus I’m throwing in the extra bit about the difficulty of finding a good remote keyholder at a fair price, all at no extra cost.

That’s concludes this edition of mail call. Have a chastity related question you can’t find an answer to? Send it to me and I’ll try to answer it for you.

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 30: Letting You Out

By Chaste on Monday, October 30, 2023

In the original 30-day chastity meme created by Saskia Zenn for Tickleberry.co.uk, the prompt for 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 30 is a “freestyle day.” So, today I’ve chosen the topic for this post.

Okay, the padlock is off now. Write about any Chastity related subject you like. Or create a list of chastity related things.

I’ve chosen to write about a chastity related subject instead of creating a list. And what could be more chastity related than a discussion of chastity devices? Specifically, I’ll share which device I’m buying next.

As I’ve mentioned, I recently bought the Hera XS (extra small) chastity device from House of Denial, the new 3D printed device that is part of the company’s exclusive Olympus collection. I won’t get to give the device a proper wear test until Locktober ends, but based on the aesthetics and wearing it for a short time after receiving it, I’m confident I will love the device. Assuming I love it as much as I expect I will, I’m already planning to buy a second Hera as my next device.

I felt torn when selecting my first Hera. While I really liked the white color, I ended up going with black, hoping I could use my black “Airlock” accessory with it. As it turned out, I couldn’t, but I do like the black color which is the same shade as the Kink3D Cobra. I mention that because on the House of Denial website, the color appears more of a dark gray, but it’s not. It’s black. Anyway, since I already have the black one, I will get the white Hera next.

Besides a different color, I’m also ordering a different size and will try the Hera S (small), the next size up from the Hera XS. As best I can tell from comparing the Kink3D sizing guide with the Hera measurements on the House to Denial website, I believe the Hera XS is comparable to the Cobra Baby and the Hera S is similar in size to the Cobra N.

While I’m partial to cages that are significantly shorter than my flaccid penis length and love the Hera XS fit, I also like the fit of my slightly longer Cobra N. That’s why I’m trying the Hera S next.

While the end of Locktober always feels a little bittersweet, I won’t mind it so much this year because I’m really looking forward to giving the Hera a test drive. Expect my review around mid-November.

While the original Tickleberry chastity meme is 30 days long, since I’ve used the meme for the 31-day Locktober 2023, I will post 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 31 tomorrow, the last day of this year’s Locktober. It’s another free day since there is no prompt. I’m kicking around a couple of different topic ideas and since I hadn’t decided before publishing today’s post, tune in again tomorrow if you want to see what I write about.

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 29: Fun and Games

By Chaste on Sunday, October 29, 2023

Sure, chastity is all about serving and suffering for your keyholder, but it should also be about fun. If it wasn’t fun for those of us who embrace chastity, few of us would probably want to continue wearing a device locked on our genitals. Today, the service and suffering takes a back seat as the 31 Days of Chastity Day 29 prompt spotlights the fun and games aspect of chastity.

What is your favorite Chastity Game? What does it involve, and how often do you play it?

Chastity games might cause some to think we’re talking about people who only practice chastity for brief periods to spice up things in the bedroom with a little kink. But fun and games are just as much a part of the chastity lifestyle.

I’ve read about many chastity games couples have created using things like dice and playing cards to introduce randomness to their play. And my favorite chastity game, which Lucie introduced to me, uses a pair of six-sided dice. Lucie has me roll the dice and then I have to perform the number of edges corresponding to the total of the two dice using a wand vibrator against my cage. What varies is how often she requires me to roll the dice.

Sometimes, when she is giving me other teasing assignments, she only makes me roll the dice once a day, using the edges to spike my arousal. Other times, she requires “all day edges” where I only roll a single die, but must roll once every hour from the time I wake until I go to bed, performing the number of edges every hour the roll dictates. And occasionally, she will require me to roll the dice and edge two or three times during a single day.

I enjoy this game for several reasons. The randomness appeals to me. And I just plain enjoy doing the edges since when I’m locked it is the closest thing to sexual pleasure I usually get. Of course, I suffer for the fun after doing the edges because it always leaves me not only horny but insanely frustrated. Still, it’s all good fun. The edging keeps my arousal peaking and the dopamine dripping. And the edging also often makes other assignments Lucie gives more fun and arousing than they would otherwise be.

The dice games are simple, but I always enjoy it when Lucie assigns them. I get a little pleasure and Lucie gets the suffering she enjoys so much.

Only two days left in the meme and Locktober 2023. 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 30 features a topic of my choosing. Check back tomorrow if you want to see what is.

Okay, the padlock’s off now. Write about any Chastity related subject you like. Or create a list of chastity related things.

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 28: Ooh… Suit You!

By Chaste on Saturday, October 28, 2023

You’re not alone if you didn’t get the title today, “Ooh… Suit You!” I didn’t either. Turns out it is a reference to a sketch, “Oh… Suit You Sir!” from a once popular British comedy, The Fast Show. The show aired on television from 1994 to 1997. I had never heard of it. Anyway, after dispensing with that useless bit of trivia, the 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 28 prompt concerns whether stealth is a factor in chastity device wear.

How do you keep your device discreet under clothing? Any embarrassing moments at airports, etc?

I am not one to flaunt it when wearing a chastity device. How well a device lends itself to stealth is one factor I consider when choosing one. That’s one reason I prefer compact devices that have cages a good bit shorter than the length of my flaccid penis and that, by design, follow the usual drop contour of a hanging flaccid penis. The device I’m wearing for Locktober, the Kink3D Cobra N, fits the bill perfectly. It’s super compact, and the cage has a definite downward tilt and nestles comfortably against the scrotum. Most of the cages I regularly wear all do the same. My newest acquisition, the Hera by House of Denial, fits similarly to the Cobra N and meets my stealth requirement.

Besides choosing stealthy cage designs, my clothing plays a role. My clothing styles have not changed since I got in to wearing chastity devices. I have always preferred comfort over style and wear “relaxed fit” type jeans, slacks, and shorts. I always wear loose fitting cotton athletic shorts to the gym. The style isn’t exactly baggy, but there is plenty of looseness in the fit that clothing does not print the chastity device against the fabric. I wear a chastity device everywhere I go with no concerns that people will notice it. I assume no one ever has since I’ve noticed no one glancing at my crotch with an expression of puzzlement.

This topic reminded me of an online article I came across a while back, “Why Do Men Wear a Chastity Device and How to Spot Them.” According to the author, here is how can you tell whether a guy is wearing a chastity belt (UK terminology for a cock cage) without undressing him.

His jeans are way too baggy.
He’s edgy and seems to have ants in his pants.
He’s not a hug bug.
He needs his privacy in the men’s room.
His trousers are spot-on (reference to leaking semen).
He’s practically champing at the bit to see his lady.
He’s putty in the hands of his keyholder.
His performance has improved recently (increased productivity).

Not sure whether this is meant to be tongue-in-cheek. Tight clothing avoidance, wanting extra men’s room privacy, and increased productivity might be accurate, but the rest are pretty silly. So I can’t say I believe this article offers any real tips for spotting a guy wearing a chastity device. All I know is I take active steps to prevent flaunting that I’m wearing one. Part of it is because I am a private person and I also believe it is unethical to involve other people in my kinks without their consent. But I am aware there are guys who flaunt it and hope people notice they are wearing a chastity cage.

Another online article I read recently, “The Men Who Wear Chastity Cages to the Gym,” is all about guys who don’t bother hiding their cages. These guys purposely wear tight fitting athletic clothing while doing bench presses face up with their legs spread, flaunt the device in locker room while changing or showering, and some even snap a few photos to share on social media. I can’t pretend to understand the motivation, but many of these guys readily admit they want others to see they are wearing a chastity cage. I can only assume they are seeking to satisfy an exhibitionism paraphilia or seeking erotic humiliation. But it’s not really my thing.

Since I keep my device wear discrete intentionally, I have never had an embarrassing incident at an airport, the gym, or anywhere else. And again, that’s not an experience I would seek or enjoy.

Fun and games will be the subject of tomorrow’s 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 29.

What is your favorite Chastity Game? What does it involve, and how often do you play it?

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 27: Well It’s Not Going to Lick Itself Is It?

By Chaste on Friday, October 27, 2023

The prompt for today’s 31 Days of Chastity Meme is another one that has no application for me. It’s aimed at those fortunate enough to have a wife or other romantic partner as their keyholder. Still, serving a keyholder is an interesting topic to talk about, so I’m going with it.

How do you like to serve? What ways of serving your keyholder really turn you on?

In the chastity blogs I follow regularly, the curators often share about the ways they serve their keyholders. Of the four blogs I enjoy most, men curate three of them and a dominant woman the fourth. The men all have a wife as their keyholder and the woman enforces her husband’s chastity. It shouldn’t surprise anyone then that the services rendered and received by these bloggers are almost singularly focused on sexual service.

I can’t recall any of the guys ever sharing stories about doing house cleaning or laundry, completing “honey do” lists, or running errands for their wives, things that could make their spouse’s life easier. Maybe some of this goes on, but we can’t know that since none of these guys ever talk about it. Maybe it’s because they think that writing about performing household chores as acts of service to their keyholder wives is too mundane and assume other guys in to chastity would much rather hear about the sexual side of things. Interesting, the woman blogger is the same. She only writes about her husband’s sexual acts of service.

Look, I get it. I suppose I have to admit I prefer reading about the sex too, much more than I would enjoy a guy relating the story of how he washed and detailed his wife’s car last weekend as an act of unselfish service. And hearing from the woman how her locked and sexually denied husband eagerly performs cunnilingus on her on command and gives her intercourse until she orgasms while restraining himself also makes for great reading.

One male blogger in particular enjoys telling how much his wife loves him giving her penetrative sex while he wears a strap on harness with a large, realistic and “real skin” feeling dildo belted on above his chastity cage. She even seems to prefer the more generously sized dildo so much to his smaller penis that she no longer allows him to ever use it for intercourse anymore. Yes, I love these stories. After all, isn’t putting your partner’s sexual desires and needs above your own really what chastity is all about?

I’m not ashamed to admit how much I truly envy all the guys from these blogs, having the opportunity to service their wives sexually as much as their wives want and whenever they want. And while they remain locked in a chastity device with no opportunity to feel any stimulation or have orgasms themselves. But when you think about it, all these stories I read on those blogs really sound much more like the fantasy side of chastity than the reality side of chastity.

Yes, unselfish and unreciprocated sexual service is a valid way of serving a keyholder who wants it. But when you think about how much this all connects with the male chastity fantasy, you must admit that these guys are getting exactly what they want out of the deal too, aren’t they? It doesn’t require much imagination for me to visualize how amazing it must be serving your keyholder this way. Hearing her moan and then feeling her writhe beneath you as she orgasms. Yes, I don’t find it hard at all to imagine how my caged penis would swell and strain inside the cage the entire time, and how it would make me feel so insanely horny. It all sounds massively appealing.

These guys aren’t getting orgasms, but aren’t they receiving sexual pleasure in just the way they want it? So, how unselfish is it, really? And who is serving who? I just think there has to be more to serving a keyholder than just the sexual part.

For those of us who don’t have a wife or partner as a keyholder and who look to professionals to enforce our chastity, serving sexually isn’t an option. Sometimes guys who do regular in call sessions with a professional domme get opportunities to serve them. Maybe the domme lets them buy her things, or she allows them to do chores for her around her home.

One professional dominatrix I know told me one of her clients often comes to her house and cooks gourmet meals for her. But serving a pro domme sexually is rarely if ever in the mix. Part of the allure of seeing a dominatrix is she is the unattainable woman, a woman who would never have sex with you under any circumstance. And pro dommes want to preserve this. The vast majority of them would never have sex with a client, even if she felt an attraction for him. So, when a pro allows it, a client can only serve her in other ways and only in ways she allows him to serve her.

I’ve never booked an in call with a pro domme. I’ve thought about doing it sometimes, but never have. Not saying I never will do, but so far I have only interacted remotely with pro dommes for keyholding services. That makes serving your keyholder even more difficult. You can’t drop by her house to do landscaping, clean her bathroom, or to drop off her dry cleaning. My current keyholder lives in Europe and I live in the States. I’ve been to Europe many times, but I don’t go there regularly. So, I have no opportunity to serve Lucie in any physical way. That doesn’t mean I don’t serve her at all. I just serve Lucie in ways compatible with the reality of our circumstances.

The primary way I serve Lucie is by giving her financial tributes in respect for the time and effort she devotes to enforcing my chastity and teasing me so that I enjoy the experience of her keeping me locked. The tributes are actually modest compared to those required by other professionals I’ve had as keyholders in the past. And as much of herself as Lucie puts into the keyholding services she provides, she should charge a lot more than she does. That’s why I always add a generous tip to the tributes she asks for. I would feel cheap not to.

The fact is, offering financial tributes is the only actual way you can serve a distance keyholder. It’s the only way you can make her life better, which should always be every locked guy’s goal. I have done a few other things for Lucie that I could do online, and was happy for the opportunities. I have also served her by performing the tasks she assigns me to the best of my ability. And that form of service has turned me on the most. But financial tributes remain the only actual option for me to serve her in any meaningful way. And you can believe me when I say Lucie has been worth every penny. She has given me the most satisfying chastity experience I have ever had. And I will sorely miss it when our arrangement ends.

Wow! We’re almost at the end of the 31 Days of Chastity Meme series. Only four days and four posts remain. The prompt for tomorrow’s 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 28 is:

How do you keep your device discreet under clothing? Any embarrassing moments at airports, etc?

no nut november

Is It Too Soon to Talk About No Nut November?

By Chaste on Thursday, October 26, 2023

With five days left to go in Locktober 2023, is it too soon to talk about No Nut November? I imagine some guys will go straight into NNN from Locktober. The true over-achievers may even aim for the trifecta by doing Denial December after that, cumulatively a solid 92 days of chastity bliss. Well, okay, since you insist, let’s talk about No Nut November 2023.

For the benefit of those who may have recently emigrated from Indonesia where even today most locals do not have internet access, I’ll begin with what No Nut November is and then give a little of the history behind it. If you’re not from Indonesia and have had internet access since 2017, you can probably skip straight to the history section because you likely already know all about the No Nut challenge.

No Nut November, often abbreviated NNN, is an annual male sexual abstinence challenge that takes place during the month of November. For the full month, men attempt to refrain from sex, masturbation, and ejaculation of semen to complete the challenge successfully.

“Bust a nut,” as defined by Urban Dictionary, is “a slang term used in place of the more ‘correct’ term for ejaculation. The term originated from when sperm would bust from the testicles (nuts).” Hence the challenge title, No Nut November. NNN appeared on the web in 2011 and then rapidly gained popularity around 2017, thanks to social media.

NNN is almost an identical challenge to Locktober with similar rules. The primary difference is NNN doesn’t specifically incorporate the use of chastity devices as Locktober does, though today many NNN participants do wear chastity devices during the challenge.

Despite its similarity to Locktober, NNN isn’t as well received by the general public as Locktober. That’s because many associate NNN with the NoFap movement, which they view negatively and often connect it (incorrectly) with the Incel community, widely deemed misogynistic.

Also, E. J. Dickson, a Rolling Stones senior writer who covers internet culture, once charged that the “far right” had co-opted the challenge and urged her left-leaning readers not to take part. For fuck’s sake. Must Marxists make every fucking thing about politics?

Anyway, after Dickson noticed an obscure Republican politician had tweeted support for No Nut November, she sounded her “the far right has co-opted No Nut November” alarm. Many other left-cleaning publications, as good little apparatchiks do, fell immediately in line and shrilly trashed NNN as a dastardly fascist plot. They sensed NNN threatened not only democracy but the very notion of sexual liberty and would undoubtedly lead to a resurgence of puritanical sexual customs and conventions, which the right wingers would once again force upon the masses.

Unlike E. J. Dickson and her fellow travelers, I don’t fear No Nut November is a right-wing Jedi trick aimed at dragging us kicking and screaming back into the Victorian era. I regard it as the same type of innocuous fun that Locktober is for those of us who enjoy chastity devices and orgasm denial. So, say “fuck off” to E. J. Dickson, the Marxist rag she writes for, and her commie pals and take part in NNN if you want and help make No Nut November great again.

You can find many sites on the web that publish a lengthy list of rules people should follow during No Nut November. Allow me to summarize them for those who may be interested in taking part this year. Bro, don’t nut in November. Other than that, do you what you want and have fun.

If you failed Locktober, don’t despair. No Nut November is a chance at redemption and it’s even a whole day shorter. For those who pass the Locktober challenge successfully, NNN is a chance to really test your mettle by seeing if you can survive another thirty days straight without a sexual release.

I have done both Locktober and No Nut November back-to-back before, but I don’t plan to observe NNN this year. Since Lucie is taking a sabbatical to recharge, I plan to take about a week off to let things return to normal lengths and to experience normal nocturnal erections again. Then, I’ll lock up for the Hera device wear test. I’ll probably spend November looking for a new keyholder and have a few candidates in mind. If I strike a deal in time, who knows? Maybe I’ll be down for Denial December.