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male chastity

What Is So Fascinating About Normalization of Male Chastity?

By on Friday, September 30, 2022

A recent industry survey I saw recently says that male chastity devices (combination of full belts and cock cages) ranked third globally in a current list of the top five most popular sex toys. That suggests normalization of male chastity is underway. In other words, male chastity is practiced more widely and becoming more mainstream and less of a kink activity or taboo. That’s a good thing, right? Or is it? Today’s topic is about what I find so fascinating about the normalization of male chastity.

Here on the eve of Locktober 2022, I’m contemplating a spirited discussion I read last night in the forums at Chastity Mansion. Just from what I’ve seen on social media and the number of visitors this website and others devoted to discussing male chastity get daily, I’ve felt for a long while now that male chastity is becoming increasingly normal. Once relegated to the kink community, the practice of male chastity is less taboo. More individual guys and couples who might otherwise consider themselves more vanilla than kinky have embraced chastity devices. Without giving it much thought, I suppose my default position has always been the more normal and mainstream male chastity becomes, the better. So, reading some opinions in the forum discussion surprised me. There were many guys who weighed in on the discussion that felt that normalization of male chastity was a negative. Here’s why.

Male Chastity as a Kink or Taboo

For many, viewing male chastity through the lens of kink or taboo is an important part of their enjoyment of the experience. For some, it’s the most important part of it. These guys feel if a guy locking up his cock becomes normal, they may lose interest in doing it.

On one level, I can understand this. Different guys have different motivations for wearing a chastity device. As an example, submissive guys see it as a satisfying submissive act.

There are also guys who are into kinky activities like SPH and cuckolding. If you fetishize shrinking your penis and entertain the illusion that wearing a cock cage permanently shrinks your peen (which it doesn’t, actually) then your interest in chastity may be mostly a satisfaction of your kink.

The same is true of those who combine wearing a chastity device as an integral part of engaging in cuckolding or their enjoyment of being on the receiving end of pegging.

Even guys who wear a chastity device to work or other public spaces because it makes them feel a little naughty knowing that they secretly are wearing a device beneath their clothing are approaching chastity from a kink perspective. Often, they may enjoy fantasizing about what people they encounter in public or the workplace would think or say if they only knew. Nothing wrong with any of that, of course.

But there are many guys and couples these days who don’t embrace chastity because they are interested in breaking taboo or satisfying a kink. And there is nothing wrong with that either. I count myself as part of that group.

Vanilla Male Chastity Perspective

It’s probably a safe assumption that those of us who embrace chastity from a more vanilla point of view are those who are the most enthusiastic about the normalization of chastity. And why our reasons might not be exactly the same, I think some commonalities exist. Here are two reasons I think normalization of male chastity is a positive.

Male Chastity Benefits Women

While many men may initially find having a partner locking their cocks attractive because it satisfies a fairly common male fantasy, I believe strongly that women gain more benefits from locking their partners in a chastity device than the men wearing the devices do. Sure, there are benefits for both. I just think there are more benefits for women. So, the more common it becomes in our society for men to wear chastity devices, the less weird or disgusting ordinary women will find it. To a significant degree, fear of being judged negatively by their partners is the main reason so many men find it difficult, if not impossible, to tell their partners they want to be locked. The more normalized male chastity becomes, the less this will be a problem.

There is a femdom blogger I’ve followed for a while now whose writing I find brilliant. Not only is she massively intelligent, she is also deliciously kinky and expresses her thoughts wonderfully. Honestly, I have a shameless crush on her, though of course I wouldn’t dream of contacting her to admit it. But she recently wrote something that disappointed me.

She stated that it’s a well-known fact that men vastly exaggerate how beneficial male chastity is for women. With all due respect, that simply isn’t true. Frankly, I think it’s impossible to overestimate how much locking her partner benefits a woman. I can only assume the blogger, while she has lots of experience with submissive men within the framework of female led D/s relationships, hasn’t much experience with male chastity or she wouldn’t hold the opinion she does. At least not long-term, 24/7 chastity experience. I’ve communicated with too many women who lock their partners, and have read too many books and blogs by women that extol the benefits for women from male chastity that I know those benefits are not exaggerated. And I believe more women should get those benefits, ordinary women. Not just femdom women or those on the kinky end of the sexual spectrum.

Male Chastity Benefits Men

The same blogger wrote in the same post that men are not ruled by their libidos, not in the sense that their sex drive is anything like a life-sustaining drive to satisfy hunger by getting food. The presumption is men don’t need to wear chastity devices to control their libidos. They just don’t try to control their urges for sexual gratification. Again, I respectfully disagree with her opinion, but I don’t fault her or respect her any less for having it.

The truth is, as a woman, even as a dominant woman, she hasn’t any real understanding of the male sex drive. She is no more capable of understanding the male libido and its effects for men than I am of understanding why women have so much more control over their libidos since I’m male and have no frame of reference. The male sex drive, thanks to many thousands of years of evolution designed to ensure the survival of the species, is very much akin to a life-sustaining drive to satisfy hunger. It’s almost a perfect analogy. That’s why men spend an inordinate amount of time seeking to satisfy their needs when their brains and bodies demand it. I make no excuses for the power my sex drive has over my behavior, but I’ve never denied it because you can’t. You must be a male to understand it. And I have seen nothing more useful in helping me to control the tyranny of my male libido than chastity devices. The more normalized male chastity becomes, the more willing ordinary men who are not necessarily submissive or interested in kink will be to try chastity and benefit from it. And chastity makes us better, better men and better partners.

 

So, those are my two main reasons for believing normalizing male chastity is a positive thing that I hope continues. But what about you? Do you see normalization of  male chastity as a positive or a negative?

Locktober Eve 2022

We’re just hours away from the kickoff of Locktober 2022. Amazingly, I received the shorter HF001 device I ordered from Badassworkroom yesterday, just in time. I tried it out yesterday and again today with two different base rings and goodness gracious! It’s perfect! As hoped, the shorter cage solved the “sticking peen” problem. So, I’m wearing it for Locktober. Weirdly, even though I’m locked all the time, Locktober still excites me. One of my favorite pro keyholders has graciously agreed to supervise this year. Honestly, I have the self-discipline now to complete Locktober or any length of locked period I choose without having a keyholder. But it makes Locktober so much more arousing and satisfying to have one. I’ll remove the device I’m wearing now at 10:00 P.M. and then I’ll put on the new HF-001 so that I can turn the key at the stroke of midnight. Then I will lock the key in the safe, surrendering control to my keyholder for 31 days.

Badassworkroom HF001
Locktober Ready

Good luck to all taking part this year. Don’t back up, don’t back down. That’s the only way I know…

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Surveys

The 7 Day Chastity Challenge Survey

By on Sunday, August 7, 2022

The 7 Day Chastity Challenge survey is now available for those who have taken the challenge. If you have taken the challenge, please consider sharing your opinions to help us understand whether the challenge met your expectations.

Not Another Survey. Seriously?

Yes, I know. We all get deluged with requests to provide feedback by spending our valuable time to complete surveys or provide reviews for products we’ve purchased. I get it. Hardly a day goes by that I don’t find multiple such requests in my email inbox.

But I’d truly appreciate it if you would consider completing our short 3-5 minutes survey for the 7-day chastity challenge if you took it. Your opinions will not only help us understand how well the challenge met your expectations, but could help us identify how we might improve it.

Since The 7 Day Chastity Challenge has been available for almost two months now and many have either purchased a copy from Amazon or borrowed it through Kindle Unlimited, I’m confident enough people have taken the challenge to provide some valuable feedback. We take seriously our responsibility to provide value to readers who purchase our non-fiction printed resources and fiction titles, and are committed to meeting our reader’s expectations. If we can improve a resource and make it more useful, we certainly want to do that.

Completing the Survey

You can complete the survey, hosted on Survey Planet, right here on our website below, or you can access it directly at this link: https://s.surveyplanet.com/5jjxg3bi

The aim of The 7 Day Chastity Challenge is to take those who have never experienced it for any length of time to 24/7 chastity in seven days. Your responses to this survey will help us understand how successful the challenge has been in achieving that goal and could help us discover how we might improve on our original model.

The majority of the questions only require choosing the best answer from multiple choice lists of responses and shouldn’t require more than 3-5 minutes of your time. So, if you’ve taken the challenge, whether you completed all seven days or not, please consider completing the survey. We would truly appreciate it.

Base on the number of copies sold and Kindle Unlimited page reads, we hope to receive a representative sample of surveys by August 31, 2022. If we do, we’ll end the survey on that date and will publish a survey results post in September after we’ve collated the data.

We are collecting only survey responses, not any personal information. Your responses will be completely anonymous.

You Haven't Taken the Challenge?

If this is the first you’ve heard of The 7 Day Chastity Challenge and it sounds like something you’re interested in, it’s available on Amazon as an eBook and in paperback. For a few more weeks, Kindle Unlimited subscribers can read it free.

In Other News

Next Chastity Device Review Coming Soon

If you follow My Current Status page (page link in the menu bar above), you may have noticed I’ve been wearing a new device since August 5, the BA-21 stainless steel device from Badassworkroom. This is my second custom-made Badassworkroom metal cage and the quality and fit of this model is impressing me just as much as the first device I purchased from them. The BA-21 is quite similar to my Mature Metal Jailbird, but has more vertical bars on the nose that prevents the tip of the penis from slipping through any gaps. I’ll publish a review of the BA-21 near the end of the month.

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Fascinating Facts About the #PussyFree Lifestyle

By on Thursday, June 30, 2022

Have you heard about the #PussyFree lifestyle? I hadn’t until I recently came across it on Twitter, so of course I had to know more. Here are some fascinating facts about the lifestyle I discovered.

Maybe the #PussyFree lifestyle phenomenon doesn’t relate directly to the topic we cover in this blog, male chastity. Yet it isn’t too difficult to imagine how it could be related peripherally. I came across #PussyFree when I saw a Twitter post on my timeline from a guy I follow who practices and writes about male chastity. Apparently, he too had just come across it and was curious to learn what it was all about. I was too, so I delved into it.

The Origin of #PussyFree

As best I can tell, #PussyFree started on the Tumblr micro-blogging platform. That makes sense because at least before the “great purge” of adult content, Tumblr was arguably the cutting edge content site for all things sexual. In fact, Tumblr is where I got my first real exposure to male chastity.

What is #PussyFree?

It seems guys who make the #PussyFree pledge, not only do not engage in PIV sex, they don’t allow themselves to touch or even look at vaginas, out of feelings of unworthiness. Most of the stuff I’ve read about this relatively new lifestyle mentions guys who embrace #PussyFree consider themselves “losers” who don’t deserve to slide into a vagina, touch them, or look at them mostly because they have small penises that could never satisfy a woman. One of three primary things might dictate the #PussyFree designation for these guys.

A Femdomme a submissive guy submits to may designate him as #PussyFree, because she deems him unworthy of PIV sex because his penis is too small to satisfy a woman, or because she embraces female supremacy and considers all men unworthy of PIV sex. Often she locks him in a chastity cage and may even forbid him to even look at her vagina (and sometimes bare breasts) or any, like through viewing porn.

For some guys, life itself simply dictates they earn the #PussyFree designation. As an example, guys women always categorize as Friend-zone material and never seriously consider as sexual partners. This could be because a guy possesses a micro penis or because of some other shortcoming that makes him unappealing as a sexual partner in the eyes of women. As much as these guys might covet PIV sex, it simply will never happen for them. Pussy free becomes their lot in life by default.

Finally, some guys, especially those who identify as a “sissy,” self-designate as #PussyFree because they accept they are not only unworthy of PIV sex because they are undeserving of penetrating a woman, but feel they are only sexually suitable for penetration themselves by “real men.” These real men they define as authentic masculine men with large penises who can satisfy women.

Being Pussy Free Does Permit Masturbation

Guys who take the #PussyFree pledge can masturbate, but masturbation for them is only another form of humiliation, a constant reminder they are unworthy of PIV sex with a woman. Also, many of these guys masturbate only to censored or pixelated images of attractive naked women since they feel undeserving to even look upon images of vaginas and bare breasts.

An Assortment of Kinks

There is much to unpack regarding all the kinks the #PussyFree lifestyle adherents embrace. Humiliation is a significant part of it, especially small penis humiliation (SPH). There is the feminized male, or sissy, aspect. Also, cuckolding seems part of the lifestyle as does the BBC fetish, since many pussy free guys say that only black men with large penises can truly satisfy a woman and are worthy of PIV sex.

 

In a nutshell, it seems the guys attracted to this lifestyle use it to eroticize either their real feelings of unworthiness to have penetrative sex with a woman or because they have internalized from experiences with women in the past that women do not find them sexually attractive and they will rarely get the chance to experience PIV sex, anyway.

#PussyFree and Male Chastity

Candidly, one of the key tenants of this lifestyle, the feeling of unworthiness, makes #PussyFree unappealing for me. Also, humiliation isn’t one of my kinks. I’ve never felt unworthy of having PIV sex with a woman. While I do like the idea of female led relationships, I don’t subscribe to female supremacy.

Women are fabulous and intriguing, but they are not inherently superior to men because no human being is superior to any other human being for any reason. Yes, there are people who feel superior to others because they are physically attractive, have more money, hold “important” positions in society, and many other reasons. They are not and fool only themselves. And, no brag, just fact, I’ve never had a problem satisfying women I’ve had penetrative sex with. There have been more than a few, but if I shared a number, that would be bragging. Let’s just say it’s been a representative sample. Still, I am at a time in my life where the general concept of pussy free has some appeal.

I feel I’ve reached a point where I need to give up on intimate relationships and PIV sex completely and start enjoying all the other things I can experience and enjoy without worrying about my penis getting in the way. One of the best ways I’ve found to do that is by wearing a male chastity cage regularly. The device allows me to go about my day without thinking about my penis or sex all the time, allowing me to focus on other people in my life and other more significant matters. I feel this is very important if I want to discover what life is truly all about. Having worn a male chastity device for a few years now, I can say that my life is richer now and more attuned to my environment than ever. So, adopting a pussy free lifestyle on that basis seems a natural extension.

Many guys who practice chastity are into humiliation, including SPH, feminization, and cuckolding, so pussy free may not be much of a stretch for them either. While I can’t say I see #PussyFree as a natural part of male chastity, I recognize there is some overlap. The two are separate lifestyles or kinks, as you prefer. But I think they could coexist for some guys who embrace chastity.

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The Coolidge Effect and Male Chastity

By on Friday, June 24, 2022

Ever wondered why practicing male chastity can improve a relationship with an existing intimate partner? There is science behind it, a biological phenomenon called the Coolidge Effect.

I’ve never made it a secret that the science behind the physiological and psychological is something I find massively interesting. That’s because I enjoy learning why spending time locked in a chastity device influences my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors the way it does. So, today, I want to visit an intriguing biological phenomenon, the Coolidge effect, that goes far in explaining why chaste males often develop renewed and deeper physical and emotional attraction to their intimate partners.

Researchers see the Coolidge effect in scientific studies of animals. While to date, no one has done any actual research on the phenomenon using human test subjects, scientists have observed the effect in most mammals studied. So, they believe human males also have this ancient component in their repertoire of evolutionary driven human mating strategies and it plays an important role in human sexuality. One reason is because dopamine plays such a significant role in the phenomenon.

What the Coolidge Effect is and How it Works

The Coolidge effect produces an increase in sexual responsiveness and a shortening of the sexual refractory period at the opportunity to have sex with a novel female. That’s because males exhibit renewed sexual interest whenever a new female becomes available because males have a built in preference for variety in sexual partners. There is an evolutionary benefit to this effect. Access to multiple females means a male might fertilize multiple females. No matter how much we’ve elevated the pleasure aspects of sex, from the perspective of evolution, efficient procreation was always the only point.

Certainly, not all or even most men in committed relationships engage in polygyny, a pattern of mating in which a male animal has more than one female mate that we see in other mammals, despite convincing proof human males probably have a definite preference for it. But the powerful attraction many men have for frequent masturbation while viewing porn might explain that.

Porn allows men to experience sexual stimulation and ejaculation virtually with a wide variety of sexually attractive females. And the endless supply of new virtual sexual partners can cause men to feel less and less attraction for their real life partners.

How Male Chastity Influences the Coolidge Effect

Male chastity short circuits the Coolidge effect. Once locked in a chastity device, a man no longer has access to either physical or virtual novel females for sexual activity. He can neither engage in an affair with another female outside his relationship or masturbate to female images through porn consumption. So, his intimate partner becomes the only outlet for the naturally increasing sexual arousal that his denial produces. Understanding the Coolidge Effect makes it pretty simple to understand why chaste men develop renewed and deeper attraction to their current partners, especially when those partners hold the keys to their men’s chastity devices.

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male chastity sexuality

My Male Chastity Cycle Theory

By on Sunday, June 19, 2022

The physiological, psychological, and emotional effects of spending time locked in a chastity device has always intrigued me. Recently, I came up with a male chastity cycle theory based on my own experiences.

male-sexual-response-cycle
The human sexual response cycle, published in 1966 by William Masters and Virginia Johnson.

Many of the guys curious about trying lockable device chastity for the first time who reach out to me, ask the same questions. While I never mind answering the questions, for a while now I’ve thought about writing a guide that covers the basics for those who don’t feel they know enough about chastity and chastity devices to get started. That idea morphed into writing a book offering a seven-day chastity challenge for beginners. I wanted to come up with a way to explain what beginners should expect along the way from putting on a chastity device for the first time to adjusting to wearing a device for 24 hours by the end of the seven days. And that sparked an idea.

I’ve always thought a “chastity cycle” existed because, from experience, I’ve noticed that I progress through identifiable and distinguishable phases or stages of physiological, emotional, and psychological responses to the lack of sexual stimulation and orgasm denial. What I ended up with for the book was a theory of what those different phases or stages were and what characterized each of them.

Some stages I identified from my experiences fit with the four stages of the Human Sexual Response Cycle (pictured above), published in 1966 by researchers William Masters and Virginia Johnson. But not all, for the obvious reason. With a chastity device locked on, there is a pause, often a lengthy one, at plateau (Stage 2) before a chaste man gets to the orgasm and resolution stages. So, here is what I came up with after much thought.

A Male Chastity Cycle

Here is my explanation of these six stages.

Stage 1: Neutral

What I mean by neutral is the state of a man who has recently experienced sexual satisfaction (orgasm and ejaculation) and is in the resolution phase of the sexual response cycle formulated by William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson, in their 1966 book Human Sexual Response. In this stage, he probably feels and will feel for some period a loss of sexual desire. He feels “neutral” about engaging in sex or masturbating again until his sexual energy recharges.

Here, I’m not talking about the refractory period, the relatively short time after ejaculation when it’s physically impossible for a man to get an erection and ejaculate again, but a period that varies from one to several days. The length of this period I believe is mostly a function of an individual’s age, libido, and the frequency of ejaculation they have become accustomed to. This neutral stage of the cycle means the first day or even the first several days of chastity often seem rather anti-climatic for most men as far as sexual arousal is concerned since they recently had sexual satisfaction.

Stage 2: Desire

The desire phase kicks off when sexual arousal returns, usually within the third to fourth day for me. Different stimuli triggers arousal and renewed sexual desire. Once arousal starts, it typically continues to build for me. The simple act of wearing a lockable chastity device can produce arousal for me since it makes me more aware of my genitals than I might otherwise be and that leads to sexual thoughts and feelings.

The brain releases a cocktail of chemicals produced by the body, including dopamine, that produce sexual arousal and desire. Those chemicals, also known as “feel-good” hormones, make sexual arousal and desire feel pleasurable. So, even though I may feel increasingly “horny” during the desire phase, I get through at least the first four days of sexual abstinence with little difficulty or discomfort.

Stage 3: Frustration

Around the fifth day in chastity, I begin experiencing some degree of sexual frustration. When I first started chastity and had been accustomed to having orgasms several times a week, I experienced the frustration sooner and feel it more acutely than now since I’ve become accustomed to having far fewer orgasms. So, now this phase isn’t as hard for me to navigate, but I’m always definitely aware of it. I suspect this is the stage where guys who self-lock feel most sorely tempted to remove their device and seek sexual release. But I’ve become accustomed to it, so that’s not been an issue for me in a long while. I just know the frustration will eventually pass.

Stage 4: Blissful

By the end of the fifth or beginning of the sixth day, I move beyond sexual frustration and enter the blissful phase. That’s the sweet spot of the chastity cycle. When a man feels aroused but does not orgasm and ejaculate immediately, the brain discovers that orgasm is not imminent and continues releasing the “feel good” hormones to encourage it and the levels, especially dopamine levels, rise further and further above the normal baselines.

These naturally occurring chemicals transform sexual arousal into pleasure itself and you enter a “blissful” state. You no longer feel so desperate for sexual release, and you may feel more emotional than usual. If you have an intimate partner, you may feel emotionally closer and more affectionate toward them. That happened to me with my first key holder even though we weren’t in an intimate relationship, so I know how it feels. My first visit to this phase was when I learned firsthand why so many men find wearing a lockable chastity device and abstinence so enjoyable.

Stage 5: Restless

In the restless stage, sexual frustration can return with a vengeance at times. During this phase I’ve felt irritable, sad, and sometimes even slightly depressed. The length of time between blissful and restless varies from one person to another and I believe with how much experience you have with chastity and some other factors. With experience, even if you self-lock, you develop strategies that can extend the blissful stage, particularly sexual stimulation, that stops short of orgasm. This is the very thing that sexual teasing from a key holder does. And the stimulation needn’t focus on the genitals but may involve other erogenous zones like the testicles, perineum, or anus as examples.

At my experience level, the blissful stage typically lasts for around thirty days, and sometimes longer. But I suspect for some guys it may only last for two to three weeks. Even with teasing, about three weeks was usual for me during my first year practicing chastity.

Stage 6: Satisfaction

Satisfaction, the last phase in the chastity cycle, occurs when you remove the chastity device and receive sexual stimulation that ends with an ejaculatory orgasm. It’s the same as the resolution phase of the Human Sexual Response Cycle. You experience release from the pent up arousal and denial, and  enter the post-orgasm resolution phase of the sexual response cycle.

While this male chastity cycle is mostly based on my anecdotal experiences, I read extensively about the experiences that other chaste men share on chastity related blogs, forums, and social media. And I’ve found a lot of commonality with what I’ve experienced. That leads me to believe my theory about how men respond to periods of chastity seems accurate. And that isn’t surprising given what I’ve learned about the science of male sexuality.

The Driver's of the Male Chastity Cycle

Male chastity and how men respond to it is a response to the effects of orgasm denial. But denial is only the mode of chastity. The actual mechanism that drives our response is the science of male chastity, particularly the cocktail of natural chemicals the body produces and the brain releases.

There is a whole slew of these naturally occurring chemicals. But those of primary interest are dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and prolactin, hormones that act as neurotransmitters, chemical messengers that help in the transmission of signals in the brain and other vital areas.

The different stages of the male chastity cycle I’ve imagined are all products of the levels of these different chemicals. Dopamine levels, for example, increase with sexual arousal. Dopamine plays a major role in how we feel pleasure. The brain releases dopamine when it is expecting a “reward.”

When you come to associate a certain activity with pleasure, mere anticipation may be enough to raise dopamine levels. It’s responsible for a cycle of motivation (seeking pleasure), reward (Feeling pleasure), and reinforcement (the desire for more of an activity that produces pleasure).

I find the science of male sexuality incredibly fascinating and knowing a little about hormone levels that affect sexual functioning and what causes those levels to increase and decrease helps you understand why you feel the things you do at different stages of the male chastity cycle.

What do you think about this theory of a male chastity cycle? Does it track with your experiences? Do you notice different, identifiable stages or phases when you wear a chastity device for a period of time?

Are You Curious About Male Chastity and Thinking About Trying It?

This is the book I recently wrote for guys new to chastity and those who haven’t managed to wear a lockable chastity device for at least seven days. It’s presented in the form of a 7 day challenge, a fun and non-threatening way for beginners to dip a toe into chastity and learn how it suits them. It’s available now on Amazon as an e-Book and paperback.

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Thirty Days of Chastity: Day 11

By on Tuesday, May 31, 2022

Chaste answers the questions from the "Thirty Days of Chastity" Meme from Tickleberry.com.uk

It’s Day 11 of the Thirty Days of Chastity meme, and today I’m sharing my views on chastity as a lifestyle choice.

Day 11: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT…

What are your views on Chastity as a lifestyle choice? Would you advocate it, or is it purely an element of play for short periods only? Which is best for your life-style?

For me, chastity is definitely a lifestyle choice, not something I practice only for short periods (kink), because I firmly believe chastity adds value to my life. Here I define a lifestyle choice as a personal and conscious decision to perform a behavior in our everyday lives that can benefit us both physically and mentally and lead to a happier, more fulfilling life. And chastity has literally improved every aspect of my life.

Chastity has given me increased clarity, confidence, creativity, and drive. Since starting it, I’m more productive than I’ve ever been in my life. I feel at ease, peaceful, vibrant, and less stressed than I’ve ever felt. I feel like a different person.

I feel that the benefits I get from the chastity lifestyle come mostly from limiting ejaculations. That’s because many of the positives track well with the teachings about semen retention in Taoism and Tantra. No judgements on guys who practice chastity for short periods to satisfy their kink interests, but chastity is and will always be a lifestyle for me. I can’t even imagine my life anymore without chastity as an integral part of it.

Couple of Updates

Thunder Struck

I received an email this morning from Steelworxx, advising they have shipped my Thunder device. I’m stoked since I hadn’t expected to get it until the first week in July. While I’ve always preferred open-style cages, I am excited about trying my first enclosed tube device. Can’t wait to share a review after wear testing it.

Oxy-Shop Keyholder Service

I’m headed for the finish line with my 30-day Oxy-Shop Monthly Keyholding Service trial. I’ll be posting a full review of the service tomorrow or Thursday at the latest. Some of my opinions might surprise you.

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Thirty Days of Chastity: Day 10

By on Saturday, May 28, 2022

Chaste answers the questions from the "Thirty Days of Chastity" Meme from Tickleberry.com.uk

It’s Day 10, and we’re one-third of the way through the Thirty Days of Chastity meme. Today’s question reminds me a little of the Ambrosia pop song from the seventies, “How Long.”

“How long has this been going on?

Well, your friends and their fancy persuasion

Don’t admit that it’s part of a scheme,

But I can’t help but have my suspicions

‘Cause I ain’t quite as dumb as I seem.”

DAY 10: HOW LONG…

What’s the longest you (or your partner) have been locked in? What’s your goal?

I am in my longest stretch of consecutively locked days right now, and today the number stands at 543 days. Yes, I’ve unlocked during that time, but only for 15-20 minutes every week or so for a deep cleaning. But otherwise, I’ve worn a chastity cage every single day over that period. Will I make it 730 days, two full years? I’m not sure.

My current streak began when I decided to try to go for one full year locked. But once I achieved it, I wasn’t ready to call it quits. I’ve kept going, although I never consciously thought about trying for two full years. Actually, it surprised me when I checked my status page one day and saw I’d surpassed the 500-day mark.

I suppose it’s fair to say, I don’t have a goal tied to number of days, weeks, months, or years. All I know is I want to remain in permanent chastity for the foreseeable future because it’s meaningful to me and adds value to my life. I have used goals in the past: 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, six months, and finally one full year. Those intermediate goals helped propel me to where I am today in my chastity journey.

Speaking of permanent chastity, just about everyone has their own opinion about what that means. For some purists, permanent chastity means you never remove the cage. Others, as I do, feel it’s okay to remove the cage for a few minutes for regular deep cleaning and maintenance, but you can’t touch herself and certainly can’t come. So, abstaining from orgasms I think is how many people define permanent chastity. I don’t agree with that. One woman, a wife and the keyholder for her husband, publishes a blog I read regularly. She has him on a seven-day schedule for reasons that make sense to her. So, she unlocks him once each week and he is allowed to masturbate to orgasm and ejaculate. Then after his weekly deep cleaning, she puts him back into the cage for another seven days. Is that permanent chastity? I don’t see how you could make a rational argument it isn’t. He spends most of his time, and has for a long while now, with his penis locked in a chastity cage.

My first keyholder counted days in chastity when she allowed me to unlock for cleaning and maintenance, but when she permitted me an orgasm, even a ruined one, she restarted the clock at day one. I understood the reasoning. She followed her philosophy about how long I should go without an orgasm. So, restarting the clock made it simpler for her to keep track. But since she always locked me up again immediately after the orgasms once I’d completed my weekly deep cleaning, it didn’t make sense why we started again with day one. I was never unlocked for more than twenty minutes and the orgasms were few and far between. Certainly not weekly like the guy I mentioned earlier.

But, for the purists out there, ninety days is the longest I’ve gone without an orgasm, and I’ve done that more than once. But someone else’s opinions don’t change my mind about the definition of permanent chastity. Since I also practice the semen retention concept, you can believe orgasms are infrequent for me. So, I still consider myself a permanent chastity practitioner even though I allow myself occasional orgasms when I’m self-locked. Like anything else, there is no one “true” way to do permanent chastity. So, every guy (or his keyholder if he has one) can decide what constitutes permanent chastity for him.

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Thirty Days of Chastity: Day Nine

By on Friday, May 27, 2022

Chaste answers the questions from the "Thirty Days of Chastity" Meme from Tickleberry.com.uk

It’s Day 9 of the Thirty Days of Chastity meme, and I wasn’t sure I had anything to offer on the topic for today. But then I remembered something I think fits the theme pretty well.

DAY 9: LISTEN…

Post a Chastity related song or music video you enjoy. If it isn’t directly chastity related then explain what it means to you? Is it part of your Chastity ritual?

This question stumped me a little at first. I love music and have rather eclectic tastes. But I’ve never thought of music as chastity related. But then I remembered something that happened with my first keyholder. I heard a song I liked that reminded me of her. I even told her about it. It’s the Matchbook 20 song “She’s So Mean.”

The lyrics open with…

“I kn-kn-know a girl

She gets what she wants all the time

‘Cause she’s fine

But for an angel, she’s a hot, hot mess

Make you so blind

But you don’t mind…”

That certainly fits. But it’s more the overall song theme “she’s so mean” that always made me think of her. Actually, it still does. I can’t hear the song even now without it bringing her to my mind and leaving me feeling a bit wistful.

Generally, we understand a mean person as someone we would describe as unkind or unfair. That’s not what I intend to convey here. My keyholder wasn’t unkind or unfair. She was, however, strict and demanding, just what I expect from my ideal of a strong, dominant woman.

It’s important for a keyholder to have the capacity to be strict and demanding, especially when they are the intimate partner of a chaste man. That’s because she can’t allow her natural desires to make her partner happy and to avoid being perceived as “mean” to persuade her to give in when he begs to be unlocked or for an early release. She must remain resolute and exacting if chastity is to work for her and her partner. A keyholder must have the wisdom to understand she is providing exactly what her man desires, no matter whether he begins to complain or feel sorry for himself.

So, if you have a keyholder that makes you think sometimes, “she so mean,” then know how fortunate you are to have a keyholder who gets it.

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Thirty Days of Chastity: Day Eight

By on Thursday, May 26, 2022

Chaste answers the questions from the "Thirty Days of Chastity" Meme from Tickleberry.com.uk

It’s Day 8 of the Thirty Days of Chastity meme, and we’re almost a third of the way through. So far, I’ve revealed some pretty personal things about me; fantasies, toys, etc. We continue that today as I share chastity images that represent chastity to me.

DAY 8: LOOK…

Post a Chastity image you find erotic. Briefly describe what arouses you most in the image or why it represents chastity to you.

In full disclosure, I must admit I’m not much into chastity porn. As examples, I don’t seek out or watch “Chastity” porn videos or look for images depicting chastity. I don’t consume any porn routinely anymore for some personal reasons. Not that I judge anyone who does. It just isn’t for me anymore. So, to respond to today’s topic, I actually had to make an effort to find an image to post, and I found two and am sharing both.

It is not my habit to “steal” copyrighted material and I won’t post images on this blog owned by someone else without the copyright holder’s permission or that don’t meet the criteria of Fair Use. The truth is, if there is anywhere to find chastity images, even photos you would be willing to pay for, I haven’t found it. Chastity isn’t yet mainstream enough for that. For that reason, I’m only posting links to the photos, so if you’re interested in seeing them, click the links.

Chastity Images

Image 1: https://steelwerksextreme.com/media/original_images/cage-w-shoe.jpg (From www.steelwerksextreme.com)

This image represents chastity to me because it covers all the primary elements. It depicts a male in a submissive pose locked in a chastity device, and while you see only her high-heeled shoe, a strong woman in charge. As I’ve written before, you needn’t be a submissive to enjoy and embrace male chastity, but chastity under the control of another is a submissive act. I think this image also speaks to that. I find this a compelling image because it depicts all of these things in a powerful, yet almost understated way.

Image 2: https://i0.wp.com/cage-de-chastete.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/RachaeLBelle-942×1024.jpeg (Red Chili Chastity Devices)

This second image also represents chastity to me in a powerful way. I saw this photo quite a long time ago and never forgot it. It illustrates the inclusive and diverse nature of chastity. Regardless of gender identity or sexual preferences, any penis owner can embrace and practice chastity just as I do. Here we have a lovely woman with breasts, attractively dressed, with her penis caged in a stylish chastity device. I think she’s stunning, and the chastity device only enhances it.

I don’t know the model, Rachael Belle, so I can only assume from her behavior, appearance, and dress as depicted in the image that she is a transgender person. As a cisgender man, I don’t pretend to understand everything about transgender people. And people’s thoughts and feelings about their gender can be complex. Having a variety of words and identity labels to describe the various ways they might think about their gender helps them communicate who they are. So, out of respect to Rachael, I won’t assume what words or identity labels she uses to describe herself.

Transgender people use many different terms to describe their experiences, and not all terms fit all people. Also, the terms or language a person prefers may change over time, and that’s totally normal and okay. So, approaching transgender people with respect, awareness, and a desire to learn about gender is always important in making sure you don’t hurt anyone’s feelings or give unintended offense.

If you took a moment to click on the links and looked at these photos I’ve shared, I hope they resonated with you as well. And, I hope you feel you know me a bit better after reading this post.

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Thirty Days of Chastity: Day Seven

By on Wednesday, May 25, 2022

Chaste answers the questions from the "Thirty Days of Chastity" Meme from Tickleberry.com.uk

It’s Day 7 of the Thirty Days of Chastity meme, and today I’m giving you a peek inside my toy box.

DAY 7: YOUR TOY BOX…

What’s your favorite toy or item of equipment (excluding your chastity belt or device) that you use during chastity play? 

One thing a guy learns, almost out of necessity when embracing the chastity life, is there are other parts of the male body besides the penis that offer highly pleasurable sensations when stimulated properly. Butt play, one of my favorites, can be highly pleasurable and add an extra dimension to people’s sexual enjoyment. 

There are still many negative social barriers that prevent people from trying it, even if they want to. For straight men, masculinity can be a barrier to exploring anal penetration. For many men, being penetrated feels somehow less masculine, and being on the receiving end of such stimulation may seem not only weak, but feminine. But the truth is, the anus is full of sensitive nerve endings, and the proximity of a man’s prostate (sometimes referred to as the P-spot) makes this type of sexual stimulation powerfully pleasurable. 

So, when it comes to favorite toys or items of equipment (excluding my chastity device) that I use and enjoy during chastity play, it’s my, shall we say, impressive collection of anal toys. While I enjoy using all the tools in my toolkit, I do have a favorite. It’s a wave motion, 9-speed vibrating prostate massager called the Phanxy.

Introducing the Phanxy

Ergonomically designed, the Phanxy is made of velvety soft and body safe silicone. Dual motors drive the powerful vibration and wave motions that combine for an amazing pleasure response. Sorry if I sound like an infomercial. I have no connection with the company that makes the Phanxy beyond being a very satisfied customer. 

I actually considered answering today’s question by simply telling readers about my favorite toy in generic terms. The reason was because every person is different. A toy that provides a mind-blowing, lip biting experience for one person might well produce a meh response from someone else. So, I worried a little someone might rush out and buy the toy I raved about only to have a disappointing experience with it. That’s happened to me frequently and it can feel soul crushing, not to mention annoying when you feel you’ve wasted your hard-earned money. But I decided to identify the toy because I like it that much.

The Phanxy Specs 

The width of the insertable part of the Phanxy is 1.18 inches, which makes it appropriate even for beginners. I don’t insert huge things into my butt, but I have plenty of toys with much more girth than this one that I accommodate comfortably. But for its designed purpose, the Phanxy is plenty large enough. 

Overall, the toy’s length is 5.5 inches with an insertable length of 4.33 inches. It also comes with a Lithium battery (CR2032) powered remote, but there are also controls on the base. The unit is rechargeable, but the remote battery must be replaced when discharged. It’s also completely waterproof and can be used in the shower or bath. The manual says to allow two hours for charging, but mine charges much faster than that. A blue LED light flashes while charging, and once the light stops blinking and stays illuminated, it’s fully charged.

Why I Like This Prostate Massager So Much

I’ve pursued P-spot pleasure for years and tried almost every toy from the most well-known and recommended companies out there without getting close to the allusive P-spot orgasm I looked for until now. It didn’t happen with the Phanxy right away, and it took some time and experimentation to work out the kinks and find the perfect positioning technique. But unlike all the other toys I’ve tried, the Phanxy didn’t disappoint. Besides shuddering orgasms, I’ve also used this toy to accomplish reliable prostate milking. And to me, that’s where I get the most value from this prostate massager. 

Some believe that long-term orgasm denial can be harmful by causing prostate problems, including increased risk of prostate cancer later in life. The medical research on this is sketchy at best, but I believe it is wise to err on the side of caution. But I’d rather “milk the prostate” than simply orgasm the usual way, and when locked, I typically do it once per month. 

While I have seen no compelling medical evidence it needs to be done once a month, this seems the prevailing wisdom you find on the internet. And since it’s pleasurable, why not? The Phanxy makes it ridiculously easy to accomplish. I have only one other toy in my arsenal I have used for prostate milking that’s been reliable, and it doesn’t work every time. But this one does. 

One of the best things is this massager cost me less than thirty bucks, which is a fraction of the price I’ve paid for many more well-known massagers that never worked for me.

 

Please remember, everything I’ve shared here is my personal experiences. Regardless of how pleased I am with this prostate massager, if you decide to get one, your mileage may vary.

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