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The Four Stages of the Chastity Lifestyle

By on Tuesday, January 4, 2022

Understanding the four stages of the chastity lifestyle.

The way I see it, guys who wear male chastity devices are always in one of four stages of the chastity lifestyle. Let’s examine them.

Stage #1: Irrational Exuberance

Irrational exuberance is the honeymoon phase for the new chaste guy, the one where he is incredibly turned on by the sight, feel, and the physical act of being locked. He has toppled head-first down into the bottomless abyss of chastity bliss. If he has succeeded in persuading his significant other to act as his keyholder, his excitement at this stage is even more intense.

Guys in the stage relish the loss of control, one of the best aspects of wearing a cage. The feeling of knowing that there is nothing you can do to escape, the feeling of being conquered, the feeling of having no choice and no freedom. The inability to feel your cock or feel anything through your cock. You can grip that cage all day, and the sensation will never equal gripping your bare shaft. It’s almost like it’s not there. It’s simultaneously highly exciting but strangely reassuring.

They’re full of love for their new cage and the chaste lifestyle, believing they will love it more and more as time goes by—the adventure of a lifetime and a path to continuous sexual pleasure through denial. But the guy in this stage has yet to feel the angst, the frustration, the sheer helplessness, and desperation that come with actually losing access to his penis.

Male chastity for men at this stage is mostly the stuff of fantasies rather than reality actually lived. A guy in this stage has yet to see past his fantasies into the deepest corners of male chastity, where dark things lurk that he doesn’t yet fully comprehend. But, without warning, he awakens to the truth when he begins experiencing a healthy dose of extreme arousal without any ability to satisfy his unmet desires. And maybe his significant other isn’t going by the fantasy script he had in his imagination when he begged her to lock his cock. Caught unawares by his own weaknesses, instead of joy, chastity brings feelings of resentment, distrust, and even anger when reality becomes the opposite of what he expected when he asked his partner to lock him. Male chastity is often a huge mind fuck, and it’s capable of provoking some pretty intense emotions. For most guys new to chastity, this honeymoon phase typically lasts for about the first month.

Stage #2: Disillusion and Dread

Having begun coming to grips with the reality of denied access to his penis and the pleasures it has given him so often since puberty, the chaste male in this stage of his chastity journey feels deeply disillusioned and dismayed.

At first, everything played out just like the fantasy—his significant other caged him, she teased him, he whined, she teased him again, he whined more, she teased him more, he cried and begged for her to remove the cage. Rinse and repeat. The frustration that he first felt was so intense he actually got a euphoric high from all the frustration, desperation, and lack of control. That high made the game so much fun to play. That is how things were supposed to work. But as the weeks stretch into months and the months into more months, orgasm denial takes its toll.

A guy in this stage slips back into his former headspace. The reward and the goal of chastity aren’t any longer the highs that he felt from the continual teasing and denial. Instead, it’s the eventual release at the end of his lockup. He complains, tries to bargain with his significant order, and begs her to unlock him. He grows increasingly moody and passive-aggressive, disillusioned and anxious when she doesn’t. Chasity no longer focuses his attention on his significant other but himself and his miserable plight. At first, he believed she had given him a gift by agreeing to cage him, but now it feels like punishment. Suddenly he realizes that all along, he had viewed chastity and the denial only as a type of extended foreplay with the expectation of something leading to his sexual satisfaction. All his enthusiasm and desire had always been focused on that expectation. With those needs unmet, all he wants now is for her to unlock him and give him release.

Stage #3: Stubborn Determination

At this stage, guys decide that they’re tired of letting weakness and fear win and set out to kick male chastity’s ass through sheer grit and determination.

The phrase “I don’t love sexual release; I love denial and being controlled” becomes their mantra of choice as they take pride in pushing through doubts and fears to succeed—regardless of whether they find any joy in the process.

Stage #4: Joyful Acceptance

In this fourth stage, guys recognize that they can’t sustain the stubborn determination for long and set out to cultivate a healthier relationship with their chastity lifestyle. This requires accepting wearing a chastity device as their new reality.

Guys dig deep into their limiting beliefs, address their toxic conditioning, and learn how to harness chastity to honor their partners—all essential actions that pave the way for the reclamation of true joy and fulfillment in their chaste lives.

So tell me, do you see yourself in one of these four stages?

Bear in mind that these stages are by no means a linear path through the male chastity journey.

You may find yourself in one stage today and a different stage tomorrow while transitioning between stages or even devolving into old patterns of self-limiting thoughts and behavior. That can be true of all the stages except the first one I listed. The irrational exuberance or honeymoon stage is a one-and-done, sort of like losing your virginity. Guys rarely revisit that stage unless they go off chastity for an extended period and then take it up again later.

Regardless of the stage you’re currently in, make your mission in 2022, to be honest with yourself, to remove fantasy from practicality, and to think carefully about why you desire male chastity. Ask yourself questions like

 

  • What does chastity mean to me?
  • Why do I want to be locked?
  • Do I want my significant other to dominate me completely?
  • Am I, by nature, submissive?

 

Thinking carefully about questions like these, and allowing yourself time to fully and honestly answer them is a trustworthy guide on your journey toward joyful acceptance of the chaste life.

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How Male Chastity Might Help Increase Testosterone Level in Men

By on Monday, January 3, 2022

A scientific research study found an intriguing relationship between ejaculation frequency and serum testosterone level in men.

Testosterone is the male sex hormone. Low testosterone—also known as hypogonadism or low T, can affect your overall health.

How Low Is Too Low?

Testosterone levels are measured through a blood test called a serum testosterone test. Most doctors agree that a “normal” reading falls anywhere between 300 to 1,000 nanograms per deciliter (ng/dL). However, about 40% of men over age 45 have levels below that range since as men age, their bodies produce less testosterone. Starting in middle age, it often drops below levels that doctors consider normal.

Symptoms of Low Testosterone

While only a serum testosterone test can accurately identify low testosterone, there are recognized symptoms that may indicate a man has low T. Those symptoms include:

  • Lower sex drive or desire
  • Lower quality and frequency of erections
  • Lower bone density
  • Reduced muscle mass and strength
  • Low energy
  • Fatigue
  • Depressed feelings

How Male Chastity Might Help Increase Testosterone Level

The results of a research study on the relationship between ejaculation and serum testosterone level in men, published in the Journal of Zhejiang University SCIENCE, revealed that after seven days of ejaculation abstinence, a clear peak of serum testosterone appeared, reaching 145.7% of the baseline.

Interestingly, researchers found that the fluctuations of testosterone levels from the 2nd to 5th day of abstinence were minimal. Also, no regular fluctuation was observed following continuous abstinence after the seventh-day peak. Ejaculation seemed the precondition and beginning of the special periodic serum testosterone level variations, which would not occur without ejaculation. So, regarding an increase in testosterone levels, researchers observed no benefit from extending ejaculation abstinence past the seventh day. The study results showed that the effective time of abstinence for raising testosterone levels is seven days.

Incorporating Seven-Day Ejaculation Abstinence Into Full-Time Chastity

While I intend to continue full-time chastity (wearing a chastity device every day) this year, reading this study has motivated me to change things up a little. Last year, I observed almost complete ejaculation abstinence. But this year, I’m going to incorporate the study findings into my chastity program as my one-man scientific study. I’m curious to learn how observing a seven-day abstinence period between ejaculations affects my testosterone level and how it affects my overall satisfaction with the practice of male chastity. I’m pretty satisfied with chastity now, so should I learn more frequent ejaculation reduces my satisfaction, I’ll revert to the way I practiced chastity up until now. Look for updates in future posts on what I discover.

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Tips for Guys New to Chastity

5 Easy Ways to Make Solo Chastity More Fun

By on Sunday, January 2, 2022

Is there any point to wearing a chastity device if you don’t have someone to hold your keys? What’s a single guy to do? Maybe these 5 easy ways to make solo chastity more fun can help.

Ideally, if you’re interested in experiencing male chastity, you have a partner or someone else to act as your keyholder. But that’s not an option for many of us who are single. As a result, solo or self chastity is the default option.

Is Solo Chastity Even Chastity?

Many guys have told me they saw no point in solo chastity since it made no sense to be both the jailer and the prisoner. One guy said self-locking isn’t even chastity because it lacks the basic foundation of chastity, a power transfer from the male to his keyholder. I beg to differ. Sure, the power transfer is an integral part when a partner locks you. But the dynamics involved between chastity with a keyholder and self-locking are only different. Solo chastity is still chastity because it meets the term’s basic definition, which is simply the state or practice of refraining from sexual gratification. With a chastity device and a little willpower, any guy can do meaningful male chastity, even without a partner to hold the keys.

As someone with considerable experience with self-locking, I know it isn’t easy. When you are your own keyholder, the temptation to unlock yourself is always high. But you can turn the self-locking experience into a fun mental game against yourself that will still be meaningful and fun. You can also have much of the same experiences by self-locking and reap many of the same benefits as guys fortunate enough to have someone else to hold their keys.

Here I’m sharing five easy ways to make solo chastity more fun and meaningful.

#1 Give Away the Key

Even if you don’t have an intimate partner, if you think about who you know, there might be a friend or even an ex-partner that wouldn’t even hesitate to help you out by holding your key. No, it wouldn’t be the same as having an intimate partner acting as your keyholder since people like that wouldn’t likely agree to provide you with sexual teasing. But at least you would experience physical separation from the key and the power exchange, which would certainly raise the bar.

Absent a friend or ex-partner to ask for help, you could even ask a co-worker, neighbor, or other acquaintance to hold the key for you. You probably wouldn’t tell them what the key is for, but only that you needed someone to hold onto it for a while. Male chastity is becoming more mainstream, so the keys for chastity devices are somewhat recognizable. Instead of giving such a person the actual key to your chastity device, if you have a safe deposit box or post office box, you ask them to hold that key after putting your chastity device lock key inside.

If you follow this tip, just make sure you keep a key for emergencies and for when you need to remove the device for regular cleaning. Before I built up enough willpower that I trusted myself with possession of an emergency key, I used to freeze it inside a block of ice that I kept in the freezer. Then, ordinarily, when it was time for a cleaning, I’d give the ice time to thaw and retrieve the key. But in an emergency, I could have always used a hammer to access the key immediately.

#2 Engage a Professional Keyholder

Here is an option I’ve used, and I think it is the next best thing to having an intimate partner as a keyholder. Most professional dominant women who offer keyholding services also provide some form of sexual teasing as part of the deal or at least offer the option for an additional cost. Yes, you do have to pay them because that’s how they earn a living. Some professional Dommes and Dominatrices are quite pricey. But I’ve found professional women who offer professional keyholding at prices well within my budget. I’ve only engaged pro keyholders online, but if you live in a large city, you can probably find professionals with whom you can schedule face-to-face sessions for locking, unlocking, and teasing.

I have seen women on social media sites like Twitter offering professional keyholding services. But I wouldn’t recommend looking for one there if social media is their only online presence. A professional Domme or Dominatrix should at least have a professional website that spells out her requirements and fees for keyholding. Otherwise, you don’t know what you might be getting yourself into.

A question I often get is where to find a woman willing to do keyholding for free or at least on the cheap. Believe me that isn’t reality. Maybe there are sadistic women out there willing to hold the keys of some guy they don’t even know for the sheer enjoyment of locking his penis and subjecting him to merciless teasing. Anything is possible. But I’ve never met such a woman and even if I did, I don’t think I’d entrust the key to my chastity device to one just to save a few bucks.

Many professional keyholders don’t advertise because of variances in the laws depending upon where one lives and can even be difficult to find with internet searches. Weirdly enough, most of the professionals I’m aware of live abroad. I’ve found a few pricey ones in the US, but the vast majority I know about live in other countries. So unless you live in one of those countries, you’re limited to online interaction. But that’s worked for me. Not long ago, I learned that House of Denial, a UK-based chastity device retailer, now offers a keyholding referral service with professionals they have vetted. You can peruse their list of over a dozen professionals by visiting https://www.houseofdenial.com/pages/keyholding-services.

#3 Start With Modest Goals

If you’re new to wearing a chastity device, don’t try to do too much too soon. Most guys I know that tried self-locking and quickly gave it up tried to go from zero to sixty right off the jump. Then, when their penises got sore, they decided wearing chastity devices wasn’t for them. So, when trying to wear one for the first time, take it easy.

When I started, I had a pro keyholder who knows her stuff, and she forced me to go slowly. I started by wearing the cage for a half-day, then a full day, then overnight. I progressed to 72 hours and then to a full week, a month, and finally three full months. As a result, I never experienced anything beyond minor discomfort and easily acclimated to wearing the device. After my first three months under the supervision of the pro, I felt confident enough to try self-locking, and I’ve since remained locked for six months and recently a full year (and counting). If you follow my advice and take it slow, you will set yourself up for success instead of almost certain failure. And you will reap many of the benefits of chastity even without a keyholder.

#4 Find a Diversion

After a few days locked, rather than distracting you from horny thoughts, the device draws attention to them. That’s going to make the temptation to unlock and take care of business more unbearable. You can counter that by finding a diversion. What worked for me (and still does) was starting a new exercise regimen. I started walking first since I had let myself go for years and wasn’t fit, then stepped up to running. I’ve progressed to running six days a week during my past year locked and have shed over fifty pounds. I feel ten years younger and have the energy to burn now. Exercise keeps me from thinking about unlocking and looking for sex or returning to my past masturbation habits.

#5 Use a Timer Padlock or Timer Locked Container

These days, plenty of technology exists to aid your self-lock efforts. There are both timer padlocks and timer locked containers that will keep the keys to your device securely locked for the time you set (up to 999 hours 59 minutes 59 seconds). The locks and containers won’t open until the time you set expires. Both are available on Amazon and from other retailers. Containers are available for under $40. Most are large enough to accommodate a cell phone since they are designed for people looking to curb their dependence on smartphones, cigarettes, etc. The padlocks, which sell for around $30, are too large to lock a chastity device and likely not waterproof. But they can be used to lock a container holding your chastity device keys. A simple hack is to use an empty plastic soda or water bottle as a container. With the lid screwed on, simply drill a hole through the lid from one side to the other large enough to accommodate the lock’s cable hasp. Then unscrew the lid, drop your keys inside the bottle, replace the lid, and install the lock.

There is No One Right Way to Do Male Chastity

Never let some know it all tell you that self-locking is not real chastity. It is a viable option for those who want the experience and benefits of male chastity but who don’t have an intimate partner for a keyholder and aren’t necessarily even looking to get into a relationship. For me, I’d have to have some very good reasons for wanting another relationship beyond wanting a built-in keyholder. And solo chastity can provide many of the same benefits experienced by guys who have a keyholder. For example, without the distraction of masturbation and porn, I’m far more productive than before I embraced male chastity. Wearing a chastity device can also lead to developing an increase in self-control, willpower, and determination, qualities that transcend the realm of chastity devices and positively affect an individual’s daily life in other important areas. And, guys who self lock, enjoy stronger more enjoyable orgasms when they do eventually give themselves sexual release after enduring a period of denial. Hopefully, you will find these 5 easy ways to make solo chastity more fun useful in the practice of solo male chastity.

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Another Reason for Male Chastity Ladies

By on Saturday, January 1, 2022

A new study revealed that many women feel men are selfish when it comes to sex.

A new study revealed that many women feel men are selfish when it comes to sex, that their partners do not care about their sexual pleasure and satisfaction. Data showing two out of three women don’t climax every time they have sex seems to support this. But an overwhelming majority of men participating in the study claimed that ensuring an orgasm for their partners was a priority for them, and the claim that men are selfish when it comes to sex might only be a myth. So, what’s the truth? Are men selfish in bed, or do most guys prioritize making sure their partners get equal pleasure?

A look beneath the surface

A look beneath the surface might suggest that women are correct. Even guys who insist it is always important that their partner gets equal pleasure during sex may not be as selfless as they appear in deciding priorities. Many men I’ve known (including me) follow the practice of making sure their partners had an orgasm first before they climaxed. That proves we men are thoughtful and mindful of our partners getting equal pleasure, right? I once believed that was true until I took the time to unpack it.

I discovered that I (and probably true of most other guys with the same view) was more concerned about what my partner’s orgasms meant for me than them. When I asked myself who her orgasm was really pleasing, I had to admit it was me. I viewed her orgasm as a benchmark for success, an affirmation that I was great in the sack, almost like a trophy for success. And, on the odd occasion when I had sex with a woman, and she didn’t orgasm, I found it deflating.

While I like to believe I did care about the pleasure and satisfaction my partners received on some level, on reflection, I must accept I was more selfish than selfless when it came to sex. Giving a woman an orgasm made me feel properly masculine and gave me an ego boost, which proves that focusing on giving a partner an orgasm wasn’t all that selfless.

Women are at a disadvantage

I’m sharing this today because it is yet another reason I’m astonished that all women don’t lock their partners in chastity devices. After all, that would eliminate the problem of men behaving selfishly regarding sex. Sure, I understand most vanilla women, even open-minded ones, recoil in disgust when looking at the image of a locked cock and reject the very idea of male chastity. While male chastity is more mainstream than ever, I understand many people still view the use of cock cages as a perverted fetish. But suppose more women only knew how many relationship problems chastity devices would solve for them. In that case, I think most would insist on caging the penises of their partners with the same giddy exuberance with which so many women embraced kinkier sexual practices after reading 50 Shades of Grey or seeing the film based on the book.

Evolution, by default, causes an imbalance in relationships between a man and a woman. Women are at a disadvantage, and by design, our real-world sexual choices tend to reflect biological imperatives that have programmed men and women to approach sex very differently for millions of years. Pregnancy is always possible for women, which is a difficult, costly process, and raising children even more so, meaning they must take sex seriously. By and large, biology conditions women to avoid casual sex and to connect sex with love.

On the other hand, men have no such restraint on their libidos. Their approach to sex tends to reflect the biological imperative to spread their genes as widely as possible at no cost to themselves. Yes, men will settle down with a fertile woman whose fidelity is assured of having legitimate offspring. But many will still sleep around as much as they can, especially with women who possess the key “fertility cues” of youth and physical beauty. These biological truths explain why so many partnered men can’t keep it in thir pants when oppotunities arise and the male attraction to porn and masturbation.

For all its complexity, human sexual desire results from something quite simple—our struggle to survive as a species. Lust, infatuation, and even love are only adaptive techniques humans have developed over our species’ long history to maximize our genes’ chances for survival. The sooner we all come to terms with that, the sooner men won’t have to persuade or beg the women in their lives to lock them in chastity devices. Instead, it will be the women demanding it.

Ringing in the New Year

I finished 2021 wearing the Holy Trainer Nano V4 for a change of pace after wearing the Holy Trainer Nub V4 since December 1. I’d forgotten how much I liked this device. And as much as I love micro chastity devices, it felt good to let things stretch out a little. Sure, I prefer steel, but when you’re in the mood for plastic, Holy Trainer makes some darn great cock cages.

After ringing in 2022 with a traditional champagne toast, I switched from the Nano to my Mature Metal Watchful Mistress since I haven’t worn it for a while.

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Reflecting on My First Full Year of Full Time Chastity

By on Tuesday, December 28, 2021

Rather than feeling sexually repressed, a full year of full-time male chastity has given me a new kind of freedom.

December 31, 2021, marks the date of my first full year in full-time chastity. Technically, it will have been thirteen months or 396 days since I’ve worn a chastity device continuously since December 1, 2020. So, I actually passed the one-year mark on November 30 of this year. Today, I’m reflecting the effects on my first full year of full-time chastity.

How I Got Here

I experimented with wearing a male chastity device, mostly out of curiosity after reading about the experiences of other men. Single and right out of a relationship, I lived alone and worked from home. So I thought, why not order a chastity device and see what it was like to wear one? And there were other reasons beyond curiosity that motivated me to try male chastity.

After my relationship ended, I came to realize that I had developed a sexual compulsion and an addiction to pornography. I also felt that I masturbated entirely too much, which wasted and consumed entirely too much of my time each day. Frankly, masturbation became boring. So, wearing a cock cage consistently seemed like a solution to the habits I’d fallen into that I wanted to change.

Although male chastity devices come in a variety of sizes, colors, and materials, they all perform the same function. By design, they prevent the wearer from getting a full erection, touching themselves, masturbating, fully ejaculating, or engaging in intercourse. The devices typically comprise three pieces—a ring that sits behind the testicles; a tube or cage that encloses the flaccid penis; and a lock of some type to secure the two other components together.

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My Salad Days in Chastity

I bought a device and began wearing it all day, and then while sleeping at night. The self-imposed orgasm denial and inability to get a full erection gave me room to focus on other things. But it was a fairly amateur approach; and usually after only a few days at most, my commitment to remain chaste would wane. When that happened, I’d unlock and return to my old habits.

It seemed having a keyholder to supplement my unreliable self-control was a good idea. So, after some searching on the internet, I met a professional who, to my delight, enjoyed locking men up. She was both knowledgeable and experienced. It was a long distance keyholder relationship, so she kept me honest using numbered plastic locks and frequent inspections where she required me to text photos, proving I was wearing the device and the assigned numbered lock was intact. Soon, my keyholder had me going from days of wearing my device to weeks and then months. While I developed a deep affection for my keyholder and enjoyed the interaction, after a while I felt I had gained sufficient self-control to go it alone and ended our agreement.

My Self-Enforced Full-Time Chastity

After ending the agreement with my first keyholder, I sometimes engaged other professional keyholders short-term whenever I felt I needed the extra support. But for more than a year now, I’ve been enforcing my own chastity. For the past thirteen months I’ve worn a chastity device continuously, removing in only once a week for less than a half-hour for cleaning and a thorough washing of my genitals in the shower. During that time, I’ve allowed myself one orgasm every ninety days, but only when caged. So they aren’t like the orgasms I once experienced. I never masturbate in the usual way, but achieve orgasm only with the use of a powerful vibrator against my cage. 

While I’ve gone from daily masturbation and multiple orgasms to having only four orgasms during the past thirteen months, instead of feeling sexually repressed, I feel a new kind of freedom. I can concentrate more on work and feel more in touch with myself and the world in general.

What's Next

Full-time chastity has changed me and my perspective on many things. I’m still sexually attracted to women, and sometimes miss the intimacy. But I’m not focused on finding a partner for a relationship or to have sex with any longer. I can’t see myself ever desiring another relationship. And since casual sex never interested me much, I suppose I’ll never have intercourse with a woman again. It seems that chapter in my life ended during the past year. But I have no regrets.

Chastity has cured me of habitual masturbation and I no longer need porn. I like being able to look at attractive women I meet now and see them as potential friends rather than possible sexual partners. I’ve always had a healthy respect for women, but chastity has certainly deepened that.

I can’t even imagine not wearing a chastity device full-time anymore. It even feels uncomfortable when I remove my cage for weekly maintenance. The more time you spend locked, the easier it gets as it becomes your new normal. So, I expect to remain permanently chaste for the rest of my life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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The Care and Feeding of the Male in Chastity

By on Thursday, March 11, 2021

Sexual Teasing and Chastity—What it Is, Why It's Important, and How to Do It

There are many real and readily attainable benefits for women who choose to lock their male partner’s penis in a chastity cage. But I’ll be honest. There are trade-offs too, things that will require time and effort on your part if you agree to enforce your husband or partner’s chastity. One of the things involved in the care and feeding of the male in chastity is the requirement for you to devote time and effort to teasing your man regularly.

Sexual teasing is a requisite for doing male chastity properly. It’s so essential that an absence of teasing will ruin the chastity experience for everyone. The necessity of sexual teasing in male chastity and a few tips on how to do it is the topic of this post, the third in the series focused on male chastity from the the female perspective.

If you missed the first two posts, you can find them here and here.

If Only Life Were Simple

If all a woman had to do was lock up her man’s penis, forget it, and reap the benefits, life would be simple. But life is never simple. The same goes for male chastity. If it was, more women would probably feel less reluctant to try male chastity when their men nervously suggest adding it to the relationship mix.

Most guys who desire male chastity would be so thrilled by a partner’s willingness to fulfill their desires by locking them up that for a time that’s all it takes to keep them happy. But as days stretch into weeks, the novelty of wearing a penis cage wears off. Chastity devices hold no inherent magic on their own. The magic comes in when a keyholder enforces chastity properly. Teasing is an essential part of that.

Why Locked and Forgetten Doesn't Work

A guy who is locked and forgotten soon becomes disenchanted with the whole idea of playing the chastity game. Unhappiness turns into dissatisfaction, then into feelings of resentment, and anger. That’s the direct opposite of what want to achieve by putting your man in chastity. That’s why teasing is such an important ingredient. Without it, the only results a woman will see from locking up her man is a petulant, angry, uncooperative guy who won’t want to play the game anymore.

What Teasing Accomplishes

As counter-intuitive as it might sound, when you take away a man’s orgasms and his ability to play with his penis whenever the mood strikes, he finds it very arousing. Chastity is a huge mind fuck.

The sexual frustration a chaste man feels is intense, so intense he experiences a euphoric high from the desperation and his lack of control. That is why a guy becomes super-focused on his partner and the extreme arousal coupled with sexual frustration is what makes the chastity game so much fun for guys to play. The more aroused a denied man stays, the more he likes it. Teasing is what keeps a guy’s arousal at high levels.

But of course we men aren’t wired to sustain high levels of arousal indefinitely without encouragement, and part of being a keyholder and chastity enforcer is the responsibility to provide that encouragement.

Regular teasing is how you keep your man highly aroused and coming back for more. That’s how you reap consistent benefits—massages on demand, satisfying oral sex on your terms, and an eager helper with those household chores. Regular and consistent teasing is how you keep him interested in the game and focused on you. As a result, your confidence soars as you experience the power of being truly in control of your man and both of your sex lives. That is how male chastity is supposed to work.

Rinse and Repeat

To make chastity work for both of you, you cage your man. Your man becomes increasingly horny and needy. You tease your man, He becomes more horny and needy. He may even whine about how needy he feels and beg you to unlock him. But don’t give in. Just keep teasing and let his brain continue to stew in those lovely endorphins and hormones that orgasm denial produces. The more he whines and begs, the more you tease him.

Rinse and repeat for as long as you want him caged and want to reap the benefits of male chastity. Within reason of course. A point will come where the sexual frustration grows until his arousal can’t be sustained and you will have to unlock him and allow him relief. Then you lock him back up and the game begins anew. Just don’t unlock him too soon or too often. That’s because once you allow a guy to orgasm, you must start all over again at ground zero, and for at least a few days those lovely benefits for you will all but disappear.

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Teasing in a Nutshell

Sexual teasing as it relates to male chastity is nothing more than providing some sort of sexual stimulation without allowing a man to orgasm. Teasing can be either physical or non-physical. It can be active or passive. You can remove the cage for teasing or leave it on as it is all up to you as the keyholder. Teasing needn’t consume lots of time. In most cases, a few minutes a day is all that’s required, although you can do it as much as you wish.

Through experimentation, you will soon learn how much teasing it takes to keep your man in that sweet spot of horniness and need. That may not be as much teasing as he wants, but will be as much as he needs to stay highly aroused.

Never feel you must devote entire evenings or hours on weekends to teasing your chaste mate. You will only suffer burnout trying to do too much teasing and then chastity won’t be any fun for you. And if it isn’t fun for you. Then you are the one who will tire of the chastity game.

Active Teasing

We might define active teasing as an activity where you must expend effort. Still, even active teasing may be physical or non-physical. Let’s look first at a few examples of active, physical teasing.

Active Physical Teasing

Physically touching your partner’s genitals with your hands, fingers, or feet is one example of active, physical teasing. That is easily accomplished with his cage locked on since his testicles are exposed and readily available for stimulation. If you’re comfortable with anal play, your caged man’s anus is another fertile target for active, physical teasing. Some chastity couples enjoy introducing pegging into their sexual relationship as a form of teasing.

Removing your man’s cage and permitting him PIV sex is another form of active-physical teasing. The key is not allowing him to orgasm. When you sense he is getting too excited, make him stop until he calms down. Continue with the start and stop, or simply lock him back up when you tire of it.

Regardless of how you choose to do it. active, physical teasing gives your guy the physical sexual stimulation he craves that will keep him horny, needy, and totally focused on you. Now let’s look at active, non-physical teasing.

Active Non-Physical Teasing

Active, non-physical teasing is as simple as you wearing as little as possible around the house when you and your partner are home alone. On weekends, a former partner of mine used to wear only panties and a tight tee-shirt without a bra when we were home alone. She liked dressing comfortably at home, but she also enjoyed teasing me.

Rather than wearing as little as possible, active-non-physical teasing could be wearing sexy clothing like tight shorts or pants, or wearing short dresses while making sure to bend over frequently in your partner’s view.

The ideas here are literally limited only by your imagination. I’m sure by now you’ve figured out how to use your feminine form to maximum effect when you wish to appear alluring to a guy.

Passive Teasing

Let’s define passive teasing as an activity where you don’t have to expend effort, at least not effort to affect the teasing.

Here again, passive teasing may be physical or non-physical. Let’s look at some examples of passive, physical teasing.

Passive Physical Teasing

What comes easily to mind, is you allowing your caged partner to give you oral sex. It’s passive in the sense all you must do is relax and enjoy receiving it.

Similarly, you might masturbate while allowing your caged partner to watch without participating. Yes, you’re expending some effort, but it’s all focused on you so that’s why I consider it passive. I can’t imagine any guy who wouldn’t find that a huge turn-on.

You could switch it around by removing the cage and allowing your partner to masturbate while all you do is passively watch. You might make him perform edges where he masturbates right up to the point of climax, but then has to stop.

Edging is the most fun when you make a guy do series of edges. He masturbates to the edge of orgasm, stops until he calms down, and then repeats the process all over, again and again, for a set number of times. Just don’t allow him to orgasm and lock him back up when you tire of the game.

Other examples of passive, physical teasing is allowing your partner to give you foot or back massages, or allowing him to rub his now useless, caged genitals against your bare bottom when you’re in bed together.

Passive Non-Physical Teasing

Here again, we find virtually endless possibilities for teasing that require no real time or effort on your part and no physical contact.

You might make hubby wear nothing but a pair of your old panties or a pair you bought specifically for him with a tee shirt whenever you’re home alone and while he takes care of whatever household chores you’ve assigned. Unless he is into cross-dressing, he will find that embarrassing, maybe even slightly humiliating. But if he is horny and needy enough, he won’t refuse. And I can almost guarantee the mild embarrassment will cause the contents of his cage to swell uncomfortably the entire time. You can up the ante by telling him how sexy in looks in women’s panties and that you’re thinking about requiring him to wear them as his regular underwear.

Assigning your partner household chores can of itself serve as a form of passive, non-physical teasing. Most guys find it arousing when a woman takes charge and puts them to work cleaning the bathroom, washing the dishes, vacuuming the carpets, etc. while she reclines on the couch watching her favorite television program or reads a book.

Dropping verbal hints that you can’t decide when you might unlock your partner and allow him some relief or making statements that you’re thinking seriously about keeping him locked up permanently is a good form of passive, non-physical teasing.

Some guys like it when their partner tells them how useless or pathetic or tiny their penises look when caged. This is a form of mild humiliation and some men find it very arousing. But unless you already know your man gets off on it, you may want to take it easy at first if you decide to try it.

Continuing with the mild humiliation form of teasing, while you’re out at the mall or supermarket or some other public place, you might point out some attractive guy to your partner. Then say, something like, “I bet that guy has a huge, man-sized cock, honey. It’s making me wet just thinking about what sex might be like with him.” Or use one of your partner’s male co-workers or friends you know in a similar way. Say something like, “You know, honey, I’ve always imagined that [insert person’s name] has a really big cock, much bigger than your tiny thing. I bet he can really satisfy a woman.”

Through passive, non-physical teasing, you get a lot of mileage with little or no real effort on your part that will keep your hubby or partner feeling horny and desperately needy.

More Resources

Here we’ve looked at only the tip of the teasing iceberg with a few examples to stimulate your imagination. If you need more examples, I have a couple of resources I can recommend.

Georgia Ivey Green has a good book on the subject, The Ultimate Guide to Teasing and Denial. I’ve provided the Amazon link so you can use the look inside feature. But the book is also available from other retailers.

My Boy in Chastity’s Blog, is another good resource for teasing ideas. The blogger is a woman whose husband’s request for chastity caught her completely off-guard. She writes about her experiences with it. While this blog is now inactive, it still contains lots of great information for women whose partner’s desire chastity. She learned as she went along, but in the end became exceptionally adept at teasing her husband and keeping his arousal peaking.

Now that you know more about what teasing is with regard to male chastity and that it is pretty simple, maybe it seems less of a barrier to trying chastity with your partner.

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The Ethos of Male Chastity

By on Tuesday, February 23, 2021

The Customs and Character of the Chaste Life Through Enforced Chastity

Enforced chastity is the practice where a male consents to someone else denying him orgasms on a more or less regular basis. This is often accomplished with the use of a chastity device (or cock cage), which prevents a male from touching his penis, achieving full erections, and ejaculating. In this article, I discuss the ethos of male chastity, the customs and character of the male chaste life.

The Unbridled Male Sex Drive

Within the average male there is a tremendous drive to have sex. It’s a natural, fundamental urge that’s impossible for us to ignore, genetically programmed into us by hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. While there is nothing wrong with having a healthy sex drive, the irresistible urges of our male libidos can be like a mighty river at flood stage, sweeping away everything in its path on its journey to reach the sea. One way or another, our sex drive demands release of the pent up sexual energy, not caring whether that gets achieved by destroying everything that stands in the way of us achieving sexual gratification.

Sexual Response Cycle

After a man orgasms his sexual response and desire drops precipitously to their lowest levels. But, as we know from experience, that doesn’t last long. Within twenty-four hours for most us, our sexual response and desire begins to slowly return as our prostates refill. Some guys may barely notice it at first, but within forty-eight to seventy-hours most men are ready again for some relief.

There are a lot of myths about male sexual desire, including the common belief that all men want sex all the time. I’m sure we’ve all heard the tired old trope that we men think with our penises instead of the heads on our shoulders. But it is true that most men think about and want sex more often than the average female. But let’s look now at a new myth being perpetrated today, especially in articles on the wonderful world wide web.

Women Want Sex As Often as Men?

Today we live in a society hyper-focused on equality of the genders at all costs. Instead of the freedom to appreciate the unique differences between males and females, increasingly, we are assailed by rabid social engineer keyboard warriors who insist we are all the same in every way.

For this reason you can find a lot of gibberish on the internet these days claiming that the libidos of men and women are not significantly different and that females desire sex as often as men. Wait! Whut? That has not been my experience.

I’m relying on personal anecdotal evidence here, but I’ve been it what I consider a fairly representative sample of relationships with women. That began with a marriage to a woman that was somewhat sexually repressed. During our marriage if we had sex three times a month, it was a cause for celebration.

After our divorce, I have been in only one relationship with a woman who was at least willing (if not always enthusiastic) to have sex as often as I wanted it. And of all the women I’ve had relationships since divorcing there has been only one woman who wanted sex more often than I did. She wore me flat out, but I was brave and tried never to complain.

Anyone who claims the sex drives of men and women are not materially different are simply full of crap. Either they don’t know what the hell they are talking about, or they are attempting to drive some gender equality narrative that has nothing to do with sex or libidos. Think about it. If nature had wired women to want sex as often as men, economies would collapse and civilizations would crumble because none of us would have time for anything else but sex.

The Reality of Unequal Libidos

Here’s the rub. Since most males desire sex more or less every twenty-four to seventy-two hours and most women do not, that can produce a lot of male sexual frustration. Since most of us guys don’t care to experience sexual frustration much, we to go to a reliable plan B when our partner isn’t interested. We wank, oftentimes accompanied by some motivational porn watching.

In and of itself, there is nothing wrong with masturbation, in moderation. If we’re in a relationship it can be a healthy way to fill in the gaps between our levels of sexual desire and that of a partners with a lower sex drive. It is certainly more healthy than having arguments about having sex. The problem arises when moderation goes out the window and wanking becomes an all too frequent habit. Many studies have shown that most guys masturbate daily, and some masturbate multiple times daily.

Sometimes when men masturbate excessively, it’s only because it feels so good they want to do it a lot. But, excessive masturbation can also come about because of the disparity between the sex drives of the genders. When a guy’s female partner rejects having sex with him, especially when rejection is frequent, it can feel like it is a rejection of his whole person. Also, guys may feel they are reduced to begging every time they want sex.

It’s not that we expect our partners to say yes every single time, but well, you get tired of continual rejection and having to beg. That can suck all the pleasure out of even having sex. Wanking seems a no-brainer. You get what you need without any chance of rejection and without having to beg for sex. But this too can lead to problems. It isn’t an exaggeration to say that excessive masturbation can be a relationship killer.

I’ll offer another personal anecdote. Once I was in a relationship with a woman who didn’t need or desire sex as often as I did. I often showered right before bed so I could wank because it helped me sleep better and I knew better than to expect sex. Invariably, there were times after I’d masturbated that she unexpectedly was in the mood for sex. At best, I wasn’t in the mood since I’d already satisfied my urges. Usually, I tried to accommodate her, but often wasn’t able to sustain an erection because I’d already ejaculated minutes before getting into bed. Good times.

Wanking and Porn the Silent Relationship Killers

Problems also arise for men who fall into the habit of staying up an hour or two or three to watch porn and wank after their significant other goes to bed. It starts because a guy has little confidence he will get sex, so why not stay up and get what you need? But after a while, he can become so satisfied with the porn and the wanking that he doesn’t really care whether she wants to have sex or not.

Personally, I’ve never known a woman, even a sexually liberated one, who was okay with that. They feel hurt, upset, and resentful. Soon the relationship starts to crumble. That’s because sex is not only a physical, pleasurable act for either gender. There is more to it than just getting naked and sharing a physical act. Experiencing emotional connection, closeness, and intimacy is also a large part of sex for both men and women. That is the part excessive masturbation can destroy, the very underpinnings of a successful relationship.

It Isn't Only About Sex For Men

I think I speak for many men when I say we want to be devoted to our wives or romantic partners. When a woman captures our hearts, we have an innate desire to do anything to please her and to make her feel happy and cared for. We are even willing to make sacrifices for her by making our needs secondary to her needs. This is not as unusual as some might believe. Given the right relational environment and guidance, these natural male qualities can contribute to a foundation upon which successful relationships thrive.

All most of us want in return is to feel loved and desired. We all want to feel like we matter to our partners and that our sexual organs have value to them. That’s why frequent rejection feels so damaging.

And sometimes, we want the rules and roles in the bedroom reversed. We want our partners to give the compliments, flirt with us, seduce us, and to initiate sex. This is important to us because when our partners initiate sexual activity it is the ultimate, the most clear way we feel desired.

That may seem to fly in the face of conventional wisdom. Both men and women are conditioned to seeing women’s bodies being the objects of desire. For this reason, I think many women are completely unaware that men feel this way about being desired.

Embracing The Ethos of Male Chastity

If what I’ve expressed here strikes a chord with you, exploring the ethos of male chastity might be for you. The practice of chastity, enforced by your partner, can transform your relationship in ways you may find unimaginable.

A woman who locks her man’s penis in a chastity device can expect to gain a more caring and attentive lover. Chastity can help a man learn to be humble, servant-minded, and more attuned to his instinctual male nature to lovingly yield his heart to his partner and to discover that her pleasure can become his greatest pleasure.

For many men, wearing a cock cage can become not only a reflection of their value but also a feeling of acceptance by their partner and a near immediate fulfillment of their need to feel desired.

The chaste life, while difficult at first and something that requires an adjustment period, offers so much more than the fleeting seconds of pleasure a guy gets from ejaculating semen every twenty-four to seventy-hours. So, if trying chastity has been something you’ve thought about but you’ve never taken the first step, maybe now is the time to sit down with your wife or romantic partner to have a serious talk about enforced male chastity.

First Steps

If you’re curious about male chastity and what it can do for you and your relationship, don’t put it off any longer. Take the first steps toward embracing the chaste life. On our chastity device review page, you can read reviews of a variety of chastity devices. Some of the custom-made models require a significant investment. But you will also find reviews for many well-made cock cages that cost lest than a hundred bucks and others that cost less than $20. An inexpensive device is often the best choice for a guy just getting started.

Next, do some reading. You will find many informative articles on this website aimed at beginners. There are also now many great books available on the topic of male chastity. Besides my book, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Male Chastity, I recommend Locked in Love by Key Barrett. Once you’ve read these books, they are both great for passing off to your partner when you feel ready to have the chastity talk with her. If you’re a guy ready to re-imagine your relationship, don’t put it off any longer. Take those first steps now.

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Know Thyself Before Having the Chastity Talk With Your Partner

By on Wednesday, February 17, 2021

7 Questions You Should Ask Yourself and Answer Before Having the Chastity Talk With Your Partner

To Know Thyself is the Beginning of Wisdom

Before you can expect your wife or girlfriend to understand your chastity desires, you must first understand them yourself. This may seem obvious, but the truth is too many guys are drawn more to the fantasy of enforced chastity than to the reality of it. They spend little if any real time reflecting on and coming to grips with their desires before bringing up chastity with their partners and asking them to lock them up.

You should be able to articulate responses to questions like those I’ll suggest in a moment before bringing up your chastity desires with your significant other because she may pose questions just like them in an attempt to understand why you want her to lock up your cock.

Asking yourself the questions below can help you clearly define your own chastity desires and needs which will better prepare you for discussing chastity with your partner.

To get the real benefit from these question, you must be brutally honest with yourself and willing to separate fantasy from reality. Think carefully about each question and give yourself time to fully answer each one.

1. Why do I want to be locked in chastity?

The desire to be dominated by a woman is one of the most common male sexual fantasies. That’s one reason why the idea of male chastity resonates so strongly with so many of us. And that’s why it’s so important to understand the difference between your fantasy desires and the practical realities of chastity before discussing your desires with your partner.

There’s nothing wrong with having sexual fantasies, but understanding how much of your desire for chastity is based on sexual fantasy can help you understand whether your fantasies are realistic.

2. What do I expect chastity to do for me?

Once you’ve seperated fantasy from reality, think about your expectations for chastity. Do you expect chastity will make you a better husband or partner by making you more loving and attentive? Is chastity a means of curbing masturbation which seems to have grown excessive? Do you have a wandering eye and chastity seems a good way to ensure that you remain faithful in your relationship?

There are no wrong answers here. It’s just good to know what your expectations are.

3. What is the maximum length of time I want to be locked up at a stretch?

Is chastity only something new and very exciting you want to add to your sexual repertoire and extends only to the bedroom? Or do you want it to encompass every day situations outside the bedroom?

Don’t make the mistake of telling your wife or girlfriend you want her lock you up and throw away the key when all you really want is to spend a few hours during the weekend with your cock locked before sex to spice things up in the bedroom.

4. Do I want to be dominated and subservient to my keyholder?

Do you desire only to submit sexually to your partner or do you want her to actually dominate you? Or do you want her to take charge in other ways and become the primary decision maker in your relationship. Do you want to serve her in other ways beyond the sexual?

This is important because unless your wife or girlfriend has an inner dominatrix itching to get out, dominance may not be her nature. People often confuse assertiveness with dominance and they aren’t they same thing. Almost every woman I’ve been in relationships was assertive, some of them extremely so. But none were dominant.

If your partner isn’t dominant, you won’t be able to teach her to become dominant, and she won’t be able to learn to be dominant from reading books. You can’t make someone into something they aren’t, not to mention your partner may have no desire to be dominant in the first place. If you’re expecting that, you are probably setting yourself up for disappointment. That doesn’t mean a woman who isn’t dominant can’t be an effective keyholder. It only means she may not be able to meet your needs for dominance in other areas.

5. Do I have a submissive nature?

If your partner has a dominant nature or is intrigued with the idea of exploring dominance to find out if she has a dominant bent, you must ask yourself if you have a submissive nature. If not, after your fantasies have been sated you may grow increasingly resentful of your partner’s exercise of dominance over you.

Not every guy who wants his partner to lock up his cock is submissive. A guy who isn’t might like playing the dominant-submissive game for awhile, but may tire of it quickly once the rubber meets the road and his partner takes charge and starts saying no when he feels desperate for sexual release.

6. Do I want to use chastity to spice things up in the bedroom, or do I want it to become a way of life?

You should have some idea about the answer to this question at the start. It doesn’t mean a guy who only wants to be locked up for short periods of time at the beginning won’t discover later that he wants permanent chastity. But unless you’re sure permanent chastity is what you want, never tell your partner it is.

If your wife or girlfriend agrees to lock you in a chastity device, she will soon start to see positive changes in you that benefit her and the relationship. Imagine the crushing disappointment she will feel when just as she starts seeing and appreciating the benefits of male chastity you tell her you’ve discovered it isn’t what you want after all.

Unless you know for sure, permanent or at least long-term chastity is what you want, make sure you ask only for a trial period when you do have the chastity talk with your partner.

7. In what situations do I most want to be locked up? Are there occasions I won't want to be locked up?

Do you only want to wear a cock cage when at home or all the time? Are there times you won’t want to wear a cage like when on vacations, or when you go to the gym, as two examples? Some women take to male chastity quickly once they start seeing the benefits.

Once your partner agrees to lock you up, she may have different ideas about how often and when she wants you caged that differ from your ideas.

Who Needs Frustration and Disappointment?

This isn’t an exhaustive list of questions, but looking deep inside yourself and answering these seven basic questions will go a long way toward having male chastity meet your expectations. That can keep a dive into chastity from disappointing you or your partner.

Guys must understand something. Unless your partner has a sexually adventurous side or kink is already part of the relationship, when you first bring up the subject of male chastity and orgasm denial, your wife or girlfriend is going to be surprised. She might even be shocked when you tell her of your intense desires and willingness to turn your sexual fantasies into reality. She may even be disgusted by the whole idea. In the world of most vanilla women, male chastity is not “normal” and her mind will likely scream, “No! NOT interested!”

But after some thought, and a few persuasive tactics from you, she may agree, at least to a trial. She might put aside all of her preconceived notions about cock cages and orgasm denial, and give it the old college try. Then she starts noticing some positive improvements in your day-to-day behavior, not to mention a spiced up sex life. She actually starts seeing some serious potential in this male chastity thing. “Hey, this could be a lot of fun. He’s much more attentive and nice to be around when he’s craving an orgasm.” She quickly makes the connection between your behavior and how badly you want to orgasm. You are willing to do anything to please her. Thanks to chastity, you’ve become the most perfect partner a girl could ever dream of or want.

Then reality rears its ugly head. You realize that chastity and being unable to orgasm as often as you were accustomed to leaves you feeling deprived. You start thinking the whole chastity thing is not really what you thought it would be. When you communicate that to your partner, she is legitimately frustrated. You wanted to play this weird chastity game and she gave it an honest effort. Now, just when she was beginning to really like all of the benefits chastity was bringing to the relationship, you don’t want to play any more. Imagine her frustration.

In summary, be sure about what you want, need, and expect from chastity before you ever bring in up. Like Socrates famously said, “To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” If you don’t answer questions like those I’ve proposed in advance, dipping your toe into male chastity can become an unmitigated disaster which may send shock waves throughout your entire relationship. In my experience, that situation is best avoided.

Next post, I’ll talk about what NOT to say when having the chastity talk with your significant other and asking your wife or girlfriend to lock up your cock.

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Male Chastity—Only a Kink or Sexual Fetish?

By on Friday, December 18, 2020
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One of the common obstacles a guy must often overcome when trying to persuade his wife or girlfriend to lock him in chastity is the prevalent notion that male chastity is only a kink or sexual fetish. Is it? Let’s talk about that and find the answer.

Defining Kink and a Sexual Fetish

While people often use the terms “kink” and “fetish” interchangeably, the terms refer to different things.

A kink is an activity or behavior that someone enjoys that exists outside the “norms” of “traditional” sex. For example, someone’s kink might be bondage. They may be incredibly excited when they’re tied up because they find restraint sexually stimulating. Bondage arouses them. It’s important to remember that what may be kinky to one person may be considered vanilla by another. We are all different and embrace different sexual “norms.”

What defines a fetish, though, isn’t an activity so much as its role in someone’s sexual response cycle. In psychology, a fetish is a term used to describe sexual excitement coupled with a typically non-sexual object. Sometimes they add a fetish object is something a person cannot get sexually aroused without. I can’t entirely agree with that point. Common fetish objects include things like shoes, feet, women’s panties.

Here is why I disagree with the idea that a fetish object is something a person cannot get sexually aroused without. I’ve always suspected that I have something of a panty fetish because seeing female panties is something I find arousing. I don’t mean wearing them, but looking at them.

Panties needn’t even be worn by an attractive model in, say, a lingerie catalog for me to find them arousing to look at. Looking at a display of panties in a store has the same effect. Yet, I find plenty of other things sexually arousing. I don’t have to have panties to experience sexual excitement. So, I think we can leave the definition of a sexual fetish as arousal coupled with some typically non-sexual object.

Is a Chastity Device a Fetish Object?

Like panties, I find chastity devices arousing to look at as many men do. Just window-shopping the various online retailer websites can stoke sexual excitement. Some guys find the devices so sexually arousing they have difficulty putting one on because they become erect while trying to do so.

I think it fair to say that chastity devices can be fetish objects, but that isn’t what defines them. After all, even though some people view shoes or attractive feet as fetish objects, they are still just shoes and feet in the greater scheme of things. I’m only guessing here, but I suspect it’s true that they are fetish objects for some men who wear chastity devices but for others, they aren’t. For some chaste guys, it seems likely it’s the bondage aspect, the orgasm denial, or the control a key holder exerts over them that they find arousing, not the device itself.

Chastity devices can be fetish objects, but they are not only fetish objects.

Where Did the Notion of Chastity as a Kink Come From?

It’s easy to understand why may vanilla people so often dismiss male chastity as a kink. The gay and BDSM communities have eroticized sexual denial and orgasm control for decades, and makers of the first modern male chastity devices aggressively marketed the devices to those communities first.

Male chastity devices are still hugely popular in BDSM play and D/s relationships as well as the gay community. Many younger gay men wear male chastity devices presumably because it fits with the whole boi vibe.

A London-based retailer, Tickleberry, which claims to be “at the very heart of all things fetish and BDSM,” says this about why men desire male chastity. “It’s a secret fetish that your man finds highly provocative, arousing, and very sexy, to the point that even just an image of a chastity device could cause the beginnings of an erection.”

While that may be the view of Tickleberry’s fetish and BDSM focused customer base, male chastity has long since gone mainstream and now transcends only a fetish or kink activity. Chastity devices are now the third most popular sex toy. Today, people buy only more dildos and vibrators than chastity devices. More and more men buy and wear chastity devices today for reasons like curbing masturbation or gaining the ability to focus more on their partner’s sexual pleasure than their own.

Also, there has been an explosion of manufacturers worldwide offering inexpensive devices of various materials from silicone to plastic to steel. It’s no longer necessary to spend two hundred dollars or more to purchase a decent chastity device. As a result, plenty of vanilla guys with no interest in BDSM are buying and wearing male chastity devices.

The Future of Male Chastity

I think for various reasons, male chastity will only continue to grow more mainstream. I think there is already enough widespread interest in wearing chastity devices among all types of men to consider it mainstream now. When it truly takes off, I believe, is when more vanilla women decouple chastity from the realm of kink, fetishes, and start to embrace it as the relationship enhancer chastity can be. I see the day coming when it will become just as common for women to ask to lock their male partners in chastity as for guys to request it.

There is plenty of room in the male chastity tent for all views. But male chastity has not been only a kink or sexual fetish in a good long while. It’s rapidly becoming a mainstream lifestyle option for anyone who embraces it. So, even if you’re not into BDSM or kink in general and don’t view a chastity device as a fetish object, you can still be a proud member of the chastity community.

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Breaking the Cycle of Excessive Masturbation With Male Chastity

By on Wednesday, December 16, 2020

Hundreds of thousands of years of evolution have programmed males with the urge to have sex with as many partners as possible as often as possible to propagate the species. Thus, males are procreative creatures preoccupied with and driven to release ejaculate making the male orgasm linked inextricably with the procreative act.

It’s not that men consciously have sex because they want children, yet the result of the sex act is the emission of a fluid that is only good for that singular purpose.

Unlike males, women can orgasm purely for pleasure that has nothing to do with procreation. Still, it’s virtually impossible for men to orgasm without ejaculating semen, the bodily fluid useful only for procreation.

Something interesting about this is how humans differ from other primates when it comes to masturbation. Scientists tell us that humans aren’t the only animal species that masturbates. There have even been a handful of studies that tracked the masturbatory behaviors of nonhuman primates. The scientific studies show that masturbation to completion is an exceedingly rare phenomenon in other species with capable hands very much like our own.

Male Masturbation

As anyone who has ever been to a zoo probably knows, there’s no question that other primates play with their genitalia. But these diddling episodes seldom lead to an intentional orgasm. With human males, it is quite a different story. Masturbation is nearly always continued until orgasm and ejaculation of semen. Perhaps that’s because, as males, we are slaves to the evolutionary prime directive to release semen. One thing is certain. Among other animal species, humans are unique. We masturbate a lot, and nearly always, it leads to intentional orgasm.

Some guys masturbate more than others. There is no “normal” frequency. Some do it daily, some weekly, and some rarely. Several studies show that many men have difficulty abstaining from masturbation for more than seventy-two hours, even those who have partner sex available regularly.

To be clear, masturbation is healthy, and it has lots of positive health benefits, including stress relief, help to get to sleep, reduced tension, boosted immunity, and more. But as with any of the true pleasures in life, moderation is key. If you’re masturbating to an excessive degree, you run the risk of it not only interfering with your daily routine but your overall perception of life and fulfillment, too. You might even become obsessive about it.

The male sex drive can become dependent on your pattern of masturbation and sexual release (orgasm) frequency. If you masturbate and orgasm every day, your body gets used to that pattern. It’s not unlike a drug addiction, where you need to continually increase your dosage of the substance to experience the same pleasurable effects. Most guys would agree, the more often you masturbate, the less intense and satisfying the orgasms you experience. That’s largely due to the levels of two hormones—prolactin and dopamine.

Male Orgasm and the roles of Prolactin and Dopamine

Research indicates that prolactin levels increase following orgasm and are involved in a feedback loop that decreases arousal through inhibitory central dopaminergic and probably peripheral processes. “Orgasm can cause a significant spike in prolactin levels (approximately 10 to 15ng/ml) immediately after and upwards to 10-60 minutes later.” [1] This spike is dependent on ejaculation and does not occur under non-orgasmic arousal. This prolactin spike serves to suppress further sexual desires. As prolactin rises, dopamine is reduced as the two hormones can be seen as antagonistic to each other.

Dopamine is a hormone produced by the hypothalamus, a particularly well-publicized player in the brain’s reward pathway. It is released when we do things that feel good to us. During sex and masturbation, while we are receiving erectile stimulation, dopamine levels are high and motivate us to desire continued stimulation because it feels good. As long as dopamine remains high, sexual desire remains high.

Marnia Robinson, the author of Cupid’s Poison Arrow, refers to prolactin as the “I don’t love you anymore hormone” because an increase in prolactin usually makes a man less interested in having sex with a partner. Interestingly, orgasm and ejaculation from masturbation cause less of a spike in prolactin than intercourse with a partner. That may explain why a guy may not feel the desire to have sex with a partner but then stays up watching porn and masturbating after their partner goes to bed.

Are You Masturbating Too Much?

While there is no “normal” masturbation frequency, it’s clear that masturbation frequency becomes excessive at some point. That is particularly true when you are neglecting other areas of your life to spend time masturbating. Here are some of the most common indicators of excessive masturbation.

Modifying your daily life to engage in masturbation even when there are negative outcomes (missing work, school, family, and community responsibilities).

  • Choosing masturbation over work, school, spending time with your family, sex with your partner, and other responsibilities regularly.

 

  • Feeling deregulated, irritable, frustrated, and angry when masturbation is not an option because you’re unable to regulate your mood in the absence of sexual activity.

 

  • The frequency of your need to masturbate continues to increase.

 

  • Trouble concentrating because you’re losing sleep due to masturbating or watching internet pornography.

 

  • Engaging in risky behaviors while masturbating to fulfill sexual desires (voyeurism, masturbating in public places).

 

Excessive masturbation is often marked by a constant need to expand your sexual activities. For example, you might feel compelled to incorporate more elements of danger into your sex life for more of a thrill or need to seek increasingly hard-core pornography to reach an orgasm.

Masturbation and sex are two different practices, and so are porn and real-life sex. Porn is not a representation of how most people have sex in real life. Excessive masturbation and porn watching can make it difficult for you to maintain realistic expectations about what you see in porn vs. what you expect from partners in real life. That can harm your relationships and sex life.

Benefits of Curbing Masturbation and Frequent Ejaculation

Masturbation can be a surprising source of procrastination. Reducing that distraction can allow you to get more done on more worthwhile activities.

Reducing masturbation frequency can help you connect more physically and emotionally with your partner, improving your relationship.

Less masturbation can lead to less porn consumption, which we all know can be a real time suck.

How Male Chastity Can Help

Nothing is harder when trying to break a habit than going cold turkey. That’s why when I decided to give up smoking, I turned to vaping. Sure, vaping may not be a healthy choice either, but it seems better than smoking. Plus, since I started vaping, I don’t feel the urge to vape nearly as much as I did to smoke. You can similarly use chastity to help you break out of an overly frequent masturbation cycle. While wearing a chastity cage, there is no way to stimulate yourself, and you will probably avoid porn like the plague.

The first few days are a challenge, but after five to seven days, you actually start to enjoy the buzz of constant arousal as your brain marinates in dopamine. Also, with your penis no longer an option for a quick pleasure fix, you may very well discover stimulating other neglected parts of your body feels pleasurable.

Spending a day at work locked in a chastity device can be a great way of getting in the mood for an evening in, providing a constant, unforgettable reminder of who you will be going home to. It’s a sexy secret you’ll share with your partner, however far apart you might be. If you prefer, you can prolong the chastity further—a few days at a time works well as a means of getting all hot and bothered in anticipation of a weekend with your partner. Male chastity is fantastic as an occasional way for spicing up your sex life, or you can make it a regular part of your erotic repertoire. It’s all up to you and your partner.

Alternatively, you may wish to consider longer-term chastity. Once your body adjusts to a chastity device, there’s no reason why you can’t wear one all the time aside from the occasional break for hygiene purposes.

A desire to curb excessive masturbation and reduce porn consumption is one of the top reasons men turn to chastity. If that’s a concern for you, perhaps you should consider giving chastity a try.

Cut to the Chaste is here to help. You’ll find tips and best practices on the site like this post that outlines a chastity device wearing schedule that will help your body quickly and safely adjust to wearing a chastity cage.

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