male chastity Archives - Cut to the Chaste

A Debate Over Orgasm Denial and Chastity

By Chaste on Friday, December 29, 2023

Quite often I see it suggested in forum discussions and blogs about male chastity that orgasm denial is not only the height of it but the whole point of chastity. Sentiments to the effect that we shouldn’t even call it chastity but enforced orgasm denial. Though I agree orgasm denial powers much of the experiences that we derive from it, I think there is a lot more to chastity than just orgasm denial.

To begin with, let’s define what orgasm denial means. Concisely put, it is the practice of delaying or denying orgasm to either oneself or a partner during some sexual activity. Whether we’re approaching it from the perspective of ancient texts such as the Kama Sutra, or the view from BDSM, which in modern times has played a significant role in popularizing and normalizing orgasm denial, many people engage in the practice for its various benefits. Having more intense and pleasurable orgasms later on after building up your sexual desire by delaying gratification is but one of the physical and psychological benefits of orgasm denial.

Psychologically, orgasm denial can serve as a form of power exchange between partners, with one person taking control and the other submitting. It can also be a way to explore and push boundaries, as well as to deepen intimacy and trust in a relationship. There are various ways to practice orgasm denial, with edging, teasing, and total denial being some of the more common techniques. There are a lot of ways to incorporate orgasm denial into a relationship. One of those ways is using a chastity device.

Male Chastity

Here the focus is on male chastity, not only because that is the subject of this blog. It’s also because men are more interested in practicing chastity than women. Not to say there aren’t chastity belts women can wear. There are and some women enjoy wearing them and practicing chastity, but the numbers are not even close to the number of men who want to wear chastity devices.

Having some experience with subjecting women to orgasm denial in the context of dominance and submission, here is what I’ve observed. With only a few exceptions, I have observed that women don’t enjoy long periods of orgasm denial. Most, after only a short period, become irritable, disagreeable, and frustrated.

Instead of increasing sexual desire, persisting with orgasm denial past a certain point causes women to lose all interest in sexual activity. Many men, on the other hand, thrive when denied orgasms for long periods and for them, desire rises and can remain at high levels consistently for weeks as long as they receive regular teasing. While I have no human sexuality research training or qualifications, I suspect from what I’ve observed, the difference in response to orgasm denial is simply a product of the difference between the male and female libido. And that is why the practice of chastity is more popular with men than women.

Too Much of a Good Thing

I respond to orgasm denial in the same way as most males. When wearing a chastity device and denied, my desire rises and stays at a high level for weeks on end with consistent teasing. I find that pleasurable because desire feels good. Yes, I also experience frustration, but it’s a sweet form of torture. I take a lot longer to reach it than women, but eventually, just like women, I too arrive at a point when the denial goes on too long where my desire falls and I lose interest in sexual activity.

At least in my experience, there comes a point when orgasm denial can become too much of a good thing and no longer feels pleasurable. When that happens, no amount of teasing increases my desire. That doesn’t change until I orgasm and my body resets. Then I’m ready for another round. That is one reason I have never viewed orgasm denial as the be all and end all of chastity as some do. To me, chastity and wearing chastity devices specifically are more about orgasm control than orgasm denial. While some conflate them, permanent chastity and permanent denial are not the same thing.

Orgasm Control Versus Orgasm Denial

It’s actually difficult to find an accurate definition of orgasm control with a web search these days, which wasn’t true when I first got involved in kink. Why? Because these days, most people treat orgasm control and orgasm denial as if the terms are interchangeable. They aren’t. In the context of male chastity, orgasm control can include orgasm denial, but it is so much more than just that. Orgasm control can mean any of several sexual activities involving delaying, denying, allowing, or even forcing orgasm, sometimes in combination. Viewing male chastity as nothing more than total orgasm denial is at best a myopic perspective. Yet more and more people embracing the male chastity kink are simultaneously embracing this point of view.

Among the male wearers of chastity devices, crowing about how many months or years have passed since your last unlock and last orgasm or when your partner last allowed you to have sex with them have become the currency of the various forums and blogs devoted to male chastity discussions. For more and more keyholders, from spouses to partners to professionals, the mantra is to keep your male permanently locked and denied. This is the cornerstone of happiness for both you and him. Many keyholders believe it best to strike a balance between keeping their male completely denied while not extinguishing all hope that he might at some future time gain sexual release. Meanwhile, the keyholder gets her sexual needs met by her dedicated male pleasuring her whenever and however she wants it, or better yet, by cuckolding him and having another less submissive and better endowed male pleasuring her sexually. I think this total orgasm denial approach is the way where madness lies and it is also more the stuff of fantasy than reality.

Could Orgasm Control Chastity Be the More Realistic Approach?

By definition, wearing a chastity device with another holding the keys means ceding control of both your penis and your access to sexual pleasure and orgasms to another. And for it to work, you must allow the keyholder to exercise control or else the entire arrangement is a sham and unworkable. But giving up such control does not mean you’ve acquiesced to a permanent orgasm embargo.

Like any kink, chastity requires the consent of both parties. I’m fine with wearing a chastity device and surrendering control to a keyholder on a more or less continuous basis. But I don’t see the wisdom of consenting to never getting an orgasm or even getting only one or two per year. That’s because I know that’s unrealistic.

I know that when orgasm denial goes on for too long, my arousal plateaus and no amount of teasing will revive it. Absent those powerfully pleasing feelings of constant heightened arousal, I will no longer desire chastity. In fact, I will grow to resent it. Yes, I understand a keyholder may much prefer the locked and denied me over me who has had an orgasm recently. But I know she will also not prefer the plateaued me that she has kept in denial for too long when I become resentful, surly, and uncooperative.

Yes, she is entitled to exercise the control I’ve surrendered to her. She may deny me at her whim, but only within reason, for both our sakes. That’s why a wise keyholder employs all the tools from the orgasm control arsenal, not just continual total denial. I think orgasm denial in chastity is best thought of in terms of delay rather than complete negation. While the keyholder most definitely should decide the when, it should never be a question of if regarding a chastised male’s opportunity to orgasm. That doesn’t mean she should allow orgasms liberally, but should allow them regularly.

Length of Denial Best Practices

There is a school of thought shared by many experienced keyholders I agree with. Once a male has acclimated to wearing a chastity device more or less comfortably for an extended period, the initial lockup period should be 90 days. That is the minimum time necessary to give him an experience like none he has ever had before. And at the end of the 90 days, when the keyholder, after lots of teasing, finally lets him cum, it will happen quickly and feel almost too intense for his body to handle. The 90 days will also allow him time to truly embrace chastity and for the keyholder to establish her authority.

After the initial lockup, I see no valid reason for a keyholder to keep her male locked and denied for over three months ever again. There are different views about how often a keyholder should allow her male to cum after the initial denial period. But the measure used should be weeks, not months and definitely not years if a keyholder and her male expect the best results.

For a younger male, the keyholder may let him have an orgasm about once a week. That’s still a large reduction for someone who probably masturbated to orgasm daily besides any sex he enjoyed. For keyholders with older males, the period between orgasms might be about 14 days, 21 days, or even a month. It should never be exactly the same number of days because the keyholder doesn’t want her male to predict when she will allow him an orgasm. And it needn’t always be a full, unrestricted orgasm.

Ruined orgasms can work just as well without decreasing the male’s level of arousal much at all. Yet a ruined orgasm will prevent his arousal from plateauing, which a keyholder should always want to avoid.

Establishing the proper interval between orgasms is a function of observation. After the initial 90-day lockup and first release, a keyholder need only observe her male after relocking him to see how long he stays in that “sweet spot” of increased focus and attentiveness. Once he becomes surly or resentful, even with consistent teasing, that shows it is time she should allow him a release or some type.

Another technique a keyholder can use is milking (stimulating the prostate gland until the male expresses prostate fluid). Milking accomplished a similar purpose as ruined orgasms, avoiding plateauing while only modestly lowering a male’s arousal. He won’t have to start over at ground zero before his desire peaks again. Yet another tactic a keyholder can use is allowing only an in cage orgasm with the application of a powerful vibrator to the cage. Many men describe in cage orgasms as feeling similar to ruined orgasms. That’s because it’s an orgasm in the absence of a full erection. These alternative techniques help the occasional full, unrestricted orgasm to remain something special for the male, allowed by the keyholder only on special occasions.

Total Denial Chastity May Not Be Healthy

Having read many chastity forum and blog posts, I’ve noticed something I find disturbing. It seems many men kept in near total orgasm denial develop almost a version of Stockholm syndrome, a condition seen in hostage-taking, kidnapping, and abusive relationships.

The power imbalance is so great and the psychological connection between the chastised male and keyholder so profound that the male grows so sympathetic to his keyholder’s needs and desires he loses the ability to consider his own. He believes he is unworthy of even having penetrative sex with his spouse or partner because his penis is inadequate to give her the pleasure and satisfaction she deserves. This makes him feel unworthy of even engaging in self-pleasure or of having orgasms.

From there, it becomes quite easy for him to rationalize his keyholder has every right to get her sexual gratification from another, more well-endowed male capable of satisfying her. He not only approves of it, but encourages it and some will eagerly help procure more worthy sexual partners for their wife or partner. And these days, there are plenty of books and blogs written by FLR advocates who encourage keyholders to embrace cuckolding and give them tips on how to sell the idea to their chastised males.

Just like the actual Stockholm syndrome, this chastity version brought about by total denial chastity is unhealthy, bordering on abuse. There are powerful, naturally produced chemicals circulating in the brains of a man denied orgasms for an extended period. I’m convinced the longer this goes on, the less able a man is to make good decisions on his own behalf. After all, these same chemicals have given rise to the maxim that “men think with their penis” justified because many men, during times of extreme sexual arousal, often make poor decisions that they end up regretting in the interest of sexual gratification. I think there can come a point where a denied male isn’t even capable of giving informed consent. Could this explain the current rising popularity of cuckolding and feminization in chastity circles?

For me, the best and healthiest approach is to separate chastity fantasy from chastity reality. And doing that means not viewing male chastity as the zero-sum game of total denial (or near to it) as the pinnacle of the chastity experience. Instead, I believe it’s orgasm control that should be the focus. It isn’t up to me to prescribe a right way or judge a wrong way of doing chastity. Here I’m speaking only about myself. And I believe there is a lot more to chastity than just orgasm denial. At least, I think there should be.

male chastity

The Kink3D Fusion Pink Cobra Has Landed and DD Update

By Chaste on Monday, December 4, 2023

The Kink3D Fusion Pink Cobra N+ that I ordered during the Kink3D Black Friday sale arrived yesterday. My first impressions of the new device and a DD update in today’s post.

While I never expected to justify the spend for one of the Kink3D Fusion Pink models, the 20% off Black Friday sale persuaded me to pull the trigger. I still think the price is a little higher than it should be, but it’s a nice device and the color is insane. It showed up two days earlier than promised, but a day too late for my first lock with Amanda.

Kink3D Fusion Pink Cobra First Impressions

Fusion Pink is very pink indeed, pretty much a hot pink. And I sort of like it. I moved up one size from my black Cobra N to the N+ model and wish a little I’d ordered the small size instead. But the N+ is slightly longer and roomier. The best thing is now that I have both a black and fusion pink model, I can save $40 if I ever decide to get another model by ordering just the cage and using my existing Kink3D base rings. I also ordered another Airlock accessory in the fusion pink so I can use the new device with plastic, numbered locks.

The finish on this device, both the cage and base ring, doesn’t feel quite as smooth to the touch as those of my black Cobra. You can probably even see in the above photo what I’m talking about. The device images are of my actual device. I assume the new color is responsible for that, although I have no inside knowledge about the manufacturing process and am only speculating.

The finish isn’t rough by any stretch, but is definitely less smooth. In fact, I expect the base ring to feel a little grippier than the one belonging to my black N model. That could be good or bad, but it will be a week before I find out.

One change Amanda has made to my usual routine is she requires a weekly hygiene unlock for cleaning. And she has already given me permission to try out the new device after my hygiene unlock next Saturday. If it feels okay, which I expect it will, I’ll finish the month wearing it and post a review once I have a good feel for it.

Denial December Update

I’m three days in to DD with Amanda and things couldn’t be better. She has been all the things as a keyholder I’ve missed about Lucie. She isn’t the same as Lucie, of course, as she lacks the sadist bit. But that’s okay. While Lucie’s sadistic bent kept me on my toes, I’m growing fond of Amanda’s style of dominance, which is a little more on the nurturing side than cruel.

Lucie had her days when she was wonderfully caring and kind, but also days she was in the mood to be heartless and cruel. In contrast, Amanda is kind and caring all the time and has more of a correction philosophy than a punishment mindset when you don’t quite perform to her expectations. But like Lucie, she is a bit of a perfectionist, something I’ve noticed in many dominant women. Perhaps it is the nature of the beast, so to speak. At any rate, I couldn’t be happier thus far.

The best part is during November my desire really plateaued at a low level, but in only three days Amanda already has me back in the groove at the heightened levels Lucie always sustained. DD promises to be far more of a challenge than NNN was for me and I’m loving it.

We’re working out the details, but Amanda and I have already agreed we both want to finish December together and then we’ll see what comes next. I’m already feeling the trust and chemistry developing and I’m very hopeful Amanda offers the permanence I’ve been looking for.

Hope everyone taking part in DD is having a good month so far. Just 28 days to go.

male chastity

Does Wanting Chastity Mean You Are Submissive?

By Chaste on Wednesday, September 13, 2023

Recently, I’ve posted a lot about submission. That’s because Lucie has shown a unique ability to access and exploit the sexually submissive side of my nature. Having spent much of my life denying the existence of that part of me, it amazes me to see how easily Lucie has persuaded me to not only accept but embrace being a submissive man. That explains why I’ve written about it so much lately, the amazement. I’m writing about submission again today, but taking a different tack. Does wanting chastity mean you are submissive? Nope. Not at all.

Chastity need not involve D/s or even kink, for that matter. Some guys want for a myriad of different reasons to wear a locked chastity device to which someone else controls the key to the lock simply because they desire having someone else to control their penis and access to sexual pleasure. Putting on a chastity cage and handing over the key to someone else is something we might consider a submissive act, but it doesn’t necessarily make a guy submissive.

The reason I chose to discuss this today is that I don’t want anyone to think that chastity and wearing chastity devices is only something submissive men do. That’s for two reasons. Such an understanding might prevent guys who know they aren’t submissive from trying chastity and I’ve come to believe every guy should try it even though some will decide chastity just isn’t for them. Just as important, I don’t want women who don’t feel attracted to submissive men to get turned off by the idea of chastity because they think it will transform their manly, masculine husband or boyfriend into a milquetoast, servile male who longs to wear a French maid outfit.

Assuming all submissive men are timid, weak, insipid, and effeminate is of course subscribing to an untrue stereotype. Yes, such men exist, but I believe they are the exception, not the rule. I also think dividing the entire population of men into alphas and betas is a gross oversimplification. I believe masculinity is a continuum where we could put the so-called alpha males on one end and betas on the other and where most men would fall somewhere on the line between those extremes.

Using me as an example, I’m no beta male. I’m not shy, timid, or effeminate even when I’m feeling the most submissive to Lucie. I’ve always gravitated to dominant roles and professions in everyday life and have often held leadership positions. I’ve served in two branches of the armed forces, applied for and got selected to officer candidate school, served as a commissioned military officer, completed several of the military’s hero schools and have the patches and tabs to prove it.

Like many guys I’ve known, I’m a sexual submissive, not submissive in a general sense. I don’t feel less masculine when submitting to a strong, dominant woman like Lucie. And I am not submissive to every dominant woman. I won’t be feminized, and no one, including Lucie, could ever persuade me to become a sissy maid. Just like I said about masculinity earlier, I think submission is also a continuum. I’m neither the most submissive nor least submissive guy on the planet. I fall somewhere on a line between those extremes.

If you’re a woman whose husband or partner has admitted he wants to wear a chastity device and for you to be his keyholder and maybe feel it means he isn’t the manly man you thought he was, no worries. My advice is to have a serious discussion until you feel you understand his motivations and then decide whether it is something you are able and willing to take part in. For guys who feel sure they don’t have a submissive bone in their body, you shouldn’t dismiss the idea of trying chastity if you feel curious about it. You don’t have to become something you’re not, and you might learn something about yourself you don’t know if you try it.

Since discovering my submissive nature under Lucie’s guidance, I’ve felt no discomfort or shame about it. And after weeks and now months of being locked for Lucie, I’ve learned it amplifies my submissive feelings. In my case, I feel the submissive piece has only enhanced the chastity experience. But we’re all unique individuals who respond to chastity differently. The takeaway is, just wanting chastity does not mean you are submissive. But if you are submissive, you will probably find chastity even more meaningful and enjoyable.

male chastity

Honor Chastity Revisted

By Chaste on Monday, July 3, 2023

While it is beginning to sound (and feel) a little redundant, it’s time for another episode of honor chastity revisted. So, in this post, I’ll also cover some other things.

Back to Honor Chastity. Again.

While I had felt cautiously optimistic that Lucie might allow me to finish Chastity 90 locked, it was not to be. After eighteen days this time, she surprised me this morning by telling me to unlock for 72 hours. And she surprised me again with a week-long self-teasing schedule for me to do while she is away on a two-week summer vacation that she left on this afternoon.

The schedule has a different assignment for each day of the week, and I will repeat it next week. That, according to Lucie, should keep my arousal peaking until she returns from vacation. And she didn’t want me to feel locked and forgotten when I’m re-locked in a few days.

I know from experience while self-locking that the effectiveness of self-teasing can feel less than optimum. But this feels different since Lucie created the assignments and, frankly, they seem quite interesting.

Other than the requirement to perform edges on two different days each week, none of the other tasks are things she has given me to do before. And, I appreciate she spent the time and energy to create something to help maintain my focus while she is away. Lucie had already told me not to expect our usual daily interaction while she was on vacation, so I’d had been dreading a Lucie-less fortnight. Maybe the assignment schedule will help the time pass more quickly.

Update on My Kink3D Cobra N Device Experience

After spending another eighteen days in my Kink3D Cobra N chastity device, I feel compelled to update my experience with it. Love. Love. Love it. This may be my favorite long-term chastity device ever.

As a die-hard stainless steel device fan since my salad days with chastity devices, I admit I once felt pretty dismissive of plastic cages. Some of the great resin cages I’ve tried out for reviews had slowly chipped away at my disdain for plastic devices, but I give full credit to Kink3D’s 3D-printed nylon device for winning me over. I still love the weight and feel of my custom-made stainless-steel devices, and I’ll wear those again sometimes. But the last eighteen days convinced me that the Cobra might be the best long-term device option currently available.

There are three things I demand from a chastity device for long-term wear: fit, comfort, and ease of maintaining acceptable hygiene. The Cobra earned high marks in all three areas during my 18-day locked period.

First, the device felt completely comfortable. Usually when I’m wearing any device, especially when I first wake up in the morning, I feel some slight discomfort where the base ring runs beneath my balls. I attribute this to the changes the testicles undergo when a penis owner becomes sexually aroused.

Researchers tell us the testicles increase in size (not quite double) and move closer to the base of the penis to prepare for ejaculation when desire becomes arousal. So, when a guy wakes up with morning wood (or the attempt at morning wood for those of us wearing a chastity device) the conditions are ripe for these changes to occur. The increased size narrows the “ball gap” and the barrier the ring provides that keeps the testicles from rising closer to the base of the penis combine to produce the uncomfortable feeling of tightness.

While I can’t say it is painful, I find it uncomfortable enough to find it annoying. So, usually, the first thing I do every morning when locked is to step into the shower and spray hot water on my balls with the handheld until the heat forces them to descend further from my body to maintain optimum temperature. Not once during the past eighteen days did I experience this discomfort while wearing the Cobra. I can’t explain why, but my morning shower routine became unnecessary. And that’s only one reason I found the Cobra so incredibly comfortable to wear.

Now, let’s talk about hygiene. By design, the Cobra cage is an open-style cage. It comes very close to how open my favorite stainless-steel devices are. That allows me to clean the cage and contents thoroughly using soap and my handheld shower head. And when I removed the cage after eighteen days, I detected none of the funky odor you get with chastity cages that are difficult to clean while wearing them. Also, the skin of my penis was in pristine condition with no dryness or other issues.

While the Kink3D “airlock” performed flawlessly, I found it nearly impossible to thread the “shackle” end of the plastic lock through the locking housing of the device after mating the cage and base ring. The plastic is very stiff and it resists bending to slip through the small hole at the end of the housing. When I searched the web for a solution I found only a video that suggested threading the plastic lock through backwards instead of the way intended. That was easier, but it leaves the printed numbers facing down instead of up where the keyholder can read them. I felt sure Lucie would not be impressed with that.

After some experimentation, I stumbled on a very simple, and easy solution. I’ll make a video instruction when I have time since I’m not sure how clearly I can explain it using only text. But, you thread the free end of the plastic lock along the airlock as usual. It lays in a small channel and the tip goes through a tiny hole at the far end of the plastic pin. Then you join the cage with the base ring, but only the tab portion at the top of the cage with the hole through it that fits into the center of the base ring receiver. Tilt the nose of the cage up slightly to keep the tabs on each side away from where they snap into the base ring. Then, clamping that center tab and the base ring receiver together with the thumb and index finger of your right hand, insert just the tip of the locking pin into the lock opening and thread the end of the plastic lock through the hole in the center tab with your left hand fingers. You can then easily grab the free end of the lock and pull it through the partially open receiver housing to where it needs to be. Then, snap the cage and base ring together properly and push the plastic locking pin completely into the receiver and you’re ready to lock. It’s incredibly easy to do this way while trying to do it the way many videos on the webs show it is nearly impossible. It isn’t so difficult when you’re holding the device in your hand like they do on the videos. But using that method when you are wearing the device is a different matter.

Male Call Addendum - Cherry Keeper Ball Gap Question

After publishing the “Mall Call” post last time, I received another question from a blog follower about Cherry Keeper chastity devices and I didn’t want to delay answering it. Nikos wrote to say he has decided he wants a Cherry Keeper device. But since he has “high and tight” balls, he is concerned about the width of the “ball gap” and wanted to know whether the manufacturer offers options for a device with the wider gap.

Thanks for the question, Nikos. You called the device you are considering “Cherry Picker” but I am assuming you meant “Cherry Keeper” since you referred to the review I posted on that device. I know some international manufacturers have copied the Cherry Keeper design and are now selling counterfeit devices, and one such manufacturer in China calls its device “Cherry Picker.” So, I can’t be sure whether you spoke of the authentic device designed by Josielynn Jewell that she sells through her Shapeways.com Josielynn’s Body Jewelry shop, or one of the copied devices. Nevertheless, what I can tell you would apply, regardless.

The design of the Cherry Keeper (and devices copying the original design) along with 3D-printing technology doesn’t allow for adjustments to the ball gap width. 3D-printing is not cheap. Profit comes from mass producing items based on a single design as it would be cost prohibitive to offer customization to individuals down to the level of ball gap width of a chastity device. Not to say there aren’t some variances of ball gap width. But the Cherry Keeper (and copiers of the design) rely on the same method as a company like Kink3D to offer narrower or wider ball gaps. Ball gap is a function of base ring size, which isn’t a perfect method.

The authentic Cherry Keeper now comes in about three dozen different models, all called “Cherry Keeper.” So, I just selected a representative model, the Cherry Keeper Standard. Here is a list of the ball gap measurements by base ring size.

Ball Gap Spacing (static):
36mm ring: 10.9 mm
38mm ring: 11.6 mm
40mm ring: 12.5 mm
42mm ring: 13.6 mm
44mm ring: 15.0 mm
46mm ring: 16.5 mm
48mm ring: 18.2 mm
50mm ring: 20.0mm

Source: Josielynn’s Body Jewelry

Here is why this isn’t a perfect method. Say you know a 40mm base ring is the perfect size for you, but you feel a 12.5 mm gap is too narrow for your physiology. To get a wider gap, you would have to try a larger than perfect-sized ring. Maybe the 42mm or 44mm, or something even larger.

The problem is, if you go too much larger than what is your optimum size, you may experience problems with a testicle popping out of the base ring when wearing the device. But if you truly need a wider gap, using a bigger ring than you actually want is the only solution.

My ideal base ring size is 42mm and so with the Cherry Keeper I get a 13.6 mm ball gap. That’s roughly 9/16 inch using imperial units of measurement. While that is a bit over 1/2 inch, I still find it works for me with the Cherry Keeper, even though I usually have ball-slippage issues with devices having a gap that wide. I too have high and tight balls and a 3/8 inch (9.525 mm) gap works perfectly for me.

Since I can’t imagine anyone has balls that are higher and tighter than mine, I’m curious how you know you need a wider gap than the usual set by the manufacturer? That’s because ball gap is impossible to measure, meaning measuring ourselves the way we measure length and girth of the penis and circumference of a circle around the penis base and behind the scrotum for base ring sizing. Personal experience, I imagine. Like I once tried a device with a 1/4 inch gap and within minutes, it felt like the base ring was crushing my balls. And I’ve tried several devices with a 1/2 inch gap and one of my testicles always popped out of the ring. After trying multiple devices with 3/8 inch gaps, I learned that was my ideal ball gap measurement.

Anyway, I’d suggest visiting the Josielynn’s Body Jewelry website, https://www.shapeways.com/shops/josielynn-s-body-jewellery and reviewing the specifications for the specific model you are interested in. If you’re considering a knock-off, then just take a look at the website and choose the model that looks most similar to what you’re thinking of getting. Those who copy designs from other manufacturers almost always buy and then reverse engineer an original they intend to copy. So, I have high confidence the measurements will be exactly the same. Then, if you believe you know your ideal ball gap, try a base ring size that’s closest to the gap width you need. The Cherry Keeper base rings are relatively cheap (around $20), so maybe try two or three to see what works best.

chastity keyholders male chastity

Caged Boys Behaving Badly

By Chaste on Wednesday, May 17, 2023

Caged boys behaving badly. What’s the key holder to do?

It’s been a while since I’ve written a post aimed specifically at key holders. So, today I’m going to do that after reading a post on another chastity site about a woman who had contacted the blogger for advice. After agreeing to lock her husband and to become his key holder, her caged boy was misbehaving, and she felt unsure what to do about it. This is a common issue, especially for those new to chastity and the responsibilities of being a key holder. So, let’s talk about it.

But I Gave Him What He Asked For

The circumstance of the woman asking for advice mentioned in the blog post I read was this. Her husband had recently come to her with a request that had shocked her. He explained he wanted her to lock his penis in a strange little plastic device and to not only take complete control over their sex life, but his access to all sexual release. She explained his request not only caught her completely off guard, but confused her. This was the same man who had complained for years they didn’t have enough sex.

The woman’s husband had pointed her to a few websites and reluctantly she agreed to research chastity and to then decide if she would incorporate it into their relationship.

The information on the websites her husband recommended and a few she found on her own extolled the benefits for wives and partners, who locked their men in chastity devices and took charge of the keys. She admitted she suspected the motivation behind her husband’s request for chastity was only his desire to add a kinky sex game to their relationship. But the benefits had sounded good, if maybe a little good to be true. Nevertheless, a few days after his request, she agreed to try chastity and soon locked him in a chastity device.

She thought that was the end of the matter, believing the whole idea of the chastity cage was to lock her husband in it until she decided to take it off. It seemed simple. However, as it had turned out, in practice, there was far more to it than that.

Her husband was happy as a clam for the first few days, although he had been a little grumpy by the end of the second day. But by about the fourth day, he became much more attentive and went out of his way to make her feel special. But by the end of the first week, he became moody, complaining, and even a little resentful. Not only that, he talked incessantly about chastity and how it made him feel and then asked her to look at some other websites that explained about the teasing that was supposed to go with the denial.

After looking at the websites that talked about teasing and denial, she realized her husband hadn’t fully explained what he expected from chastity but only what he had believed would convince her to agree to locking him in the chastity device. And while she had agreed to that, she hadn’t agreed to become her husband’s live in dominatrix. Why wasn’t he satisfied with the wearing the stupid cage? Hadn’t she given him what he asked for?

Understanding the Locked Male's Perspective

First, let’s look at the male perspective when a guy is locked in a chastity device. I think it helps a key holder to know what is going on in his head, although that doesn’t obligate her to do anything unless she wishes. Later, I’ll offer some tips about what to do with caged boys behaving badly.

When a guy wears a chastity device, his focus is on that cage constantly. at all times. Wearing the locked device impacts him in multiple ways besides just stifling his erections and denying him orgasms. Even if it’s a plastic device, it still has weight to it and produces compression of his penis. It forces him to sit rather than stand to urinate. It makes him feel self-conscious about whether others notice the device beneath his clothing. Often the ring and cage or tube chafes his tender bits at least a little. The device forces him to alter his gait a little when walking and may make it uncomfortable for him to sit as he has been accustomed to. It can alter his sleeping habits. In short, to him, wearing a chastity device produces the feeling he is enduring something, suffering something for your benefit and sacrificing a most basic freedom, access to his penis. He is physically and mentally aware of these feelings day and night.

For you, the key holder, you lock the lock and get on with your life. There is nothing to make you aware of your man’s suffering. Your daily routine doesn’t undergo any changes. For you, there are no constant physical reminders of the chastity. For you, nothing changes except that he is no longer bargaining with you or pestering you for sex all the time.

The suffering is part of the allure of the male chastity fantasies. He suffers while his key holder blithely goes about their day. The key holder gains all the freedom, and the locked boy gets all the suffering and sexual frustration that accompanies denial. In reality, he may want to suffer for you and may even find it arousing. But he wants assurance he isn’t alone in the dynamic. He needs to feel your involvement. That you, his key holder, are aware of his suffering and intentionally making him suffer for you. He doesn’t just want the denial. He wants to know you are deliberately denying him.

The locked male is constantly feeling the burdens of the device and continually focused on them, but naturally, the key holder doesn’t and isn’t. That creates a disconnect. He wants you to be aware of what he is enduring so that you will not only recognize the power the device gives you, but will leverage it to exploit the helplessness he feels. That’s one reason he craves the teasing. Teasing gives him assurance you are aware of the extent of his plight and the sacrifices he is making for you. Teasing also heightens his desire and arousal and that helps mute the sexual frustration and can make his suffering feel fulfilling and worthwhile.

In the absence of teasing, he feels even more compelled to share how chastity makes him feel, especially when not asked. He feels a great need to emphasize his sexual frustration and highlight his suffering to encourage you to show physically or verbally how much you enjoy his suffering for your sake. That’s because such will continue to drive his arousal and he craves that.

Now that we’ve covered the mindset of your locked boy, what should you do when he misbehaves?

Addressing Misbehavior

Caged boys behaving badly can range from sharing his thoughts about chastity and how he is suffering incessantly to being annoyingly cranky, moody, or downright passive aggressive to complaining you aren’t providing the teasing he craves and needs to guilt you into giving him what he wants.

First, if you haven’t already done so, borrow and repurpose the first rule of the Fight Club from the movie of the same name. Tell your locked male: “The first rule of chastity is you do not talk about chastity,” (unless you wish to bring it up). The only exception should be health and safety issues such as the device is causing him actual pain or impairing blood circulation.

If he becomes moody or grumpy or acts out in a passive-aggressive behavior, do two things. Remind him he asked for chastity and you were kind enough to provide it. Then tell him to get a grip and to stop obsessing over the device and acting so needy. Warn him if he doesn’t get himself under control, consequences will follow.

Asking (bordering on demanding) for teasing, whining about how he feels so sexually frustrated, and begging you to unlock him and allow him relief, should not be tolerated. Never allow him to pressure you to play the game by giving him what he wants. The cold hard truth is you do not owe him anything sexually. He asked for chastity and you generously gave it, even though you may have never found it interesting or desirable to begin with. Demand he stop whining and complaining or consequences will follow.

But what if he persists despite your efforts to correct his misbehavior? Then, it becomes time for the nuclear option. Unlock him and suspend the use of the chastity device indefinitely. Tell him you will not play the game if he refuses to exhibit the self-discipline you require. Most guys will respond to that if chastity is something they truly want and will correct their behavior. If not, it still solves the problem for the key holder, who will no longer have to deal with the misbehavior.

A Word About Locked and Forgotten

As much sympathy as I feel for key holders with caged boys behaving badly, it’s only fair to close by addressing the phenomena known as “locked and forgotten.” That’s when a key holder locks her man and considers it job done, providing no teasing whatsoever. For periods locked in a chastity device for more than about a week at a time, locked and forgotten, is actual cruelty.

Orgasm denial produces real mental and physical responses. Sexual frustration builds and soon becomes unpleasant and difficult to cope with. It can even cause bouts of depression. Teasing produces what is called the dopamine effect and, in turn, that causes the production of a cocktail of “feel good” chemicals that makes heightened sexual desire feel so pleasurable that it mutes sexual frustration to an extent. That’s one reason guys in chastity crave and actually need sexual teasing.

As a key holder, if you know you are not willing or prepared to provide teasing, it’s best to limit locking your man in chastity for brief periods only. Teasing is a must for extended time wearing a chastity device. You have no obligation to provide teasing unless you want to do it, but consider it if you choose to lock your guy for more than a week at a time. That’s basic fairness. And it needn’t require a huge investment of your time. A little teasing can go a long way and there are plenty of simple techniques to use that don’t involve dressing in latex and stilettos or wielding a riding crop.

male chastity

Unlocked After Wearing a Chastity Device for 877 Days

By Chaste on Friday, April 28, 2023

As I write this post, it’s been almost seven hours since I unlocked and removed my chastity cage before beginning the Chastity 90 Challenge on May 1. This is the longest I’ve gone without wearing a cage 24/7 in 877 days. It feels weird.

During the longest period I’ve spent continuously locked, I’ve only removed my chastity device for brief hygiene unlocks, always following the same procedure.

First, I clean the device and leave it to air dry before getting into the shower. Usually I spend about 15-20 minutes showering and shaving my pubic area, which is enough time for the chastity device to dry. Then I put it right back on and lock up.

Since there has been no occasion to put on underwear between taking off the device and locking it back on, today is the first time I’ve worn underwear without a chastity device attached to my body in a very long time and it feels different.

Feel Me?

When you’re circumcised like me, things like masturbation and just your exposed glans rubbing against the fabric of your underwear constantly as you walk and move around toughens the skin of the glans a little and reduces sensitivity. After so much time spent wearing a chastity device, the skin of my glans is again soft and noticeably more sensitive.

With my penis free inside my underwear, just from normal movement and walking around and no further encouragement, it’s been frequently semi-erect. And I’ve already had two random, full, firm erections, again with no encouragement or while thinking about anything remotely sexual. So, I can report after 877 days of confinement, there is no sign of erectile dysfunction (ED), something a lot of guys worry about with long-term chastity device wear.

Did I Shrink?

Right out of the shower after drying off, I took a measurement of my flaccid penis, and the length is unchanged from the averaged measurements I took in 2021 before ordering my Jail Bird from Mature Metal. I haven’t taken a measurement while erect yet, but it looks normal.

The erections I’ve had resulted only from my more sensitive glans rubbing against my cotton underwear, not from sexual arousal. So, I’ll wait to take that measurement when I am intentionally aroused, since that is when my penis grows to its full erect girth and length. Still, I already feel it’s safe to say I have experienced no shrinkage. If chastity device shrinkage is a thing, as some people claim, it evidently takes over 877 days for it to occur. Frankly, based on past experience, I’ve never believed in chastity device shrinkage, anyway.

Plumbing Check

While externally, all systems seem normal and functional, I haven’t checked the internal plumbing, meaning I have not attempted to stimulate myself to orgasm and ejaculate. I hadn’t really thought about doing that when I decided to unlock for 72 hours before starting the Chastity 90 Challenge, since that isn’t the reason I’ve chosen to unlock for a few days. But I have thought about it today and it makes sense to orgasm and ejaculate before locking up again on May 1 since the whole point is to make Chastity 90 a distinct 90-day period unconnected to my past and future periods of long-term chastity. I haven’t decided when I’ll check the internal plumbing. All I know is I’ll do it, and only once, before May 1. So, I’ll table that discussion for now.

A Different Countdown

When I first began experimenting with chastity, I was always counting down the days until I could unlock. But it’s the opposite now. Already, after less than seven hours unlocked, I’m counting down the days until I can put my device back on. After so much time locked in a device, the absence of the cage feels abnormal. I’ll stick with the 72-hour plan, but am eagerly looking forward to locking up again on Monday morning, May 1.

locktober male chastity

The Secret to Successfully Adding Male Chastity to Your Relationship Revealed In 7 Simple Rules

By Chaste on Tuesday, October 11, 2022

I suspect many guys are observing this eleventh day of Locktober 2022 solo, or like me, under the supervision of a pro keyholder. Still, I expect there are guys who finally found the courage to approach their wife or partner this year to have the chastity discussion. And a smaller subset of that group persuaded their significant others to add male chastity to their relationship, at least as a trial for the month of October. If that describes you, congratulations. And I hope you will take a few moments to contemplate the secret to successfully adding male chastity to your relationship revealed in 7 simple rules.

A hilarious, satirical forum post I read on Chastity Mansion last evening, “How to get my husband to embrace a Canasta Centric Lifestyle?” by a woman going by the name Ashley Wilson Black is what sparked the idea of this post. Basically, she was poking a little fun at the guys who are forever posting in the forums, asking for advice on how to get their wives or partners to embrace male chastity. She cleverly turned it around to the female perspective, substituting the name of a card game (Canasta) for chastity. Maybe she was a bit harsh it spots, but I definitely got where she was coming from. So, for those lucky guys out there who convinced their wives or partners to explore chastity with them by acting as their key holders, you don’t want to blow it. And here I’m offering some simple rules that might just keep you from doing that.

Rule #1: Balance Reality with the Fantasy

Let’s be honest. At least at the beginning, the urge to satisfy a very common male fantasy motivates a guy’s interest in chastity. They want to spend long periods (just not too long) locked up at the mercy of a cruel, adamantine Mistress who will demand constant sexual pleasure through oral stimulation while he must suffer the pains of denial, unable to even have an erection. It’s the attraction of tease and denial play that most often drives initial interest in chastity, not the practice of chastity itself.

There is nothing wrong with sexual fantasies or seeking to enact them as long as no one gets harmed. But if it’s only fantasy driving it, chastity is likely to turn out massively disappointing both for the chastised male and his key holder. Take your joint foray into chastity with a healthy dose of reality because chances are good, your fantasy is not likely to ever be fully realized. And I can even make an argument for why it shouldn’t. You see, male chastity isn’t about you and your dick. It’s about your key holder and chastity should ALWAYS be female-focused (or partner-focused for those whose tastes may lie elsewhere).

Rule #2: Don’t Try to Mold Your Partner into a Dominatrix

Another question I often see guys post in chastity forums is how they can get their wives or partners to act more dominant. Here again, we see fantasy fulfillment outside the bounds of reality raising its ugly head. How do you get your wife or partner to act more dominant? You probably don’t. Simple as that. Long before I ever tried male chastity, I was heavily involved in the kink community. Yes, I offer only anecdotal evidence, based on my experiences, but I firmly believe that dominants (in the sexual and kink contexts) are born, not made.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t lots of people who can act effectively in the role of a top when so inclined, but here I’m talking about an actual, honest to goodness dominant. If your wife or partner had not a kinky bone in her body before you broached the subject of male chastity and asked her to become your key holder, it’s most unlikely she is going to turn magically into the harsh, implacable Dominatrix of your fantasies. Back during my days in the kink community, when the novel Fifty Shades of Grey came out and interest in BDSM exploded, I can’t even guess how many women asked me a similar question. How can I get my husband (or other significant other) to Dom me? I gave them the same answer. You probably can’t. They may not even be interested in trying, much less be capable of it.

If male chastity is key holder-focused, which it is, you should never try to coerce, persuade, or pester your key holder into becoming something she is not and that might even make her feel hugely uncomfortable. There is a word for that. It’s called manipulation. Just don’t. Manipulation is never okay. Many wives and partners, bless their hearts, agree to incorporate chastity into the relationship and serve as their male partner’s key holder out of loving kindness and genuine caring despite how stupid, unnatural, and useless they actually believe locking up penises really is. So, please don’t repay these wonderful women by telling them how they need to do a better job of fulfilling your fantasies.

Rule #3: Don’t Talk to Your Key Holder About Chasity and Kink Constantly

You know what I hate most about Twitter? It’s the political and social justice activists. They rarely, if ever, post about anything but politics and social justice. They simply don’t grasp that not everyone is obsessed with politics and social justice as they are and that they bore the holy hell out of people like me. In fact, I end up not only hating them but everything they advocate and stand for because it reminds me of them. And they are too self-absorbed and ignorant to understand they do their various causes way more harm than good. I actually view a lot of things negatively today that I once either saw positively or at least had no strong opinion about either way because of the self-appointed, self-styled, in your face activist assholes on Twitter. This is exactly the reason you shouldn’t talk to your partner incessantly about chastity. Trust me. The vast majority of them will never feel as fanatical about it as you do. Chastity is not on her mind or something she wants on her mind all day, every day.

Most of the time, a wife or partner agrees to chastity and to becoming a key holder because they love their penis owning partner and want them to be happy. They see cooperating with the latest kinky thing he picked up on the Internet as just another relationship cross they must bear. Secretly, they hope the chastity cage will turn out massively uncomfortable if not outright painful, and that their partner will soon lose interest in it. After all, it’s stupid, unnatural, and pointless, anyway. But even those who may discover to their complete astonishment that they actually enjoy the new power their partner has bestowed on them and finally having the means to put a stop to the constant sex bargaining they have always dealt with, don’t want to engage in chastity discussions and sexy kink talk ad nauseam. Subjecting your key holder to this will only annoy them, so don’t be surprised when they don’t want to play anymore if you insist on doing it. A good rule to follow is this. The first rule of male chastity is don’t talk about male chastity, unless your key holder brings it up.

Rule #4: Don’t Complain That She Doesn’t Tease You Enough or Effectively

Remember our old friend, Tease and Denial? Many guys opt into male chastity because they want to be helplessly subjected to sexual teasing until driven crazy with arousal. Hopefully, you thought to cover the teasing bit when you first asked your significant other to lock you in a chastity device. Because once the lock snaps shut, that’s all behind you now. The quality and frequency of sexual teasing is completely up to your key holder. And guess what? Teasing may not be her thing. She might not know how to do it. She may not even be interested in learning how to do it. Or doing it all, for that matter.

Luckily, when faced with something they know little about, because of their very inquisitive nature, women often immediately turn to the Internet or a bookstore looking for resources that will get them up to speed. So, maybe, if you’re lucky, if your key holder never heard of male chastity before you brought it up, she might dig into the topic and learn all about teasing and how to do it. She might even ask you what sort of things make you pleasantly aroused if she doesn’t already know. But remember, that’s up to her, not you. So, if she isn’t interested in teasing or learning about it, you could end up with the worst possible chastity outcome, locked and forgot. Still, complaining and nagging will get you nowhere and may even end with her throwing the key back in your face with strongly worded instructions to never speak to her about chastity again.

Rule #5: Don’t Negotiate

Once your wife or key holder locks you up, understand something. There’s no scheduled release, no time off for good behavior, no get out of jail free cards, no negotiations. She decides when or if she unlocks your penis. That’s how enforced chastity works. So, don’t tell her how horny you are and ask her to unlock you. And don’t even think about *gasp* begging. If she understands how chastity is supposed to work and isn’t a pushover, even if she isn’t the female version of Christian Grey, she will automatically say “no” whenever you ask or beg for release. After all, she will reason: Isn’t this what he asked for? And don’t forget the first rule of chastity. Never talk about chastity unless your key holder brings it up. If she is a good key holder, she will even punish you for asking for release. And she should.

Rule #6: Never Refuse Punishment or Chores

Domestic service and submission are two things that we commonly incorporate with chastity. Focusing on the key holder usually means a guy doing household chores that weren’t previously his responsibility. The goal is to make your key holder happy by doing anything she wants you to do that she finds pleasurable, even if that is only you doing the laundry. But, at some point, frustration sets in. What you enjoyed immensely at the beginning suddenly feels less satisfying. What you regarded as perpetual foreplay doesn’t result in the reward of a nice, throbbing erection or the sexual release you want desperately. Maybe you even broke the rule and asked or begged her to unlock you. But she said no and now you’re left feeling angry and act out passively aggressively. Maybe you actively disobey by refusing to do a chore she assigned. Or, maybe you earned punishment for violating a rule, and refuse to accept it. This is another thing that can sink your chastity boat and ruin the experience for both of you.

When you refuse to do a chore or accept a punishment, you are taking back the power you transferred to your key holder and showing her that chastity is about you, not about her, as it should be. And that might just destroy your credibility in her eyes and she will never believe it’s focused on her again. So, if it is truly important to you to incorporate chastity into the relationship, grit your teeth and resist the urge to disobey when frustration sets in.

Rule #7: Don’t Use Chastity to Segue Clandestinely into Another Fetish or Kink

Your wife or partner deserves to know exactly what you are asking for when you ask her to lock you in chastity. I’ve known many men who wanted much more than just having their cocks locked up. But instead of laying it all out at the beginning, they asked their partners for the chastity piece first and once they got that, they then pushed for fulfillment of some other fetish or kink interest. For some guys, chastity is only a segue into something else they really want to experience, like feminization, small penis humiliation, or cuckolding. Not that there is anything wrong with desiring or enjoying those kinks as long as everyone agrees. But you should never ask your partner to add chastity to the relationship when you already know you intend to up the ante later by asking her to add some other fetish or kink. Be honest and lay it all out at the front end.

Yes, maybe she would add chastity but won’t have any interest at all in feminizing you, ridiculing the size of your tool, or having sex with other men. And hearing you want those things too may put her off chastity. But it’s dishonest to withhold information from her she might wish to include in her decision-making process.

Some kinks many guys think fit seamlessly with chastity actually don’t. Consider the three I mentioned, forced feminization, SPH, and cuckolding. All of those fit into the humiliation kink category and are all stand-alone kinks embraced by guys who find humiliation sexually arousing. That’s what sets them apart from chastity. They are self-focused, while chastity is partner-focused. At least it should be. You can tell me until the cows come home you want your wife to cuckold you only because you just can’t satisfy her with your cock the way a more generously endowed bull could and you only want her to be happy and sexually fulfilled. But we both know a huge part of it is how horny it would make you knowing some other guy with a bigger cock is shagging your wife, and even better if she lets you watch or gives you a play-by-play afterward.

Just a few rules of thumb to keep in mind if your significant other has agreed to lock you and hold the key for the first time this Locktober. You may not remember them all. But that’s okay as long as you remember this. Male chastity isn’t about you. It’s key holder-focused. As long as you remember that and apply it, you’ll automatically keep all seven rules.

If you’re observing Locktober 2022 and still hanging in there, well done. If it’s your first Locktober and you’re still locked after ten full days, that’s awesome. Good luck to all. Just 20 days and a few hours to go.

male chastity

What Is So Fascinating About Normalization of Male Chastity?

By Chaste on Friday, September 30, 2022

A recent industry survey I saw recently says that male chastity devices (combination of full belts and cock cages) ranked third globally in a current list of the top five most popular sex toys. That suggests normalization of male chastity is underway. In other words, male chastity is practiced more widely and becoming more mainstream and less of a kink activity or taboo. That’s a good thing, right? Or is it? Today’s topic is about what I find so fascinating about the normalization of male chastity.

Here on the eve of Locktober 2022, I’m contemplating a spirited discussion I read last night in the forums at Chastity Mansion. Just from what I’ve seen on social media and the number of visitors this website and others devoted to discussing male chastity get daily, I’ve felt for a long while now that male chastity is becoming increasingly normal. Once relegated to the kink community, the practice of male chastity is less taboo. More individual guys and couples who might otherwise consider themselves more vanilla than kinky have embraced chastity devices. Without giving it much thought, I suppose my default position has always been the more normal and mainstream male chastity becomes, the better. So, reading some opinions in the forum discussion surprised me. There were many guys who weighed in on the discussion that felt that normalization of male chastity was a negative. Here’s why.

Male Chastity as a Kink or Taboo

For many, viewing male chastity through the lens of kink or taboo is an important part of their enjoyment of the experience. For some, it’s the most important part of it. These guys feel if a guy locking up his cock becomes normal, they may lose interest in doing it.

On one level, I can understand this. Different guys have different motivations for wearing a chastity device. As an example, submissive guys see it as a satisfying submissive act.

There are also guys who are into kinky activities like SPH and cuckolding. If you fetishize shrinking your penis and entertain the illusion that wearing a cock cage permanently shrinks your peen (which it doesn’t, actually) then your interest in chastity may be mostly a satisfaction of your kink.

The same is true of those who combine wearing a chastity device as an integral part of engaging in cuckolding or their enjoyment of being on the receiving end of pegging.

Even guys who wear a chastity device to work or other public spaces because it makes them feel a little naughty knowing that they secretly are wearing a device beneath their clothing are approaching chastity from a kink perspective. Often, they may enjoy fantasizing about what people they encounter in public or the workplace would think or say if they only knew. Nothing wrong with any of that, of course.

But there are many guys and couples these days who don’t embrace chastity because they are interested in breaking taboo or satisfying a kink. And there is nothing wrong with that either. I count myself as part of that group.

Vanilla Male Chastity Perspective

It’s probably a safe assumption that those of us who embrace chastity from a more vanilla point of view are those who are the most enthusiastic about the normalization of chastity. And why our reasons might not be exactly the same, I think some commonalities exist. Here are two reasons I think normalization of male chastity is a positive.

Male Chastity Benefits Women

While many men may initially find having a partner locking their cocks attractive because it satisfies a fairly common male fantasy, I believe strongly that women gain more benefits from locking their partners in a chastity device than the men wearing the devices do. Sure, there are benefits for both. I just think there are more benefits for women. So, the more common it becomes in our society for men to wear chastity devices, the less weird or disgusting ordinary women will find it. To a significant degree, fear of being judged negatively by their partners is the main reason so many men find it difficult, if not impossible, to tell their partners they want to be locked. The more normalized male chastity becomes, the less this will be a problem.

There is a femdom blogger I’ve followed for a while now whose writing I find brilliant. Not only is she massively intelligent, she is also deliciously kinky and expresses her thoughts wonderfully. Honestly, I have a shameless crush on her, though of course I wouldn’t dream of contacting her to admit it. But she recently wrote something that disappointed me.

She stated that it’s a well-known fact that men vastly exaggerate how beneficial male chastity is for women. With all due respect, that simply isn’t true. Frankly, I think it’s impossible to overestimate how much locking her partner benefits a woman. I can only assume the blogger, while she has lots of experience with submissive men within the framework of female led D/s relationships, hasn’t much experience with male chastity or she wouldn’t hold the opinion she does. At least not long-term, 24/7 chastity experience. I’ve communicated with too many women who lock their partners, and have read too many books and blogs by women that extol the benefits for women from male chastity that I know those benefits are not exaggerated. And I believe more women should get those benefits, ordinary women. Not just femdom women or those on the kinky end of the sexual spectrum.

Male Chastity Benefits Men

The same blogger wrote in the same post that men are not ruled by their libidos, not in the sense that their sex drive is anything like a life-sustaining drive to satisfy hunger by getting food. The presumption is men don’t need to wear chastity devices to control their libidos. They just don’t try to control their urges for sexual gratification. Again, I respectfully disagree with her opinion, but I don’t fault her or respect her any less for having it.

The truth is, as a woman, even as a dominant woman, she hasn’t any real understanding of the male sex drive. She is no more capable of understanding the male libido and its effects for men than I am of understanding why women have so much more control over their libidos since I’m male and have no frame of reference. The male sex drive, thanks to many thousands of years of evolution designed to ensure the survival of the species, is very much akin to a life-sustaining drive to satisfy hunger. It’s almost a perfect analogy. That’s why men spend an inordinate amount of time seeking to satisfy their needs when their brains and bodies demand it. I make no excuses for the power my sex drive has over my behavior, but I’ve never denied it because you can’t. You must be a male to understand it. And I have seen nothing more useful in helping me to control the tyranny of my male libido than chastity devices. The more normalized male chastity becomes, the more willing ordinary men who are not necessarily submissive or interested in kink will be to try chastity and benefit from it. And chastity makes us better, better men and better partners.

So, those are my two main reasons for believing normalizing male chastity is a positive thing that I hope continues. But what about you? Do you see normalization of male chastity as a positive or a negative?

Locktober Eve 2022

We’re just hours away from the kickoff of Locktober 2022. Amazingly, I received the shorter HF001 device I ordered from Badassworkroom yesterday, just in time. I tried it out yesterday and again today with two different base rings and goodness gracious! It’s perfect! As hoped, the shorter cage solved the “sticking peen” problem. So, I’m wearing it for Locktober. Weirdly, even though I’m locked all the time, Locktober still excites me. One of my favorite pro keyholders has graciously agreed to supervise this year. Honestly, I have the self-discipline now to complete Locktober or any length of locked period I choose without having a keyholder. But it makes Locktober so much more arousing and satisfying to have one. I’ll remove the device I’m wearing now at 10:00 P.M. and then I’ll put on the new HF-001 so that I can turn the key at the stroke of midnight. Then I will lock the key in the safe, surrendering control to my keyholder for 31 days.

Good luck to all taking part this year. Don’t back up, don’t back down. That’s the only way I know…

male chastity

Mail Call: July Reader’s Questions and Answers

By Chaste on Monday, July 25, 2022

I received three questions recently that I want to answer here since the topics may interest other Cut to the Chaste readers.

Cherry Keeper Device Review Question

The first comes from Peter R. who asked about my review of the Cherry Keeper device. Peter writes…

Re. your review on the Cherry Keeper, specifically your comment that it was easy to remove. Did you have the “Headlock” feature in the device that you were testing? As per the Cherry Keeper website: “No device of this style is 100% secure, but HeadLock makes it so that a serious effort must be put in to escape.” The two statements are contradictory unless you didn’t have the HeadLock feature, and if you did, then the device will not satisfy my expectations.

Hi Peter, and thanks for your question. No, I did not test the Cherry Keeper with the HeadLock feature, and agree the statements you quoted from the manufacturer’s website are contradictory. And, as I mentioned in the review, I found it much easier to escape from the Cherry Keeper than many of the devices I’ve tested. That’s why I mentioned it in the review even though, as the statement you attribute to the Cherry Keeper manufacturer’s website says, “No device of this style [ball-trap device] is 100% secure.” All it required was pushing the locking mechanism at the top of the base ring away from my abdomen with my left thumb. That created plenty of a gap between the ring and my abdomen to allow me to work my flaccid member easily out of the cage and base ring, using my right index finger. I took about ten seconds. While I’ve found that same thing possible with other devices, it usually requires far more effort.

Since I’ve not tested a Cherry Keeper device with the HeadLock feature, I can’t say whether it makes the device more secure or not. But I have my doubts which is why I didn’t order a device that offered the option.

According to the manufacturer’s website, “The HeadLock feature adds a smaller ring to the entrance to the cage, restricting the opening in such a fashion as to hold the head in place.” It’s been my experience that whatever you can insert a peen through you can usually withdraw it from. And the true issue is, as I described, the ability of the wearer to gain access to the flaccid shaft between the body and the back of the base ring. I can’t imagine how having an extra, smaller ring at the base of the cage on the front side of the base ring would change that much.

Different folks find wearing a male chastity device appealing for different reasons. For example, some view a chastity device from the perspective of their interest in bondage. So, naturally, the security of the device is of paramount concern to them. These folks like the thought of having their penises hopelessly imprisoned inside an inescapable device that renders them completely helpless. But for penis owners without a piercing that they can incorporate into the security of the device, 100% security, like it or not, is not reality. It’s only an illusion that requires suspension of belief.

I know of folks who want 100% security so much, they superglue the locks of their devices or break the keys off in the locks. That might be a testament to their commitment to permanent chastity, but it doesn’t make their devices inescapable. Some devices are definitely more difficult to remove when locked than others, but a motivated guy can escape from any ball-trap device, period. And he probably won’t even need any tools to do it. A flaccid penis is simply too pliable and squishy to prevent it.

Here is my take on male chastity devices. It’s the symbolism of male chastity that matters most, not whether a chastity device is inescapable. For me, a chastity device is an anti-temptation measure, since one of the main reasons I wear them is because I want control over my masturbation frequency, something I struggled with a lot before I discovered chastity devices. And wearing a locked cage or tube has helped me tremendously.

I may not have the willpower to resist masturbating more often than I think I should or want to, but I have enough not to remove or escape from my device to do it. So, it doesn’t matter to me that my device isn’t realistically 100% secure and that I could escape it if I wanted. I have no interest in escaping. If I did, I wouldn’t waste money on buying the devices unless I also felt willing to get a Prince Albert (PA) piercing. A ring through a PA (or maybe a frenum piercing) that is hooked inside a locked chastity device cage or tube and not accessible is the only realistic way to prevent a guy from escaping a locked ball-trap device.

It wasn’t my intention to be overly critical of Cherry Keeper devices. They perform the function the manufacturer designed them for. For someone looking for a lightweight device and feels no temptation to escape from it while locked, they are well-designed, aesthetically pleasing, and functional. But they aren’t in my experience as secure as other devices I’ve tried.

Can I Get the Smoothness of a Metal Device and Weight of Plastic

The next question comes from Rob P. who asked if it were possible to find a device that offers the smoothness of steel, which he prefers, but with the light-weight of a plastic device he needs. Rob writes…

I have several devices and like the weight of the printed devices from custom chastity. But prefer metal as I get less chaffing. But the weight of the metal is a problem even with custom devices from mature metal. Any thoughts on how I get the smoothness of metal with the weight of plastic?

Ps I enjoyed your books

Hello Rob, and thanks so much for mentioning the books. I’m pleased you enjoyed them. Ah, nirvana. The silky smoothness of steel with the feather weight lightness of plastic. I’m sure many guys wish for that same thing.

First, the obvious response. Sadly, I do not know of any 3D printed device with the smooth feel of stainless steel. I’m very much a fan of steel devices myself, and so I know exactly what you mean. And I prefer steel to any plastic device I’ve tried, including the 3D printed ones. Personally, I like the weighty feel of stainless steel, so that’s not a problem for me other than when working out or going for a long run. And I have invested in plastic devices to wear for those activities. But I now own a stainless device that is so lightweight I don’t have to exchange it for plastic even when running. It’s the Amicus, a partially customizable device from Male Chastity Now.

I ordered the shortest cage length available, and it is unbelievably lightweight for stainless steel. I estimate it weighs less than half as much as my Mature Metal Jail Bird, maybe even less than that. It feels so light that I frequently forget I’m wearing it and have no issues when wearing it for running.

The owner of Male Chastity Now, a U.S. company, has always got the cages for the Amicus from a China-based supplier to keep the price low, and the quality is first rate. Then he makes the base rings. Unfortunately, his supplier has disappeared, so the Amicus isn’t available right now. But Male Chastity Now offers a fully customizable device, the Contender, which is every bit as lightweight at the Amicus with comparable cage lengths. So, that might be one option for you if the aesthetics of the device appeal to you.

Another custom maker of stainless devices, Badass workroom, also a China-based company that I’ve recently bought two different devices from also produces some high quality, beautifully crafted stainless steel devices that are far lighter than either of my Mature Metal devices. That could be another option. Badass workroom also manufacturers many of their models in titanium, which makes them about forty-five percent lighter than the lightest stainless steel models. That might definitely offer the smoothness of metal with a weight comparable to plastic.

I’m aware of Custom Chastity and they have a line of interesting devices, but I’ve never worn one and know little about the company. But I do own three 3D printed devices from three different manufacturers and so I know a little about how they make them. The last one I bought has the smoothest surface. The first one I got, one of the first available, has a surface that is quite rough, almost pebble-like. I had to do a lot of work on that one using a mini rotary sander because the base ring caused unbearable chaffing. So it seems the technology is improving and the device surfaces are getting smoother. But I also understand the smoother they make them, the more expensive the process. Still, with my experience with them, I don’t see any plastic device ever offering the satisfying smooth feel of steel.

I’m only guessing here, based on my experiences, but I’m assuming your biggest problem with chaffing comes from plastic base rings but the smoothness you’re after that you mentioned you enjoy probably has to do with the interior of the tube or cage. No matter how advanced 3D printing becomes, I can’t imagine you ever will get that feel from a plastic device. So, I’d say, titanium might be your best bet for getting the best of both worlds. Hopefully, before the end of the year I’ll get the chance to order, wear test, and review one of the titanium models from Badass workroom.

Thanks for the question and for supporting my books.

How to Put on a Chastity Device With One Hand

The last question comes from Jack T. who asked if I could offer any advice to someone with the use of only one hand for putting on a chastity device. I received Jack’s question through the contact page and the system delivered the email to me as it ideally does when someone completes the contact form. But I can’t access the email today for some reason, which is always annoying. Still, I can remember what Jack shared, so I’m relying on memory for this one.

The gist is Jack has use of only one hand, and his partner is unavailable to help at that moment, but he wants to wear his device. After many attempts, however, he hasn’t found a way to put it on by himself with only one hand.

Hi Jack,

Thanks so much for the question, and I’m sorry you’re having difficulties. Like you, I tried putting on a chastity device using only one hand to see if I could and wasn’t able to do it. Getting the tube or cage on and locked with one hand seems doable, but getting the base ring on with only one hand seems pretty near impossible. From my experiments, it seems if you could get your testicles into the ring, you could probably hold the ring with one hand and push the flaccid penis through with a thumb. But getting both testicles into the ring is the obstacle. I can get one inside pretty easily, but not both. Admittedly, I’m not the most coordinated guy on the planet, so someone with more dexterity could possibly do it. Still, I’m afraid I can’t offer you a solution. Maybe someone reading this, more clever than I am, might have an idea and will post it in the comments for you. Take care, Jack, and thanks for following the website.

That’s it for mail call this month. The comment form facility seems like it’s working properly for a change as these questions all arrived in my inbox like they were supposed to. When checking the spam folder where the questions had been going, I found only actual spam. So, if you have a question, give it a try. Also, don’t forget you can always slide into my DMs on Twitter with a question if you have a Twitter account.

male chastity

Fascinating Facts About the #PussyFree Lifestyle

By Chaste on Thursday, June 30, 2022

Have you heard about the #PussyFree lifestyle? I hadn’t until I recently came across it on Twitter, so of course I had to know more. Here are some fascinating facts about the lifestyle I discovered.

Maybe the #PussyFree lifestyle phenomenon doesn’t relate directly to the topic we cover in this blog, male chastity. Yet it isn’t too difficult to imagine how it could be related peripherally. I came across #PussyFree when I saw a Twitter post on my timeline from a guy I follow who practices and writes about male chastity. Apparently, he too had just come across it and was curious to learn what it was all about. I was too, so I delved into it.

The Origin of #PussyFree

As best I can tell, #PussyFree started on the Tumblr micro-blogging platform. That makes sense because at least before the “great purge” of adult content, Tumblr was arguably the cutting edge content site for all things sexual. In fact, Tumblr is where I got my first real exposure to male chastity.

What is #PussyFree?

It seems guys who make the #PussyFree pledge, not only do not engage in PIV sex, they don’t allow themselves to touch or even look at vaginas, out of feelings of unworthiness. Most of the stuff I’ve read about this relatively new lifestyle mentions guys who embrace #PussyFree consider themselves “losers” who don’t deserve to slide into a vagina, touch them, or look at them mostly because they have small penises that could never satisfy a woman. One of three primary things might dictate the #PussyFree designation for these guys.

A Femdomme a submissive guy submits to may designate him as #PussyFree, because she deems him unworthy of PIV sex because his penis is too small to satisfy a woman, or because she embraces female supremacy and considers all men unworthy of PIV sex. Often she locks him in a chastity cage and may even forbid him to even look at her vagina (and sometimes bare breasts) or any, like through viewing porn.

For some guys, life itself simply dictates they earn the #PussyFree designation. As an example, guys women always categorize as Friend-zone material and never seriously consider as sexual partners. This could be because a guy possesses a micro penis or because of some other shortcoming that makes him unappealing as a sexual partner in the eyes of women. As much as these guys might covet PIV sex, it simply will never happen for them. Pussy free becomes their lot in life by default.

Finally, some guys, especially those who identify as a “sissy,” self-designate as #PussyFree because they accept they are not only unworthy of PIV sex because they are undeserving of penetrating a woman, but feel they are only sexually suitable for penetration themselves by “real men.” These real men they define as authentic masculine men with large penises who can satisfy women.

Being Pussy Free Does Permit Masturbation

Guys who take the #PussyFree pledge can masturbate, but masturbation for them is only another form of humiliation, a constant reminder they are unworthy of PIV sex with a woman. Also, many of these guys masturbate only to censored or pixelated images of attractive naked women since they feel undeserving to even look upon images of vaginas and bare breasts.

An Assortment of Kinks

There is much to unpack regarding all the kinks the #PussyFree lifestyle adherents embrace. Humiliation is a significant part of it, especially small penis humiliation (SPH). There is the feminized male, or sissy, aspect. Also, cuckolding seems part of the lifestyle as does the BBC fetish, since many pussy free guys say that only black men with large penises can truly satisfy a woman and are worthy of PIV sex.

In a nutshell, it seems the guys attracted to this lifestyle use it to eroticize either their real feelings of unworthiness to have penetrative sex with a woman or because they have internalized from experiences with women in the past that women do not find them sexually attractive and they will rarely get the chance to experience PIV sex, anyway.

#PussyFree and Male Chastity

Candidly, one of the key tenants of this lifestyle, the feeling of unworthiness, makes #PussyFree unappealing for me. Also, humiliation isn’t one of my kinks. I’ve never felt unworthy of having PIV sex with a woman. While I do like the idea of female led relationships, I don’t subscribe to female supremacy.

Women are fabulous and intriguing, but they are not inherently superior to men because no human being is superior to any other human being for any reason. Yes, there are people who feel superior to others because they are physically attractive, have more money, hold “important” positions in society, and many other reasons. They are not and fool only themselves. And, no brag, just fact, I’ve never had a problem satisfying women I’ve had penetrative sex with. There have been more than a few, but if I shared a number, that would be bragging. Let’s just say it’s been a representative sample. Still, I am at a time in my life where the general concept of pussy free has some appeal.

I feel I’ve reached a point where I need to give up on intimate relationships and PIV sex completely and start enjoying all the other things I can experience and enjoy without worrying about my penis getting in the way. One of the best ways I’ve found to do that is by wearing a male chastity cage regularly. The device allows me to go about my day without thinking about my penis or sex all the time, allowing me to focus on other people in my life and other more significant matters. I feel this is very important if I want to discover what life is truly all about. Having worn a male chastity device for a few years now, I can say that my life is richer now and more attuned to my environment than ever. So, adopting a pussy free lifestyle on that basis seems a natural extension.

Many guys who practice chastity are into humiliation, including SPH, feminization, and cuckolding, so pussy free may not be much of a stretch for them either. While I can’t say I see #PussyFree as a natural part of male chastity, I recognize there is some overlap. The two are separate lifestyles or kinks, as you prefer. But I think they could coexist for some guys who embrace chastity.