chaste life Archives - Cut to the Chaste

The meme prompt for today is one of those I had planned to tweak a little to make it more relevant to my chastity experiences. But something happened yesterday that, at least for me, makes the original prompt more relevant. So, I’m responding to it here on this 31 Days of Chastity Day 18.

Could you (or your partner) ever go back to a relationship without some form of chastity?

At first glance, I felt today’s prompt had no real relevance to me since I’ve never had a relationship with a romantic partner acting as my key holder and accompanying me on my chastity journey. I’m sure I needn’t remind regular followers of this blog that my relationship with Lucie is not a romantic one. She is a professional chastity key holder and enforces my chastity in return for financial tributes. As I’ve explained many times, this is the type of chastity relationship that works best for me, at least under my current circumstances.

Still, I follow so many blogs curated by guys whose wives are their key holders, some of whom who are part of an actual female led relationship (FLR), it isn’t difficult for me to imagine what it might feel like if I was part of such a relationship.

All the guys who write these blogs were in their present relationships long before chastity became a part of the relationship dynamic they now share with their partners. Their relationships didn’t begin as an FLR or with them wearing a chastity device. So, I can say without equivocation, if I were a part of an FLR or even a relationship that wasn’t quite on that level, where chastity played the important role that I would want it to, I would not want to regress. I wouldn’t want to go back to the way things were before we introduced chastity into the mix.

Of course, as the saying goes, “It takes two to tango.” It’s rarely, if ever, only up to the guy wanting chastity whether it continues permanently. His partner also gets a vote. I’ve also read blogs by men where a wife or other partner has eventually tired of chastity for one reason or another and doesn’t want to continue it. So, I know some guys have already faced this situation where, whether they wanted it or not, chastity stops being part of their relationship.

In most of these cases, it has seemed to me their partners soured on chastity because these guys had unreasonable expectations for their partners to become something they weren’t and to behave in ways that more closely aligned with the chastity fantasies of these guys than with reality. In such instances, I have usually come down on the side of the partners involved, understanding why they didn’t want to do chastity anymore. Still, given the passion I feel for chastity, I can’t imagine ever being happy having to go back to the pre-chastity days of a relationship after finding chastity so satisfying.

Assuming I loved my partner, I also can’t really imagine ending an otherwise good relationship with a woman just because she didn’t want to continue keeping me in chastity. I only know I would hope I never faced that. And I would feel motivated to make chastity such a great experience for her she would never want to give it up either. Yet I learned yesterday that I am facing a situation now that sort of made this prompt much more relevant for me. Soon Lucie and I will part ways, at least as far as her being my mistress and key holder.

Since she hadn’t brought up NO-vember, the next monthly chastity observance that begins the day after Locktober ends, I had to ask her about it because my curiosity got the best of me. In response, she said she had to tell me something she knew I wouldn’t want to hear. Continuing, she told me that at the end of Locktober she needed to take a pause from keyholding to recharge her batteries and focus on other things.

No, as Lucie surmised, I wasn’t happy hearing it. We’ve been together for well over five months now and I have never had such an amazing relationship with a key holder. But Lucie’s news didn’t come as a shock. A while back, when we were discussing the possibility of making things more permanent, Lucie admitted there was something that gave her pause about the idea. She said she had in the past tired of keyholding and had stopped for a while, and she felt sure she would someday get bored with it and would stop again. I appreciated her candor back then, knowing that she cared enough about me she didn’t want to make me suffer disappointment unnecessarily. So, I have been mentally preparing for this, knowing the day would probably eventually come when Lucie would step away from keyholding. And now it has.

I can’t deny I feel sad about losing the best key holder I’ve ever had. But of course, I wouldn’t want Lucie to continue just for my sake knowing she feels she needs a break. I’ve felt burned out before and understand completely. I will just appreciate the memories Lucie has given me and wish her the best. She has now kept me locked and denied longer than any other key holder I’ve had, and that’s special to me. Things have been so good with Lucie that I’ve realized I am now ready to embrace permanent chastity with the right person. But unfortunately, that person will not be Lucie.

I am, in a sense, facing going back. Going back to the time before Lucie. Maybe this is even harder because there is no previous relationship with Lucie to go back to. Ours began and will end with chastity. Afterward, there will be no relationship. Honestly, I’m uncertain where I’ll go from here. Probably back to self-locking for a while and contemplating whether to seek another key holder. There are other women, pro key holders, that I’ve noticed recently and two of them I could easily imagine being my key holder. But Lucie will leave behind some big shoes to fill.

Can you believe we’re eighteen days into Locktober? How are you holding up? Remember, it’s all supposed to be about good fun and the challenge. Whether you’re thriving, just barely holding on, stay naughty but nice. We’re on the final stretch. Hope you will tune in tomorrow for 31 Days of Chastity Day 19 when we’ll take a look at this prompt:

Are there any unexpected ways Chastity has improved your life? If so, what are they?

31 Days of Chastity Meme

Previous Posts

Day 1: What Does Chastity Mean to You?

Day 2: Your Chasity Device

Day 3: Chastity Beginnings

Day 4: Partners

Day 5: Your First Time

Day 6: Chastity Fantasies

Day 11: Chastity as a Lifestyle Choice

Day 16: Chastity Difficulties

Day 17: It’s Not Like That

The Customs and Character of the Chaste Life Through Enforced Chastity

Enforced chastity is the practice where a male consents to someone else denying him orgasms on a more or less regular basis. This is often accomplished with the use of a chastity device (or cock cage), which prevents a male from touching his penis, achieving full erections, and ejaculating. In this article, I discuss the ethos of male chastity, the customs and character of the male chaste life.

The Unbridled Male Sex Drive

Within the average male there is a tremendous drive to have sex. It’s a natural, fundamental urge that’s impossible for us to ignore, genetically programmed into us by hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. While there is nothing wrong with having a healthy sex drive, the irresistible urges of our male libidos can be like a mighty river at flood stage, sweeping away everything in its path on its journey to reach the sea. One way or another, our sex drive demands release of the pent up sexual energy, not caring whether that gets achieved by destroying everything that stands in the way of us achieving sexual gratification.

Sexual Response Cycle

After a man orgasms his sexual response and desire drops precipitously to their lowest levels. But, as we know from experience, that doesn’t last long. Within twenty-four hours for most us, our sexual response and desire begins to slowly return as our prostates refill. Some guys may barely notice it at first, but within forty-eight to seventy-hours most men are ready again for some relief.

There are a lot of myths about male sexual desire, including the common belief that all men want sex all the time. I’m sure we’ve all heard the tired old trope that we men think with our penises instead of the heads on our shoulders. But it is true that most men think about and want sex more often than the average female. But let’s look now at a new myth being perpetrated today, especially in articles on the wonderful world wide web.

Women Want Sex As Often as Men?

Today we live in a society hyper-focused on equality of the genders at all costs. Instead of the freedom to appreciate the unique differences between males and females, increasingly, we are assailed by rabid social engineer keyboard warriors who insist we are all the same in every way.

For this reason you can find a lot of gibberish on the internet these days claiming that the libidos of men and women are not significantly different and that females desire sex as often as men. Wait! Whut? That has not been my experience.

I’m relying on personal anecdotal evidence here, but I’ve been it what I consider a fairly representative sample of relationships with women. That began with a marriage to a woman that was somewhat sexually repressed. During our marriage if we had sex three times a month, it was a cause for celebration.

After our divorce, I have been in only one relationship with a woman who was at least willing (if not always enthusiastic) to have sex as often as I wanted it. And of all the women I’ve had relationships since divorcing there has been only one woman who wanted sex more often than I did. She wore me flat out, but I was brave and tried never to complain.

Anyone who claims the sex drives of men and women are not materially different are simply full of crap. Either they don’t know what the hell they are talking about, or they are attempting to drive some gender equality narrative that has nothing to do with sex or libidos. Think about it. If nature had wired women to want sex as often as men, economies would collapse and civilizations would crumble because none of us would have time for anything else but sex.

The Reality of Unequal Libidos

Here’s the rub. Since most males desire sex more or less every twenty-four to seventy-two hours and most women do not, that can produce a lot of male sexual frustration. Since most of us guys don’t care to experience sexual frustration much, we to go to a reliable plan B when our partner isn’t interested. We wank, oftentimes accompanied by some motivational porn watching.

In and of itself, there is nothing wrong with masturbation, in moderation. If we’re in a relationship it can be a healthy way to fill in the gaps between our levels of sexual desire and that of a partners with a lower sex drive. It is certainly more healthy than having arguments about having sex. The problem arises when moderation goes out the window and wanking becomes an all too frequent habit. Many studies have shown that most guys masturbate daily, and some masturbate multiple times daily.

Sometimes when men masturbate excessively, it’s only because it feels so good they want to do it a lot. But, excessive masturbation can also come about because of the disparity between the sex drives of the genders. When a guy’s female partner rejects having sex with him, especially when rejection is frequent, it can feel like it is a rejection of his whole person. Also, guys may feel they are reduced to begging every time they want sex.

It’s not that we expect our partners to say yes every single time, but well, you get tired of continual rejection and having to beg. That can suck all the pleasure out of even having sex. Wanking seems a no-brainer. You get what you need without any chance of rejection and without having to beg for sex. But this too can lead to problems. It isn’t an exaggeration to say that excessive masturbation can be a relationship killer.

I’ll offer another personal anecdote. Once I was in a relationship with a woman who didn’t need or desire sex as often as I did. I often showered right before bed so I could wank because it helped me sleep better and I knew better than to expect sex. Invariably, there were times after I’d masturbated that she unexpectedly was in the mood for sex. At best, I wasn’t in the mood since I’d already satisfied my urges. Usually, I tried to accommodate her, but often wasn’t able to sustain an erection because I’d already ejaculated minutes before getting into bed. Good times.

Wanking and Porn the Silent Relationship Killers

Problems also arise for men who fall into the habit of staying up an hour or two or three to watch porn and wank after their significant other goes to bed. It starts because a guy has little confidence he will get sex, so why not stay up and get what you need? But after a while, he can become so satisfied with the porn and the wanking that he doesn’t really care whether she wants to have sex or not.

Personally, I’ve never known a woman, even a sexually liberated one, who was okay with that. They feel hurt, upset, and resentful. Soon the relationship starts to crumble. That’s because sex is not only a physical, pleasurable act for either gender. There is more to it than just getting naked and sharing a physical act. Experiencing emotional connection, closeness, and intimacy is also a large part of sex for both men and women. That is the part excessive masturbation can destroy, the very underpinnings of a successful relationship.

It Isn't Only About Sex For Men

I think I speak for many men when I say we want to be devoted to our wives or romantic partners. When a woman captures our hearts, we have an innate desire to do anything to please her and to make her feel happy and cared for. We are even willing to make sacrifices for her by making our needs secondary to her needs. This is not as unusual as some might believe. Given the right relational environment and guidance, these natural male qualities can contribute to a foundation upon which successful relationships thrive.

All most of us want in return is to feel loved and desired. We all want to feel like we matter to our partners and that our sexual organs have value to them. That’s why frequent rejection feels so damaging.

And sometimes, we want the rules and roles in the bedroom reversed. We want our partners to give the compliments, flirt with us, seduce us, and to initiate sex. This is important to us because when our partners initiate sexual activity it is the ultimate, the most clear way we feel desired.

That may seem to fly in the face of conventional wisdom. Both men and women are conditioned to seeing women’s bodies being the objects of desire. For this reason, I think many women are completely unaware that men feel this way about being desired.

Embracing The Ethos of Male Chastity

If what I’ve expressed here strikes a chord with you, exploring the ethos of male chastity might be for you. The practice of chastity, enforced by your partner, can transform your relationship in ways you may find unimaginable.

A woman who locks her man’s penis in a chastity device can expect to gain a more caring and attentive lover. Chastity can help a man learn to be humble, servant-minded, and more attuned to his instinctual male nature to lovingly yield his heart to his partner and to discover that her pleasure can become his greatest pleasure.

For many men, wearing a cock cage can become not only a reflection of their value but also a feeling of acceptance by their partner and a near immediate fulfillment of their need to feel desired.

The chaste life, while difficult at first and something that requires an adjustment period, offers so much more than the fleeting seconds of pleasure a guy gets from ejaculating semen every twenty-four to seventy-hours. So, if trying chastity has been something you’ve thought about but you’ve never taken the first step, maybe now is the time to sit down with your wife or romantic partner to have a serious talk about enforced male chastity.

First Steps

If you’re curious about male chastity and what it can do for you and your relationship, don’t put it off any longer. Take the first steps toward embracing the chaste life. On our chastity device review page, you can read reviews of a variety of chastity devices. Some of the custom-made models require a significant investment. But you will also find reviews for many well-made cock cages that cost lest than a hundred bucks and others that cost less than $20. An inexpensive device is often the best choice for a guy just getting started.

Next, do some reading. You will find many informative articles on this website aimed at beginners. There are also now many great books available on the topic of male chastity. Besides my book, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Male Chastity, I recommend Locked in Love by Key Barrett. Once you’ve read these books, they are both great for passing off to your partner when you feel ready to have the chastity talk with her. If you’re a guy ready to re-imagine your relationship, don’t put it off any longer. Take those first steps now.

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31 Days of Chastity Day 18: Going Back