31 Days of Chastity Meme Archives

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 31: The Keyholder’s Perspective

By Chaste on Tuesday, October 31, 2023

As I thought about what to write about on this last day of the meme, something occurred to me. The past thirty days of posts have all been from the perspective of those of us who wear chastity devices. It seemed only fair to wrap up with this 31 Days of Chastity Day 31 post by discussing chastity from the keyholder’s perspective. I hope those with a male partner who may have only recently revealed his desire for chastity will find this post helpful.

What tips and advice would you give to someone who had just recently learned a partner is interested in Chastity and is considering becoming their partner’s keyholder?

In this post, the focus is on wives or partners who want to know what they are letting themselves into before agreeing to become the chastity keyholder for their male partner. Despite what my circumstances have been and are, I won’t be discussing pro keyholders in this post.

Why Do Men Want to Wear a Chastity Device

If the guy you’re in a relationship with has recently shocked you by revealing that he wants to wear a chastity device and wants you to hold the key and enforce his chastity, you probably have a lot of questions. Why does he want this? Should you seriously consider agreeing to do what he has asked? Is this just another silly sexual kink like all the others that men are prone to ask their partner to take part in? Let’s answer these questions and then I’ll offer some tips you may find useful if you decide to grant your partner’s request.

Are you wondering why a man would ever desire having his most prized anatomical possession locked up and rendered inaccessible? It’s a fair question if you have any idea about the time and attention the average male devotes to his penis. Let’s begin here. Yes, male chastity is a thing and a surprising number of men are interested in exploring it. And the reasons so many men are interested in exploring chastity are as varied as the men themselves. But here are a few of the most common reasons.

The reason can be as simple as curiosity, and curiosity is a powerful thing. Usually, men learn about chastity and chastity devices from watching porn, reading chastity fiction, or from stumbling on a website devoted to chastity which are ubiquitous these days. Regardless of the specific source, a seed gets planted and develops in the mind. Eventually, it becomes an itch a man must scratch. Exposure to the concept of chastity and the various dynamics associated with it, for many, will start them on a journey, eventually ending with them buying and trying on a chastity cage. If he is like most men, your partner probably bought a chastity cage and experimented with it secretly long before he came to you to discuss chastity. He might not be able to articulate exactly why he wants to wear a chastity device and wants you to take part. He only knows he feels drawn to it.

Research shows that increasingly, it is oversexed males who desire to wear chastity devices. I’m not talking about men with sexual addictions, but about those who seem to want sex more often than their partners. And when they don’t get sex as often as they feel they need it, they turn to porn and masturbation to satisfy their needs. Sooner or later, many of these men come to feel they are watching too much porn and masturbating too often. A chastity device can seem like a good way to gain control over these habits.

A third reason a man might desire chastity is because he recognizes there is a submissive side of his nature that craves control. Wearing a chastity device to which his wife or partner controls the key as well as his access to sexual pleasure is one way to get the control he craves.

This isn’t an exhaustive list of every reason a man might want to wear a chastity device, but these are three very common reasons. While for some, a chastity device can be a fetish object or chastity play can be a mere kink, I think it is best not to assume that. For most guys who want chastity, it runs deeper than that.

Making a Decision

If your partner has asked you to lock up his penis, ask yourself a few questions before deciding if you should agree. Are you unhappy with how much attention he pays you now? Do you think that at least part of the problem is that he is watching too much porn? Has he admitted to you, or do you suspect he masturbates too much? Are you tired of the constant bartering for sex where he says he will do something for you (usually something he should already be doing anyway) in return for you giving him the sex he wants? Would you be willing to give up intercourse with him, at least in the short term, if you got a lot more attention from him, including him giving a lot more attention to your sexual needs and desires? Are you willing to take control of his access to sex and put forth the necessary effort toward making your relationship work in a new and exciting way? If you answered yes to these questions, you may want to consider becoming his keyholder.

Many women who know little about chastity or about what being a keyholder entails may question whether they can even do it. Others may think their partner is trying to force them to become a built in home dominatrix, something they have no interest in. I think any woman can become an effective chastity keyholder and no one should worry about having to become someone she isn’t or doesn’t want to be. Chastity keyholding isn’t rocket science. To make chastity work, all you need is a plan and a commitment to putting it in action. And here is a suggested plan.

Establish Some Ground Rules

Make it clear to your partner that chastity must be real, not some kinky game if you are to take part. Tell him it has to be a part of your relationship 24/7. Yes, it will take a few weeks to build up to 24/7 as a man’s body must adjust gradually to wearing a wearing a cage full time. But 24/7 must be the foundation if chastity is to be a positive change for the relationship. Once you begin, he cannot have any opportunity to control his sexual releases. That is an area where you must have absolute control. Warn him upfront that if he shows he isn’t serious, you will unlock him and will never considering taking part in chastity again.

There are many ways to acclimate a man to wearing a chastity device 24/7. Here is one way that is as good as any. Let him wear the device for only an hour or two the first time to make sure it fits reasonably well and doesn’t pinch his sensitive parts or cause any genuine pain. If everything seems okay, beginning on the second day, have him wear the device for four hours, every day, for a full week. Don’t allow him to skip a day. But don’t allow him to sleep wearing it yet.

Once he has worn the device for four hours a day for a full week, increase the time to eight hours a day for another full week. If that goes well, beginning the first day of the third week, have him wear the device 24/7, including sleeping while wearing it. It may take two or three nights for him to adjust to sleeping while caged, but he will get used to it.

Once he can wear the cage 24/7 for a week at a time, isn’t having chafing problems, and can sleep wearing it well enough, then you can put him on whatever schedule you wish. He should be able to wear the device indefinitely. Allow him to remove the device once each week for cleaning, after warning him not to masturbate. You may even want to supervise the shower or bath to make sure he doesn’t because he will feel tempted. As soon as he has washed his body and the device thoroughly and everything is dry, have him put it right back on. Don’t let him talk you out of it. Once he grows accustomed to 24/7, the device should never come off except for weekly cleanings, doctor’s appointments where he must undress, or when traveling by plane.

Teasing is Not Optional

Just like a relationship, chastity must have mutual rewards. Yes, at least at first, he will enjoy wearing the device and find it exciting having you controling him. That’s a reward, but he will need more of a reward than that. You must spend some time and effort teasing him. How much time is up to you. It doesn’t have to be a lot. A rule of thumb I once heard that sounds reasonable is five minutes of teasing each day always beats 30 minutes of teasing once a week.

Teasing is no mystery either and requires no special skills. You already know the things that your partner likes, what turns him on. The things that arouse him and put a smile on his face. The challenge is, with his penis locked inside a cage, it won’t be available. Well, unless you want to remove it temporarily or use a vibrator against the cage to provide a little stimulation and that’s very effective.

Often, you may find the things he likes don’t interest you that much, but he is making a sacrifice by relinquishing control over his prized possession, and you, too, must make some minor sacrifices. In time, it may surprise you that things you like him to do for you (e.g., massages, back rubs, feet rubs, etc.) will also serve as effective teasing for your partner.

Don’t worry too much about the teasing. It will soon become second nature for you and needn’t take up a lot of your time. Just know it’s important. Without teasing, your partner’s arousal will quickly plateau and he will become moody or even depressed and he may start pestering you to unlock him frequently. You don’t want that. Avoid the plateau. If you feel you need some teasing tips, I recommend reading this blog, https://myboyinchastityblog.wordpress.com/ Given the way WordPress blogs work, you will arrive at the latest post. I recommend you don’t start there but keep paging down until you arrive at the very beginning. Then you can follow one wife’s experience in learning how to become her husband’s keyholder and leaning the ropes. She knew absolutely nothing about male chastity when her husband first asked her to lock him up.

How Long Should You Keep Him Locked?

This is probably one of the first questions new Keyholders ask. So, let’s talk about how long you should keep him locked once he can wear the device comfortably 24/7 for a week or more at a time. I would say keep him locked at least three weeks, but four is better to start. Then escalate the time, a week or two at a time until you reach three months of continuous wear without release. Whatever time you set, NEVER give him the date you intend to unlock him, and NEVER let him persuade you to unlock him earlier than you intended.

This may sound cruel, but it isn’t. Both of you will get the most positive benefits from chastity when you keep him on a strict schedule of your choosing. It will soon become his new normal, and trust me, he will learn to love it. He may tell you how badly he needs release and beg you to unlock him. Not only should you say no whenever he does this, forbid him from begging or asking when you will unlock him. You can enforce this by threatening to add another week on top of the date you had intended. The threat of extra time locked should stop his inappropriate behavior. If he becomes irritable and continues asking you to unlock him, assume he isn’t serious about chastity. Unlock him, and tell him not to bring it up again. Never forget, you are doing him a real kindness by agreeing to take part in chastity. Chastity should never make your life harder. Don’t put up with bad behavior.

What’s In It for You?

Earlier I said just like a relationship, chastity should have mutual benefits. We talked about benefits for him. Now let’s talk about the benefits you should expect from locking your man in chastity.

From personal experience, I can attest chastity puts a stop to the masturbation and changes a man in many ways. It changes his mood, behavior, and libido. Most importantly, it changes his desire to please his partner. You will probably find that he will voluntarily take on extra responsibilities at home, like doing the cooking, cleaning, or doing the laundry. Every guy is different, so no guarantees. But you may find it happening, even if not routinely.

This often happens because a man’s sexual energy continues building when he no longer can release sexual tension through masturbation whenever he pleases. So, often, a man will divert that excess sexual energy towards pleasing you by doing things he believes make life easier for you.

Also, as the sole the source of your partner’s access to sexual pleasure, his feelings toward you will probably change in positive ways. He will adore you, love you in ways focused on your desires, and will feel eager to please you. Over time, he will feel happier because you are happier.

Keeping your man in chastity can improve your relationship as long as you have a solid relationship to start with. Over time, even in good relationships, couples may feel a decline in excitement and romantic feelings. Feelings of restlessness or dissatisfaction with one’s partner or the relationship in general can result. It can feel more like a friendship than a romance. Chastity can help in these circumstances and can help breathe new excitement and romance into the relationship. But it is important to note that chastity is not magic. Putting your man in chastity will never fix a bad relationship. You need a solid foundation to start with.

Hopefully, if you’re a new keyholder and are considering your partner’s request to lock him in chastity, you will find these tips and suggestions useful.

We made it. We’ve arrived at the end of Locktober 2023 and the meme. I hope everyone had a successful and fun Locktober. I also hope visitors to this blog enjoyed the 31 Days of Chastity Meme series. According to the stats, some posts seemed to interest visitors more than others, but site visits over the month were up and remarkably steady. I know writing the daily posts was an enjoyable diversion for me and helped me get through another Locktober. Sure, at times, it felt a little like a slog knowing I had to write and publish a post every single day, especially those days I didn’t feel excited about it. But I felt determined to complete the entire meme on this, my second attempt at doing so. Thanks to everyone for reading and supporting the blog. I really appreciate it.

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 30: Letting You Out

By Chaste on Monday, October 30, 2023

In the original 30-day chastity meme created by Saskia Zenn for Tickleberry.co.uk, the prompt for 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 30 is a “freestyle day.” So, today I’ve chosen the topic for this post.

Okay, the padlock is off now. Write about any Chastity related subject you like. Or create a list of chastity related things.

I’ve chosen to write about a chastity related subject instead of creating a list. And what could be more chastity related than a discussion of chastity devices? Specifically, I’ll share which device I’m buying next.

As I’ve mentioned, I recently bought the Hera XS (extra small) chastity device from House of Denial, the new 3D printed device that is part of the company’s exclusive Olympus collection. I won’t get to give the device a proper wear test until Locktober ends, but based on the aesthetics and wearing it for a short time after receiving it, I’m confident I will love the device. Assuming I love it as much as I expect I will, I’m already planning to buy a second Hera as my next device.

I felt torn when selecting my first Hera. While I really liked the white color, I ended up going with black, hoping I could use my black “Airlock” accessory with it. As it turned out, I couldn’t, but I do like the black color which is the same shade as the Kink3D Cobra. I mention that because on the House of Denial website, the color appears more of a dark gray, but it’s not. It’s black. Anyway, since I already have the black one, I will get the white Hera next.

Besides a different color, I’m also ordering a different size and will try the Hera S (small), the next size up from the Hera XS. As best I can tell from comparing the Kink3D sizing guide with the Hera measurements on the House to Denial website, I believe the Hera XS is comparable to the Cobra Baby and the Hera S is similar in size to the Cobra N.

While I’m partial to cages that are significantly shorter than my flaccid penis length and love the Hera XS fit, I also like the fit of my slightly longer Cobra N. That’s why I’m trying the Hera S next.

While the end of Locktober always feels a little bittersweet, I won’t mind it so much this year because I’m really looking forward to giving the Hera a test drive. Expect my review around mid-November.

While the original Tickleberry chastity meme is 30 days long, since I’ve used the meme for the 31-day Locktober 2023, I will post 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 31 tomorrow, the last day of this year’s Locktober. It’s another free day since there is no prompt. I’m kicking around a couple of different topic ideas and since I hadn’t decided before publishing today’s post, tune in again tomorrow if you want to see what I write about.

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 29: Fun and Games

By Chaste on Sunday, October 29, 2023

Sure, chastity is all about serving and suffering for your keyholder, but it should also be about fun. If it wasn’t fun for those of us who embrace chastity, few of us would probably want to continue wearing a device locked on our genitals. Today, the service and suffering takes a back seat as the 31 Days of Chastity Day 29 prompt spotlights the fun and games aspect of chastity.

What is your favorite Chastity Game? What does it involve, and how often do you play it?

Chastity games might cause some to think we’re talking about people who only practice chastity for brief periods to spice up things in the bedroom with a little kink. But fun and games are just as much a part of the chastity lifestyle.

I’ve read about many chastity games couples have created using things like dice and playing cards to introduce randomness to their play. And my favorite chastity game, which Lucie introduced to me, uses a pair of six-sided dice. Lucie has me roll the dice and then I have to perform the number of edges corresponding to the total of the two dice using a wand vibrator against my cage. What varies is how often she requires me to roll the dice.

Sometimes, when she is giving me other teasing assignments, she only makes me roll the dice once a day, using the edges to spike my arousal. Other times, she requires “all day edges” where I only roll a single die, but must roll once every hour from the time I wake until I go to bed, performing the number of edges every hour the roll dictates. And occasionally, she will require me to roll the dice and edge two or three times during a single day.

I enjoy this game for several reasons. The randomness appeals to me. And I just plain enjoy doing the edges since when I’m locked it is the closest thing to sexual pleasure I usually get. Of course, I suffer for the fun after doing the edges because it always leaves me not only horny but insanely frustrated. Still, it’s all good fun. The edging keeps my arousal peaking and the dopamine dripping. And the edging also often makes other assignments Lucie gives more fun and arousing than they would otherwise be.

The dice games are simple, but I always enjoy it when Lucie assigns them. I get a little pleasure and Lucie gets the suffering she enjoys so much.

Only two days left in the meme and Locktober 2023. 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 30 features a topic of my choosing. Check back tomorrow if you want to see what is.

Okay, the padlock’s off now. Write about any Chastity related subject you like. Or create a list of chastity related things.

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 28: Ooh… Suit You!

By Chaste on Saturday, October 28, 2023

You’re not alone if you didn’t get the title today, “Ooh… Suit You!” I didn’t either. Turns out it is a reference to a sketch, “Oh… Suit You Sir!” from a once popular British comedy, The Fast Show. The show aired on television from 1994 to 1997. I had never heard of it. Anyway, after dispensing with that useless bit of trivia, the 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 28 prompt concerns whether stealth is a factor in chastity device wear.

How do you keep your device discreet under clothing? Any embarrassing moments at airports, etc?

I am not one to flaunt it when wearing a chastity device. How well a device lends itself to stealth is one factor I consider when choosing one. That’s one reason I prefer compact devices that have cages a good bit shorter than the length of my flaccid penis and that, by design, follow the usual drop contour of a hanging flaccid penis. The device I’m wearing for Locktober, the Kink3D Cobra N, fits the bill perfectly. It’s super compact, and the cage has a definite downward tilt and nestles comfortably against the scrotum. Most of the cages I regularly wear all do the same. My newest acquisition, the Hera by House of Denial, fits similarly to the Cobra N and meets my stealth requirement.

Besides choosing stealthy cage designs, my clothing plays a role. My clothing styles have not changed since I got in to wearing chastity devices. I have always preferred comfort over style and wear “relaxed fit” type jeans, slacks, and shorts. I always wear loose fitting cotton athletic shorts to the gym. The style isn’t exactly baggy, but there is plenty of looseness in the fit that clothing does not print the chastity device against the fabric. I wear a chastity device everywhere I go with no concerns that people will notice it. I assume no one ever has since I’ve noticed no one glancing at my crotch with an expression of puzzlement.

This topic reminded me of an online article I came across a while back, “Why Do Men Wear a Chastity Device and How to Spot Them.” According to the author, here is how can you tell whether a guy is wearing a chastity belt (UK terminology for a cock cage) without undressing him.

His jeans are way too baggy.
He’s edgy and seems to have ants in his pants.
He’s not a hug bug.
He needs his privacy in the men’s room.
His trousers are spot-on (reference to leaking semen).
He’s practically champing at the bit to see his lady.
He’s putty in the hands of his keyholder.
His performance has improved recently (increased productivity).

Not sure whether this is meant to be tongue-in-cheek. Tight clothing avoidance, wanting extra men’s room privacy, and increased productivity might be accurate, but the rest are pretty silly. So I can’t say I believe this article offers any real tips for spotting a guy wearing a chastity device. All I know is I take active steps to prevent flaunting that I’m wearing one. Part of it is because I am a private person and I also believe it is unethical to involve other people in my kinks without their consent. But I am aware there are guys who flaunt it and hope people notice they are wearing a chastity cage.

Another online article I read recently, “The Men Who Wear Chastity Cages to the Gym,” is all about guys who don’t bother hiding their cages. These guys purposely wear tight fitting athletic clothing while doing bench presses face up with their legs spread, flaunt the device in locker room while changing or showering, and some even snap a few photos to share on social media. I can’t pretend to understand the motivation, but many of these guys readily admit they want others to see they are wearing a chastity cage. I can only assume they are seeking to satisfy an exhibitionism paraphilia or seeking erotic humiliation. But it’s not really my thing.

Since I keep my device wear discrete intentionally, I have never had an embarrassing incident at an airport, the gym, or anywhere else. And again, that’s not an experience I would seek or enjoy.

Fun and games will be the subject of tomorrow’s 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 29.

What is your favorite Chastity Game? What does it involve, and how often do you play it?

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 27: Well It’s Not Going to Lick Itself Is It?

By Chaste on Friday, October 27, 2023

The prompt for today’s 31 Days of Chastity Meme is another one that has no application for me. It’s aimed at those fortunate enough to have a wife or other romantic partner as their keyholder. Still, serving a keyholder is an interesting topic to talk about, so I’m going with it.

How do you like to serve? What ways of serving your keyholder really turn you on?

In the chastity blogs I follow regularly, the curators often share about the ways they serve their keyholders. Of the four blogs I enjoy most, men curate three of them and a dominant woman the fourth. The men all have a wife as their keyholder and the woman enforces her husband’s chastity. It shouldn’t surprise anyone then that the services rendered and received by these bloggers are almost singularly focused on sexual service.

I can’t recall any of the guys ever sharing stories about doing house cleaning or laundry, completing “honey do” lists, or running errands for their wives, things that could make their spouse’s life easier. Maybe some of this goes on, but we can’t know that since none of these guys ever talk about it. Maybe it’s because they think that writing about performing household chores as acts of service to their keyholder wives is too mundane and assume other guys in to chastity would much rather hear about the sexual side of things. Interesting, the woman blogger is the same. She only writes about her husband’s sexual acts of service.

Look, I get it. I suppose I have to admit I prefer reading about the sex too, much more than I would enjoy a guy relating the story of how he washed and detailed his wife’s car last weekend as an act of unselfish service. And hearing from the woman how her locked and sexually denied husband eagerly performs cunnilingus on her on command and gives her intercourse until she orgasms while restraining himself also makes for great reading.

One male blogger in particular enjoys telling how much his wife loves him giving her penetrative sex while he wears a strap on harness with a large, realistic and “real skin” feeling dildo belted on above his chastity cage. She even seems to prefer the more generously sized dildo so much to his smaller penis that she no longer allows him to ever use it for intercourse anymore. Yes, I love these stories. After all, isn’t putting your partner’s sexual desires and needs above your own really what chastity is all about?

I’m not ashamed to admit how much I truly envy all the guys from these blogs, having the opportunity to service their wives sexually as much as their wives want and whenever they want. And while they remain locked in a chastity device with no opportunity to feel any stimulation or have orgasms themselves. But when you think about it, all these stories I read on those blogs really sound much more like the fantasy side of chastity than the reality side of chastity.

Yes, unselfish and unreciprocated sexual service is a valid way of serving a keyholder who wants it. But when you think about how much this all connects with the male chastity fantasy, you must admit that these guys are getting exactly what they want out of the deal too, aren’t they? It doesn’t require much imagination for me to visualize how amazing it must be serving your keyholder this way. Hearing her moan and then feeling her writhe beneath you as she orgasms. Yes, I don’t find it hard at all to imagine how my caged penis would swell and strain inside the cage the entire time, and how it would make me feel so insanely horny. It all sounds massively appealing.

These guys aren’t getting orgasms, but aren’t they receiving sexual pleasure in just the way they want it? So, how unselfish is it, really? And who is serving who? I just think there has to be more to serving a keyholder than just the sexual part.

For those of us who don’t have a wife or partner as a keyholder and who look to professionals to enforce our chastity, serving sexually isn’t an option. Sometimes guys who do regular in call sessions with a professional domme get opportunities to serve them. Maybe the domme lets them buy her things, or she allows them to do chores for her around her home.

One professional dominatrix I know told me one of her clients often comes to her house and cooks gourmet meals for her. But serving a pro domme sexually is rarely if ever in the mix. Part of the allure of seeing a dominatrix is she is the unattainable woman, a woman who would never have sex with you under any circumstance. And pro dommes want to preserve this. The vast majority of them would never have sex with a client, even if she felt an attraction for him. So, when a pro allows it, a client can only serve her in other ways and only in ways she allows him to serve her.

I’ve never booked an in call with a pro domme. I’ve thought about doing it sometimes, but never have. Not saying I never will do, but so far I have only interacted remotely with pro dommes for keyholding services. That makes serving your keyholder even more difficult. You can’t drop by her house to do landscaping, clean her bathroom, or to drop off her dry cleaning. My current keyholder lives in Europe and I live in the States. I’ve been to Europe many times, but I don’t go there regularly. So, I have no opportunity to serve Lucie in any physical way. That doesn’t mean I don’t serve her at all. I just serve Lucie in ways compatible with the reality of our circumstances.

The primary way I serve Lucie is by giving her financial tributes in respect for the time and effort she devotes to enforcing my chastity and teasing me so that I enjoy the experience of her keeping me locked. The tributes are actually modest compared to those required by other professionals I’ve had as keyholders in the past. And as much of herself as Lucie puts into the keyholding services she provides, she should charge a lot more than she does. That’s why I always add a generous tip to the tributes she asks for. I would feel cheap not to.

The fact is, offering financial tributes is the only actual way you can serve a distance keyholder. It’s the only way you can make her life better, which should always be every locked guy’s goal. I have done a few other things for Lucie that I could do online, and was happy for the opportunities. I have also served her by performing the tasks she assigns me to the best of my ability. And that form of service has turned me on the most. But financial tributes remain the only actual option for me to serve her in any meaningful way. And you can believe me when I say Lucie has been worth every penny. She has given me the most satisfying chastity experience I have ever had. And I will sorely miss it when our arrangement ends.

Wow! We’re almost at the end of the 31 Days of Chastity Meme series. Only four days and four posts remain. The prompt for tomorrow’s 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 28 is:

How do you keep your device discreet under clothing? Any embarrassing moments at airports, etc?

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 26: Release Management

By Chaste on Thursday, October 26, 2023

The original prompt for 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 26 didn’t apply to me at all, so instead today’s topic is release management. I’ll talk about how long my keyholder usually keeps me locked between releases.

How does your keyholder manage your releases? Tell us about the schedule your keyholder uses. For example, are you locked for a set number of days or weeks? For a month or longer? Or does your keyholder manage your releases on an indefinite schedule?

Every keyholder has their own system of managing their chastised male’s releases. Some prefer longer locked periods and some prefer shorter. The best-case scenario is when a keyholder knows their charge well and tailors the locked periods to how the male responds to orgasm denial.

One of the excellent chastity blogs I follow regularly is curated by the femdom keyholder in a chastity-based, FLR relationship with her husband. She regularly keeps her husband on a 7-day schedule, keeping him locked in his device all week and then unlocking him and allowing him to orgasm and ejaculate at the end of each week before beginning the cycle again. The keyholder follows the 7-day schedule because she says her husband gets resentful or depressed when locked and denied for over 7 days, so she rarely goes beyond that except for punishment or just a change of pace.

Personally, I would hate that 7-day schedule. Here’s why. Agni, a chastity keyholding expert and the woman who once curated the Tumbler blog, Ask Agni, wrote an interesting piece called “Traffic Jam Chastity.” Like the constant starting and stopping in a traffic jam, Agni believes that unlocking and allowing a male to orgasm after only a few days or a week at a time prevents him from ever getting past the battle for relief and into the “Goldilocks Phase,” the period where he is floating on the fabled dopamine-driven submissive cloud of chaste pleasure. And that phase is when chastity is the best and most enjoyable for the male and most beneficial for his keyholder. And, as Agni explains, that is just how the male sexual response cycle works.

Agni believes after a male has an orgasm and ejaculates and enters the refractory period, all that nice tension wound into his brain by denial unravels and his interest in sex evaporates along with his submissive feelings. After two or three days, sexual desire slowly returns as his prostate refills and his one-track mind gets ready for another orgasm. That’s why the third or fourth day of chastity and denial are always the hardest and why Agni believes a keyholder must train the male to endure longer periods of chastity.

In my experience, Agni is correct. Days three and four are always the hardest for me after I’ve had a release. Between the end of the third day and the beginning of the fourth, my brain finally accepts that orgasm is not imminent and my body stops fighting the chastity. Usually between the fifth to seventh day, I hit the Goldilocks phase and find chastity the most enjoyable. I agree with Agni that this period, lasting between three to four weeks, is when a male is the most malleable and submissive.

That’s exactly how it works with me. So, if a keyholder kept me on a regular 7-day schedule between releases, I would never enter the phase of chastity I love the most. I suspect for the husband in the blog I mentioned, the weeks probably feel like doing and unending series of Locktober again and again because I’m sure he is always counting down the days and craving the release more with each passing day he knows always comes at the end of the week. No wonder he gets resentful or depressed whenever his wife occasionally keeps him locked longer. She has conditioned him to the 7-day cycle.

Lucie preferred shorter locked periods like 5-9 or 10-17 days when we first started. She never gave me the exact day to expect release, just a window of opportunity, and stressed my performance and behavior, good or bad, affected her decisions on managing releases. But once she learned I preferred longer periods and that longer periods benefited her more, she began lengthening my locked periods. We soon progressed from four weeks to where we are now at over 100 days since my last release. And she has maintained the indefinite nature of my locked periods, where I never know when a release is coming throughout. That’s worked well because Lucie gives me plenty of teasing to build my arousal to the max and then sustain it, so I think she can keep me in the Goldilocks phase even longer than the three to four weeks Agni talks about.

My position has always been the keyholder decides when or if I get a release. So, I’ve never disagreed with the locked periods Lucie has mandated. But in a perfect world, if I had a say in the management of my releases, I would prefer a 21-31 day release system where my keyholder permitted me orgasm about once per month. Can’t lie. I still want to orgasm and ejaculate sometimes and I think about 12 times a year would be about right for me. But here’s the funny thing. I would also prefer my keyholder only allowed me ruined orgasms.

Ruined orgasms offer a taste of the sensations from climaxing and ejaculating, but they don’t completely wipe out the accumulated arousal the way full orgasms do. I love the feeling of constant desire and arousal and I don’t enjoy going all the way back to zero and suffering through the post refractory periods until I get back to the Goldilocks phase. I had planned to discuss all this with Lucie after Locktober until I learned she needs to take a break for a while. But if I decide to find a new keyholder, I will definitely bring it up during our negotiations. I still want the indefinite aspect where I never when I’ll get a release, but I would like to know I will one about every month.

That’s my thoughts on managing releases as far as it applies to me and my experience with Lucie. If you’re curious, Agni recommends locked periods of at least two weeks (as a reward for extra good behavior), but usually three weeks, and up to four (as a penalty for unacceptable behavior). It seems she and Lucie have very similar outlooks on chastity enforcement.

Don’t miss 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 27 when we will discuss service to the keyholder.

How do you like to be served? What ways of serving your keyholder really turns you on?

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 25: Actually, I’m in to…

By Chaste on Wednesday, October 25, 2023

Here we are on 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 25 with only one week to go as we hurtle towards the end of Locktober 2023. Today’s discussion centers on openness about chastity.

How open are you about your chastity and being locked up?

I have curated this blog dedicated to chastity for many years, have written books about the practice of chastity, and have been an enthusiastic practitioner of chastity for years. A part of my passion for chastity is sharing it with others and encouraging others to try it. But despite all that, I can’t claim I am truly open about chastity and about spending most of my days and nights for the past four years locked in a chastity device.

None of even my closest vanilla friends, work colleagues, or family members know I am nearly always wearing a chastity device locked on my genitals. I don’t hide it because I am ashamed of my desire to wear chastity devices and to have a dominant woman imposing orgasm control and denial on me. What explains my lack of transparency with those outside the chastity community is the vast majority of people I know best and have close relationships with would feel extreme discomfort if I told them I enjoy wearing chastity devices. They simply wouldn’t understand it, and even if they were kind enough not to express their overt disgust, I’m sure they could not hide their disapproval.

Frankly, I feel confident the vast majority of guys who enjoy wearing chastity devices and engaging in orgasm denial shield this part of their lives from their real life associates and family members, just as I do. It seems people are just too willing to judge others who engage in something they find weird or perverted and who among us needs that? For that reason, as I once mentioned before, it seems most of us chastity enthusiasts remain “in the closet” unless we’re among our people.

I often wish it didn’t have to be this way and hope someday that male chastity will be so mainstream that none of us have to hide our enjoyment of it. But today is not that day. And so, my openness about chastity and being locked is limited to online interactions for now.

In tomorrow’s post, 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 26, I’ll be talking about chastity release management as I respond to this prompt:

How does your keyholder manage your releases? Tell us about the schedule your keyholder uses. For example, are you locked for a set number of days or weeks? For a month or longer? Or does your keyholder manage your releases on an indefinite schedule?

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 24: Partners

By Chaste on Tuesday, October 24, 2023

While I think having a romantic partner as your keyholder is always the best situation, relying on professionals has advantages. For one, you can choose a professional with the qualities you most desire. In today’s 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 24, I’m sharing what I look for in a keyholder.

What qualities do you look for in a keyholding partner?

Having had what I think is a representative sample of professional keyholders, I know they aren’t all the same. I’ve talked to several others who I ultimately chose not to enter keyholding agreements with when it appeared obvious they didn’t possess enough of the qualities I was looking for. But here, I will not focus on the shortcomings I’ve observed, but will instead share what I look for in a keyholding partner.

Authenticity. I look for someone who has a sincere interest in the chastity dynamic, not someone who only offers keyholding as a side gig to earn some extra money. Those types rarely have a professional website and instead rely on X (formerly known as Twitter), Fetlife, or one of the many fan sites to attract clients. Someone sincerely interested in enforcing chastity will have a lot of knowledge about it. Those only interested in making money usually don’t. A Professional website and knowledge of what chastity is about are the first things I look for.

Legitimate Dominance. I also look for a keyholder who is legitimately dominant. A romantic partner who graciously agrees to become a keyholder may not be a legitimate dominant or perhaps just hasn’t discovered the dominant part of their nature at the beginning. That’s okay. But when you tribute someone to enforce your chastity, you have every right to expect that person is a true dominant, not someone simply playing a role. I think I’m pretty good at sensing true dominance, but the best ones seem to exude dominance from their pores. Lucie is a good example. Five minutes into our first video call, I had no doubts about whether Lucie was the real deal or not.

Confidence. I look for confidence in a keyholder partner. Intuitively, you might think authentic dominance and confidence go hand in hand. They don’t. Confidence is usually a product of knowledge and experience. Someone who seems to project the “ultra bitch” or “psycho cunt” image intentionally are red flags for me because I know that is usually how someone lacking confidence attempts to hide it. Think Kamala Harris. Sorry. Nothing personal and I have no idea if she considers herself dominant, but she is the epitome of exactly what I’m talking about here. Exercising control requires confidence. Faking it doesn’t cut it.

Caring. I want a keyholder who cares about me as a person and shows it. A domme can be strict and even impeccably cruel and still be caring at the same time. She can be stern, bossy, even tyrannical. I want all that as long as she is also caring and makes me feel she has my best interests at heart.

Fair. I have dealt with dominant women who thought exercising dominance meant tricking or baiting a submissive into technical violations of their rules so they had an excuse to administer punishment. That doesn’t work for me. I expect honesty and fairness. Respect goes both ways. A dominant should give clear instructions, all questions for clarification if necessary, and then enforce fair standards. I don’t expect to be coddled, but I do expect fairness and I wouldn’t hesitate to end a relationship with any dominant who seemed to believe playing stupid games was what dominance is about.

Intelligent & Creative. I think intelligence and creativity are important qualities to seek in a keyholder. This is always true, but especially true with distance keyholders. Having a keyholder who doesn’t have these qualities severely limits the length of a relationship because you will soon exhaust what can be done online. Things will then quickly grow stale and both parties will grow bored and one or both won’t want to continue.

A Sense of Humor. One of the things I’ve treasured most about Lucie is her sense of humor. Chastity should be fun. Lucie makes it fun. As an example she has often assigned me a task with the requirement to send her a video of my performance. More than once she has given me a task that she knew very well was impossible. And when I contacted her, frustrated after learning I couldn’t do what she asked because I realized it was impossible, she would laugh and admit she knew it was impossible. And no matter how frustrated I was, I’d always end up laughing right along with her. Chastity doesn’t have to be and shouldn’t be deadly serious all the time. It should be fun for both parties to a keyholding agreement.

Those are the qualities in no particular order that I look for in a keyholder partner. I’m enough of a realist to know you aren’t often going to find a keyholder who possesses every single one. But I won’t settle for a keyholder who doesn’t have at least most of them. With Lucie, I’ve been exceptionally lucky because she ticks every box. That’s why I hate the thought of our relationship ending. It’s unlikely I’ll find another keyholder keyholder who will offer anything close to the experience Lucie has given me for the past five months.

Tomorrow in the post 31 Days of Chastity Day 25, I’ll offer my thoughts on the subject of openness about the practice of chastity. Hope you will join me again as I respond to this prompt:

How open are you about your chastity and being locked up?

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 23: Perspectives

By Chaste on Monday, October 23, 2023

Life experiences, the people you surround yourself with, education and learning, and changing roles can all produce changing perspectives. Today, on 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 23, we are looking at how chastity can change your outlook on life.

Since you first developed an interest in Chastity, has your outlook on life changed? Are these changes good or bad?

Before developing an interest in chastity, I was a slave to my libido like many men, probably most men, if we’re being honest. My life essentially was having an orgasm and ejaculating, going two or three days, and having an orgasm and ejaculating again. Then the cycle continued.

By today’s standards, I suppose I was a late bloomer since I was 18 and in the military before I had sex for the first time, with a girl I met in a club one evening. After that first time, I made up for lost time. I definitely preferred having orgasms and ejaculating while having sex over masturbating. By the time I was 20, I had already had more sexual partners than Taylor Swift, and that’s a lot. I’m not bragging. I’m actually not proud of it and only remember the number of women because I thought that was awesome back then. What a stud, right? No, I was just a selfish jerk. I didn’t have real relationships with any of those women, I just used them for sexual gratification. Most of those sexual experiences were one night stands. That’s nothing to be proud of either, much less to brag about.

Just before turning 22, I got married and was in my first long-term relationship with a woman. The marriage eventually failed and I divorced. Then I went right back to having sex with women the way I had between the ages of 18 and 20. I had become more likely to get into relationships by then, but the relationships ended pretty quickly so I was still having sex with a lot of women. That’s because my life still revolved around that two or three day male libido schedule. And that never changed much until I developed an interest in chastity. Chastity completely changed my paradigm. It totally changed my perspective on women.

The biggest change of perspective for me is I no longer view women as just sex objects who can give me sexual pleasure. I have never once abused a woman ore treated one with disrespect. I have loved women my entire life, especially once I discovered for the first time that women have something between their thighs that can make me feel so good. But now I can admit I’ve mistreated many women by using them just to satisfy my selfish desires. Again, that’s nothing I am proud of.

For much of my adult life, I didn’t care about women’s needs, desires, or pleasure. I wanted them to orgasm when I had sex with them, but only because it made me feel even more like a stud when they did, especially when I was with women who wanted to keep going even after they had multiple orgasms. It was only another facet of my selfishness. I didn’t actually care about their pleasure. Even their orgasms were for my pleasure.

That’s all changed for me now, thanks to chastity. Don’t misunderstand. I still love women. I still desire having sex with them. And I still enjoy having orgasms and ejaculating. But I’m no longer a slave to my libido. And I sincerely care about a woman’s pleasure far more than mine.

Once we became close, Lucie began sharing with me about her sex life. And she has a lot of sex, especially on weekends. While she has a boyfriend in real life, she is in a non-monogamous relationship and keeps him locked in chastity so she doesn’t have sex with him. She has sex with other people, a lot of different people, and she enjoys telling me about it. It’s not that Lucie tells me because she thinks I’ll feel jealous because that isn’t the sort of relationship we’ve shared.

She enjoys telling me about her sexual exploits to make me horny when I can’t do a thing to get any relief. It’s just part of the teasing. But it took Lucie a while to realize something. Sharing her exploits doesn’t exactly get the response from me she was expecting. Yes, it makes me horny listening to her stories, but that’s not all. That’s because I get vicarious pleasure from knowing Lucie is getting sexual pleasure, even though I’m not. Her sexual pleasure is far more important to me than getting pleasure myself. I knew she had finally realized it the day she first acknowledged she was actually coming for both of us.

I feel joy knowing Lucie pursues her pleasures and desires, and I feel no resentment. I fully support her. Even if we were together in a romantic relationship, I wouldn’t feel any jealously over her getting her sexual needs met by others.

Sometimes I wonder if chastity isn’t just the way I pay penance for the way I used women in the past for selfish sexual gratification. If so, I have no problem with it. I’m just glad I developed an interest in chastity and that it taught me to champion women’s pleasure unselfishly instead of focusing on satisfying my own desires for sexual pleasure. Who knows? Maybe someday I’ll have a woman in my life again, one who I will give me the privilege of treating her the way she deserves.

For 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 24, I’m sticking to the partners theme reflected in the prompt. However, since the prompt is aimed at those who have a romantic partner as a keyholder, it doesn’t apply to me. Instead of the original prompt, I will respond to this one instead tomorrow.

What qualities do you look for in a keyholding partner?

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 22: Relationships

By Chaste on Sunday, October 22, 2023

Chastity relationships versus non-chastity relationships. Are the dynamics of all healthy relationships the same? I weigh in with my opinions in today’s 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 22 post.

What do you think is important in keeping a Chastity relationship healthy? Would this be any different in a non-Chastity relationship?

Experts tell us that healthy relationships involve honesty, trust, respect and open communication between partners and they take effort and compromise from both people. Those are all things that I agree are necessary in all relationships, whether we’re talking about chastity or non-chastity relationships. But the experts also say that there is no imbalance of power in a healthy (non-chastity) relationship. Partners respect each other’s independence, can make their own decisions without fear of retribution or retaliation, and share decisions. Here is where healthy chastity relationships diverge from more vanilla style relationships.

By definition, chastity relationships involve a power exchange. The chastised male literally surrenders his sex life to his partner (or other keyholder), giving them full control over when or if he gets sexual pleasure. Once another holds the key to his chastity device, he can no longer get normal erections, play with himself, or have orgasms without her knowledge and consent.

That’s a far cry from a balance of power where both partners remain independent and can make their own decisions. At least regarding sex. Not all chastity relationships are full female led relationships, so the locked male may still keep near complete autonomy is most if not all other areas. But along with the chastity device key, the partner often assumes some measure of control over other things, especially those directly related to the chastity dynamic.

For example, she may ask for sexual pleasure whenever she wants it, choose what her partner wears, especially beneath everyday clothing, and assign tasks to her partner like increased household duties responsibilities. So while things like honesty, trust, respect, and open communication between partners are just as necessary to a healthy chastity relationship, there are other things they do not share with vanilla relationships.

The power exchange dynamic promotes deeper, stronger, and better bonds between the partners and defines the respective roles clearly. Most importantly, it makes the chastity relationship fun, exciting, and sexy. The chastity device turns the male’s desire, passion, attention, and energy toward his partner, holding the key. She then gains the power to enforce her desires for the relationship. That doesn’t mean the relationship becomes one-sided.

Chastity benefits both him and her. It’s a major turn on for him because of his loss of control. That’s typically what prompts guys to request chastity to begin with. The increased control she gets can help her grow more confident and more explorative, allowing her to discover more about her own sexual desires. Often he discovers a core need to submit and his partner discovers a core need to dominate. As both feel the freedom to be who they are without hiding it, they find it brings them even closer together. They can experience intimacy on levels beyond anything many vanilla couples never do. Clearly defined roles help build deeper human connections.

Yes, we find commonalities between healthy chastity and vanilla relationships, but the power exchange dynamic in chastity makes them significantly different.

Tomorrow’s post, 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 23 features this prompt:

Since you first developed an interest in Chastity, has your outlook on life changed? Are these changes good or bad?