Chaste, Author at Cut to the Chaste

Chaste

I’m a guy. You may call me Chaste. I was married once, but have been divorced now for many years. I have two adult children. A good long while ago, I became curious about exploring what is known as enforced male chastity. At a time when I found myself between partners, it seemed like a good time to satisfy my curiosity about it.

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 26: Release Management

By Chaste on Thursday, October 26, 2023

The original prompt for 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 26 didn’t apply to me at all, so instead today’s topic is release management. I’ll talk about how long my keyholder usually keeps me locked between releases.

How does your keyholder manage your releases? Tell us about the schedule your keyholder uses. For example, are you locked for a set number of days or weeks? For a month or longer? Or does your keyholder manage your releases on an indefinite schedule?

Every keyholder has their own system of managing their chastised male’s releases. Some prefer longer locked periods and some prefer shorter. The best-case scenario is when a keyholder knows their charge well and tailors the locked periods to how the male responds to orgasm denial.

One of the excellent chastity blogs I follow regularly is curated by the femdom keyholder in a chastity-based, FLR relationship with her husband. She regularly keeps her husband on a 7-day schedule, keeping him locked in his device all week and then unlocking him and allowing him to orgasm and ejaculate at the end of each week before beginning the cycle again. The keyholder follows the 7-day schedule because she says her husband gets resentful or depressed when locked and denied for over 7 days, so she rarely goes beyond that except for punishment or just a change of pace.

Personally, I would hate that 7-day schedule. Here’s why. Agni, a chastity keyholding expert and the woman who once curated the Tumbler blog, Ask Agni, wrote an interesting piece called “Traffic Jam Chastity.” Like the constant starting and stopping in a traffic jam, Agni believes that unlocking and allowing a male to orgasm after only a few days or a week at a time prevents him from ever getting past the battle for relief and into the “Goldilocks Phase,” the period where he is floating on the fabled dopamine-driven submissive cloud of chaste pleasure. And that phase is when chastity is the best and most enjoyable for the male and most beneficial for his keyholder. And, as Agni explains, that is just how the male sexual response cycle works.

Agni believes after a male has an orgasm and ejaculates and enters the refractory period, all that nice tension wound into his brain by denial unravels and his interest in sex evaporates along with his submissive feelings. After two or three days, sexual desire slowly returns as his prostate refills and his one-track mind gets ready for another orgasm. That’s why the third or fourth day of chastity and denial are always the hardest and why Agni believes a keyholder must train the male to endure longer periods of chastity.

In my experience, Agni is correct. Days three and four are always the hardest for me after I’ve had a release. Between the end of the third day and the beginning of the fourth, my brain finally accepts that orgasm is not imminent and my body stops fighting the chastity. Usually between the fifth to seventh day, I hit the Goldilocks phase and find chastity the most enjoyable. I agree with Agni that this period, lasting between three to four weeks, is when a male is the most malleable and submissive.

That’s exactly how it works with me. So, if a keyholder kept me on a regular 7-day schedule between releases, I would never enter the phase of chastity I love the most. I suspect for the husband in the blog I mentioned, the weeks probably feel like doing and unending series of Locktober again and again because I’m sure he is always counting down the days and craving the release more with each passing day he knows always comes at the end of the week. No wonder he gets resentful or depressed whenever his wife occasionally keeps him locked longer. She has conditioned him to the 7-day cycle.

Lucie preferred shorter locked periods like 5-9 or 10-17 days when we first started. She never gave me the exact day to expect release, just a window of opportunity, and stressed my performance and behavior, good or bad, affected her decisions on managing releases. But once she learned I preferred longer periods and that longer periods benefited her more, she began lengthening my locked periods. We soon progressed from four weeks to where we are now at over 100 days since my last release. And she has maintained the indefinite nature of my locked periods, where I never know when a release is coming throughout. That’s worked well because Lucie gives me plenty of teasing to build my arousal to the max and then sustain it, so I think she can keep me in the Goldilocks phase even longer than the three to four weeks Agni talks about.

My position has always been the keyholder decides when or if I get a release. So, I’ve never disagreed with the locked periods Lucie has mandated. But in a perfect world, if I had a say in the management of my releases, I would prefer a 21-31 day release system where my keyholder permitted me orgasm about once per month. Can’t lie. I still want to orgasm and ejaculate sometimes and I think about 12 times a year would be about right for me. But here’s the funny thing. I would also prefer my keyholder only allowed me ruined orgasms.

Ruined orgasms offer a taste of the sensations from climaxing and ejaculating, but they don’t completely wipe out the accumulated arousal the way full orgasms do. I love the feeling of constant desire and arousal and I don’t enjoy going all the way back to zero and suffering through the post refractory periods until I get back to the Goldilocks phase. I had planned to discuss all this with Lucie after Locktober until I learned she needs to take a break for a while. But if I decide to find a new keyholder, I will definitely bring it up during our negotiations. I still want the indefinite aspect where I never when I’ll get a release, but I would like to know I will one about every month.

That’s my thoughts on managing releases as far as it applies to me and my experience with Lucie. If you’re curious, Agni recommends locked periods of at least two weeks (as a reward for extra good behavior), but usually three weeks, and up to four (as a penalty for unacceptable behavior). It seems she and Lucie have very similar outlooks on chastity enforcement.

Don’t miss 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 27 when we will discuss service to the keyholder.

How do you like to be served? What ways of serving your keyholder really turns you on?

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 25: Actually, I’m in to…

By Chaste on Wednesday, October 25, 2023

Here we are on 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 25 with only one week to go as we hurtle towards the end of Locktober 2023. Today’s discussion centers on openness about chastity.

How open are you about your chastity and being locked up?

I have curated this blog dedicated to chastity for many years, have written books about the practice of chastity, and have been an enthusiastic practitioner of chastity for years. A part of my passion for chastity is sharing it with others and encouraging others to try it. But despite all that, I can’t claim I am truly open about chastity and about spending most of my days and nights for the past four years locked in a chastity device.

None of even my closest vanilla friends, work colleagues, or family members know I am nearly always wearing a chastity device locked on my genitals. I don’t hide it because I am ashamed of my desire to wear chastity devices and to have a dominant woman imposing orgasm control and denial on me. What explains my lack of transparency with those outside the chastity community is the vast majority of people I know best and have close relationships with would feel extreme discomfort if I told them I enjoy wearing chastity devices. They simply wouldn’t understand it, and even if they were kind enough not to express their overt disgust, I’m sure they could not hide their disapproval.

Frankly, I feel confident the vast majority of guys who enjoy wearing chastity devices and engaging in orgasm denial shield this part of their lives from their real life associates and family members, just as I do. It seems people are just too willing to judge others who engage in something they find weird or perverted and who among us needs that? For that reason, as I once mentioned before, it seems most of us chastity enthusiasts remain “in the closet” unless we’re among our people.

I often wish it didn’t have to be this way and hope someday that male chastity will be so mainstream that none of us have to hide our enjoyment of it. But today is not that day. And so, my openness about chastity and being locked is limited to online interactions for now.

In tomorrow’s post, 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 26, I’ll be talking about chastity release management as I respond to this prompt:

How does your keyholder manage your releases? Tell us about the schedule your keyholder uses. For example, are you locked for a set number of days or weeks? For a month or longer? Or does your keyholder manage your releases on an indefinite schedule?

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 24: Partners

By Chaste on Tuesday, October 24, 2023

While I think having a romantic partner as your keyholder is always the best situation, relying on professionals has advantages. For one, you can choose a professional with the qualities you most desire. In today’s 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 24, I’m sharing what I look for in a keyholder.

What qualities do you look for in a keyholding partner?

Having had what I think is a representative sample of professional keyholders, I know they aren’t all the same. I’ve talked to several others who I ultimately chose not to enter keyholding agreements with when it appeared obvious they didn’t possess enough of the qualities I was looking for. But here, I will not focus on the shortcomings I’ve observed, but will instead share what I look for in a keyholding partner.

Authenticity. I look for someone who has a sincere interest in the chastity dynamic, not someone who only offers keyholding as a side gig to earn some extra money. Those types rarely have a professional website and instead rely on X (formerly known as Twitter), Fetlife, or one of the many fan sites to attract clients. Someone sincerely interested in enforcing chastity will have a lot of knowledge about it. Those only interested in making money usually don’t. A Professional website and knowledge of what chastity is about are the first things I look for.

Legitimate Dominance. I also look for a keyholder who is legitimately dominant. A romantic partner who graciously agrees to become a keyholder may not be a legitimate dominant or perhaps just hasn’t discovered the dominant part of their nature at the beginning. That’s okay. But when you tribute someone to enforce your chastity, you have every right to expect that person is a true dominant, not someone simply playing a role. I think I’m pretty good at sensing true dominance, but the best ones seem to exude dominance from their pores. Lucie is a good example. Five minutes into our first video call, I had no doubts about whether Lucie was the real deal or not.

Confidence. I look for confidence in a keyholder partner. Intuitively, you might think authentic dominance and confidence go hand in hand. They don’t. Confidence is usually a product of knowledge and experience. Someone who seems to project the “ultra bitch” or “psycho cunt” image intentionally are red flags for me because I know that is usually how someone lacking confidence attempts to hide it. Think Kamala Harris. Sorry. Nothing personal and I have no idea if she considers herself dominant, but she is the epitome of exactly what I’m talking about here. Exercising control requires confidence. Faking it doesn’t cut it.

Caring. I want a keyholder who cares about me as a person and shows it. A domme can be strict and even impeccably cruel and still be caring at the same time. She can be stern, bossy, even tyrannical. I want all that as long as she is also caring and makes me feel she has my best interests at heart.

Fair. I have dealt with dominant women who thought exercising dominance meant tricking or baiting a submissive into technical violations of their rules so they had an excuse to administer punishment. That doesn’t work for me. I expect honesty and fairness. Respect goes both ways. A dominant should give clear instructions, all questions for clarification if necessary, and then enforce fair standards. I don’t expect to be coddled, but I do expect fairness and I wouldn’t hesitate to end a relationship with any dominant who seemed to believe playing stupid games was what dominance is about.

Intelligent & Creative. I think intelligence and creativity are important qualities to seek in a keyholder. This is always true, but especially true with distance keyholders. Having a keyholder who doesn’t have these qualities severely limits the length of a relationship because you will soon exhaust what can be done online. Things will then quickly grow stale and both parties will grow bored and one or both won’t want to continue.

A Sense of Humor. One of the things I’ve treasured most about Lucie is her sense of humor. Chastity should be fun. Lucie makes it fun. As an example she has often assigned me a task with the requirement to send her a video of my performance. More than once she has given me a task that she knew very well was impossible. And when I contacted her, frustrated after learning I couldn’t do what she asked because I realized it was impossible, she would laugh and admit she knew it was impossible. And no matter how frustrated I was, I’d always end up laughing right along with her. Chastity doesn’t have to be and shouldn’t be deadly serious all the time. It should be fun for both parties to a keyholding agreement.

Those are the qualities in no particular order that I look for in a keyholder partner. I’m enough of a realist to know you aren’t often going to find a keyholder who possesses every single one. But I won’t settle for a keyholder who doesn’t have at least most of them. With Lucie, I’ve been exceptionally lucky because she ticks every box. That’s why I hate the thought of our relationship ending. It’s unlikely I’ll find another keyholder keyholder who will offer anything close to the experience Lucie has given me for the past five months.

Tomorrow in the post 31 Days of Chastity Day 25, I’ll offer my thoughts on the subject of openness about the practice of chastity. Hope you will join me again as I respond to this prompt:

How open are you about your chastity and being locked up?

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 23: Perspectives

By Chaste on Monday, October 23, 2023

Life experiences, the people you surround yourself with, education and learning, and changing roles can all produce changing perspectives. Today, on 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 23, we are looking at how chastity can change your outlook on life.

Since you first developed an interest in Chastity, has your outlook on life changed? Are these changes good or bad?

Before developing an interest in chastity, I was a slave to my libido like many men, probably most men, if we’re being honest. My life essentially was having an orgasm and ejaculating, going two or three days, and having an orgasm and ejaculating again. Then the cycle continued.

By today’s standards, I suppose I was a late bloomer since I was 18 and in the military before I had sex for the first time, with a girl I met in a club one evening. After that first time, I made up for lost time. I definitely preferred having orgasms and ejaculating while having sex over masturbating. By the time I was 20, I had already had more sexual partners than Taylor Swift, and that’s a lot. I’m not bragging. I’m actually not proud of it and only remember the number of women because I thought that was awesome back then. What a stud, right? No, I was just a selfish jerk. I didn’t have real relationships with any of those women, I just used them for sexual gratification. Most of those sexual experiences were one night stands. That’s nothing to be proud of either, much less to brag about.

Just before turning 22, I got married and was in my first long-term relationship with a woman. The marriage eventually failed and I divorced. Then I went right back to having sex with women the way I had between the ages of 18 and 20. I had become more likely to get into relationships by then, but the relationships ended pretty quickly so I was still having sex with a lot of women. That’s because my life still revolved around that two or three day male libido schedule. And that never changed much until I developed an interest in chastity. Chastity completely changed my paradigm. It totally changed my perspective on women.

The biggest change of perspective for me is I no longer view women as just sex objects who can give me sexual pleasure. I have never once abused a woman ore treated one with disrespect. I have loved women my entire life, especially once I discovered for the first time that women have something between their thighs that can make me feel so good. But now I can admit I’ve mistreated many women by using them just to satisfy my selfish desires. Again, that’s nothing I am proud of.

For much of my adult life, I didn’t care about women’s needs, desires, or pleasure. I wanted them to orgasm when I had sex with them, but only because it made me feel even more like a stud when they did, especially when I was with women who wanted to keep going even after they had multiple orgasms. It was only another facet of my selfishness. I didn’t actually care about their pleasure. Even their orgasms were for my pleasure.

That’s all changed for me now, thanks to chastity. Don’t misunderstand. I still love women. I still desire having sex with them. And I still enjoy having orgasms and ejaculating. But I’m no longer a slave to my libido. And I sincerely care about a woman’s pleasure far more than mine.

Once we became close, Lucie began sharing with me about her sex life. And she has a lot of sex, especially on weekends. While she has a boyfriend in real life, she is in a non-monogamous relationship and keeps him locked in chastity so she doesn’t have sex with him. She has sex with other people, a lot of different people, and she enjoys telling me about it. It’s not that Lucie tells me because she thinks I’ll feel jealous because that isn’t the sort of relationship we’ve shared.

She enjoys telling me about her sexual exploits to make me horny when I can’t do a thing to get any relief. It’s just part of the teasing. But it took Lucie a while to realize something. Sharing her exploits doesn’t exactly get the response from me she was expecting. Yes, it makes me horny listening to her stories, but that’s not all. That’s because I get vicarious pleasure from knowing Lucie is getting sexual pleasure, even though I’m not. Her sexual pleasure is far more important to me than getting pleasure myself. I knew she had finally realized it the day she first acknowledged she was actually coming for both of us.

I feel joy knowing Lucie pursues her pleasures and desires, and I feel no resentment. I fully support her. Even if we were together in a romantic relationship, I wouldn’t feel any jealously over her getting her sexual needs met by others.

Sometimes I wonder if chastity isn’t just the way I pay penance for the way I used women in the past for selfish sexual gratification. If so, I have no problem with it. I’m just glad I developed an interest in chastity and that it taught me to champion women’s pleasure unselfishly instead of focusing on satisfying my own desires for sexual pleasure. Who knows? Maybe someday I’ll have a woman in my life again, one who I will give me the privilege of treating her the way she deserves.

For 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 24, I’m sticking to the partners theme reflected in the prompt. However, since the prompt is aimed at those who have a romantic partner as a keyholder, it doesn’t apply to me. Instead of the original prompt, I will respond to this one instead tomorrow.

What qualities do you look for in a keyholding partner?

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 22: Relationships

By Chaste on Sunday, October 22, 2023

Chastity relationships versus non-chastity relationships. Are the dynamics of all healthy relationships the same? I weigh in with my opinions in today’s 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 22 post.

What do you think is important in keeping a Chastity relationship healthy? Would this be any different in a non-Chastity relationship?

Experts tell us that healthy relationships involve honesty, trust, respect and open communication between partners and they take effort and compromise from both people. Those are all things that I agree are necessary in all relationships, whether we’re talking about chastity or non-chastity relationships. But the experts also say that there is no imbalance of power in a healthy (non-chastity) relationship. Partners respect each other’s independence, can make their own decisions without fear of retribution or retaliation, and share decisions. Here is where healthy chastity relationships diverge from more vanilla style relationships.

By definition, chastity relationships involve a power exchange. The chastised male literally surrenders his sex life to his partner (or other keyholder), giving them full control over when or if he gets sexual pleasure. Once another holds the key to his chastity device, he can no longer get normal erections, play with himself, or have orgasms without her knowledge and consent.

That’s a far cry from a balance of power where both partners remain independent and can make their own decisions. At least regarding sex. Not all chastity relationships are full female led relationships, so the locked male may still keep near complete autonomy is most if not all other areas. But along with the chastity device key, the partner often assumes some measure of control over other things, especially those directly related to the chastity dynamic.

For example, she may ask for sexual pleasure whenever she wants it, choose what her partner wears, especially beneath everyday clothing, and assign tasks to her partner like increased household duties responsibilities. So while things like honesty, trust, respect, and open communication between partners are just as necessary to a healthy chastity relationship, there are other things they do not share with vanilla relationships.

The power exchange dynamic promotes deeper, stronger, and better bonds between the partners and defines the respective roles clearly. Most importantly, it makes the chastity relationship fun, exciting, and sexy. The chastity device turns the male’s desire, passion, attention, and energy toward his partner, holding the key. She then gains the power to enforce her desires for the relationship. That doesn’t mean the relationship becomes one-sided.

Chastity benefits both him and her. It’s a major turn on for him because of his loss of control. That’s typically what prompts guys to request chastity to begin with. The increased control she gets can help her grow more confident and more explorative, allowing her to discover more about her own sexual desires. Often he discovers a core need to submit and his partner discovers a core need to dominate. As both feel the freedom to be who they are without hiding it, they find it brings them even closer together. They can experience intimacy on levels beyond anything many vanilla couples never do. Clearly defined roles help build deeper human connections.

Yes, we find commonalities between healthy chastity and vanilla relationships, but the power exchange dynamic in chastity makes them significantly different.

Tomorrow’s post, 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 23 features this prompt:

Since you first developed an interest in Chastity, has your outlook on life changed? Are these changes good or bad?

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 21: Keys on Ice

By Chaste on Saturday, October 21, 2023

The 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 21 concerns emergency keys. Where and how one might store their emergency key, method of access, and any situations where it has been used.

How do you deal with the need for key access in an emergency? Wax? Ice? Left-Luggage Locker? If you’ve ever had to use your emergency key, write about what happened.

Access to an emergency key is a plan everyone wearing a chastity device should have, whether you have a partner as a keyholder or, like me, have a distance keyholder. Emergencies happen. A partner could be at work or a great distance away when something goes haywire. A remote keyholder might be unreachable. You must have a way to unlock and remove the device if a situation demands it.

I’m familiar with all the methods the prompt mentions for storing an emergency where you could access it in a genuine emergency, but that is inconvenient enough that you won’t feel as tempted to use the key during a moment of weakness. Probably because I have always had remote keyholders, I’ve never used of those methods. That’s because I’ve always used plastic, numbered locks.

In a genuine emergency, I could always destroy the plastic lock and set myself free. It would then be necessary for me to explain why I felt it necessary to destroy the lock, since my keyholders have always recorded the numbers when locking me. That keeps me honest, and I’ve never felt tempted to destroy a lock just because I craved a little relief.

I used to use the plastic locks directly on my devices when I had the type that used the tiny padlocks. But once the “Magic Locks” became popular, that wasn’t an option. So, for a while, I used a “key safe,” a key shaped plastic container I could insert both keys into and then secure them inside with a plastic numbered lock. I then held the secured key safe in any photo frame when taking proof photos my keyholders required so they could see the keys were secure and the lock intact.

After buying my Kink3D Cobra, I purchased the company’s Airlock accessory. This plastic pin type device replaces the integral brass lock, sliding into the lock channel and locking the cage and base ring together. You then secure it in place with a plastic numbered lock, which prevents you from removing the pin without your keyholder’s knowledge and consent. I think it’s the ideal system when you have a remote keyholder because they can easily see whenever they ask for a proof photo or video that you haven’t tampered with the numbered lock. And even with a partner keyholder, it would work just as well. This system renders keys irrelevant and again, in an actual emergency, I could destroy the lock to remove the device.

Another great thing about the Airlock is no metal at all with your device, not even a lock. While I’ve yet to try it, I assume you could pass through metal detectors at airports, government buildings, or concert venue gates without having to remove your device. Others have attested that some metal detectors are sensitive enough to alert on the brass integral lock and that an impromptu “show and tell” ensued for them, along with a conversation with security personnel that most of us aren’t eager to have.

As I’ve shared, my newest acquisition is the Hera 3D-printed chastity device available exclusively from the House of Denial. One of the first things I investigated was whether my Kink3D Airlock would work with it. It doesn’t. The channel design differs just enough that the Airlock won’t go completely into the lock channel. I’ve already asked them if they could fabricate something similar to the Airlock, and a representative told me they are already working on it and hope to have a similar accessory available soon.

So far, I’ve never had an emergency requiring me to unlock. Twice I have had a testicle escape the base ring, but always contacted my keyholder and advised them of the situation before destroying a plastic lock to correct the problem and received permission before cutting the lock.

Wow! We have already arrived at the end of the third week of Locktober 2023, and our meme. Hopefully, you’re still in the game as we have only ten days to go after today. Here is the prompt for 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 22:

What do you think is important in keeping a Chastity relationship healthy? Would this be any different in a non-Chastity relationship?

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Day 20: Just Curious

By Chaste on Friday, October 20, 2023

Today on 31 Days of Chastity Day 20 we discuss tips and advice I would offer to someone who has just recently become interested in Chastity and a Chastity Lifestyle.

What tips and advice would you give to someone you had just recently become interested in Chastity and a Chastity Lifestyle?

If you follow this blog regularly, apologies in advance because you’ve probably already read this many times. But because I think it’s so important that it’s impossible to overemphasize it, my first tip is to measure and measure again before buying a chastity device.

Only by knowing your specific measurements can you get a reasonably well fitted device. This is especially true with base ring sizing. Incorrectly sized base rings are without a doubt the source of the vast majority of problems people have adjusting to wearing a chastity device without undue discomfort.

Many chastity device manufacturers and some retailers offer sizing advice for their products. My second piece of advice to those just beginning with chastity is don’t ignore this advice. Accept that manufacturers and many retailers know a lot more about a properly sized cage than you do. As an example, the Kink3D length and width advice is excellent. It recommends taking accurate flaccid measurements before choosing a Cobra model. But unless you have accurately measured yourself first, this good advice becomes useless.

Where the company could do much better is the Kink3D advice on base ring sizing, which they admit is one of the trickiest parts of chastity. The Kink3D device here is basically to choose your size based on previous experiences with chastity devices. Sorry, not helpful for the chastity novice. Here I’d recommend the base ring sizing guidance found at House of Denial, which is very good.

Getting a well-fitted chastity device is only half the battle when taking your first tentative steps into the chastity lifestyle. Next, the beginner interested in wearing one for more than a few hours or days must acclimate gradually to wearing a chastity device. Trying to do too much too soon almost always produces chafing, sore spots, and even broken skin, which makes the chastity experience unnecessarily uncomfortable and sometimes even painful. After one or two unsuccessful attempts, many guys end up tossing their device in a sock drawer and leaving it there. For them, the juice just isn’t worth the squeeze.

You can find many guides around the web that suggest schedules for learning to wear a chastity device comfortably for longer periods. Some are too gradual and in our instant gratification society, most guys won’t have the patience to spend six weeks getting accustomed to long-term wear.

I published a 7-Day challenge guide a while back, which takes a beginner to wearing a device 24/7 in only 7 days. But understand this guide is by intent a challenge. I think most guys with the proper motivation can complete the challenge easily. But it is by design an accelerated process and even successful challenge participants do often experience some chafing, soreness, and discomfort.

That’s the same thing that usually happens to guys who buy a chastity device, lock it on for the first time, and then try to do the 31-day Locktober challenge. The attempts usually end in failure. A few days ago, a professional keyholder posted a poll asking how many guys who had started Locktober were still locked. The percentage after16 days was already down to just under 65%. Yes, I know it wasn’t a scientific poll, but I still bet the figure was fairly accurate.

While someone in the same circumstances might easily complete a 7-day challenge, hanging on for a full month is quite a different matter. The bottom line? Gradual is always better. Start with a few hours, progress to a few consecutive days, and then shoot for longer locked periods. Once you can wear a chastity device with reasonable comfort for a full week, you can usually progress quickly from there to longer periods.

Another piece of advice for beginners I’ll offer is to keep a good quality lubricant on hand while adjusting to wearing your device. While I don’t need lubricant any more to prevent chafing and sore spots, I definitely needed it when I was first getting started. You can use a water-based lubricant, a silicone-based lubricant (longer lasting), or even baby oil, my personal favorite.

Finally, maintaining good hygiene is a must. You can usually keep open-type cock cages clean easily with a hand-held shower head attachment. I’ve worn such a device for the entire month during Locktober with no issues in the past and am doing it again this year. Closed, tube-like devices (e.g. Holy Trainer, CB-6000) present a bigger challenge. Those you should always remove regularly, once a week as a minimum, for cleaning.

You can learn a lot about chastity device wear and the lifestyle through trial and error. But these are a few tips and words of advice that I think every guy getting started with chastity will find makes things much easier.

Tomorrow, the post, 31 Days of Chastity Day 21, centers on this prompt:

How do you deal with the need for key access in an emergency? Wax? Ice? Left-Luggage Locker? If you’ve ever had to use your emergency key, write about what happened.

31 Days of Chastity Meme

Previous Posts

Day 1: What Does Chastity Mean to You?

Day 2: Your Chasity Device

Day 3: Chastity Beginnings

Day 4: Partners

Day 5: Your First Time

Day 6: Chastity Fantasies

Day 11: Chastity as a Lifestyle Choice

Day 16: Chastity Difficulties

Day 17: It’s Not Like That

Day 18: Going Back

Day 19: Life Changing

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 19: Life Changing

By Chaste on Thursday, October 19, 2023

Many men claim that chastity has proven life changing for them in a variety of positive ways. That’s the subject of 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 19.

Are there any unexpected ways Chastity has improved your life? If so, what are they?

I’ve written at length previously about how I believe practicing chastity and the associated semen retention has allowed me to learn to put my sexual energy into other things besides getting off and changed my life for the better. I believe this has been extremely beneficial in enhancing my quality of life by helping me become more creative and productive. But as life changing as that has been, I think the way chastity has altered my perspective of women has been the most unexpected and transformational.

My parents raised me to treat women with respect. That probably explains why my closest friends have always been women, because I believe women sense that. The naturally intuitive creatures they are, I think women easily differentiate between guys who see them as people first rather than just sexualized objects useful for satisfying male desire. But chastity has given me an even deeper appreciation for women, especially dominant women.

The more you learn about women, the more you understand that from a scientific standpoint, women are superior to men in many ways. Women have a higher pain tolerance. They live longer because they have stronger immune systems that work more efficiently because they have two complete X chromosomes. Women are better at multitasking and IQ testing suggests women are smarter than men. Women are more in touch with their bodies and emotions than men. They are less aggressive and less violent than men. More and more women are figuring out the power they possess and exercising it by taking control of their relationships.

None of that means either gender is superior to the other. No matter how you look it at, men and women need each other. The species cannot survive without both. Both genders offer necessary things essential to human survival. Women and men are of equal value and I don’t think that’s debatable. However, the strengths that women bring to the table, I believe, make them the logical choice as the leaders in relationships. And this realization, produced by my experience of the chastity lifestyle, is why I appreciate women now more than ever.

In times past, society viewed the idea of a male submitting to a female as being “pussy whipped.” Yet survey after survey has shown that there are vast numbers of men who not only often fantasize about female domination but actually desire it. The numbers are incredibly high, higher than you might even imagine. An entire femdom porn industry has sprung from it. Society conditioned women to be submissive to men for centuries. But that is now changing with women having taken massive steps towards becoming the equals to men in the eyes of society. Just as women becoming more independent and empowered have become normalized, I think it is only a matter of time before the female led relationship also becomes the norm.

The world has long catered to male sexual desire, which explains why society has objectified women in everything from advertising to porn. We see everywhere. But more women are learning just how easily they can manipulate men by using their male sexual desire against them. And that’s where chastity comes in. Once you experience a woman locking your penis in a chastity device and assuming complete control over your access to sexual pleasure, that all changes. You soon understand that female desire is just as important as male desire and men must learn to cater to it.

Tomorrow, the discussion on 31 Days of Chastity Day 20 will focus on this prompt:

What tips and advice would you give to someone you had just recently become interested in Chastity and a Chastity Lifestyle?

31 Days of Chastity Meme

Previous Posts

Day 1: What Does Chastity Mean to You?

Day 2: Your Chasity Device

Day 3: Chastity Beginnings

Day 4: Partners

Day 5: Your First Time

Day 6: Chastity Fantasies

Day 11: Chastity as a Lifestyle Choice

Day 16: Chastity Difficulties

Day 17: It’s Not Like That

Day 18: Going Back

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Day 18: Going Back

By Chaste on Wednesday, October 18, 2023

The meme prompt for today is one of those I had planned to tweak a little to make it more relevant to my chastity experiences. But something happened yesterday that, at least for me, makes the original prompt more relevant. So, I’m responding to it here on this 31 Days of Chastity Day 18.

Could you (or your partner) ever go back to a relationship without some form of chastity?

At first glance, I felt today’s prompt had no real relevance to me since I’ve never had a relationship with a romantic partner acting as my key holder and accompanying me on my chastity journey. I’m sure I needn’t remind regular followers of this blog that my relationship with Lucie is not a romantic one. She is a professional chastity key holder and enforces my chastity in return for financial tributes. As I’ve explained many times, this is the type of chastity relationship that works best for me, at least under my current circumstances.

Still, I follow so many blogs curated by guys whose wives are their key holders, some of whom who are part of an actual female led relationship (FLR), it isn’t difficult for me to imagine what it might feel like if I was part of such a relationship.

All the guys who write these blogs were in their present relationships long before chastity became a part of the relationship dynamic they now share with their partners. Their relationships didn’t begin as an FLR or with them wearing a chastity device. So, I can say without equivocation, if I were a part of an FLR or even a relationship that wasn’t quite on that level, where chastity played the important role that I would want it to, I would not want to regress. I wouldn’t want to go back to the way things were before we introduced chastity into the mix.

Of course, as the saying goes, “It takes two to tango.” It’s rarely, if ever, only up to the guy wanting chastity whether it continues permanently. His partner also gets a vote. I’ve also read blogs by men where a wife or other partner has eventually tired of chastity for one reason or another and doesn’t want to continue it. So, I know some guys have already faced this situation where, whether they wanted it or not, chastity stops being part of their relationship.

In most of these cases, it has seemed to me their partners soured on chastity because these guys had unreasonable expectations for their partners to become something they weren’t and to behave in ways that more closely aligned with the chastity fantasies of these guys than with reality. In such instances, I have usually come down on the side of the partners involved, understanding why they didn’t want to do chastity anymore. Still, given the passion I feel for chastity, I can’t imagine ever being happy having to go back to the pre-chastity days of a relationship after finding chastity so satisfying.

Assuming I loved my partner, I also can’t really imagine ending an otherwise good relationship with a woman just because she didn’t want to continue keeping me in chastity. I only know I would hope I never faced that. And I would feel motivated to make chastity such a great experience for her she would never want to give it up either. Yet I learned yesterday that I am facing a situation now that sort of made this prompt much more relevant for me. Soon Lucie and I will part ways, at least as far as her being my mistress and key holder.

Since she hadn’t brought up NO-vember, the next monthly chastity observance that begins the day after Locktober ends, I had to ask her about it because my curiosity got the best of me. In response, she said she had to tell me something she knew I wouldn’t want to hear. Continuing, she told me that at the end of Locktober she needed to take a pause from keyholding to recharge her batteries and focus on other things.

No, as Lucie surmised, I wasn’t happy hearing it. We’ve been together for well over five months now and I have never had such an amazing relationship with a key holder. But Lucie’s news didn’t come as a shock. A while back, when we were discussing the possibility of making things more permanent, Lucie admitted there was something that gave her pause about the idea. She said she had in the past tired of keyholding and had stopped for a while, and she felt sure she would someday get bored with it and would stop again. I appreciated her candor back then, knowing that she cared enough about me she didn’t want to make me suffer disappointment unnecessarily. So, I have been mentally preparing for this, knowing the day would probably eventually come when Lucie would step away from keyholding. And now it has.

I can’t deny I feel sad about losing the best key holder I’ve ever had. But of course, I wouldn’t want Lucie to continue just for my sake knowing she feels she needs a break. I’ve felt burned out before and understand completely. I will just appreciate the memories Lucie has given me and wish her the best. She has now kept me locked and denied longer than any other key holder I’ve had, and that’s special to me. Things have been so good with Lucie that I’ve realized I am now ready to embrace permanent chastity with the right person. But unfortunately, that person will not be Lucie.

I am, in a sense, facing going back. Going back to the time before Lucie. Maybe this is even harder because there is no previous relationship with Lucie to go back to. Ours began and will end with chastity. Afterward, there will be no relationship. Honestly, I’m uncertain where I’ll go from here. Probably back to self-locking for a while and contemplating whether to seek another key holder. There are other women, pro key holders, that I’ve noticed recently and two of them I could easily imagine being my key holder. But Lucie will leave behind some big shoes to fill.

Can you believe we’re eighteen days into Locktober? How are you holding up? Remember, it’s all supposed to be about good fun and the challenge. Whether you’re thriving, just barely holding on, stay naughty but nice. We’re on the final stretch. Hope you will tune in tomorrow for 31 Days of Chastity Day 19 when we’ll take a look at this prompt:

Are there any unexpected ways Chastity has improved your life? If so, what are they?

31 Days of Chastity Meme

Previous Posts

Day 1: What Does Chastity Mean to You?

Day 2: Your Chasity Device

Day 3: Chastity Beginnings

Day 4: Partners

Day 5: Your First Time

Day 6: Chastity Fantasies

Day 11: Chastity as a Lifestyle Choice

Day 16: Chastity Difficulties

Day 17: It’s Not Like That

31 Days of Chastity Meme

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 17: It’s Not Like That

By Chaste on Tuesday, October 17, 2023

I think it’s true that many misunderstandings about male chastity exist in the world today. That’s understandable since so many people’s first introduction to chastity comes from porn. Porn represents fantasy, not reality. Once you actually practice chastity, you realize that pretty quickly. In today’s installment, 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 17, our prompt encourages us to examine these misconceptions.

What misconception about chastity would you most like to clear up? How do you think the general population understands chastity?

Thinking about all the misconceptions about chastity I’m aware of, the hard part was narrowing this post down to just one of them I would most like to clear up. I settled on the misunderstanding that male chastity is about emasculation.

It’s true that we have a major masculinity problem in the world today, especially in Western countries like the United States. That’s because of a narrative that some have pushed for the past several years that equates masculinity with violence and toxicity. I’m sure those who created the narrative probably had good intentions. But by branding masculinity as a negative and demanding that men become less masculine and adopt more feminine behaviors has created more problems than it has solved.

We now have an entire generation of men who don’t understand what it means to be men. Men have forgotten the practice of chivalry. They have forgotten that enjoying sexual pleasure with another human being is special, intimate, and sacred. Instead, sex has become simply the means for satisfying our basest hedonistic urges.

Also, we live in a time of instant gratification, where many men believe pornography can fulfill all their sexual needs without the drama of having a relationship with another human being with their own set of needs and desires. Fictional characters on a device screen are replacing genuine connections and authentic relationships.

There are many men today who lack the basic skills to talk to women and the courage to seek a woman to date. The incel (involuntarily celibate) community is but one example. Members of this online community of mostly young men who consider themselves unable to attract women sexually, turned to the internet seeking support from others with similar views. Typically, incels feel marginalized by women and feel resentment and hostility towards women and sexually active men.

This is a problem, because the war on masculinity has created a generation of men lacking inner strength, confidence, and self-esteem. Women rarely feel sexual attraction for such men, so communities like the incels become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Recently, I’ve read dozens of articles and forum posts written by liberal women identifying as feminists complaining about how difficult it is to find authentic masculine men to date and have relationships with.

Many people assume (incorrectly) that men who want to wear chastity devices locked on their genitals and to submit complete control over their access to sexual pleasure to a partner desire emasculation. They are beta males who not only want to assume a passive, subservient role in their relationships. They also want their partner to feminize them. This actually has nothing to do with chastity or, for that matter, with being a submissive man.

You can desire chastity enforced by a partner and still be confident and full of inner strength, self-esteem, and confidence. Lots of men who want to wear a chastity device run their own profitable businesses or hold leadership positions at work. Even being a naturally submissive man in chastity doesn’t mean you must surrender your masculinity.

I would like to clear up the misconception that desiring chastity equates to a lack of masculinity in every case. This misconception isn’t only present among the general population outside the chastity lifestyle. I have met and talked with many dominant women within the kink world who assume every guy interested in chastity also wants forced feminization, small penis humiliation, and cuckolding. That’s simply not the case.

Yes, some men who embrace chastity want their partner to feminize them. Some want to be full on sissies who fully adopt feminine looks, clothing, and behaviors. There are men who wear chastity devices who want their partners to cuckold or degrade them. But these men represent only subsets of the larger population of men who desire chastity. Of course, there is nothing wrong with exploring any of those kinks or fetishes. I only want people inside and outside the chastity lifestyle to understand and acknowledge chastity means something much different for many of us, probably most of us, who embrace it. Don’t assume to know what I’m about or want until you make the effort to get to know me as a person.

We are living in a time where the world needs strong men, especially emotionally healthy men. Men can learn to do masculinity properly, men who respect women, and respect themselves. Men who aren’t slaves to their libidos and who have learned to tame their sex drive and use it for more productive pursuits. That’s what chastity does. And that’s what I wish more people understood.

Tomorrow’s post, 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 18, examines “going back” and I’ll discuss this question:

Could you (or your partner) ever go back to a relationship without some form of Chastity?