31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 24: Partners

Having had what I think is a representative sample of professional keyholders, I know they aren’t all the same. I’ve talked to several others who I ultimately chose not to enter keyholding agreements with when it appeared obvious they didn’t possess enough of the qualities I was looking for. But here, I will not focus on the shortcomings I’ve observed, but will instead share what I look for in a keyholding partner.

Authenticity. I look for someone who has a sincere interest in the chastity dynamic, not someone who only offers keyholding as a side gig to earn some extra money. Those types rarely have a professional website and instead rely on X (formerly known as Twitter), Fetlife, or one of the many fan sites to attract clients. Someone sincerely interested in enforcing chastity will have a lot of knowledge about it. Those only interested in making money usually don’t. A Professional website and knowledge of what chastity is about are the first things I look for.

Legitimate Dominance. I also look for a keyholder who is legitimately dominant. A romantic partner who graciously agrees to become a keyholder may not be a legitimate dominant or perhaps just hasn’t discovered the dominant part of their nature at the beginning. That’s okay. But when you tribute someone to enforce your chastity, you have every right to expect that person is a true dominant, not someone simply playing a role. I think I’m pretty good at sensing true dominance, but the best ones seem to exude dominance from their pores. Lucie is a good example. Five minutes into our first video call, I had no doubts about whether Lucie was the real deal or not.

Confidence. I look for confidence in a keyholder partner. Intuitively, you might think authentic dominance and confidence go hand in hand. They don’t. Confidence is usually a product of knowledge and experience. Someone who seems to project the “ultra bitch” or “psycho cunt” image intentionally are red flags for me because I know that is usually how someone lacking confidence attempts to hide it. Think Kamala Harris. Sorry. Nothing personal and I have no idea if she considers herself dominant, but she is the epitome of exactly what I’m talking about here. Exercising control requires confidence. Faking it doesn’t cut it.

Caring. I want a keyholder who cares about me as a person and shows it. A domme can be strict and even impeccably cruel and still be caring at the same time. She can be stern, bossy, even tyrannical. I want all that as long as she is also caring and makes me feel she has my best interests at heart.

Fair. I have dealt with dominant women who thought exercising dominance meant tricking or baiting a submissive into technical violations of their rules so they had an excuse to administer punishment. That doesn’t work for me. I expect honesty and fairness. Respect goes both ways. A dominant should give clear instructions, all questions for clarification if necessary, and then enforce fair standards. I don’t expect to be coddled, but I do expect fairness and I wouldn’t hesitate to end a relationship  with any dominant who seemed to believe playing stupid games was what dominance is about.

Intelligent & Creative. I think intelligence and creativity are important qualities to seek in a keyholder. This is always true, but especially true with distance keyholders. Having a keyholder who doesn’t have these qualities severely limits the length of a relationship because you will soon exhaust what can be done online. Things will then quickly grow stale and both parties will grow bored and one or both won’t want to continue.

A Sense of Humor. One of the things I’ve treasured most about Lucie is her sense of humor. Chastity should be fun. Lucie makes it fun. As an example she has often assigned me a task with the requirement to send her a video of my performance. More than once she has given me a task that she knew very well was impossible. And when I contacted her, frustrated after learning I couldn’t do what she asked because I realized it was impossible, she would laugh and admit she knew it was impossible. And no matter how frustrated I was, I’d always end up laughing right along with her. Chastity doesn’t have to be and shouldn’t be deadly serious all the time. It should be fun for both parties to a keyholding agreement.