As I thought about what to write about on this last day of the meme, something occurred to me. The past thirty days of posts have all been from the perspective of those of us who wear chastity devices. It seemed only fair to wrap up with this 31 Days of Chastity Day 31 post by discussing chastity from the keyholder’s perspective. I hope those with a male partner who may have only recently revealed his desire for chastity will find this post helpful.
What tips and advice would you give to someone who had just recently learned a partner is interested in Chastity and is considering becoming their partner’s keyholder?
In this post, the focus is on wives or partners who want to know what they are letting themselves into before agreeing to become the chastity keyholder for their male partner. Despite what my circumstances have been and are, I won’t be discussing pro keyholders in this post.
Why Do Men Want to Wear a Chastity Device
If the guy you’re in a relationship with has recently shocked you by revealing that he wants to wear a chastity device and wants you to hold the key and enforce his chastity, you probably have a lot of questions. Why does he want this? Should you seriously consider agreeing to do what he has asked? Is this just another silly sexual kink like all the others that men are prone to ask their partner to take part in? Let’s answer these questions and then I’ll offer some tips you may find useful if you decide to grant your partner’s request.
Are you wondering why a man would ever desire having his most prized anatomical possession locked up and rendered inaccessible? It’s a fair question if you have any idea about the time and attention the average male devotes to his penis. Let’s begin here. Yes, male chastity is a thing and a surprising number of men are interested in exploring it. And the reasons so many men are interested in exploring chastity are as varied as the men themselves. But here are a few of the most common reasons.
The reason can be as simple as curiosity, and curiosity is a powerful thing. Usually, men learn about chastity and chastity devices from watching porn, reading chastity fiction, or from stumbling on a website devoted to chastity which are ubiquitous these days. Regardless of the specific source, a seed gets planted and develops in the mind. Eventually, it becomes an itch a man must scratch. Exposure to the concept of chastity and the various dynamics associated with it, for many, will start them on a journey, eventually ending with them buying and trying on a chastity cage. If he is like most men, your partner probably bought a chastity cage and experimented with it secretly long before he came to you to discuss chastity. He might not be able to articulate exactly why he wants to wear a chastity device and wants you to take part. He only knows he feels drawn to it.
Research shows that increasingly, it is oversexed males who desire to wear chastity devices. I’m not talking about men with sexual addictions, but about those who seem to want sex more often than their partners. And when they don’t get sex as often as they feel they need it, they turn to porn and masturbation to satisfy their needs. Sooner or later, many of these men come to feel they are watching too much porn and masturbating too often. A chastity device can seem like a good way to gain control over these habits.
A third reason a man might desire chastity is because he recognizes there is a submissive side of his nature that craves control. Wearing a chastity device to which his wife or partner controls the key as well as his access to sexual pleasure is one way to get the control he craves.
This isn’t an exhaustive list of every reason a man might want to wear a chastity device, but these are three very common reasons. While for some, a chastity device can be a fetish object or chastity play can be a mere kink, I think it is best not to assume that. For most guys who want chastity, it runs deeper than that.
Making a Decision
If your partner has asked you to lock up his penis, ask yourself a few questions before deciding if you should agree. Are you unhappy with how much attention he pays you now? Do you think that at least part of the problem is that he is watching too much porn? Has he admitted to you, or do you suspect he masturbates too much? Are you tired of the constant bartering for sex where he says he will do something for you (usually something he should already be doing anyway) in return for you giving him the sex he wants? Would you be willing to give up intercourse with him, at least in the short term, if you got a lot more attention from him, including him giving a lot more attention to your sexual needs and desires? Are you willing to take control of his access to sex and put forth the necessary effort toward making your relationship work in a new and exciting way? If you answered yes to these questions, you may want to consider becoming his keyholder.
Many women who know little about chastity or about what being a keyholder entails may question whether they can even do it. Others may think their partner is trying to force them to become a built in home dominatrix, something they have no interest in. I think any woman can become an effective chastity keyholder and no one should worry about having to become someone she isn’t or doesn’t want to be. Chastity keyholding isn’t rocket science. To make chastity work, all you need is a plan and a commitment to putting it in action. And here is a suggested plan.
Establish Some Ground Rules
Make it clear to your partner that chastity must be real, not some kinky game if you are to take part. Tell him it has to be a part of your relationship 24/7. Yes, it will take a few weeks to build up to 24/7 as a man’s body must adjust gradually to wearing a wearing a cage full time. But 24/7 must be the foundation if chastity is to be a positive change for the relationship. Once you begin, he cannot have any opportunity to control his sexual releases. That is an area where you must have absolute control. Warn him upfront that if he shows he isn’t serious, you will unlock him and will never considering taking part in chastity again.
There are many ways to acclimate a man to wearing a chastity device 24/7. Here is one way that is as good as any. Let him wear the device for only an hour or two the first time to make sure it fits reasonably well and doesn’t pinch his sensitive parts or cause any genuine pain. If everything seems okay, beginning on the second day, have him wear the device for four hours, every day, for a full week. Don’t allow him to skip a day. But don’t allow him to sleep wearing it yet.
Once he has worn the device for four hours a day for a full week, increase the time to eight hours a day for another full week. If that goes well, beginning the first day of the third week, have him wear the device 24/7, including sleeping while wearing it. It may take two or three nights for him to adjust to sleeping while caged, but he will get used to it.
Once he can wear the cage 24/7 for a week at a time, isn’t having chafing problems, and can sleep wearing it well enough, then you can put him on whatever schedule you wish. He should be able to wear the device indefinitely. Allow him to remove the device once each week for cleaning, after warning him not to masturbate. You may even want to supervise the shower or bath to make sure he doesn’t because he will feel tempted. As soon as he has washed his body and the device thoroughly and everything is dry, have him put it right back on. Don’t let him talk you out of it. Once he grows accustomed to 24/7, the device should never come off except for weekly cleanings, doctor’s appointments where he must undress, or when traveling by plane.
Teasing is Not Optional
Just like a relationship, chastity must have mutual rewards. Yes, at least at first, he will enjoy wearing the device and find it exciting having you controling him. That’s a reward, but he will need more of a reward than that. You must spend some time and effort teasing him. How much time is up to you. It doesn’t have to be a lot. A rule of thumb I once heard that sounds reasonable is five minutes of teasing each day always beats 30 minutes of teasing once a week.
Teasing is no mystery either and requires no special skills. You already know the things that your partner likes, what turns him on. The things that arouse him and put a smile on his face. The challenge is, with his penis locked inside a cage, it won’t be available. Well, unless you want to remove it temporarily or use a vibrator against the cage to provide a little stimulation and that’s very effective.
Often, you may find the things he likes don’t interest you that much, but he is making a sacrifice by relinquishing control over his prized possession, and you, too, must make some minor sacrifices. In time, it may surprise you that things you like him to do for you (e.g., massages, back rubs, feet rubs, etc.) will also serve as effective teasing for your partner.
Don’t worry too much about the teasing. It will soon become second nature for you and needn’t take up a lot of your time. Just know it’s important. Without teasing, your partner’s arousal will quickly plateau and he will become moody or even depressed and he may start pestering you to unlock him frequently. You don’t want that. Avoid the plateau. If you feel you need some teasing tips, I recommend reading this blog, https://myboyinchastityblog.wordpress.com/ Given the way WordPress blogs work, you will arrive at the latest post. I recommend you don’t start there but keep paging down until you arrive at the very beginning. Then you can follow one wife’s experience in learning how to become her husband’s keyholder and leaning the ropes. She knew absolutely nothing about male chastity when her husband first asked her to lock him up.
How Long Should You Keep Him Locked?
This is probably one of the first questions new Keyholders ask. So, let’s talk about how long you should keep him locked once he can wear the device comfortably 24/7 for a week or more at a time. I would say keep him locked at least three weeks, but four is better to start. Then escalate the time, a week or two at a time until you reach three months of continuous wear without release. Whatever time you set, NEVER give him the date you intend to unlock him, and NEVER let him persuade you to unlock him earlier than you intended.
This may sound cruel, but it isn’t. Both of you will get the most positive benefits from chastity when you keep him on a strict schedule of your choosing. It will soon become his new normal, and trust me, he will learn to love it. He may tell you how badly he needs release and beg you to unlock him. Not only should you say no whenever he does this, forbid him from begging or asking when you will unlock him. You can enforce this by threatening to add another week on top of the date you had intended. The threat of extra time locked should stop his inappropriate behavior. If he becomes irritable and continues asking you to unlock him, assume he isn’t serious about chastity. Unlock him, and tell him not to bring it up again. Never forget, you are doing him a real kindness by agreeing to take part in chastity. Chastity should never make your life harder. Don’t put up with bad behavior.
What’s In It for You?
Earlier I said just like a relationship, chastity should have mutual benefits. We talked about benefits for him. Now let’s talk about the benefits you should expect from locking your man in chastity.
From personal experience, I can attest chastity puts a stop to the masturbation and changes a man in many ways. It changes his mood, behavior, and libido. Most importantly, it changes his desire to please his partner. You will probably find that he will voluntarily take on extra responsibilities at home, like doing the cooking, cleaning, or doing the laundry. Every guy is different, so no guarantees. But you may find it happening, even if not routinely.
This often happens because a man’s sexual energy continues building when he no longer can release sexual tension through masturbation whenever he pleases. So, often, a man will divert that excess sexual energy towards pleasing you by doing things he believes make life easier for you.
Also, as the sole the source of your partner’s access to sexual pleasure, his feelings toward you will probably change in positive ways. He will adore you, love you in ways focused on your desires, and will feel eager to please you. Over time, he will feel happier because you are happier.
Keeping your man in chastity can improve your relationship as long as you have a solid relationship to start with. Over time, even in good relationships, couples may feel a decline in excitement and romantic feelings. Feelings of restlessness or dissatisfaction with one’s partner or the relationship in general can result. It can feel more like a friendship than a romance. Chastity can help in these circumstances and can help breathe new excitement and romance into the relationship. But it is important to note that chastity is not magic. Putting your man in chastity will never fix a bad relationship. You need a solid foundation to start with.
Hopefully, if you’re a new keyholder and are considering your partner’s request to lock him in chastity, you will find these tips and suggestions useful.
We made it. We’ve arrived at the end of Locktober 2023 and the meme. I hope everyone had a successful and fun Locktober. I also hope visitors to this blog enjoyed the 31 Days of Chastity Meme series. According to the stats, some posts seemed to interest visitors more than others, but site visits over the month were up and remarkably steady. I know writing the daily posts was an enjoyable diversion for me and helped me get through another Locktober. Sure, at times, it felt a little like a slog knowing I had to write and publish a post every single day, especially those days I didn’t feel excited about it. But I felt determined to complete the entire meme on this, my second attempt at doing so. Thanks to everyone for reading and supporting the blog. I really appreciate it.
31 Days of Chastity Meme
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