female led relationships Archives

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 19: Life Changing

By Chaste on Thursday, October 19, 2023

Many men claim that chastity has proven life changing for them in a variety of positive ways. That’s the subject of 31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 19.

Are there any unexpected ways Chastity has improved your life? If so, what are they?

I’ve written at length previously about how I believe practicing chastity and the associated semen retention has allowed me to learn to put my sexual energy into other things besides getting off and changed my life for the better. I believe this has been extremely beneficial in enhancing my quality of life by helping me become more creative and productive. But as life changing as that has been, I think the way chastity has altered my perspective of women has been the most unexpected and transformational.

My parents raised me to treat women with respect. That probably explains why my closest friends have always been women, because I believe women sense that. The naturally intuitive creatures they are, I think women easily differentiate between guys who see them as people first rather than just sexualized objects useful for satisfying male desire. But chastity has given me an even deeper appreciation for women, especially dominant women.

The more you learn about women, the more you understand that from a scientific standpoint, women are superior to men in many ways. Women have a higher pain tolerance. They live longer because they have stronger immune systems that work more efficiently because they have two complete X chromosomes. Women are better at multitasking and IQ testing suggests women are smarter than men. Women are more in touch with their bodies and emotions than men. They are less aggressive and less violent than men. More and more women are figuring out the power they possess and exercising it by taking control of their relationships.

None of that means either gender is superior to the other. No matter how you look it at, men and women need each other. The species cannot survive without both. Both genders offer necessary things essential to human survival. Women and men are of equal value and I don’t think that’s debatable. However, the strengths that women bring to the table, I believe, make them the logical choice as the leaders in relationships. And this realization, produced by my experience of the chastity lifestyle, is why I appreciate women now more than ever.

In times past, society viewed the idea of a male submitting to a female as being “pussy whipped.” Yet survey after survey has shown that there are vast numbers of men who not only often fantasize about female domination but actually desire it. The numbers are incredibly high, higher than you might even imagine. An entire femdom porn industry has sprung from it. Society conditioned women to be submissive to men for centuries. But that is now changing with women having taken massive steps towards becoming the equals to men in the eyes of society. Just as women becoming more independent and empowered have become normalized, I think it is only a matter of time before the female led relationship also becomes the norm.

The world has long catered to male sexual desire, which explains why society has objectified women in everything from advertising to porn. We see everywhere. But more women are learning just how easily they can manipulate men by using their male sexual desire against them. And that’s where chastity comes in. Once you experience a woman locking your penis in a chastity device and assuming complete control over your access to sexual pleasure, that all changes. You soon understand that female desire is just as important as male desire and men must learn to cater to it.

Tomorrow, the discussion on 31 Days of Chastity Day 20 will focus on this prompt:

What tips and advice would you give to someone you had just recently become interested in Chastity and a Chastity Lifestyle?

31 Days of Chastity Meme

Previous Posts

Day 1: What Does Chastity Mean to You?

Day 2: Your Chasity Device

Day 3: Chastity Beginnings

Day 4: Partners

Day 5: Your First Time

Day 6: Chastity Fantasies

Day 11: Chastity as a Lifestyle Choice

Day 16: Chastity Difficulties

Day 17: It’s Not Like That

Day 18: Going Back

honor chastity

Honor Chastity

By Chaste on Friday, June 16, 2023

It bears mentioning that enforced chastity does not require wearing a chastity device. I should know since Lucie sometimes decrees it.

Can you be chaste without a chastity device? Yes. Yes, you can. It’s called honor chastity, or “on your honor” chastity. Honor chastity is the lowest level but the most accessible form of chastity.

Alternatively, doing chastity by wearing a cock cage, we term physical device chastity. It’s even possible to get the same euphoric dopamine-fueled experience with honor chastity, since orgasm denial is orgasm denial whether or not a chastity device is in play. Kinky people were doing orgasm denial play long before reasonably priced chastity devices became widely available and popular.

Why Honor Chastity?

As I shared previously, Lucie sometimes imposes honor chastity on me. I finished another three days unlocked yesterday before she locked me again. As I’ve explained, Lucie feels it is healthier to spend time unlocked, but that’s not the only reason she doesn’t keep me locked all the time. The terms do not change when I’m unlocked. I’m still kept in denial and prohibited from touching “her” cock and balls more than is necessary for me to soap up while showering or bathing. She also prohibits me from touching myself anywhere else for pleasure unless she tells me to do so.

Lucie also believes practicing chastity without the assist of a chastity device to physically prevent the wearer from getting full erections, masturbating, and having orgasms is a truer show of devotion and submission. She considers honor chastity a greater achievement, since the chastity submissive must depend solely on willpower and devotion to the key holder to avoid cheating. Lucie has told me that since she is serious about strict chastity that she dislikes keyholding for those who wear a chastity device only for fun or as the means to enact their own selfish fantasies. She expects her chastity subs to focus on her, not on themselves.

Lucie isn’t the only one. I know other dominant women in female-led relationships who impose orgasm control and denial on their submissive partners, who do not allow their subs to wear cock cages ever. They reject the use of chastity devices for similar reasons. They expect their subs not to masturbate or orgasm without permission out of simple obedience.

I agree with Lucie. It feels like more of an achievement when I obey her rules and submit to her control without the aid of a chastity device. And I have grown to appreciate the periods of honor chastity even though I prefer to wear a device all the time since I view wearing a device as a tangible sign of my submission, obedience, and devotion to Lucie. But she makes the rules.

You might enjoy this interesting article from a blog I follow that describes honor chastity within the female-led relationship dynamic.

Here it’s more about orgasm control and denial used to make sure the dominant woman is always sexually satisfied. Still, it is a form of honor chastity since the submissive can’t masturbate, have sex, or orgasm without his female dominant’s permission. And her submissive partner gets no choice. Wearing a chastity device isn’t an option for him. He must reply on willpower and his devotion to his partner.

But Isn't Honor Chastity Hard?

When faced with battling the fires in our loins, it can feel like our brain has only a limited ability to keep saying “no.” We feel like we exhaust that ability very quickly. Saying no to your sex drive can be like saying no to that extra slice of pie at dinner or to continuing to binge watch that show you love watching on Netflix when you know you really should turn it off and mow the lawn or clean the garage. Honor chastity can feel like going on a restrictive diet or keeping a New Year’s resolution to go to the gym. Does anyone enjoy that?

Evolution hasn’t wired us to say no to our male sexual urges. Instead, it has programmed us to get gratification by ejaculating whenever we feel horny, so we can stop thinking about it for a while.

For some, even when they are successful with honor chastity, all that annoying self-discipline and holding back they must do and can never take a break from, can sour the experience. Trying to stay strong and not give in only serves to make them keep thinking about how horny they are and how badly they need relief.

In reality, few guys have the grit needed to give up orgasms for more than a day or two, much less an entire week. A secure chastity cage, assuming you don’t have access to the key or find a way to cheat, does the heavy lifting for you. Yes, honor chastity is harder than physical device chastity. But it is not impossible, and it doesn’t have to feel like pure misery.

If you can’t resist the temptation to cheat, even when you know your spouse, partner, or other keyholder has forbidden masturbation and orgasms without permission, it’s time for a little introspection. Whether you are wearing a chastity device or only doing honor chastity, ask yourself why you’re willing to cheat, even though you probably asked for chastity to begin with. Maybe you’re one of those individuals Lucie dislikes wasting her time on who only wants to wear a chastity device for fun or to enact your own fantasies.

Honor chastity hasn’t felt hard for me. I haven’t felt my willpower crumbling when unlocked for two reasons. First, Lucie has earned my devotion and I want to please her, not disappoint her. Also, even though Lucie is a pro keyholder, our relationship still requires trust. I know who I am and I know I couldn’t hide it from Lucie if I cheated and I couldn’t lie to her. I couldn’t lie, even though I’m sure she would end our agreement if I confessed to cheating because it would destroy the trust we’re building. So, I think honor chastity is doable as long as you want enforced chastity for the right reasons.

Things You Might Miss with Honor Chastity

The experience of being unable to get erections

It’s a total mind fuck when your penis wants to get hard but it can’t. When a cage stops your erection in its tracks, it feels very tight. It feels almost like an erection, but not the kind you’re accustomed to. It’s a unique sensation, and one you might discover is not only frustrating, but also kind of arousing at the same time.

The feel of the ring behind your balls

The vice-like grip of the ring around your balls can feel like your Keyholder or Dominant’s soft but unforgiving grasp of your genitals. It’s a constant reminder of being put in your place, exactly where you should be.

The weight of the device

Especially with stainless steel cages, the feel of the weighty metal throughout the day is another constant reminder of your chastity and devotion to your keyholder.

The inability to feel your cock

Imprisoned inside a cage, you can’t touch your cock or feel anything through your cock. You can grip that cage all day long, but you will never feel that sensation of gripping your bare shaft. It’s almost like your dick isn’t even there. The bonus is, over time, without the constant friction of underwear and masturbation, the skin of your glans gets more and more sensitive. When you are released, you’ll feel every tiny caress.

Feeling the loss of complete control

On of the best aspects of having someone lock your penis in a cock cage is feeling the complete loss of control. You know, within reason, there is nothing you can do to escape. You have no choice and no freedom. It’s the feeling of being conquered. At the same time, it feels strangely exciting, relaxing, and even calming.

So, yeah. Honor chastity isn’t the same as device assisted chastity. But I’ve discovered it has its benefits too. As an example, when I’m unlocked and denied, I feel Lucie’s control and the reality of the power exchange even more vividly than when I’m locked. Still, I’m feeling happy this first day of the second half of Chastity 90, locked securely once again by Lucie in my Cobra N.

enforced male chastity

Benefits Women Can Expect From Male Chastity

By Chaste on Wednesday, March 3, 2021

Think Male Chastity Only Benefits the Men Who Want it? Think Again.

There are many readily attainable benefits for women who choose to lock their male partner’s penis in a chastity cage. In the first article aimed at women whose husbands or boyfriends have revealed they desire chastity, I briefly mentioned the benefits women can expect from male chastity. In this post, we look at those benefits more closely.

Common Complaints Women Have About Their Men

One way to look at the readily attainable benefits of agreeing to lock your male partner’s penis in a chastity device is to look at some of the common complaints women have about their men. While researching this article, I looked at many different lists of this type, and here are eight complaints that made every list.

(1) “He never helps around the house.”

(2) “He’s is always playing video games, watching sports, etc., etc.”

(3) “We have the same arguments every day.”

(4) “He just wants sex.”

(5) “A little appreciation would be nice.”

(6) “He has to be taught basic life skills.”

(7) “He’s afraid of my feelings.”

(8) “He doesn’t listen.”

Do any of these sound familiar, ladies? All of them? What if I told you putting your man in chastity could eradicate the behaviors behind all of these complaints? Other women have seen it happen. So could you. But how is that possible?

Men and Sex

Someone once said that for women, sex is like scratching an itch. For men, it is like satisfying hunger or thirst. I think that’s an accurate analogy. The sex drives of women and men are remarkably different. Imagine if we were all the same. If evolution had programmed women to view and want sex the same as it has men, the world would be in utter chaos.

Many women believe that men have a one-track mind when it comes to sex. The truth is, that is a simplistic explanation for how men think about sex. Hundreds of thousands of years have programmed men with a prime directive to reproduce. It was nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the species.

While once a useful and necessary trait, the male sex drive is now mostly a nuisance.

A majority of men naturally feel a nearly irresistible urge to ejaculate semen every twenty-four to seventy-hours. When aroused, a man is the most conscious of and attuned to women because of the sexual desire and the felt need to satisfy it. Once the urge is satiated, male desire reaches its lowest level, and he loses interest.

But not for long. Usually, within twenty-four hours, desire builds once again. It’s a continuous cycle. If a female partner is unavailable, most men resort to masturbation to satisfy the sexual need.

Why can’t men show a little self-discipline like women do when it comes to sex? That’s like asking why a heroin addict can’t show a little self-discipline and stop using heroin. I’m not making excuses for men. I’m only telling you the truth.

How Chastity Changes Everything

When a man’s penis is locked inside a chastity device, everything changes. He no longer enjoys the freedom to orgasm at will or even to touch his penis. The person holding the key makes those decisions. The sexual desire doesn’t disappear. It becomes more pronounced. The need becomes more keenly felt. A chaste man can soon feel desperate for sexual release. That’s why male sexual energy, when harnessed for good through the use of a chastity cage, becomes a tool a woman can use to modify her partners’ behavior.

Imagine that, and let it sink in for a moment. You’ve locked your partner’s penis in a cage, and you hold the key. Only you can unlock him. He feels desperate for sexual release. Who do you think becomes his singular focus, the most important person in his world? That’s right. You. Only you have the power to give him what he desperately wants.

The Behavior of a Chaste Man

Men locked in a chastity device behave far differently than men who are not. That’s because orgasm denial produces some profound hormonal changes in the male body. The changes are so dramatic that even while experiencing almost unbearable arousal, it can feel supremely pleasurable.

In this state, a man becomes more attentive to his partner and her needs, more in touch with his own feelings, and eager to please to almost a subservient degree. Those eight common complaints we looked at earlier? The male behaviors behind them simply disappear. The chastened man will literally do almost anything his partner, the keyholder, asks of him. Imagine the possibilities. These are the benefits women can expect from male chastity.

No one has to tell you how disinterested, inattentive, and unromantic your man becomes after having sex or masturbating. Imagine now that instead of enduring this behavior every few days, you only have to deal with it occasionally and as infrequently as you wish.

Just because he desires chastity doesn’t mean you must give up sex, not even PIV sex. You are free to have it as often as you like. Only you forbid him to come and lock him right back up when you’ve finished with him.

You can even keep him locked up and enjoy the attentive quality oral sex you’ve always dreamed of but rarely experienced in the past. He will be happy to serve you orally as often and for as long as you wish as he learns that giving you pleasure becomes his greatest pleasure.

So I Can Keep Him Locked All the Time?

No, unfortunately, you can’t leave a man locked and denied indefinitely. If you never give him a release, his arousal level will eventually fall. He might even become depressed. He must believe that eventually, you will allow him a release.

But you can easily keep him in the state of elevated arousal for weeks at a time. And by judiciously managing his releases through the use of techniques like ruined orgasms, prostate milking, and only allowing him to come while wearing his chastity device (though use of a vibrator), you can shorten those periods of unsatisfactory behavior. That’s because while all of those techniques give him a small measure of relief, they aren’t truly satisfying in the way unrestricted orgasms are.

After a less than fully satisfying release, his arousal will quickly build again to its former elevated level, that sweet spot where you want to keep him.

If Only Life Were Simple

If life were simple, the only effort required of you would be snapping a lock shut and putting away the key. Frankly, it doesn’t work quite that way. Chastity will require some time and effort on your part to keep your partner’s arousal at a high level. It will require you to tease him sexually regularly. But that’s something you should want to do. That’s how you maximize the benefits you will enjoy.

Don’t worry. Even if teasing isn’t something you feel particularly adept at or even something you feel wired to do, it isn’t hard and doesn’t require loads of time. Teasing is the next topic we will visit in this series. And as far as the time commitment, all you must do is shift chores and responsibilities to your partner you have done previously to free up the extra time.

If your husband or boyfriend has recently admitted he desires chastity and asks you to enforce it by becoming his keyholder, I hope you feel less reluctant about giving it a try. After reading this post, you now know the benefits women can expect from male chastity and that it could vastly improve your relationship. By agreeing to lock up your partner’s penis, you will be doing yourself a big favor.

chastity

Is He Masturbating Instead of Having Sex with You?

By Chaste on Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Question for the women. Is he masturbating instead of having sex with you? If so, there is an easy fix you need to know about.

The other morning I saw this posted on Twitter—

3 women have emailed me a complaint that their men spend hours in the other room watching porn and masturbating. One of them even tried to convince her husband to watch porn together but he refused.

Not long ago, I read this, which was posted by a woman on a men’s health magazine website forum—

Why does my boyfriend masturbate when he could have sex with me instead? Just got home and found the wet spot on the covers..asked him and he denied it…made me mad that he lied about it. He said it’s embarrassing. He said that all men do it. Why does he do it when he has me? Is his hand better than having a girlfriend? He says no it just happens. Can guys get an erection for no reason at all? Confused and kinda hurt about this. Need answers!

It seems a lot of wives and girlfriends out there are freaking out that their partners are masturbating all the time instead of having sex with them. My question is this. Then why aren’t more women interested in locking up their partner’s cock in a chastity cage? It’s an easy fix. Lock up their cocks. Instead of so many guys begging their wives and girlfriends to put them in chastity, you would think it would be women insisting on it.

What Some Women May Not Know About Guys and Masturbation

Men and women have very different sex drives. While I don’t believe the myth that guys are constantly thinking about sex, it is true, generally speaking, that it’s a lot easier for guys to get in the mood.

Take something as innocuous as a guy working at home on his computer. He takes a break to check his Twitter feed and an image of a gorgeous woman showing off her bare breasts pops up. Believe me that is far from unusual on Twitter these days. The platform is literally overrun with sex workers hawking their “fans only” nude photos and film clips for sale on the site. Nothing wrong with that, but on Twitter on any given day, you can see everything from shapely female bare butts, to bare breasts, and even people having sex while checking your feed. Twitter is fast becoming as NSFW as Pornhub. But I digress. The next thing you know, the guy is off Twitter perusing Pornhub and jerking off when he wasn’t even thinking about sex until the boobs popped up on Twitter.

Suffice to say, it’s quite normal for guys to masturbate regularly. For some men it can be once a day, for others two or more times a day, and for still others maybe somewhere between seven and fourteen times a day. Some guys wank to relieve stress or to get to sleep faster, like jerk-off NyQuil. Some do it when they are bored.

Not All Masturbation is Bad

I don’t regard masturbation as the great evil. For couples with a healthy relationship and a happy sex life there can still be a place for self-pleasure as long as it doesn’t detract from the relationship.

For example, if a guy’s partner has a lower sex drive, then masturbating more often can help bridge the libido gap. Or say, you jump into the shower when getting ready for work and feel the urge to knock one out. It’s probably not an instance in which your partner would even want to have sex with you anyway.

But, unfortunately, frequent masturbation can detract from a relationship even if it isn’t a situation where a man stays up for hours watching porn and masturbating with no regard for his partner’s needs.

When Masturbation Becomes Problematic

Masturbation can be problematic for a relationship when it depletes a guy’s libido to the extent he loses interest in having sex regularly with his partner. Some women are lucky enough to have a partner who devotes his sexual energies exclusively to her, fulfilling her desires as completely as he possibly can. But others are less fortunate.

Some have partners who overindulge when it comes to masturbation. And, once a guy has ejaculated and his sexual urges have been satisfied, we know what happens. He becomes less interested in pleasing his partner and far from enthusiastic about helping out around the house.

As guys know, a man’s body chemistry changes after orgasm. The biochemical prolactin is released, physically altering his body and making him feel sluggish and tired. The release of the chemicals oxytocin, prolactin, gamma amino butyric acid (GABA) and endorphins all contribute to the infamous “roll over and snore” feeling.

What Too Many Women Don't Understand About Chastity

Many Don’t See the Point

First, I think too few women even know about male chastity, or at least don’t know enough about it to understand how they would benefit from caging their man’s penis. They don’t realize how easily they could take away their man’s ability to masturbate and make it so that his orgasms were entirely at their discretion.

When a woman controls exactly how and when her partner is allowed to come, he quickly becomes so desperate for release that he will do whatever it takes to win her favor. As the sole arbiter of his sexual needs, he won’t dare to intentionally do anything to displease her because he is entirely at her mercy. Only she can relieve the burning, consuming frustration. Under those circumstances, a guy will be sure to start putting her satisfaction first knowing that’s his only chance of getting his desires for relief satisfied.

They Think It’s Only a Kink Thing

Some women know a little about male chastity and may even be familiar with cock cages. But they have a faulty perception. They think male chastity is nothing but a kink that is all wrapped up with Female-led relationships, BMSM, or porn. Since many aren’t the whip-cracking dominatrix-types willing to dress in latex corsets and stilettos, nor do they have any interest in taking complete control in the relationship, they aren’t interested in male chastity. They don’t understand that male chastity can be seamlessly introduced into an otherwise vanilla relationship where neither partner has a kinky bone in their bodies.

They Believe Chastity Means a Sexless Relationship

Still other women, women who enjoy PIV sex, think locking up their guy’s penis means they have do without. Again, nothing could be further from the truth. A woman might have her partner wear a chastity device for a few hours as a prelude to some erotic action in the bedroom, guaranteeing she gets his full attention as he strives to satisfy her needs before being able to fulfill his own. Having him wear a cock cage for a few days or a week gives her partner plenty of time to anticipate what may be forthcoming, allowing his passions to be stoked into a frenzy. Getting her partner all fired up by teasing him sexually during this time can strengthen the intimate bonds between them, and is all the more effective since he is helpless to resist. The woman holding the key gets to decide when, how, and how often her needs get satisfied and her satisfaction will always come first. Chastity stops a man from masturbating or otherwise pleasuring himself without her permission and that alone can benefit a woman in ways she might hardly imagine.

There are plenty of ways to incorporate male chastity into a relationship. It doesn’t always have to be permanent or even long-term to be beneficial. While I suspect it is mostly men who visit Cut to the Chaste, I always hope some women are also visiting this site and are learning more about how locking up a guy’s cock can be massively beneficial for them and their relationships. We can help get the word out by directing the women in our lives to resources that accurately portray what male chastity is all about. One excellent resource is Krystine Kellogg’s excellent podcast where she discusses male chastity from the female point of view.

I’m confident that the more women who come to understand male chastity and its benefits for them and their relationships, the more who will not only embrace it, but will insist on it with their partners.

female led relationships Podcast Reviews

Krystine Kellogg FLR Podcast Review

By Chaste on Thursday, October 29, 2020

In this post, I’m reviewing the Krystine Kellogg FLR Podcast. Male chastity and the female led relationship (FLR) often go together like fish and chips for chaste guys in relationships who are chastity device wearing enthusiasts.

I have never been part of an FLR though I’ll admit the concept has always fascinated me. For that reason, I’ve read a good deal about them, and today I stumbled across an awesome podcast focused on female led relationships. As a bonus, the presenter, Krystine Kellogg, often discusses male chastity. Since I’ve been binge listening today, I thought I’d post about the podcast.

What to Expect from the Krystine Kellogg FLR Podcast

So far, there are nine episodes. Some of the episodes are as short as 7-9 minutes in length, but most run around twenty minutes. That makes it easy to find time to listen for those who don’t have a lot of time to spend listening to podcasts. Personally, I love podcasts and have several favorites I listen to daily. Krystine’s FLR Podcast is definitely now on my list.

The latest episode, Episode 9, “Tips on introducing chastity to your significant other,” has a lot of actionable tips from a dominant woman’s perspective on how a guy who wants to wear a chastity device might go about starting the conversation with his wife or romantic partner. Episode 7, “It’s Locktober boys. Let’s talk about male chastity,” is another good episode where Krystine candidly shares how she and her husband got started with enforced chastity.

So, if female led relationships is a topic you’re interested in, check out Krystine’s FLR Podcast on Apple Podcasts. I give it two thumbs up and gave it a five-star review on Apple. You can also find Krystine on Twitter and her blog at https://krystinekellogg.com.

Service: Podcast

Provider: Krystine’s FLR Podcast

Website: https://krystinekellogg.com

Apple Podcast Preview: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/krystines-flr-podcast/id1529833492

Available however you listen to Apple podcasts.

What's Coming Up Next

Generally, how I roll is, I self-lock most of the time, and when I need a little boost in motivation, I turn to a professional keyholder. Now at 157 days and counting, I need that lift again.

A few days ago, I happened to have a brief chat with a very enchanting professional dominatrix who, among other things, offers online keyholding. I’ll be trying out her service very soon, but the exciting part is she has agreed to allow me to feature her keyholding service here on Cut to the Chaste.

It’s the most organized, well thought out keyholding service I think I’ve seen to date. We’re working out time for an interview at the moment, and hopefully, the feature article will be the next post. So, if you have ever been curious about contracting with a professional dominatrix for keyholding, you won’t want to miss the next post.

Tag Archives: female led relationships