becoming a chastity keyholder Archives

31 Days of Chastity Meme Day 31: The Keyholder’s Perspective

By Chaste on Tuesday, October 31, 2023

As I thought about what to write about on this last day of the meme, something occurred to me. The past thirty days of posts have all been from the perspective of those of us who wear chastity devices. It seemed only fair to wrap up with this 31 Days of Chastity Day 31 post by discussing chastity from the keyholder’s perspective. I hope those with a male partner who may have only recently revealed his desire for chastity will find this post helpful.

What tips and advice would you give to someone who had just recently learned a partner is interested in Chastity and is considering becoming their partner’s keyholder?

In this post, the focus is on wives or partners who want to know what they are letting themselves into before agreeing to become the chastity keyholder for their male partner. Despite what my circumstances have been and are, I won’t be discussing pro keyholders in this post.

Why Do Men Want to Wear a Chastity Device

If the guy you’re in a relationship with has recently shocked you by revealing that he wants to wear a chastity device and wants you to hold the key and enforce his chastity, you probably have a lot of questions. Why does he want this? Should you seriously consider agreeing to do what he has asked? Is this just another silly sexual kink like all the others that men are prone to ask their partner to take part in? Let’s answer these questions and then I’ll offer some tips you may find useful if you decide to grant your partner’s request.

Are you wondering why a man would ever desire having his most prized anatomical possession locked up and rendered inaccessible? It’s a fair question if you have any idea about the time and attention the average male devotes to his penis. Let’s begin here. Yes, male chastity is a thing and a surprising number of men are interested in exploring it. And the reasons so many men are interested in exploring chastity are as varied as the men themselves. But here are a few of the most common reasons.

The reason can be as simple as curiosity, and curiosity is a powerful thing. Usually, men learn about chastity and chastity devices from watching porn, reading chastity fiction, or from stumbling on a website devoted to chastity which are ubiquitous these days. Regardless of the specific source, a seed gets planted and develops in the mind. Eventually, it becomes an itch a man must scratch. Exposure to the concept of chastity and the various dynamics associated with it, for many, will start them on a journey, eventually ending with them buying and trying on a chastity cage. If he is like most men, your partner probably bought a chastity cage and experimented with it secretly long before he came to you to discuss chastity. He might not be able to articulate exactly why he wants to wear a chastity device and wants you to take part. He only knows he feels drawn to it.

Research shows that increasingly, it is oversexed males who desire to wear chastity devices. I’m not talking about men with sexual addictions, but about those who seem to want sex more often than their partners. And when they don’t get sex as often as they feel they need it, they turn to porn and masturbation to satisfy their needs. Sooner or later, many of these men come to feel they are watching too much porn and masturbating too often. A chastity device can seem like a good way to gain control over these habits.

A third reason a man might desire chastity is because he recognizes there is a submissive side of his nature that craves control. Wearing a chastity device to which his wife or partner controls the key as well as his access to sexual pleasure is one way to get the control he craves.

This isn’t an exhaustive list of every reason a man might want to wear a chastity device, but these are three very common reasons. While for some, a chastity device can be a fetish object or chastity play can be a mere kink, I think it is best not to assume that. For most guys who want chastity, it runs deeper than that.

Making a Decision

If your partner has asked you to lock up his penis, ask yourself a few questions before deciding if you should agree. Are you unhappy with how much attention he pays you now? Do you think that at least part of the problem is that he is watching too much porn? Has he admitted to you, or do you suspect he masturbates too much? Are you tired of the constant bartering for sex where he says he will do something for you (usually something he should already be doing anyway) in return for you giving him the sex he wants? Would you be willing to give up intercourse with him, at least in the short term, if you got a lot more attention from him, including him giving a lot more attention to your sexual needs and desires? Are you willing to take control of his access to sex and put forth the necessary effort toward making your relationship work in a new and exciting way? If you answered yes to these questions, you may want to consider becoming his keyholder.

Many women who know little about chastity or about what being a keyholder entails may question whether they can even do it. Others may think their partner is trying to force them to become a built in home dominatrix, something they have no interest in. I think any woman can become an effective chastity keyholder and no one should worry about having to become someone she isn’t or doesn’t want to be. Chastity keyholding isn’t rocket science. To make chastity work, all you need is a plan and a commitment to putting it in action. And here is a suggested plan.

Establish Some Ground Rules

Make it clear to your partner that chastity must be real, not some kinky game if you are to take part. Tell him it has to be a part of your relationship 24/7. Yes, it will take a few weeks to build up to 24/7 as a man’s body must adjust gradually to wearing a wearing a cage full time. But 24/7 must be the foundation if chastity is to be a positive change for the relationship. Once you begin, he cannot have any opportunity to control his sexual releases. That is an area where you must have absolute control. Warn him upfront that if he shows he isn’t serious, you will unlock him and will never considering taking part in chastity again.

There are many ways to acclimate a man to wearing a chastity device 24/7. Here is one way that is as good as any. Let him wear the device for only an hour or two the first time to make sure it fits reasonably well and doesn’t pinch his sensitive parts or cause any genuine pain. If everything seems okay, beginning on the second day, have him wear the device for four hours, every day, for a full week. Don’t allow him to skip a day. But don’t allow him to sleep wearing it yet.

Once he has worn the device for four hours a day for a full week, increase the time to eight hours a day for another full week. If that goes well, beginning the first day of the third week, have him wear the device 24/7, including sleeping while wearing it. It may take two or three nights for him to adjust to sleeping while caged, but he will get used to it.

Once he can wear the cage 24/7 for a week at a time, isn’t having chafing problems, and can sleep wearing it well enough, then you can put him on whatever schedule you wish. He should be able to wear the device indefinitely. Allow him to remove the device once each week for cleaning, after warning him not to masturbate. You may even want to supervise the shower or bath to make sure he doesn’t because he will feel tempted. As soon as he has washed his body and the device thoroughly and everything is dry, have him put it right back on. Don’t let him talk you out of it. Once he grows accustomed to 24/7, the device should never come off except for weekly cleanings, doctor’s appointments where he must undress, or when traveling by plane.

Teasing is Not Optional

Just like a relationship, chastity must have mutual rewards. Yes, at least at first, he will enjoy wearing the device and find it exciting having you controling him. That’s a reward, but he will need more of a reward than that. You must spend some time and effort teasing him. How much time is up to you. It doesn’t have to be a lot. A rule of thumb I once heard that sounds reasonable is five minutes of teasing each day always beats 30 minutes of teasing once a week.

Teasing is no mystery either and requires no special skills. You already know the things that your partner likes, what turns him on. The things that arouse him and put a smile on his face. The challenge is, with his penis locked inside a cage, it won’t be available. Well, unless you want to remove it temporarily or use a vibrator against the cage to provide a little stimulation and that’s very effective.

Often, you may find the things he likes don’t interest you that much, but he is making a sacrifice by relinquishing control over his prized possession, and you, too, must make some minor sacrifices. In time, it may surprise you that things you like him to do for you (e.g., massages, back rubs, feet rubs, etc.) will also serve as effective teasing for your partner.

Don’t worry too much about the teasing. It will soon become second nature for you and needn’t take up a lot of your time. Just know it’s important. Without teasing, your partner’s arousal will quickly plateau and he will become moody or even depressed and he may start pestering you to unlock him frequently. You don’t want that. Avoid the plateau. If you feel you need some teasing tips, I recommend reading this blog, https://myboyinchastityblog.wordpress.com/ Given the way WordPress blogs work, you will arrive at the latest post. I recommend you don’t start there but keep paging down until you arrive at the very beginning. Then you can follow one wife’s experience in learning how to become her husband’s keyholder and leaning the ropes. She knew absolutely nothing about male chastity when her husband first asked her to lock him up.

How Long Should You Keep Him Locked?

This is probably one of the first questions new Keyholders ask. So, let’s talk about how long you should keep him locked once he can wear the device comfortably 24/7 for a week or more at a time. I would say keep him locked at least three weeks, but four is better to start. Then escalate the time, a week or two at a time until you reach three months of continuous wear without release. Whatever time you set, NEVER give him the date you intend to unlock him, and NEVER let him persuade you to unlock him earlier than you intended.

This may sound cruel, but it isn’t. Both of you will get the most positive benefits from chastity when you keep him on a strict schedule of your choosing. It will soon become his new normal, and trust me, he will learn to love it. He may tell you how badly he needs release and beg you to unlock him. Not only should you say no whenever he does this, forbid him from begging or asking when you will unlock him. You can enforce this by threatening to add another week on top of the date you had intended. The threat of extra time locked should stop his inappropriate behavior. If he becomes irritable and continues asking you to unlock him, assume he isn’t serious about chastity. Unlock him, and tell him not to bring it up again. Never forget, you are doing him a real kindness by agreeing to take part in chastity. Chastity should never make your life harder. Don’t put up with bad behavior.

What’s In It for You?

Earlier I said just like a relationship, chastity should have mutual benefits. We talked about benefits for him. Now let’s talk about the benefits you should expect from locking your man in chastity.

From personal experience, I can attest chastity puts a stop to the masturbation and changes a man in many ways. It changes his mood, behavior, and libido. Most importantly, it changes his desire to please his partner. You will probably find that he will voluntarily take on extra responsibilities at home, like doing the cooking, cleaning, or doing the laundry. Every guy is different, so no guarantees. But you may find it happening, even if not routinely.

This often happens because a man’s sexual energy continues building when he no longer can release sexual tension through masturbation whenever he pleases. So, often, a man will divert that excess sexual energy towards pleasing you by doing things he believes make life easier for you.

Also, as the sole the source of your partner’s access to sexual pleasure, his feelings toward you will probably change in positive ways. He will adore you, love you in ways focused on your desires, and will feel eager to please you. Over time, he will feel happier because you are happier.

Keeping your man in chastity can improve your relationship as long as you have a solid relationship to start with. Over time, even in good relationships, couples may feel a decline in excitement and romantic feelings. Feelings of restlessness or dissatisfaction with one’s partner or the relationship in general can result. It can feel more like a friendship than a romance. Chastity can help in these circumstances and can help breathe new excitement and romance into the relationship. But it is important to note that chastity is not magic. Putting your man in chastity will never fix a bad relationship. You need a solid foundation to start with.

Hopefully, if you’re a new keyholder and are considering your partner’s request to lock him in chastity, you will find these tips and suggestions useful.

We made it. We’ve arrived at the end of Locktober 2023 and the meme. I hope everyone had a successful and fun Locktober. I also hope visitors to this blog enjoyed the 31 Days of Chastity Meme series. According to the stats, some posts seemed to interest visitors more than others, but site visits over the month were up and remarkably steady. I know writing the daily posts was an enjoyable diversion for me and helped me get through another Locktober. Sure, at times, it felt a little like a slog knowing I had to write and publish a post every single day, especially those days I didn’t feel excited about it. But I felt determined to complete the entire meme on this, my second attempt at doing so. Thanks to everyone for reading and supporting the blog. I really appreciate it.

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You Don’t Have to Become a Dominatrix to Be a Chastity Keyholder

By Chaste on Saturday, September 2, 2023

It’s been a while since I’ve posted something specifically for women. So, today let’s see why you don’t have to become a dominatrix to be a chastity keyholder.

Trawling the male chastity forums as I often do, I see this question or some variation of it again and again.

“How do I get my wife to dominate me?”

My answer to that question is you can’t. Not unless she wants to do it. And here is one of the biggest problems that crops up when a guy screws up the courage to admit to his wife or partner he wants her to lock his genitals in a chastity cage and take possession of the keys.

As women are prone to do, she immediately turns to the Internet to find out what in the world has come over her husband and what it is he is asking her to do exactly? Invariably, she runs headlong into all the porn and fiction surrounding male chastity that proliferates the web, and gets immediately turned off by the entire idea. She isn’t a dominatrix type and has zero interest in becoming one. “Cuckolding? Eww! That’s disgusting!”

First, the good news. You don’t have to develop an interest in wearing leather or shiny latex outfits. You don’t have to learn how to wield a flogger, paddle, or rattan cane. The fact is, you don’t have to become a dominatrix to be a chastity keyholder. You don’t even have to be an actual sexual dominant or embrace the philosophy of female superiority.

Your partner or husband isn’t asking you to become something you’re not. He is only asking you to lock up his genitals with what I admit at first blush probably looks like a ridiculous little plastic or metal thing and to take full control of his penis, orgasms, and his access to sexual pleasure. Yes, he also wants you to tease him now and again to keep his libido peaking because erotic sexual denial isn’t much fun without it. But most women, I’d say the vast majority of women, are more than capable of doing all this. Even women who may prefer the submissive role in the bedroom.

Now the bad news. A good keyholder should really want to be a keyholder. You don’t have to visit chastity forums too often to come across cases where a wife or partner is trying to dominate her man, or her man is trying to make her a keyholder, but it isn’t working because she doesn’t actually want to control him.

I think a lot of women pretend to want to enforce their partner’s chastity because they are trying to please him. They understand how much their partner wants this. They love him, and naturally they try to please him by being as domly as they can. But any self-respecting guy sees through this easily. It never really works.

You don’t have to become a dominatrix to be a keyholder, but my view is if your heart isn’t in it, leave it alone. Yes, your partner will feel dissatisfied. But it’s better to be honest. Here, a half a loaf is not better than no bread at all. A pretend keyholder is worse than no keyholder at all.

If your partner really, really wants chastity, and you aren’t that way inclined, why not let someone else lock and supervise him instead? This isn’t as strange as it might sound. Some couples find a pro domme and make the arrangement work.

Your partner wouldn’t get a girlfriend on the side. It doesn’t work that way. He would merely pay for professional chastity services in an arrangement that is quite similar to paying a dentist or a therapist for their professional services. And you can get involved in it as much or as little as you wish. The best part is you would still reap all the benefits of having a more pliable and attentive partner. Locked and denied boys are the best boys, no matter who does the locking.

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Chastity Keyholding For Dummies

By Chaste on Sunday, June 7, 2020

This post, Chastity Keyholding For Dummies, is for the ladies, ladies whose male partners have come to them with a strange request: “Will you lock me in a chastity device and be my keyholder?” Please understand I’d never apply the term “dummy” to any woman. Having been raised with good manners, I have always treated women with respect, even deference. The title of the post is meant only to illustrate my intention to take women who know little or nothing at all about male chastity and help them learn what a keyholder is and why they might want to be one.

If you are a woman reading this post, chances are your husband, boyfriend, lover, or whatever has asked you to lock him in a chastity device and to become his keyholder. You probably arrived here while doing your own research to learn what chastity is exactly and why the man in your life seems so excited by the idea of wearing a chastity device.

Or, perhaps, your partner directed you to this post and asked you to read it. Regardless, you likely came here with many questions. If you are utterly new to male chastity, this might be your first question. “What is a chastity keyholder?” Running a close second may be the question, “Why in the world would I want to be a keyholder?” I will answer those questions and many more in this post.

What Is A Keyholder

Simply put, a keyholder is a term for someone who holds the key to the chastity device of another. A keyholder can be anyone, as long as that person consents to the role. Some may assume a keyholder is always a female. That’s not true. Anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, can fill the position. But most commonly, a keyholder is the caged male’s wife, girlfriend, or sexual partner.

The keyholder has a position of great power. Because a keyholder controls access to a chastity device, they also, by extension, control the genitals of their partner. That means they decide when or if their partner can achieve sexual gratification. At its most basic, keyholding is about control, taking control of a man sexually. I’ll explain why this is important later.

The Basics of Male Chastity

Most women describe their initial reactions when their partner tells them he wishes them to lock him in a chastity device with words like “shock” and “confusion.” Let’s try to clear that away.

The motivation behind why a guy wants to wear a chastity device and to have his partner control him sexually is uncomplicated. At first blush, when your partner first approached you about chastity, you may have thought it was only the latest kinky sex thing he had found on the Internet and wanted to try to spice up things in the bedroom. It may have sounded entirely unnatural to you, something you weren’t interested in at all. It didn’t seem sexy. In reality, it seemed kind of stupid, very stupid, boring, and pointless.

But actually, being sexually controlled by a woman is a pervasive male fantasy shared by many men. That means chastity probably isn’t just the latest in a long line of kinky sex things your partner stumbled across on the Internet. If your man has asked you to put him in chastity, he has probably already been fantasizing about it for months, if not years.

The attraction for male chastity for most men is primarily the desire for two things—orgasm control and orgasm denial.

Orgasm Control & Denial

Orgasm control is the sexual practice where someone remains in a state of heightened arousal for an extended period without achieving climax. The expectation for experiencing this lengthened final stage of arousal is that it will amplify the sensations of an eventual orgasm.

Orgasm denial is the sexual practice of experiencing or allowing someone else to experience a high level of sexual pleasure for an extended period without experiencing orgasm. Most of us would agree that orgasms are seriously pleasurable experiences. Why would anyone wish to be denied orgasms deliberately? Because having a partner holding you back or forbidding you to come intentionally can lead to amplified erotic fantasies and heighten the anticipation of climax.

The attraction of orgasm control and denial for men who wish to be put in chastity is not that they want only to have their orgasms limited or denied, they also want a partner to subject them to intense sexual teasing. Sexual teasing combined with orgasm delay or denial for a male increases his testosterone levels and the sensitivity in his genitals. Increasing testosterone and sensitivity stimulates his sex drive and leads to stronger orgasms when he does orgasm.

It Sounds So Selfish

Interest in practicing chastity among men has exploded in recent years. The increased interest likely is the result of male chastity devices becoming more readily available and at significantly lower prices. While male chastity might still not yet be mainstream, it is definitely moving in that direction. What was once something practiced only by submissive men involved in BDSM, is now increasingly being practiced by average, everyday men who may not have a kinky bone in their bodies.

At this point, you may be thinking; male chastity sounds selfishly motivated, just like every other aspect of the weird world of male sexuality. It’s yet another thing your partner wants you to do for him so that he gets sexual gratification. No thanks! Sure, it is selfishly motivated. I won’t insult your intelligence by denying it. If you agree to put your partner in chastity and to become his keyholder, he will get what he wants. But, there is so much more because male chastity produces some rather startling changes in men that will directly benefit the keyholder. Putting your partner in chastity can be an opportunity for you to get more enjoyment from your sex life, not just something he has asked you to do to keep him happy.

Those Were The Days

Remember when you first met your husband or partner, and he worked so hard trying to win your affections and to persuade you to have a relationship with him? He was so affectionate. All he wanted was to spend time with you. He hung on your every word. There was nothing he was unwilling to do to make you happy. Then, once you married or got into a relationship with him, everything changed. Like singer Paula Cole says it in her song, “Where Have All the Cowboys Gone,” “I am wearing my new dress tonite, but you don’t even notice me. Where is my John Wayne? Where is my prairie song? Where is my happy ending? Where have all the cowboys gone?”

Not to discount the sincere love and affection I’m confident your partner felt for you at the time, his primary motivation back then during the courting phase was that he found you sexually attractive and wanted you as a sexual partner. That’s a sad yet accurate commentary on the male sex drive. It’s also unfortunate that over time, once a relationship has been established, passions cool, and the romance fades. What would you say if I told you, male chastity could reverse that? It can turn back the clock on your relationship with your partner to where it feels you’re in that romantic courtship phase all over again. How is that possible, you ask? Please read on.

A male whose sexuality is locked up in a chastity device is denied orgasm, sexual pleasure of any kind, and even the sensation of a normal erection. Chastity works in many ways. It changes a man’s moods, demeanor, and libido. Most importantly, it transforms his desire to please his partner when she holds the key to his chastity device.

It isn’t that it becomes his goal to do more around the house like cooking, cleaning, or the laundry, but you will find that he will do one or more of these things as he continues the build-up of his sexual energy. Unable to channel this pent up sexual energy through his genitals, by necessity, he diverts that energy towards pleasing you.

As his keyholder and the sole source of his sexual pleasure, he will once again become wholly focused on you. He will adore you and love you in the way he did when you first met, and he will be eager to please you in every way. Why does this happen?

The increase in sexual tension produced by chastity increases a man’s testosterone levels giving him a significant energy boost. Research studies on the effect of increased testosterone levels on male sexuality have identified testosterone as the major “courtship inducer.” We might define “courtship” as the amount of effort a male is willing to put into gaining the favor of a female. The courtship mode is induced when a male’s testosterone levels are increased by fifty-percent or more through an extended non-ejaculatory period of at least seven days. Since the purpose of a male chastity device is to enforce non-ejaculatory periods, they yield the spontaneous initiation of courtship.

The takeaway is, by putting your man in chastity, he will become more attentive to your needs, more affectionate, and more willing to do whatever you ask when he believes it will make you happy. Have you ever felt your partner was most focused on having his sexual needs satisfied during sex and that your satisfaction was a distant second consideration, if a consideration at all? Male chastity can completely reverse that. Yes, your partner will still crave sexual pleasure, denial of his orgasm will sometimes feel frustrating, but even so, his primary goal will be the satisfaction of your sexual needs. Satisfying you by giving you sexual pleasure will become more important to him than his desires.

What Do I Have To Do As His Keyholder?

Perhaps after reading the previous section, you are feeling a little more curious about this whole chastity thing. The natural next question then is this. What do I have to do if I agree to be his keyholder?

You take possession of the keys, and you decide when or if your partner has orgasms. Being a keyholder does not obligate you to do any more than that.

It might be helpful to think as male chastity as a game, a game in which you, as the keyholder, make all the rules. That doesn’t mean you should lock your partner in a chastity device and throw away the key. You may want to put a little more time, effort, and imagination into it if you’re going to achieve a sexual relationship with your partner far beyond anything you’ve ever experienced or maybe even imagined possible.

Tease & Denial

Intertwined within those chastity fantasies your partner has almost surely entertained, is the part he was thinking about most when he asked you to be his keyholder. He desires you to tease him sexually in every way you can think of while denying him orgasm. And, teasing and denial is a necessity for chastity to work.

If you lock your partner in a chastity device and then ignore him, his arousal will grow for a time, but then he will reach a point where his arousal plateaus and then inevitably declines. Then chastity will no longer be something he enjoys. It also won’t be the courtship inducer that produces the behavioral changes I mentioned earlier. That’s just not how the male arousal cycle works. Orgasm denial, coupled with sexual teasing is what elevates testosterone levels in men.

Teasing and denial needn’t be time-consuming. It all depends on what type of teasing, and how much of it you want to do. It’s entirely up to you. Also, by teasing, I don’t mean it is always you doing sexually pleasurable things to your partner. It also means requiring him to do sexually pleasing stuff to you while he is locked up and denied pleasure.

In a way, despite the sexual frustration, your partner wants you to be “mean” to him. By this, I mean he wants you to keep his penis locked up. He wants you to make him wait, beg, and plead for orgasms. He wants you to tease him, to deny him orgasms, and to tease him some more until his arousal is so heightened he doesn’t think he can stand it a minute longer.

Does Chastity Mean We Won’t Have Sex Anymore

For women who enjoy penetrative sex with their partners, it may seem to lock your partner’s penis in a chastity device means you will never have sex anymore. That’s not the case at all. You may not only find yourself having better sex, but having sex much more often.

You can always make him give you oral sex, or use a vibrator or dildo on you until you’ve had all the orgasms you can handle. And he will love every minute of it, especially when you don’t allow him to ejaculate. Remember when I said the keyholder makes all the rules? That applies to sex as well as everything else about chastity.

You can choose to unlock your partner for sex at any time you wish. But you may not want to allow him to come every time or even most of the time. You can have what you want, but mostly you should make him stop before he climaxes. That way, you won’t have to re-start the whole seven-days of arousing building all over to allow his testosterone levels to climb again.

One thing won’t change about your partner. Anytime you allow him to orgasm, he will revert to the guy he was before when he didn’t pay enough attention to you or your needs. It will require at least seven days under lock and key after an orgasm before you will get back the attentive, affectionate, anxious to please guy you will grow to love.

Hopefully, I have explained the basics of what a chastity keyholder is, what it means to be a keyholder, and why you might want to become one for your partner. Of course, this post covers only the basics. There is always more to learn about keyholding. In fact, entire books are devoted to it. But it is my sincere hope you learned enough from this post that you now feel confident you can make an informed decision when your male partner asks you: “Will you lock me in a chastity device and be my keyholder?”

male chastity for beginners male chastity for dummies

Male Chastity For Dummies

By Chaste on Wednesday, June 3, 2020

Please don’t take offense at the title, Male Chasity For Dummies. I don’t think you’re a dummy. I’m not calling anyone a dummy, least of all someone who has developed an interest in male chastity and is looking for information on how to get started.

male-chastity-for-dummies

The reason I chose the title is because of Google. When I started typing “male chastity” into the Google search bar, the algorithm suggested “male chastity for dummies.” I accepted the suggestion for that search term out of curiosity to see what links I’d get.

Did I get a link to a site or article titled “Male Chastity For Dummies?” Of course not. I did get links in the search results for stuff like “male chastity guide,” “male chastity for beginners,” “male chastity basics,” etc. Just no “male chastity for dummies.” That leads me to believe a whole lot of people have Googled that search term. I thought, what the heck. I’ll give them something to find next time.

Anyway, if you arrived here looking for some basic male chastity 101 information and advice, you’ve come to the right place.

First, let me tell you a little about me. In the summer of 2019, I came across a very entertaining site, written by a woman no less, about male chastity. I’d heard of it before, and I’d seen male chastity devices. I’d never found the idea particularly intriguing and had never contemplated buying a chastity device. But, something about the way the woman discussed male chastity and even encouraged guys to try it resonated with me. You might say she planted the seed.

I visited the site regularly for a few months after I’d stumbled onto it, but still wasn’t seriously thinking about buying a chastity device. But, by November 2019, I had become hooked on the idea of giving male chastity a try. I started looking for devices, and soon I ordered my first device.

I mention all this only to say I don’t consider myself some kind of chastity expert. I haven’t been wearing chastity devices for even a full year yet. Mr. Chastity, I’m not. However, I’ve learned a few things, mostly by trial and error, about male chastity and chastity devices. I feel I can competently help another interested new guy get started safely with chastity.

Male Chastity For Beginners

At its most basic, male chastity is the act of a guy locking his penis into a specially designed device that prevents him from having sex, masturbating, having orgasms, or even getting normal erections. Usually, the device you hear about is a steel or plastic tube or cage. As you may know, there is such a thing as a chastity belt, sort of like those from Medieval myths, and to a lesser extent, the Victorian era. But chastity belts are not nearly as widely used in male chastity as the devices some call “cock cages.”

I’m writing this post for guys who, like me not long ago, are just beginning to consider adding chastity to their sexual lifestyle. Specifically, those considering buying or who may have already recently acquired their first chastity device.

Male Chastity Cages Overview

The interest in chastity and chastity devices among males has skyrocketed in recent years. Part of the reason for that, I think, is because chastity devices have become more widely available and at significantly cheaper prices than ever before. Here I am speaking of mass-produced, off-the-shelf type devices, many of which are manufactured in foreign countries, China in particular.

I’m not trying to throw shade on the Chinese here. They are great people with a long and distinguished history. The thing is, they are not inventors. I’m pretty sure they haven’t invented anything original since gunpowder in the ninth century. But, what the Chinese excel at is taking the inventions of others, copying the designs, and then manufacturing and selling those products at significantly reduced prices in comparison to the originals. Sure, usually the quality isn’t high. But one thing the Chinese know. One heck of a lot of people buys stuff based on price. For some reason, the Chinese became interested in making chastity devices. So, Chinese manufacturers ginned up and flooded the market with cheap knockoffs of just about every chastity device that existed, including chastity belts. You can buy many of the cage devices for as little as $10-$15. Anyway, this situation is what I believe spurred the growth of interest in male chastity. It was no longer necessary for guys to spend $150-$200 to get into the game.

Guide To Male Chastity Devices

Chastity device design is straightforward, mostly because the design is based on the male anatomy. Most chastity devices consist of a ring (base ring) seated around the base of the penis behind the scrotum and a tube or penis cage that holds the penis. The two parts mate together with a hinge-like component or pin. The penis cage is designed so that the penis inside cannot be stimulated directly with hands and fingers.

The tip of the chastity device has one or more holes to allow urine to pass, and some designs incorporate vents to facilitate long-term wear and cleaning. The flaccid penis is inserted into the cage or tube and is held at a slight downward angle to make an erection uncomfortable or impossible. Some designs have an extra short cage into which the penis may be squeezed to restrict it even more. Other designs incorporate a tip covering the glans through which a catheter is fixed.

The base ring and cage are usually secured together with a lock, security screw, or a tamper-evident plastic security seal. When the device is locked, it traps the testicles in the gap between the ring and the penis tube or cage, which is narrow enough to prevent the testicles and penis from being pulled out. The testicles are usually held in a fixed position, exposed beneath the cage

Acquiring Your First Cock Cage

When looking to buy a chastity device, be aware that prices vary widely all over the web. Prices also depend on whether you buy an original device from a reputable manufacturer or retailer, or whether you buy from places like Amazon, eBay, or one of the similar Chinese online retailers. In any case, what you will almost always be buying from those sources is a device manufactured in China or some other foreign country. I don’t see a problem with doing that, as long as you’re discriminating. You will save money, and you can get an idea of whether chastity is something you are really interested in before paying serious money for a device. That was my approach at the beginning.

I would only urge you not to buy a Chinese knockoff of one of the popular name brand devices like The Holy Trainer or CB-6000. You can find them in abundance at the sites I mentioned for far less than the cost of the originals. But the quality is junk grade, and they are not durable. Most of the popular inexpensive stainless steel devices available from those retailers are of decent quality, and you can buy one for very little money that won’t immediately break or injure you. But, if you’re determined to get a device made from plastic, stick with the genuine devices. Trust me on this. It’s worth paying the difference.

My Recommendations For A First Chastity Device

If I had it to do over, I would have purchased one of the popular plastic devices to start with instead of the device I chose. The two I’d recommend are The Holy Trainer made by HolyTrainer Inc. or the CB-6000 made by CB-X. They are the two most popular devices in the world for beginners, and for good reasons.

The thing I like about the CB-6000, a device made from polycarbonate, is it comes with multiple base rings and spacers that allow you to experiment until you find the best fit. The downside is there are few choices when it comes to the length and inside diameter of the cage. The regular size cage is 3-1/4 inches in length, which for most guys is too long. We’re talking about flaccid penis length here. The CB-6000 comes in multiple colors.

There is a CB-6000S (small), which has a cage 2-1/2 inches in length. That’s going to be a better fit for most guys. Yeah, sadly, we aren’t all hung like porn stars. Both the regular and short versions come with an inside cage diameter of 1-3/8 inches. Again, this works for most guys. If you buy the CB-6000 directly from the manufacturer’s site, it retails for $159.95. Occasionally CB-X runs inventory sales as they were when this post was published, and they are priced at $99.95. Also, you can often find original CB-6000 devices for a little less from some of the online chastity device retailers. Just avoid buying units with “too good to be true” prices on eBay or other sites as you will get one of the inferior knockoff versions.

I give The Holy Trainer a slight nod over the CB-6000 only because it has a sleeker, more ergonomic design. Unlike the CB-6000, it comes with only one base ring. You must either order it with the right size for you or spend the money to buy extra rings. Instead of polycarbonate, The Holy Trainer is made from what the manufacturer calls bio-based resin, which they claim is hypoallergenic. The real advantage with the trainer is the five cage length options—1.41 inches, 1.55 inches, 1.75 inches, 1.95 inches, and 2.14 inches. Most guys will get a better fit with The Holy Trainer. Later I’ll explain why cage length is important. The internal diameter of the trainer’s cage is 33mm (1.3 inches) for all except the Maxi model, which is 34mm (1.4 inches). If you buy directly from the manufacturer’s website, expect to pay $165 for a transparent model or $185 for one of their twelve custom-colored models.

My advice is to visit both the CB-X website and the HolyTrainer, Inc. site. Compare features side-by-side and then decide which you believe would work best for you. There is only a $5 price difference, excluding sales.

Measure Before You Buy

No matter where you decide to buy your first device, measure yourself first. Even when purchasing a mass-manufactured, off-the-shelf device, knowing your measurements can prevent you from wasting money buying a device that won’t fit you. Rather than copy the information here, I recommend Mature Metal’s chastity device measuring guide, which you can find by clicking on this link.

Many online chastity device retailers now provide at least basic measurements on their product pages. You can check your measurements against those and end up with a better fitting device than you would get otherwise, though you probably won’t get an exact fit. As far as tube or cage length, as a rule of thumb, it is better to choose a length a little smaller than your measurement than a little longer. Some guys wind up with a half dozen chastity devices in their sock drawers they can’t wear before they finally find one that works. That’s because they didn’t bother with measuring. Don’t be that guy.

Safety Tips

Let’s be honest. The male genitals are not designed to have a plastic or steel tube device locked onto them. You can injure yourself playing with chastity. Listen to your body. Don’t try to power through it if you experience excessive discomfort or actual pain. Common sense is your most valuable ally here. If something feels wrong or looks wrong, it’s probably wrong. Remove the device, take a step back, and reassess. Take things slowly. As a few examples, your genitals should never feel numb, become blue or purple, or feel abnormally cold to the touch while wearing a chastity device. All those things are symptoms of impaired circulation, something you do not want.

How It All Works

The base ring goes around the base of your penis and scrotum. If you’ve never worn a solid cock ring, you put your balls into the ring first, one at a time. Then you put your flaccid penis into the ring where it will lie atop your balls. Then you connect the cage to the base ring to the tube or cage via a locking pin or hinge-like part depending on the model of chastity device you get. Some devices have some extra parts like spacers, which they explain how to use in the instructions that come with the device.

Erections

You may have heard or read on the Internet that chastity tubes and cages prevent erections. That’s so not true. They do inhibit erections but don’t stop them. If you look at some porn, read some erotica, or play with your wife or girlfriend, you will probably get attempted erections. Also, if you’re a reasonably healthy guy, you get from three to five erections at night while sleeping, which is called nocturnal penile tumescence. As a rule, these erections are purely a physiological phenomenon. You have no control over them. They are also typically more robust than those erections that occur randomly throughout the day when you’re thinking about sex. They can be very uncomfortable to experience at best. Some guys find them painful.

Erections are why a proper sized chastity tube or cage is so important. If you have extra space inside a cage or tube, either in diameter or length, it gives an erection more room to grow. Erections will then give you more problems, and that’s no bueno. Best case, your flaccid penis should touch the inside of the cage all around, and the tip should touch the end of the tube or cage.

Fit And Comfort

Remember when we agreed our genitals aren’t designed to be locked inside a chastity device? That means when it comes to fit and comfort, you must remember two things. Until you decide you’re ready for a custom-made chastity device built to your exact measurements, fit will never likely be perfect. You can only do your best to get a device as close to the ideal as possible.

There will always be the possibility of a little discomfort when wearing any chastity device, especially at the beginning. You should expect some amount of skin redness and tenderness, especially where the base ring contacts your scrotum. That’s because nearly all devices rotate a little to the left and right, and the friction irritates the tender skin of your genitals. Usually, over time your skin toughens up, and it ceases to be a real problem.

Discomfort is one thing. Pain is another. Wearing a chastity device should never make you want to reach for the Aleve bottle. If you experience pain, remove the device and don’t put it back on until you diagnose the problem.

Again over time, you should experience less and less discomfort to the point you sometimes almost forget you are wearing a chastity device. At least that has been my experience. If you are a guy who does not endure discomfort gladly, chastity ensured by a physical device, may not be for you.

Lubrication Is Your Friend

When you first start wearing a chastity tube or cage, use a good quality lubricant both to help get your penis into the tube correctly and between your skin and the base ring. However, avoid using any lubricants containing glycerin on your penis. Glycerin is a chemical substance closely related to sugar. Utilizing a lubricant containing glycerin on your dick inside a chastity tube is an invitation to yeast infections. Avoid using such lubricants. Instead, use something like body lotion. It absorbs well into the skin and will cut down on the friction inside the tube. You can also use what is called the “stocking method” to get your penis inside the tube or cage. If you click on this link, it will take you to a UK male chastity site called Tickleberry, where you will find the instructions for the method in text and images. I prefer this method as I don’t like using lubricant inside the cage or tube.

For lubricating the skin beneath the base ring, you can use either a silicone-based personal lubricant or baby oil. Baby oil is cheaper, but must be reapplied more often. Silicone lube costs more, but it’s odorless, and you don’t have to use much per application. Use a Q-Tip to apply the lubricant between the base ring and your skin.

Getting The Right Base Ring Fit

Here are a few more tips for getting the best possible fit with a base ring. Start with the same size ring as called for by your measurement. Often, but not always, this is the right size. You can check by seeing whether you can get a fingertip between the ring and your skin. One fingertip means the size is right. If you can’t get a fingertip between the ring and your skin, the ring is too small. If you can get two or more fingertips inside, the ring is too large. Other indications that the ring is too large is the weight of the tube pulls the base ring away from your body or, in some cases one of your genitals will escape from the base ring while the device is locked on.

Some guys believe you should wear the tightest ring you can get on. Not so. If a ring is too small and too tight, you will suffer continuous discomfort. Remember those overnight erections. They will feel even worse, and a ring that is too small could cut off circulation to your genitals when you get one of those. Also, a ring that is too tight puts too much compression on the tissues around your genitals, which could set you up for some permanent damage. You must find a happy medium where the ring is neither too large nor too small.

One final word on base rings. Cheaper devices, especially steel ones, come with only one base ring. And, you must choose from among only three standard sizes—1-1/2 inches, 1-3/4 inches, or 2 inches. For most, one of these sizes will probably work. But, if you order a device and find the base ring is too large or too small, it’s unlikely you can just order a different size ring. In almost all cases, you will have to order a whole new device.

Breaking In Your Chastity Device

During the first few days, you try wearing a device, remove it daily, and inspect your skin for excessive redness, abrasions, and tender spots. The skin around your genitals is unaccustomed to being squished by with hard plastic or steel. You will probably have a few hot spots. If you find any areas with excessive abrasions, broken skin, uncomfortable soreness, swelling, or excessive redness, leave the device off until everything heals and then try again. After a while, the tissue will toughen up, and these things will diminish. For minor redness and tenderness, just keep lubricating until you get past it.

In any event, the wisest approach is to wear the device for a few hours the first day, then gradually add a little more time each day until you become accustomed to more extended periods.

Once you find you can wear the device comfortably all day for at least two consecutive days with a minimum or acceptable level of discomfort, you can try sleeping while wearing it. Don’t expect to get much sleep for the first night or two. You’ll probably wake up several times and you may be in some pain when the overnight erections occur. The nighttime erections are something many guys have the hardest time getting past. But, usually, after three or four nights, once you can mostly sleep through the night without significant disturbances, things will get better.

The breaking in process might sound like it takes a long time. It can. For me, I’d say I was lucky. And I have a high threshold for discomfort. It took me only six or seven days to feel comfortable wearing a device, and I was able to sleep soundly without waking up after the third night of sleeping in the device. But, I’ve heard of guys trying to wear a chastity device for months who still couldn’t wear one for more than three or four days at a stretch.

The Chastity Lifestyle

If you plan to wear a chastity device 24/7, be aware it will impact your life in more ways than just only your sex life. Unless you find a genuinely comfortable device and have a tolerance for a little minor discomfort, the awareness you’re wearing a device will be almost constant.

Another thing is you must adjust to sitting on the toilet instead of standing whenever you must urinate. Regardless of how manufacturers design the urine outlet on almost every device, it’s rare that your urethral opening will ever be perfectly aligned with it. As a result, if you try to pee the way we are accustomed to doing it, the urine will end up going just about everywhere other than where you want it to go—on the floor, all over the toilet, on the wall, and yes, on your clothes.

The Chastity Bump

Wearing a chastity device will also probably impact your choice of clothing. Unless you don’t mind everyone you meet wondering whether you have a gun in your pocket or you’re just glad to see them, you must consider the best clothing options to conceal best the “chastity bump” produced by the device. As you might expect, pants with more room in the crotch will accomplish this better than tight pants. It might be time for you to consider “relaxed fit” jeans over the regular cut. Also, you may find low rise pant styles won’t offer enough room in the crotch. The chastity bump aside, they may just be uncomfortable to wear with a chastity device.

Underwear is another part of your wardrobe you may have to reconsider. Boxers are more comfortable since they allow the device to move more freely. But, they won’t help with concealment. Tight, brief-style underwear does the best job with hiding the device but can be more uncomfortable, especially when sitting. Be aware, going commando is the worst option. First, the device and its contents get no support, which will become uncomfortable. Also, the seams of some pants and shorts can be rough on the unprotected skin of your scrotum.

I’ve found almost all my pants and shorts telegraph that I’m wearing a device. Some just aren’t as obvious about it. Many devices have a lower profile than others. In some cases, even if people notice the chastity bump, they may only assume you’re a little better endowed than you actually are. At any rate, my last suggestion on clothing and concealment is to just get over it. It isn’t possible to completely conceal most devices all the time. Sure, we all remember the embarrassment of the spontaneous boners when we were going through puberty. But, chastity bumps aren’t nearly that bad. Besides, we aren’t going through puberty anymore. So, just let your freak flag fly. It’s no one’s business that you’re wearing a chastity device. It’s just another lifestyle choice, and it’s perfectly legal.

A Final Word On Sleeping

As mentioned previously, sleeping while wearing a chastity device can be the part of living the lifestyle that is most difficult to adjust to for many guys. I can only say it will get easier; the more experience you gain with doing it.

While I acclimated to sleeping in a chastity device fairly easily, I still remember the first night. I woke three times with a full tube, a tight scrotum, and a little burning sensation beneath the ring behind my ball sack. The tighter your sack at the beginning, the more you will probably experience that discomfort. The good news is the situation will eventually resolve itself if you wear a device long enough. Over time you find your scrotum will actually stretch and hang lower even when you’re not wearing a device. Your body also adjusts to the sensations caused by the base ring when you have erections. I suppose your brain just gets used to it and stops sending you the pain signals.

Experiment with different sleep positions until you find the one that feels most comfortable for you. Intuitively, you might think sleeping on your back is the best. But, I’ve found lying on my side, with my bottom leg more or less straight, and my top leg spread a little forward and bent at the knee works the best for me. My package rests on the bed between my legs and doesn’t cause me any problems. After the first few nights, things will get better. After my first week, the nocturnal erections stopped waking me. Now I usually sleep fine.

The Fantasy Of Total Security

Here’s the unvarnished truth about total security: When it comes to ball-trapping chastity devices, complete security is only a fantasy. Any guy with the will can find a way to escape from a chastity device while it is locked if he wants to escape badly enough. You should look at a chastity device as a deterrent to accessing your penis, and not like it’s Fort Knox.

If you feel you require, for whatever reason, to have absolutely no ability to get to your penis, then any ball-trapping device alone will never do that for you. Let’s face it, living the chastity life means you need more than a chastity device. You must also have a little will-power, self-control, and respect for your keyholder (if you have one).

All chastity devices can be defeated. Depending on how well or poorly a device is fitted to you, some can be overcome quite easily. For one thing, most are secured by a tiny padlock, and most guys probably have several different tools in their toolbox that can easily cut them off. That said, there is one way to make most ball-trapping devices more secure.

In the name of more security, some guys get the popular male genital piercing called the Prince Albert (PA). The PA is a “ring-style” piercing that extends along the underside of the glans from the urethral opening to where the glans meets the shaft of the penis. Many chastity devices today accommodate PA piercings. The ring through the piercing is attached either inside the device where the device user can’t access it once the device has been locked on or using an external lock or locking cable. That means a wearer cannot withdraw his penis from the device without ripping out a chunk of flesh that isn’t ever going to grow back. Getting a PA just for chastity is sort of a big deal. Depending on the guy, this piercing can take from four weeks to six months to heal. It isn’t something I’d ever want. But, I’m not a body piercing kind of guy to start with. I mean, it’s fine for other people if they want them. Piercings just aren’t my thing. But, a lot of chaste men get them.

Chastity & Hygiene

One of the more important aspects of male chastity is practicing good hygiene, especially for those who choose a device with an enclosed tube. Otherwise, if you’re not careful, after some wear time, the smells emanating from your chastity tube may remind of the odors you remember from that particularly nasty public restroom you visited that time. You must do daily cleaning as best you can while wearing the device. Also, at regular intervals, you should remove the device for a thorough cleaning.

Daily Hygiene

If you have a device with an open-type cage, you will find keeping the contents of your cage clean much easier. That is the type of device I usually wear. I have no problems keeping the contents of my cage clean and smelling April fresh using just soap and a detachable shower head. I’m confident I could wear my usual device indefinitely without ever removing it for a thorough cleaning. I am circumcised. If you aren’t, then you will probably need to remove your device once a week for cleaning, even if it is a cage-type.

Enclosed tube devices are different. A detachable shower head won’t be enough, and you must get soap down inside the tube. Many guys use a squirt bottle with a long tip they can insert between the skin and the inside of the tube, and up through the urination opening to clean the tip of the penis. The squirt bottle can be used both to apply soapy water and to rinse afterward. Just mix a little antibacterial soap with warm water inside the container. Once you’ve finished washing, refill the bottle with plain warm water and rinse. The inside of a tube device can become dirtier than you might imagine, even after a single day. Tubes, even more than cages, trap sweat, small amounts of urine, pre-ejaculate fluid sometimes, and dead skin cells. If you don’t stay on top of personal hygiene, you could end up with some funky bacteria growing inside the tube, along with some awkward, unpleasant odors.

Weekly Cleaning

Once a week, if you wear a tube-style device, you should remove it, and clean your genitals thoroughly. Then wash the device completely with hot soapy water. Weekly cleanings are also a good time to shave or trim your pubic hair. Once the device is completely dry, you can put it back on and lock it up. This same advice applies to guys who are uncircumcised and wear cage-type devices.

More Resources

If this post has whetted your appetite for even more information about male chastity, please consider grabbing a copy of my book, The Hitchhiker’s Guide To Male Chastity. I attempted to make the book a comprehensive male chastity guide or male chastity handbook with all the information a beginner needs in one place. It also includes information for new keyholders. The paperback version is available on Amazon and at Barnes & Noble. The eBook version will be available exclusively on Amazon starting July 14, 2020, and if you’re a Kindle Unlimited subscriber, you will be able to read the book free. You can learn more about the book here on this website, or by visiting the paperback version book page on Amazon where you can read a free excerpt.

Coming soon—Finding a Chastity Keyholder For Dummies

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